Heading into the Weekend

My eating has been sporadic,but it does look as if I'm holding my weight steady with this new 'not tracking' dealio.  I've seen myself slip a bit through this week though, so I need to totally tighten up the eating.  :-)

I have been filled with self doubt about actually completing this 10k.   I felt so awesome on my run on Wednesday and totally fell apart my next run.  In fairness to that next run, it was on a treadmill (Which I hate) and the room was HOT!  I however am not giving up!  NO, not me.  I'm going to complete this or die trying.  (Ok, maybe death is not a good way to put it, but honestly at this point death or injury is about the only thing that will keep me from it.)  But I'm fearful about completing it.  I'm fearful about being so slow that (whatever my mind conjures up actually happens).    I'm not giving up.  I'm training.  I'm consistently training.  I'm going to do this!      I actually just booked a hotel from for my friend Paula and I the night before the run.  I've spent the money...I'm doing it!!!!

And here is the thing........facing fear in the face and overcoming that fear is awesome for two reasons.  Doing what you are afraid of opens new doors but even more importantly the sense of pride when I overcome is amazing!!!!!!   October 5th at around noon I'll be feeling that awesome "sense of pride!"

Up tomorrow.....a 5 mile run.  I'm hoping the rain holds so that I can run it tomorrow versus push it off until Sunday.

Dancing Like Mad

My training is still spot on.  I'm running when I need to run and cross training/zumba-ing when I need to zumba.  I'm resting when it says rest.  I will say that I have had to do some minor adjustment in the schedule.  For example on Tuesday I was supposed to run 3 miles.  I ran that on Monday and did zumba on Tuesday evening.  I have also been adding in an extra run during the week. (I ran on Monday and did my zumba).  I'm a woman on a mission.   Ironicallly enough on Monday I ran and then followed it up with zumba and I had more energy at zumba then I knew what to do with.  I only zumba'ed on Tuesday ad felt sluggish.  Go figure????

The eating is going well.  I'm cognizant of what I'm eating.  Trying to maintain the balance of food, which means a heavy (high caloric) lunch means a light (low caloric) dinner.    I've had some days where I've just been flat out hungry.  And some days where food hasn't had a grip on me.  Ironically enough on Monday I wasn't all that hungry.  Yet I ran my three miles in the morning and did zumba in the evening.   However, on Tuesday I was ravenous.   I still didn't eat crazy.  (Egg and cheese sandwich for breakfast, turkey and cheese wrap with some applesauce for lunch, pudding cup for a snack and turkey burger , rice and applesauce for dinner.)   It made sense to me though,  because on Monday I burned a ton of calories and I KNOW I didn't eat a ton (waffle and hashbrowns for breakfast, protein banana shake for lunch, grapes for a snack, a grilled cheese and pretzels for dinner).

Yes, I'm falling down on the fruits and veggies....gotta beef those up!

Meanwhile, this morning I powered through my run.  I did NOT give in to the mental mind game to 'walk' the one incline that I usually have problems with.  I have KNOWN that it is a mental game and today I was determined to power through it.  I had a nice intervention.   A friend texted me right as I hit the bottom of the incline.  I fiddled with my phone to take a picture of myself (never missing a step)


I then texted the picture and a few words back.  By the time I was done with that, I found myself halfway up the hill.  Yes, I later thanked that friend!!!!

I got back to the car HAPPY.  I ran every step and I didn't stop when I hit the three mile mark. I was only scheduled for three miles and yes, I knew when I hit it.  However, I ran until the spot that I had decided to run to.  And weirdly enough, I probably could have gone longer.....in all honesty.  (my legs may differ, they are tight and achy again today)

I had a slight problem on my run.  I sweated...BAD...and it looked like I peed my pants. What in the world?   I have a picture, but I think I'll pass on sharing it.  HA HA HA....ok, what the heck!

So my pace is still freakishly slow but hey, I'll take it!!!!!!!

I mentioned my Saturday run???  Did I mention that I ran through the Ides of Hell? It was horribly humid and horribly hot.  But I did it.   Two things happened after that run.

One.  My legs flat outright ached the rest of the day.  Not enough to hinder me from doing anything but just achy.  

Secondly I started to obsess. MY time was slooooow.  Like 14.30 minutes per mile slow.  That's even slow for me!  (A minute slower a mile). I started to panic.   But I a squashed that fear and doubt down and vowed to not let it get to me.

Sunday was a simple walk tow miles day in the te raining schedule.  Easy right??? I t was such a cinch that by 5pm I hadn't completed it yet and it was looming.  I prepared to go home after a day with my family and my sister in law offered to walk it with me.   Thank you Cindy!!!!  2 miles complete in 30 minutes.  (Which goes to show you exactly how slow I was on Saturday!!)

Monday I got up and ran.  I knew that my normal Tuesday run would most likely  not happen (seriously I woke up at 5AM last week to make it happen and realized exactly how'd ark it is out there at that time....I didn't run in the morning).  So I ran this morning.  It was soooo nice outside!!!

Yes from the Ides of Hell on. Saturday to 54 degrees.  Today's run was awesome weather!!!!   And my time was more than a minute faster per mile.  Still slow but more what I expected.   My legs managed ok.  I could feel them, but not really sore and achy.  That is until after work when I added an hour of Zumba Step to my activity!!!!  Fun fun!!!

Now me legs are sore.   Todd came home from teaching his class up in Frostburg and found me luxuriating in the hot tub....eating part if my dinner!

And my experiment is working.  The weight is dropping pretty consistently.  :-). I want to add that I don't think this would work for me if I didn't have the base of right years of tracking and balancing my food intake as experience.  I had to learn those lessons in order for this to work!!!!

