Ho hum

My weight has been hanging tight....not really moving anywhere this week.  I guess that's good.  It's not bad.   I haven't done one iota of exercise this week. And furthermore, I'm not planning to until Saturday morning.

My back is feeling much much better.  It's now just a random ache here and there when I move in a weird way. It gets 'tired' more easily.  But overall, I'm back to 'normal'..or as normal as I am capable of being.  I'm just taking it REAL easy.     I am however at this point in time planning on running the Paws on the Pavement 5k on Saturday morning.  :-)   Last year I PR'd at this run.   I had a time in my mind.  Two times actually. First and foremost I wanted to beat my record....so I'd have had to run a 38:19 or better to do that.  But even beyond that I was hoping to run a 36 or under  (35 really but that just seemed like a HUGE jump to me).  Right now, I'm just hoping to run it and stay somewhere within the 38-40 minute range.  Afterall, Monday I couldn't even walk upright.  ha ha ha   I'm ok with this......a little disappointed but ok.

The other reason I'm taking it easy?   Yes, I'm trying to get through Saturday's run and the photo shoot I have aferward....but  thinking a bit further out, we have a week of vacation coming up.  I don't want to be a cripple on my vacation!   I want to enjoy my trip to Jamestown NY....why Jamestown?   Hello....Lucille Ball grew up in Jamestown!    Museums and whatnot!  :)    I've always wanted to visit and this vacation we are going up to Jamestown to finally do it!  We will be making a stop for Todd at a place he has always wanted to visit so it should be a fun trip.     But only fun for me if my back is back to normal or close enough that I'm not in misery!

So onward..........hopefully after this weekend I can pick back up with exercise......Saturday will give me an idea of what my back can handle.  :-)

Deep and dark

I was lounging in the hot tub, trying to relax my back (which is actually feeling much better...still tender, but much better) and I was lamenting the fact of "WHY ME"  Why do I end up with a bad back....yeah, I know it's a repeat of a previous issue...but why me????   Why me when it comes to the plantar fasciitis and tarsal tunnel?   Why me????    What about 'the bone???  Why me???     My shoulder muscle that seizes up on me sporadically????   Why me???  My knees???  Why me????

As I sat there lamenting the fact that I have these issues that keep popping up and I was feeling sorry for myself. And then I sat up straighter (or as straight as my back would allow at the moment) and I told myself.  Seriously MF?   What did you expect?  You allowed your weight to rise to over 300 pounds...you lost the weight and felt great and you were stupid enough to allow some of that weight to creep back on.  You've abused your body...and this is the price!   Yes, I've done this all to myself!  

But you know what...I KNOW that a lot of the issues disappear as the weight leaves my body...so I'm going to work on that!!!!!!

I have a deep dark confession to make.  Last night I had a mandatory training for work.  (Anti- money laundering...WEEEE!  I know, I know..you are jealous!)  They fed us.  Last night they brought in subway subs, chips and some packaged cookies.   I took a turkey (no cheese ironically enough...weird) sub...3 inches and about 5 chips.  I actually in the middle of the training snuck my phone out and entered in my food on MFP.  I had some calories left and was excited thinking that I could have one of my cups of ice cream that I have in the freezer.   (prepackaged by Moi)  I had the calories for it!   I decided to grab a can of diet soda on the way out ....why, because I could.  I had drank water the whole meeting and I was actually fine with water.   But right beside the cooler of drinks was the table of cookies.  Yeah, I was bite by the Keebler bug. I won't even say how many I ate...just suffice it to say that it was too many....probably about 6 too many.  (hey, they were small!)  YES, I had 6 of those things!!!!!

Yeah, when I went  get the picture, I saw the calorie count....3 cookies are 140 calories so I ate 280 calories.  I started with one...and it tasted soooo dang good. That puppy melted in my mouth!  Seriously, I was going to only eat one!  I had the calories for it!   But one turned into a handful that I devoured in the car on the way home!   GRRRR

But it didn't stop there.........I got home and I was still hungry.  So I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Wow...another 200-300 calories some calories .  And then simply because ice cream was in my mind, I had my cup of ice cream!   C

Can we say binge????????  378 calories over budget for the day.  GRRRRRRR

Lets sing!

