Not giving up

Official weigh in day has arrived and I am up 1.2 from my weight last weekend.  I don’t really feel as if I’ve done worse than the week before...other than an Oreo cookie last night so I’m not sure what’s up with that!   I’m wondering if it’s my water consumption that had been less so maybe that’s water weight.  Who knows...but it has been tracked and noted.  

I have still continued to walk the stairs on my breaks.  I have ridden the bike trainer too.  So I’m not a total sluggard!   But still those short bursts of activity are not enough!  I know that!

So let’s talk about the ride!!!   I said 15 and Jason said aim for 10.    Let me tell you...long minutes.  My legs were fine.  It was my butt!!!  Those little bones in your butt cheeks to be exact!  Eiii yii yii!!!  I know...I’ll harden up to the road bike seat!!!  But for now...ouch!!! 

Ok ok ok...I didn’t ride last night...but I did Monday!  Last night I was in bed by 8:15 and asleep by 8:30!!!  Sleep won out!!

So here I am...still working on it all!!!  And I’m not giving up!!!

Flimsy and weak

Hi ho, hi ho...it’s odd to work I go!

Yes it’s Monday!  So let’s start with the weekendupdate  first....simply because it will make me smile the most!!!    After the weekend update we will get to the other stuff, aka my deep thoughts (or not so deep as is sometimes the case!)

The weekend

The weekend....ahhh what can I say???   The commute home on Friday evening was hellish...so Jason and I only had a few minutes together on Friday night. Booo!  We usually only get 30 -45 minutes together in the evening...but a bad/long commute cuts into that time.   Boy will we be happy to be living closer to our jobs and together so that we can have more time together during the week!   We grabbed food for dinner and got a smooch or two in and then parted ways happy that I’m the morning we would be together for 2 days and one night!!   We each had a relaxing morning...me with my kitty cat beside me.

And then we hooked up.   We headed north...and the wonderful balmy temperature from Thursday and Friday (50’s one day and upper 60’s the other) was a thing of the past.   We decided that it was a perfect weekend for antiquing and that’s just what we did.  Both Saturday and Sunday.   And we got some relaxing and tv watching while cuddling in to!!     It was a good weekend!  It was hard to say goodnight/goodbye on Sunday night and know that we will only see each other for a few minutes each day...the countdown until Saturday has already begun!

Oh and the last word about the weekend.  My cheat meal/treat was donuts this weekend and they were delicious!  I had it as a dessert after my meal on Saturday evening!  Delicious!  Probably more so than if I had eaten them every night of the week because I appreciated them more!

Oh I lied too...another word about the weekend....I had my first diet soda (any soda) since the end of 2017....it was just icky tasting!!!  I poured most of it down the drain!!!  It was just too sweet and just not good!   Can ones taste buds adjust that fast???

Weighing daily

I wrote last weekend about weighing daily. I talked about how I typically weigh myself  for my official weigh in on Wednesday’s to correspond with my friends official weight watcher weigh in day, but I talked about weighing on Saturday’s instead.   Well on Saturday I came up with the perfect solution for me...right now.   Wednesday’s will remain my official weigh in day.  But I will also be religiously weighing on Saturday’s.  My weight on Saturday is a check in...and a guide to my cheat day.  If I’ve gained on Saturday that by all means the cheat day needs to be cancelled!  Saturday’s weigh in rules the cheat day!

No excuses

So a few years ago I picked up a stair step/lateral trainer at a yard sale for 5 bucks.   

I had grand plans.  They never materialized.   When I took this current job I had grand plans to use it.  That never happened!

So last week I saw something and bought it.   Let me backtrack and say that many times over the years I have thought about buying a bike trainer.  A machine that I can set my bike in and ride inside.  But seriously...those things can get expensive!  So last week while I was Aldi’s (grocery store) and saw a trainer for $60 I was skeptical...but interested.  I decided to go with it!  I could always return it if it didn’t work.  We took it home and set it up.  But my bikes were all on storage and not with me where I lived.  So the trainer sat there unused in the corner.  Yesterday Jason and I went to my storage area and picked up my road bike.  And guess what? The trainer works!!!!

My plan is for 15 minutes a day.  Jason said even aim for 10.  

This is huge...number one.  Jason and I ride a lot in the summer.  If I am putting even any rotations on my legs I will fare much better when the weather changes and we can get back out there.  Secondly....when we ride i use my trek (hybrid/mountain bike) I put my lightspeed (road bike) on the trainer.  This bike has been my nemesis.  Seriously I wrote a blog post about it and titled the blog post the ‘elephant in the room’.   This bike hurts to ride.  It’s just different.  Muscles in my arms and my abs...ouch ouch ouch!!!  So hopefully by taking the 10-15 minutes (hopefully getting longer periods in as time goes by and as time permits) will help ‘harden me’ and maybe I can ride it this summer....after we move and I actually have time!!

So I have no excuse!!!  Well except time.  And well in all honesty that is flimsy and weak as an excuse!!

Convenience 

Convenience isn’t a handy thing when it comes to weight loss.  Not at all.   Why do I say that??  A couple of reasons.

First it’s cold.  It’s so convenient to go through a drive through and not get out of your warm toasty car.  But that convenience isn’t exactly healthy!!!

Secondly. Apple Pay (or the corresponding android pay from your phone app).  I go down to the cafeteria to eat my lunch at work.  It’s pretty easy to not be swayed to grab candy and snacks...I take my lunch and leave the money and credit card at my desk.  That makes it sooo easy to avoid the temptation.   But the cafeteria has happily announced (a while back) that they do apple pay!  Isn’t that awesome????? Seriously...my phone is always with me!!!  This is great right?????  No it’s not awesome!  Not in the slightest!   You see now that it has registered that they do apple pay, I sit down there eating my fruit and veggies and I think about what they have..delicious cookies, scrumptious desserts and even okey gooey candy bars. Before I brushed it off because I would have to go up and get some form of payment.   But now I sit there with my phone...which is a form of payment!  This is BAD!!!