That's about it.  Nothing wise....raw....sad....funny.  Just me doing what I need to do!!!

Staying focused and so much happier without the stress if trackig at this time.  (That said I know the rough calorie count of everything I ate so it's not as if I don't have a clue.  I'm just not worried about it.  Saturday and Sunday I was 'probably' a but high in calories....today I'm just not hungry so I'm 'probably' on the low side! Who knows for sure.   As long as the scales are going down...I don't care!!!!

Sore legs and some fear all rolled into one

Hooooooo-leeeeeeee  smokes, it was hot out there for my long run of the week. The canal was muddy as all get out too!!!

  

I woke up and immediately started stressing about the run.  I typically run 2.5-3 miles at a pop. So pushing it up to 4 miles was a jump.  I dreaded it and worried about it.  Yes, I did.  But I gritted my teeth and went out. (Later than normal simply because of my procrastination and worry).  I doubted myself the whole run.  Telling myself I couldn't make the whole thing.  I did make it.  I managed 4.12 miles.  This week. I've only topped that one other time (effortlessly it seemed at the time too...hmm).    So I am slowly pushing up my mileage.  It was also muddy on the canal this morning!    The last mile was brutally hot. I did it though.  It was slow..but I did it!!!!!!       

As for the rest of the day....my legs are SORE...all day they have been sore and just achy!  

Eating today, I did eat a bit extra for lunch (my breakfast was light and we went to lunch shortly after my run was complete.....yeah, I ate Chinese....and I was hungry!)  My weight was done again this morning though.  So maybe...just maybe I have figured out a plan that will work for me ...right where I'm at in this journey!  I even had a little tires after dinner (a kiddie size!!!)

I was answering an email to a friend the other day and the words just poured forth and made me think.

Teaching in PG county was a horrid experience for me.  It was the end of a dream for me.  It was the beginning of a life of fear.

I went to PG county to accept a teaching position as  a pretty confident gal.  I wasn’t not worried about moving to a city hours away from family where I had no friends.  I was not worried about starting a new job in a notoriously rough area of the city.  I was ready to face the world head on with a spring in my step and a sparkle of confidence in my eyes.   Things didn't go as I planned. My life long dreams went up in flames.   I ended up leaving the teaching profession a broken and battered woman.  Because I have vowed to be totally honest and brutal, I will just say it…I left in a state of depression that was at the most dangerous level.  Yes, I seriously contemplated and made the first feeble steps to kill myself to end the misery of existence and my broken dreams.  It was ugly but I got out and the depression lifted and I was ok.

But was I really ok?

Where a fearless (relatively) girl once stood there now stood a broken and fearful person.  I was afraid of my own shadow.  What if something went sour with what I was doing?  What if I found myself in a situation like PG County again?  What if I failed at whatever I wanted to try, just like I had failed in PG County?  What if?  What if?  What if?

I retreated.  I stopped dreaming because my dreams could lead to failure.  I stepped back and allowed life to move on without me.  Oh, I’ve stayed up on things. I’m not still living in the stone ages with dial up internet, no cell phone and a black and white tv (ok ok ok, I haven’t seen a black and white tv since the 70’s and I actually had a cell phone when I was in PG County….same number I still have today actually….ha ha)  But I’ve stopped dreaming.  I’ve stopped pushing myself out of my comfort zone because of fear.  I stopped doing things because of the what ifs. 

My life changed because of this fear.  I stopped pushing myself to achieve dreams and goals.  I stopped striving to be the best because the potential for failure was too great.  I stopped trying and settled for second best.

In the last few years I’ve started to see these fears for what they are.  Irrational.   I’ve started to try to push myself past the comfort zone and face these fears head on.  I’ve been successful.  I have pushed myself past some of my fears.  Each and every time, they all turned out to be  irrational fears yet they almost immobilized me.

Traveling by myself?  How crazy was it to fear that?  Yes, I almost got stuck in an airport and had to do a mad dash that even the flight attendant said was a futile attempt.  But if I hadn’t have made it what is the worst that would have happened?  I would have called in to work the next day (since I obviously would have been not in town to work) and I would have hopped the next available flight.   It was a totally irrational fear.  And you know what I learned that weekend?  I LOVE traveling by myself. 

Running.  I can’t even talk about how fearful I am with running.  I was petrified to run Paws on the Pavement the first time.  I did it by myself and the fear was intense!  I had run a few 5k’s before; but I had always run them in the company of a friend.  This one was I was totally on my own and I was afraid.    Yet I pushed myself to do it.   There were parts I wasn’t fond of (the boring wait between arrival and the start…that isn’t really fun by yourself) but I did it and that run was my BEST EVER time for a 5k!   I actually ran the most recent Donut Alley Rally by myself (although my husband was in the crowd waiting for me, so I wasn’t totally alone).   It turned out to be an irrational fear. 

The other week it took everything I had to admit my love of writing and my desire to actually do something with it.  Fear, plain and simple. But I’m doing it regardless.  Because if I don’t I’ll always wonder what if. (and I have already wasted years of not following the dream because of fear!)

So I’ve been trying to push myself out of this fear.  I want the confident girl back.  I want the confident girl that headed out into the unknown so many years ago to come back.  I don’t like the life that this revised version of MaryFran leads.   Just accepting what life doles out is no longer an option.   I’m clawing my way back and pushing through the fears. 

That’s not to say that my mind is not still filled with these what ifs.  Oh, they are there. But you know what?  I’m going to face them when they happen.  I’m worried and stressed and fearful about running this 10k.  (I’m SLOOOOOW…and my body is really feeling my current 3 miles).  But you know what.  What’s the worst that will happen?  I have to stop?  I get swept (I don’t even know if they sweep the course at this run….but I’m thinking that at my current pace of 13.30…that I should be ok)?   I trip and hurt an ankle?  Oh well, it will be a good story to tell at work the next week.  The fear is irrational.  

