Weight Watchers Week Three

 I have successfully navigated three weeks of weight watchers and I'm still standing.  I'm also still in the game.   I haven't given up in defeat.  I'm still in the game. This week was hard though.  It was really difficult!

Weight Watcher Plans

When I joined this time I noticed that they had some options. Namely three options.   The first option was "Maintain".   I love that option.....but I"m not there yet.  So that was an easy option to rule out. The second option was the option called "Lose" .  This is the standard option that I am more familiar with.  It is the option that gives you your daily points but then also your weekly points that you can use for extra flexibility (And I quote them on the phrase extra flexibility).  You can also earn points by exercise. That was most similar to the plan that I used years back when I lost the weight.  The third option was the "All IN" option. This option is apparently a new choice and it  still has you counting your points, but there is no extra flexibility.  You do not get the weekly points and you do not earn points by so called good behavior (exercise...hahaha).  

For some unknown reason, I chose All-In.  (Maybe they recommended it, I can't remember.)   The first two weeks I followed that plan.  It focuses a lot on your protein and your fiber.  I struggled to even get close to the protein that they recommended, but I tried AND I worked to keep my points in line.  Admittedly, one or two days I was one point over, but I didn't stress about it.  I moved on and made the next day better.    At the beginning of last week I decided that it was a good week to adjust a bit and try out the 'Lose' option.  Because, why yes, you can switch plans at will.

Immediately after switching  I could see my weekly points balance.  It was NICE seeing that weekly points allowance.  I was no longer bumping against my daily limit, I had points left in my weeklies!  I was good as gold.  I never used a ton of the weeklies, but I was diving into them daily to take a handful. I was playing the game by the rules.  But the scales were not being kind to me.  I was showing that I was UP on the scales.  UP.  What in the world?  I was panicked.   I started to look more closely at my food.  The WW app allows you to see the calories, so I had added that for reference.  I quickly realized that the change and the struggle began almost the moment that I switched to the "lose plan".   I switched back, crossed my fingers and followed the 'all in' plan for the rest of the week.  And now I am trusting the All- In plan.

Why was the 'Lose' not working for me?  I think having all those 'weekly' free points really messed with my mind.  I was eating my daily points and seeing those weekly points gave me the 'freedom' to indulge just a bit more...and extra helping of food, a bite of this, a bite of that.    On top of that I was exercising and earning points so my daily points got higher (I could see the increase in my calories eaten).   As I was figuring this all out, I remember my first go-round with weight watchers.  Way back then, I couldn't eat my earned points OR my weeklies on any consistent basis.  I remember being in a meeting and talking about it and most of the other people were there talking about how they ate every stinkin' point that they had.  One girl actually told me 'I am sad for you because you can't."  But even then I never lost when I ate them. 

So all in is the perfect option for me.  (In fairness, I don't weight much of my food so I probably eat the weeklies with miscalculations in my portion sizes.) 

Temptations

This week was full of temptations.  We had not one but two clients bring us sweet treats.   Let me tell you, those cookies and sweet treats looked INCREDIBLE. One of my coworkers was having a bad day so a our other coworker came back from her lunch with a whoopie pie for each of us.  One of our clients owns a coffee and sweets shop and had just developed their online ordering app and they were ready to dive into having delivery and asked us to test it out.  You name it, it was pushed in front of me!   I won.   I didn't eat any of them!  I was tempted a few times to simply take one bite but I didn't do it!

Toward the end of my week I went to lunch at a fast food joint with my brother during my lunch break.  I had already switched back to the all-in plan.  I was determined to make it work, enjoy my lunch and time with my brother AND not ruin the progress.  I did it.  I made wiser options when I ordered and I adjusted my dinner to allow for my lunch.  I did it!

 Exercise

There isn't much to say about exercise.  I did it.  4 times in the last week!  Period. Done.  

 Weigh In

Halfway through the week I was stepping on the scale and I was showing a gain.   I was so upset!  But I changed my thinking and changed that plan and then sat back to trust the plan.   I was nervous the whole time because I soooo didn't want to show a gain for my official weight.   I had decided to change my weigh in day to Saturday (from Friday) which was totally unrelated to my gain....but nicely gave me an extra day to lose that weight.  That extra day helped, I am sure!

Somehow, I managed to grab a 2 pound loss!  Somehow.  Someway.  I have no clue how.   However, I am NOT looking a gift horse in the mouth and I am taking that 2 pounds and running with it!  That makes 9 pounds in three weeks.  I'll take it!  My little secret goal for the first few months is 10 pounds a month.  So I am totally on target for that for this month!  Go me!

Return to What Worked 

With my thoughts returning to the  first time I did WW and how I couldn't eat my earned points or weekly points.  I thought about one of the things that I did that worked for me   Each week, on the day that I weighed in, my last day of my WW week, I would have a splurge meal. I weighed in after work at an in person meeting and afterward, I had whatever my heart desired.    I had a dessert.  I had the high carb, loaded with butter, comfort meal.  And I did it every week.  I would leave my WW meeting and I would head right to the pizza joint to take home a large pizza....and I didn't eat just one piece.  I ate my HALF of the pizza.  Sometimes I would eat a banana split, or a big slab of cake.  It was my splurge.  The next morning I would wake up and my new WW week would start fresh and I would be right back on plan.  It worked for me.   I still tracked it, but I didn't worry about it.  

