I really do feel that this acceptance of myself is a huge part of what may be holding me back. I totally haven't accepted myself as a 'thinner' person. In my mind I'm still a fat girl. I've always said that I'll probably always be a fat girl in my mind. BUT, thinking about it...I've got to do whatever I can to see myself as a normal girl...a little chunky still...but a normal weight. I didn't start to lose the weight until I accepted myself for me. I do feel that my success was and is largely contingent on the fact that I said, "woah, I like myself...even though I'm fat, I really like myself" And while they say that's the key...I'm really starting to feel taht I've changed so much physically.....that I need to really sit down and accept myself again. Yeah, I really like me....but instead of saying "woah, I like myself, even though I'm fat" is no longer relavent. I need to actually sit down and accept the fact that I'm considered 'normal' now. I need to accept my body at this new stage.
I guess I should talk more about my not so secret admirer to explain something. The note that I got was totally out of the blue and yes, a bit weird to get in a professional setting. BUT, talking more about my emotions. Number one when I read it I was in total shock. I laughed! Me...this couldn't be happening to me! I'm a fat girl! NO Way! Fat girls don't get these kinds of letters. Fat girls don't get cat calls/whistles. So why in the world was I getting this note! Shock...plain and simple. Yeah, after I thought about it I started to feel really good about it all. But it does show that I haven't accepted my body at all.
I will also say that a while back, I was crossing the street and got a whistle from a trucker. Yeah, it's a trucker... (no offense to truckers) and I about stumbled and fell because it shocked me so dang much. I don't get whistles!
And that's what needs to change. Apparently I have people that do admire my looks. Yeah, my husband and parents tell me...but do they really count? They love me. And meanwhile, I need to accept myself for what I am now. Thank the good Lord for the note to give me something concrete to really help me realize that I truly have changed.
I haven't been on the scales for a few days. This morning it was with fear and trepidation that I stepped onto the scales. I weighed in at a little over 185. That is down from my high the other day of 189.4 I'll see what my official weigh in is tonight. But I'm confident taht I can keep the scales sliding downward.
WOAH.....you know.....when I first started to lose weight...way back when (120 pounds ago) My goal was to get to roughly 200 pounds. That was my goal. I had said if I could get under 200 pounds I'd be estatic. I never even dreamed of making it into the 170's.....In fact, I thought getting under 200 was a pipe dream. My 'realistic' goal was 220. Going along with the acceptance of myself...I've got to accept the fact that I made that original goal...and create a new goal for myself. Even though once I started losing weight I adjusted my goal downward into the healthy weight range, in my head, I've already far surpassed my original goal. No wonder I've been floundering!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
I alway said that I didn't start losing weight until I accepted myself for myself and said. You know, I'm overweight. I'm goign to accept the fact thaI did this to myself. I dont' have to like it but I accept it. I accept the extra rolls of fat around my stomach. Yes, I'm going to try to change...but I accept it. Maybe I need to accept the fact that I'm no longer morbidly obese. I still think of myself in terms of being 300 plus pounds. I have my admirer that comes through the drive through here at work. (I think I told you about that, a customer~he's about 8 years older than I~ gave me a note that said, I think you are so hot). But in my mind I'm still thinking, how can he think someone that weighs what I do is hot. I'm a tub of lard. Could this be part of the reason i'm not losing....is it a mental block...I've got to accept myself for what I am NOW.....hmmmm food for thought. (ohhhhhh bad pun!)
I was amazed at myself yesterday. Mom and I drove to this fabulous kitchen shoppe (gadgets and gizmo's galore, a perfect heaven for someone that loves that type of thing....my word, we were giddy with it all). She hadn't had lunch so when I stopped to get a drink at Wendy's (I had already downed my 64 ounces of water...so I splurged and drank a diet coke. Yep that's my splurge) she got a small fry. (made me made, she's trying to lose, she's diabetic. Shall I continue??) Anyway, she offered me some. I had two. And then I was like, "They really don't taste all that great", so I stopped. I'll admit, I "wanted" more. But I realized that I didn't really like them and was able to stop.
I was amazed at myself yesterday. Mom and I drove to this fabulous kitchen shoppe (gadgets and gizmo's galore, a perfect heaven for someone that loves that type of thing....my word, we were giddy with it all). She hadn't had lunch so when I stopped to get a drink at Wendy's (I had already downed my 64 ounces of water...so I splurged and drank a diet coke. Yep that's my splurge) she got a small fry. (made me made, she's trying to lose, she's diabetic. Shall I continue??) Anyway, she offered me some. I had two. And then I was like, "They really don't taste all that great", so I stopped. I'll admit, I "wanted" more. But I realized that I didn't really like them and was able to stop.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Am I on a see-saw???
If I even have one bite extra it seems as if my weight skyrockets! I was down...now I'm back up after having a little snitch yesterday.....one that I tried to eradicate by riding the exercise bike extra yesterday......as in I rode 25.3 miles yesterday!!!! Am I just doomed? NO.....I've got to get rid of that mentality! I will do this!!!!!
Here is something that I found on a journal online. It is from a lady that lost a lot of weight...fast 145 pounds in 14 months. And she gained it all back....relatively fast also. Now she is slowly losing. Happy to be losing slowly and here is something that she wrote....an idea she has on this weight loss thing....sounds like it may fit.
I may not have this weight loss thing figured out yet, but there is one thing I have learned for sure. Losing weight fast may look good momentarily, but unless I'm willing to eat that way for the rest of my life.....it will not stay off. I lost 145 pounds in about 14 months....that's very quick. It was quick because I was never happy with a small loss, so I kept cutting foods out of my diet to keep the scale moving down quickly. In the beginning, when I was following the WW program, I was eating everything and I was losing. But the minute those losses slowed down to a slower (and very normal!) pace, I would panic and stop eating some other food group. When I tried to add foods such as bread, cereal, potatoes, pizza, etc, back into my diet....not only did I start craving it from eliminating them all for a year and a half, but the weight starting piling back on twice as fast as I lost it. I would eat a sandwich and chips, and gain five pounds back.....it was like a bad dream that I couldn't wake up from, and it left me dazed when it was over, hating myself......and searching for answers.
That does sound very true. I've limited myself greatly over the last few. I've never elminated though. BUT, once I eat something that I've limited greatly...oh my word...I crave it sooooo bad! AND yes.....the weight comes back really quickly! Will my body ever regulate????
Here is something that I found on a journal online. It is from a lady that lost a lot of weight...fast 145 pounds in 14 months. And she gained it all back....relatively fast also. Now she is slowly losing. Happy to be losing slowly and here is something that she wrote....an idea she has on this weight loss thing....sounds like it may fit.
I may not have this weight loss thing figured out yet, but there is one thing I have learned for sure. Losing weight fast may look good momentarily, but unless I'm willing to eat that way for the rest of my life.....it will not stay off. I lost 145 pounds in about 14 months....that's very quick. It was quick because I was never happy with a small loss, so I kept cutting foods out of my diet to keep the scale moving down quickly. In the beginning, when I was following the WW program, I was eating everything and I was losing. But the minute those losses slowed down to a slower (and very normal!) pace, I would panic and stop eating some other food group. When I tried to add foods such as bread, cereal, potatoes, pizza, etc, back into my diet....not only did I start craving it from eliminating them all for a year and a half, but the weight starting piling back on twice as fast as I lost it. I would eat a sandwich and chips, and gain five pounds back.....it was like a bad dream that I couldn't wake up from, and it left me dazed when it was over, hating myself......and searching for answers.
That does sound very true. I've limited myself greatly over the last few. I've never elminated though. BUT, once I eat something that I've limited greatly...oh my word...I crave it sooooo bad! AND yes.....the weight comes back really quickly! Will my body ever regulate????
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Well....I was doing it. My weight was at 189.4 at my highest (or right around there...I'm at work and don't have my 'book' with me to verify. On Monday my weight was at 186.4. I was so proud of myself. And then Tuesday morning.....189.something. ACK! That is enough to make me ill! I do think some of it was water retention. Yesterday we were working outside and I was running to the bathroom literally once every half hour. So I know I was getting rid of water. I didn't weigh myself this morning....so i dont' know where I'm at.
I will say though...that I'm sure it wasn't all water. I did a little baking on Monday night...and it's quite possible that I had a little bit of cookie dough. Oh yes, and maybe a bite or two of biscotti dough. Well.....and mabye a lick of cake batter.
Exercise wise...I got my mileage in for last week.......more than my goal of 25 miles per day! Riding on Sunday morning for 11.3 miles helped kick that into gear. Actually, I got some mileage in each day....making 5 miles or more each day. Woo hooo!
Well...yesterday we went to use our new chipper and mower. The mower. What took me 3-4 hours last year with the push mower took me exactly 35 minutes with the riding lawn mower! WOO HOOOO! The chipper.... It works like a charm. Or should I say it worked like a charm....until the starter broke (like the third time we went to use it....but we got two hours of work in with it before that happened). Now we are back to 'fighting' with Lowes. It shouldn't be a fight... Well...it started wtih the fact that we actually have delivery coming today. Well, when we called to talk to them about an exchange.. (nope..I don't want that bad boy repaired...it broke the first day we used it...I want an exchange)...anyway,they checked and promised delivery today. Well this morning they called and told us that. Number one, the chipper isn't coming...they dont' have any (AGAIN....this sounds familiar!) and by the way...you aren't getting a delivery today..the only delivery going to Sharpsburg is goign to Darlene Churchey. We politely told them (again...we told them in the store) taht Darlene Churchey is the person that had the number BEFORE us. (Ironically enough, Darlene was a good friend of Todd's grandmother....and she goes to our church....what a coincidence). They then told us that 'oh well..we can't change it now....it's already being delivered. OHHHH NO! I was already at work when Todd relayed this information to me. So I got on the horn and called Lowes.....asked to go to a supervisor immediately. I told her that my frustration level is reaching peak proportions. I told what happened last week and how we had planned to one day to be home for the delivery...but they messed it up so we had to wait and take more time off work (Todd wasn't able to go to the studio...had to cancel a session) for them to fix their mistake last week. AND then this week the same thing! The supervisor apologized and was like, "no, we'll find one at a different store and try to get it to you today." Well, they got the drivers of the truck to bring back the mistaken delivery to our place. And the delivery guys told todd that they didn't have the chipper...and they dont' know much about it...except that we will be getting it today. What a mess! I hate to have to pull the supervisor bit...but that seems to be the only way we can get anything done! I'm fed up with Lowes! BUT, the good thing. I have to admit, I called Todd's idea to get a chipper and make our own mulch a hairbrained idea. I was totally skeptical. Well...turns out (when the chipper is working) it is a wonderful idea. This thing turns these 3 inch in diameter (and long...some up to 10 feet long) branches into this fine chips....we have started a mulch pile off to the side. So the boy came up with a good one! Nope...don't brag him up too much when you see him....he will be too difficult to live with!
Hopefully Dad won't have problems with his new mower that he got from Lowes. I've told him that if he gets it put together on Friday...that on Saturday or Sunday I'll mosey into town and mow the restaurant, their house and my grandmothers yard. It shouldn't take long for those little postage stamp sized yards....even with push mowing...tee hee hee. (and good exercise).
As forementioned, I'm back at work after having a few days off to celebrate our anniversary. HOPEFULLY, the chipper will be there when I get off work at 2....so we can work out in the yard a bit. Well, if the rain holds off. It's a 20% chance today (10% chance this afternoon) So the odds are with us...but this every day being dreary and overcast makes you wonder. The rain better hold off...I was outside this morning in 45 degree temps (it's supposed to get to 60 today) hanging clothes on the line!
I will say though...that I'm sure it wasn't all water. I did a little baking on Monday night...and it's quite possible that I had a little bit of cookie dough. Oh yes, and maybe a bite or two of biscotti dough. Well.....and mabye a lick of cake batter.
Exercise wise...I got my mileage in for last week.......more than my goal of 25 miles per day! Riding on Sunday morning for 11.3 miles helped kick that into gear. Actually, I got some mileage in each day....making 5 miles or more each day. Woo hooo!
Well...yesterday we went to use our new chipper and mower. The mower. What took me 3-4 hours last year with the push mower took me exactly 35 minutes with the riding lawn mower! WOO HOOOO! The chipper.... It works like a charm. Or should I say it worked like a charm....until the starter broke (like the third time we went to use it....but we got two hours of work in with it before that happened). Now we are back to 'fighting' with Lowes. It shouldn't be a fight... Well...it started wtih the fact that we actually have delivery coming today. Well, when we called to talk to them about an exchange.. (nope..I don't want that bad boy repaired...it broke the first day we used it...I want an exchange)...anyway,they checked and promised delivery today. Well this morning they called and told us that. Number one, the chipper isn't coming...they dont' have any (AGAIN....this sounds familiar!) and by the way...you aren't getting a delivery today..the only delivery going to Sharpsburg is goign to Darlene Churchey. We politely told them (again...we told them in the store) taht Darlene Churchey is the person that had the number BEFORE us. (Ironically enough, Darlene was a good friend of Todd's grandmother....and she goes to our church....what a coincidence). They then told us that 'oh well..we can't change it now....it's already being delivered. OHHHH NO! I was already at work when Todd relayed this information to me. So I got on the horn and called Lowes.....asked to go to a supervisor immediately. I told her that my frustration level is reaching peak proportions. I told what happened last week and how we had planned to one day to be home for the delivery...but they messed it up so we had to wait and take more time off work (Todd wasn't able to go to the studio...had to cancel a session) for them to fix their mistake last week. AND then this week the same thing! The supervisor apologized and was like, "no, we'll find one at a different store and try to get it to you today." Well, they got the drivers of the truck to bring back the mistaken delivery to our place. And the delivery guys told todd that they didn't have the chipper...and they dont' know much about it...except that we will be getting it today. What a mess! I hate to have to pull the supervisor bit...but that seems to be the only way we can get anything done! I'm fed up with Lowes! BUT, the good thing. I have to admit, I called Todd's idea to get a chipper and make our own mulch a hairbrained idea. I was totally skeptical. Well...turns out (when the chipper is working) it is a wonderful idea. This thing turns these 3 inch in diameter (and long...some up to 10 feet long) branches into this fine chips....we have started a mulch pile off to the side. So the boy came up with a good one! Nope...don't brag him up too much when you see him....he will be too difficult to live with!
Hopefully Dad won't have problems with his new mower that he got from Lowes. I've told him that if he gets it put together on Friday...that on Saturday or Sunday I'll mosey into town and mow the restaurant, their house and my grandmothers yard. It shouldn't take long for those little postage stamp sized yards....even with push mowing...tee hee hee. (and good exercise).
As forementioned, I'm back at work after having a few days off to celebrate our anniversary. HOPEFULLY, the chipper will be there when I get off work at 2....so we can work out in the yard a bit. Well, if the rain holds off. It's a 20% chance today (10% chance this afternoon) So the odds are with us...but this every day being dreary and overcast makes you wonder. The rain better hold off...I was outside this morning in 45 degree temps (it's supposed to get to 60 today) hanging clothes on the line!
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Feeling much better
Things just kept going catawumpus belly up for me. I could get no control. Friday morning however, I woke up and got on the scales. 189.4!!!! EEECCCCHHHH I kept a tenuous hold on my eating all day Friday. And thus far today, Saturday, I've been able to keep a loose grip on my eating. It's rough. I just want to eat eat eat! BUT I'm not doing it. I refuse to go backwards any longer! I've been exercising......getting in my miles for my challenge. TOday I went out and jogged for 2 miles. I'm planning on getting on the exercise bike to bring myself up t0 5 miles for today...but hoping for at least 7 for today.
Ok...here's a story for you. On one hand, I'm flattered...but I'm also freaked by it! Working at the bank we have regulars that come through. Like especially on Friday nights....it's like clockwork. I chit chat with them all...and it's cool. Well last night one of hte regulars came through the window. I did his transaction and before he pulled away, he picked up an evelope and stuck it in the bucket or me to pull back inside. At first I thought it was something he just wanted me to interoffice to another department...but, He said, "here's something to make you smile". He started to pull away ever so slowly as I opened this sealed envelope. Inside there was a piece of paper and on it were the words. "I think you are SO hot!" He drove away then. This guy is married....probably only about 5-10 years older than I. I have to wait on him every Friday night! I can't do it! Yes, I'm flattered that someone thinks I'm hot. (Yeah, that's actually a huge thing...because being the fat girl, I have never been told that much. Yeah, my parents say I'm good looking...and my husband.....but do they count???) BUT come on....to hand someone a note that says that.....someone you deal with proffessionally??????? It's a bit junior highish isn't it???? YES, I showed it to Todd...he's teasing me about it. However, I"m also teasing him. I asked him to do something trivial last night and he complained...and I was like, "I bet my not so secret admirer wouldn't complain!"
Ok...here's a story for you. On one hand, I'm flattered...but I'm also freaked by it! Working at the bank we have regulars that come through. Like especially on Friday nights....it's like clockwork. I chit chat with them all...and it's cool. Well last night one of hte regulars came through the window. I did his transaction and before he pulled away, he picked up an evelope and stuck it in the bucket or me to pull back inside. At first I thought it was something he just wanted me to interoffice to another department...but, He said, "here's something to make you smile". He started to pull away ever so slowly as I opened this sealed envelope. Inside there was a piece of paper and on it were the words. "I think you are SO hot!" He drove away then. This guy is married....probably only about 5-10 years older than I. I have to wait on him every Friday night! I can't do it! Yes, I'm flattered that someone thinks I'm hot. (Yeah, that's actually a huge thing...because being the fat girl, I have never been told that much. Yeah, my parents say I'm good looking...and my husband.....but do they count???) BUT come on....to hand someone a note that says that.....someone you deal with proffessionally??????? It's a bit junior highish isn't it???? YES, I showed it to Todd...he's teasing me about it. However, I"m also teasing him. I asked him to do something trivial last night and he complained...and I was like, "I bet my not so secret admirer wouldn't complain!"