"You've got to know when to hold 'em

Know when to fold 'em

Know when to walk away

Know when to run

You never count your money

When your sitting' at the table

There'll be time enough for countin' 

When the dealin's done"

I had a gym visit scheduled with a friend for Monday night after work.  However, as I wrote yesterday morning I awoke with a really sore back.  I babied it all morning, packed my gym and headed to work.  The back got worse.  I was struggling to walk upright versus all stooped over. I so looked like a little old lady, I couldn't help but laugh at myself!!!   I took meds...but it didn't seem to help.  SOOOOO with a sadness in my tone (fingers) I texted my friend to cancel the evening gym visit.  

I have been told that I push myself too hard.  That I am too hard on myself.  That I don't cut myself a break.  Today is proof that I DO cut myself a break.  I do know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em.  Today was a day to fold 'em and walk away!.

The days where I'm just too lazy. Hold sit tight and hold those cards!   The days where I have a gazillion things to do at the house.....sit tight and hold them cards.  The days where my legs feel like lead weights....KEEP the cards in your hand!   

The trick about pain is figuring out if it's a pain from using it or a serious pain that needs to be 'rested'.   I'd wager a bet that 90% of the pain that sidelines the average person is pain simply aches from suddenly starting to use our bodies in a healthy way!  THAT pain is not worthy of stopping.

My back...yeah, considering a few years ago my back went out and I struggled to do simple tasks like putting my pants on.....standing up.  I'm not quite that bad...but I'm only one or two days  of healing past those first painful days!!!! Yeah, this calls for some rest.  

So what does this mean for my Paws on the Pavement 5k that I'm registered for this Saturday?   As of right now I'm still hoping and planning on running it. (I'm really taking it easy and hoping that I feel well enough on Saturday)  I had been hoping to PR it...I would still LOVE to do that but in light of this new development, I'm thinking running it would be a victory!   If I can't run it...walking sounds like a plan.  And if walking is not an option for me...then I will just consider my 25 bucks well spent on a charity for animals!

So exercise right now is on hold.  Maybe tomorrow.....we shall see.  The sad part...last year with my plantars fasciitis, I was able to hop on my bike and ride in lieu of running.  Well....my road bike....yikes bent over in a position...OUCH just thinking about that makes my back hurt right now!

Trying to keep track of my calories really closely since exercise is a bit of a bust right now!!!!!

Monday Madness

Another weekend bites the dust. And all I can say is HOLY COW!    Holy cow my weekends are non stop busy now-a-days.  My weekends are also non-stop activity.  Maybe not exercise but manual labor.  Yesterday was 3 hours of push mowing which was preceeded by taking EVERYTHING (ok ok ok, other than the freezers and the weight machine) out of the porch, scrubbing it down, adding shelving and other organizing methods and then reloading.  We had an old treadmill, exercise bike and nordic track on the porch too.  Yes, none of them were worth anything so they were sitting piled in a corner (because maybe todd could have refurbished them....that was his plan anyway).    So exhaustion is the word that comes to my mind today, this bright Monday morning.  And sadly, I have to go to work to rest up!!!!

My biggest issue this morning though is the fact that my back is out of whack. No where near as bad as it has been in the past (Thank God).    I have plans to go to the gym tonight with a friend.  We shall see how that goes.  :-)

My eating yesterday was a little off..but considering that I started at 7AM and worked HARD until 4:45 PM with only a 20 minute break for lunch...I'm not going to worry about it!

 I have my food planned for today.  My biggest thing I'm going to focus on this week is limiting my carbs.  I'm not worried about the carbs that occur naturally in fruits....I'm talking about the biggie..breads and pastas.   Ohhh how I love my breads and pastas.   While I limited them last week I'm going to really knuckle down this week and see what happens.

Lost

I recommitted to this journey in my mind this last Monday.  I've been pretty spot on with my food.  I've tracked it all.  I've also managed to gain a pound...or two.  Seriously?  

