I am getting excited about the bike ride. Tomorrow I'll be able to start watching the forecasted weather via the 10 day forcast online. Pray pray pray for nice weather!!!

My weight had jumped up on Tuesday and was still high (went up a bit further) yesterday. Today it dropped a bit. WHEW! I am determined to get this weight off!!!!

Not much else here. I was at the gym yesterday and rode this morning...so I'm still as active as possible. :-)

The day after report

Had a great meal out. It is sometimes fun to go out dressed nicely. I had dressed up yesterday for work, in anticipation for going out to eat. When I got home from work, my husband was wearing his good clothes also. I ate yummy food at the restaurant. We did indulge in the chips and salsa on the table (I love really thin tortilla chips...and the salsa/dip at this place is incredible). Todd got a margarita, which I did take a couple of sips from...however I stuck to my water. We each got a papusa for an appetizer. And for my meal I got the Lomo Saltado. It is a beef dish which marks probably the 4th time I've had beef in the last 7 of 8 months. The dish was quite tasty. (more on the beef discovery later). Todd and I declined dessert at the restaurant and instead decided to go home and have our dessert. NO NO NO....that came out wrong, let me rephrase. We declined dessert at the restaurant and instead decided to go home and make mudslides at home. One of the main reasons...at home we can control the type of ice cream used. Because you can guarantee that if you get a mudslide out, that they are not using fat free or even low fat ice cream! :-) So we stopped at the store on the way home and I picked up some fat free ice cream and voila, we had a nice treat at home (with the addition of the vodka and Kahlua).

Beef. When I first gave it up I never really missed it...but occasionally I'd break ranks and eat a little beef. At first when I did eat it, it was like rapture. It would taste soooo good. But the longer I have gone without, when I do eat beef it has become less and less tasty when I do get it. My meal was great last night, the veggies and sauce and all that stuff in the lomo was really really good...but I found the meat to be lackluster. I can only wonder, is this normal?????

Sooooo, this morning I really debated....weigh or not? I know that I ate a little more food than I probably should have. But I did it knowingly and freely acknowledging that I may gain from that choice. So I stepped onto the scale this morning and...... 203.0. So yep, up about a pound and a half. I can handle that. Plus, is it possible to gain a pound and a half in one day? I don't really think so. The chips and the mudslide were what pushed me over my points...but were they really worth a pound and a half.....5250 calories????? No worries...I'm back on track today and it will go down! :-)

anniversary preparations

Happy Anniversary to me!!!! Wedding anniversary that is. Today is our 7 year wedding anniversary. This year we decided to stay at home and continue on with our normal routines and celebrate by going out to a nice dinner. We will be taking some time/days off of work later this month, so that will be our mini anniversary trip. SOOO this morning, I woke up, wished my husband happy anniversary and after a quick breakfast he was off to work. I started thinking and decided to hit up the gym as we are going out to eat tonight. That sentence doesn't make sense? Well, I knew that going out to eat tonight, I wouldn't have time to get a nice good exercise workout in tonight. But the biggest thought in my head was food. I'll be eating yummy food. (Todd and I have pretty much already decided that we would indulge and get some papusa as an appetizer...and of course they do put out chips and a dip). So if I eat yummy food, it seemed apropos to workout this morning and try to negate some of that food. :-)

My weight stayed exactly the same today. Crazy because I rode hard yesterday. But oh well...no worries. :-)

Sunday Update

Dropped again. Yessir-ee-bob. My weight dropped again this morning. Not much. And not that I expect huge drops each and everyday. But I do like to see the numbers slowly but surely go down!

This morning I headed out on my bike and rode for 21 miles. I was actually hoping to go longer, but I had to get back because my parents were going to be picking us up as we were going to lunch together. This long biking stuff really does take time out of a busy schedule! Yeah yeah yeah, I could have gone earlier, but earlier it was a heck of a lot colder! I rode most of the time by myself but then when I was at a predetermined point, I called home and Todd rode out and met me, so I had company for the last 2-3 miles. That was nice and made those last few miles...those miles that always seem to drag on endlessly, fly by!