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Depressed!
Yes...I'm depressed and down in the dumps still!
I did get the house cleaned yesterday. That's about the only positive thing I've accomplished the last day and a half. Lets see...yesterday morning...I decided to hang my wash out on the line....save electricity and all that...plus clothes smell so darn nice when they are hung out to dry (ok, sorry to rub it in...with allergies that's probably not a nice thing). ANYWAY, I got out there, and I got just about the whole load up on the first line and was just about ready to head in to put the next load in the washing maching when I heard this little pop.....and down went my clothes. YEP...the line broke. In all fairness...the line was old. BUT STILL! NEXT, we were waiting around for LOwes to deliver our wood chipper, new mower and sheds. THey got there EARLY...so we were darn excited. Well...the first words out of their mouth was "the chipper is not here". Seems as though even though we ordered it (early enough for the special order...or whatver) they sold it.....so we now had tow ait for them to order it again. OK......we swallowed our dissapointment...we were hoping to start chipping up some of the brush piles that we have around here! NO PROBLEM...we'll start putting up a shed.....a 'mower house' as my mom called it. WAIT A SECOND!!!!!! Where is the flooring kit that was supposed to come free with the sucker!!!!!!! I called back to Lowes immediately....and got transferred to kingdom come......and then transferred again. Finally they took my number and said they would call me back. Meanwhile, TOdd and I decided that since everything else was a bust we would start scrapping the front deck to get it ready to paint. I had just bought a handy dandy Kobalt (nice brand) scrapper.......less than 5 minutes into the process.....the stupid thing broke! Lowes never called back yesterday. WE did go and buy new clothes line and I did get that repaired yesterday evening. THEN lets see...today. Oh yes, my oven rack came (I"ve only got one...which is a pain...you really need to have two)......they sent me the wrong one. I paid a stinkin' $10 shipping fee to ship this rack that was only worth $16...and now I have to pay to ship it back AND still pay to have the correct one shipped to me!
Can I just rewind and start the month again?????? Oh yes...my weight is still up! And not going down any! OF course maybe my eating would be a culprit as to why it's still going up! ARRGGHHH I need to get myself under control (of course my husband asking me to make cookies for him to take somewhere this afternoon didn't help my plan this morning any!) And yes...I"m depressed about this weight thing also! I'm a mess!
I did get the house cleaned yesterday. That's about the only positive thing I've accomplished the last day and a half. Lets see...yesterday morning...I decided to hang my wash out on the line....save electricity and all that...plus clothes smell so darn nice when they are hung out to dry (ok, sorry to rub it in...with allergies that's probably not a nice thing). ANYWAY, I got out there, and I got just about the whole load up on the first line and was just about ready to head in to put the next load in the washing maching when I heard this little pop.....and down went my clothes. YEP...the line broke. In all fairness...the line was old. BUT STILL! NEXT, we were waiting around for LOwes to deliver our wood chipper, new mower and sheds. THey got there EARLY...so we were darn excited. Well...the first words out of their mouth was "the chipper is not here". Seems as though even though we ordered it (early enough for the special order...or whatver) they sold it.....so we now had tow ait for them to order it again. OK......we swallowed our dissapointment...we were hoping to start chipping up some of the brush piles that we have around here! NO PROBLEM...we'll start putting up a shed.....a 'mower house' as my mom called it. WAIT A SECOND!!!!!! Where is the flooring kit that was supposed to come free with the sucker!!!!!!! I called back to Lowes immediately....and got transferred to kingdom come......and then transferred again. Finally they took my number and said they would call me back. Meanwhile, TOdd and I decided that since everything else was a bust we would start scrapping the front deck to get it ready to paint. I had just bought a handy dandy Kobalt (nice brand) scrapper.......less than 5 minutes into the process.....the stupid thing broke! Lowes never called back yesterday. WE did go and buy new clothes line and I did get that repaired yesterday evening. THEN lets see...today. Oh yes, my oven rack came (I"ve only got one...which is a pain...you really need to have two)......they sent me the wrong one. I paid a stinkin' $10 shipping fee to ship this rack that was only worth $16...and now I have to pay to ship it back AND still pay to have the correct one shipped to me!
Can I just rewind and start the month again?????? Oh yes...my weight is still up! And not going down any! OF course maybe my eating would be a culprit as to why it's still going up! ARRGGHHH I need to get myself under control (of course my husband asking me to make cookies for him to take somewhere this afternoon didn't help my plan this morning any!) And yes...I"m depressed about this weight thing also! I'm a mess!
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
battling this upset
Last night at my meeting (I didn' weigh in) I was talking to two of the gals that are regulars (they are both actually lifetimers now). We were talking about my issues...and how I've been stuck in the 180's for about 6-8 months now. I shared how extremely frustrated I am. I lose down to about 180, and then hit a wall. I try and get frustrated so I give up and eat poorly....and gain a little back. I lose those two pounds and hit that same 180 pound wall. I get frustrated and gain a little back.....but instead of two pounds it's three. Each time the gaining gets a little worse! Right now I'm about 8-9 pounds up from my lowest weight! That is terrible. Depressing. Right now I have no control. I am so disgusted with myself that I just want to eat and forget about it all. The gals had some comments and ideas. They are as follows.
1. SHerry thinks I need to see a doctor to have a complete workup done. She talked about how she had hit a wall and just couldn't lose weight and when she went to her doctor and they did bloodwork her hormones were out of whack...they put her on the pill and she started losing. She thinks that all this weight I've lost could have knocked my body out of whack...preventing me from losing anymore weight.
2. Janelle brought up the fact that I'm stressed because I've been spending $40 a month for weight watchers. I've been stressed about this move. Stress stress stress. Stress as we all know negatively affects weight loss.
3. Sherry suggested then that I need to go to a doctor and have a doctor sign off that my current weight is a healthy one for me. Just to have weight watchers accept the fact that this may be my weight....put me on lifetime.....and then I can stop paying. Yeah, I can lose further....but I wouldn't be stressed about paying anymore!
4. They simply encouraged me to not give up. To follow the plan becuase as they said and I even said...we KNOW it works if you follow it consistently...without giving up through the bad times!
Cindy, the receptionist, is having much the same problems that I am having. Just can't seem to get her eating under control......and that helps to know that I'm not the only one!
ON to the challenge. THe challenge is either for walking or other exercise. If we do the walking she encouraged us to pick a mileage that we wanted to aim for. If we did 'other' we could pick an amount of time to aim for as our goal. Well, since I do a combo of both, and some biking and some this and some that. I'm converting everything I do into a mileage and I'm aiming for 25 miles a week......equaling 650 miles for the grand shebang! I can do this!
Just checked weather.com. Chance of precip 0% High of 57. So actually maybe a bit on the cooler side (cooler than I may have preferred) but still a pretty nice day to be outside doing manual labor. WOO HOOOOO!!!!! And just think...every hour of manual labor......worth three miles on my 'conversion' chart!
1. SHerry thinks I need to see a doctor to have a complete workup done. She talked about how she had hit a wall and just couldn't lose weight and when she went to her doctor and they did bloodwork her hormones were out of whack...they put her on the pill and she started losing. She thinks that all this weight I've lost could have knocked my body out of whack...preventing me from losing anymore weight.
2. Janelle brought up the fact that I'm stressed because I've been spending $40 a month for weight watchers. I've been stressed about this move. Stress stress stress. Stress as we all know negatively affects weight loss.
3. Sherry suggested then that I need to go to a doctor and have a doctor sign off that my current weight is a healthy one for me. Just to have weight watchers accept the fact that this may be my weight....put me on lifetime.....and then I can stop paying. Yeah, I can lose further....but I wouldn't be stressed about paying anymore!
4. They simply encouraged me to not give up. To follow the plan becuase as they said and I even said...we KNOW it works if you follow it consistently...without giving up through the bad times!
Cindy, the receptionist, is having much the same problems that I am having. Just can't seem to get her eating under control......and that helps to know that I'm not the only one!
ON to the challenge. THe challenge is either for walking or other exercise. If we do the walking she encouraged us to pick a mileage that we wanted to aim for. If we did 'other' we could pick an amount of time to aim for as our goal. Well, since I do a combo of both, and some biking and some this and some that. I'm converting everything I do into a mileage and I'm aiming for 25 miles a week......equaling 650 miles for the grand shebang! I can do this!
Just checked weather.com. Chance of precip 0% High of 57. So actually maybe a bit on the cooler side (cooler than I may have preferred) but still a pretty nice day to be outside doing manual labor. WOO HOOOOO!!!!! And just think...every hour of manual labor......worth three miles on my 'conversion' chart!
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Feeling Blue
Yes, i'm feeling blue. Down in the dumps. Somewhat depressed. Just pain out and out blah! You see....last week i was determined to turn my downward spiral around. I was so strong. I did so good. I dropped two pounds. Then one day, all of a sudden with no warning and no reason, my weight jumped back up those two pounds. I sucked it up and kept chugging along. UNTIL SUNDAY! Da-Da-Da-DUM. Yes, Sunday came...and I lost it. I ate and ate and ate....cake. Cake batter, hot cake from the oven, cake with icing. My normal food intake had started out good, but once I started eating the cake...why the heck should I hold back. For dinner I joined mom and dad at the Craker Barrel and I had a sandwich and applesauce. No, that's not all that bad...but did I have teh points for it? NO! Had I already eaten enough veggies for the day? NO! Should i maybe have gotten the veggie plate? YES! I did however refrain from the biscuits and cornbread. I told her to only bring the one for my dad. Monday....I was planning on eating at home before goign to work....so i wouldn't be tempted to eat the potluck food. DID I? Oh yeah, I had to muffins, a banana and a homemade granola bar (or two). WHat's up with that....and then since I had only had 'a snack'...I ate at work! Sheesh! And then about an hour or two later before it was put away, I had round two! Oh yeah..... Ate a full dinner when I got home also! Not something to be proud of.
SOOOOO this morning I stepped on the scales.....188.something. I can't remember the something. 188!!!! That makes me want to cry. I just can't seem to get myself under control! I am going to my meeting tonight. I'm not weighing in....I'm too depressed to see my official weigh in (plus I already ate my big meal of the day with Todd at lunch, so that will skew my weigh in anyway). I am going to go to the meeting though. I think we are getting ready to start a walking/activity/fitness challenge tonight....and I want to get the particulars on that.
Tomorrow our stuff from Lowes will be delivered. Hopefully the weather will cooperate because we want to work outside all day. If we have to be grounded at the house, we may as well be outside working. We are hoping to work more to clear some more land. I may work on striping the paint on the front porch. Andif the stuff is delivered early...the options of things to do outside is almost endless!
SOOOOO this morning I stepped on the scales.....188.something. I can't remember the something. 188!!!! That makes me want to cry. I just can't seem to get myself under control! I am going to my meeting tonight. I'm not weighing in....I'm too depressed to see my official weigh in (plus I already ate my big meal of the day with Todd at lunch, so that will skew my weigh in anyway). I am going to go to the meeting though. I think we are getting ready to start a walking/activity/fitness challenge tonight....and I want to get the particulars on that.
Tomorrow our stuff from Lowes will be delivered. Hopefully the weather will cooperate because we want to work outside all day. If we have to be grounded at the house, we may as well be outside working. We are hoping to work more to clear some more land. I may work on striping the paint on the front porch. Andif the stuff is delivered early...the options of things to do outside is almost endless!
Monday, March 31, 2008
Eating, exercise and lots of miles
I've been really thinking about my eating and how I feel. Another thing that I've noticed and thought about...my stomach never 'growls' to tell me that I'm hungry.....what brought that up is that Dr. Ohz said in his book that ghrelin (the hormone that tells you when you are hungry) is working..t.hat's what causes the growling. Hmm...my stomach only rumbles when I'm sick or something.....interesting.
I did go to the grocery store on Friday night. I got the coconut and did make the granola bars. HEAVENLY! ADDICTING! YUMMY! Yes, they are pretty good. I also rode my exercise bike on Friday night. About 10 minutes into my 'ride' my mom called. So I talked to her while riding. We talked for about 10-15 minutes during which time someone else tried to call me. I ignored the call...but when I hung up with mom I picked up the voice mail. It was my friend. I immediately jumped off the bike and called her right back. What a blessing to hear her voice!
Saturday....we worked outside for a few hours! It felt so good to be outside and working! I grilled steaks and potatoes for dinner. Food tastes sooo much better when you actually work for it!
On sunday my eating went a bit downhill. Not only did I NOT exercise, but mom and I baked...I ate! ARRRGHHHHH That is so not cool! Then today, I did at least ride the exercise bike this morning...however my eating and choices of food have not been stellar! At least I'm denying myself. I could continue to eat .....I want to continue to eat...but I'm not. I'm refusing. I had a nibble of pretty much everything at the potluck. I had a piece of cake......taste wise, I know that I'm satisfied. What it is....I know how good the stuff tasted and I'd LOVE to have more! BUT NO! NOt gonna do it!
I'm anxious for my weight watcher meeting tomorrow night. If I heard correctly, my leader is starting a 'challenge' to get us up and moving. It is designed around walking but she had made a comment that we could adapt it so that it could work with biking and other forms of exercise. i've done that as Iv'e thought about my goals and that I want to aim for. I'm going to aim for 25 miles a week. I can get that anyway I can. If I'm doing something that can easily be marked by miles (such as the exercise bike, the treadmill, walking with my pedometer, outdoor bike, etc) I'll count the actual mileage. If it is something like swimming in a pool...actively that is...or manual labor outside or something that I'm actually working.....or even an exercise video. I'm goign to count 15 minutes of that activity time as 1 mile. In this way I can still have and lead the varied exercise life but i can still participate. I"m actually really looking foward to this challenge. I've mentioned it to a few people and they seem to be interested also...so maybe I will have some friends do it with me outside of my weight watchers buddies! That would be way cool! Sooo...how did I come up wth 25 miles a week. Well.....if I were just walking, that would seem like an awful lot....but since I bike and do the elliptical and stuff like that...I can rack up miles pretty quickly. In fact, in the summer when Todd and I do a long bike trip, I'll knock off 25 miles on one trip. So those weeks, the 25 miles will be a cinch. However, on busy weeks or rainy weeks when I can't get out on my bike, that 25 miles will be much more difficult to reach. It will be 5 days of riding the exercise bike for about 20-25 minutes. When I think of it in terms of time on my exercise bike...it's not soo bad. I'm also planning on riding my bike to work some this summer. That will rack up 5 miles (round trip). So I think i can do it. :-) Root for me! Join me! It's all good! Of course I'll know more exactly after my meeting on Tuesday as to the challenge!
I did go to the grocery store on Friday night. I got the coconut and did make the granola bars. HEAVENLY! ADDICTING! YUMMY! Yes, they are pretty good. I also rode my exercise bike on Friday night. About 10 minutes into my 'ride' my mom called. So I talked to her while riding. We talked for about 10-15 minutes during which time someone else tried to call me. I ignored the call...but when I hung up with mom I picked up the voice mail. It was my friend. I immediately jumped off the bike and called her right back. What a blessing to hear her voice!
Saturday....we worked outside for a few hours! It felt so good to be outside and working! I grilled steaks and potatoes for dinner. Food tastes sooo much better when you actually work for it!
On sunday my eating went a bit downhill. Not only did I NOT exercise, but mom and I baked...I ate! ARRRGHHHHH That is so not cool! Then today, I did at least ride the exercise bike this morning...however my eating and choices of food have not been stellar! At least I'm denying myself. I could continue to eat .....I want to continue to eat...but I'm not. I'm refusing. I had a nibble of pretty much everything at the potluck. I had a piece of cake......taste wise, I know that I'm satisfied. What it is....I know how good the stuff tasted and I'd LOVE to have more! BUT NO! NOt gonna do it!
I'm anxious for my weight watcher meeting tomorrow night. If I heard correctly, my leader is starting a 'challenge' to get us up and moving. It is designed around walking but she had made a comment that we could adapt it so that it could work with biking and other forms of exercise. i've done that as Iv'e thought about my goals and that I want to aim for. I'm going to aim for 25 miles a week. I can get that anyway I can. If I'm doing something that can easily be marked by miles (such as the exercise bike, the treadmill, walking with my pedometer, outdoor bike, etc) I'll count the actual mileage. If it is something like swimming in a pool...actively that is...or manual labor outside or something that I'm actually working.....or even an exercise video. I'm goign to count 15 minutes of that activity time as 1 mile. In this way I can still have and lead the varied exercise life but i can still participate. I"m actually really looking foward to this challenge. I've mentioned it to a few people and they seem to be interested also...so maybe I will have some friends do it with me outside of my weight watchers buddies! That would be way cool! Sooo...how did I come up wth 25 miles a week. Well.....if I were just walking, that would seem like an awful lot....but since I bike and do the elliptical and stuff like that...I can rack up miles pretty quickly. In fact, in the summer when Todd and I do a long bike trip, I'll knock off 25 miles on one trip. So those weeks, the 25 miles will be a cinch. However, on busy weeks or rainy weeks when I can't get out on my bike, that 25 miles will be much more difficult to reach. It will be 5 days of riding the exercise bike for about 20-25 minutes. When I think of it in terms of time on my exercise bike...it's not soo bad. I'm also planning on riding my bike to work some this summer. That will rack up 5 miles (round trip). So I think i can do it. :-) Root for me! Join me! It's all good! Of course I'll know more exactly after my meeting on Tuesday as to the challenge!