What are my feelings about this? I'm torn.  I'm torn between a bunch of different feelings.

*****The first emotion that is tears.  I just want to cry.  How totally and utterly disheartening is this.  To really start watching closely.  To track and to manage and to watch and to gain?????  

****Next thing down the line in my thoughts is that I'm just lost.  I was planning my foods for the today and I didn't know what direction to turn.  Obviously what I was doing didn't work.  Do I change what I'm doing?  Do I tighten it further?  What in the world?   My word...I KNOW how to do this...I've done it. This is not a new journey.  Seriously!

****Giving up has NEVER crossed my mind.  It just made me sit here and say I WILL figure it out and I WILL lose!!!!!!  

So let me sit here and cry a bit..but I'll be up and at 'em shortly!

Took it easy

My food has been pretty spot on the last few days.  I've stayed within my caloric range.  I've eaten pretty healthy.  I'm doing pretty good.    My exercise has been more sporadic.  I totally took Wednesday off.  There was no way I was doing anything other than staying in bed...yes, I felt that awful!    On Thursday, I felt pretty icky in the morning but I did go to work. As the day progressed I started to feel a bit better so I contacted my walking buddy and made arrangements to go walking after work.  I knew that she would understand if I had to take it a bit sow or to stop a bit earlier.  We walked about 3.5 miles.    Today I didn't officially exercise but I did walk about 1.5 miles at work.  I'm going to count that as a victory for this week.  I was sick this week but I still moved.

What makes it click?  What makes weight loss...the desire..the motivation..the willpower click into place???  I had it.  I feel tendrils of that feeling hit me.  But seriously...what makes it finally click into place?     That's what I need to figure out!   And yes, I know...if I figured it out....I'd be a millionaire!!!!

Derailment = bad word!!!

Life conspires against me!!!!  I know it!!!!

I got off work on Wednesday.  I had grand plans.  Yard work and a bike ride...my first road bike usage of this year.  It was planned and on the docket.  Nothing was going to deter me!!!

Something did...my bed...

It was raining when I got off at noon so Todd and I moved our eat out to lunchtimeas the rain was supposed to let up by mid-afternoon.  All was going well and then it hit!!  Oh my word, we were driving home and in my head I was chanting, 'you will not throw up, you will not throw up'.  I got home....and I've been in bed since....18 hours later I'm still here.   

Buh-bye yard work.  Buh-bye yesterday's bike ride.  And while I'm feeling much better now (the tightness in my stomach MAY be hunger..not sure) I've already decided that this mornings scheduled run will not be happening nor will the bike ride on the canal that Todd and I planned (I am not scheduled to work until noon).

Grrrrr.  I will not let this derail me!!!!  No!  No!! No!!   If I go to work today and do well with food, I WILL be back to running tomorrow...or out on my bike!!!

Off and running...literally and figuratively

I've been doing pretty good with eating the last few days.   I've been on track and my exercise has been spot on.

Yesterday I ran in the morning.

I made it home in time to shower and get to work.  However I found this in my garden.

Now honestly, I don't care that a pheasant was in our garden.  However this is pheasant that my neighbor keeps...penned up.  Notice that the pheasant is in my yard and not penned up. So I ran up the road to our neighbors place (I live in the country...I can't see my neighbors place from mine).  He wasn't home.  Of course.  I checked out the pens of birds...but they looked secure...and if course I couldn't ascertain which pen the escape artist pheasant had originated in...so I jogged back to my place...and just herded the pheasant up toward his own property..hoping that the pheasant would be smart enough to return home and/or that the owner would come home soon.   I got into my house. Sweaty after my run...with 10 minutes till time to leave for work.  Oops.  (Who needs dry hair???)

After running in the morning.  I managed a nice walk on my lunch break.  Only 1.5 mikes but it was movement and I'll take it as a victory.  Zumba was up on deck after work.   Anita tested out the new Zumba step routines.   Oh my word!    Awesome workout!!!!!   I was a hot sweaty mess!!

My weight is still solidly in that 4-5 pound range that my body likes.....But I'm confident that things will change!!