Went to a little diner in the next small town over from where I live. (Betty's in Shepherdstown). The food was fabulous as always. I got a half of a turkey sub (no cheese...lots of veggies on it), applesauce and a side of green beans. Man, did that food ever taste good! Food tastes so much better after a good workout! I did splurge and eat about a third of a helping of bread pudding that had a whiskey sauce on it. Nope, not the healthiest thing, but I have the points for it today. Dinner tonight for me will be lots of fresh fruits and veggies. So even without really breaking into the AP's or flex points, I'll be ok on my pointage!

Water was not the wisest option yesterday!

Hmmm, I thought I wrote a post yesterday. I guess I didn't! Oops. Not that there is nothing new to report. I'm plugging along. I'm eating withing my food budget so I'm happy. I did see a jump on the scales yesterday morning. I knew there would be a jump even before I weighed myself. How did I know this? Was it because I ate like a demon the night before? NOPE, I had eaten really good the day before, however I woke up thirsty as all get out. When I wake up thirsty, it's not a good sign. (By the time we get thirsty, our bodies are already somewhat dehydrated). And that sign is usually a bit of a jump upward on the scales. I was right .6 of a pound up. It's all good.

So I endeavored to drink up yesterday. Well, at least that was the plan. I got to work and commenced drinking. And then the toilets started backing up. Now this is a on-going problem we have here. They back up, we call the plumber, they scratch their heads and just 'wonder' why in the world the lines are getting clogged up. They open the lines and they leave. 2-3 months later it happens again. SOOOOO yesterday this happened again. We called, they showed up at about 11:30 and commenced working. We lucked out and got a guy that actually was determined to find out why this is happening so consistently. He was here for 5 hours or so....and oh yeah, he found out. (The sewage line connecting our building to the city sewer lines is apparently gone.....corroded away.). They'll be back beginning of next week to determine where the pipe ends and where they need to dig...and then digging will commence (most likely in lane two of the drive through...haa haa haa). BUT, all of this to say that we had no bathrooms. We had to go elsewhere (like drive home...only 2.5 miles) So I put a halt to the water consumption. Well, not a halt, but I slowed it down! YIKES!

So today I'm back at work. (I won't even go into the bathroom restrictions that are placed upon us at this time.....eeeewwwwww). I'm going to work on my water and not worry too much, because I'll be going home in 4 hours.

Oh yeah, so with not drinking much water yesterday...my weight dropped 2/10ths of a pound. I'll take it!

Is it wrong of me to gather motivation from the fact that come this winter when the family member is babbling about how much weight they have lost through their surgery that I want to have a smokin' hot body so that I can know in my heart that I did it on my own. (woah...what a terrible run on sentence). Is that too prideful? Hmmm??? Well, even if it is...that is my motivation. I want to be able to sit at the holiday meal table smokin' hot...me with my svelte body and know that I did it on my own....without the risks associated with surgery! And know that I'm healthy! Yeah, that probably makes me a bad person. Oh well....that's me.

Got up this morning and made bagels. Well, I finished the bagels (I had actually made the dough and formed them yesterday...and then per the instructions left them in the fridge overnight). Todd and I had bagels hot from the oven at about 7Am (well, maybe 7:30). I was on the exercise bike by 8AM...and I rode until 10! Whew! I thought that I blew my intake budget of food because I caved in and had peanut butter on my banana...but when I took a closer look I realized that all was well in food budget land.

Weight 202.0

Got up early this morning and went right to work. I stripped the sheets off the bed, washed them. I went ahead and washed the comforter (it's out on the line). I dried a few things in the dryer and folded and put that stuff away, and I exercised for 70 minutes. Yep, all before I came to work. So i had a productive morning.

Now for the bad part. For breakfast I had the rest of the dessert cups from last night. Uhhh yeah, 3 of them. I did have a banana with them. Does that make it a healthy breakfast? I mean, I had my grain (the flour tortillas were whole wheat), milk (milk in the mousse like filling) and the banana added the fruit!!! Calorie wise, I was still ok after my dessert cup breakfast. But as I was done with exercising, and I was dressed and ready to go, for some reason my hand strayed into the leftover dinner rolls. YIKES! SO there that negates my 70 minutes of exercise. I was honestly planning on riding again tonight for about 60 minutes, so I guess that's a definite now. (I usually ride for the first half of TBL..and then relax for the second half). The whole way to work (all 2.5 miles of it) I was mentally kicking myself in the butt for eating! WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!