Friday, March 28, 2008
Ramblings
My weight this morning was 185.0. I'm happy with that. No...don't get me wrong, I'd love for it to be lower. But considering on Tuesday morning I wwas 187....I"m pretty darn tickled to be two pounds lower! I'm not doing too overly bad with eating today. I've got about 10 points for dinner...so I should be ok.
I'm actually thinking about running to the store (about 10 miles away) to pick up some coconut so that I can make some granola bars tonight. I'm just not sure I want to drive over there for coconut. hmmmmmm..... Todd won't be getting off of work until about 10 or 11...so it's not like I have to rush home for anything. I am heading to the grocery store on Sunday...so I could delay making the bars a few days and just get the coconut when I go to the store. Hmmm...I guess I'll probably decide at the moment that I get in my car and pull out of the lot after work.
In my research and looking at the possibility of a gene issue...or hormonal issue, I stumbled across another idea. Leptin. Without Leptin in our bodies, we pretty much eat non-stop...our brain doesn't get the signal for us to stop eating. So that is another option......Doesn't change much of anything..just makes me feel better knowing that this may have been something way out of my control....and knowing makes me feel better and more ready to tackle the weight again.
I'm actually thinking about running to the store (about 10 miles away) to pick up some coconut so that I can make some granola bars tonight. I'm just not sure I want to drive over there for coconut. hmmmmmm..... Todd won't be getting off of work until about 10 or 11...so it's not like I have to rush home for anything. I am heading to the grocery store on Sunday...so I could delay making the bars a few days and just get the coconut when I go to the store. Hmmm...I guess I'll probably decide at the moment that I get in my car and pull out of the lot after work.
In my research and looking at the possibility of a gene issue...or hormonal issue, I stumbled across another idea. Leptin. Without Leptin in our bodies, we pretty much eat non-stop...our brain doesn't get the signal for us to stop eating. So that is another option......Doesn't change much of anything..just makes me feel better knowing that this may have been something way out of my control....and knowing makes me feel better and more ready to tackle the weight again.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
My sexy honey. He is also losing weight and while he has grumbled because his progress sometimes seems slow, I can see a huge diffference in his body....not to mention his clothing sizes have dropped drastically. (5 pants sizes smaller....go Todd!) Oh yeah, and look at his shirt....That is a mans tee shirt that I used to wear.....tightly might I add....now it's even loose on Todd!
A glimpse of me on top of Maryland Heights. There is a glimpse of the view. Doesn't seem that far up....well the bridge that you see behind me is actually a railroad bridge with 2 tracks! AND NO, I didn't get a picture and copy and paste my body onto the picture...I HIKED up there! It was a warm day.....but up at the overlook it was quite windy! I quickly put my sweatshirt on! (which is why I am holding it...I was getting ready to put it on!)
Ahhh don't you love those pictures when you hold the camer out and take a snap of yourself! This one wasn't too bad. It is interesting because you can see how our faces are thinning out!
A view of my beloved canal! If youwant to know how high I hiked...my car is parked down on level with the canal (which is wide enough for a vehicle)Today I'm going to go backwards and talk about my day yesterday before I talk about my weight issues!
Well, last night I was too keyed up and I wanted to get my thoughts down on ‘paper’ about this gene/hormone thing…and I just typed and typed and typed and I decided to write my days activities today instead.
Tuesday night…..what’s up with Tuesday nights and sleeping????? It was the second Tuesday night in a row that I’ve had major issues sleeping! I went to bed at someone around 11:30 to midnight. I fell asleep just fine and slept just fine until exactly 1:45 (I looked at the clock) when I was rudely awoken by Jodi as she struggled to cough up a hair ball. Nope..she never did..poor kitty (yeah to me to not have to clean it up though). I flipped on the light quickly to find out where she was though because a few weeks ago I woke up to that sound and she was on my pillow…OVER MY HEAD…yes, she got booted from bed pretty quickly that night! Well, the cat regurgitation sounds just must have been enough to totally wake me up. I laid in bed……and laid in bed…and laid in bed. Finally at a little before 3AM I got up and went to the living room. I saw the tail end of Andrew Zimern (or whatever his name is..the guy that does the travel and foods thing…great show) doing Minnesota. Then I flipped to the discovery health and watched some Trauma ER stuff…blood and guts stuff. My they show much more graphic stuff at 3 in the morning. Like I totally got to see them pin a broken arm…I literally saw the jagged bones as they had their hands holding them together INSIDE this kids arms. Pretty cool stuff. But anyway, I digress…..At 4 I turned out the light and turned off the tv…I was getting sleepy! I fell asleep pretty easily and slept about 6 AM when I awoke to the sound of splintering glass. I immediately knew what it was. When I had got up in the middle of the night, I had got a glass of water and had it on the bar between the living room and kitchen. Yep…sure enough when I flipped on the lights there on the bar sat not the glass…but Ethel…all innocent. Sooooo I cleaned up the kitchen floor…..I gave the cats new food and water (can’t risk that a shard of glass got into the dishes!). I’m wide awake at at that point and don’t even try to go back to sleep. I watched some “Birth Day” episodes on tv…and play on the computer until I call mom and Todd wakes up.
IN the morning we go to Hagerstown to Lowes and Target. At Target I get a new watch. My old one broke so I’ve been wearing my heart rate monitor…which is a watch and has the time..but is huge, bulky and if I wear it any great length of time (as in over 24 hours) drives me nuts! Then on to Lowes. Today we invested in a small prefab garden shed. We were going to build our own…but decided that we still have so much work around here that needs to get done before we will consider this place totally up to our standards that adding the construction of a shed was just too much. However, we needed something desparately for garden tools…and Todd needed something for his tools. So, we got two sheds. Both the same. 10 by 12 feet. We also invested in a RED riding lawn mower! I love red! J Ok…so I didn’t pick it because it was red. We actually like Troybilt stuff. I had told Todd that I was happy with the one..but he talked me into upgrading to the one above it. For 200 dollars we got 2 more horsepower and 4 more inches on the cutting deck. We are also the proud owners of a wood chipper….that will come in handy while cutting down the brush and trees that have grown. And I’m not talking just a small amount of stuff…..maybe an acre or two.
We rushed home and had a quick lunch and then off we went. We drove down to the Maryland side of the river at Harpers Ferry and parked the car. And up we went. We hiked up Maryland Heights…to the overlook. That is a round trip of about 4.5 miles….with much strenuous uphill climbing….about 1500 feet up. GREAT exercise. The view at the top though. Breathtaking! What a gorgeous view of Harpers Ferry and the surrounding area. I loved the view of my beloved canal stretching out far beneath me! The weather was spectacular! I thought the trip down would be easier…and it wasn’t as intense cardio wise…but muscular wise it was worse. We had to keep the muscles in our legs engaged and leaning back almost constantly….great workout! Here’s a blurb about Maryland Heights from an NPS website….”MARYLAND HEIGHTS, which towers 1,448 feet above the rivers, is the area's most strenuous – and rewarding – hike. In addition to furnishing breathtaking views of Harpers Ferry and the Potomac River, the mountain hides the ruins of many Civil War fortifications. Infantry trenches, artillery redoubts, ammunition pits, and military camps once extended across the heights”
We took a drive and then ended up in Charlestown at the Mountain View Diner. I was doomed when I walked in….they had Salisbury steak as a special…..and I love their Salisbury steak! The problem……it’s HUGE!
We came home and I did some light straightening up around the house. But mostly I just relaxed!
Today I woke up and fully cleaned the house. The toilets are glistening…the tub shines. The floors are spotless. The only thing that is not done is the bed is not remade. I’m washing the sheets….I’ll just put the sheets that I’m washing back on the bed. But other than that…the house is spotless! Woo hooo!
I need to still do my exercise for today. I’m not sure what I’m going to do…but most likely it will be something when I get off of work. I may do a video! J
Woo hoooo…update…the laundry is all folded..the bed is made…All is TOTALLY done!
Since I did it backwards today….lets move onto the main purpose in me keeping this blog. I’m still blown away with the thought of this gene/hormone thing. I feel more at peace with my journey and where I’m at than I have in a long time. I think it brought me a sense of peace. I guess in one way I felt like a failure because I haven’t been able to figure out when my body is telling me I’m full…..well if my body doesn’t do that, I was trying in vain for years! I’m not a failure. In fact, I’m an even bigger success because I’ve lost weight through sheer willpower, without any indicators from within my body to help guide me along. So it is with much peace that I learned about this thing that MAY be something that is hindering me. This discovery has apparently been relatively recent….and they are still working on testing and truly discovering it in humans. But it’s one of those things that I know without a shadow of a doubt that is me. No…it doesn’t fix my problems with my weight. It doesn’t give me a formula to even know HOW to fix my weight issues. But it gives me peace. Maybe that’s what’s been missing!
Lunch is over…we had our bigger meal (our together meal) today at lunch as Todd works all night. So I’ll have my lighter meal when I get off work. That will work for me. 8 points for dinner. I can do that! Especially since I’ve got leftover green beans AND leftover sauerkraut in the fridge. Two zero points foods! YIPPEE!!
Tuesday night…..what’s up with Tuesday nights and sleeping????? It was the second Tuesday night in a row that I’ve had major issues sleeping! I went to bed at someone around 11:30 to midnight. I fell asleep just fine and slept just fine until exactly 1:45 (I looked at the clock) when I was rudely awoken by Jodi as she struggled to cough up a hair ball. Nope..she never did..poor kitty (yeah to me to not have to clean it up though). I flipped on the light quickly to find out where she was though because a few weeks ago I woke up to that sound and she was on my pillow…OVER MY HEAD…yes, she got booted from bed pretty quickly that night! Well, the cat regurgitation sounds just must have been enough to totally wake me up. I laid in bed……and laid in bed…and laid in bed. Finally at a little before 3AM I got up and went to the living room. I saw the tail end of Andrew Zimern (or whatever his name is..the guy that does the travel and foods thing…great show) doing Minnesota. Then I flipped to the discovery health and watched some Trauma ER stuff…blood and guts stuff. My they show much more graphic stuff at 3 in the morning. Like I totally got to see them pin a broken arm…I literally saw the jagged bones as they had their hands holding them together INSIDE this kids arms. Pretty cool stuff. But anyway, I digress…..At 4 I turned out the light and turned off the tv…I was getting sleepy! I fell asleep pretty easily and slept about 6 AM when I awoke to the sound of splintering glass. I immediately knew what it was. When I had got up in the middle of the night, I had got a glass of water and had it on the bar between the living room and kitchen. Yep…sure enough when I flipped on the lights there on the bar sat not the glass…but Ethel…all innocent. Sooooo I cleaned up the kitchen floor…..I gave the cats new food and water (can’t risk that a shard of glass got into the dishes!). I’m wide awake at at that point and don’t even try to go back to sleep. I watched some “Birth Day” episodes on tv…and play on the computer until I call mom and Todd wakes up.
IN the morning we go to Hagerstown to Lowes and Target. At Target I get a new watch. My old one broke so I’ve been wearing my heart rate monitor…which is a watch and has the time..but is huge, bulky and if I wear it any great length of time (as in over 24 hours) drives me nuts! Then on to Lowes. Today we invested in a small prefab garden shed. We were going to build our own…but decided that we still have so much work around here that needs to get done before we will consider this place totally up to our standards that adding the construction of a shed was just too much. However, we needed something desparately for garden tools…and Todd needed something for his tools. So, we got two sheds. Both the same. 10 by 12 feet. We also invested in a RED riding lawn mower! I love red! J Ok…so I didn’t pick it because it was red. We actually like Troybilt stuff. I had told Todd that I was happy with the one..but he talked me into upgrading to the one above it. For 200 dollars we got 2 more horsepower and 4 more inches on the cutting deck. We are also the proud owners of a wood chipper….that will come in handy while cutting down the brush and trees that have grown. And I’m not talking just a small amount of stuff…..maybe an acre or two.
We rushed home and had a quick lunch and then off we went. We drove down to the Maryland side of the river at Harpers Ferry and parked the car. And up we went. We hiked up Maryland Heights…to the overlook. That is a round trip of about 4.5 miles….with much strenuous uphill climbing….about 1500 feet up. GREAT exercise. The view at the top though. Breathtaking! What a gorgeous view of Harpers Ferry and the surrounding area. I loved the view of my beloved canal stretching out far beneath me! The weather was spectacular! I thought the trip down would be easier…and it wasn’t as intense cardio wise…but muscular wise it was worse. We had to keep the muscles in our legs engaged and leaning back almost constantly….great workout! Here’s a blurb about Maryland Heights from an NPS website….”MARYLAND HEIGHTS, which towers 1,448 feet above the rivers, is the area's most strenuous – and rewarding – hike. In addition to furnishing breathtaking views of Harpers Ferry and the Potomac River, the mountain hides the ruins of many Civil War fortifications. Infantry trenches, artillery redoubts, ammunition pits, and military camps once extended across the heights”
We took a drive and then ended up in Charlestown at the Mountain View Diner. I was doomed when I walked in….they had Salisbury steak as a special…..and I love their Salisbury steak! The problem……it’s HUGE!
We came home and I did some light straightening up around the house. But mostly I just relaxed!
Today I woke up and fully cleaned the house. The toilets are glistening…the tub shines. The floors are spotless. The only thing that is not done is the bed is not remade. I’m washing the sheets….I’ll just put the sheets that I’m washing back on the bed. But other than that…the house is spotless! Woo hooo!
I need to still do my exercise for today. I’m not sure what I’m going to do…but most likely it will be something when I get off of work. I may do a video! J
Woo hoooo…update…the laundry is all folded..the bed is made…All is TOTALLY done!
Since I did it backwards today….lets move onto the main purpose in me keeping this blog. I’m still blown away with the thought of this gene/hormone thing. I feel more at peace with my journey and where I’m at than I have in a long time. I think it brought me a sense of peace. I guess in one way I felt like a failure because I haven’t been able to figure out when my body is telling me I’m full…..well if my body doesn’t do that, I was trying in vain for years! I’m not a failure. In fact, I’m an even bigger success because I’ve lost weight through sheer willpower, without any indicators from within my body to help guide me along. So it is with much peace that I learned about this thing that MAY be something that is hindering me. This discovery has apparently been relatively recent….and they are still working on testing and truly discovering it in humans. But it’s one of those things that I know without a shadow of a doubt that is me. No…it doesn’t fix my problems with my weight. It doesn’t give me a formula to even know HOW to fix my weight issues. But it gives me peace. Maybe that’s what’s been missing!
Lunch is over…we had our bigger meal (our together meal) today at lunch as Todd works all night. So I’ll have my lighter meal when I get off work. That will work for me. 8 points for dinner. I can do that! Especially since I’ve got leftover green beans AND leftover sauerkraut in the fridge. Two zero points foods! YIPPEE!!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Frustrations Understood??????
At my meeting last night I ended up showing a gain of 4.6 pounds. Yep, I gained just about 5 pounds! I was sharing with some of my friends that I'm just incredibly frustrated. I am eating aimlessly, mindlessly and simply without reason. I shared that I see a food and even though I just may have eaten a full meal..the thought of that other food is in my head and I MUST have it. WEIRD. I talked to her about how I see food in the kitchen and I just want it....for example, if I see the apples sitting innocently on the counter....it may trigger me to think Apple PIe...and then I must get the ingredients and make one! My eating is not a thing of needing or desiring physically....it's totally mental. I mentally want this food...there is nothing physical about it! And I keep eating until I'm sick!
I was then sharing with another friend my frustrations and how sick I get of people telling me to 'listen to my body for the signal that it is full'. What the heck???? I"ve been waiting for that signal for AGES....and I have never heard that call. I shared with her a story...true life and it had just happened to me the night before. I got home from work and made dinner for Todd and I. I ate dinner....a nice healthy amount....nothing skimpy probably more than I should have. ANd of course after dinner I cleaned up. I"m still washing dishes by hand as my dishwasher connection is still not up and running. NO problem. I finished washing the dishes and realized that I had meant to make a perogi casserole for Tuesday night. That involved me peeling potatoes, cooking them and making mashed potatoes.....along with sauteing onions and cooking noodles (ok, so it isn't the healthiest casserole...it's delicious though!). SO it was at least a good 30-45 minutes before I had that mess all cleaned up. I looked over and saw the loaf of bread. That trigged the thought about how good toast tastes.....so I up and had some toast. Now remember, I had just eaten a full meal about an hour or so earlier. (yes, fully balanced...protein, veggies, controlled carbs, etc etc etc) There was no way on this earth that I needed that toast. You can't say that my stomach had not caught up to what I ate...it was freakin' 45 minutes later! What was up with that? Well, I went to the computer and I was checking email and playing some games online and about 30-40 minutes later I stumbled across a recipe for muffins that sounded interesting. (yes, those blue cheese muffins mentioned in my previous post). Wow...muffins sound good....Ill go make some. Yes, I ate one! WHy...I now have had about an hour and a half for my stomach to catch up!!!! What's up with this. Oh yes.....a little later I had an ice cream bar...oh and I had some candy. WHY? I couldn't be hungry.....this was not a physical thing....and why the heck wasn't I feeling full after all this time????? SO I was relating to my friend that I just dont' ever feel full...not matter what I seem to do.