I was messing around on a health based website the other day.  Just for a laugh I put in/updated my goals.  At my current weight....losing two pounds a week...I will be at my doctor approved goal in November of this year.   Lots ofwork involved.  Lots of tough decisions...but you know what???  It's doable and actually quite exciting to me for some reason!!!  I am not going to look more deeply at the reasons that this is exciting to me...(seriously, I have always kept a calculation of how quickly I could get there with the perfect scenarios...meaning no bobbles).   I'm just going to run with the excitement.

The Walking Wounded

Oh my goodness!  What a weekend.   The weekends seem to get busier and more insane each week.  Seriously!    It was crazy busy ....so busy that the thought of diet and exercise....well, it just didn't occur to me.  Ok, actually exercise did but I didn't have time and when I did have time I was 'the walking wounded'

My not so subtle hint to Todd

I started on Thursday night trying to get ahead! I headed out for groceries!   I had an inkling that the weekend would be a bit busy and I wanted to get that chore over with.  I was walking up and down the aisles and I had a grand idea!!!!!  Todd was still working when I went to bed, so I left a little hint for him!   I was absolutely determined to have a bonfire sometime during the weekend!

Waiting for Todd at the studio before running to town.

I got off work at 2PM on Friday.  I rushed the two miles home, quickly changed my clothes and then it started.  Hours upon hours of yard work.  6 straight hours on Friday.  Saturday morning dawned and we went right back to it!    Push mowing (4 hours), weeding, mulching, cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc etc etc.  BUSY BUSY BUSY.   All day long we moved and we worked!  We even ran to town at one point....and we saw these cuties.  The yard looks FANTASTIC.  (No, it's not done).    I also spent a bit of time cleaning and getting ready for a bonfire.  I had decided to have family over for the evening.  I figure that would be fun!

 All day long we moved and we worked!    The yard looks FANTASTIC.  (No, it's not done).    I also spent a bit of time cleaning and getting ready for a bonfire.

By the time I dropped into bed on Saturday night I was totally dead.  I wafs sore as heck!   My feet, or rather foot was giving me grief....that tarsal nerve and the plantar was kickin'!   The muscles in my legs tingled with that achy, wow I really worked out feeling.  My back was sensitive and my head...oh my head hurt.  (yeah, I whacked my noggin on something and gave myself a nice goose egg).  I checked my email (for the first time in hours upon hours) at about 10:30 and got my message from Sherry talking about our weekly walk on Sunday morning.  I immediately responded with a "YES, absolutely we are walking!"  Afterward I wondered what in the heck I was doing!  

Regardless, Sunday morning I walked 5 miles.  I took the rest of the day off on Sunday.  Well,mostly off.  I did clean up the kitchen and I cooked and I did more laundry (it was also the weekend of laundry......never ending laundry).   I did take time to do something for myself on Sunday.   I spread out an old blanket in the yard and laid out there with my camera.  It only took 15 minutes before I started to see what I was waiting for.  I will leave you with some pictures........

 And then something bad roamed into the yard.

 All of a sudden I heard all kinds of squawking from a variety of birds.  They were going crazy.  I lowered my camera from what I was focusing on....and that is when I realized why all the birds had sent up a communal alarm.

 And that was the end of the birdies.......I waited for an hour to see if they would come back and it was a total NO GO!  (About 4 or 5 hours later I looked out the window and the birds had returned!)

I took some non-birdie pictures before I gave up.......ahhhh makes me think of summer!

Comfort Zone

I was talking last night at zumba.  My leader used to do a class called Sentao.  This leader really pulled out the stops and worked us!  (I've been to a different leaders Sentao classes and it's still a good workout but not as intense as Anita's class.)   The class was AWESOME!  You know it's a good workout when the instructor (who teaches something like 30 classes a week) comes in the next day and says "holy cow I'm sore after last nights Sentao".     When she started the class we had close to 30 people doing the class.  However, as time went by the class size started to dwindle.  We went from 30 to 20 and then lower.  There was a solid base of us that attended regularly...we LOVED it.    We were talking about it last night.  OK, so two or three of us were there lamenting the fact that the class is no longer being offered (I would have made the same decision were I Anita.....a class for 4-5 people isn't feasible).  Anita asked why we thought it didn't work out.  I said "It''s because it HURT....and while some of us realize that hurting and being sore is a good thing most people run from it!!!"    I'm not sadistic...but I realize it's going to hurt.  I accept the pain!  I am going to push myself out of my comfort zone...because I want good things...and that's the only way to get them!