Luckily for me...I am telling myself I’m dumb and don’t know how to use Apple Pay!!!  Yes I know I have a credit card linked and it’s all set up...but I have never technically used Apple Pay at the point of sale....so you see I don’t know how!!  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.   Is it a flimsy deterrent?  Yes...but that’s all I have at the moment!!!

Convenience...it comes at a price!!

That was then. This is now!

Two weigh or not to weigh? That is the question. Years ago I would weigh myself every day. I would go to the bathroom, strip my clothes, weigh myself and then hop in the shower. Every day. When I moved, the scales were not put into the bathroom where I shower, for various reasons. Losing that daily habit was a detriment for me, I liked seeing the daily weight. I knew that some days weren’t going to show a loss and some days would,and I was ok with the daily fluctuations. It kept me on track.

With the scales located in a less conducive spot for weighing daily I went back down to one Weigh in a week… If that. The only thing that kept me getting on somewhat regularly was the fact that I share my weight on a weekly basis with a friend. She goes to weight watchers on Wednesdays so Wednesdays became my weigh in day. But that said, I have been going back-and-forth between Saturday and Wednesday for my official weigh-in day.  I kind of like the idea of being really good through the week weighing myself on Saturday morning and then having my cheat day on Saturday. (And I will discuss cheat days in a few minutes)I am still undecided, maybe I’ll just do both. But as I write it makes me go back to ponder the daily weigh-ins. I weighed in officially on Wednesday and found that I lost 3.2 pounds. The weekly weigh-in this week was nice because I saw that huge chunk of weight fall off. I can’t deny that I really like that. But I also like the daily accountability from daily weigh in. What a quandary. For now, because of the location of the scales it will probably remain once or twice a week. But when I move I’ll be having to ponder and come up with my answer of how often to weigh myself.

Cheat days. Years ago I used to do a cheat day/cheat meal. It worked for me. That was the day that I had pizza, not just one slice but as much as I wanted. That was the day that I had comfort foods that were high fat and high calorie. I really didn’t do desserts on that day, I never did desserts!!!  And typically my calorie content was still low. I am re-instituting the cheat day concept. The sweet treats are withheld for a cheat day. Jason and I both talked recently about how much the sweet treats had crept back into our life and we both agreed that we didn’t want to be totally anal about what we ate. So we are allowing ourselves to indulge that sweet tooth on the weekend. Thus the reemergence of a cheat day. It apparently worked last weekend… On Saturday I ate at Arby’s for lunch (downgraded my fries to a small), we had pizza and wings for dinner, and we each had a Cinnabon for dessert. That is not exactly a low caloric day. Yet I showed A loss!!!  Even better I don’t feel deprived. By allowing myself to have the sweet treat every once in a while (weekly), I can hopefully avoid the monster that I created when I never allowed myself to have any sweet goodness in my diet. What happened? I made my lifetime weight watcher goal went on vacation and allowed myself a sweet indulgence, it was wedding cake    and a good friend’s wedding. Who wouldn’t have indulged???  But that one piece a cake turned into donuts the next day, which turned into a cinnamon roll the following day which turned into cake, and a significant weight gain when I return from vacation. So my theory for now  is no deprivation… If I’m not depriving myself then theoretically I won’t lose control when I have my first bite after a long period of none!!!

My stair walking...I work on the 8th floor.  It takes me less then 5 minutes to climb all the flights.  I currently make it to about the fourth floor before I am starting to breath heavily.    The plan is to add floors..when I can make it to my floor without being out of breath, I will add flights..climb further and then walk back down to the floors I work on and have access to.  Currently I am doing it on my two breaks...but have definitely figured that eventually I can and will add morning arrival and lunch break climbs.  (Right now my legs are jelly after the second climb...so when that starts to ease I will add another climb!). Especially in the winter when outdoor walks are limited due to weather.  Maybe soon this elevator picture will be a thing of the past when I only take the steps!

I’m not tracking my food...and I waffle back and forth on the need to do so.   Thus far I’m just lowering portion sizes (for example small fries at Arby’s versus the large ) , trying to listen more to my body and what it needs and plain and simple just trying to eat ‘normally’.   So is the little voice that says to track just a leftover from years of having it beat into my head to track my food?  Or is it really necessary?  Right now it’s working for me to not track...but I know eventually I’ll have to make a decision!!!  And I know this is a huge departure for me to even contemplate losing weight and not tracking...I’ve babbled about tracking my food for years...hundreds of posts!!!   But that was then...this is now!!!

And that is my final word for the day...and maybe the theme for this whole post.  That was then...this is now.   What used to work may no longer be the best option for me in the here and now. Furthermore the past is the past.  Lamenting about my failures and the regained weight is not helping anything.  Adjust, adapt and move forward!!!

Slow as molasses

The weight comes on so fast!   Seriously...way fast!   But it doesn’t come off quite as fast.  It is infuriating!!!!  Utterly infuriating!!!!  If I can gain 5-10 pounds in a week why can’t I lose 5-10 pounds in a week???

I was 247 at the beginning of the year....the first weigh in of the new year.   I was sitting at 245 on Saturday and 245.4 this morning (Chinese last night = lots of sodium = water retention so I’m not worried about the .4 difference).   So I have made some progress...but seriously I want it to go off as fast as it came on!     

So I guess lots of water for me today to flush out that sodium laden meal!  (Speaking of water...I’m not where I want to be with water consumption and I’m adding flavor packs to some of my bottles.....but there has been no diet soda ..or any soda yet in 2018!)

Last week I kept my word.  On my breaks I rode the elevator down to the lobby...used the bathroom and then walked up the stairs to the floor I work on.    The first days I was breathing like a freight train after a few floors...and my lungs felt like they were going to explode by the time I got to my floor.  I kept going though...every day...every 15 minute break I climbed the steps!   My legs ache...I still breathe heavily...but I can see small changes in how I’m breathing and feeling when I get to the top of my climb...and I’m seeing that my breathing remains normal for higher in the building each time I do it!   I tell myself that this is good and will carry me well with hiking...it’s gotta help for those mountains and hilly trails!  