My friend looked at me and and actually understood. She didn't laugh like some people do. SHe didn't scoff and say, 'you'll learn...or you just need to 'listen'" she actually mentioned an article that she had read a while back about them identifying a gene that if it is missing causes the 'full' message to not get to the brain. WOAH doggie..this sounds like me.
I was extremely excited about this because I've been talking to my mom quite a bit recently about the fact that I never feel full. I will simply eat until I"m sick...unless I stop myself just becuase I know that I"ve had enough based solely on the amount that I ate and not how I feel. What really brought it to the forefront is because my sisterinlaw or brother had told my mom that my young nephew (1 year old...who is now eating 'adult' food) simply keeps eating unti he is pretty much miserable and sick. THey have to physically remove him from the food area...or remove the food from in front of him. That sparked me to think about the fact this may be something more genetic.
So, this morning when I couldn't sleep, I got up and got online and started researching. I found that they have identified a gene that creates a hormone called obestatin that is made in the stomach and small intestine and it seems to prompt the brain to send out a signal that says 'eat less"....the full signal. Ironically enough the article mentioned that this same gene also produced the hormone called ghrelin...and this is the exact opposite of obestatin...this hormone gives the hungry signal. SO I started thinking......have I ever been truely hungry. No...I dont' think so. I eat because it's "time" to eat.....or socially....or because I get a 'bee' in my bonnet for some food sinply because I love food. But, if I'm occupied I could go hours and days without food and not miss it...and not be feeling miserable without it. IN fact, my first year at BNYC (youth conference) I didnt' eat anything for a week. I didn't want anything...I was too busy and occupied to eat. I wasn't sick I wasn't hungry...I simply didn't eat. BUT, am I thinking this because I'm grasping at straws looking for an answer to these questions.
My questions prompted me to call my mom. I didn't tell her why I was asking these questions...but I asked her if she ever truely felt hungry. SHe started laughing a bit and was said, "when we had the restaurant, I made acomment that I was never hungry...I just ate because." She went on to relate that my grandmother and everyone at the restaurant at that time just laughed and laughed and laughed and called her crazy! I of course have already talked to her in depth about feeling full....she never feels full either.
OH MY WORD! HAVE I FOUND SOME OF THE REASONS FOR THIS WEIGHT MESS I"M IN???
IT makes absolute sense to me. The pieces click. The information that I read states that they are going to try to work on a drug that can synthetically give us these hormones that we are missing. I'm not excited to have that option...I'm tickled because I now understand why I struggle with how much I eat. I knwo I'm not crazy. And I know that no matter how many times someone tells me to 'listen to my body' I don't have to feel inferior and sit at home fretting because I can't 'hear' my body.
So today I really listened to my body. I woke up at 6am and I was putzing around the house. I was busy and occupied......I thought about food. I knew what I was going to have for breakfast...but I listened to how my body felt. NOTHING. I finally ate at 9am simply because I know that I need to eat to remain healthy. How did I feel after I ate....the same as before I ate. Todd and I went to town and did a few errends. We got home at about 12:30. I had listened to my body the whole time in town. Was I hungry...did I feel any differently...nope. I ate lunch (making sure it was balanced with everything to make it a healthy meal). I stopped eating simply because my 'alloted food' was already eaten! How did I feel aferwards.....the same. No difference in how I felt. Todd and I hiked up Maryland Heights to the overlook. It was a stenuous hike up the side of a mountain....from the bottom to the top. And then back down. When it was over did I feel hungry or any differently? No. We took a drive and went out to dinner. Was I hungry? NO. HOw did I feel after I ate my dinner...which I ate because I knew I had to eat to remain healthy...and because I like the food at that restaurant)....NO DIFFERENT!
It is a relief! Todd was sitting there talking about how full he was.....and I had no feelings like that. In the past, I've always wanted to cry when this happens because it makes me feel like a glutton. But tonight it made sense.
One other thing that makes sense....I've lost a considerable amount of weight.....and I came to the conclusion a few weeks ago that I did it because I simply ate my alloted points and then stopped. So it is possible to succeed even with this issue. It also makes sense why I hated core and why I gained on the core plan. ANY food...even the healthy ones can turn into bad ones when you can't stop....and since I was looking for that 'full' feeling....because on core you can eat until your full/satisfied....I was looking for something that I was never going to feel.
As for my satisfaction with eating. It is not in how I 'feel'....it's in my happiness with the taste of the foods that I just ate. When I leave a restaurant and I'm satisfied....it's because I enjoyed the food. When I say I'm satisfied, I'm satisfied with the experience.
I think just knowing this, will help me because I now will not waste my time on waiting for that full/satisfied feeling. I know I just need to eat what is a healthy amount (based on my points) and stop there. THAT is what will work. Simply feeding myself what I should be eating and not going over that.
I was then sharing with another friend my frustrations and how sick I get of people telling me to 'listen to my body for the signal that it is full'. What the heck???? I"ve been waiting for that signal for AGES....and I have never heard that call. I shared with her a story...true life and it had just happened to me the night before. I got home from work and made dinner for Todd and I. I ate dinner....a nice healthy amount....nothing skimpy probably more than I should have. ANd of course after dinner I cleaned up. I"m still washing dishes by hand as my dishwasher connection is still not up and running. NO problem. I finished washing the dishes and realized that I had meant to make a perogi casserole for Tuesday night. That involved me peeling potatoes, cooking them and making mashed potatoes.....along with sauteing onions and cooking noodles (ok, so it isn't the healthiest casserole...it's delicious though!). SO it was at least a good 30-45 minutes before I had that mess all cleaned up. I looked over and saw the loaf of bread. That trigged the thought about how good toast tastes.....so I up and had some toast. Now remember, I had just eaten a full meal about an hour or so earlier. (yes, fully balanced...protein, veggies, controlled carbs, etc etc etc) There was no way on this earth that I needed that toast. You can't say that my stomach had not caught up to what I ate...it was freakin' 45 minutes later! What was up with that? Well, I went to the computer and I was checking email and playing some games online and about 30-40 minutes later I stumbled across a recipe for muffins that sounded interesting. (yes, those blue cheese muffins mentioned in my previous post). Wow...muffins sound good....Ill go make some. Yes, I ate one! WHy...I now have had about an hour and a half for my stomach to catch up!!!! What's up with this. Oh yes.....a little later I had an ice cream bar...oh and I had some candy. WHY? I couldn't be hungry.....this was not a physical thing....and why the heck wasn't I feeling full after all this time????? SO I was relating to my friend that I just dont' ever feel full...not matter what I seem to do.
My friend looked at me and and actually understood. She didn't laugh like some people do. SHe didn't scoff and say, 'you'll learn...or you just need to 'listen'" she actually mentioned an article that she had read a while back about them identifying a gene that if it is missing causes the 'full' message to not get to the brain. WOAH doggie..this sounds like me.
I was extremely excited about this because I've been talking to my mom quite a bit recently about the fact that I never feel full. I will simply eat until I"m sick...unless I stop myself just becuase I know that I"ve had enough based solely on the amount that I ate and not how I feel. What really brought it to the forefront is because my sisterinlaw or brother had told my mom that my young nephew (1 year old...who is now eating 'adult' food) simply keeps eating unti he is pretty much miserable and sick. THey have to physically remove him from the food area...or remove the food from in front of him. That sparked me to think about the fact this may be something more genetic.
So, this morning when I couldn't sleep, I got up and got online and started researching. I found that they have identified a gene that creates a hormone called obestatin that is made in the stomach and small intestine and it seems to prompt the brain to send out a signal that says 'eat less"....the full signal. Ironically enough the article mentioned that this same gene also produced the hormone called ghrelin...and this is the exact opposite of obestatin...this hormone gives the hungry signal. SO I started thinking......have I ever been truely hungry. No...I dont' think so. I eat because it's "time" to eat.....or socially....or because I get a 'bee' in my bonnet for some food sinply because I love food. But, if I'm occupied I could go hours and days without food and not miss it...and not be feeling miserable without it. IN fact, my first year at BNYC (youth conference) I didnt' eat anything for a week. I didn't want anything...I was too busy and occupied to eat. I wasn't sick I wasn't hungry...I simply didn't eat. BUT, am I thinking this because I'm grasping at straws looking for an answer to these questions.
My questions prompted me to call my mom. I didn't tell her why I was asking these questions...but I asked her if she ever truely felt hungry. SHe started laughing a bit and was said, "when we had the restaurant, I made acomment that I was never hungry...I just ate because." She went on to relate that my grandmother and everyone at the restaurant at that time just laughed and laughed and laughed and called her crazy! I of course have already talked to her in depth about feeling full....she never feels full either.
OH MY WORD! HAVE I FOUND SOME OF THE REASONS FOR THIS WEIGHT MESS I"M IN???
IT makes absolute sense to me. The pieces click. The information that I read states that they are going to try to work on a drug that can synthetically give us these hormones that we are missing. I'm not excited to have that option...I'm tickled because I now understand why I struggle with how much I eat. I knwo I'm not crazy. And I know that no matter how many times someone tells me to 'listen to my body' I don't have to feel inferior and sit at home fretting because I can't 'hear' my body.
So today I really listened to my body. I woke up at 6am and I was putzing around the house. I was busy and occupied......I thought about food. I knew what I was going to have for breakfast...but I listened to how my body felt. NOTHING. I finally ate at 9am simply because I know that I need to eat to remain healthy. How did I feel after I ate....the same as before I ate. Todd and I went to town and did a few errends. We got home at about 12:30. I had listened to my body the whole time in town. Was I hungry...did I feel any differently...nope. I ate lunch (making sure it was balanced with everything to make it a healthy meal). I stopped eating simply because my 'alloted food' was already eaten! How did I feel aferwards.....the same. No difference in how I felt. Todd and I hiked up Maryland Heights to the overlook. It was a stenuous hike up the side of a mountain....from the bottom to the top. And then back down. When it was over did I feel hungry or any differently? No. We took a drive and went out to dinner. Was I hungry? NO. HOw did I feel after I ate my dinner...which I ate because I knew I had to eat to remain healthy...and because I like the food at that restaurant)....NO DIFFERENT!
It is a relief! Todd was sitting there talking about how full he was.....and I had no feelings like that. In the past, I've always wanted to cry when this happens because it makes me feel like a glutton. But tonight it made sense.
One other thing that makes sense....I've lost a considerable amount of weight.....and I came to the conclusion a few weeks ago that I did it because I simply ate my alloted points and then stopped. So it is possible to succeed even with this issue. It also makes sense why I hated core and why I gained on the core plan. ANY food...even the healthy ones can turn into bad ones when you can't stop....and since I was looking for that 'full' feeling....because on core you can eat until your full/satisfied....I was looking for something that I was never going to feel.
As for my satisfaction with eating. It is not in how I 'feel'....it's in my happiness with the taste of the foods that I just ate. When I leave a restaurant and I'm satisfied....it's because I enjoyed the food. When I say I'm satisfied, I'm satisfied with the experience.
I think just knowing this, will help me because I now will not waste my time on waiting for that full/satisfied feeling. I know I just need to eat what is a healthy amount (based on my points) and stop there. THAT is what will work. Simply feeding myself what I should be eating and not going over that.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Mental journey
This weight loss thing right now is becoming soley a mental journey. I can say its mind over matter as many times as I want...or as long as want...as loud as I want. But until I figure out what's going on in my mind...this weight is not goign to budge.
Why am I struggling so much. I plan what I'm going to do for eating.....and yet I do the exact opposite. I had someone tell me "just don't have bad stuff in your house" Well, I don't have bad stuff in my house....per say, yet I have flour sugar and all the ingredients to make bad stuff. Even if I resist that, even the healthier stuff....if you eat it like it's the last time you'll ever have it.....in other words like a pig, then even the healthy stuff becomes unhealthy.
Why do I have such plans and motivation...but my willpower just can't get going? What is missing in this motivation/willpower connection. I've been pondering and have set aside some time today to really think about this deeply.
Am I afraid to lose weight? I'd have to say probably not. I have already surpassed any expectations that I had. I'm thinner now than I have ever been a an adult....so I've already passed that mark into unchartered territory....aka scary territory. I'll admit I cried.....not only tears of joy...but also some of fear. It's more exciting to me as I can shop and move. I know that my self confidence has soared and is still positively increasing. I'm tickled with it. I'm tickled with the changes, that I can go into any store and buy something. I'm still getting used to it in my mind....I dont' feel like I belong in those stores. But regardless, I'm tickled with the change. So I don't think that I'm afraid of losing weight.
Being honest with myself....do I enjoy the attention that losing weight has gotten me? Am I afraid that if I reach my goal I will no longer garnish that attention? The difference in my body is night and day different...and I get huge compliments and lots of attention becuase of it....am I secretly really eating up that attention and subconcioully trying to delay myself from getting to my goal in order to continue on with it? This one is not an easy one to admit...but this could be it? How though....if I continue to lose weight and get to my goal, I'll still be there...and it will still be obvious......my word...I dont' want it to be this reason!!!!!
Am I afraid of my husbands reaction to my 'new body'. I know that Todd loved me when I was big and I know he loves me now that I"m thinner. Am I afraid that if I lose more weight that I'll not be attractive to him. Obviously he has no problem being attracted to a big girl....but what about a thin girl? I honestly don't think there is a problem because while he is always very careful about his compliments....he seems very happy with the new me. He's very careful becuase when he does comment on my 'new body' he says that he doesn't want me to feel that he only loves me this way.....he loves/ed me both ways. In fact, he's looked at old pictures of me...some of my 'fat pictures' and shudders at how I looked in comparison to now. So I know he is happy with my changes....and he is more worried right now that I'm falling off the wagon and that i'll gain it back..........ohhhh could I be worried, weirdly enough that he wouldn't love me if I gained it back???? HMmmmmmm
I just don't know. I do know that right now I'm not fighting a battle with cravings or desires or anything like that...I'm fighting a full out mental battle and I have no idea how to attack.
Enough on the weight. Last night Todd and I ate the seven layer salad that I had prepared on Sunday evening. It was good. Todd was quiet about it so I wasn't sure what he was thinking. BUT this morning he was like, "is there anymore of that "seven stuff' that we had for dinner. When I said yes, he was like "Good, I'll have some for lunch today" So I guess that means that he liked it! After dinner I cleaned up and made and put together a perogi casserole for dinner tonight. Now that's a good meal! Todd will put it in the oven and have it piping hot for when I get home at 8PM. I'll probably throw peas or some such vegetable in a pan to have with it...and probably quickly slice some strawberries and put ff cool whip over the top to finish off the meal. And what a good meal that will make!
I love to bake...so last week (was it Friday or Saturday) I decided to make biscotti for Todd. He loves biscotti.....I don't particularly care for it so I thought it would be a grand thing to make...something that I don't particularly like. (I usually don't like it because it's way too dry...I like moist and chewy things). Well..unfortunately, I found that I do like the biscotti uncooked dough...and the biscotti between it's two bakings...I like that.....uhh yeah, and apparently I do like homemade biscotti! DRAT.
So last night I decided to try again. I found a recipe for Blue Cheese muffins. I had found blue cheese on sale...and i had a coupon so i got a great deal...and thereby just happened to have some in the fridge..perfect! PLUS, I hate blue cheese...so there would be no tempation for me to eat any right? I made them. They smelled pretty good while they were in the oven. Immediately after coming out they smelled good...so I had one. Yep, I still hate bluecheese. But I gobbled that whole muffin...down the hatch it went. Then I went and played on the xbox some....I was laying there and this smell started to just waft through the house.......it took me a while to truely identify the smell.....it was those muffins....the whole house stank to beat the band! It was terrible!!!! I had to pitch them out...and even take out the garbage bag that they are in. Todd came home during this drama and he was like......EWWW this house reeks! Oh well......we win some, we lose some!
Tomorrow, if the weather is nice, we may go down across the river from Harpers Ferry and hike up Maryland Heights. It will be an uphill climb....which may be rough on my knees...but I want to try it. We are also going to go to lowes and get a mower, a wood chipper and hopefully the stuff to build a shed for our garden stuff and some storage! Exciting stuff eh? If the weather doesn't co-operate, then we will probably end up going to the gym instead of the hike....which in reality makes more sense because Lowes and Harpers Ferry are in two opposite directions from where we live! If we end up going to the gym....we'll get home earlier than if we end up going down to do the Maryland Heights hike....I want to pick up the paint for the outside (I'm going to paint the outside white...and have green trim) and for my screened in porch....which I'm also going to paint white. If we go to the gym, I'll probably get home earlier....so I'm thinking that I'll start painting the porch. My reasoning...the stuff we are ordering from Lowes...goign to have it delivered.....we are also ordering indoor outdoor carpet for our screened in porch! I can't wait to get my round outdoor glass topped table on that porch......especially since spring is just around the corner! PLUS I WANT MY GRILL brought over. Todd and i have typically always used our grill heavily..but it's still at the other place...and with it getting warmer I'm getting antsy for it! But that's just moving it.....I want to get that back enclosed porch done!
Why am I struggling so much. I plan what I'm going to do for eating.....and yet I do the exact opposite. I had someone tell me "just don't have bad stuff in your house" Well, I don't have bad stuff in my house....per say, yet I have flour sugar and all the ingredients to make bad stuff. Even if I resist that, even the healthier stuff....if you eat it like it's the last time you'll ever have it.....in other words like a pig, then even the healthy stuff becomes unhealthy.
Why do I have such plans and motivation...but my willpower just can't get going? What is missing in this motivation/willpower connection. I've been pondering and have set aside some time today to really think about this deeply.
