Accepting responsibility

I accept complete responsibility for what happened today.  It was 100% my failure. I can't blame it on anyone other than myself!

What happened?   Today was my weekly weigh in and it wasn't spectacular.  OK, so it wasn't all that horrible either.   

My weight fluctuated madly last week.  I was down and excited on Monday, disappointed on Wednesday and showing signs of progress again by Friday (still not as low as Monday though).  Normally my weight does NOT fluctuate that much.   If I take the average of those three weights, my weight for last week was 231.7.  

I had a relatively bad eating weekend.  I know what I have done, and I know how to fix it. (ha ha ha, say no to donuts......and fried cheese.......and vending machine food!)   I didn't know what to expect when I stepped on the scale today.  I hadn't stepped on the scale since last Friday.  Much to my shock I was 231.6.   At first I was disappointed because a week and a half ago I was a pound or two less.  But then I started to think about my weight through last week.  I'm going to call this week a maintain since I was dead on with my 'average'.  

Yes, I am thinking creatively....but shouldn't we sometimes think outside the box?

So where does this put in in terms of my Love Bites Valentines day Challenge?  Well....a lot worse than I assumed just a few minutes ago.   Yes, I had somehow counted four weeks until my Valentines weigh in when I was sending out my accountability emails....and while my goal was attainable by a long stretch, when I realized that my counting was off (how could I have counted four instead of three???) I now know that it is almost insurmountable.    You see, I would need to lose 11.6 pounds in 3 weeks.   3.9 pounds a week.  HA HA HA.  I'm going to push forward.  It's not so much as getting TO the goal (although on one of these mini challenges I'm making for myself I DO want to reach my goal....it didn't happen with Saving Christmas either.)  It's all about me making strides TOWARD my goal and I will call it a success if I get to the end day and I can show that I have lost something!  

So here I am.  I've accepted my role in not showing a loss and I am readjusting my motivation and determination. This journey is one that requires constant fine tuning and adjusting as our lives are definitely NOT static.   Things change from day to day and with that, it means that we sometimes need to change our methods and habits on a daily basis.   We need to roll with the punches and learn how to navigate!   It may seem crazy and not worth it...but I know.....it is SOOOO worth it and I have the pictures to prove it!!!!

I WILL conquer this!

Take responsibility

A few months back I wrote about taking responsibility for my weight loss. It wasn't weight watchers or any other system that made me lose weight.  It was me myself and I that lost the weight.  I am not knocking weight watchers or any other system.  They are great.  They provide the tools and support.  They are wonderful.  The problem comes into play when these weight loss systems become the end all be all to us.  I know that I did this in the past and while I was highly successful with the program that I chose (WW), I didn't learn valuable lessons.   I didn't learn that it was ME that did it.

This was brought up in my mind the other day.  I was writing a comment on a weight loss forum that I am part of.  Basically I was saying that by 6 that one night I wasn't sure that I was going to get my fruits and veggies in for the day.  It was a crap shot for me that day.  (It was Saturday....and Saturday was...well.....I'll get there later).   Someone posted back on there.....(and let me preface this by saying that this person was in no way being mean...and I am in no way trying to knock on them for their comment....it just sparked thought in my head)...they posted  "I'm on Weight Watchers, so I KNOW that I will get my 5 fruits and veggies a day".   Ok, that's fine....but there is that end all be all mentality that is so destructive in a long term kind of way.  Weight watchers is not the salvation.   Motivation is the salvation.  NO, you dont' know that you will get your fruits and veggies in.  Life throws curveballs.  Things happen.  Just being on the end all be all weight loss program does not mean automatic success.  Success comes from inside oneself!  The comment that would have made me happier to see....even with the weight watchers plug would have been.  "I'm super motivated while following weight watchers and I am motivated to get my recommended fruit and veggies in...because I CAN DO IT!"


Saturday.  I woke up. I woke up emotional.   I consciously made the decision while I laid in bed (I may or may not have been crying at that point) that I didn't give a flip about vegetables...if I got them in, so be it if I didn't.....big whop.  A few minutes later I also decided that I was going to screw the water consumption.  I was drinking diet soda all day.  So HA.   I was well on my way to having a 'blow it off day'.  No veggies (only the condiments on my sub) through breakfast and lunch.  Not a drop of water either.  Todd and I spent the afternoon outside working in the garden.  I was sucking down diet soda and a funny thing happened....my stomach was rebelling.  It was flipping and flopping and I felt MISERABLE.  I didn't think anything of it...but when my diet soda was gone, I wasn't thinking and the NEW habit that I've formed kicked in and I just filled my water mug and took that outside.  I started pounding the water and low and behold......I felt 100% better.  My body overruled my I dont' care attitude.   As for the veggies....uhhhh lets see refried beans at the mexican restaurant.......some lettuce and onions on my turkey sub........and can I count raspberry ice cream (soft serve) as a fruit??????  So I never recouped that decision.   However, Sunday I was back on track!  :-)

It's all me

I lost weight once before. I lost a lot of weight It's all chronicled on this blog. I lost near 130 pounds. I was highly successful. I even managed to maintain that weight for a while (in fairness I was trying to lose more, but my weight remained steady). I did it! People came up to me all the time and were in shock and  awe at the transformation that I had made. Without fail these people asked me how I did it. I had my answer and I said it with happiness and joy. Without fail I answered with two words. "Weight Watchers". I thought that was acceptable. Until now. I'm not saying that weight watchers didn't play a role in my weight loss. However those two words don't encompass the hard work that I did. Me myself and I did it all!!! Those two words don't mention the will power that it took to say no to a piece of cake when I had already eaten my food budget. It didn't even hint at the hours upon hours of exercise that I put in. It didn't discuss the hours of thought, determination and focus that the feat of losing 130 pounds takes. Those two words really detract from the work that I did.  Those two words made the whole process it seem rather easy. It laid all of the praise on the organization that is known as Weight Watchers and downplayed my role in the transformation. I was the perfect spokeswoman (unpaid) for

weight watchers. And let me stop and say that the weight watchers program is wonderful. I am a lifetime member and when I get back to my goal weight I will return to meetings for the community support! However I laid all praise at the feet of the weight watcher corporation.

Weight watchers was a crutch. Weight watchers was a tool. Weight watchers was accountability.Those things are great.   However weight watchers didn't lose the weight. I did. Weight watchers don't exercise for hours in end. I did. Weight watchers didn't summon all the will power to eat healthy. I did. Me me me!


This time around I'm accepting responsibility...that means my failures are mine alone. But it also means that my successes are mine and only mine. This is all me!!  I am changing myself...and no one else is responsible....me and me alone!