(Ok today was slower than 13:30)

The Nike slogan makes so much sense to me now….. JUST DO IT!  No excuses, no fears…JUST DO IT!

Experimental

I’ve been thinking long and hard about tracking my food.  I’ve tracked my food for 8 years, more than 8 years if I want to be honest with myself.  For most of that time it’s been a near religious adherence.  Oh, that’s not to say that I haven’t had a week or two where I just didn’t track.  That’s also not to say that what I’m tracking has been utterly healthy for me.  But I’ve pretty consistently written down my food intake for eight long years.  I’ve had incredible success with it.  I lost quite a bit of weight.  I also gained quite a bit of weight.  (Luckily I gained quite a bit less than I lost….and for that I am grateful.)  Tracking worked for me.  Plain and simple, it worked.

I don’t know if you noticed something about that last sentence.  “Plain and simple, it worked.”  Still don’t see it?   It was written in past tense.  It worked.  It’s no longer working.  I can track until I’m blue in the face and it isn’t working.  Last weekend I wasn’t tracking but was totally cognizant of what I ate and I was showing a loss on the scales.  I decided to jump back into tracking and it all went to pot.  Seriously.  I’ve thought about it and come up with some thoughts about why it got rough once I started tracking.

1. The process of tracking is SO old.  I’m sick of it.  It’s the same old same old.  Boring!
2.  I am constantly thinking about food. I’m thinking about how many calories I have left for the day and what in the world I can eat that will fill me up but yet stay within those calories.  I stress about the days where I’m left with 200 calories for dinner.  (And anyone that has counted calories will say that this happens!  Heck, I’ve been there with less than 200 calories for my dinner!).  I then have a stellar day with calories left over and I eat ice cream just because I can.   It’s constant and it’s honestly stressful.   Tracking has elevated the importance of food from its previous high and lofty place to a God-like status.
3. When I have a day where I’m low on calories it becomes a mental game.  My mind is screaming at me. “You’re going to be hungry with just those few calories.”  In reality, I should be satisfied with that food and probably would have…until those thoughts started floating around in my head. 

I’m absolutely petrified to not track.  Let’s be honest here. For the last 8 years tracking has been a way of life.  It’s been my crutch on this weight loss journey (The rubber gripper on the bottom just slipped off a few times causing me to fall!  Ha ha ha).  To not track scares the living doo doo out of me.  Holy cow, what if I slip and gain a ton of weight.  What if tracking is what has kept me from regaining ALL of the weight that I had lost.  I’m frightened!  Frightened beyond belief.

So I have been thinking about it.   Here is the guidelines I’ve come up for myself to give myself some semblance of support as I try to go trackless.

1. Weigh daily.  I have always done this when I’m on track.  I understand that there will be fluctuations based on the time of the month, the sodium in the foods that I am eating the day before, what time I had dinner the night before, etc.  I’m ok with fluctuations. I can understand those.
2. Fruits and Veggies.   My body needs the nutrition of fruits and vegetables.  And voila, they are usually low calorie.  I’ve historically seen that when I’m eating my minimum of 5 fruits and  vegetables daily that my weight seems to drop.  I’m filling up on low calorie and highly nutritious foods.   So I will be eating at least 5 servings a day. 
3. Carbs.  This makes me sad.  So sad.  But I have long known that I have to limit my bread and pasta intake to once a day.  Just the way it needs to be sadly enough. (I’m not even going to look into the natural carbs in fruit and such…..it’s the breads and pastas that kill me.
4. Blog.  Regularly!   And honestly!    That does not mean once a week.  That means every one to two days.  Be honest about where I’m at and what I’m going through. 
5. Exercise.  This will only work if I am consistently exercising.  Something.
6. Eat using the same principles that I have been using while tracking.  If I have a big dinner planned, then that means that I better eat light for lunch and breakfast.   

I’m scared, but I’m ready to dive head first into this.  Hopefully my plan of eating what I need and not what my projected calorie count tells me to eat will pay off.  I can always start tracking if it doesn’t appear to be working and I can and probably will do spot checks on my calorie count here and there.  I will be and plan on remaining cognizant of the calories that I’m eating.  I’m just not going to panic over it and count each and every one. 

On the flip side, I'm happy to be away from MyFitnesspal's "streak".  It's cool when you have a huge streak but it became just one more thing to stress about.  I literally logged on when I had the flu last summer.  I didn't leave my bed, let alone eat.  Yet logged on to 'maintain my streak"   That's just odd!

Let this experiment begin!

And after all of this rambling.....I lost 2 pounds this week!  (I went back to my trackless eating yesterday)

A little bit of this and a little bit of that

Today I actually felt really good about myself.  I noticed that I walked with more confidence and a larger smile and I just felt ready to tackle the world.  Hmmmmm  Could it be the 4 runs that I've had the last couple days somehow affecting my brain?   Interesting.

Meanwhile, I think I have learned a valuable lesson.  I've long known that eating a bowl of cereal usually doesn't tie me over to lunchtime. I'm hungry well before lunch.  I ate a bowl of cereal for breakfast...a late breakfast at that. (9AM..after I ran).  By 11 AM I was practically drooling at the thought of food.  I actually made it until about 1 before I caved and had lunch.  I ate my lunch and the ravenous hunger went away but I never felt satisfied.  I made it home to dinner and I just about gnawed the kitchen apart to get to food.  I ate and waited.  I was still hungry so I ate some more.  And waited.  Seriously????  I was still hungry.  What is wrong with me?????   I ate over my calorie goal by probably 400-500 calories.  Much more food than I'm sure I  needed.  So my question is this.  Once that 'I'm so hungry feeling' comes will it pervade my thinking until I stuff myself almost to the brink (or in many cases over the brink) of being over-full?   Food for thought.

