Reinforcement!

I know I know...two posts in 12 hours.  But seriously....this video and song is AMAZING!

It really puts it into a proper perspective that we do so much trying to get people to 'like us' but really what is important is what we think about ourselves!   (kinda appropos after my post last night....hmmmm , isn't it neat how sometimes lessons in life are reinforced!)   Any change needs to be for ME..because I like ME, not for anyone else!

The song and video is by Colbie Caillat and is titled TRY  

The lyrics for the song:

Oooh
Oooh

Put your make-up on
Get your nails done
Curl your hair
Run the extra mile
Keep it slim so they like you, do they like you?

Get your sexy on
Don't be shy, girl
Take it off
This is what you want, to belong, so they like you
Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to, give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
Yooou don't have to try

Oooh
Oooh

Get your shopping on, at the mall, max your credit cards
You don't have to choose, buy it all, so they like you
Do they like you?

Wait a second,
Why, should you care, what they think of you
When you're all alone, by yourself, do you like you?
Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to, give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to bend until you break
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
Yooou don't have to try

Oooh
Oooh

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to, give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
You don't have to try

Take your make-up off
Let your hair down
Take a breath
Look into the mirror, at yourself
Don't you like you?
Cause I like you

Worthwhile

Whew.....what a day!  I made plans for this afternoon and thusly I worked like a demon to get my work done this morning with as little to do when I returned as possible.

 I did laundry.  (the bane of my existence...and somehow the laundry basket is already filled again!.grrr)

I cleaned the house. (and seriously, how can we go out to eat for every meal the last few days and STILL create so many dishes)  And as if my husband and I aren't bad enough, we have cats and they seem to make messes!   No, we do not usually store toilet paper on the bedroom floor.  I don't know if Frawley was upset because we were gone all day or if he was just totally high on cat nip. (combination of the two)

Frawley is the black cat on the left and WinniFRED is the torte in the middle of the shot

 I made banana bread. (It's yummy, I'm sure....I haven't indulged)

I sanded and painted the really cool coal stove door that I found a few weeks back!!!!!  I'll probably have that done by tomorrow so that I can get it to my dad  (and/or brother) so they can build the frame I want in one of their workshops.

Just as I found it

Sanded and painted

 I cooked three meals today (egg and cheese sandwiches for breakfast....with sausage for Todd; blt's and a pasta salad for lunch......tomatoes from the garden of course;   sweet and spicy chicken and homemade scalloped potatoes for dinner)

 I prepped all the fruit and veggies that I got at the grocery store yesterday. (yup, come on now...if I don't do that when I buy it, or shortly thereafter, then it goes to waste...rots away, uneaten!)  Oh, bacon is divided and frozen into single serve as is the two different kinds of ice cream)

 I mowed.  (when, oh when will our riding lawn mower be returned to us. LOL)

I picked raspberries.

I helped paint the front deck.

And I took 3-4 hours out in the middle of the day to go see a friend  :-)

  Tomorrow is my day to rest.  No more yard work.  No made house cleaning.  Just normal everyday things. (OK, maybe some laundry too since somehow I ran through 3-4 different outfits of clothes today...as did Todd).  I'll get to that right after I run (yes, I'm planning to run early) and then walk (yes, tomorrow is my morning walk with Sherry).  

I have been thinking a lot about the history of my weight loss.   I lost weight for one main reason....I've known this reason for quite some time!  I had myself convinced that losing weight would be the 'solution to my woes'.  I lost a LOT of weight.  The problems didn't go away though.  So what happened?  I regained weight. I always thought that I regained because I just stopped caring, but the other day it hit me.  I regained it because in my sick twisted mind, I somehow got it back into my head that I lost too much weight and that is why it didn't work.  I regained that stinkin' weight because I thought maybe if I just regained a 'little' of the weight that it would do the trick. I was self sabotaging myself.  No wonder I didn't really give a fig.    So it boils down to this  The problem in question is NOT due to my weight.  The problem in question is NOT anything of my doing or my fault.   Losing weight doesn't fix it.  Gaining weight doesn't fix it.   The problem lies with someone else and I have absolutely no control over it.  

So where does that leave me?    It leaves me with finding the motivation within myself.  I need to focus on the reason for doing this.  That reason being ME.  I'm WORTH THIS!  I'm worth the sacrifice and the hardship!

Another cat picture to round out the post.......

My  two old cats beside me tonight....these old girls are m babies.   Ethel is on the left and Lucy is on the right.  I keep a stack of pillows beside me on the couch so that they can lay with me.  THey like to be close by, especially Lucy who has gone deaf.    I have no earthly clue what Ethel was doing...but she laid like that for at least a half hour.  Silly cats!

Don't look back!!!

Friday morning is my weigh in day. I woke up and took care of business (come on now, don't tell me that this is odd behavior...we all do it!)  and then stepped onto the scale  I soooo didn't want to do it.  Fourth of July weekend was rough on me.  Those two pieces of cake and all the high carb meals just KILLED my weight.   I had taken some sneak peaks and I was quite nervous.   I'm happy to say that the official damage was only 1 pound.  (On Monday it was looking like 5-6 pounds!).