So I have decided to go back to this.  Saturday mornings I weigh.  Saturday evenings are my splurge meal.  Sunday mornings starts my new week, fresh and new.  I am still tracking it...but I'm not stressing about it.  And yes, my splurge this week was again a Mini Blizzard to go with my pizza.  :-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Mini Victory

 After my stellar weigh in I was ready to face week three of my weight watcher journey.  Or should I say weight watcher journey part two....or three or whatever number I am on.   How about I just call it Weight Watchers Redux?    I had some challenges to get through first though.  Through one of the challenges that I faced I made a huge discovery.....or should I say a 'mini' discovery'

 

The Breakfast Reward

In my last post I talked about a bad habit that I had picked up in the previous months whereby I would stop for a fast food breakfast before going to work when I had to work on a Saturday morning.  Yeah, I know it's bad.  Heck, I even knew it at the time, but that didn't stop me.  In my warped brain I thought I deserved it!   So when my first work Saturday after rejoining WW came up, I knew that I had to stop that habit.   I made sure I ate at home.  I told myself I was being ridiculous when I tried to talk myself in 'just a diet soda' to propel me through these few hours of Saturday morning work.  And I held firm!  No breakfast reward for me.  I set myself up for success through.  I announced it on here.  I also talked to my coworker on Friday night about it and said that I was determined to not do the 'much desired' breakfast.  This coworker that was working with me on Saturday morning knows that I rejoined WW.  So while she may be a bit of enabler (she freely admits it) she also was good accountability in the fact that I didn't want to walk in with my big drink and thus openly declare that I failed.  So I arrived to work with my belly full of fruit and cereal from home and my water to drink.  Victory!

Exercise Begins on Week three of WW

I started WW two weeks ago, I am in week three.  I knew from the get go that I would be restarting an exercise routine shortly thereafter.  And I could have started both at the same time, but I chose to focus on getting into the routine of WW first and then add in the exercise.  Seriously, this was always the plan.  SO much a plan that the same weekend that I signed up for WW, I also joined a gym that is opening near me. (Hopefully within the next few weeks!) 

Well, week three was my set start date for exercise and let me say, I am smashing it!   I know I know, I am only a few days into week three, but I have been active.

We went for a hike on Sunday.

I have managed to exercise at 5 every work morning thus far this week.  I know that is only two mornings thus far....but still it's a start! (And it is only Tuesday as I write this!)

Mini Challenge

Another habit that Jason and I have fallen into is picking up Dairy Queen Blizzards on Saturday night.  Nothing wrong with that, right?   Well.....maybe, have you seen the calories/points on those things!  Ohhh and I didn't get a small.  I didn't even get a medium.  I got the large and probably would have gotten an extra large had then offered that size!     I avoided the blizzard challenge the first weeks of my WW Redux easily, simply because Jason forgot and I didn't remind him.  But the subject came up this last weekend and I had to come up with a plan.

What options did I have?  I could let him get one and then sit and watch him eat it. But I have long ago decided that this journey was not going to be one of total deprivation.  Total deprivation just results in unhappiness and eventual failure, so that wasn't a valid option.    I could get one myself and just damn the consequences.  But I really want to lose this weight so damning the consequences didn't seem right.     Or I could try to come up with an alternative.  I honestly thought about blending a frozen banana to make my own ice cream, but wasn't overly happy with that option.  I have long said. I knew that there was an answer out there somewhere, so I turned to the DQ website and the WW tracker to come up with a workable plan. 

Well first of all, all blizzards are NOT created equal in terms of calories/points.  The Choco Brownie Extreme Blizzard that I had been getting  is  is higher in calories. (Of course)    I quickly figured out that the Strawberry dipped Blizzard was lower!  Yay, I like Strawberries!  The next thing I noticed was the sizes.  The large was still way out of my budget, as was the medium and even the small.  But did you know that they have a mini?   Yes, a mini!  I was leery, not sure what size this was going to be.   Was I going to get two teaspoons of ice cream and that was it?  I wasn't sure what I was going to get, but that was what worked with my food budget.  So a mini is what I got!

I should have taken a picture of the mini beside Jason's large, just to really show the difference.  It was small, I won't lie.  But it was bigger than I had feared it was going to be!  And the best part? It fit into my WW plan (Yes, I used weeklies...but that was the last day of my week and I had them to spare!)  Ohh , and it was delicious!

The Mini Lesson

I was eating my mini DQ Blizzard and made a rather startling discovery.  OK, maybe it shouldn't be very startling, because I have had similar revelations in the past (such as here) .   I admittedly was a bit worried about this small (or rather mini) sized treat. I was afraid that I wouldn't be satisfied, that I would feel deprived.  That this would leave me feeling like I was deprived.   

Instead, the opposite happened.  I ate that mini sized blizzard.  It was absolutely delicious.  I felt satisfied.  I felt good.  I felt like I had enough and wasn't still craving or desiring more.  

What???   A mini satisfied my desires just as well as a large?  I was left pondering!

But then I remembered.  My satisfaction comes from those first few bites of bliss.  I only continue to eat because I am remembering those first few bites of bliss.  I am chasing that bliss.   The mini was absolutely perfect because it allowed me to have that 'high' (The angels sing) but then stopped me from chasing the high.    

It takes willpower, but the mini is a perfect option!

 

It has been a week of relearning, moving forward and staying on track!   

 

 

 

 

I feel the need.......The need for Speed

I plowed right through week two of my re-entrance into the land of WW.  I have now completed two weeks of this plan and thus far I am going strong.   It hasn't been easy, but I'm doing it.