This little impromptu eating pondering brings my thoughts to another aspect.  Tracking.  I didn't track a bit this weekend.  Yet I lost.  I started tracking yesterday....and today...and I'm already obsessive about my calories.  Hmmmmmm....I've been doing this a fair amount of time....maybe I do know how to properly eat for my body.  But then again....I've been stuck in the same weight vortex for how long?  Yeah, maybe I better keep tracking.

My running is still happening.  Today was a cross train day.  Zumba was cancelled and I just felt like running...so I went running this morning.  2.2 miles.  It was a much easier run this morning than it was last night (and 1 minute faster per a mile).   I will be running my scheduled training run tomorrow morning...at least 2.5 miles.    And Friday is a blessed rest day!  :-)  

The running schedule and my excitement over it brought the thought into my head.  I work well with a deadline looming.  I knew about this 10k AGES ago....I could have started training for it eons back.  I didn't...then I was ready to quit.....circumstances brought it to the forefront and here I am busting my butt to achieve it.  I thrive with a challenge and a deadline...one that I can't back out of!!!!!!  Hmmmm   Well, maybe not thrive.  Ask me on October 6th if I thrived!  (thriving is finishing the race AND having lost the 10 pounds that I vowed to lose)

And as for the weight......dangit, I wrote last night about the 3 pound loss.....this morning I was up two pounds.  ha ha ha.  I was dying of thirst when I woke up though so hopefully the 120 plus ounces of water I drank today washed the water retention out of me!

Neither rain, humidity or heat will keep me.......

I have been weighing myself everyday....and I'm happy to say that the scales are looking good.   I weighed myself on Friday my 'first day of 10K training'.    I am proud to say that I'm down 3 pounds since then.  I know that a good bit of this is probably water weight loss.  But you know what....I'll take it.  Sadly, at the beginning of this 10k journey my weight was at the top end of this weight loss vortex that I've been stuck in.   So I'm still 3 pounds away from leaving it far behind, but I'm working on it!!!

So this morning.  I had plans for my morning.  I set my alarm for 5AM.  I had grand plans to get my scheduled run completed before I needed to leave the house (which was a few minutes before 7 AM).   I had absolutely no problem waking up at 5.  But dang, it was so dark outside, I just couldn't do it.  I laid in bed and relaxed for a while and then threw my running clothes into my gym bag and headed out the door.  There was no doubt in my mind, I was running after work.

And then......I started to get severe storm warnings on my phone.  GRRRR  And at about 4:45 a monsoon blew in and it poured down rain.  I started to have doubts about my run.  A light drizzle or a steady rain is ok but a downpour with wind and lightening.....maybe not.

Luckily for me, it cleared up and I changed my clothes and headed out to run.

It was a rough run.  I was slow and it was so humidly hot, but I did it.  I had planned to do 3 miles (my schedule demanded 2.5).  I'm sorry to say that I didn't make the 3.  I did however make it 2.67 (and I walked the last half mile)

I did it....and all I'll say is that this was the. Best. Sight. Ever!

Labor Day....you ain't kidding

Labor Day arrived.   Thank goodness I was off work!  That makes any day a good one!!!   I got up early and out some food together for dinner as we were having friends over.  I rille through that stuff as fast as possible as Todd and I wanted to get out in the canal.   

It was just a tad bit humid and warm.  But we walked a few miles.  

After walking we ran an errand or two and then grabbed lung before heading home. I chose a healthy option.  

Once home I hung up a new rack for my hats.   I've never been a hat person.  But seriously, hard keep my unruly hair contained and it has the added benefit of keeping the sweat from dripping down my face.  Win win!!!!    So now my hats are hanging!!!

Next up?   Mowing!   An hour and fifteen minutes in the heat (and a little rain) and I decided that te main yard was enough I wasn't doing the far edges or far field!  No way...push mowing is hot hard work!   Just for a giggle I turned on the mapmy...app it amuses me...because I can guarantee that I mowed in a reasonable manner....an I promise you I did NOt mow the road or go across te street to mow the neighbora yard.  But, hey, it's worth a laugh!

The evening was spent with friends that came over for the evening.   Fun times!!!!

Running to beat the band

Friday morning I woke up and headed out the door.  My training for this 10K commenced on Friday morning. 

 I hadn't worked up a training plan yet.  I did that when I got to work on Friday.  I researched it because, hello....I've only got 5 weeks until this 10k.  I have to double my mileage and hopefully increase my speed over the next 5 weeks.  So I need a plan!

And a plan I created!  It calls for three runs and one walk a week...and two days of cross training. (ok, so zumba may not be exactly what they were talking about..but it's what I'm gonna do!)  Actually it was a four week plan that I tweaked for my purposes. I have sent this on to Paul and she is supposed to be doing the same plan with me.  Meanwhile, I also went on and actually paid for my registration for this 10k.  It's in Leesburg, VA on October 5th...raising money for the Wounded Warriors.

At first I panicked about the training schedule. One one hand I just cancelled my gym membership. So if it rains I'm up the creek.  YIKES.   And secondly, I have other obligations and desires that I have to work around.  I have made the commitment to get up super early to complete my runs if need be.  I am GOING TO DO THIS!  I will stick to the schedule.  What's a little sleep.  Satisfaction is more important, on so many different levels!  And being honest...I an get those runs in after work too. It's not the end of the world.