I'm still bummed about wasting the week. That's a week where I could have gotten out of this weight loss hellish vortex!  But that wasn't to be.  So it's time to move on...no looking back.  

My week has been totally void of exercise.  I've totally give my ankle a rest.  It's feeling pretty good.  I didn't feel much (if any) of a twinge this morning.  Not enough to actually stop and notice it (or maybe I'm just getting used to the pain...ha ha ha) so I guess the rest worked.

I have decided that my lax workout routine is DONE.  Back at it this weekend.  I'm going to try to run one day....and Todd mentioned tennis.  Maybe a hike or two.    I've listened to my body and given it what it wanted.  Now it's time to move!

In the meantime...I'm going to suck down the rest of my Diet Pepsi.  :-)

I'll leave you with a picture of my cat Ethel...she had a rough day yesterday.  She got her head stuck in the handle of a bag.....and then got stuck in a blanket that I pulled without knowing...she took a tumble. She is getting up there and age and is quite frail and wobbly.  I love her to death though and I already worry about losing her!

Crossing my fingers

I wasn't that horrible with my eating over the holiday weekend.  Ok, so I did have two pieces of cake....but overall, my calories were not that stupendously crazy.  Yet I stepped on the scales and I was 5 pounds up.  Really?  5 pounds!   I decided to just sit back and drink my water and try to eat right and hope that it dropped quickly.    I stepped on the scales this morning....1 pound down.  So slowly.

However, I'm sitting here and I"m thinking...even if I manage to recoup my holiday weekend gain by my official weigh in day (friday) what a waste of a week.   Was the 2 pieces of cake worth it?   Were all the carbs worth it?

So my plan was to run today.

However, I've noticed in the last day or two that my ankle hurts...especially when I first wake up.  It's not a horrible pain, most just a twinge.  Last night it was really bothering me after I got home from zumba and this morning it was actually a little worse then recent mornings.  So, I'm being a good girl and resting it.  (ha ha ha....well, maybe I should switch the outfit I'm wearing to work....or at least the shoes I'm planning on wearing...ha ha ha...hey, I will kick off the shoes if it bothers me too much)

OH yes, I love my suede pink shoes!

I've got nothing else to say......I'm just refocused....trying not to kick myself for the setback (hopefully temporary!) in my weight loss.......but I have to say......this dang 5 pound fat vortex.  Seriously...what does a girl have to do to get past this 5 pounds?

MIA July 6

I just realized that I have been MIA this past week in terms of my blog and focus.  I am still really emotional.....just having difficulty shaking it this time around.  (Or maybe just something needs to change in my life......sadly most of the change is out of my control...I'm just on this roller coaster ride.)   I know that this upcoming week will be a bit more emotional for a variety of different reasons.  So I'm just going to hang on for the ride and carry a box of tissues with me.

Weight wise.  I was soooo excited because on Thursday it was looking like I was going to have a 2 pound loss.  And then on Friday...my 'official' weigh day....I only showed a loss of 6/10ths of a pound.  Oh well.

Friday and Saturday......holiday weekend.  Well.......I rode my bike for about 15 miles.  So that is good. 

 Eating...less than stellar.  Water consumption.....laughable.    My weight this morning.  Eiii Yiii Yiii.   I'm hoping it's water retention.  We won't even talk about it anymore.  I am planning a spot on day of eating (and a spot on week of eating this week)...and lots of water consumption.

I was watching a tv show the other day and a quote/sentiment stuck with me.  Weight loss is a huge mountain.  From the bottom it looks astronomical.   From the top the view is SWEET.   However, I'm half way up the hill of weight loss and stuck.   It's hard to see back down the hill to see where you've come from......but it's equally as difficult to see the top.  The easy route?   Slide back down that mountain and just accept the fact that I am fat.   The difficult route?   Push forward with the expectation that the view at the top will be grand, even though right now I can't see it through the 'trees'.

I've taken some time off from exercise.......(I only worked out three times this past week).   That's over  I've got to get back to being utterly serious and dedicated.  Exercise doesn't come easily....I have to force myself to do it.  But I like the results and how I feel when I'm done......I need to focus on that!!!!!

Pandora's Box July 2

So where to start?

I guess I will start with Monday.  I got home and had an hour or do until dinner needed to be on the table.  I putzed around prepping food and getting things ready.  I was/am still feeling saddened....and I started to think about food....and I was hungry.    A marshmallow wouldn't hurt right?   I opened the bag and voila, it was like opening the Pandora's box. The addiction...the sadness....the hunger overtook me and I literally said 'I'm going to binge and I don't really care".   Three to four marshmallows later.....followed by an individual bag of naked Cheetos (I have been buying the multi pack containers of individual bags for my husband...chips aren't my Achilles heel so no biggie...I hadn't had any of them)....and a cherry candy cane.  (Hey I bought a few boxes after Christmas for a few cents...every once on a while I have one!   One candy cane...not one box).  And I binged.   I are my dinner and I managed to 'choke down a half cup if ice  cream afterward too.   