So yes I started my Monday of this week with a couple climbs on my breaks and I plan on continuing all week long!! And the weather is supposed to be in the 40’s today so I am hoping to walk around the lake on my lunch break!!  At least that’s my hope!!!   

So nothing fast and furious...but I’m still working toward making progress...albeit sloooooowly.

13 year blogiversary

Happy blogiversary!!!   12 Years! How crazy is that????  What a journey this has been!  I have definitely had some highs and I’ve definitely hit some lows!!!

Surprisingly this last year was not the year with the least amount of posts...but that brings me to some simple observations!

The year with the most posts:   2008

The year where I reached my weight watcher goal: 2008

The year with my least posts: 2012 followed closely by 2011 and then 2017

When did I gain weight:  2011 was the first small gain 2017 was the second

Hmmmm is there a correlation???  

Some lessons I’ve learned along the way....and by no means is this a comprehensive list.....there are way too many to post!!  And the list is in no particular order.

1.  Lose weight for yourself!  That is the only way to lose AND maintain the loss.

2.  Learn to love yourself....it doesn’t matter if you are 300 pounds or 100 pounds, love yourself for the awesome individual that you are!

3.  Find a partner in life that loves you in spite of your weight!  Someone that wants you to be healthy for your health but could care less if you have some fat rolls, or if the scales show some higher numbers!

4.  Deprivation of all ‘fun foods’ may be necessary at times in life, but in the long run will only lead to disaster because eventually you will cave and you will be sitting there shoveling junk food in like you’ve been starving for a lifetime.

5.  Your taste buds really do change and the healthier nutritious foods really do taste better....conversely when you start eating junk again they change back and you no longer crave the healthy stuff!

6. No matter how healthy you may be at any given time..the old habits are still buried deep and you will show up if you don’t keep up your gaurd. 

7. Exercise really isn’t the devil reincarnated!!  

8.  Find the activity you like doing and stick with it.  If it’s running...run.  If it’s Zumba...then Zumba.  Do what you enjoy...even if you only enjoy it sometimes because it’s a social hour (yes Zumba was a social hour....or rather pre Zumba and post Zumba times were a social hour for me)

9.  Start now....if you say ‘tomorrow’, tomorrow may never come!

10.  Start now....waiting until a certain time just gives permission to eat like a hog-head for the days leading up to the magical start date...and then you have a bigger hole to dig yourself out of!!!

11.   Don’t force yourself to eat a food you hate just because it’s ‘healthy’

12.  Reward yourself for your progress!  A lot of work goes into creating a healthy version of yourself!

13.  Food actually tastes better after you have ‘worked for it’.   For example after a long hike I enjoy dinner so much more...earn your food!

14.  I am the only one responsible for what goes into my mouth!  No one has ever hog tied me to a chair and forced me to eat a donut!   They may offer me a donut (insert any tempting non nutritious food in for the word donut) but they have never forced me to eat it...I am 100% in control!

15.  Arthritis pain really does ease up with exercise!  Yes it seems odd that it hurts so bad and someone tells you to go out and exercise...how because it’s painful...but it really does work!

16.  My most proud accomplishments are the ones in which I have pushed though and completed what I set out to do.

17.  The blood sweat and tears that go into this journey?  Totally worth it!

And I’m here to say that year 13 is going to be spectacular!!!!

Well then...

So I had made my plans to be healthy come the new year....I made them a week or so before New Years...and vowed to start on day one.    So how did that plan work out for me ?

The last few days of 2017, I ate like a wild boar that hadn’t seen food in three years!   I’m telling you...It was bad!   Cakes, donuts, candy, cookies and pie!  It was ugly!  In my mind I kept saying ‘one last hurrah before the serious healthy stuff begins’.   And that was the mistake. I should have started immediately and not thrown my hands in the air and commenced with a foodapalooza!  Still not convinced it was bad?   I ate and ate and ate.  Each night I would feel stuffed...I would have slight stomach aches.  But I trucked on...remember I’m an addict...food is my addiction!   Every night got worse.   And then finally...I hit rock bottom.   New Year’s Eve...we ate dinner.  I wasn’t overly hungry when I came to dinner time...but I ate and it was delicious!  I finished dinner and I made the comment that I was stuffed...that I felt like I needed to go for a long walk or run or something!   Yet a half hour later I ate a huge piece of cake...and shortly after that a donut....and right around midnight I found myself eating tortilla chips!   Is it wrong that while I ate all this I kept saying ‘this is the end...healthy tomorrow!’   We went to bed at around 12:30 or 1.  I was ready to start the new year with healthy eating!

I woke up at 3am...my stomach was in knots!  I remembered the feeling well.  I used to have stomach aches constantly way back in the day...once I got my eating under control the constant stomach aches disappeared....but it was back.  A trip to the bathroom and then I curled up in a ball and slept until 5....a trip to the bathroom and then some more sleep!  I was miserable until about 2 or 3 in the afternoon!  I know my body just had had enough of the gorge of food!!!

Maybe I had to hit rock bottom to see the light and finally be ready to roll into the new year and to form (re-form) the healthy habits!

So day one was an incredible success in terms of eating.   January first i couldn’t even think about food until about 8 PM...and I had a light sandwich!  

Yesterday January 2...I didn’t do too bad.  Not perfect but I’m happy with my choices and how I managed my food!  Even better...on my breaks I rode the elevator down to the lobby and I carted myself back up all the flights of stairs on foot!  It’s not a lot of exercise...but 8 flights of stairs twice a day is better than riding the elevator!!  I’m sticking with the 8 flights twice a day for a while.  I am seriously out of breath after the 8 flights.   When that gets easy I will add more floors just keep goinbg up and then walk back down until my whole break is steps!  And right now I’m leaving my lunch mostly intact.  As it gets easier I believe I may throw in the steps on my lunch...but right now I’m just proud to have done the steps twice!!  (The steps should hopefully help when we get back to hiking heavy...as soon as the weather breaks!)