So this morning I got up.  I KNEW I had a three mile run on the schedule.  I dressed for it...and then procrastinated.  Afterall I had all day!  Well, almost all day.  Our refrigerator went belly up and the new one was to be delivered between 3 and 5 in the afternoon.  I didn't want to cut it too close so at 11 I headed out knowing it was 'now or never' and never was not an option.  I got myself laced up and walked out the door.  And....

Are you serious??????

RAIN!!!!

Not a problem.  I went back in and threw my phone in a ziploc bag ...I call it my i-baggy  (I don't have a water proof case...but I may have to invest when I get my new phone).  I went out.  The drizzle stopped so I was fine anyway.


I got about 1.5 miles into run and my phone rang.  I didn't recognize the number but answered it.  It was the delivery guys letting me know that they would be at my house in 30 minutes.  Uhhhhhhhhhh   I had 1.5 miles to run to get to my car and then a short drive to get home.  I booked it.....well as much as a turtle slogging through peanut butter can book it!  And yes, I made it!!!!!!!  A little red in the face, but I made it!

And the guys came with the fridge shortly thereafter!  YAY!!!  A fridge that is not leaking!!!!!  And sadly, not many options for the space that was available to me.  Like model was the only one available to me for the width and height.....and yes, I was tempted to rip out the cabinets and wall to get a bigger fridge!!!!   :(   But it at least made shopping easy for me!  :-)

I waited until the fridge had proven it's cooling abilities to me (that it was working).  And then I headed to town to buy groceries.  I did make one stop on the way to the store.  And I did my brother proud.  I fixed a flat tire on a friend's bike.

Tomorrow is a cross train day. No running scheduled.  So maybe just maybe Todd and I will be able to get a bike ride in. (after I fix a flat on his bike of course.) However, the 'infernal pond project' may suck up our time.  We do have water in the ponds and it seems to be going well....we just have to haul more stones....and dig the line for the electrical stuff (for some reason I don't want extension cords running across my yard)

hocus-pocus make me a runner

I have long ago realized that this weight loss journey is truly one that encompasses all aspects of my life.  I lost all the weight before did it with a single minded focus on just fixing the weight.  I didn't look at what made me overweight in the first place.  I didn't focus on fixing the triggers that prompted me to turn to food.  I didn't look at my life as a whole.  I only focused on the food.

Now, I totally realize that I can never take all of the triggers that prompt me to turn to food away.  I like food.  I am admittedly a picky eater but I still love the tastes and textures of different foods.  I know that realistically for me to deny myself certain foods is not an option.  It’s not a plan that is sustainable.  I am looking for a plan that is valid for longevity.  

I’m not really doing all that great with my eating.  I’m doing better with indiscriminate eating.  My eating is still contained to mealtimes. That’s good, but not good enough.

Today luckily was the first day since Sunday that I rolled out of bed and didn't feel pain in my back.  I didn't realize it until I was in the shower this morning that I had experienced no pain.   I've been pretty much pain free all day today.  YAY.  That means that I’ll be ready to kick exercise back into gear!!!! 

And I will be kicking exercise into high gear VERY soon.  Earlier this year (way back in January or February actually) I sat down and looked at possible runs. I had been toying with running a half marathon this year.  I did back down to saying I was going to be realistic and make my goal a 10k for this year.  Well, I've been so lax about everything that I ran the Donut Alley Rally with little prep. I ran it on heart and soul.   I swore I was going to start running regularly but it just never happened.  I kind of ignored the fact that I had this 10k goal in my mind.  I admittedly looked at the calendar and thought about the fact that the 10K I had chosen (For wounded warriors again…same as Donut Alley Rally) was fast approaching.  I just figured ‘out of sight, out of mind’.   That worked until today when my good friend Paula posted on facebook that she’s going to run a 10k.  Yeah, I’m a glutton for punishment and promptly liked it and asked which one and with whom.  Her response was “the one you said you were doing and with you of course.”    So I’m going to be registering for a 10K in the next day or two.   I have 38 days to prepare myself.  HA  Paula and I are just crazy enough to pull this off!

I WILL drop this weight!!!

I've been talking a bit about my thoughts.  I've mentioned that my job pays peanuts (ok, maybe not even that much).  I've mentioned that I’m bored there (but spoiled with the lack of work that I actually do).   I've mentioned that I've been thinking about and pushing toward some of my thoughts and possible goals.   I've been having some major doubts about what I’m doing the last few days.  I talked to Todd and another friend and they both said the same thing.  “If you enjoy what you are doing, do it……and if something comes out of it great.  If nothing happens then be satisfied with the enjoyment that you received in the process.”

So I've beaten around the bush at what I’m actually working on.  So here it is.  I like to write.  I always have.  I've kept a journal religiously since I was about 12 and I've kept my journal AND this blog going for the last 7 years.  I've written and kept my memoirs updated since shortly after college.  What are my memoirs?  My memoirs are  written out account of events and happenings in my life.  They have been a source of joy to write and as I go back and read stuff that I wrote 20 years ago I just laugh and laugh as the memories wash over me.    Over the years I have also written various fiction pieces.  I have file folders full of writing. 

  As a young kid I used to always create plot lines in my head.  It’s how I put myself to sleep.  I created these plots and I planned out stories in my head, in detail.  My stories were in VIVID detail.  I thought everyone did this.  (in fact I still find it odd to believe that it’s not the norm…go figure) .  I would get stuck on one story for a few weeks or a month and then when that plot line had played itself out, I would move on to the next story line.  As I got older, these plots got stuck in my head and replayed over and over at warp speed.  Relief came when I put these stories down on paper.  It was only temporary relief because these plots just crowd my mind and multiply at a rapid pace.  I like to write.    In my journals from my teenage years I mentioned once or twice that I was toying with journalism or something that would utilize that love.  I obviously didn't and I've actually wondered if maybe that wasn't my life calling (versus teaching).    But that’s water under the bridge.