Not proud and not happy....but I'm ok with it.   My binge could have been worse.  Much worse.   I think my binge was all of 350 calories.  So it could have been much worse!

Yesterday I got out and ran.   I enjoyed a new pair if running shoes.  Amazing to fel the traction on the shoes....we don't realize how much they are worn out until we put on a new pair. (Yes, I track my mileage...and I've actually been replacing at about 200 miles...they are pretty well worn in at that point....They say 350 miles is average....but remember I am still considered quite obese!)

It wasn't a good run.  The first mile was painful.  The second mile I cried and sobbed my way through...and the last one I gave up and walked. 

Hopefully today we can get outside and walk or ride! (Off work at noon!!)

What's with this?

I'm holding on.  My weekend I stayed spot on in terms of the calories.   However....my hooves were not the best. I could have done a LOT better in terms of fruits and veggies and water consumption!!!

On that note....I don't know what's up...but for the last 5 days or so I've been an emotional wreck.  I've cried about pretty much everything.  Seriously....I was purging extraneous stuff from my life (books....fiction). and actually started crying when the car was full of goodwill stuff forcing me to stop work until I could empty the car at the local goodwill (thus allowing me to fill the car again).   Yes I cried over something that stupid.  

It's been a struggle to not eat crazy with these emotions pouring through me.  But I've managed to do it. I don't know how...but I'm doing it.  Whatever is up with my emotions....it can go away any minute now!!!!

Ideas flowing freely

I was out running on Tuesday morning.  It was hot.  I was sweating up a storm.  But I’m glad I did it. I actually procrastinated doing it for quite some time.  Ohhhh, there was about two hours of delay tactics used to avoid this run.  Why yes, I do think my kitchen floor needs swept and scrubbed.  Important things you know!  But I eventually just said “DO IT”   I have places I want to go  (weight loss) and sitting on my butt was not going to get me there.  So out I went!

Now the craziest thing happens when I run.  My mind empties of a lot of the mundane stuff.  I stop thinking about what I’m cooking for dinner (and consequentially thinking about what I need to pull out of the freezer) or how high the grass is (thus requiring mowing) and about 50 gazillion other things that filter through my mind on a daily basis.

Today my thoughts turned toward my weight loss efforts.  I had recently looked at my weight loss and calculated up how many pounds I’ve lost overall.  (82.6 if anyone cares).   I started thinking about how I’m within spitting distance of 100 pounds lost!  I vowed right then and there on my run that I would NEVER have to celebrate the 100 pound gone mark again.  Of course those thoughts made me think of the celebrations I have had or want to have for weight loss progress!  When I lost my weight the first time I celebrated when I dipped under 200 pounds.  (which is 15 pounds lower than my 100 pounds lost goal).  In fact, I don’t even think I celebrated that milestone, it came and went with no fanfare.   SO on my run that morning I decided what I was going to do to celebrate.

I got home and immediately texted Anita, my zumba instructor.  I asked her if I could hijack a zumba class.   I would pay her a set fee for her evening.  Anyone that arrived like normal for a zumba class would not have to punch a card.  Anyone that shows up would be able to get in for free.  (well not free…paid for by me).   It would be my own personal party! And we are going to announce it to the world....announce it and invite everyone possible! (Strangers are welcome!)  J   She LOVES the idea and is simply waiting on me to reach that goal!

I ran the idea by some friends and they were on board!   PARTY AT ZUMBA!!!!!  (and yes, I’m thinking about some really healthy snacks to have!)

So I threw the idea out there.  I have people behind me....all eyes are looking at me as I lose this weight.  YIKES!   So Wednesday rolled around.  I ate breakfast and I knew what I was having for dinner. Therefore I knew exactly how many calories I would have to play around with come lunchtime.  I was off work and had planned lunch with a friend......we ended up eating at a wood fired oven joint.  (Fireworks Pizza in Leesburg, VA if anyone cares).   Oh hell, the pizza smelled HEAVENLY.  Ohhhh the aroma surrounded me like a good friend. I sat down and looked at the menu.  My friend ordered a pizza.  I sucked it up and ordered a meal portion salad.  Yes, I did.  

As I was leaving Leesburg, I made a comment that my participation in my evening zumba class was spotty....I could probably make it but that I was just thinking about skipping it.  My friend looked at me and said "Isn't this one of those times where you just tell yourself to suck it up and do it?"   I hung my head in shame (ok, maybe not really...I was using artistic license) and vowed to try to make it.  I hustled out of there and why yes...I made it!

Having this goal out there and having people looking at me, waiting for me to get there is thus far working to help me stay on track.  Hey....whatever it takes!