And that said....I will be on the bike as soon as the rain stops and I can get out there!!!!

Name calling

This morning was a day that I should have been out running!!!   Seriously!  I planned to do it!  It was on my list!   Instead I got this...

  Now I don't know if this picture makes any sense...so I will explain.  That is my face in the shadows of the hood.  The gray sky behind me is foreboding.  In fact in reality is was raining quite briskly whilst taking this picture.    

You can call me a wimp if you must...but it's just not a warm summer rain today.   A warm summer rain is somewhat liberating.  No..cold dreary rain.  So....I went out to breakfast instead of running. Zumba tonight...so all is not lost!!

After breakfast we hit sam's club (killing time before another store opened!   We are looking at getting a new grill.   This one is tickling our fantasy.    Hmmmm. 

Party at our house if we get it!  (Part all summer maybe cuz that thing is huge....). Yes...searing grill...reg grill area....charcoal grill.  (I think the searing is infared...if I remember correctly).  Too much grill for two people? Maybe...call me nuts if you must!!!  But then again... Hmmmm. (Not if we par-tay!!) meanwhile I'll be researching that puppy looking for reviews!!

Lucy thinks she is such a rebel...little dies she know that I leave that bowl of water in the sink for her.  Call me a crazy cat lady if you must...but Lucy is old and deserves to be spoiled in her old lady status!!

I think i'm nuts

I woke up this morning.  Finally the schedules, sickness, weather and whatnot aligned and Sherry and I were able to meet up to walk!   5 plus miles of walking and talking.  WHEW!!!!

This weekend was quite busy and I knew yesterday that I needed to run my 5k for the virtual series that I'm doing.  I knew I was walking this morning and that it would be a long shot.  I knew it...yet I just couldn't squeeze it in there!   Nope, didn't happen.  So this morning I went walking.  I knew that I could just call the 5 miles of walking my 5k (5k plus).  That just seemed like cheating though.  Cheating and NOT the way to reach my goals!

So after we walked on the battlefield, I hopped in my car and drove to the canal.  Yes, I could have run on the battlefield.  I frequently run on the battlefield.  However, I had the time today....and I was going toward Hagerstown anyway, so I decided to go somewhere I don't normally run.  I drove to Williamsport and ran on the canal there.  Yes, I did say run!

I started to run and my legs groaned (remember they had just finished a walk).  But while my body tried to tell me to stop, I didn't have the absolutely horrible mental breakdown during this run that I had on Thursday when I ran.   I just had to use the good old standby "Are you REALLY dying?"  question.  And no, I wasn't dying, so I kept running!

8.35 miles completed on my legs this morning. (and yes, the hot tub may be Todd's baby...but it's gonna feel GOOD on my legs tonight!!!)

While running!

Not a fast run....42 minutes for my 3 miles....but not really slow...that was average for me right now.

Ahhhh finished!

Shut up!!!

My run today wasn't all that fantastic.   I started out and my legs were right.  My legs were heavy.  I felt as of I couldn't get a full breath of air into my lungs.   I felt that way before I even hit a quarter of a mile.  I pushed onward.  I know that our bodies are much more capable than our minds believe as I was banking on that fact to get me through my run.

By a half of a mile I was contemplating my recent eating woes.   I've been unhappy with life and I have to admit, I have been feeding my emotions.  I have made my plans for eating but often times I look at the food I've planned and I make a concious decision to eat something else.  Usually (ok always) something higher in fat and calorie content!  I am making choices that are totally divergent from what my ultimate goal is.  So why am I doing it to myself?   Ok, that's what an addict does, it's not really a question of why.   It's not pretty and I know why I'm doing it.  I just need to use willpower to stop!!