I have a few things in the works. 

*I have a children’s book that is written and I finally have it in the hands of someone that I hope will illustrate it for me.   It’s a book that combines history and whimsy.

* I actually have a series of just articles about weight loss and lessons that I have learned along the way.  I started them for me and I've pondered putting them together into a book form someday.

* I have had an idea for a story in my head for YEARS.  I have actually started to work on it.  It is based upon certain beliefs that our society puts forth…ideas that are WRONG.  I want to write a book that sets things right.  Let me start at the beginning.  I have picked up various books about overweight girls over the years.  Let’s face it, they intrigue me.  I can identify plain and simple.  I read them, and for the most part, they are a really decent read.  My problem is that these books have the same general plot line.  Fat girl lives a miserable existence.  Her life is royally messed up and sad.  She works to lose weight. (That part is awesome because it’s giving hope!)   When she loses her weight she lands the perfect job.  She finds the perfect man. She has the perfect family.  Life just turns perfect.  Her self worth is validated by sudden perfect existence.   As I read I say “YAY main character that is awesome.”  But inside I am seething. We are placing value on life as a thin person.  That character had value as a fat person too, but she never learns that of course.  We are placing the balance of everything on the fact that this girl has lost weight. (for the most part, I know that there are people and probably books out there that don't foster this attitude)   This is wrong.  The girl (or guy…I don’t mean to leave guys out…it just so happens that my main character is a girl…haha) is perfect as a person before hand and just needs to find their self worth as a PERSON instead of looking to find it in the number on a scale.   I want to push the concept that thin is just simply a number on the scale and a number that is printed on a tag sewn into clothes.   So the whole premise of my book is that success in life, love and happiness come from within and has NOTHING to do with weight.  Pretty deep stuff eh?  

So there you have it.  I’m still toying with some of the other ideas for crafty things.  But right now my focus is on writing.  And my word…if you like to edit let me know…I hate that process, (as evidenced from my posts that often times are unedited and just put up to get the thoughts and ideas out of my head!) I may be looking for someone that will edit it for content and grammar at some point!   Remember, I’m poor and can’t pay!

Choppers, food and more of the same

My day......what can I even say?

Lets start with eating.  No, lets save that for later or rather maybe intersperse it through my post.  

Today I only worked until noon.  Todd and I had dental appointments today at 1.  So I got off work, hit home at about 12:15 and headed directly to the dentists office.  Have I mentioned that the dentists office isn't my favorite place.  Ok, it's not that bad.  My dentist office is pretty darn good and the employees are great.  I end up gagging during the x-rays.  Go figure.  Who knows.  I think I just over think it.  I'm not sure, because I wouldn't say that I have this over active gag reflex.   That is the major dread about the appointment.  So once that was over I settled into the chair and relaxed.  I'm happy to say that the dentist, amidst his jokes and laughter reassured me that my teeth were indeed still securely attached to my head and that they were not in danger of falling out.  Ha ha ha.  Ok, he actually told me that my teeth were looking good and that I was cavity free.

We were hungry when we left the dentist, so we hit up our post dentist restaurant.  Yeah, I know...clean teeth, what a shame to dirty them up.  But hey, we hadn't eaten lunch yet so why not!   We usually eat at The Green Turtle twice a year......why yes we get our teeth cleaned twice a year.  We splurged and got some wings.  We haven't had their wings, so we ended up not getting the hottest ones because wings are so subjective.  one persons hot is another persons weak.  Yeah, we could have pumped it up to the highest level.  Live and learn.  I also got the Raspberry Turkey Flatbread sandwich.  Pretty good.  Not as good as they used to be...don't know what they changed, but they changed something.

After lunch we ran some errands.  A few things for the pond project (never ending....or so it seems), cat food and some things at Sam's club.  We stopped for gas on the way home and then the fun started here.  Laundry and some light cleaning and light house chores.  Weee

I decided to not go to zumba tonight.  On Sunday I had been moving stones for the pond project and tweaked my back.  GRRRRRRR   Yes this back issue is not new.  I've had this problem more than once before.  so I'm just taking it easy.     Exercise has GOT to get back on track.....but right now I have to make sure that I'm healthy!!!!!

I had picked up a take and bake pizza from Sam's club, so dinner was an easy fix.  Now I'm thinking of hitting up the hot tub and then coming in to just relax the rest of the night.

So my eating.  Not of the rails...simple/normal meals.  But not exactly full of healthy items.  I'm going to consider that a victory.  I've not snacked between meals in a few days.  That is a major accomplishment!  That's the first step!

So the headache thing? I've been pounding the water and the headache does seem to have eased up. So I'm hoping that's it.  

So how does one go about finding the direction in life.  I am doing things I enjoy but I can't help but wonder what I should be doing. I can't help but wonder that I'm focusing on things that will only waste my time.  I know that something in my life needs to change.  My job is a job...and for that I'm thankful.  But my pay is barely minimal and my job bores me to death.  So minimal that if I didn't have a husband and his income, I wouldn't be able to afford to live...and we have no mortgage or rent.......and I still couldn't live on what I make.  I find this unacceptable.  This is NOT what I envisioned for myself years ago when I was in college.   

I have some ideas for my future, but I wonder if they are a long shot.  Is it worth my time?   But i'm going to stop myself and say that it's my fears of failure that keep me from it!   So onward I work.  