Now I head into day three....I’m sure I will rock this day!!!    

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!!!    

This past year.....wow.  It was a year filled with incredible happiness and a year filled with absolute and utter sadness.  One extreme to the other, for sure!

I enjoyed a second year with Jason...and that is the happiness, peace and joy.  

The first part of the year we were super active...but then we each changed jobs and our time for active pursuits was seriously diminished.  But we still got out on the weekends.  

We did get bike rides in.....

We got some hiking in.....

We made it to the ocean a few times..

We spent as much time together as humanly possible within the confines of work and life responsibilities.

We are happy and still moving forward in our relationship. (The first change...we are looking for an apartment to share closer to our respective jobs....currently my commute on normal days is 1.5 to 2 hours each way)

The sadness...yes I lost my father. 

And that is where my weight loss/maintenance went to hell in a hand basket. I let my addictions free and started eating like crazy...

For the first part of 2017, I maintained my weight...but from summer to late fall I somehow managed to slowly start losing.  It was a slow slow slide, but the numbers were going down.   Hey, I’ll take it, slow still  wins the race!!!

But then I lost control and within one week gained five pounds!   Right now, I’m hovering at 8-10 pounds higher.  

I’m miserable at my weight.  My body is screaming it’s protest in many ways!  

When I switched jobs my exercise went out window too...4 hours in my car a day did that in!!!  It’s hard to even contemplate going for a run when it’s pitch black outside and you are bone tired!  My 2017 miles in the year 2017....I was totally on track in August when I started my new job...but well, that went to pot!!  

So I guess it comes as no surprise that my New Years Resolutions center around healthy pursuits! And let me backtrack and talk abut resolutions.  There is no rule that says that you have to make a New Years resolution.   There is also no rule that says you have to wait u til New Years to start something like a new lifestyle.  If you have that mentality, then a New Years resolution is a bad thing for you....because you are losing 364 other days of the year for greatness!   For me New Years is just a time where I’m wrapping up a calendar year and facing a new calendar year.  It’s the perfect time to reflect upon where I was...where I am...where I’m going.   The rest of the world calls it New Years resolutions....so guess what?  I’m going to just call my re-evaluation a New Years resolution!!!

So what are they????    

Lose Weight, be Healthy, be happy!!

Nothing with direct numbers attached...no ‘I will weigh such and such’ or ‘lost so many pounds’.   Very loose goals and ambitions.  But the healthy and happy should be every day of our life goals!!!  As for lose weight/maintain a healthy weight, honestly, if I’m healthy happy, the weight should correct itself!

Plans to achieve my resolutions:

1. Blog more...it helps me stay tuned in and focused!

2. Weigh daily/at least weekly 

3.  Exercise ....this should get easier after Jason and I move!  However in the meantime I can at least be active...I can walk up and down the steps in my work building...there are 14 floors. (Since I’m a wimp and it’s kinda cold outside and that keeps me from walking on my breaks!!). I have that stair stepper thing at home too.  And I have tons of videos!

4.  Reign in the eating...that might mean tracking my food again.   The freedom from constantly entering my food has been nice...but I think right now I may need it!  (And notice tracking is not a resolution...because I would actually prefer to try to get back to the point where I don’t have to track!)

And the crazy thing???  Im actually excited about the changes I’m making and the end result!!!!

Stay tuned

Merry Christmas...a few days late!!

We interrupt the radio silence to announce that while things  have NOT been good in the healthy lifestyle department, that I’m still alive...I’m still here...and I’m planning my comeback!!

Yes it’s been a rough month...and my weight and body are feeling the affects!

So give me a few days to plot and scheme and then I’ll be here with bells on!!!!

In the meantime I give you a sheep and her babies...and yes the one was hopping and frolicking all around!!!

A week from.....

There may have been a day...or two where I ate donuts for breakfast...donuts for lunch and then finished the day with a donut or two for dinner.    There may have been cake.....and ice cream...and Reece’s cups.  There may have been indiscriminate eating.   Oh and then there was thanksgiving.

Yeah for the last week...to week and a half my eating has been horrible!!!   Absolutely horrible!   Jason and I have vowed that come Monday we are cleaning up our act!!!

Why wait until Monday?  Well really no VALID reason because there really is no time like now.  But that said....Monday!

I’m an addict.  And this week I have just thrown up my hands and said to hell with trying to beat the addiction.....it wasn’t important and I didn’t care.   

So instead of beating around the bush and trying to ignore what I don’t want to write....

Yes...that’s my dad.  Yes....you read the caption on the picture right.   So I guess I have a good enough reason as to why I took a break from caring about what I eat.

The sweet treat monster

I am still holding steady with my weight. In the last week I have had some sweet treats but I have managed to get it a bit more under control. What does that mean? That means that the bad habit of having candy, cookies, ice cream, or cake every day is past. That is not to say that I haven’t had any kind of sweet treat. I did have a Reesie‘s cup on Tuesday night. And I would like to add that it was the normal size not the king size. And last weekend I did have a cookie and some ice cream. I am not naïve enough to think that I have conquered the sweet treat monster. But this past week I’m happy with my efforts.

I have managed to walk on my lunch breaks every day but one this week. And the only reason I didn’t walk that day was because I was just darn Tootin’ hungry! So I spend my time that day  buying lunch. I even walked on the day that it was pouring down rain. It was cold that day also! How did I manage to walk? I walked to the top of the parking garage and then to the bottom of the parking garage and then back up. My favorite part that day was  when I was close to the edge where I could see out and get some fresh air. I even paused to snap a picture of the rainy day from the parking garage.


