Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Deep and dark

I was lounging in the hot tub, trying to relax my back (which is actually feeling much better...still tender, but much better) and I was lamenting the fact of "WHY ME"  Why do I end up with a bad back....yeah, I know it's a repeat of a previous issue...but why me????   Why me when it comes to the plantar fasciitis and tarsal tunnel?   Why me????    What about 'the bone???  Why me???     My shoulder muscle that seizes up on me sporadically????   Why me???  My knees???  Why me????

As I sat there lamenting the fact that I have these issues that keep popping up and I was feeling sorry for myself. And then I sat up straighter (or as straight as my back would allow at the moment) and I told myself.  Seriously MF?   What did you expect?  You allowed your weight to rise to over 300 lost the weight and felt great and you were stupid enough to allow some of that weight to creep back on.  You've abused your body...and this is the price!   Yes, I've done this all to myself!  

But you know what...I KNOW that a lot of the issues disappear as the weight leaves my I'm going to work on that!!!!!!

I have a deep dark confession to make.  Last night I had a mandatory training for work.  (Anti- money laundering...WEEEE!  I know, I are jealous!)  They fed us.  Last night they brought in subway subs, chips and some packaged cookies.   I took a turkey (no cheese ironically enough...weird) sub...3 inches and about 5 chips.  I actually in the middle of the training snuck my phone out and entered in my food on MFP.  I had some calories left and was excited thinking that I could have one of my cups of ice cream that I have in the freezer.   (prepackaged by Moi)  I had the calories for it!   I decided to grab a can of diet soda on the way out ....why, because I could.  I had drank water the whole meeting and I was actually fine with water.   But right beside the cooler of drinks was the table of cookies.  Yeah, I was bite by the Keebler bug. I won't even say how many I ate...just suffice it to say that it was too many....probably about 6 too many.  (hey, they were small!)  YES, I had 6 of those things!!!!!

Yeah, when I went  get the picture, I saw the calorie count....3 cookies are 140 calories so I ate 280 calories.  I started with one...and it tasted soooo dang good. That puppy melted in my mouth!  Seriously, I was going to only eat one!  I had the calories for it!   But one turned into a handful that I devoured in the car on the way home!   GRRRR

But it didn't stop there.........I got home and I was still hungry.  So I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Wow...another 200-300 calories some calories .  And then simply because ice cream was in my mind, I had my cup of ice cream!   C

Can we say binge????????  378 calories over budget for the day.  GRRRRRRR


Rachel said...

Kudos for being accountable and tracking it all even though you binged. I have to force myself to track on bad days because I don't want to look at the numbers.

timothy said...

deluxe grahams are EVIL and insidious! I don't even really like them but when I'm feelin low or especially missin my mama i'll get them. we used to take them when we went to the pool on weekends in a cooler so I put them in the freezer first to really get the memory/texture right............and i'll eat the whole damn package.

PipeDownCupcake said...

It's true... We all slip occasionally. (Who can resist the thrall of the chocolate coated cookie?) Tomorrow's another day!

Kyra said...

I can't have even a bite, or my brain reconfigures to rationalize having more. Very insidious. :)