Am I afraid to lose weight? I'd have to say probably not. I have already surpassed any expectations that I had. I'm thinner now than I have ever been a an adult....so I've already passed that mark into unchartered territory....aka scary territory. I'll admit I cried.....not only tears of joy...but also some of fear. It's more exciting to me as I can shop and move. I know that my self confidence has soared and is still positively increasing. I'm tickled with it. I'm tickled with the changes, that I can go into any store and buy something. I'm still getting used to it in my mind....I dont' feel like I belong in those stores. But regardless, I'm tickled with the change. So I don't think that I'm afraid of losing weight.
Being honest with myself....do I enjoy the attention that losing weight has gotten me? Am I afraid that if I reach my goal I will no longer garnish that attention? The difference in my body is night and day different...and I get huge compliments and lots of attention becuase of it....am I secretly really eating up that attention and subconcioully trying to delay myself from getting to my goal in order to continue on with it? This one is not an easy one to admit...but this could be it? How though....if I continue to lose weight and get to my goal, I'll still be there...and it will still be obvious......my word...I dont' want it to be this reason!!!!!
Am I afraid of my husbands reaction to my 'new body'. I know that Todd loved me when I was big and I know he loves me now that I"m thinner. Am I afraid that if I lose more weight that I'll not be attractive to him. Obviously he has no problem being attracted to a big girl....but what about a thin girl? I honestly don't think there is a problem because while he is always very careful about his compliments....he seems very happy with the new me. He's very careful becuase when he does comment on my 'new body' he says that he doesn't want me to feel that he only loves me this way.....he loves/ed me both ways. In fact, he's looked at old pictures of me...some of my 'fat pictures' and shudders at how I looked in comparison to now. So I know he is happy with my changes....and he is more worried right now that I'm falling off the wagon and that i'll gain it back..........ohhhh could I be worried, weirdly enough that he wouldn't love me if I gained it back???? HMmmmmmm
I just don't know. I do know that right now I'm not fighting a battle with cravings or desires or anything like that...I'm fighting a full out mental battle and I have no idea how to attack.
Enough on the weight. Last night Todd and I ate the seven layer salad that I had prepared on Sunday evening. It was good. Todd was quiet about it so I wasn't sure what he was thinking. BUT this morning he was like, "is there anymore of that "seven stuff' that we had for dinner. When I said yes, he was like "Good, I'll have some for lunch today" So I guess that means that he liked it! After dinner I cleaned up and made and put together a perogi casserole for dinner tonight. Now that's a good meal! Todd will put it in the oven and have it piping hot for when I get home at 8PM. I'll probably throw peas or some such vegetable in a pan to have with it...and probably quickly slice some strawberries and put ff cool whip over the top to finish off the meal. And what a good meal that will make!
I love to bake...so last week (was it Friday or Saturday) I decided to make biscotti for Todd. He loves biscotti.....I don't particularly care for it so I thought it would be a grand thing to make...something that I don't particularly like. (I usually don't like it because it's way too dry...I like moist and chewy things). Well..unfortunately, I found that I do like the biscotti uncooked dough...and the biscotti between it's two bakings...I like that.....uhh yeah, and apparently I do like homemade biscotti! DRAT.
So last night I decided to try again. I found a recipe for Blue Cheese muffins. I had found blue cheese on sale...and i had a coupon so i got a great deal...and thereby just happened to have some in the fridge..perfect! PLUS, I hate blue cheese...so there would be no tempation for me to eat any right? I made them. They smelled pretty good while they were in the oven. Immediately after coming out they smelled good...so I had one. Yep, I still hate bluecheese. But I gobbled that whole muffin...down the hatch it went. Then I went and played on the xbox some....I was laying there and this smell started to just waft through the house.......it took me a while to truely identify the smell.....it was those muffins....the whole house stank to beat the band! It was terrible!!!! I had to pitch them out...and even take out the garbage bag that they are in. Todd came home during this drama and he was like......EWWW this house reeks! Oh well......we win some, we lose some!
Tomorrow, if the weather is nice, we may go down across the river from Harpers Ferry and hike up Maryland Heights. It will be an uphill climb....which may be rough on my knees...but I want to try it. We are also going to go to lowes and get a mower, a wood chipper and hopefully the stuff to build a shed for our garden stuff and some storage! Exciting stuff eh? If the weather doesn't co-operate, then we will probably end up going to the gym instead of the hike....which in reality makes more sense because Lowes and Harpers Ferry are in two opposite directions from where we live! If we end up going to the gym....we'll get home earlier than if we end up going down to do the Maryland Heights hike....I want to pick up the paint for the outside (I'm going to paint the outside white...and have green trim) and for my screened in porch....which I'm also going to paint white. If we go to the gym, I'll probably get home earlier....so I'm thinking that I'll start painting the porch. My reasoning...the stuff we are ordering from Lowes...goign to have it delivered.....we are also ordering indoor outdoor carpet for our screened in porch! I can't wait to get my round outdoor glass topped table on that porch......especially since spring is just around the corner! PLUS I WANT MY GRILL brought over. Todd and i have typically always used our grill heavily..but it's still at the other place...and with it getting warmer I'm getting antsy for it! But that's just moving it.....I want to get that back enclosed porch done!
Monday, March 24, 2008
Famous Mommy
Mommy's famous! OK, maybe not famous, but she did make the paper! Here is a copy of the article.
March 23, 2008
She makes City Farmers Market sweeter
Baked goods made with imagination
By TIFFANY ARNOLD
Fran Clingan makes homemade goodies to sell at Hagerstown City Farmers Market. This "lamb cake" encrusted with fresh coconut is an example of some of the homemade goodies Fran Clingan sells at Hagerstown City Farmers Market. This time, Fran "Snooky" Clingan transformed what could have been a two-layer coconut cake into a "lamb."
Weeks ago, she created a "groundhog" cake, a Bundt cake made to look as though it were snow covered, with crumbled Oreo cookies - the "dirt" - dusted at the center and a sign that read, "Looking for my shadow." There's a lot you can do with a good cake mold and a passion for baking. Clingan, 60, of Hagerstown, has lots of both. "I've always liked to cook," Clingan said.
The Herald-Mail met with Clingan at her North End home, where "lamb cake" rested on her kitchen counter, with cookie bouquets - iced sugar cookies on sticks - and homemade marshmallows nearby. Her many, many cake molds (including one shaped like a series of trains) were stored away in a cabinet. The "lamb cake" is adapted from another of her recipes, Snooky's fresh coconut cake, for which she uses freshly grated coconut. Since December, Clingan has been selling her baked goods at the Hagerstown City Farmers Market, where she is known as the "cookie lady." But it is not the first time Clingan's cooking has been available for public consumption. Clingan's mother, the late Dottie Thompson, owned the View Street Diner, a mom-and-pop restaurant that was open more than 30 years. The restaurant closed in 2000. Clingan said she was the restaurant's cook during the last five or six years it was open.
"If you've been in Hagerstown long enough, you've eaten at View Street," Clingan said.
Thompson, who died in 2004, told The Herald-Mail in 2000 that had it not been for Clingan and her daughter-in-law, she would not have been able to stay open as long as she did.
Clingan has been feeling the pressure to reopen the diner, but has not yet made up her mind. She considers selling her goods at the City Market a "baby step."
Diner or no diner, Clingan won't be hanging up the oven mitts anytime soon.
Talking with Fran Clingan
Clingan talks a little more about her love for cooking:
Q: If you had a chef at your beck and call, someone who would make up the dessert of your dreams, what would you request?
A: I like fancy things. If I had my way, I'd have chocolate mousse with white chocolate stripes. If I had a chef, I would want something I wouldn't make myself.
Q: Is there any baked good you absolutely would not eat?
A: No, not really.
Q: What are some things your family members request often?
A: My son likes chocolate delight - it has pudding in it. My daughter and I, we like most baked goods.
Q: What sorts of things do you make for dinner?
A: If I'm cooking for my husband, it's hamburger, hamburger, hamburger. Potatoes, potatoes, potatoes.
Q: So back to the chef scenario, if that chef were there to prepare you dinner, what would you request?
A: I probably wouldn't like that because I like to cook. Having this table down at the market allows me to fix so many things - each week it's something different.
http://www.herald-mail.com/?cmd=displaystory&story_id=189050&format=html
There is a recipe for the cake and also pictures....pretty cool eh? :-)
I've been a busy beaver. Mom and dad came down for Easter dinner. So Sunday I putzed around the kitchen all day. I not only did the cooking for Easter dinner, but I also made a seven layer salad to have with dinner for tonight (monday). Then tonight, I made dinner...we had the seven layer salad, almond orange chicken (yum yum) and the rest of the baked butter beans from last nights dinner. I had strawberries with a fruit dip/topping drizzled over the top. (heavenly). After dinner, I cleaned up the kitchen and then immediately messed it up when I put together perogi casserole for tomorrow nights dinner (I had to make mashed potatoes..and i don't use instant, cook noodles, saute onions...so I dirtied a lot more pans.) Now I'm done, the kitchen is once again clean and I'm just sitting here relaxing.
The problem...I've been eating like a pig today. I can't seem to get enough food to feel full....er satisfied! What's up with that??????? Oh if I can just stay out of the kitchen....which is literally feet away....in full view!
March 23, 2008
She makes City Farmers Market sweeter
Baked goods made with imagination
By TIFFANY ARNOLD
Fran Clingan makes homemade goodies to sell at Hagerstown City Farmers Market. This "lamb cake" encrusted with fresh coconut is an example of some of the homemade goodies Fran Clingan sells at Hagerstown City Farmers Market. This time, Fran "Snooky" Clingan transformed what could have been a two-layer coconut cake into a "lamb."
Weeks ago, she created a "groundhog" cake, a Bundt cake made to look as though it were snow covered, with crumbled Oreo cookies - the "dirt" - dusted at the center and a sign that read, "Looking for my shadow." There's a lot you can do with a good cake mold and a passion for baking. Clingan, 60, of Hagerstown, has lots of both. "I've always liked to cook," Clingan said.
The Herald-Mail met with Clingan at her North End home, where "lamb cake" rested on her kitchen counter, with cookie bouquets - iced sugar cookies on sticks - and homemade marshmallows nearby. Her many, many cake molds (including one shaped like a series of trains) were stored away in a cabinet. The "lamb cake" is adapted from another of her recipes, Snooky's fresh coconut cake, for which she uses freshly grated coconut. Since December, Clingan has been selling her baked goods at the Hagerstown City Farmers Market, where she is known as the "cookie lady." But it is not the first time Clingan's cooking has been available for public consumption. Clingan's mother, the late Dottie Thompson, owned the View Street Diner, a mom-and-pop restaurant that was open more than 30 years. The restaurant closed in 2000. Clingan said she was the restaurant's cook during the last five or six years it was open.
"If you've been in Hagerstown long enough, you've eaten at View Street," Clingan said.
Thompson, who died in 2004, told The Herald-Mail in 2000 that had it not been for Clingan and her daughter-in-law, she would not have been able to stay open as long as she did.
Clingan has been feeling the pressure to reopen the diner, but has not yet made up her mind. She considers selling her goods at the City Market a "baby step."
Diner or no diner, Clingan won't be hanging up the oven mitts anytime soon.
Talking with Fran Clingan
Clingan talks a little more about her love for cooking:
Q: If you had a chef at your beck and call, someone who would make up the dessert of your dreams, what would you request?
A: I like fancy things. If I had my way, I'd have chocolate mousse with white chocolate stripes. If I had a chef, I would want something I wouldn't make myself.
Q: Is there any baked good you absolutely would not eat?
A: No, not really.
Q: What are some things your family members request often?
A: My son likes chocolate delight - it has pudding in it. My daughter and I, we like most baked goods.
Q: What sorts of things do you make for dinner?
A: If I'm cooking for my husband, it's hamburger, hamburger, hamburger. Potatoes, potatoes, potatoes.
Q: So back to the chef scenario, if that chef were there to prepare you dinner, what would you request?
A: I probably wouldn't like that because I like to cook. Having this table down at the market allows me to fix so many things - each week it's something different.
http://www.herald-mail.com/?cmd=displaystory&story_id=189050&format=html
There is a recipe for the cake and also pictures....pretty cool eh? :-)
I've been a busy beaver. Mom and dad came down for Easter dinner. So Sunday I putzed around the kitchen all day. I not only did the cooking for Easter dinner, but I also made a seven layer salad to have with dinner for tonight (monday). Then tonight, I made dinner...we had the seven layer salad, almond orange chicken (yum yum) and the rest of the baked butter beans from last nights dinner. I had strawberries with a fruit dip/topping drizzled over the top. (heavenly). After dinner, I cleaned up the kitchen and then immediately messed it up when I put together perogi casserole for tomorrow nights dinner (I had to make mashed potatoes..and i don't use instant, cook noodles, saute onions...so I dirtied a lot more pans.) Now I'm done, the kitchen is once again clean and I'm just sitting here relaxing.
The problem...I've been eating like a pig today. I can't seem to get enough food to feel full....er satisfied! What's up with that??????? Oh if I can just stay out of the kitchen....which is literally feet away....in full view!
Friday, March 21, 2008
Two down!
How many days does it take for us to do something before it becomes a habit? Well, I'm two days down. I got up and TOdd and I went for a walk. About 40 minutes....2 miles. And then I came home and rode the exercise bike for a half hour. My legs were sore!
Meanwhile, I've done ok eating wise. However, yesterday I made a treat for Todd. I made him some homemade biscotti. I thought it was a grand idea. I would get to bake, which I truely love to do...and since I"m not a big fan of biscotti, I wouldn't be tempted. Well I found out that I don't like store bought biscotti...but homemade biscotti is pretty good. DARN. I ate some tonight. I actually did have some points left (3) and that is without counting any of my activity points that I earned today. So I'll probably be ok....but still...I would have been better without it!
I'm a little stressed at work. We are getting a new manager...and she had come over and chit chatted with made the comment that since our office is running pretty smoothly that she wasn't going to make any changes...nothing major....it would continue on. We all breathed a sigh of relief. Well today we find out that the head of all branches was sitting with her and helping her do up a 'new' schedule for our office. GREAT. I just turned down a full time position because I needed certain times off. Ok, not even certain times...but a regulated day off throughout the week! If something changes and it doesn't work out, I know that will be GOd telling me to get off my butt and get a job elsewhere.....but I really do honestly like my job. That is such a unique thing for me....so I hate to even think about leaving.
I got home from work and spent some time working on my grocery list. I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow. I washed the dishes that had accumalated since I had done the dishes (at lunch).....gotta love it...I leave the house after lunch and all the dishes are clean...I come home and the sink is full again. OH well....ANYWAY, I then just hung out tonight. Todd worked until just a bit ago....so I played a little XBox 360 and then I read. I've got to put the dishes that I washed away...but other than that...nothing else tonight.
Meanwhile, I've done ok eating wise. However, yesterday I made a treat for Todd. I made him some homemade biscotti. I thought it was a grand idea. I would get to bake, which I truely love to do...and since I"m not a big fan of biscotti, I wouldn't be tempted. Well I found out that I don't like store bought biscotti...but homemade biscotti is pretty good. DARN. I ate some tonight. I actually did have some points left (3) and that is without counting any of my activity points that I earned today. So I'll probably be ok....but still...I would have been better without it!
I'm a little stressed at work. We are getting a new manager...and she had come over and chit chatted with made the comment that since our office is running pretty smoothly that she wasn't going to make any changes...nothing major....it would continue on. We all breathed a sigh of relief. Well today we find out that the head of all branches was sitting with her and helping her do up a 'new' schedule for our office. GREAT. I just turned down a full time position because I needed certain times off. Ok, not even certain times...but a regulated day off throughout the week! If something changes and it doesn't work out, I know that will be GOd telling me to get off my butt and get a job elsewhere.....but I really do honestly like my job. That is such a unique thing for me....so I hate to even think about leaving.
I got home from work and spent some time working on my grocery list. I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow. I washed the dishes that had accumalated since I had done the dishes (at lunch).....gotta love it...I leave the house after lunch and all the dishes are clean...I come home and the sink is full again. OH well....ANYWAY, I then just hung out tonight. Todd worked until just a bit ago....so I played a little XBox 360 and then I read. I've got to put the dishes that I washed away...but other than that...nothing else tonight.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Goal Dress
Back when I was still weighing somewhere in the upper 200's and wearing size 24 in my clothing I was out shopping. I had just decided to get serious and lose this weight. Therefore when I stumbled upon a dress that was on and sale and marked down so many times that the end result was that the dress cost $2. It wasn't anything fancy, but I bought it as a motivational/goal dress. It was a size 12 (as a side note, I also bought a different dress in size 10...also for two dollars). When I bought it I seriously doubted that I would EVER get down to a size 12. I was actually shooting to be a size 16....but heck, for $2 I couldn't pass it up. Well, just recently I tried on that size 12 goal dress. IT FIT! Here is a picture of me wearing that goal dress. :-)
One day down!
I know that getting started into a routine is actually one of the most difficult things. You can plan it easily. And once started it is easier to continue on...but getting started. Each week I'm saying to myself.....this week I'm goign to start the exercise. Yesterday we planned to go to the gym...but then life got in the way. So we said, Thursday morning...we are going.......
I DID make it to the gym this morning. Oh my word...it's amazing how out of shap one can become in just a short (relatively speaking) amount of time! I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and then moved to the treadmill where I did 40 minutes of a fast walk alternated with shorts spurts of jogging. After the elliptical my legs were like jelly...they were literally shaking! After the treadmill I was like, "what legs?" tee hee hee Hopefully this will kickstart my exercise program again!