It is getting cold, And I am not sure how long I will last with walking outside. I have a plan! My plan walk down the steps walk up the steps. I have to time in to see how long climbing The stairs text me. And then I can judge how far I walk on my break and lunch. Like I said, that is my plan… I make no promises! Reading during my lunch break is very tempting.

Jason’s foot seems to be doing well after a long stretch of pain and various issues. So with The cooler weather, hopefully we can get some hiking in. On the warmer weekends I’m sure we will be biking still.   Admittedly lately we have been lazy on our weekends of late!

Nothing new to report in the weight-loss world. I have had no major ephiphanies. I have not tracked a single bite of food. Other than my lunchtime walks and my break walks, exercise has been a no go. That does not mean that I do not think about losing weight a lot. I Think about it all the time. I want to be fit. I want to be thin. I want to be healthy. I don’t know what to do to change where I’m at. I know this sounds like an excuse, but my work week is so tiring that I honestly don’t have the energy to put into the effort. And that is a shame, because I am talking about my life, my future and my health.

This upcoming week I have a day off of work. I have my annual physical with my family doctor my annual physical with my gynecologist and a dentist appointment along with all the accompanying appointment for blood work and a mammogram. I am crossing my fingers that my health is still showing no negative effects from my continued excess weight.  Maybe that will be the catalyst to get me back in full gear!!!!

Grounded

So I’m going to start today with an analogy. Going to think about weight loss in relation to an airflight. The planning stages are like the preflight checklist. Starting the plan is like take off. Starting to lose and getting in the groove is flying at altitude. So on and so forth.

Well the other day when I wrote about my plans that with my preflight checklist. And I, as the pilot, must’ve fallen asleep and I never took off. Oh yes, the last week has not been good. Cinnabon, delicious doughnut, pumpkin muffins, brownies, and a whole lot more, have entered my life. it’s not been pretty! (Pretty tasty but not pretty!

Exercise well that’s still in the planning stages… OK let’s be honest I just haven’t started! It is hard enough to get out of bed when I do much less wake up even earlier to exercise!  This morning I was the walking zombie I was dragging so bad when I got out of bed...and it’s on Tuesday!!!

My weight this morning was not pretty, my low weight from last week is history. Luckily, I am not back to my  weight that my body seemed to like for months on end.

My only saving grace is that I typically eat fruit at lunch while I walk. However I do worry about my lunchtime walks as the weather gets colder.

My lunchtime walk on Friday should be labeled freaky Friday. I saw three different groups of people doing full on Photo shoot with props and everything… Using their cell phone cameras. OK so that’s not too freaky just kind of humorous to go to the great length of having props and going all out but not have a good quality camera. Next I saw an old guy laying in the grass. That in it self is not too odd. What makes it crazy is the fact that it was 50° and he was only wearing a pair of skimpy shorts. Now let me also add that he was an old geezer, think saggy old wrinkles all over his body. I’m right ....freaky Friday! And last but not least some foreign dude was sitting under a tree by the path with his cell phone in his hand and in his other hand he had this huge microphone… Bigger than his head sized microphone. And he was singing in a foreign language into his microphone which was attached by a cord to his phone.  I don’t know if he was recording or just singing or on the phone with somebody who knows I just picked up the pace and kept walking. Freaky Friday!

Back to the sweet treats that I have been over indulging in. Today I feel positively sick from the suite. So I’m on track today… My body is demanding it today! If only I can make my head remember what my body is telling me right now. If I could figure out how to do that though I would be rich because that is the age old question to weight loss.

It was rainy this weekend and Jason‘s foot is still recovering, so we took it easy and relaxed a lot. We saw the movie Jigsaw,  did a little shopping, and had fun watching Mertz get jacked up on catnip and then play with her.

Skin of my teeth

I need to say that I wrote this post on Monday....oops I forgot to post!!!   Updates are in red!!

And I’m hanging on… By my teeth. Right now I’m not losing and I’m not really gaining. Well on my official weekly weigh in I lost 3.2 pounds....go figure!!! I just feel like I’m in no mans land. I feel like I’m spinning my wheels and I don’t have the energy the time or anything that I need in order to get where I want to go. I know I’ve talked about the issues before so I’m not going to going to detail. I’m just going to say time is at a premium in my life right now and I don’t have a lot of it to spare.

The other weekend we stopped and got the most wonderful delicious donuts. I swear each one weighed a pound, I kid you not. I managed to maintain my weight for the next weigh in. Yes I was surprised considering I ate two of these huge donuts. But another problem came up shortly after that weekend.

I’ve talked about it on here for over the years. At certain points in my weight journey my stomach rubs the buttons and the waistband on my pants and it gets rubbed raw. Well not exactly raw  it just gets a really sore and looks painful. It is painful. Over the years I just learned to get big Band-Aids and cover the spot while I’m in that weight range / body shape timeframe. So after the donut weekend, a.k.a. last week; this happened. On Thursday I pulled out the big Band-Aids and plopped one on my skin. On Friday morning as  I took a shower I noticed the Band-Aid was still there so I ripped it off. And I ripped a nice size patch of my skin off. Can I say ouch? I bandaged it and went on to work and  had dealt with it. But let me tell you that’s motivation! What’s bigger motivation? Having to explain to your boyfriend who you love with all your heart that you’re fat rubs and causes wounds!  Embarrassing!!!

So here I sit bandaged up, carefully. And I’m tired of being this weight.  It’s got a change. For more reasons than what I just talked about also. I want to be healthy and hike. I want to be healthy and be able to ride my bike for longer periods. I want to be healthy and live a long time with Jason.  I want to live my life to the fullest.

I’ve come up with some ideas. Number one involves Siri on my phone. I am dictating my blog post while I drive home today. In this way I will only have to read it over and edit it when I get home. I know for me that writing in this blog has a way of keeping me accountable and honest with myself. This is the way that I might be able to continue with this activity that has helped me so much in the past. I don’t know if or when or how often I will be able to read other people‘s blogs but I’m gonna try to pop on when I can.