Weigh In with WW

So let me dive right into my weigh in for week two.  Week one I managed to lose 3.7.   I was worried about this week because I had volunteered to bring dinner and dessert to a girls night.  Dessert, really?   I was worried about it.  But I calculated it and planned for it.  I admittedly did lick the spoon when I was done mixing, but I held pretty firm.   The dinner I prepared was veggie pizza and I made a peanut butter pie for dessert. The dinner was cancelled at the last minute......so I took the goodies to work and let my co-workers enjoy.  The thing was,   I had already calculated and budgeted my day to allow for a piece of that peanut butter pie.  I wanted a piece of that pie.  So I had a piece and  I thoroughly enjoyed it!   I ignored it thereafter, even as I watched my coworkers eat it and rave about it!

Otherwise, the week was pretty standard.  I haven't been perfect with my eating, but I have been pretty darn close for sure!  I haven't commenced with the exercise yet.  I know that it's an excuse, but this week was just crazy!  First of all I had a sore butt.....OK it was the muscle that went form my butt cheek down the back of my leg.  How in the wold did I hurt my butt?  Well we went bowling.  I've got nothing else.....bowling!    Secondly, we had a gal quit at work.  That put us short staffed so I am back to shuffling between my job and covering for her....I came home tired each night!  But getting exercies restarted is definitely on my agenda and plans!

 So how did I do with my weigh in this week? This second week of WW, I lost 3.3 pounds.   HIP HIP HURRAY!   Two weeks of nice, solid and respectable losses!  I know that the losses will slow as I lose weight, but for now I am going to enjoy these 3 pound weeks!

Plans and Concerns for Week three of WW

My first challenge for week three will come this morning.  I am typing this early on Saturday morning.  I am scheduled to work this morning which is no biggie.  EXCEPT for the fact that I picked up a bad habit over the last few months.  On the Saturdays that I have worked, I 'treat myself' to breakfast out.  And by a breakfast out, I mean going through the drive through.   Decidedly unhealthy and high calorie/point options.   I am praying for strong willpower to resist the temptation!   It's a habit breaking day.  I can do this!  (Why oh why does it taste so good!)

The second challenge is the weekend meals.  Typically we do eat out more on the weekends and that includes getting a sweet treat.   Of late we had been picking up a Blizzard from Dairy Queen.  Not exactly a low points option.   Last weekend we had just gotten home and Jason said "Oh, we forgot to pick up our Blizzards"   I quickly replied, I didn't forget about it, I just chose to not remind you because I'm not getting one."     And that was the end of the conversation.   So I made it through last weekend. Who knows what this weekend will bring. I am not planning on being totally adverse to getting a sweet treat here and there.......but it will be a challenge because I don't want to wreck my points/calories either!

 I feel the Need....the Need for Speed

  I have lost 7 pounds in two weeks.  I should be incredibly happy! Yet I am not.   Ok, that came out wrong.  I am tickled with the 7 pounds.  However, I have to admit that I am dissatisfied with the fact that it is ONLY seven pounds.  ONLY.  I want this weight to be gone NOW.    I want to be thin and have this losing stuff behind me so I can be back in maintenance.   I want to lose it faster.  Why can't I lose 6 pounds a week?   Why can't I do this......  I want this process to be speedy.   Because yes, I feel the need for speed.

 

I know this need for speed is irrational.  That is not how weight loss happens.  Weight loss is a slow non- linear process.  But that doesn't stop me from wanting it!  It doesn't stop me from wishing for more.   

Luckily, I picked up on something the other week when I first wrote that I was joining WW.   I was reflecting on how I had originally lost the weight with WW.  I decided to go back to old posts and link to those momentous times such as when I first joined WW and then secondly when I made lifetime.   That was the purpose of going back, simply to link to the post.  However, I noticed something while I was doing it.  I noticed the dates of those two momentous occasions. 

 

I had been trying to lose weight on my own.  I would lose a bit and then stall out.  So I decided to join Weight watchers and wrote about it on August 10,2006  I would actually go on to lose about 80 pounds to get to goal.  I wrote and posted religiously throughout my whole journey with WW.  Some of those posts are incredibly boring and honestly painful to read as they are so bland. But I literally wrote almost every day. I didn't figure out the exact number of posts, but I can tell you it was over 500 posts.   But that is not what got me as I reviewed these posts.   What got me is the date of the post where I talked about making lifetime.  I wrote that post on August 5, 2008.  

 

Did you catch those dates?   August  10, 2006  to August 5,2008.    It literally took me 5 days shy of 2 years!    TWO FREAKIN' YEARS!  When I look back at the journey it feels as if it was only a few months of work. Yet it was two years. Two years to lose 80 pounds.   That is an average of .769 pounds a week. One of my greatest life accomplishments was losing that 80 pounds, and I did it with less than a pound a week. 

 

So while I find myself disappointed with  "ONLY" 3.3 pounds, I need to remember that 3.3 is a VERY respectable number.  If I somehow managed to lose 3 pounds a week I would be at goal in 33 weeks....literally by Christmas. So 'only' should not be a word that I use and I should NEVER be disappointed by any loss. And if I only lose .7 pounds a week, I can still reach my goal. 

 

And for the record I know that there will be weeks where I don't lose and I know that the 3 pounds will get harder to to achieve as I continue to lose weight and drop pounds.....my figure of 3 pounds a week is strictly for statistical knowledge only.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Food Noise

 

I joined WW a week ago and I have tried to get to some of the virtual meetings.  I am trying out some of the different leaders to see which ones I like (and it’s easier to judge a leader if they are presenting the same information).  Therefore, I have attended a few workshops this week.  The  topic for that first week was food noise.  Good subject for sure.  I have tons of food noise.  I plan my day around food.  I haven’t even put down my fork after a meal that totally fills me up and I am already thinking about when and what I will eat next time.  Even sitting here typing this, I have already thought about breakfast, lunch AND dinner for today (I started typing this at 7AM).   So, this topic was very near and dear to my heart. 