So on the same note, the other day I met a lady that has her own business doing craft things.  I was at her booth and saw her variety and I told her that I sensed a kindred spirit. She seemed to dabble in a lot of different crafts.  I told her that and she promptly looked at me and matter of factly asked me where my booth was. She flat out told me that she had worked in a bank (ha) and was miserable and bored and decided to branch out and do what she wanted and she was living her dream and making it work.  (I suspect hefty alimony and/or child support from her ex husband since she mentioned a divorce and a passel of children).    It made me think.  Should I be pursuing the things that I enjoy doing?  Should I be putting my time into some of these crafts that I like?   Food for thought.

I've got soul.....or do I?

OK, I have faced up to my weight.  It's not pretty.  Ok, so it's not that it's ugly.  But I've been sitting in a holding pattern for the last umpteen months.  When I say holding pattern I mean that I've been staying within the same 5 pound radius for the last SOOOOO many months.

I should be happy with that.  I mean seriously, I've pretty much maintained my weight for the last 6 months (more?).  But dammit, I don't want to maintain!

 I can admit that I've not been totally on board with losing.  Ohh, I want it, but wanting it isn't enough.  Getting it involves making the choices necessary to GET it.    So I can admit that.  

So how do I shake myself loose?  I have tried a monetary challenge with Sherry.  Heck, we totally messed up the first challenge so we reset it and started it again.  Uhhhhh  I'm about two weeks in and i'm up further.  (still within the 5 pound range thank heavens..but up!)  So obviously the challenge thing an the threat of paying out money didn't work.  Just saying 'do it'  didn't work either.  

I did manage today to not be tempted by the snacks that pervade my work!   When I first started this job I was totally rigid and didn't snack on anything at work.  And let me tell you, if I think we have a lot of food now, it used to be 75% worse!  I just didn't do it.  It was a taboo thing and I didn't do it.  I need to get back to that!  (and yes, I still had my treats and such, I just did it carefully and with control).

Meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life.  Yes, I'm 41 years old and feel as if I have yet to figure out what to do when I grow up.  I thought I knew years ago......I was wrong (or rather it just didn't work out).  So I'm soul searching....and not getting anywhere...maybe I'm just soul-less!

Duh!

I had an aha moment this morning.....but first let me backtrack to the last few weeks.

I've been struggling with two different issues.

The first one is quite worrisome.  I've had some  headaches.  My normal 'yearly migraine' wasn't too surprising?   But the headaches have lingered around.  Is it sinus pressure?  Just a kickback from the migraine a few weeks ago?  What could it be????     I know that there has been one or two moments where I've wondered if my blood pressure isn't spiking. (which it has been known to do...and no,I'm NOT on medication for blood pressure).  I haven't really thought too much about it...but on occasion it does make me wonder.

The second issue is weird leg cramps.  They aren't all that bad, just random cramps.  NOt really worrisome, but just odd.  It's not normal for me.

I've also been really tired and just not energetic........but that's not really even concerning to me.

So I was having a random conversation this morning with a friend.  The friend mentioned a rough night of sleep, and cited leg cramps due to dehydration.   Immediately it all became clear.  I think I may have literally slapped my forehead with my palm!

Dehydration!

I have been drinking....not much!   And when I have been drinking it's diet soda.  DUH!  I'm dehydrated!!!    That got me thinking about the headaches...could they be caused by the serious lack of water????

So water water water......that's my first goal!

Defining Moment

There are certain aspects about us that define who we are.  I'm a natural goofball.  It's just who I am.  That defines me.  MaryFran is a goofball.    I'm a loyal friend.   Sometimes that's to my detriment as I get taken advantage of.  But that defines me.   So much in our lives define us.  But it hit me today while talking to a friend that there is one thing that should never define me.  I should NEVER be defined by my weight. 

And I better include a goofball pic!!!  I had to trick my oldest nephew into getting in the picture and while my tongue is out being a goofball I'm not quite sure why my youngest nephew is licking my head!

Oh yes, my weight affects who I am.  It can't help but affect who I am.  However, my weight should NEVER define me.   Fat or thin I am me....and you know what......for better or worse, I like me.

If I never lose another pound, I like me.  I would like to lose weight and I am sure I will continue to obsess over it, but you know what.  If it doesn't happen it's not the end of the world.  It wouldn't change who I am, it would simply only change what size clothes I wear.  (and seriously, I don't have many clothes at this size and I'm TIRED of the clothes that I have....I need to lose or buy more clothes asap!)

All that said, I am more motivated than ever to lose the weight.  Not because I NEED to. .....because I want to!

We went to Lancaster yesterday.  I hit up the Green Dragon (farmers market) and as we walked through I scanned the produce stands and on the way back to the car I gathered up produce at some great prices. I spent something like 12 bucks and in my kitchen I have spinach, bib lettuce, grapes, two cucumbers, , some carrots, pineapple, two cantaloupe, 5 kiwi, 8 pears, and a dozen ears of corn.  I have NO EXCUSE to not eat healthy this upcoming week!

And a picture if me in a school house attraction that had been closed for years but is now reopened as the new owner tries to save the historic building.

Lovely wax figure....

The mantra "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"  is a good one...I'm changing it though..

Nothing tastes as good as.................    and I'm filling in the blank with my own dreams and hopes that I have for a thinner life.  (and I've learned my lesson....my hopes and dreams for a thinner life are NOT based on 'my life will be fixed and there will be no more sorrow' when I'm thin.  They are VALID goals this time around!!)

No words

That's my Story and I'm sticking to it!