Accountability with friends.  I email Julie weekly!  And anyone else who wants accountability!!!

Exercise… This is a biggie! I have been walking at work on my lunches..... but during the week, that’s about it!! I actually miss running! But right now it’s pitch black when I leave for work and it’s dusk or later  when I’m getting home. In a perfect world I would be able to wake up an hour earlier and go running then… I however do not feel safe running by myself in the dark at 4 AM in the morning. I had already given up my gym membership and since we plan on moving sometime soon I don’t want to pick up another membership in the town I currently live in. My plan that I’ve been thinking about is to pull out the exercise videos/DVDs that I have stored away. When I was first losing my weight, way back  at the beginning of this blog I actually did quite a few exercise videos. Ideally I would like to do then at night but realistically I know that by the time I see Jason and eat dinner that I’m exhausted. So that means if I can’t start forcing myself to do it in the evenings I will be waking up an hour earlier in the morning… OK at least a half an hour. Yep this has not segued into real life yet...it’s just a glimmer of an idea!

As for the food… Those sweet treats have crept in. The thing that saving me is I typically eat at serving or two of fruit for lunch while I walk around the lake at work so my lunches are really healthy and that is negating the ice cream and or cake and or cookies and or candy that I eat.  What can I say other then the sweet treats have to go! I’m not even going to say 100% gone they just need to be severely limited. But boy was that Cinnabon good tonight!!!

It’s not the best options but it’s what I have to work with right now.

Jason and I are still doing well. We are planning to move closer to our work, which will ease up some of the time constraints. OK it will mostly take away the time issues. We have actually also talked about the food and we are both excited about eating at home and making healthy meals. (he actually eats healthier than me typically so I will be fine.)

Our weekends are fun. We have been getting a bike rides in most weekends and we both are looking forward to getting back to hiking now that the weather is cooling down.

Hold them...fold them..or walk away

Early this year I accepted a challenge to propel myself 2017 miles in the year 2017.  I was pushing  myself and actually was doing well...making mad miles in spring and summer.  And then well...it all went to hell in a hand basket!  I was right on target in July (ok within 25 miles of being right on target).    And that is when I fell apart!   No where close in August.  No where close in September!    But I am proud to say that while I was no where close....I wasn’t too far off either!!! 

In August I still managed to knock out 127.02 miles....  and in September I managed 124.77 miles.    Right now my yearly deficit is 117.23.     

I have toyed with throwing the folder with my stats into the garbage. 

But I hesitate because I don’t want to quit!   I am averaging about 2-3 miles a day.   I need 5-6 a day!    A nice long bike ride on the weekend helps elevate those numbers but it’s a long shot!  So for now I continue to half heartedly enter my numbers.  

We had a wonderful weekend....they are all wonderful and  the time together is so precious to me (to us)!  

We visited an old 1818 prison.....

And went to see the movie It.     And of course just spent time together.   Another fabulous weekend.

Now back to work!!!  And the count down to next weekend had begun!   

The plans for this week?  I’m going to restart the Matcha tea/ beet juice regime and see how that goes.   I’m going to walk as much as I can on my breaks and lunch (I have a rainy day plan....my building had a parking garage connected....walk through the garage to another building...up and down steps...around the garage...anything I can think of!!!  That’s the plan!!!)

It is what it is

I'm not making huge strides but I am holding my own at the slightly lower weight.   So that's a victory!    

I need to lose though!  My breakfast is light (ok ignore the pop tart that I had this morning..that's not normal) and t lunches are really healthy.   It really is my dinners that are sinking me.   And maybe not even my dinners so much.  It's the desserts that I have each night.   (Most nights!!!). If I can clean that up I could probably see results!!   

 I also know that my current 13 plus hour day is hindering me in eating healthy...in exercise...in everything.    There are some changes coming, but until then I just need to hold on!!!  

Surprisingly, I find myself driving through the neighborhoods where I have run for the last few years and I find myself super nalstalgic!   I actually really miss running! I know...shocks me too!!!!   Hopefully someday soon I can get back to that!!!

My work weeks are simply that...work eat and sleep...with a quick kiss and a hug from Jason each evening. (Like we see each other for 15 minutes or so.....and I wouldn't give up those 15 minutes for anything!!).   The weekends we spend together...and they are going well.  We have been riding a lot lately!

But with the projected cooler weather for this weekend (high of 70) we are talking about going hiking instead!!!!!   So I am somewhat active on the weekends at least!

Well then

My weight.....holding relatively steady.    It's not the lowest I saw from last week.  But it's not up where I have been stuck at for months!   So that's good!    

I've had three people tell me that it looks like I'm losing weight.   Desiree my coworker (and walking buddy), Jason who says he sees it in my face and my mom (mom's don't count though!!).   I don't see that the few pounds make that much difference but we shall go with it 

I'm enjoying the tracking free existence.  But I honestly do remain somewhat cognizant about what I'm eating.   And I try to eat mostly fruits and veggies at work!  I'm enjoying it so much that I signed up for some program (Rally) that helps with attaining health goals. And when one of the challenges was to track...I couldn't even bring myself to do it for the four weeks!!!     The Rally thing...it's through work and earns health care spending money that's out on a Visa card for me to use....very much like a healthcare spending account.  So heck yeah I'll do it!!!   But from what I see you also earn coins for your good healthy habits....and with those coins you can buy things  in an auction style format or you can use them to enter sweepstakes.   So rewards available in two formats for me.

So a simple picture from where we rode last weekend!

And RIP to my cat Ethel she was 17.5 years old.

150 calorie meal!!!

I have found a 150 calorie meal!!!   

Yeah I cracked up when I saw that on tv!!!

My weight is still dropping...slowly and steadily.  I'm not sure how or why but I'm rolling with it!