After attending a few ‘Weekly Workshops’ throughout the week, I decided to attend a “Deep Dive’ session.  I actually really liked this coach’s style and energy (Coach Marianne B) and the interaction was great.  She talked about three factors that affect the food noise.  Environment, stress and appetite.  She talked about how when you are hungry the food noise is incredibly intense.  And right then and there I had an epiphany about my food noise and my weight issues. 

 

I have always wondered what happened.  How did I come to live the life of an obese woman.  I was always more of a petite person as I was younger, not overweight, just healthy.  By younger I mean 10, 11, 12 or so.  I actually remember referring to one girl at school as fat in my description of her at home.  I actually came across a picture of her in my storage recently and I had it labelled as ‘Fat Joy’.  How shameful is that?   I am actually utterly embarrassed to admit this, but it is the truth.     I was one of the normal sized or even smaller people among my friends. 

And then something happened.   I started to gain……quickly.   Within a year or so I was overweight and then shortly afterward, obese.  All when I was right around 12-14 years old.

I have long wondered and pondered what in the world happened.

-        We moved from Pennsylvania to Florida right about that time.  Was it a culture shock?

-        That was the age that I was hitting puberty.  Was it hormonal?

-        I went from a carefree kid playing outside to a teenager more apt to be in my room lounging.  Was it just a result of change of lifestyle?

It’s been a big question in my mind for quite a few years.  It wasn’t until this week that I had an epiphany.

It was during that deep dive session about food noise that I knew.  I knew exactly what had caused my spiral or at least contribute (because I think those other factors played a role for sure).  It was a true light bulb moment……before we moved to Florida (before I had weight problems) I had plenty of friends and the cafeteria at school  was not crowded, one could actually find a place to sit and I had a group of friends to sit with. I ate lunch every day.   But then we moved.  I didn’t have friends…and I never made a lot while we were in Florida.

Lunchtime was utterly horrible at my new school.  First, try walking into a large room teeming with people you don’t know.  Then you get your tray and have to navigate through this throng of people between tables that are placed too closely together to try to fit as many people in as possibly.  Why are they so close?  We had moved to one of the fastest growing counties in the COUNTRY and the schools were way overcrowded, that included the cafeteria, where I had to find a place to sit.  Amongst strangers….other kids that didn’t want a newbie sitting with them, they were saving those precious and few places for their friends.  It was the most uncomfortable situation. I remember getting my tray, looking for a welcoming place to sit. Not finding any availability I remember dumping my tray full of food and walking out.   It was so uncomfortable that as an 8^th grader I choose to forego lunch.  It was less stressful to sit in the quad outside. If there wasn’t a bench available, it was acceptable and not awkward to sit on the ground up against one of the buildings, lots of people did it.  Even if I was alone, I could do homework or something in order to not look so pitiful.    I didn’t eat lunch.  

Don’t feel too bad, I wasn’t utterly friendless, but I never really had a lot.  I was friendly with everyone, but I just never clicked with anyone.   I was just too different, too foreign, too something.  And that’s ok. 

That trend continued into high school the following year.  The cafeteria was insane.  It was not a welcoming place.  It was worse though because high school gave us the option to go through the line and buy a snack.  This was important because a snack I could take outside to the quad where it wasn’t crowded and where I could melt into obscurity.  (Usually with one or two other people that were also just trying to survive.)  The snack of choice…. Little Debby Snack cakes, my new friend.  I didn’t do that every day because the cafeteria was still way overcrowded to even just walk through and honestly, I had figured out that the lunch money was more aptly used on my own pursuits (books and music).  

It is no surprise that I got home from school each day and hit the kitchen absolutely ravenous!  I started to make larger snacks.  A full box of Kraft mac-n-cheese.  A box of taco shells with melted cheese was actually quite delicious and/or apeanut butter and jelly sandwich always hit the spot.  Whatever I could scrounge from the pantry was fair game.  An hour or two later, dinner would be served and guess who ate a full meal then too?   Why yes, me!

That is exactly where my issues started.  I learned unhealthy habits.  The food noise in my head was intense by the time I got home and the food noise never faded.  Once I let it in, it took up residence and stayed firm in my head and that voice has remained there for all of these years.

I have no desire to take medications, even though they say the medications will silence the food noise.  I don’t want to be on a medication for the rest of my life and I know that when I stop taking the meds the food noise comes back (just look at what people say when then end up stopping the meds…. they regain).  I am still 100% committed to the holistic approach of learning to manage these food noise and my desires.   I ‘just’ need to learn how to silence that food noise voice.  Just for a laugh, I do refer to these voices as my mini me….and my mini me screams at me not just about food.  My mini me tells me that exercise is bad.  My mini me tells me that I am not worth it.  When I was running regularly, my mini me would tell me that I wasn’t a runner and I looked like an idiot. This little mini me is so insistent that once when I was running the mini me was telling me that I was a fool for thinking that I was a runner, that I looked ridiculous and so many other things that I was started crying, but didn’t stop running weirdly enough.  Finally, I had enough and I just yelled out loud “SHUT UP”.  (I am trying to find a post, because surely, I wrote about that!)

But yeah…food noise. 

Wow….I honestly cried like a baby as I wrote this.  This started as a simple epiphany, but turned into a soul releasing cry as I recounted these experiences and relived those emotions of stress.