Tonight dinner is leftover lasagna. There were two pieces left...so taht's what we are having for dinner....with a nice salad. I have to stay away from the dinner rolls!!!!!

Hail, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Yesterday I was pondering exercise and if I should go outside and ride or if I should 'wimp' out and ride on the exercise bike. After all, it was calling for rain! AND the roads were wet! I mean, come on! But, I started to think and realized that on the day of my bike ride, I may be riding on wet roads. I may be riding in rain. I won't have a say in it. SOOOOO, I put on my new rain jacket, popped my cell phone into a pocket, turned on the ipod and away I went. 18.5 miles later and I was home. It didn't rain or anything on me. All was good. My legs actually felt find also! I probably would have gone further, but I had given a time that I would be home so that my husband and I could run some errands, and that time was drawing nigh.

SOooo....I got brave thinking a little rain couldn't hurt me!!! Whew...was I wrong. You see, shortly after I got back it did start to rain....and then it started to hail! A LOT! Thank heavens I wasn't out on my bike during that hail storm!!!

Yesterday evening I made food for tonight. We are having company (and they will be here at 6:30....and I don't get off of work until shortly after 6~~we close at 6...so how ever long it takes us to close up and balance our drawers). SO I made lasagna and prepared stuff for a salad. I also made tortilla dessert cups. They as so good and actually somewhat not too bad for me. :-) So I sit here now...the house is clean, the table is set and I'll be leaving for work soon!

Remnants of hail storm

Remnants of hail storm, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Goin' Solo

Well, as I wrote yesterday, I went solo. So the question this morning is how in the world did I do flying solo without that crutch?

Well....I got home from work at about 6:15. Todd was not to be home until later, so I was on my own for dinner. No problem. When this occurs I am tickled to have a pb&J or grilled cheese and tomato soup. I opted for the grilled cheese route. Not a problem. I make it as healthy as possible and besides that, I was ok on my food budgeting for the day to allow for that soup and sandwich. I've had a lot on my mind the last few days and yesterday evening it was just all there. I was thinking about 'things' while I made dinner. I went into auto pilot mode. Looking back I do remember wondering why I didn't get enough cheese out of the fridge, but no problem, I just went and got the extra that I needed. I plated my food and sat down to eat. Since I was alone I decided to be ultra impolite (to myself??) or whatever the reason was that my mom always spouted when i tried this......and I opened my book and read while I was eating. Not a problem (shhhh don't tell mom, but I do this a lot when I'm alone). I was finishing up when all of a sudden I realized what i had done. Oh my word.....on auto pilot, I didn't make one sandwich! I made the old MaryFran's portion of sandwiches....and still in auto-pilot (and reading to drown my thoughts) I ATE THEM ALL! They were tasty...I'll say that. (As a side note...and actually rather amusing, I was in doubt about what I did.....so I actually looked in the garbage can to count the cheese wrappers, to find out how much I really did eat.) My stomach has been telling me that I didn't eat correctly yesterday too! But that quick...I took my eyes and thought off of what I was doing and I slipped into the old ways.

Lets talk about the old ways. The old ways are not just a week or two in the past. They are not even a month or two in the past. The old ways are literally YEARS past! I have been living this healthier lifestyle for a couple years! And these old ways are still deeply buried???? YIKES! I've always known that this would be a lifelong quest....but I didn't realize the extent that this stuff is buried.

Sooooo....lesson learned. Although honestly, other than giving myself a mental slap every once in a while while I'm cooking and eating to keep myself focused I don't know how to prevent against something like last night happening. It happened before I even realized it.

Cutting the apron strings

Weight watchers will always have a soft spot in my heart. Weight watchers helped motivate me and get me over a hump in my weight loss journey. But I really do feel that my time at weight watchers is at an end for the time being. Yes, I may go back eventually. (I've always said that the lifetime thing is a godsend because it would help keep constant accountability). However at this time, the meetings are just not doing it for me. Firstly, getting to a meeting is no longer a priority. When I do go to a meeting, I've struggled finding one that fits me schedule and my needs. So i have decided to stop spending $40 a month to not attend any weight watchers meetings. As I said, I will probably go back later......I can't predict the future though. But for right now my official weight watcher days are over. I'm a little sad and a little worried. Paying that monthly fee each month has been a bit of a crutch for me.....always reminding me that "I'm paying good money to lose weight...so LOSE it" But in the long run I have to look at myself and where I am.