Meanwhile, on my home scales, my weight was at 187 on Tuesday morning. Wednesday morning i weighed in at 186.0 . This morning i weighed in at 185.6. So i can see the weight dropping. SIMPLY from eating healthy! Hopefully tomorrow will be good also...especially since I added back in the exercise! That spurt of fear when I saw 187 may be what i needed!
I'm so close...I've just GOT to keep plugging along. I've heard lots of people over the years say that the last pounds are sometimes the hardest......I think I just need to get over this 180 hump and solidly into the 170's......it's like some hurdle that i just can't seem to leap over!
I DID make it to the gym this morning. Oh my word...it's amazing how out of shap one can become in just a short (relatively speaking) amount of time! I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and then moved to the treadmill where I did 40 minutes of a fast walk alternated with shorts spurts of jogging. After the elliptical my legs were like jelly...they were literally shaking! After the treadmill I was like, "what legs?" tee hee hee Hopefully this will kickstart my exercise program again!
Meanwhile, on my home scales, my weight was at 187 on Tuesday morning. Wednesday morning i weighed in at 186.0 . This morning i weighed in at 185.6. So i can see the weight dropping. SIMPLY from eating healthy! Hopefully tomorrow will be good also...especially since I added back in the exercise! That spurt of fear when I saw 187 may be what i needed!
I'm so close...I've just GOT to keep plugging along. I've heard lots of people over the years say that the last pounds are sometimes the hardest......I think I just need to get over this 180 hump and solidly into the 170's......it's like some hurdle that i just can't seem to leap over!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
One more skipped
Yes, I skipped my weight watchers meeting tonight. IT was.....uhhhhh...raining. That's why! Seriously, I KNOW that I gained big time this past week. I'm talking about 5 pounds of gainage! That is so uncool. I find myself once again at 187 pounds. NOT COOL! This past week is totally me. I did it to myself. I can place the blame nowhere but squarely on my shoulders. THe only thing...it's made me look back some at the last few months. My standard MO seems to be that I lose and get to the low 180's....and then hit a brick wall. I work at it for a few weeks or so and get frustrated...so i have a crazy eating week and gain back to the mid to upper 180's......and then start again...lose until I"m in the lower 180's (or even high 170's) and then hit that brick wall again. Knowing this...I've got to perservere through that period and break through that wall.
The other thing I've been thinking about....am I subconciously sabataging myself in this weight loss thing. I'm so close.....relatively speaking! And all of a sudden I'm stalled dead in the water. Being this close I should be so super motivated to finish this off....but I'm not....I lay really good plans...and then don't follow through. My willpower...well, my lack of willpower is what needs to be discussed!
Speaking of plans. I had the most wonderful idea for dinner tonight. I was making pizza. So I decided to put the toppings tha Todd likes on 3/4 of the pizza. I hate those toppings and won't touch a piece of pizza that has those toppings cluttering it up and messing up the taste (mushrooms and green peppers). Todd would then have leftovers for lunch on some upcoming day...and I wouldn't eat more than what I shoudl have. I had this plan set.......did I do it???? NO, when the time came, I made it 1/2 and 1/2.....and I ate my half! ARRGGHHHH WHY? Why do I do this. WHen I think about it, I think that I did it because "I love pizza" and I want to have as much as I can. I need to keep reminding myself that if I learn to control my intake, I can have pizza a heck of a lot more than I do now.....I can't have it a lot now because I have no control over my portion size...or intake!
So, you may be wondering how I was able to gain 5 pounds in a week. Well....last Wednesday I didn't do too badly, a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. The problems began on Thursday with the baking of a cake int he morning (and the batter.....big temptation for me)....and the decorating of the cake in the evening (icing.....big temptation). On Friday at work I had a piece of said cake and also participated in the potluck. Friday evening it was cookie making (from 6PM until about 10PM....ahh yummy cookie dough). Saturday was cookie day. Sunday...well....Sunday was sample day at Sam's Club and mudslides in the evening. Monday.....a co-worker brought taco dip into work....super yummy and another one brought in a lime cake (surprisingly tasty). Oh yes, and I treated my husband by making a raspberry cobbler for dinner. Tuesday...I was able to resist all the tempation at work (leftovers) but that last piece of cobbler reached out and grabbed me! I HAVE to stop this trend. I'm noticing that once I start with the sweet things, that stopping the 'habit' or trend or whatever I want to call it is just really difficult!
Watched The Biggest Loser tonight. These people are doing it.....and Ali did it at home for quite a while...I can do this also!
I'm pushing to go to the gym tomorrow! That would help kick start my workouts! I've been so lax on those also! Yes, I've literally fallen apart!
Meanwhile, I hadn't been reading peoples blogs online...and one in particular I had stopped reading because there were no new entries. Well, I decided to clean out my 'fav's and checked hers to make sure that it truely was a dead blog. Well, she had posted a message giving the information for her new blog site. Well..this lady had originally been 300 some pounds...and lost quite a bit of weight...had been down below 200. I haven't checked out her blog for MONTHS......and like I said I just found her. I about fell off my chair when I opened up the blog....she's gained it all back...or almost all. She is hovering right at 300 pounds. How easilly and quickly she gained it back (we are talking 6 months.....100 pounds!) That scares me! Will that happen to me?
NOw that I've spouted my doom and gloom and bad stuff I'm going to go surf the net. It's 11:30...and I"m wide awake. I tried to go to bed and sleep after The BIggest Loser...and it just wasn't happening. TOdd has suffered from some insomnia lately...he's snoring away tonight and here I am...wide awake! ANd really thirsty for some reason. Ususally when I go to bed I don't need anything to drink. Not tonight.....I've had about 3 glasses of water since 9PM...weird! Which means when I do fall asleep...I'll be up every hour thereafter in the bathroom! Joy Joy!
The other thing I've been thinking about....am I subconciously sabataging myself in this weight loss thing. I'm so close.....relatively speaking! And all of a sudden I'm stalled dead in the water. Being this close I should be so super motivated to finish this off....but I'm not....I lay really good plans...and then don't follow through. My willpower...well, my lack of willpower is what needs to be discussed!
Speaking of plans. I had the most wonderful idea for dinner tonight. I was making pizza. So I decided to put the toppings tha Todd likes on 3/4 of the pizza. I hate those toppings and won't touch a piece of pizza that has those toppings cluttering it up and messing up the taste (mushrooms and green peppers). Todd would then have leftovers for lunch on some upcoming day...and I wouldn't eat more than what I shoudl have. I had this plan set.......did I do it???? NO, when the time came, I made it 1/2 and 1/2.....and I ate my half! ARRGGHHHH WHY? Why do I do this. WHen I think about it, I think that I did it because "I love pizza" and I want to have as much as I can. I need to keep reminding myself that if I learn to control my intake, I can have pizza a heck of a lot more than I do now.....I can't have it a lot now because I have no control over my portion size...or intake!
So, you may be wondering how I was able to gain 5 pounds in a week. Well....last Wednesday I didn't do too badly, a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. The problems began on Thursday with the baking of a cake int he morning (and the batter.....big temptation for me)....and the decorating of the cake in the evening (icing.....big temptation). On Friday at work I had a piece of said cake and also participated in the potluck. Friday evening it was cookie making (from 6PM until about 10PM....ahh yummy cookie dough). Saturday was cookie day. Sunday...well....Sunday was sample day at Sam's Club and mudslides in the evening. Monday.....a co-worker brought taco dip into work....super yummy and another one brought in a lime cake (surprisingly tasty). Oh yes, and I treated my husband by making a raspberry cobbler for dinner. Tuesday...I was able to resist all the tempation at work (leftovers) but that last piece of cobbler reached out and grabbed me! I HAVE to stop this trend. I'm noticing that once I start with the sweet things, that stopping the 'habit' or trend or whatever I want to call it is just really difficult!
Watched The Biggest Loser tonight. These people are doing it.....and Ali did it at home for quite a while...I can do this also!
I'm pushing to go to the gym tomorrow! That would help kick start my workouts! I've been so lax on those also! Yes, I've literally fallen apart!
Meanwhile, I hadn't been reading peoples blogs online...and one in particular I had stopped reading because there were no new entries. Well, I decided to clean out my 'fav's and checked hers to make sure that it truely was a dead blog. Well, she had posted a message giving the information for her new blog site. Well..this lady had originally been 300 some pounds...and lost quite a bit of weight...had been down below 200. I haven't checked out her blog for MONTHS......and like I said I just found her. I about fell off my chair when I opened up the blog....she's gained it all back...or almost all. She is hovering right at 300 pounds. How easilly and quickly she gained it back (we are talking 6 months.....100 pounds!) That scares me! Will that happen to me?
NOw that I've spouted my doom and gloom and bad stuff I'm going to go surf the net. It's 11:30...and I"m wide awake. I tried to go to bed and sleep after The BIggest Loser...and it just wasn't happening. TOdd has suffered from some insomnia lately...he's snoring away tonight and here I am...wide awake! ANd really thirsty for some reason. Ususally when I go to bed I don't need anything to drink. Not tonight.....I've had about 3 glasses of water since 9PM...weird! Which means when I do fall asleep...I'll be up every hour thereafter in the bathroom! Joy Joy!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
WIMPY
Yep, I was way to wimpy to get on the scales to face the music today. Isn't that sad????? Where has my will power gone. Yep,....I've had two cookies here at work today! Slap my hands!
Meanwhile, I am at work...and looking foward to noon when I can go home. I have no big plans for my afternoon. Todd is working on a community service project and will probably be gone all day. I have plans for dinner...but we may ditch those plans and end up eating out tonight. An old friend that is home on a furlough from the mission field...the Philllipines.... is going to be at mom and dad's tonight with her new baby (ok...new as in born Christmas Eve). So it would be cool to see her. However, if it doesn't work out with Todd's schedule...no biggie. I'm literally just planning on going home...changing into my 'skivies' (my skivies are my flannel pants and old sweatshirt from my fat days...and boy are those big baggie sweatshirts comfy!!!) and hanging out. I may read a bit...I may play some online Call of Duty 4. Who knows. I'm goign to try to ignore the things that need to be done and take an afternoon for myself. I'm not going to make the bed! I'm not going to do the dishes! I'm just going to relax! I can do my grocery list tomorrow morning right? Or later tonight right? Better yet, maybe I can plan my menu here at work and think about what we want to eat now....so then when I go home all I would have to do is figure out what I need to buy! What a splendid idea....think I'll do it......probably not! :-) And in fact, do you think I'll be able to ignore the unmade bed (yes, for those of you who know me...I've been actually making my bed most every day.....new house and all that......BREATHE...I know you'll find this shocking! and the pile of dishes in the sink? Probably not..but I'm going to try....and at the very least hopefully only spend a minimal time doing that stuff.
Speaking of dishes......arrgghhhhhh my dishwasher hook up is not compatable with my new faucet...so I'm still washing dishes by hand!
Next week should be an interesting one. I'm working a more 'normal' persons work week. I'll be working a lot of days 7:45 until 4. That's all fine and dandy until I realized that Todd works most evenigns.....meaning I won't see much of him....and having dinners together will be touchy. Maybe I should do chili as one of the meals...because that is an easy one that I can make but is just as tasty when I make it versus a few hours of simmering later. hmmmmmmm Wooo hoooo.....one meal planned. :-)
Meanwhile, I am at work...and looking foward to noon when I can go home. I have no big plans for my afternoon. Todd is working on a community service project and will probably be gone all day. I have plans for dinner...but we may ditch those plans and end up eating out tonight. An old friend that is home on a furlough from the mission field...the Philllipines.... is going to be at mom and dad's tonight with her new baby (ok...new as in born Christmas Eve). So it would be cool to see her. However, if it doesn't work out with Todd's schedule...no biggie. I'm literally just planning on going home...changing into my 'skivies' (my skivies are my flannel pants and old sweatshirt from my fat days...and boy are those big baggie sweatshirts comfy!!!) and hanging out. I may read a bit...I may play some online Call of Duty 4. Who knows. I'm goign to try to ignore the things that need to be done and take an afternoon for myself. I'm not going to make the bed! I'm not going to do the dishes! I'm just going to relax! I can do my grocery list tomorrow morning right? Or later tonight right? Better yet, maybe I can plan my menu here at work and think about what we want to eat now....so then when I go home all I would have to do is figure out what I need to buy! What a splendid idea....think I'll do it......probably not! :-) And in fact, do you think I'll be able to ignore the unmade bed (yes, for those of you who know me...I've been actually making my bed most every day.....new house and all that......BREATHE...I know you'll find this shocking! and the pile of dishes in the sink? Probably not..but I'm going to try....and at the very least hopefully only spend a minimal time doing that stuff.
Speaking of dishes......arrgghhhhhh my dishwasher hook up is not compatable with my new faucet...so I'm still washing dishes by hand!
Next week should be an interesting one. I'm working a more 'normal' persons work week. I'll be working a lot of days 7:45 until 4. That's all fine and dandy until I realized that Todd works most evenigns.....meaning I won't see much of him....and having dinners together will be touchy. Maybe I should do chili as one of the meals...because that is an easy one that I can make but is just as tasty when I make it versus a few hours of simmering later. hmmmmmmm Wooo hoooo.....one meal planned. :-)
Friday, March 14, 2008
cakes, cookies and yummy things
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Above is two pictures of a doll cake that I made for my manager for her going away/baby shower party. Let me tell you...I know I'm not losing any weight this week.....what with making a cake yesterday morning (yeah yeah yeah, I had some cake batter to taste)....decorating that same said cake last night....(yeah yeah yeah, I throughoughly enjoyed tasting and nibbling on icing last night). And tonight I'm making cookies for a community service project that my husband is involved in tomorrow. (yeah yeah yeah...I've nibbled on not only the cookie dough for each type of cookie I've made...but I've sampled each type of cookie!) Eii yiii yiii
Today was super stressful at work. The computers were not working...yet we must continue to do the job...just without computers....and in a bank, that gets nerve-racking...especially when it's time to balance. Thank heavens I balanced to the penny. So I just came home and ate to my little hearts content. Now I'm feeling icky! ARRGGHHH It is so not cool to return to old habits!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I'm thinking that I'm going to show a bit of a gain again this week at my meeting. DARN, DRAT, SHUCKS! Yes, I'm royally ticked off. HOWEVER, I know that I have done it to myself. While i haven't been eating very badly.....I just haven't been making the wisest choices. I KNOW that I can't eat my flex points...yet I ate a few...and there you have it......no loss.....probably no maintain...and most likely a gain.
Lets look at the bright side of things though. I've started journalling my food intake again. That is a huge thing. At least now I know where I am with my eating. For a month or so there I had no clue. So that is a huge step in the right direction.
The stress....it just seems as if my world is falling apart. I got my car back last week from the auto body shop after a deer ran out and messed up the side of my car (yep, I got hit by a deer!) And within a few nights my car was messed up again. Sideswiped while sitting parked safe and sound (or so I thought). We've made a few purchases...and they are broke/dead out of the box/missing parts. Which yeah, we can take back...but it's just annoying as all get out when it happens. The phones here at work are acting utterly crazy....it's just not cool.
Lets look at the bright side of things though. I've started journalling my food intake again. That is a huge thing. At least now I know where I am with my eating. For a month or so there I had no clue. So that is a huge step in the right direction.
The stress....it just seems as if my world is falling apart. I got my car back last week from the auto body shop after a deer ran out and messed up the side of my car (yep, I got hit by a deer!) And within a few nights my car was messed up again. Sideswiped while sitting parked safe and sound (or so I thought). We've made a few purchases...and they are broke/dead out of the box/missing parts. Which yeah, we can take back...but it's just annoying as all get out when it happens. The phones here at work are acting utterly crazy....it's just not cool.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Stress and old habits
Yes, old habits die hard. I'm still under some stress. Uhh yeah, my newly fixed car is once again damaged (it was sideswipped while safely parked...I wasn't even in it at the time). So what did I do...I went to the kitchen and made a fudge filled chocolate cake...and proceeded to eat half of it (over the next 24-36 hours). NOT cool! That is NOT the way to deal with stress, worry and upset. What made me do it? I'm not sure.....other than old habits. That's how I used to deal with stuff.
I haven't weighed myself the last few days. The ick arrived last Saturday (the eighth) and I know how that can skew my weight. SO I just ignored the scales. I'm proud to say though that I've managed to at least journal my food intake. SO at least I made a positive step in the right direction. I just need to make a BIGGER step!
I haven't weighed myself the last few days. The ick arrived last Saturday (the eighth) and I know how that can skew my weight. SO I just ignored the scales. I'm proud to say though that I've managed to at least journal my food intake. SO at least I made a positive step in the right direction. I just need to make a BIGGER step!
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Warm weather
I'm still on the edge of eating healthy. Not eating exactly as healthy as I could be...but not totally throwing healthy eating over the edge. OH well.
Today the weather was fabulous. I so wanted to get out and go for a jog. However, life is just to busy now. I brought a load of stuff from my corner cupboard over from the other place...and then I had to put that away. I worked outside a bit.....I made Todd and I lunch and I fixed the shepherds pie for dinner...it's in the frig all ready for to be baked. That makes it easier when i work until 6PM.
We are getting all settled into the new place. It feels like home....I will be so happy when everything is totally moved over...and what isn't being moved is organized and boxed for storage! What a relief that will be!!!!
Today the weather was fabulous. I so wanted to get out and go for a jog. However, life is just to busy now. I brought a load of stuff from my corner cupboard over from the other place...and then I had to put that away. I worked outside a bit.....I made Todd and I lunch and I fixed the shepherds pie for dinner...it's in the frig all ready for to be baked. That makes it easier when i work until 6PM.