As a side note: I look back and pity my poor mom because I annihilated the pantry on a daily basis, which had to have affected her meal plans.  I may have and probably did ask first for some of those larger ticket items like taco shells, I assume.   She never said a word though.  I know that she had suffered with excess weight all her life and I know that she had said that her mom had made comments which hurt her self-confidence and she never wanted me to feel fat or inferior.   Her silence raised a gal that didn’t care about her weight …. but it also didn’t stop a growing problem.   (It wasn’t until I accidentally started to lose weight when I got roped into a weight loss challenge  that I began to see and care that I was overweight, until then, I just liked me for me).

So that is the deep thoughts for this week.

I like my official weigh in days to be Friday, so my first ‘week’ on weight watchers was actually only 5 days (from Sunday to Friday morning).   I am happy to say that I lost 3.7 pounds. 

Not to keep that up!!!!!   Lets see what we can do on week two.  I know that I will have a bit of a cheat meal once, but otherwise, I’m ready to knock week two out of the park.

 Once again I pivot.  That should be the name of this site....the girl how is constantly pivoting.  

 

Arduous Eighty

I should have learned this lesson by now.  Seriously, how many times does it have to happen for me to learn!   Yet I just did it again and here I am having to come back and talk about my failure

I had a grand plan for my Arduous Eighty.  It was fantastic.  I had it laid out and I was loving it! Week one went swimmingly well!

 But as with any of my adventures, things got 'quiet' on here.  I stopped posting and didn't want to confront the truth.  And that truth being that I was failing absolutely miserably.   100% failure.   Well, maybe not 100% failure;  I at least maintained my weight.  But I didn't lose a pound.  I found the arduous eighty to be quite arduous.  So arduous that I failed.

Arduous Eighty has left the building.

Back to the Basics 

I may have failed on the Arduous Eighty but I never stopped thinking about the fact that I need to lose 100 pounds.  Yes, I have to lose 100 pounds (again) and I know it!  But what to do, nothing has been working.  It's honestly been the most disheartening feeling, I feel helpless.  I feel hopeless.  I feel disgusted with myself.

So I am going back to the basics.  

I just looked it up to find the link for when I first joined weight watchers.  First of all, I am super depressed, it was almost 20 years ago.  I have been fighting this weight for 20 plus years!  What in the world!  Secondly, the post is actually quite telling.  I was actually in a very similar position to where I am now. I was disheartened and looking for an answer.  I wasn't sure if it would be the fix, but I was willing to try.   In that instance, it worked splendidly and I lost a LOT of weight and actually made it to my goal weight and through maintaining to become a lifetime member. 

So yes, that is exactly what I am doing.  I am going back to weight watchers.  It worked for me in the past.  It's time to let it work for me again.  (At least try!)   So I signed up!

There are not many in person meetings near me....most of them are during the day, which is not conducive to those that actually have jobs where they work during the day (which is a high percent of the population).  Ironically, the closest one to me (about 25-30 miles) does have a Saturday morning meeting that I could make sometimes (I do work Saturdays on a rotating schedule).   With that in mind, I jumped right in and tried out a virtual meeting the first day, right after I joined.   I knew going in that it would be a meeting that I couldn't attend on a regular basis, but I wanted to get my feet wet.  This morning I went to a Sunday morning meeting at 6:30.  Not that I want to wake up early on Sundays, but I am typically awake well before 6:30 and can't remember a time that I wasn't home at that time.  So I'm going to give that a go for a bit to see how it works.

I am a bit concerned about the 'free foods' on weight watchers.  Back when I first did weight watchers there was no such thing as free food. (well there was the core plan....but I tried that one week and didn't like it).    Well actually yes, there were zero points foods....a few of them.....green beans, sourkraut, etc.....and I ate the dickens out of those foods.  But to have a full assortment of foods that are 'free' scares me.   Mainly because I am an addict.  One banana being free is awesome....but 8 bananas even though they are free may not be so awesome.  And yes, 8 bananas may sound silly even for me....but I recognize that I am an addict and reasoning doesn't apply to addicts in the midst of their addictive struggle.   But I am going to give the program a go and see what happens. (I may still have the books and such from the program that I followed.....maybe....and thus may be able to go back to that program version should I need to)

I haven't figured out the accountability aspect.  The weigh ins at the meetings were huge for me.  At least I feel as if it was a huge part of my success.  I'm not sure how it works online.....I saw a workshop that may address this, but of course it's a workshop in the middle of an afternoon when life will/may keep me from attending.  

Regardless,  hopefully this something new (but and old friend at the same time) will be the trick for me.   

 

 

Arduous Eighty

 

 In typical MaryFran fashion I had a brainstorm and decided to dive in to something on the spur of the moment.  What in the world did I decide to do?   Why I’m going to do what I am calling my Arduous Eighty!

75 Hard

Last year on a total whim (do you see the trend) I started doing the 75 hard.  Literally it was a whim. I saw something about it and decided to stop being intrigued and just do it.  It was a Sunday morning.  I literally had that thought to just do it and got up off my chair and immediately went to the exercise bike and did the first workout…..no thought, not planning. 10 seconds between the thought to do it and the start of doing it!

I did it!  It was tough.  It was the middle of winter and that 45 minutes outside was tough.  I remember one day it was pouring down rain and just barely above freezing at 33°.  But outside I went to go for a walk.   Brrrr!  Windstorms, snowstorms, you name it I braved it.  And I finished the 75 hard. I felt great in terms of fitness.  But I lost no weight….because I did  not set my eating plan correctly.  I did it…and actually said that I would be open to doing it again!  (Evidenced in this post.)  