I will forever be grateful to the weight watchers program for what it taught me. I learned and shaped my eating. I learned to make healthier options instead of simply eating nutritionally empty foods. I learned to manage and budget my eating. I learned that I can do it. But on that same breath, that crutch that weight watchers was for me I think has also become somewhat of a hindrance. I need to stand up on my on two feet and finish this journey the way I started....on my own.

So, just 5 minutes ago, I logged onto the weight watchers website and cut the financial ties to weight watchers. I am officially on my own again. I'll be honest. I'm scared to death! But I know in my heart that this is the right choice for me.

*****

My weight this morning...UP UP UP and away. I'm hoping a good deal of that is water retention because of the wonderful monthly cycle. I'm also just incredibly thirsty this morning. I'm swallowing the water at a pretty fast rate. (who knows what's up with that). I've already ridden on the exercise bike for about 45 minutes this morning and I hope to ride again this evening. :-) I am however almost at the end of the Australian Biggest Loser...I'll be looking for something else to watch on youtube...anyone have any great ideas????

Confession

Yesterday started out great. I ate my cheerios, checked my email and then Todd and I headed off to the gym. I worked out for about 70 minutes. It was actually a pretty decent workout so I'm good with that. We left the gym and I went to the vehicle emissions testing place and had my emissions test done on my car. (yep, passed.....not that I was expecting anything else). After that we had the big 'where are we going to eat discussion'. We ended up at Golden Corral. (EVERY local place we stopped at was closed for some odd reason). I actually did really good. I had a salad with a small amount of dressing and just a sprinkle of cheese. That was my first plate. The second plate had ALL veggies..and the good thing about the GC is that they steam a lot of their veggies. The third and final plate had fruit and my sole collection of 'bad food'. I had one little spoon (one bite) of mac and cheese, one little bite of potato salad, and one hush puppy. Todd and I split the hush puppy and I didn't eat the potato salad...after looking at it it looked funky.

Before I go on....that was not three FULL plates of food. For example, my second plate of food had a scoop of green beans, two spears of steamed broccoli and a scoop of steamed carrots and maybe one or two 'clumps' (what's the word I want to use?) of steamed cauliflower. And that was the extent of plate two. Plate three had a small scoop of mandarin oranges, about 10 grapes and the aforementioned 'bad food'. The salad plate was...well mostly lettuce..and about 1/4-1/2 of a plate full. So three plates...but little food on each plate. :-)

As we were driving home, we were talking about dinner (yeah, isn't that so sad...just finish lunch and already discussing what we were going to eat for dinner). Todd asked for homemade pizza. I knew that was a bit high in points/calories so I planned on cleaning the house and then hitting the exercise bike to help compensate for some of the extra calories/points. Uhhhhhhh I never made it that far. I did however spend a good deal of time cleaning the house. AND ~~hanging head in shame!~~ I ate half of the pizza. 16 points worth of pizza (at least it was somewhat healthy....fat free cheese and whole wheat crust!!!). And if that wasn't enough....we watched a movie later in the evening and I made popcorn!!! (air-popped....but I did add some low cal spray butter).

Ack! too much food.

"Did you order something?"

"Did you order something?", originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

This box has been laying by my desk for the last few days. The cats have been sniffing around it from day one. But being as it's a small box, no on attempted to get in it....until today. Ahhhhh how can people live without animals...they are always good for a chuckle!