The next mile or two passed I eventfully.  I cried about things. I ran some more (with some bouts of walking because monkeys just felt icky).   I stopped to take a picture of some bluebells.

I even stopped to take a picture of myself  laying on the ground surrounded by bluebells.  

And then the run went from bad to horrible.  I started to question and doubt myself.  My mini me was standing on my shoulder hurling negative talk into my ear!    "Seriously MaryFran, why are you out here flailing around on the towpath and calling it running?  You are not a runner and you will never be a runner."

   I questioned my commitment to run and decided to quite...I could ride my bike instead, no problem!!!   But the litany of self doubt and negative talk continued in my head.  "You may as well sell your bikes, you are not a biker either!!" 

  It was a non-ending refrain being pounded in my head.

Finally I had enough and I started to yell. "Shut up!!"  Oh yes, I yelled it out loud.  (I'm so very glad that there was no one on the canal today near me because between the crying and the so big and now the yelling, I'm sure they would have pulled out the straight jackets for me!!!)

I finished my run strong.   Nothing was going to make me stop running until I got to the car.   Those voices kept telling me to stop and kept hurling insults but I don't listen.   Sure my legs hurt, but I finished strong chanting these words the whole way.  "Shut up, shut up, shut the 'f' up!!!!"

Shut up!!   I can be a runner if I want to!!

Shut up!!  I can be a biker if I want!!

Shut up!!!  I can be thin it I want!!!

Wednesday

Today this made me happy.  

Why yes that is a bowl of sliced strawberries.  Delicious scrumptious heavenly tasting strawberries!   

No, my eating wasn't dead on today...but I had strawberries!!!  

Planning a run tomorrow morning and because I'm a glutton for punishment...well maybe..oh hell I'm not making any promises about a bike ride!!  (Fears~~shudder)

And the foot bone's connected to the....

Happiness....what is it really?

It's elusive.  It's fleeting.   It's kinda lacking in my life. I have moments of happiness, but for the most part I'm unhappy with how my life is playing out.  For various reasons I feel or actually am boxed in, unable to change the path that I'm on.  It's like a roller coaster....I got on and I can't get off until the ride is done.  (I love roller coasters...but not this one called life!)

I pray for happiness. I try to figure out what would bring me happiness.  I want happiness.  But it's hiding from me.

The bigger problem?   Happiness plays a HUGE role in my weight loss efforts.  When I have a handle on things my weight loss goes so much better.  Case in point...early last year I had a handle.....and I was losing.  My world imploded and happiness fled and I started to gain.  Luckily I have stopped the gain but I am struggling with losing more.

To make matters worse...the lack of progress in my weight loss efforts contributes to the unhappiness.

So you see, it is all interconnected.

I don't know how to fix it.  But I am just going to march onward and hope and pray for a change!

Monday madness

After my busy weekend I awoke this morning just absolutely dreading going to work!   I just wasn't feeling in any mood to face work!  I had already planned on going for a run.  I may have talked myself out of it die to tone constraints and my crappy mood but I pushed onward.  I was actually hoping that the 'runners high' would improve my Monday mood.

I'm sorry to announce it but I can't lie!  When the run was over, I still didn't want to go to work!!!  But at least I got a run in!!

Half way through my work day I decided that maybe a walk on my lunch break would make the day better!!!   So I walked on my lunch break!

Yeah, I felt great while walking.  I enjoyed the blooming trees and the sunshine.  Then I went back inside and the duldrums hit again.   

Hey, at least I turned toward exercise!  That's a huge step in the right direction!!!!  Tonight is Zumba!  Hopefully some of my peeps will be there!  (I refer to my Zumba buddies as 'my peeps')

This month I set a mileage goal of 100.  Should have been simple!   As of today I only have 21 miles!  Oops!  79 miles in 9 days....doable...kinda... But we shall see!!