You know....it's not really that hard!

This spot on eating is....well.....it's actually getting easier.  It's kinda falling back into place.  Yeah, some days I'm looking at it and going......I need to drop something or change something to make this work.  But for the most part it's working pretty well. I've only been over that one day which was a choice due to the insane amount of activity.  Other than that I have been 'spot on'!!!    Five fruits and veggies a day really helps to fill up the belly but keep the calorie count low.  (and whadya know.....that's the recommended amount we should be eating anyway!).   Admittedly, I don't always make the 5.   Some days it's a little less some days it's a little more.

And the amazing thing?????  It's working.   Last week I dropped 2.5 pounds.  I'm tickled with that.  But I'm still in that 5 pound hellish range that I've been in for the last umpteen months.  (yeah yeah yeah yeah....I was at the very tip top of that 5 pound range the other week)    I will feel better when I acually get OUT of that 5 pound vortex and prove to myself and the world (Ha...like the world cares) that I have totally overcome it!

Have I made sacrifices the last week and a half?  Absolutely!   Has it been a huge issue?   NO.  I've been full and satisfied. My mind tells me I want something else.  But I find that I really don't need it and I'm just fine without it.   I will say this.....eating smaller portions...I am actually hungry by the time my next meal rolls around!  Sadly, this was NOT a common occurrence in recent months.

What is Normal

I've talked at normality so many times.  I've moaned about the fact that I want to be normal.  I don’t want to constantly be the girl that is watching her weight.  I want to live normally.  I want to eat normally!!!!  I want to eat like a normal human being!!!   I've come to terms with this desire so many times throughout my personal weight loss journey.  

I've written more than once about this.  I've written about how I noticed that a super thin gal I worked with who seemingly ate everything in site was actually eating 1 bite of something and calling her self satisfied….and she would save the rest and eat another bite the next day.   Yes, seriously?  She did that with cheesecake.  Me, I would have wanted two pieces of cheesecake….let alone one bite!

The first time I lost my weight I did it in my own personal style.   I did most of it via the weight watchers program.   I quickly figured out (at least at that time) that there were some ‘free foods’.  These were foods that were so low in calories and points that they didn't count toward your daily points.  Green beans anyone?   Would you like a serving of sauerkraut with that????  Yes, green beans and sauerkraut were freebies.  I ate the heck out of green beans and sauerkraut.  Oh yes I did.  Everyday in my lunchbox I ate green beans and sauerkraut.  They worked to fill me up and in that way the quantity of food I was eating was not affected.   It worked…..surprisingly well it worked!

OK, maybe it didn't work all that well……eventually I got sick of them.......for a while just saying green beans and/or sauerkraut made me want to hurl!  Yeah, I OD’d on them!

This time around, I’m taking a different approach.  I’m actually working on quantity.  Yes, I’m still supplementing my daily eating with low calorie foods.  But I’m also learning that a half sandwich can do the trick in place of a full sandwich.   The other morning for breakfast I made breakfast pizza.  Typically I would scarf down 2-3 pieces of this delightfully delicious food.  The other morning I had one piece and then rounded it out with a serving of applesauce (homemade of course).   When I was done did my mind tell me that I wanted another piece?   Of course it did.  Habits don’t just go away.   I just ignored the call of the pizza while I packed it up.  And guess what?  I survived just fine with just one piece.  Was I hungry by the time lunch rolled around?  Of course I was…..but that’s not a bad thing.

Normal…....I think I may be FINALLY understanding what normal is.  Normal is not eating rabbit food exclusively.  Normal is not eating one bite of food.  Normal is eating the foods that I like, but doing it in a way that STILL fits into my caloric count is the way to go.   It’s not rocket science.  I can still have the breakfast pizza….I just can’t have half of the darn pizza (at 313 calories a slice)….I can’t even really afford two pieces. (626 calories total…as that’s half of my days allotment).  But I can have one slice…that fits into my day quite nicely!!!!   I’m being normal! 

I put miles and miles on my legs last week.   I ran on my own.  I walked with Sherry.  I even got some walks in with Todd!   

Today, Sunday was a CRAZY day.   I woke up and headed out run.  It was the run for this months virtual 5k that I am participating in.  So far I've done every run!  YIPPEE!!!   Today was in 39 minutes.  

After my run, I sat down beside my car and pulled out my lunch box...or should I actually say my breakfast box?   I enjoyed my cantaloupe and some string cheese while I relaxed for about 15 minutes.

After my picnic breakfast I only had a few minutes to rest before Sherry arrived.  We walked just shy of 4.5 miles...and hit the HILLY section.   YIKES!

I got home shortly after 9 and Todd and I threw the bikes on the car and headed out!   Oh yes, we went biking!

Why yes, I was SOOO hungry by lunch time.    I actually didn't really go off the rails with my eating...but I didn't eat 'spot on'.    I decided to not sweat it at all.  I enjoyed my food.  I wasn't stuffed when I left the restaurant.  Furthermore, I had already burned MAD MAD calories and it was only lunch time!!!!!