Well, apparently the family member is going under the knife this upcoming Friday to have the gastric bypass surgery. There is nothing that I can do. I was talking to my mom and while she thinks it is a crazy decision that this family member made, my mom was defending this persons choice. Why is she defending it? Because of a 'study' out there that shows that for diabetics they have found that within a few weeks post op that these newly gastric bypassed people are no longer diabetic. (first of all I said, who's doing this study...most likely the same doctors that are getting rich off of performing the surgeries) I started to argue the point that these patients are no longer diabetic because they are no longer eating the foods that cause their blood sugars to skyrocket and plummet! My mom was saying, "no, it's the surgery". I reminded her about the fact that ALL of the diabetics on the biggest loser turn it around and are no longer diabetic short way through the show! And they didn't have surgery. It's diet!!! My mom just doesn't want to hear it...because that pushes the fault of her type II diabetes even more fully onto her shoulders. Breaks my heart.

As expected, my weight popped up a bit this morning. Frustrating, but I know why (TOM) so I'm not worried about it. Eating...still plugging along and trying to be really conscious of points and calories!

Really considering dropping weight watchers. The only thing that is keeping me a member is the fact that if I can just get my weight down a bit more, I'll be back to lifetime status...and that is a good card to have in my pocket! Wimped out yesterday in reference to the outdoor bike ride. I ended up riding inside! :-) Hey, it was cold and windy!

Focus on weight loss. My focus is on weight loss! Yeah, I'm keeping up with other obligations and commitments, but my focus is on my weight and health!

I was emailing a friend this morning and encouraging her to take control of her eating and exercise. I reminded her to think about how good she feels when she is eating right. And all of a sudden I remembered the pride and confidence that I feel when I personally am making wise choices in my eating. Yes, some of the confidence that I experience is tied to the scales or how my clothes are feeling. But there is a huge portion that is directly related to my choices of food when it comes to eating. Being in control of something that rules my life, that rules my decisions is so powerful that words can not describe it. Eating a healthy meal, choosing a healthy meal at a restaurant, making wise decisions about food is the best confidence builder.

I've been actually doing really good. I have a friend that's been telling me that it is very possible that I've been under eating. I had a hard time believing this as I've never under eaten in my entire life! Heck, I've been stubborn about it! (sorry Sherry for doubting you) But this past week when i actually 'accidentally' ate more and started losing....yikes! Could she have been right? Sooo yesterday, I consciously watched every bite I ate. I was determined that I would eat roughly half of my activity points for the day. (I'm also doing a parallel calorie count on fitday.com......and I'm watching my calories burned versus my intake of calories). And I did. I ate over my normal allowance for points and/or calories

So the results.....this morning, even after eating more food than normal yesterday...I dropped again! I'm back in the one hundreds. 199.2 I'm trying to not get excited about being back in onderland. Simply because the ick is around the corner and that usually pops my weight back up a pound or two....so realistically I may backtrack...short term though!

My last thought of the day is a saying that I used to keep as my mantra. It was Think Thin. "think thin" really sums it up. I have to 'think thin' when I'm making my decisions. I have to think about how badly I want to be thin when making my food choices and when I'm deciding how long to exercise. I have to keep those thin goals first and foremost in my head and "Think Thin"

Fluke??

Well, my weight that I was utterly amazed at yesterday wasn't a fluke! Today I was down a bit further even. I'm skirting on the edge of getting back out of those darn pesky 200's! I am seriously going to have to get serious (haa ha aha....what a crazy sentence...seriously...serious) about logging my calories. I was exercising like a maddog and eating relatively within my points and I wasn't losing an ounce. I've eased up the last few days and voila, the weight drops. Oh yeah, and I eat more those few days. This makesno sense what-so-ever! The only conclusion I can come to....somehow the points allowance that I've been eating is not what I need to lose at this point. Maybe it is too low with the massive exercise. YIKES! Does that mean that I've been not eating enough? MaryFran undereat????? Woah! What a kicker though. I overate at lunch on Thursday....I could have gone to that banquet and had rolls and high fatty salad dressings and a whole dessert. But no, I went and ate reasonably, even after I had my little slip up at lunch. And look what happened....I honestly lost weight! What would have happened if I had given up for the day and eating like a starving pig for dinner also????