Fear...have I mentioned how fear rules my life???  For some reason my lite speed bike is a fear for me.  I know that it is going to be painful against the first...and that freaks me out.  Go figure!  I even one day panicked about the clipless pedals.  (Although when I rode my trek yesterday and slowed down and immediately started the traditional litany in my head 'clips clips clips'...I knew I would be ok.).   I still struggle with changing the tube when I get a flat....so that freaks me out. Stupid fears!!!!   Yeah, I'm a mental case!  I know it!   

That said....I will be facing the bike and I WILL conquer it this year!   Riding and maybe...just maybe changing a tire too (I have no problem changing the tire/tubes on my trek or my husbands trek).

Eating....once again I'm vowing to get back to strict eating!!!  This weight HAS to go!!

BUSY

What a busy weekend...and it's not over yet!    I have been non-stop on the go!  

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         I've  done some shopping, groceries, lowes, Spa store, Aldi's...etc    I got to see a friend that I don't get to see too often.  I got to hang out with family.  I got work done in the yard.  I got a few hours of mowing (push mower) done.  I got some cooking done.  I made fruit salad (a HUGE vat of fruit salad..it's my contribution to the Easter dinner....and there will be enough for my mom to have a large bowl and my sister in law to have a large bowl for the week).  I made potato salad and turkey salad (mostly for our lunch at home on Easter...but for lunches for Todd for the week).  I also made a bean salad for my lunches at work for the week.  

                                                                                                                                                                                                          I got in a good run.  My pace was a bit slow...but oh well....I did it!!!    I also pulled out the bikes we use on the canal and oiled and checked tire pressure and all that good stuff.  I was determined to get out and bike this weekend!   On Saturday night  I literally fell into bed and crashed.  Todd said that last night in bed I was carrying on a conversation one minute and the next minute I was snoring away  ha ha ha.   I'm thinking today will probably be more of the same.   Up for the afternoon.....a bike ride an errand or two and then family Easter celebration.   

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    We are hoping to bike in an area where we know that there are typically a sea of bluebells.  It is really pretty to walk/ride through these areas.  So that is our hope. I did see a few bluebells on my run...but not a sea. :-)

I will leave you with a picture of the canal from yesterday.  I'll be seeing similar sites on my ride today (just a different area of the canal!)

Sustaining

Is it possible to live a life of perfection???  Tonight I was talking to some gals and my zumba instructor.  We were talking about weight, weight gain and maintaining a weight loss.  A few of the gals talked about just simply not having the temptation in the house and simply saying no.  They said they refuse to bake or anything.  This is a great method.  I admire people that can do this. It must be nice.  But is it sustainable?

I know for me it is NOT sustainable.   My manager at work just gave up diet soda.  She and I have talked quite a bit about it.  It's not something she plans on NEVER having again.  She knows that it is not a sustainable goal.  

That is the trick of this whole journey.  Finding a plan that is sustainable yet conducive to losing weight.  For me, saying I will not have sugar or never eat a cookie or even not having more than one slice of pizza is not a viable solution for me.  For me, it is a thing of learning how to manage my eating yet still lose weight.  Is this possible?  I personally think so.  It's just a thing of retraining my mind in how I think about food and I how I approach it!!!

Tuesday was an OK day.  I managed to make it to zumba and even though I had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction (my pants were dragging on the floor and they were making me trip) I was able to push myself and get a good workout.   

A horrible picture of me...I'm in an old oversized sweatshirt that I use for a Halloween costume years ago (I was the twister game). That is Lucy sitting on my shoulder like a parrot!!

Imelda Marcos in the Making???

Monday was a day where I was spot on.  Calorie wise...literally dead on my goal.  Not one calorie over and not one calorie under.  Amazingly perfect!   And I topped it off with a class at zumba after work.....admittedly, like I said in my last post; zumba on Monday night is a habit....otherwise I'd probably have been a lazy bum!

Workout clothes out of my bag and ready to be donned!

Some days are perfect.  We feel sexy.  We feel confident.  We feel like we are on top of the world!   There is no discernible thing that causes us to feel that way.  But it can change.  The very next day we may feel like a frumpy bottom dweller.   The sexy confident days are the days that I feel most capable of success on this weight loss journey.  I feel confident about life and I feel confident about my goals and how to get there.  Those confident days are usually successful weight loss days.