We are getting all settled into the new place. It feels like home....I will be so happy when everything is totally moved over...and what isn't being moved is organized and boxed for storage! What a relief that will be!!!!
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
AHHH shucks!
Well, what a week! I didn't have a car for a week and a half as mine was at the autobody shop getting repaired after it's run in with a deer. We moved. Issues with my home scales, I worked. Life has just been busy!
The car. They did a superb job on the car. Unfortunately, they were a full week over the 'promised' date! I was chomping at the bit to get my car back. Normally it wouldn't have been that bad...BUT with us moving, Todd now has to drive to work. When we lived above the business it was nice when we only had one car because he didn't need a car every day. NOW, we both need cars to get to work. Well, we could ride our bikes...but it was dang cold...and dark when we get off work! So it was a pain in the buttocks. I bummed rides for a week and a half! But, I got it back yesterday evening!!!! I was so tickled!
Moving. Wow. The new place looks nice. Very homey and comfortable! I'd wager a guess to say that we have moved 95% of our belongings. I still have my washer and dryer to move, my corner cupboard, freezers, and exercise bike. I do have a few small things left also that need to be moved. But we are in...and quite livable. The problem. Well, we ate 'fast' foods or we ate out a good deal this week! That is rough on a diet! VERY rough! I was down to 179.8. Well...I'm back up to 182.4 according to my home scales today. I'll know the exact damage tonight at my meeting.
My scales. Well, I moved them and I went to weigh myself and they didn't work. The battery had gone dead...AGAIN! Didn't I just replace that sucker? Well, I bought a new battery and was able to check my weight this morning. I honestly do believe that if I had been checking my weight daily, I would not have allowed my weight to jump back up three pounds.
Well.......I did jump that three pounds and while I may have been more cognizant and not allowed it to happen, I do have to be honest. The ick should be arriving in my life soon. I say should be because I didn't mark it down last month....wasn't that smart of me???? So that may be causing me to retain water. PLUS, I'll be totally honest and admit that I've been drinking....well, zilch amounts of water! I've been drinking diet soda. And while that isn't the worst thing and didn't add calories and such to my life...it still wasn't what i NEEDED to be drinking! I do really honestly feel that water is an integral part of my weight loss. SOOOO I'm knocking back the 'sippy cup' of water today!
Last week at my weight watchers meeting I finally set and locked myself in to a goal weight. My weight watchers goal is officially set at 164. That is the highest weight watchers approved weight for my height range. At my meeting last week, that put me 15 pounds away from that goal. I guess tonight I'll be 18 or 19 pounds away....shucks! Oh well...that's still a heck of a lot closer than 100 pounds... or 125 pounds...or even 150 pounds. :-)
I'm refocusing myself on weight loss here. I can't let this get me. I've got to continue on and lose the rest of this weight. I've come to far to give up or fail now! Plus, I want new clothes! :-)
The car. They did a superb job on the car. Unfortunately, they were a full week over the 'promised' date! I was chomping at the bit to get my car back. Normally it wouldn't have been that bad...BUT with us moving, Todd now has to drive to work. When we lived above the business it was nice when we only had one car because he didn't need a car every day. NOW, we both need cars to get to work. Well, we could ride our bikes...but it was dang cold...and dark when we get off work! So it was a pain in the buttocks. I bummed rides for a week and a half! But, I got it back yesterday evening!!!! I was so tickled!
Moving. Wow. The new place looks nice. Very homey and comfortable! I'd wager a guess to say that we have moved 95% of our belongings. I still have my washer and dryer to move, my corner cupboard, freezers, and exercise bike. I do have a few small things left also that need to be moved. But we are in...and quite livable. The problem. Well, we ate 'fast' foods or we ate out a good deal this week! That is rough on a diet! VERY rough! I was down to 179.8. Well...I'm back up to 182.4 according to my home scales today. I'll know the exact damage tonight at my meeting.
My scales. Well, I moved them and I went to weigh myself and they didn't work. The battery had gone dead...AGAIN! Didn't I just replace that sucker? Well, I bought a new battery and was able to check my weight this morning. I honestly do believe that if I had been checking my weight daily, I would not have allowed my weight to jump back up three pounds.
Well.......I did jump that three pounds and while I may have been more cognizant and not allowed it to happen, I do have to be honest. The ick should be arriving in my life soon. I say should be because I didn't mark it down last month....wasn't that smart of me???? So that may be causing me to retain water. PLUS, I'll be totally honest and admit that I've been drinking....well, zilch amounts of water! I've been drinking diet soda. And while that isn't the worst thing and didn't add calories and such to my life...it still wasn't what i NEEDED to be drinking! I do really honestly feel that water is an integral part of my weight loss. SOOOO I'm knocking back the 'sippy cup' of water today!
Last week at my weight watchers meeting I finally set and locked myself in to a goal weight. My weight watchers goal is officially set at 164. That is the highest weight watchers approved weight for my height range. At my meeting last week, that put me 15 pounds away from that goal. I guess tonight I'll be 18 or 19 pounds away....shucks! Oh well...that's still a heck of a lot closer than 100 pounds... or 125 pounds...or even 150 pounds. :-)
I'm refocusing myself on weight loss here. I can't let this get me. I've got to continue on and lose the rest of this weight. I've come to far to give up or fail now! Plus, I want new clothes! :-)
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Great weight!
I showed a loss of 3.2 pounds at my meeting. I weighted in at 179.6. I was tickled. That puts me at almost exactly 15 pounds from my 'weight watcher' goal of 164! Woooo hooo!
Well...moving day was yesterday. I'm so darn sore! We had gotten to the point that we had to make the leap and just do it. So we did. I started working at 6 or 7AM and we carried in the last load last night at about 7PM. Granted we did stop for breakfast and lunch during that time..breakfast at the Red Byrd in Keedysville and lunch at Mr. D's in hagerstown (....VERY good food!) The cats were brought in at about 8PM. I then worked to get everything put away and settled....finishing up around 11PM. I showered and fell into bed. Uhhh yeah, I heard every creak and groan in the new place....and the cats.....more on that later. At 3AM I turned on the light...hoping that I could 'read myself' back to sleep....I did sleep fitfully from 11PM until about 3AM. However, at 3 i was wide awake. I finished my book. I turned off the light. Finally at 5AM I gave up and got out of bed and ate my cereal. I was thinking of heading to the grocery store at that point...but wanted to wait until at least 6AM. I laid down on the couch.....yes my new comfy couch...and slept for about 20 minutes. I ended up at the grocery store at 7AM.....spent a TON. I haven't gotten groceries for ages.....nothing serious at least...just pick up this or that here and there....I didn't want to 'stock up' just to have to move it all! I came home and we did two small loads of stuff. I helped Todd run the internet cables and the cables for the sattelite tv for the bedroom. I put some stuff away....made Todd a cheesecake and now here I am at work.....exhausted!
CATS! Lucy and Ethel were in the first batch of cats to come over to the new place. Todd said that they cried the whole trip (all of what...5 minutes tops). We took them out of the cages and we set Lucy in the cat liter first. She took to the new house like a fish in water. Yeah, she was a bit slinky and cautious...but she did VERY well. (We thought that she would be a wreck). I held Ethel while Lucy was being introduced to the cat bathroom. I then sat Ethel in the cat liter (after Lucy vacated obviously). Ethel jumped out and proceeded to follow me like white on rice. Everywhere I went, she followed. Oh yes...she cried and meowed copioiusly the whole time. I was working in the bedroom for the most part and I got both of the gals settled down......as long as I was within sight of them. (Isn't this just a pitiful story!) Well, Todd came back about a half hour later with the other two cats (he had to make a stop to drop off a cd to ...well, actually one of our 'new' neighbors). Desi was the first one to be set down in the cat liter box. My heart just broke. He hunkered down and let out this cry of pure pain! It was heart wrenching. Well.....it was so heart wrenching that Ethel...who was a bit upset before hand took off and ran and hid! Deebs was frozen in fear. Todd had to pick him out of the liter so taht I could introduce Jodi-fred to the new potty. She did really well. She, as Lucy was, was very skitish but was up and around and did verywell. She liked to be with...but she did excellent! Meanwhile, Todd was trying to soothe Deebs.......he did the cat liter again...and this time deebs got out on his own and slunk out of the laundry room and around the corner........into our bedroom. HE must have felt safe....under the bed. We let Ethel and Desi sulk for a bit in their hiding places for a bit before we pulled them out and loved them. Ethel stayed out...but Desi would only run back to his hiding place. Fast foward to nighttime. Why I didn't sleep much....a parade of cats. Literally, one would jump up....bat at my face to get my attention. I would pat it's head and then it would leave. Before I coudl settle down to sleep...the next one would come up....get my attention (by cat means), demand the pat/scratch and then they would leave. This happened with all four cats.....over and over and over again. And no....I didn't have the heart to kick them out of the bedroom! As I said earlier, I finally did get a little sleep on the sofa this morning. You may be asking why I didn't sleep longer? Well.....my computer desk sits out from the wall on the one side by about 8-12 inches......there is a bookshelf that buts up on that space...leaving a gap of dead space...surrounded by the end of the bookshelf, the end of the desk and the two sides of wall/in the corner. Well.....I heard this scratching noise. YES, my sweet thing Ethel got herself down in that pit and it's so small she didn't have enough room to jump to get herself out! Sad sad sad. The cats are still in a bit of an uproar.....Desi is the worst, Ethel is only slightly better. Lucy and Jodi are still easily spooked but otherwise ok.
Well...moving day was yesterday. I'm so darn sore! We had gotten to the point that we had to make the leap and just do it. So we did. I started working at 6 or 7AM and we carried in the last load last night at about 7PM. Granted we did stop for breakfast and lunch during that time..breakfast at the Red Byrd in Keedysville and lunch at Mr. D's in hagerstown (....VERY good food!) The cats were brought in at about 8PM. I then worked to get everything put away and settled....finishing up around 11PM. I showered and fell into bed. Uhhh yeah, I heard every creak and groan in the new place....and the cats.....more on that later. At 3AM I turned on the light...hoping that I could 'read myself' back to sleep....I did sleep fitfully from 11PM until about 3AM. However, at 3 i was wide awake. I finished my book. I turned off the light. Finally at 5AM I gave up and got out of bed and ate my cereal. I was thinking of heading to the grocery store at that point...but wanted to wait until at least 6AM. I laid down on the couch.....yes my new comfy couch...and slept for about 20 minutes. I ended up at the grocery store at 7AM.....spent a TON. I haven't gotten groceries for ages.....nothing serious at least...just pick up this or that here and there....I didn't want to 'stock up' just to have to move it all! I came home and we did two small loads of stuff. I helped Todd run the internet cables and the cables for the sattelite tv for the bedroom. I put some stuff away....made Todd a cheesecake and now here I am at work.....exhausted!
CATS! Lucy and Ethel were in the first batch of cats to come over to the new place. Todd said that they cried the whole trip (all of what...5 minutes tops). We took them out of the cages and we set Lucy in the cat liter first. She took to the new house like a fish in water. Yeah, she was a bit slinky and cautious...but she did VERY well. (We thought that she would be a wreck). I held Ethel while Lucy was being introduced to the cat bathroom. I then sat Ethel in the cat liter (after Lucy vacated obviously). Ethel jumped out and proceeded to follow me like white on rice. Everywhere I went, she followed. Oh yes...she cried and meowed copioiusly the whole time. I was working in the bedroom for the most part and I got both of the gals settled down......as long as I was within sight of them. (Isn't this just a pitiful story!) Well, Todd came back about a half hour later with the other two cats (he had to make a stop to drop off a cd to ...well, actually one of our 'new' neighbors). Desi was the first one to be set down in the cat liter box. My heart just broke. He hunkered down and let out this cry of pure pain! It was heart wrenching. Well.....it was so heart wrenching that Ethel...who was a bit upset before hand took off and ran and hid! Deebs was frozen in fear. Todd had to pick him out of the liter so taht I could introduce Jodi-fred to the new potty. She did really well. She, as Lucy was, was very skitish but was up and around and did verywell. She liked to be with...but she did excellent! Meanwhile, Todd was trying to soothe Deebs.......he did the cat liter again...and this time deebs got out on his own and slunk out of the laundry room and around the corner........into our bedroom. HE must have felt safe....under the bed. We let Ethel and Desi sulk for a bit in their hiding places for a bit before we pulled them out and loved them. Ethel stayed out...but Desi would only run back to his hiding place. Fast foward to nighttime. Why I didn't sleep much....a parade of cats. Literally, one would jump up....bat at my face to get my attention. I would pat it's head and then it would leave. Before I coudl settle down to sleep...the next one would come up....get my attention (by cat means), demand the pat/scratch and then they would leave. This happened with all four cats.....over and over and over again. And no....I didn't have the heart to kick them out of the bedroom! As I said earlier, I finally did get a little sleep on the sofa this morning. You may be asking why I didn't sleep longer? Well.....my computer desk sits out from the wall on the one side by about 8-12 inches......there is a bookshelf that buts up on that space...leaving a gap of dead space...surrounded by the end of the bookshelf, the end of the desk and the two sides of wall/in the corner. Well.....I heard this scratching noise. YES, my sweet thing Ethel got herself down in that pit and it's so small she didn't have enough room to jump to get herself out! Sad sad sad. The cats are still in a bit of an uproar.....Desi is the worst, Ethel is only slightly better. Lucy and Jodi are still easily spooked but otherwise ok.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
I'm still here!
I'm still around. I haven't given up. I haven't fallen off the bandwagon. I haven't done any of that. I just realized that something had to loosen up in my life before I went irrevocably insane! So the weight watchers kinda got pushed to the back burner for a while. I still figure in my head how many points I'm eating and all that. However, I don't track or anything. Other than the first week when things went catawompus, I have managed to maintain my weight (actually a bit of a loss...BUT that can be attributed to the flu). I know that I'll probably be eating a bit 'worse for the wear' for the next day or so. We'll be moving. We'll probably go to breakfast tomorrow morning...and most likely lunch also. On the flip side....I'll be moving and such. Oh well...it will all work out.
I'm actually looking foward to getting back to a 'normal' life routine and getting this weight gone for good! This morning I weighed in at 178....that is 14 pounds from the high end of my weight range. I need to talk to the leader tonight to double check! Woo hooo! :-) FOURTEEN POUNDS!!!!!!! That seems so close!
I'm actually looking foward to getting back to a 'normal' life routine and getting this weight gone for good! This morning I weighed in at 178....that is 14 pounds from the high end of my weight range. I need to talk to the leader tonight to double check! Woo hooo! :-) FOURTEEN POUNDS!!!!!!! That seems so close!
Saturday, February 23, 2008
What a week!
I'm down on the scales and I'm very tickled with that. However, I'd gladly take back this past week and not have lost anything. I've ended up sick with the flu. MISERABLE! And it sucks that it's right when I'm focused on trying to get us moved! ARRGGHH I was originally hoping to move today, but with me being sick for a few, I'm now thinking that next wednesday is going to be the day! Hopefully then things will settle down and I'll be able to refocus my energy on losing weight!
Friday, February 15, 2008
Proud of myself
I've been struggling of late with my eating as this blog easily shows. Well, I've been trying to pull myself together and get back to eating healthy portions and options. Well, yesterday I was bound and determined to do it. Todd and I decided to treat ourselves to a meal out for Valentines day. Well...on the way up to town, we had a bit of an accident. We hit a deer. Errr...well, the deer actually kinda hit us. I slowed and managed to avoid the first deer we saw....but the second one ran up and just literally ran right smack dab into the side of my car! (The deer was ok!). That deer just plain and simple sheered off my side view mirror and gave my car a few dents and bumps. I freaked out because I saw it coming and sat for those few seconds staring in horror as this deer came barrelling toward me (couldn't speed up because of the deer in front of me...couldn't swerve because of the car in the oncoming lane). The poor deers head just literally was smashed up against the drivers side window...just inches from my face. I saw the fear in that poor deers eyes! (mirrored in my own of course!). BUT, to make s long story short. We eventually did make it up to town and to dinner. We ended up going to Bob Evans.....everything else was just super busy and by the time we got there it was getting late and we didn't want to wait! I got a chicken breast, steamed broccoli and applesauce. AND, I'm proud to say that I stayed within my points yesterday! That is absolutely amazing. IT's the first time in ages! (ok, in weeks!) Driving up to town after the 'incident' I wanted Pizza and comfort foods. I refrained though!
Ohh...yeah, the sickest part.....I have deer fur/hair stuck in all sorts of places and crevices that are on the side of my car (door handles and such!) ewwwwwww!
So far so good today. I am going to have a little snack pack of food. (the chocolate cake 100 cal things from I think it's hostess) I should probably chose a healthier snack...but at this point if I'm within my points I'm considering it a victory!
Meanwhile, Todd and I are hoping to be somewhat moved and living over at the other place within the next 2 weeks (a week and a half to be exact).
Ohh...yeah, the sickest part.....I have deer fur/hair stuck in all sorts of places and crevices that are on the side of my car (door handles and such!) ewwwwwww!
So far so good today. I am going to have a little snack pack of food. (the chocolate cake 100 cal things from I think it's hostess) I should probably chose a healthier snack...but at this point if I'm within my points I'm considering it a victory!
Meanwhile, Todd and I are hoping to be somewhat moved and living over at the other place within the next 2 weeks (a week and a half to be exact).