This morning I was looking for a shirt to wear to work. I grabbed a pink tee out of the drawer (to wear as a base layer here at work). I meant to grab one of my comfy roomy big teeshirts. (well, not one of the 2x ones, they are the swallow me whole tee shirts...but just a comfy roomy teeshirt). Well, my hand reached for pink and I pulled out a small tee shirt. One that fit me perfectly at my lowest weight. Now granted, that's only 15 pounds or so...so we are not talking umpteen pounds (although 15 pounds more to go seems like umpteen at times). I said, what the heck. All of my clothes still fit, some are just tighter than others. And I noticed that with this little weight gain that I've had, I've gone back to 'frumpier' clothes that I wear. My confidence levels had plumeted in direct proportion to my weight gain. I put on the sized just right shirt. I'm not overtly happy with the roll around my belly that is highly visible because the shirt may be a tad tighter than it was when I bought it. However, being honest...the roll is also a tad bigger also! But I'm wearing it. The roll would still be there and still visible with my roomy comfy clothes. This shirt fits just fine, it is not clinging to me in any way, it's just not billowing around my body in waves of loose fabric.

Lessons learned thus far today...oh heck, this week!
1. Don't underestimate your body....it can do crazy things when least expected.
2. Confidence.....wear it!
3. Perserverance is all mental...it has not much to do with ability.
4. Start over this instance. Do not wait until tomorrow, or the beginning of the week, or whenever. Start now....it's not tooo late!
5. With proper care, a saddle sore/follicle cyst can go bye bye within a few days!

I started thinking today about something. Todd has a 'touchy' digestive system. We have to go natural and organic as much as possible and when we don't go natural and organic we are constantly reading labels to see how 'unnatural' the ingredients are. One of the main no-nos is High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS). Kelloggs cereals are a huge offender. I think pretty much every one of their cereals have HFCS in it! So we've been looking at some of these bargain stores like Aldi's and Sav-A-Lot to compare prices and products. We are finding that these bargain stores and their cheap generic store brand cereals are made without HFCS. What???? I'm spending more money on Kelloggs cereals....and I'm getting HFCS which is bad bad bad! I can pay less money and get cereals without? What???? And they tout HCFS to be cheaper and help keep our costs down. Whatever! Soooo Todd is in his glory eating all these cereals that before were taboo!

Speaking of Todd's digestive system....on Thursday night I had the honor of sitting beside someone that I started talking to and we just clicked. It was like we had known each other for ages...and we had similar beliefs and thoughts on a whole lot of things. She has become a vegetarian in recent years. Basically she watched her daughter struggle with asthma. Asthma so bad that this daughter was using her inhaler at least once an hour. Her daughter went vegetarian and the asthma disappeared. (the daughter now goes deep sea diving....so that tells you how her asthma is). So this lady started going vegetarian herself...she said she couldn't ignore the proof. I was highly interested because Todd and I always talk about how it would be a short jump for us to go vegetarian. In fact, I've bought vegetarian recipe books and whatnot over the years, because I see us goign that route. Well, I came home...Todd's digestive system is getting all whacky again. We can't figure out what is sneaking in...I'm almost anal about reading the labels and such...so we don't know what is causing him to be sick. I'm thinking maybe I should try to incorporate more vegetarian stuff to see if that helps!

How???

I don't know how....but my weight yesterday morning was 203.6. Yesterday I didn't drink near enough water. And at lunch I had a little binge. Instead of my fruits and veggies at lunch....to give me extra points for dinner....which was at a banquet, I had grilled cheese and tomato soup and strawberries(yes, made with the lowest and healthiest ingredients and methods). THEN I had a 100 cal cookie (2 points), and that wasn't enough so I then went and had a dark chocolate candy bar (it was stuck in the freezer....I had gotten it for free months ago...and put it in the freezer because I knew I wouldn't be eating it...oh yeah, see what happened), and THEN I had a snack bar! WHEW! We went to the banquet and I ate what they served (I passed on the bread basket and I split the most scrumptious fudgy brownie with Todd). So I didn't eat all that well. Yet my weight went down to 200.4. WHAT?????? I'll take it!!!
Had a nice time at the banquet last night. I picked up a little more support for my bike ride! WOo hooo! Hopefully the people that promised will carry through. (I did bring home a check though from one person.....wooo hooo!)