After lunch we ran into one or two stores and then headed home.  I was already tired....and even told Todd that I could take a nap.  However, upon arriving home I jumped right into my afternoon.  

Mowing.....Push mowing!!!!!!   I didn't time it....exactly.  I know roundabout....it was about 3 hours....I only counted 2 hours in my exercise app.   

So the final calorie count for my earned activity calories?   3178.   I  actually ate over my self imposed 'spot on 1200-1300 budget' for the day.  NO worries.  I was only at 1900 calories for the day.    So even though it was over budget I'm going to call today's eating a victory!!!

I tried!!!

This morning I got up.  I knew that I planned to ride my road bike.  I was determined to do it!   My bike still scares me.   I know it hurt last year....and I know that simply changing a tire is STILL an elusive skill that I can't manage on my lite speed road bike (I can do my trek tires slick as a whistle).  So round about 8am I pulled out my bike.  I started to pump up the tires and ready my bike.  Hmmmm. Something just wasn't right....is my pump going bad or am I just stupid?   Seriously?   How difficult can it be???  (Apparently quite difficult).   Finally I deemed my bike ready.   I threw on my clothes, dumped some water in a water bottle (whih I promptly left on the kitchen table ....luckily didn't notice it's absence until my return home) and out the door I went.

I haven't been on my bike yet this year (bad MaryFran) so I took a bit of time to clip in and out once or twice before heading off.

Ahhhhhhh

The open air!  The breeze on my face!  The....what's that noise?  It was like a dull thud...but only when I was actively pedaling.  I slowed down.....chanting 'clips clipc clips' and safely came to a stop with one foot resting on the ground. My tires seemed to be fine. The bike seemed to be fine so I clipped in and off I went again.

Thud thud thud.  Ok not really even a thud...more like just a vibration...a feeling in the bike....something was not right. 

I slowed down, clipped out and stopped again.  Once again everything seemed fine...the tire felt a bit warm to the touch...but let's face it...it's hot outside so maybe that's not too uncommon. (Yes I know most people probably don't run around feeling for the temperature on their bike tires....I'm half nutty, I know it!!).  

At that point I KNEW that something was off kilter.   Could I have just not pumped the tire up the whole way (with my retarded pump/or user error)??   Could it have a slow leak (or fast leak?)???  Could there be another issue??  Hell could it all be in my head (pretty sure not)???   Regardless, I didn't want to get any further away from home...I tuned myself around and headed home.   So, I managed to take the shortest bike ride ever.   1.54 miles.  

I was totally bummed.  I am also disgusted with the fact that I'm letting my  bike get the best of me in regards to my fears.    And honestly, now that I'm at work I am slapping my forehead thinking 'why didn't I grab my trek and go out on the canal....duh!'

Good news....my lower back handled that 1.54 miles like a champ!   My hip/arse cheek pain did twinge but not enough to make me cry out in pain.    

So onward to different thigs......day three of eating.   I was 70 calories over the top end of my eating allowance.   Not exactly spot on.  But I'm ok with it.   I was active...so that's why I'm ok with it!!!

How active???   I ran early in the morning!   It was a brutal run!  My legs ached and it was hot!

Todd and I then went for a nice hike!! It was warm but not overly overbearing.      Sorry no picture!  

Then I went for another hike later in the afternoon.  The afternoon hike near about killed me!!!  It was hotter than hades!!!   It wasn't a long walk....but I found a door to an old coal stove that I carted home.   I'm debating different options ...a wall hanging...a out stool...ohhh lots of things.   It just spoke to me!!!!

Today at work I plan on organizing my stuff to take to the gal that will hopefully be illustrating my kids book.  Yes, I wrote this years ago as a lark but my artistic abilities in terms of drawing are slim to none.  So I am tickled to possibly get this book done.   Maybe published (self or otherwise)....but done.   Unfinished projects need to become completed projects...I'm tired of stuff hanging over my head!!!!

So I'm holding on.   I am utterly focused on my calorie intake.   I am taking sneak peaks at the scales (don't hate me...I'm an everyday weigher) and I'm anxious to see what the results will bee this week.   Or rather in anxious to see what the results will be at the end of two weeks.   Lately I can hold it together for one week hutc ace on week two.   And maybe...just maybe...if I am lucky I can reach July 11 and be back at the same weight I was last year.  (That is roughly 220 pounds....I was actually skirtig with 218 at the beginning of that week and on the morning of July 11 I was 210....but probably because of the case of flu I had been subjected to). So I'm gong with 220.   Long shot...considering last Friday I was 235...but I'm going to give it a gung  ho go!!!

Moving along!

So I'm on day two of my challenge.  I think it helps to look at this in a much smaller increment.  Like I said in yesterdays post...who can't do something for two weeks.  :-)

Surprisingly enough, I have been SUPER active the last few days...since I woke up Sunday morning that is 15.06 miles of walking and running.  Ohhh and that doesn't count the hours of push mowing that I did on Sunday afternoon!   My legs are just cranking out the miles!   Feels good!