Why am I not sure????   My eating?   For breakfast I have been doing two slices of toast....or a breakfast belvita bar (or the Aldi brand version which are just as good and a fraction of the price!).   For lunch it's been 1-2 pieces of fruit while walking, and usually some pretzels or a granola bar (granola bars from Aldi's are good too!).  Dinner....had been whatever I want, and not at all caloric minded.  Seriously...a half of pizza and a half the next night.   One night I followed the pizza with some hostess mini donuts....  last night I had a half cold cut sub a bag (serving size three...oops) of cheese puffs, and some dessert (small piece of cake and this peanut butter crunch fluff stuff).  Oh and I had about 10-20 Reece's pieces at work!!  So no thought at all to eating healthy at night!!!

When I started seeing the weight come off I had this urge to attack my food.  Hello...it's been ingrained in me for so many years!   And honestly...I tracked for a day and a half! (Maybe just a day).   But I stopped again.  Tracking filled me with a sense of oppression!  I really debated long and hard about what I was doing.    And for now I'm going to ignore tracking.  The weight of doing it is bad for me right now....and something is obviously working without tracking!!!  Let's just  hope and pray it stays that way!!!!

The other change in my routine (other than work...) is that I caved and have begun to drink matcha tea in the morning.   Now let me backtrack and put it out there that I hate the taste of tea.   So I drink this stuff mixed with flavoring packs.....and I still cringe when I drink it.  But I promised to give it the hung ho go....and well...my weight is dropping.   There are reports that matcha helps boost metabolism and helps lose weight.  Hmmmmmmm. Maybe that's been the key!!!!!    I guess I will continue drinking this stuff for a while!!!!

Exercise....mainly weekend activities still.   But I have been walking on my two 15 minute breaks and my lunch break.  I've talked my coworker into adding steps to our walking routine, so we slip into the movie theater and walk up the double flight of stairs in the lobby on every break that we walk  (she complains...so I sometimes let her off the hook on the last break!).  I have also talked her into an activity for the next rainy day.   Ride the elevator to the lobby and climb up the steps to our floor!   Weee fun!   I'm not sure how long it will take us to climb up to our floor...so we will try it on our 30 minute lunch.....and if we lose steam on the way up?  The only floors we can exit onto are the floors where our badges give us entrance...the floors we work on.. or the lobby level..so if we make it half way and peter out, the only option is to keep going up or go back to the lobby.   My co-worker is desperately praying for sun!!!

 

Headway

I think I may be making headway!    Of late I have been dropping weight during the week...and then popping right back up there on the weekdays!    I figured this weekend would be no different....maybe even worse because after all it was a three day weekend!!!

Last Wednesday I was 236.4.   I was very happy with that because for months I've been stuck at 238.??  (It fluctuates but is always 238.somwthing).    I was determined to knock the weekend out of the water and maintain my 236 number and maybe even increase my weight loss. 

And then Friday happened....my co-worker and I walked on our lunch break...but instead of walking around the lake, we strolled through the shopping areas.  And we walked into the candy store.    Something called my name.

No, I didn't buy a Reece's cup pillow....but I bought some mini Reece's cups and some Reece's pieces.   I did share the cups with my coworkers and I only ate a few of the pieces (the rest are in my desk drawer!).  

It didn't get better from there.  I tried a chick-fil-a cookie,  I had Ben and Jerry's ice cream (hey we did at least split a pint), I had chips, I had mozzarella sticks, I had a subway cookie, I had more ice cream....and last night I had two Reece's cups!  It wasn't a stellar food weekend!

And I was HUNGRY all weekend...like headache level hungry!!!!

However, I guess I negated my eating with high level activity!

We went to Davis, West Virginia....

We rode bikes...

Most of the trails were a bit more technical than I was comfortable with at first.   (Obviously not the grassy area I took this picture on.).  I persevered though and I actually started to feel a bit more confident.  

And then......

Notice the tracks going off the boardwalk that went over a marshy area.   Yeah that's not a good sign.   Luckily I'm just a wee bit bruised and my wrist only hurts a wee bit (he wrist hurt worse but it's eased up!)

We saw some deer...

We went to Blackwater Falls and hiked a bit.

Saw lots of overlooks...

Gorgeous scenery....

History.....

And had lots and lots of fun together....

And on Tuesday morning my weight was still down at the lower weight of 236.0.    Oh my!!!!!!!

Dare I hope??????

Reflections

First of all let me say that my weight does seem to be dropping. Now let's not get too excited.   I haven't gone any lower than 2 pounds below that magic number.  (That stupid number on the scales that I have not been able to pry myself from.   And in fairnes righty now I drop down 2-3 pounds and then go back to that 'I'm stuck at' weight.  But the difference?  For months I would go two or three pounds (or more) over that weight and then drop back to that weight.  I never went under.   So I'm seeing the lower number more frequently. 

The weekends are my rough time now.   I am so busy at my job .and I've been walking with another gal during lunch breaks (it's good for me and for her it keeps her from going to her car to smoke...she is trying to stop...so a win win!!) and honestly, I haven't been overly hungry!!!   I guess I ate at my old job out of sheer boredom!!! So my work weeks are fine...my weekends are my downfall....we pick up fast food....yikes I know!!!   And I know that I could get the sandwich and forego the fries ...but I've lacked the will power!   And honestly...I could even get a salad but I don't!    

This week is different. I'm ordering and eating differently!!!!  Today is my official weigh in day and I showed down 2.4 pounds.  I want to keep that loss.  I'm NOT going back!!!!  

So I've not been exercising.  That's my lament. I miss running.  I know, crazy right?  But I just haven't figured out where to fit it in.   Jason tells me to give it time...as I settle in and relax and feel more comfortable with my job (and the knowledge that is still being pumped into my head doesn't exhaust me mentally which translates into physical lethargy) that I will figure it out. Plus I'm sure there are some more changes coming in the future that may make it easier!  But this has brought a few new thoughts into play.