Exercise yesterday.....non-existant. I did however help Todd cart the sound system/pa around town (up and down stairs and whatnot) during the afternoon and then after the banquet (he provided the sound system for the entertainment). So does that count?????? tee hee hee

Today, I'm going to do my best to get some exercise in...but it's another busy day...I probably won't be home until late. ARRGGGHHH

Ride news

Went out on the bike yesterday....I don't know why, but my legs are soooo freakin' sore today! there is no reasoning behind it. I've done worse rides (with wind...or hills) and no problem. It seems like this leg aching pain after a ride hits mysteriously with no warning or reasoning. (One time I had done a large road ride with hills and was fine...but a day or so later did a little 9 miler on the canal...flat...and that small easy ride wiped me out!) I've got to figure this stuff out. Maybe it's something that I'm eating! That doesn't seem likely..but hey, you never know.

Meanwhile, it's rainy today. With the weight gone from my body and thereby my knees, it's easy to forget that I suffer from arthritis. When I was larger, the knees always hurt from the immense pressure that my weight was putting on them...but that constant pain has eased up. Now it's just changes in the weather that put a little pain in the knees. As I said earlier.....it's raining. Thus the knees are hurting! ARRGGGHHH

So yep, my knees hurt......my legs ache from my ride! I'm just feeling 'peachy'.

Ohhhhh I almost didn't say anything. My ride yesterday 24.04. It wasn't until much later....after the ride, that my legs started to ache. Hey, I can deal with that! Ride like the wind, pay the price later! :-)

Deep thoughts and reflections

Thank you from the bottom of my heart Val! Your generosity has really touched my soul! I can't even express how much! Thank you!

I was reading blogs this morning and got to thinking about my weight and what caused me to start losing. I thought I would list them here...as a reminder to myself. You see, after losing a significant amount of weight, those ailments and reasons are pushed aside or have disappeared (some fully, some for the most part) and it's easy to forget why I'm doing this. So here goes.

1. My weight was going to kill me sooner or later. It would have been a miracle if I did not end up with diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure and every other weight related illness known to man. I had already been diagnosed with high cholesterol and had had a few instances where my blood pressure was elevated...nothing regular thank the Lord!

2. I was sick constantly. It was not abnormal for my stomach to hurt and to spend half of the night clutching my stomach and rushing to the bathroom.

3. Knees. At the tender young age of 28 I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in my knees. The doctor bluntly told me that the only thing that would really help was to remove as much weight as possible from my knees. I didn't really pay attention and do anything about it....and then I started feeling the pain in my hips. (apparently when the knees go, the hips sometimes follow)

4. To be able to dress how I want and not in whatever clothes I find that fit me without looking terrible.

5. It hurt to watch family member struggle with their weight and illnesses...and I knew I was following in their footsteps!

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A long time ago I realized that I lose more weight when I am completely focused on losing. Almost as if losing weight is my sole purpose in life and all else is secondary. I noticed that when that focus slipped, I started to not lose weight. ohhhh I may have maintained some weeks, but eventually I would gain.

In September I started a 365 project in which I take a picture a day for a year. I made it 6 months....it became my focus. I thought constantly about what I was going to take a picture of...I thought about what I could do to that picture in photoshop. I spent hours playing around with the camera...on the computer... I read books...etc etc etc. Not that that was a bad thing....but my focus was on my photography. Is it a coincidence that my weight started spiralling out of control in October? I even started doing a monthly scavenger hunt with my camera....taking my attention even further into photography. Once again, not a bad thing......unless that focus could be better spent on something else......me.

In the last week I've been thinking. While I don't want to really stop the 365 project...I know that I need to readjust my priorities and make losing weight my primary goal. That has to be my focus...even above my training for this ride. Losing weight is number one. Luckily, the training should enhance my weight loss. :-) But my main focus needs to go back to losing the weight!

Way to go to the contestants on The Biggest loser for persevering through and completing their own half marathon! It reminds me of something that my brother talked about when I called him for training advice. He told me that distance biking (the advice is the same for running) is more of a mental battle than anything else. You have to have your mind wrapped around the objective (finishing what you set out to do) and then go for it and don't look back! He talked about how he has gone on 100 rides with people that have had little or no training (in fact he has done it some years) and how they push through the pain and focus on their objective and they do it! The contestants talked about how Tara and Sione could do it because they run 6 miles at the ranch. 6 miles is NOT 13 miles. Yeah, they may be more conditioned and better prepared than someone that doesn't run at all (yeah, some of them looked really awkward running...but hey, not all are runners and even though they looked awkward, they finished. Like I was saying 6 miles is not a half marathon...they were not prepared and conditioned to run a half marathon. So how did they finish? What pushed them to continue through the pain. Ohhh yeah, it was that mental training. They had their mind wrapped into their mission. They were focused on the goal.