This morning I saved a tiny turtle from possible demise on my walk.  (and this morning was a walk)  He was just lounging on the road.  I moved him to the grass.  Poor little tyke!

Allergy season has been around for a while.   In typical years my left eye (just my left eye....go figure) waters for a few days and then I'm OK.  Annoying but nothing major.  This year....it wouldn't let up.  It watered day after day after day.  And Sunday night when I went to bed my eye was SORE.  I assumed that like normal it would be fine in the morning...and get progressively worse.  However Monday morning arrived and my eye was SORE to the touch.  I didn't let it stop me...I went running.  I went to work and I caved.. The eye hurt....I had tears streaming from that eye.. my eye was swollen ....and it was goopy.  . went to the pharmacy and the pharmacist recommended a drop for my eye and I started taking Benedryl.  Today it's much better. Still a bit tender and a bit more 'wet' than normal...but over all much better!   Look close...you may see the goopy swollen eye!

My hip is still giving me grief....and into my butt cheek.  I guess I really am a pain in the ass!

Food wise....SPOT ON!   I kept it together yesterday...even though I was DYING for a snack last night!  I ignored that demon's call and did well!   Today I struggled between getting home from work and having dinner sitting on the table ready to eat.  I persevered!     Now if the scales just show my efforts (Yes, I'm taking sneak peaks...but my lips are sealed!)

Spot On

I walked with my friend this morning.  We had a long talk.  We talked about her kids and family and what is going on in her life.  We talked about everything going on in my life and where I'm at with everything going on in my life.    It was a walk with tears, laughter, jokes and utterly serious discussions  So in other words we had our normal walk/talk!

However, toward the end of the walk when we finally got to really discussing our weight loss issues, struggles and dreams is where the talk got REAL!    This friend has been hovering about 3 pounds from reaching her weight watchers goal weight.  She is like me....a life-timer that just needs to get back to her goal weight.  But she's been hovering above it for weeks now.   I pointed that out to her and she admitted that she had recently recognized her apathy toward it and drew the line in the sand.  She had cancelled her weight watchers monthly membership effective the end of this month.  We discussed it and both agreed that it was the right decision.   The conversation continued on and she said something.  "I don't really lose unless I'm spot on."  (or something like that.......hey, cut me some slack...it's bee 11 hours since then...and I'm getting old, my memory is not what it used to be...ha ha ha)   I quickly agreed.  You see, I haven't fallen off the rails in recent months.  I still eat pretty healthy.  I don't eat gazillions of calories. I'm not going nuts.  HOWEVER, I'm not eating spot on and for me, that is NOT enough to lose.
So thus was born my challenge...one which my friend quickly agreed upon.  For the next two weeks.  No long commitment.  NO forever.  Two measly weeks.  For the next two weeks, we will eat spot on each and everyday.  Starting on Monday June 16.  Every day...spot on eating. 1300 calories for me. Within her weight watcher points for her.  That's the way it is.....SPOT ON for two weeks.  Daily email reports for accountability....even if it is just as simple as "Hey....I did it....spot on for yesterday!"    Little does she know...I'm going to include my water intake too.

Bonfire yumminess from Saturday night bonfire

So eating is on spot....luckily we don't have any bonfire planned soon!!!!


Last night I was looking at old pictures with my youngest nephew.  He saw some old pictures of me.......his eyes got big (he was around but just very young) and his head whipped around to look at me and then back to the pictures.   I asked him "Do you know know who that is?"  He grinned and said "Well I THINK it's you...but...."   He stopped and I just grinned and said...I'm going to look like that again!

Those pictures made me really long for my weight to be lower.....I looked soooo different!

Here are recent pictures.  (Pardon the hair from today..I"m not sure what was up with that!)

Yeah, what the heck was with my hair?????  Is that wings?

Ahhh a hat...to hide my unruly hair!

And now.....lets look down memory lane!  And remind myself where I want to be!!

I thought I was still huge........size medium shirt.

My face just totally amazes me in this shot!!!!  (well, Todd's too...soooo glad he got rid of his 'grizzly Adams' facial hair!)

I'm getting there again.  I looked damn good!!!!!

An attack

I had my 'official' weekly weigh in.  My weight was up.  Could be natural fluctuation or it could be simply be the affects of vacation finally catching up on the scales.  Not sure...not gonna freak out about it.  Just going to focus!  

I know that my issues and the main reason that my weight is sitting still....or rather staying within the same 3-5 pound range is the fact that my eating is not spot on.  It is not off the cuff...but I'm just not where I need to be.  I know it.  I have to tighten that up!