One

The first time I lost the weight I wasn't heavy into exercise.   Yeah, I still rode my bike on occasion. Yeah,   I may have done an exercise video here and there.  But I wasn't hard core exercise.   It wasn't until I was looking at maintainance and then started regaining that I dove headfirst into exercise.  That gives me peace about my current 'just not working for me' status with exercise.   I know it's important.  I know I need it!  I know I want to do it.  But it's not a deal breaker in terms of success in this weight loss journey!

Two

Just a theory?  Was the running and heavier exercise making me me hungy and driving me toward more food and thereby counter acting my efforts?  I don't have an answer to this one.   But when I do figure this exercise thing out, I will be watching my intake of food and monitoring it more closely!!!  

Three

Let me start by saying that for years I've had feet problems (wow...like for over 30 years...dang I feel old!).  I refer to it as 'The Bone'.    (It actually looks like I have two ankles...and that lower bone is where the issues are...the bone and the tendons and ligaments around that bone).  Typically, I can deal with it and just have accepted foot pain as my friend and keep trucking.  But every once in a while they just plain and simple hurt...bad!  Very rarely did I have to turn around on a run and not complete the run because of The Bone.   Very rarely.....like maybe two or three times.  The Bone hadn't given me much grief in quite a few years.   In fact I almost completely stopped thinking about The Bone.    But within the last month or so The Bone has made its reappearance.   And boy does it hurt!   I wracked my brains to figure out why.  Is it due to a change in weather?  Is it some kind of weird your almost 45 but lets have a shift in your body....an adult growth spurt?   But then I realized the most likely cause.  Lack of exercise!!!!!  Well shucks!!!! Maybe the running was helping The Bone!!    I have no clue if that's it, but it certainly fits!

So onward and upward.   Making the best out of what I have and can do at this exact moment!!!

  

Exhausting

Learning a new job is exhausting!   My work week is me working...me seeing Jason for maybe 20-30 minutes.  Me coming home and grabbing a bite to eat.  Me staring vacantly at the wall until I fall asleep...which I'm embarrassed to say is usually by 9pm!!!!  Wash rinse repeat!

I don't work on my dollhouse, and I'm to the fun part in the kitchen .....putting in some of the wee little personal touches to make it seem real. (Trim work and cleaning up some things are still needed in this picture!)

Seriously....I bought a toaster last weekend (with two slices of bread!) and it's still in its original packaging....not in the kitchen!!!!!  That's tiredness!!!

Its tiredness that made me reach for my gearshift the other day to go from first to second and I started to pull the emergency break!  Hahaha. Yeah...mentally wiped out!!!

But the good news....this aspect of what I'm being trained on seems to be getting a bit easier.   So maybe.....

I keep saying I'm going to figure out exercise......still haven't figured that out.   I have been walking on my breaks and lunch.   The breaks really isn't much walking....by the time we take the elevator to the lobby and walk out of the building we are down to 10 minutes and then we have to return to our desks which takes 5 minutes.  But hey...we are moving!!!!!!   And we do walk at lunch!  Right now in training mode my lunches are the same time as the other new hire.   Eventually that will change but by then the walking habit will be well formed...hopefully.     I see one guy on my team head down the steps at the end of his shift....maybe I should start taking the steps down...and up!   I told my walking buddy that when it's raining or cold that we are going to do the steps!  She looked at me and said 'are you nuts?'  Little does she know that, yes...I probably am!!!

My eating...not perfect...not horrible.  Holding steady at my 'go to weight'   That weight I've been stuck at for ever!  

So nothing new to report.  Just hanging in and giving my body time to adjust to learning and yes the commute.  Yup...audio books are the way to go for a commute.  I actually look forward to the drive so that I can listen to the next couple chapters!  (Good books work!  I tried one book that was horrible and I hated it!!).  And yes...I'm wondering if I can talk Jason into listening to the next few chapters of the book I'm listening to while we are driving this weekend....seriously...the next chapter should be with the DNA tests results coming in and I wanna know what the results  are!!!!!!  But alas...6ish on Monday morning I'll be sipping my water , driving down the road and listening!!!  (Hmmm I should probably check out a new audio book too because I'm nearing the end of my current one!)

And my friend at work is telling me to drink infused water/detox stuff.   Water...lemon...apple cider vinegar...cucumber...ginger...and mint.   (Two bottles a day!)

Meanwhile Jason is telling me to drink Matcha Tea!   

I'll be floating if I do it all!!!!!

Placeholder

Just checking in.....writing a post as a placeholder to say that I'm not off the weight loss wagon.   But I'm not exactly on the wagon!   

I'm eating really healthy and good for breakfast and lunch.  Dinner is a bit rocky some days!

Exercise...non existent!

My weight.  Well, it's hanging in there.  My low low weight from last week was just a passing trend.   This week I've managed to be a pound lower than the weight that I've been stuck at.   So a victory because I'm lower than that weight...but sad because I'm not at the super low weight from last week.   

But like I said last week...life is catawompus and I'm not expecting anything to remain the same with my weight!

So what are my plans?????   Right now I'm just holding on tight.    I'm trying to get used to the commute and learn a new job.  But the biggest thing that I'm trying to work around is that I'm exhausted!  My alarm is only set for 30 minutes earlier than it's been set at for the last 10 years.  And honestly I was almost always awake by the earlier time anyway....so my sleep patterns shouldn't be all whacked out. But they are.  I've been awakening one to two hours before my alarm...wide awake and unable to go back to sleep (or if I do it's within the last 15 minutes before the alarm goes off!).   So then by 8PM I'm struggling to stay awake!   I fight sleep each night because seriously if I let myself sleep at 8PM 3:30-4AM will seem like sleeping in!!!!     So with my sleep patterns all messed up, On top of the stress and mental tiredness of learning a new job, on top of adjusting to a commute........yeah I'm just hanging on for dear life.

So it's 9:07PM and I suspect if I type too much longer that there will be nothing coherent (if even what I've already written is coherent at all)..so I will stop!!!!!