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
I'm not going to my meeting tonight. For a few reasons. Number one, the ick is here and my weight is just all crazy over the place with that in the works. Number two, the weather is icky. Number three, something has to give in my life right now...and for the next week or two, it's goign to be that 100% focus on my weight. No, I'm not giving up. I just can't be 100% focused on that and still be 100% focused on getting the other place ready for occupancy and 100% focused. Quite honestly, the stress of trying to keep it all together was just getting to be too much. SOOOOOO...my goal is to maintain throughout this time. Continue to count my points as well as possible...but just to maintain. Hopefully lose...but the goal is to maintain!
Monday, February 11, 2008
clueless!!!
Yes, I'm clueless as to where my weigh loss progress is this week. I did weigh in a few days ago and noticed that my weight was up abut 2 pounds. That brought me around a bit and I was able to get my eating a bit more under control. Probably not totally back in line...but at least a bit better. I'm hoping.
I'm wondering if my 'ick' cycle has not been what's causing me all this grief these past weeks. Last month the ick was short and sweet. We are talking REALLY light for like less than one day. This month it has hit with a vengeance. So I'm wondering if that has played a roll in my rough month? Ok, ok, ok...I'm grasping at straws! tee hee hee
I get off today at 3. I'm planning on doing some laundry this afternoon and then relaxing this evening. Todd is working so I'll have to be doign 'quiet' things around the house....so I'll probably work on some of my projects for the other place. I think an evening of rest and relaxation will be a good thing for me!
I'm wondering if my 'ick' cycle has not been what's causing me all this grief these past weeks. Last month the ick was short and sweet. We are talking REALLY light for like less than one day. This month it has hit with a vengeance. So I'm wondering if that has played a roll in my rough month? Ok, ok, ok...I'm grasping at straws! tee hee hee
I get off today at 3. I'm planning on doing some laundry this afternoon and then relaxing this evening. Todd is working so I'll have to be doign 'quiet' things around the house....so I'll probably work on some of my projects for the other place. I think an evening of rest and relaxation will be a good thing for me!
Thursday, February 07, 2008
the good, the bad and the ugly
What first...the good or the bad. Hmmm...I think I'll go with the bad first..and end on a good note.
I'm eating like a starving pig! What more can I say? I'm just eating and eating and eating! Not exercising and I have no desire to exercise! ARRGGHHH
The good news...and hopefully it will spark me to be 'good'. I was gettign ready for work, standing in the closet trying to figure out what to wear. Out of the corner of my eye I glimpsed my two 'goal dresses'. These are dresses that I found a few years ago for like a dollar a piece. One is a size 10, the other is a size 12. They are both denim (pity because I can't wear denim to my current job). Anyway, I saw them out of the corner of my eye. Just for a giggle I decided to put the 12 one...or should I say TRY to put the 12 on and see how close I am. OH MY WORD>>>>>>IT FIT! IT FITS! IT FITS! It is on the tighter side...but it fits! I can't believe it! Who would have ever guessed! I mean, I bought it....but I never really truly imagined that i'd actually ever fit into it! WOAH doggie! In fact, I think when I first bought them, my words (I think I journalled it...I'll have to go back and read and try to find it) were "I may never fit into these dresses...but they will serve as inspiration......cheaply".
Oh the other thing. A conversation with a friend sparked me to think about eating out and the booths that we are usually seated in. It made me think back a few years to when my husband and i would go out to eat. If we were sat in a booth, we wouldn't sit directly across from each other. We would sit more diagonally. This would allow us to push the table into a cock-eyed position....giving us each more room for our over-sized bodies! It's crazy because we no longer do that. In fact, I usually ahve WAY too much room in a booth!
I'm eating like a starving pig! What more can I say? I'm just eating and eating and eating! Not exercising and I have no desire to exercise! ARRGGHHH
The good news...and hopefully it will spark me to be 'good'. I was gettign ready for work, standing in the closet trying to figure out what to wear. Out of the corner of my eye I glimpsed my two 'goal dresses'. These are dresses that I found a few years ago for like a dollar a piece. One is a size 10, the other is a size 12. They are both denim (pity because I can't wear denim to my current job). Anyway, I saw them out of the corner of my eye. Just for a giggle I decided to put the 12 one...or should I say TRY to put the 12 on and see how close I am. OH MY WORD>>>>>>IT FIT! IT FITS! IT FITS! It is on the tighter side...but it fits! I can't believe it! Who would have ever guessed! I mean, I bought it....but I never really truly imagined that i'd actually ever fit into it! WOAH doggie! In fact, I think when I first bought them, my words (I think I journalled it...I'll have to go back and read and try to find it) were "I may never fit into these dresses...but they will serve as inspiration......cheaply".
Oh the other thing. A conversation with a friend sparked me to think about eating out and the booths that we are usually seated in. It made me think back a few years to when my husband and i would go out to eat. If we were sat in a booth, we wouldn't sit directly across from each other. We would sit more diagonally. This would allow us to push the table into a cock-eyed position....giving us each more room for our over-sized bodies! It's crazy because we no longer do that. In fact, I usually ahve WAY too much room in a booth!
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Things are still strange in weight loss land
The weight was still down this morning. In fact, it as down even further. I didn't eat all that great last night. I had the points available for the meal and TWO cornbread muffins. I ate 4 muffins. So go figure! Oh well....it's still down. However, I do know that I'm goign to have to start being religious again very soon! I wish and pray that I am able to continue to eat like this and no longer exercise (like this past week). However, I know that is just not going to be the case. :-) We'll see what my official weigh in is!
Worked over at the other place this morning. The library is almost ready for the books to move in! Woo hooo! In fact, it's so close that we set up the futon that was stored over there and we were sitting on it for a while this morning....in the room. Yes, we decided to keep the futon and use it in the library. For a couple reason. One, it will give us seating in the library. And two, we can use it as a bed when we have company.
Walked back to the old trash pit on our property that we just located. I can not wait to start digging it out!!!! What treasures I may find!!!!!
Worked over at the other place this morning. The library is almost ready for the books to move in! Woo hooo! In fact, it's so close that we set up the futon that was stored over there and we were sitting on it for a while this morning....in the room. Yes, we decided to keep the futon and use it in the library. For a couple reason. One, it will give us seating in the library. And two, we can use it as a bed when we have company.
Walked back to the old trash pit on our property that we just located. I can not wait to start digging it out!!!! What treasures I may find!!!!!
Monday, February 04, 2008
Woah doggie!
Ok, so I've been somewhat disgusted with the weight loss progress. I know that times like this are when people usually give up and quit. I've never seriously contemplated quitting. However, I do know that while my motivation was still going strong this past week, that my willpower had taken a hike. Ok....it just plain up and died on me! I exercised ONCE during this past week. I journalled next to nothing in my food intake journal. I ate what I wanted and when I wanted it. (for the most part). I had cake, cookies, ice cream, and goodies. I DID NOT eat all my fruits and vegetables. Multi-vitamin....haa! Nada! I was however still cognizant of how much I was eating...and I did somewhat calculate the points (in my head...rounded off). I didn't weigh myself ANY this past week. SOOO this morning it was with much fear and trepidation that I stepped onto the scale. I had contemplated not stepping on the scale...and simply going to my meeting, weighing in and finding out then what kind of damage I had done this week. Well, I almost started jumping up and down with joy when I saw that the scales showed me at 182.6! My last weigh in...was last Thursday and I was 184. (On my last weigh in day I was 185.....woo hooo...I'm DOWN!!!!!!!)
I had already made up my mind that with the new week looming, that I was going to start being religious again about watching what I'm eating and such. I think in my mind I figured that I kinda needed a little break away from that routine. SOOOO seeing that I actually LOST weight during my little 'break' I"m half way afraid to pick back up on the exercise and stuff. I will though,....it's good for me. :-)
I think it's about time for an update on the renovations at the other place. The library floor...... 3/5 of the way done! I'm pulling out my hair though. The flooring that I'm putting down is MUCH more difficult to work with in comparison to the others that I have. I was literally rolling around on the floor trying to get it to be a bit more malleable against that stupid imperfect floor! As I was rolling around my thoughts? Well, I was thinking that if I was still 300 pounds it would be working better than the 185 'new and improved' MaryFran. Probably one of the only times that I will ever find something really positive to say about my old weight! :-) OK...enough about the flooring. I also spent quite some bit of time scrubbing and scouring the stove and oven! I have put it into place in the kitchen. I'm going to take my oven thermometer over there one day soon and see how 'off' the oven temperature is. I'm hoping that it's pretty dead on! :-) I'm also going to test the burners to see how they are! I'm hopign that they are all in working order. My stove where we live currently has a burner that's out. And I never realized how much I actually use all of my burners when I'm cooking! For that matter, when we build, I'm splurging for one of those 6 burner stoves! Todd worked very hard yesterday. Although I couldn't resist ribbing him a bit. When we were at Lowes last week, I picked up some pvc prime and cement and had it in the cart. Todd was like, "no, I've got plenty at home" and promptly took it out of the cart and put it back on the shelf. Sooooooo of course yesterday when he sheepishly comes out of the bathroom where he was working to tell me that he didn't have any pvc pipe cement I just couldn't resist giving him a hard time! Of course he dind't have his wallet or keys with him. SOOOO I ended up having to drive to Charlestown to run into Home Depot to pick up some. The bathroom.....well, I have a tub installed! The drain line is hooked up! I actually sat and layed back in my tub for a bit while I was talking to Todd (woah...another time when I kinda wished i had more weight on me.......I was sitting in the tub to make sure it was down as far as it would go...and to make sure that it was not wobbly!). Todd was just shaking his head like I was a ninny...because I was laughing and pretending I was taking a bath. :-) So the tub base is in and ready to go. Then Todd put the toilet in! So now he has to hook up the faucets and the shower head and put the surround up on the walls! At that point, I think we may be ready to turn on the water!!! Won't that be exciting???????????
I had already made up my mind that with the new week looming, that I was going to start being religious again about watching what I'm eating and such. I think in my mind I figured that I kinda needed a little break away from that routine. SOOOO seeing that I actually LOST weight during my little 'break' I"m half way afraid to pick back up on the exercise and stuff. I will though,....it's good for me. :-)
I think it's about time for an update on the renovations at the other place. The library floor...... 3/5 of the way done! I'm pulling out my hair though. The flooring that I'm putting down is MUCH more difficult to work with in comparison to the others that I have. I was literally rolling around on the floor trying to get it to be a bit more malleable against that stupid imperfect floor! As I was rolling around my thoughts? Well, I was thinking that if I was still 300 pounds it would be working better than the 185 'new and improved' MaryFran. Probably one of the only times that I will ever find something really positive to say about my old weight! :-) OK...enough about the flooring. I also spent quite some bit of time scrubbing and scouring the stove and oven! I have put it into place in the kitchen. I'm going to take my oven thermometer over there one day soon and see how 'off' the oven temperature is. I'm hoping that it's pretty dead on! :-) I'm also going to test the burners to see how they are! I'm hopign that they are all in working order. My stove where we live currently has a burner that's out. And I never realized how much I actually use all of my burners when I'm cooking! For that matter, when we build, I'm splurging for one of those 6 burner stoves! Todd worked very hard yesterday. Although I couldn't resist ribbing him a bit. When we were at Lowes last week, I picked up some pvc prime and cement and had it in the cart. Todd was like, "no, I've got plenty at home" and promptly took it out of the cart and put it back on the shelf. Sooooooo of course yesterday when he sheepishly comes out of the bathroom where he was working to tell me that he didn't have any pvc pipe cement I just couldn't resist giving him a hard time! Of course he dind't have his wallet or keys with him. SOOOO I ended up having to drive to Charlestown to run into Home Depot to pick up some. The bathroom.....well, I have a tub installed! The drain line is hooked up! I actually sat and layed back in my tub for a bit while I was talking to Todd (woah...another time when I kinda wished i had more weight on me.......I was sitting in the tub to make sure it was down as far as it would go...and to make sure that it was not wobbly!). Todd was just shaking his head like I was a ninny...because I was laughing and pretending I was taking a bath. :-) So the tub base is in and ready to go. Then Todd put the toilet in! So now he has to hook up the faucets and the shower head and put the surround up on the walls! At that point, I think we may be ready to turn on the water!!! Won't that be exciting???????????
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Sore muscles as my poor excuse to not exercise
My muscles are sore from my workout on Thursday. I decided to push myself further than I normally do. So I kicked up the amount of weight that I lifted. And I'm feelign it in my muscles. Yesterday I didn't notice my stomach muscles..but I just stretched and wow, I really felt it! The gym has recently added a bunch of new 'ab' machines. Kinda cool. I tried one of them. I didn't think it did much good...but eii yii yiii...I guess it did. :-)
This morning, the alarm went off early. I got up and went to the bathroom. The problem...as I was walking I was feelign my sore muscles....so instead of gettign on my workout clothes...I crawled back into bed. NOT good. I can't even say that I slept that extra hour. NOOOOO, I just laid there awake. Why do I do these things?
My excuse...the sore muscles. I know that when i get off work at around noon, that I'm goign to rush home, eat a quick lunch and then head over to the other place to work. I'll probably be working for at least 6 hours tonight....so I didn't want to overdo it this morning. Yep...lazy ass excuse!
This morning, the alarm went off early. I got up and went to the bathroom. The problem...as I was walking I was feelign my sore muscles....so instead of gettign on my workout clothes...I crawled back into bed. NOT good. I can't even say that I slept that extra hour. NOOOOO, I just laid there awake. Why do I do these things?
My excuse...the sore muscles. I know that when i get off work at around noon, that I'm goign to rush home, eat a quick lunch and then head over to the other place to work. I'll probably be working for at least 6 hours tonight....so I didn't want to overdo it this morning. Yep...lazy ass excuse!
Friday, February 01, 2008
Happy February!
Well...my weight this morning was at 184. A bit up from yesterday..but not so much that I'm upset. In fact, I didn't eat all that good yesterday evening so I'm kinda glad that it wasn't up more than that .6 pounds! I went and had spagetti with mom and dad. Todd was suppossed to go with me for dinner but he ate something bad when he was at his Kiwanis meeting and apparently had a case of food poisioning...so I left the puke machine at home. After dinner I decorated a bunch of cakes for mom. It is fun to decorate...but it's been so long since I've done it That I wasn't overly happy with my job.....but it will suffice. Poor mom...she says that the pain hit her so bad last night that she was up all night...in tears.
I didn't exercise this morning. I woke up and I was so productive. I was paying bills, taking care of some issues that i've been pushing under the rug, doing some paperwork for the business. Super productive. BUT, buy the time that I was actually winding up, I looked at the clock and I had less than an hour to shower, dress for work, eat lunch, scrap my car (ice storm) and get to work. Sooo...there went my morning exercise. I know that I can vow that I will exercise tonight. And I'd really like to. HOWEVER, I know that our new XBox 360 came today.....so do you think I'm going to want to exercise or am i going to want to play games with my husband? Hmmmmm. We have been planning to get one early in the year 2008. Mainly because Grand Theft Auto is being released this spring. We got a bundle deal...and picked up something like 15 games with it. Ghost Recon 1 and 2, Halo 2 and 3, one of the Rainbow six games, a racing game, a few more 'shoot em up style games, some sports games (two football, one soccer, one golf, and a tennis). We got a really good deal! :-) Hmmm...what shall we play first. And let me say...if that putz that I married plays them without me this afternoon......ooooohhhhh I'll ...I'll..... Oh, I'll do nothing but razz him about it! So in all honest, I know that exercise is only a remote (very remote) possibility for me tonight.
Speaking of the XBox...when I gave in and agreed to getting the new xbox, I talked to todd about not using the xbox until we move...because it maymake it much more difficult for us to get over there and work if we know we have fun games to play. But, I guess i can try to think of it as a reward....work to do such and such and then go home and relax by playing a game. I guess for me it will be the hardest...because when I'm home I have stuff to do...I still have the rug to finish......the curtains for the bedroom to make...and that quilt to finish. So I won't be playing much. Oh well...... I'm an adult...I'm sure I'll be fine.
I didn't exercise this morning. I woke up and I was so productive. I was paying bills, taking care of some issues that i've been pushing under the rug, doing some paperwork for the business. Super productive. BUT, buy the time that I was actually winding up, I looked at the clock and I had less than an hour to shower, dress for work, eat lunch, scrap my car (ice storm) and get to work. Sooo...there went my morning exercise. I know that I can vow that I will exercise tonight. And I'd really like to. HOWEVER, I know that our new XBox 360 came today.....so do you think I'm going to want to exercise or am i going to want to play games with my husband? Hmmmmm. We have been planning to get one early in the year 2008. Mainly because Grand Theft Auto is being released this spring. We got a bundle deal...and picked up something like 15 games with it. Ghost Recon 1 and 2, Halo 2 and 3, one of the Rainbow six games, a racing game, a few more 'shoot em up style games, some sports games (two football, one soccer, one golf, and a tennis). We got a really good deal! :-) Hmmm...what shall we play first. And let me say...if that putz that I married plays them without me this afternoon......ooooohhhhh I'll ...I'll..... Oh, I'll do nothing but razz him about it! So in all honest, I know that exercise is only a remote (very remote) possibility for me tonight.
Speaking of the XBox...when I gave in and agreed to getting the new xbox, I talked to todd about not using the xbox until we move...because it maymake it much more difficult for us to get over there and work if we know we have fun games to play. But, I guess i can try to think of it as a reward....work to do such and such and then go home and relax by playing a game. I guess for me it will be the hardest...because when I'm home I have stuff to do...I still have the rug to finish......the curtains for the bedroom to make...and that quilt to finish. So I won't be playing much. Oh well...... I'm an adult...I'm sure I'll be fine.
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