The Plan

I have not been against doing a 75 hard again.  However I don’t really want to do something that takes up 2 hours of my day.  Don’t get me wrong, I am worth the time end effort, but as I lay in bed thinking I knew that I had to do something that would stretch me in terms of effort but something that would also be achievable with my current schedule.  I knew it would involve exercise and I knew that it would involve a more strict dietary plan. But I also knew that while I want it to be strict and difficult that I also wanted it to be achievable. So here it is.  The Arduous Eighty plan:

 1.  Exercise once day.  20-30 minutes at a bare minimum.  If it is an hour, that still counts as ONE exercise.  No cheating!    I know from doing the 75 hard that it is possible to exercise daily.  But I also know that I was TIRED.  My body was really aching by the end of the challenge.  So I am giving myself a bit of grace.  I need 80 workouts.  So if I don't work out on a weekend day, that is fine, I just need to do a double exercise (once morning once evening) one day to make up for it!   Either way it's tough. (Oh and when we recommence with the dog walks in the morning, that does not count toward one of my exercises!)

2.  Water - 56-64 ounces of water.  I have been a bit lazy lately with my water, finishing 'half' of my required amount and then switching to soda and some days I just flat out start with soda.  Nope nope nope.  Arduous Eighty plan does not waiver on this.  get the 64 ounces.  (more is ok, less is NOT) There really isn't a fail plan in this one.  There is no back up plan to allow for a slip.  Water has to be drank each day.

3.   Eating plan.  Here is the biggie.  When I did the 75 hard, I did a loosey goosey plan.  I did restrict a bit, but not to the level that I need to in order to lose weight.  So I didn't lose a single solitary pound during those 75 days. (I did lose the week afterward when I had the flu though.  hahahaha).  I need to be more strict.  So this one is going to be the hardest.  My goal is 1400 calories a day (or less).   I know that it a bit low.  I also don't measure my food, so it probably isn't as low as that (that's my trade-off).     But that is the goal.  1400 a day.   9800 a week.  .....  Yes, if I have a day where I am over, well I sure as better eat really light the next day to make up the difference (hello sourkrat, celery and other REALLY low calorie food items).

4.  Read my bible every day.  I have been reading through the bible chronologically but slipped a bit and haven't been doing that as regularly.   This challenge, I'm adding that in.  (75 hard has you reading a non fiction book for 10 minutes a day...so this is pretty much the same thing).

And that's it!  Those four things...80 days!  This will take me the rest of the way through February, through March and to the very end of April.   An Arduous Eighty! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Zap Zap: Retina Tear Laser Surgery

 I survived the zap zap of my eye ball!  I was absolutely terrified!  I know that so many people have had laser surgeries and corrections done on their eyes, but it still terrified me!  One slip of the zap zap and well…..

I am writing this all down so that the next time should it happen I know what to expect and remember the experience.  Hey,  the retinas are thinning so it will most likely happen again.

The Consultation

First of all, the doctor’s office that I am going to is insane.   They treat the patients kindly, but like cattle.   Literally!   There is one doctor in the office each day.   So you wouldn’t expect to have a ton of people waiting, yet there are probably 30 people waiting….I kid you not! Standing room only at various points during my consultation.  You sit for at least 30-45 minutes before they first called me back.  They led me to a machine in the hall where they took the scans of my eyes.   Then they ushered me back to the waiting room where I sat crowded together with 29 of my new besties!  And you then wait again….until they call you back…for the next step in the exam.  And then back to the waiting room you go.   When I called the other people waiting my besties, I kid you not….we were all talking to each other….it didn’t matter if you knew someone or not, we were all in the same boat.  Back and forth to an office to get the next step of your exam done and then back to the waiting room.  Finally about 2-3 hours after my appointment time I got called back and placed into a different office.  And I finally got to see the doctor…..for about 5 minutes.   

 

This doctor is highly recommended. Supposedly one of the best in the area.  But there is no bedside manner whatsoever.  He never really even spoke directly to me other than to tell me to look up…look right…look left.  Etc.  At the end of his short exam he vaguely said ‘you have to holes in your retina, set up an appointment for in two weeks’     I’m not even sure if the comment was made to me or the nurse in the room.   I did jump in and ask ‘what restrictions in terms of driving and work for after the appointment’.   ‘No restrictions ‘ was added that the procedure would be mere minutes and my vision would be  dark for a minute or two and then I would be back to normal.   When I said ‘oh shucks I was hoping to get off of work’ he did laugh and say ‘I can write you a note to get off work if you want the time off’   I passed because I’m not wasting my PTO time on something like that.    But that was the extent of my ‘consultation’  I know about the thinning retina and the pre-glaucoma because he told the nurse in the room to notate it on my chart while I was there.   That’s it…nothing else.   I verified with the receptionist on the way out that I could definitely drive after the procedure and had no restrictions and should only be about an hour long.  I set up the appointment and I walked out a bit in shock with an appointment for two weeks out.  I actually called in a few days before the procedure to triple check that there were no restrictions.

The day of the appointment  

I was one of the first people to have an appointment, so I hoped it would be a faster visit.  I will start by saying that it was only an hour…but I did make the back and forth to the waiting room once or twice as they dilated my eyes and numbed my eyeball.  