I had a really difficult time holding in my emotions when the contestants went home. I hope that at some point on the show they actually come back and say (or I can find out somehow) that Ron's son (not mike...the one at home) has started to lose and that he is getting healthy. Tore my heart out! Yeah to Kirsten's sisters for taking control and losing weight in conjunction to their mother and sister being on the shoe! While my heart aches for Aubry's father (who wouldn't be bothered by a 500 pound man). I wanted to shake Aubrey. She went on the attack I think with her father. Come on...he's 500 pounds! He can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. He doesn't know where to start to change! Don't preach at him....teach him!!!! Show him where he needs to start. Hounding someone is not going to make them change!

Ok, enough of my thoughts on The biggest loser!

Change of plans

You know, I had a whole long post planned about my woes in training. Namely a bit of sore (a follicle cyst actually) that rubs when I ride. (Mainly on the exercise bike). But things changed.

I was humbled by my blog. I started writing my blog as an outlet for my feelings as I have followed this path to good health. I thought that it would be a great way to keep a record of the ups and downs of my journey. Basically chronicling my weight loss. I didn't know it would take this long, and I didn't have any idea how many times I would slip. But I did. Somewhere along the way I picked up some readers. Cool...but my blog is still my outlet, my place to be open and honest with myself about what's happening. I let it all hang out on here (in regards to my weight loss efforts). Today I received something in the mail (thank you Valerie!) that really brought me up short and made me realize how much my words and thoughts are being read. My words, my struggles have the capacity to help others even as I still feel as if I'm failing miserably in this journey. I realize that true failure is giving up. But, in the strictest sense of the word, I have felt like a failure of late. I have gained weight and I'm struggling to get it back off. (Even today...supposedly my day two of being on track, I ate too much at lunch...not bad stuff...but just more than I needed). But admitting the issues is not failure. Failure can only occur if i throw in the towel and say I don't' care, I"m not going to try anymore.

And that long paragraph is there to say that I shouldn't feel like a failure....yes, I've gained a bit back...and I'm struggling....but I've not given up, which is the only sure fire failure!

OK...I will give a brief highlight of the happenings:

*Yes, yesterday I did really good with eating and drinking. Today I overindulged at lunch. I had cottage cheese, strawberries, applesauce, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and not one...but two 1 point weight watcher cookies! With what is planned for dinner, I'll be a bit over my points. I was thinking in terms of failure before I got my mail at the post office...but I'm not going to do that anymore. Soooooo looking at it successfully...here goes. While I ate too much according to my new standards. I can guarantee that there 'twas a day that what I ate for lunch would have been considered an appetizer.....and a pretty lame one at that. My overindulgence (other than the 1 point cookies) was all healthy foods. Foods that are good for me. I didn't overindulge in foods that were unhealthy for me (well, except for the cookies...but even they were at least 1 pointers instead of the high pointed homemade ones).
*My weight dropped this morning. I did good yesterday and saw a drop on the scales. (maybe I'll take every ones advice and ignore the scales for the next few days). The positive. I can see how a day of healthy 'living' can make a difference.
*Training continueth. I rode last night. I didn't ride this morning. It was really overcast (Of course I come to work and the sun comes out and dries up the roads). The positive. Todd and i are planning on going out tomorrow for a long ride. I was nervous about doing a big hilly ride today and still having some energy in my legs for tomorrows ride. So the decision making was taken away from me.
*At the risk of giving TMI, I have a bit of a problem. The saddle on the upright exercise bike rubs me in a bad way....and has caused a bit of a sore. No, this is not a failure...it's a minor little problem that will be attended to. The positive.....well, I can say that this is my first ever sports injury! At 315 pounds my name and the phrase 'sports injury' were never uttered in the same breath!

Positive thinking!!!