My weekend flew by...of course.  They all do.  I worked on Saturday morning but flew into action after work.  I had some errands.  First up was Lowes to pick up some lumber to hopefully finish up some of our projects.  I then went to Sam's club where I picked up our vacation photobook.  Last up was groceries.  I rushed home to put everything away and immediately headed out for a walk with a friend on the canal.  I got home and Todd and I worked some on our backyard project and we had dinner.  A nice soak in the hot tub and our day was done.

Saturday started early with yet another trip to Lowes and breakfast out.  We got home and the work commenced.  I spackled a wall that I had plans to paint and then headed out to mow.  And that is where it went downhill. Shortly after starting  mowing (push mowing) I felt my sinus' start to drain and my body respond to the pollen in the air.  That was normal, so I kept mowing....and then I don't know what happened...but that stuff got REAL.

The affects of the pollen got intense and before I knew it I looked like I had gone through a field of tear gas.  I was gagging....dry heaving....snot was stringing from my nose and water was flowing from my eyes like I had lost my long lost friend.

Not a picture of me...but I am sure I looked as miserable..and I had snot stringing to the ground....yeah real pretty I know

 I was hunched over and shaking like a leaf by the time I got to the back of the house where Todd was working.  I called out for water (it took me a few times to get my message across to him because I was literally in pretty bad distress. )    I sat there for a while and got passed it.  I finished mowing....with two more 'attacks'.  Luckily the next two times I stopped immediately as soon as I felt the first inkling of 'badness' and I was never as bad as that first time.

Like I said, I managed to finish the mowing and I even managed to paint two walls in my kitchen.  Looks SOOO much better.  The only problem????   My sinus' are sooo messed up that my head feels like it's double it's size!!!! (and my eyes hurt....)  Kinda like this....

Oh well....tomorrow is a new day.  Planning to run in the am and zumba in the pm!!!

Steadily moving forward

BSo I micromanaged my time last night.  I planned my evening down to the second pretty much.  I also planned my morning today.   My first test came as a sat waiting for sherry to arrive to walk.  My phone rang and she informed that she was running late....REAL late.  I hesitated and I'm sure she thought I was upset (she thinks it's funny now that she knows what my hesitation was about). I hesitated because pushing our walk back and hour would severely disrupt my detailed plans for the night.  NO worries....I rolled with it.....I rushed home and started knocking things off of my list....pushing the 8PM activities to 6PM.  I rushed through everything that I could.  I ate my dinner (peanut butter and jelly sandwich) on the way back to the battlefield.  Seriously, I have to multi-task here so that I can feel halfway caught up!

 

This is not the second by second plan...but it's my scheduled activities through the weeks....

  

It worked.  I didn't have a lot of time left at the end of the day...and I have still have things that I wanted to get done that are still on my list...but I'm sitting pretty.   This morning...the same.  I actually overslept...but still managed to do everything on the list....well, I forgot to peel the potatoes for dinner tonight!  Minor issue!

I'm sitting in a better place now for the weekend.  The weekend will still be busy.  I have to mow (a few hours still...until we get our riding mower back), I still have some weeding to do, I will be helping Todd finish a few projects (he has I think 5 unfinished projects that I'm hoping that we can get done...ok, I'm hoping to finish the little things on 3 of the projects this weekend....).   I work this weekend.  I have tentative plans with a friend forSaturday afternoon.  I have concrete plans for walking on Sunday morning.  I have plans to go to hear the municipal band play with a picnic dinner before hand and cake and ice cream to celebrate a birthday afterward.  Ohhhh and I have a run that I'm scheduled to do...and hopefully a bike ride!  So I have lots to do.....

I managed to get my run in this morning!

And got umpteen loads of laundry folded (the load I took out as I was going to bed...the load I put in to dry as I was goign to bed.....and the load I dried while I was out running).  

Unfortunately, the last load I managed this morning is unfolded yet.....at least it's towels....but how could I interrupt such a pretty girl resting.  

Overwhelmed

Vacation was great.   I had a nice time.  We relaxed and more importantly, I stepped back from everything.  Some people may say I shouldn't have stepped back from exercise, but it just didn't work out.   We just ambled through the days (ok, some days were hectic and filled).  It was great.

Then reality hit and I returned to work.  And more importantly I returned to real life.  I worked until 6 each night....I did zumba step on Monday, I went to the gym with Shantel on Tuesday.  I did zumba step on Wednesday.  Each night I got home no earlier than 8...and I proceeded to make dinner.  I then cleaned up.  That doesn't give much time for much in my evenings.  I'm making plans...and I KNOW I need to run consistently to improve my time and succeed in my goals.  So there is three mornings a week.  I want to ride.....but when????   Seriously?  It's only been 5 days and already the laundry is piled up..and chores are stacking up around me.   Cat fur that has been shed  is padding under your feet right????   When am I to find the time?  How can I fit this all into my schedule.  How did I do it before??????   I'm overwhelmed and just feeling like I'm sinking!!!

At least I'm moving!  I have my timetonight, tomorrow morning andtomorrow evening micro managed on a schedule!  Tonight after work first up it's walking with Sherry!  Maybe if I micro manage my time for a bit I can get everything done!!!!