The final room where the procedure was done was dimly lit. The doctor walked in and he asked me to tell him what I was there for.  I laughed and said , I sure hope you know!’  But he did say ‘in your words’  so I flat out said, you are going to zap zap my eye balls.  He said ‘perfect description.  I also asked him if he had been out drinking and carousing the night before, cuz I needed a steady hand.  He chuckled and said he felt pretty good that day.  And then it started…

The Laser Procedure 

The doctor moved into positio what looked like a little cup (now don't take my word, I got a quick glance at it as he moved into position).  He used that to look into my eye.  It was a bright white light.  I immediately relaxed.  He was just looking at that point.  But then the white light changed to green lines that were flashing.  They flashed and flashed.  It started to get uncomfortable.  Yes I could feel it on my eyeball.  It was hurting and I started to wonder how much longer I could take.  Cuz seriously, it was not feeling good.  And then it stopped.  It was the longest 5 minutes of my life…..even though it was probably only seconds! (I wasn’t timing but realistically I KNOW it was probably no longer than 20-30 seconds…it just felt like forever.)  I wasn’t timing but I was  so relieved to be done!  

Then he looked at my chart and was like, ok let’s work on the second one.  Yes, I had to go through it again because I had not one tear but two!  Same thing.  White light and then the green laser flashes.  Another 10 minutes (felt like it….but once again probably only seconds) of laser flashes zapping my eyeballs and it was done.

I made the remark at that point that ‘well that was enough to give you a headache’  and he responded with, yeah we didn’t want to tell you to scare you.   What???

The doctor ran this wand over my closed eye lid (I asked, ultrasound to check the position of the floaters in my eye) which took all of 10 seconds (seriously…seconds) and he was prepared to leave the room.  He said ‘make an appointment in 4-6 months for a check.  (From talking in the waiting room I had already ascertained that following a retina tear and subsequent correction that it usually entails 6 months checks for further tears)  And that was it.

The Aftermath

The dimness only lasted maybe thirty seconds, not even enough to really register in my brain, plus they had the room so dim that it wasn't very obvious.  By the time I got up from the chair and made my way to the front reception desk to make my follow-up appointment there was no dimness at all.  The appointment was quickly made and I was out the door at almost exactly the hour mark.

I broke down and sobbed as soon as I walked out the door.  Sobbing as I made my way across the parking lot and into my car.   It was over, and I had survived with my eyesight intact.  I wiped my tears (the tears were washing the yellow dilation solution out so my tears in that eye were yellow) and got myself under control.  It was time to start my day.   

Except that I could feel my eyeball.  

I could feel every bone in my face around my eye.

My eye was dilated to the max, making things blurry in that one eye.  (And making me look higher than a kite).

Yeah, recovery wasn't 'bad'.  I wasn't in pain.  But it felt as if I had taken a punch in the face, right in the eyeball.   A punch that caused my eye to hurt.....and my cheekbone to hurt....and whatnot.  I felt like I got decked.  I felt like I was back after my accident on the bicycle where I landed on my face.  The aftermath of that accident felt exactly the same as this procedure.  However, after that accident, I was black and blue ......there was no evidence of anything like that after this procedure.

I was just tired and ready to call it a day and sleep off the ache in my face that first day.  However, I made it through the work day and managed to be productive (even with a blurry eye....because that dilation lasted about 6-7 hours).  

 Day two was much better.  When I woke up I noticed almost immediately that moving my eyeball to the extreme (like rolling my eyes, or looking out of the corner of my eye) hurt.  It also hurt to touch my eyelid or even around my eye.  And my eye just felt heavy and tired, if that makes any sense.

Day three I was almost better, just felt a bit of heaviness in my eye.  Not pain, not uncomfortable like the two previous days, I just felt it and was aware that my eye was there.    

By day four I was back to normal.

Conclusion 

I wish my doctor had given me some kind of paperwork so I knew what to expect.  Was that normal to feel like you ran into a fist?  Should my eye be that sensitive to touch?  I have no clue if it was normal.  Sure I went to "Doc Google" but that was just more confusing as I saw that many times there were restrictions for a week afterward.  Things like bending over, lifting heavy things, etc.  A lot of the sites also included the fact that antibiotic drops would probably be prescribed to protect during healing?   Hmmmmm  I wish there had been more direct and clear communication.

I know that the odds of me having to have another procedure are pretty high.  Will I stay with this doctor?  If he is the best to complete the procedure?   Probably, I want the best because we only get one set of eyes.  But I will freely admit that I have thought about researching and switching doctors to someone that is a bit more 'user friendly'.  Someone that will take the time to actually talk about it, a place that doesn't treat you like cattle, and someone that actually takes the time to print a simple page of aftercare instructions/FAQ's.  But a switch remains to be seen.

Will I take off the full day after the appointment?  I'm torn on that.   At times I say, 'absolutely'!  Simply because I was still dilated to the max (my coworkers kept coming up to me to laugh at my one dilated eye....ok and to check on me.) and while normal activity was not noticable with one blurry eye, working on the computer was tough.   But even that is not the reason.  The reason I sometimes say I would take the day off is just that tiredness from my face aching!  It got to me!     But that said, do I want to waste a PTO day to sit at home with an aching face?  Probably not, not when I have proven that I can still be productive at work after the procedure.   So really it just boils down to what I"m feeling at the time.    

Consumed

 How are we already 18 days into the new year?  I feel like the year just started and yet here we are. Other than my eyeballs, it's been a normal couple weeks, but it just feels like it's flying by.  That could be because I am busy with life.  But maybe, it is because I am consumed!

Weight Loss

You know, this blog is about weight loss, so I guess I should start with that.  I lost another pound this week at my official weigh in.  (Go me!)  At my current weight I know that with effort it SHOULD be a lot more than that.  But I am chalking up the singular pound to two things.   Number one, I am in my 50's.  And dang if it's not more difficult to lose weight in your 50's!  But the real reason is reason number two which is, I am not tracking calories.  I am not doing anything 'diet' related.  Nope not one single thing.  Nada.  