So how can I manipulate these feelings?  I have of recent weeks rekindled my infatuation with shoes.  It started with these shoes.  Yes, they are pink suede shoes.

My all time favorite boots

My husband crossed his arms when I bought them and said "Don't you have enough pairs of shoes in the closet????"   I answered "One can never have enough shoes!"   I also vowed to wear some of those multiple pairs more often.  You see, I love shoes but I typically end up wearing the tried and true comfort (and sometimes ratty looking) shoes.  So I bought my pink suede shoes and wore them. I also pulled out the brown suede shoes.  I pulled out the black boots, the brown boots, and ohhh yes...my all time favorite black boots!   Oh yes, I wore my awesome shoes that I had in the closest.

And then this last week I walked into a store and my eyes saw them. Oh yes, I saw a pair of pink suede boots.  Pink?  Suede??  Really???  I just bought a pair of pink suede shoes two weeks earlier.  I fell in love with the boots and they were on sale!  A really awesome sale!!!  Well, I had to have them!  (My husband just said 'go ahead Imelda"  Oh yes, I bought them!  

not a great picture...but I promise..awesome boots under those pant legs

I'm not quite to Imelda status yet...no where close actually.  Is it a bit of a transfer of my addiction...I take away food and replace it with shoes.....probably not.  ha ha ha.  But you know...if it gives me a bit of sparkle...a bit of confidence....a bit of fun and whimsy into my life.  And if that sparkle, confidence, fun and whimsy in some weird convoluted way helps me maintain control of my food addiction....then bring on the shoes!  Hmmmm...maybe I should hit up a shoe store today!!!!  

Exercise excuses....seven minutes???

My exercise had been sporadic of late. I have grand plans but then they fall apart. The only thing I am consistently doing is Zumba.   Zumba on Monday and Tuesday is a habit!  Habits are a good thing.

I have dreams and goals.  I have a dream of beating my PR at my next 5k....I have a goal of a possible half marathon later this year.  I need to be working out if I want to see these goals and dreams come to fruition.  I struggle.   It's not really even excuses.  It's time. It's learning how to fit it in to my lifestyle and around my husbands whims.  

So when I saw the seven minute workout I was quite interested.  Do I think it's a substitute for a full body cardio, blood pumping workout?  No!   But would it be a quick easy addition to my day?  Yes!  

I headed into this short workout with very minimal upper body strength.  Strength training had been spotty at best.  Yes, I know I need to fix that....thus my decision to try out this mini workout!!!

This morning I prepared myself to get down to business for 7 minutes.  Basically the picture above shows each of the moves you do.   Simply do each move for 30 seconds and voila...7 minutes!    I don't know if it's important to move through the exercises in the exact order.  I can only assume so in order to let certain muscles rest whilst still moving.   

I started.....Jumping jacks!   Easy, no problem.  I was feeling quite cocky with myself at this point, thinking it was going to all be a piece of cake!   30 seconds down and I moved on to the wall sit.  15 seconds in and my legs were burning!!!  Wowzers.  

Next up, push ups.  I hit my first snag.  Have I mentioned that my upper body strength is lame at best?  Yeah, sissy push ups for me.  On wobbly arms I made my thirty seconds.  

Thirty abdominal crunches later...they weren't too bad (thank you Zumba instructor Anita for all of the an work we do).  Step ups.....and here is where I noticed it.  2 minutes of actual exercise and I was starting to get a little heated.  The squats were next, I could feel my muscles quivering a bit.  By the time the tricep dips came around it was official!  I was breathing hard and sweating!    Was totally not expecting that!  Not at all!

I finished up the rest of the twelve moves.  I could feel it.  My muscles were worked.  

I really struggled with the two push-ups.  Yikes!  At least I figured out where my issues are!!!  I do think that his workout would be one that if done consistently would be quickly outgrown.  Then I would simply need to become a 14 minute workout I guess. 

I think that this workout will be something I try to incorporate into my daily life.    Who can't find seven minutes???