Food, fellowship and exercise...good times!

First day back from vacation.....what a killer!!!!  It went on SOOOOOOO long.  I just wanted to moan the whole day!  (Oh wait, I did moan about it!)

I stuck to my guns though....water only all day!  My calories were a bit over, but I'm OK with that.  My body totally got kicked off of my normal routine of meals and it was a rough adjustment yesterday to try to get myself back into line (I usually eat lunch at 2 on workdays....I work until 6....and go to zumba after work so dinner isn't until 8 at the earliest.....on vacation I ate lunch at 11 or 12.....BIG difference!)
After work I went to zumba.  Last night was zumba step.  Ho-lee cow....that class is tough under normal conditions.  The conditions yesterday was rough....a week with minimal exercise. A week with lots of heavier foods...lacking fruits and veggies.  My legs were HEAVY!  I didn't let that stop me though!  I plodded through the workout.

After the class I was standing there talking to some friends and somehow they ended up over at my house.  I made a frozen pizza (seriously, I almost always have a frozen pizza in my freezer.....it's a wonderful emergency meal!)....we shared some watermelon.....and some summer salad.  (the summer salad.......that is the bean salad in the pic below...and from my last blog post...

The salad is super easy to make.....quick, quite tasty, nutritional and relatively cheap! 

Yes, I served fine dining to my friends. Frozen pizza...paper plates....nothing but the best (but totally off the cuff...I wasn't planning on making dinner...I was just going to have a PB&J)

Then into the hot tub we went for a nice long soak of our abused muscles....and a long conversation!

Terri, Paula and Moi

Todd left us girls to our own devices........mostly!

So day one post vacation and I survived.  Day two has begun.  My food is planned...my exercise is planned.  Now to just stick to the plan!  I've got this!!!!!!

The end of the Vacation Trilogy

You know...vacation came.   But life continued on.  We got home on Thursday night.  I  spent quite a bit of time pouring over pictures.  I spent time updating my website where I chronicle neon signs.  Yeah yeah yeah, I am infatuated with neon and ghost signs.  

But life continued on and those normal duties that life throws at us had to be done.  Groceries had to be purchased. Laundry had to be washed.  The yard had to be mowed.  Yes, I did all of those things.  (Yes, push mowing...a few hours worth.... so that's good exercise at least!)    Todd spent the time working on the next step of this never ending backyard project.  This backyard project started as an 8x8 pad for a hot tub.....then that pad became 10x10 because it would be nice to have a little area to step on....that grew to 20 feet.   And when that sized patio was done we decided we didn't want the hot tub sitting on that patio...we liked the big area....so we built a 10x10 deck on to the edge of the patio.   Then we decided that the steps off of the old deck (one we put in ages ago...before the patio was even a twinkle in the eye) would take up too much space on the patio...so we decided to build a landing at the end of those steps and do a walkway around to the hot tub....that walkway turned into a deck walkway...and just today we finished that 'decking walkway'  which turned into another 10x10 extension....ha ha ha.   Next up flower box on the end of that extention.  (pardon the construction zone....and why yes....that was the chaise lounge I relaxed on while hubby worked today!!!  Hey, my work was done!!!!)

I'd like to say that the eating out and food-a-pa-looza ended when we got home...but it didn't.   We still ate out.  The good thing about my eating.....it wasn't snacky binge eating.  For the most part it was three square meals a day.  :-)    Here I am at one of our local chinese restaurants.  Hmmmm...wonder if that says Coke on the glass.

That said, I am SOOO ready to get back to healthy eating!!!   I have my food prepped!

 And I've already restarted the water consumption.  I'm tired of diet soda....which was primarily what I drank on vacation.  Water never tasted as good!

13 hours left and I'm ready to ROCK my healthy lifestyle.  PRoud that I didn't fall totally off the wagon....three square meals a day is healthy.  Limited desserts is healthy.  (And split with hubby at that).  I think I did a fair job!!!

Vacation Part Deux

I normally weigh in on Fridays.  However, I have decided to weigh in on Monday.  (My lack of water has been crazy.....so I'm hoping to rectify this now that I'm back home and before my Monday day of reckoning).

Back home?????   What????

Monday, Memorial day was a lazy day at home. We ran a few errands and spent some time at home.  I focused on laundry and packing.  Yes, packing.   But just a lot of relaxing!

Three days.......1200 miles.......4 museums.  I'm going to let the rest of this post speak through pictures!!!

The food....oh the food!

I was however inordinately proud of myself that I actually woke up early....dressed for a run and went out running!!!!!!  It was a fun run too...exploring a new town!

And Museums.....lots of fun museums!

Bethel, NY (the site of the Woodstock Music Festival)

                                 

Desilu Studios- Jamestown, NY

Lucille Balls Grave

Lucille Write Air Museum

Lucy Desi Museum

SOOO much Fun!