Ok, maybe one or two little things now that I think about it, technically.  But then again...technically not.   Ok, let me share what I AM doing and you can decide.    

* I am tracking my food.  On paper.  No fancy weight loss apps.  No calories.  No nuttin'! Every day in my day planner I am simply writing down what I eat.  For example: Breakfast - Special K cereal with milk, Lunch - PB & J, applesauce, banana, Dinner- Roast beef with potatoes and carrots.    I am not measuring how much, I am just indicating what I ate. The only exception is one day when I had some cheese puffs with a sandwich and I wrote beside it 'too many'.  Other than that, I am simply keeping track of what I am eating.

* I am weighing myself.   Officially it is weekly, but I admit to stepping on the scales randomly throughout the week.

* I am trying to be more cognizant of what I am eating in terms of nutrition, such as adding more fruits and veggies.  I am limiting my sweet treat to once on a weekend. (Holy cow did that Dairy Queen Blizzard taste good last night!)   And I am trying to focus on how I am feeling versus eating more food simply because it tastes good or eating simply because the clock says it's a mealtime.  

It's slow.  But I think it's healthier for my mind at this point.  I just celebrated my 20th year of writing on here.  That is 20 years of struggling with my weight.  That is 20 years of tracking calories and trying to limit and restrict food.  It's been 20 years of forgetting who I am and living and breathing weight loss.  It's time for something different.  It's time to get in my head and rewire my brain.

Exercise

I have been slow to start anything really in depth in terms of exercise.  I did start my flexibility and mobility class.  I like the class but have issues with it.

Likes:

    *  I love the 15 minutes of stretching at the end.  She starts us at the top of our body and moves down our body one stretch at a time.  Feels fantastic.

   * Instructor is incredibly friendly.

   * Local small business

Dislikes:

    * Even knowing that I have arthritis in my knees it is very heavy on squats and lunges.  Which don't get me wrong, those things are fantastic and needed.  But my knee twinges after the class and while I am pushing through, I do wonder how long before my knees erupt. Ok ok ok, maybe erupt is a bit dramatic, but I do wonder how long before my knees decide that the period of slight twinges is over and it's time to really scream at me.   I am continuing in the hopes that the benefits of the squats and lunges show up before the knee pain screams!  (It really is a balancing act as I know that squats and lunges will strengthen the muscles which will help support the knee.......etc etc etc)

   *  It's class form but one night a week it is only myself and the instructor.  And the other night it is only myself, the instructor and one other person.  I thrive on the social aspect of a class.

   *I'm a little disconcerted that they (instructor and other class member) are huffing and puffing. Sweating, panting and breathing hard through the class. She keeps asking me if I am sore.....Nope.  Not at all! (other than my knee twinge which I mentioned).   But yeah, I'm disconcerted with their heavy breathing and sweating while I am literally feeling like it's a stroll in the park.  Am I in better shape than I thought? (Maybe I am still feeling the positive effects of that 75 day hard that I did in early 2025).  I even looked at my stats to see how I was handling the class!  

 Sure my heart rate is elevated but looking at my Garmin stats, no more than it is during my morning dog walk!

Or this day where there really is no discernible spike for the class at 6PM. Although looking at the chart  I am trying to figure out why I spiked high heart rates throughout the day. (And the time that is blank is because I had to remove my watch when I took my notary exam....no watches, phones purses, ANYTHING could be on me. I literally could only have my ID in my pocket and my car key) 

Zap Zap of the Eyeball and General Life

I have my laser surgery to fix the holes in my retina on Thursday.  I'm still terrified, but it's not like I have any choice in the matter.  Uncorrected the holes may enlarge and eventually cause retina detachment.  That could adversely affect my eyesight.  Losing my vision terrifies me even more, so laser surgery it is.

I have received all of my required documents for my notary commission. So some day this upcoming week (most likely after the zap zap of my eyeball on Thursday) I will go to be sworn in and then stop at another office to register my signature.  It makes sense to do it that day as I will be going to work late that day due to the zap zap appointment and thus the offices that I need will be open to allow me to get these things done.   

Consumed by my Miniature Dollhouses

Maybe it's a good thing that I am consumed by my dollhouse/miniature stuff.  Otherwise, I would be a wreck about the zap zap appointment.   

Maybe it's a good thing that I am consumed by my dollhouse/miniature stuff.  Otherwise, I would be more focused on food.

Maybe it's a good thing that I ........  oh well you get it!

Yes, I am consumed.  I think about my projects constantly.  What am I currently building.  What am I planning on building.  What do I need to buy.  What do I need to make.  What can I add.  This mansion that I am planning to build is a HUGE project.  I am referring to it as my grand opus.  There are a TON of rooms and I'm not making them tiny.  (Some dollhouses really condense things, I am condensing somewhat but not a whole lot!)  It's fun....and being consumed isn't a bad thing.

Being consumed allows me to occupy my mind in a healthy way. Being consumed allows me to take that focus away from my weight loss journey. The mind consuming  dollhouse/miniatures help me fill the void left when I remove the utter focus on weight loss as I work to retrain my mind.   It allows me to not think and focus about those things that make me sad and depressed in life.  It gives me a healthy creative outlet for my time. (I have always been one that is happiest when I am doing something creative....writing, quilting, crocheting, etc)  And seriously, it's just fun!  I just sit and giggle with glee when I make something or finally put something together to make a scene.  Just the other day I made a runner sled...this is the prototype, I plan on making another one with a few things 'corrected' in the next day or two!  So yeah, consumed!

Life is marching on, fast.  And for the time being, I'm doing ok.