I too much food this weekend.  I was in Virginia for the weekend with a friend.  Yeah, I just kind of cut loose and ate what I wanted.  Not exactly what I should have been doing.  But hey, I don't get to spend a weekend with my friend to often, so that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I had grand plans to exercise this weekend.  I had exercise clothes.  I had the opportunity!   I was SOOOO going to do it.  I however spent my 'down time' writing and working on some personal projects.  On Sunday morning when I woke up, it was super foggy. Way too foggy for a good run through unfamiliar territory.   Yep, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

I won't know what my weight will be tomorrow morning.   I fear the effects of my weekend of food debauchery.  The monthly ick is around the corner, so the weight should be popping with that....regardless of the food that I ate and the exercise that I didn't do.   So yes, I do believe that any weight gain will be due to the monthly ick.  Yes, that's my story and i'm sticking to it!!!!!

Ok, all joking aside.  I know that I am responsible. I can blame it on the fog and the ick and the excitement of my fun weekend, but it is an untruth.   I totally made my choices.  Me and all me.

I was in my car today.  I had grand ideas of what I wanted to write about. But now that it's time to write I just don't know......so I'll just briefly touch on some of them.

 I thought about writing how we all hide secrets deep inside.  We put on shows for other people.  We hide behind laughter.  We hide behind jokes.  But inside who are we.....really?   I think this thought process has been in my mind since I heard the news about Robin Williams.  Yes, he was open about his depression...but it is totally at odds with the face that he put on for the world to see.  How many people are hiding behind the jokes.  I know I have always found it easier to laugh at myself to hide my insecurities.  Just makes me think and really wonder what is going on in the head of those around me.

I also spent some time thinking about my journals that I have stacked up from years gone by.  For years I struggled with accepting who I was.  I don't mean weight wise.  I don't mean simply accepting the physical side of things.  Those things are important for this journey, but I mean who we are emotionally and mentally.     I struggled with certain aspects of my personal psyche.  I felt totally at odds about certain things....and yes, some intensely personal things.  In recent years I've looked deeply and said "Hey, this is me"  I've accepted versus fight.    I think part of this journey that I'm on is accept exactly who I am...the good, the bad and the ugly.  And lets be honest....who is to say that anything really is 'good, bad, and ugly'.  What is ugly to some may be good to another.  The important thing is to accept ourselves and live in such a way that is harmonious with who we really are.  (well.....and legal...ha ha ha).

So that said, I will be exercising tomorrow.  I will be eating right tomorrow.  (Although I haven't yet really decided what I'm eating at all....but it will be healthy!!)

Pesky Ponds

Yeah, I'm aware that I've been pretty much missing in action since Monday. (ok, Tuesday because I put that book review up on Tuesday).  What can I say, I've been busy.    Losing weight busy???   Ha, I wish.  

The weight is just sitting still.  It's annoying.  But I'm going to keep trying!   I'm going to aim for better consistency with exercise and yes, eating.  Today was not a stellar day with eating.  Two words.......Zucchini Muffins.  They were/are good.    I'm actually not that far off of my calorie count today but I ate mostly carbs today.  (Breakfast Casserole.. and toast for breakfast...zucchini muffin(s) for lunch and baked ziti and garlic bread for dinner......)

So today I skipped my morning run.  Hey now, I had a reason.  I was WIPED OUT!  I slept poorly. I will get to that.....

I had a vacation day that I used yesterday.  Todd and I got up and got to work.  We started by hauling river stones.....notice I didn't say river pebbles...I said river STONES.  We are using them on the ground by the ponds that we are putting in our back yard/patio area.  A few backpacks of river stones later and we had started laying them down.  We were cognizant of the fact that these packs were HEAVY and we didn't want to blow our backs out so grabbed a few loads each and then called that quits until another day.  We carted them home and spread them out.  We did add some river pebbles to fill int he cracks....but I didn't get a picture after we did that.

We will have quite a few more trips to make to get enough river stones for the whole area, but we are ready...bring it on!

We laid the backpacks down and we were looking at the way things were and we decided to go back into the woods at least once more and pull out a some of the big limestone rocks back there to work on our retaining wall/rocky outbreak which is on the lower end of the ponds. (Our ground slopes quite a bit)   We grabbed the wheelbarrow and headed down to the pile of rocks that have been left there over the years from construction projects and from the farming from years past.   We grabbed a load of rock and headed up.  That wasn't too bad, so we headed down again.  Everything was going grandly until we decided to attempt a large rock.  We tipped the wheelbarrow on it's side and rolled the boulder into the belly of the wheelbarrow.  There was NO way that we were going to lift this puppy.  And in fact rolling is not really the term....pried it with a shovel and used the leverage to get it to shift onto the wheelbarrow.   We both put our muscles into it and we lifted the wheelbarrow upright.  Immediately the wheelbarrow collapsed. Yes, it collapsed.  Structurally the wheelbarrow is no longer sound.  We rigged it and somehow got that boulder up to the pond area.  We turned if on it's side and let the boulder fall.  It took us another 1/2 hour to get the boulder into position.  The other ones were not quite so big ...but the damage was done to the wheelbarrow.  We got some of the stones into place and back filled the area behind the stones. (Once again, this picture was before it was done and backfilled)

It was lunch time by that point.  We had spent over three hours on the stone/boulder project.  I headed in, showered and made lunch.  After lunch we ran a few errands and then ended up in the hot tub.  After getting out of the hot tub we sat on the patio looking at our progress.  We had two ponds in place....but we knew we wanted a third pond...lower still (in essence we have three levels of ponds).  We knew how we were finishing off the south end of the ponds but until we dug and placed the north end pond, we didn't have a clue how we were going to finish off the stones.  We talked about a few ideas and then I just decided to go for broke.  I carted myself to the shovel and started digging.  I dug for an hour and a half...but that third pond is IN PLACE!   (Todd sat and watched while I worked.....half of the time from the warm comfort of the hot tub...who wrong is that???)

I did take about an hour or so break before I headed out to zumba step!  Yes, I still did my hour workout class!!!!!  By the time I hit the class, my right arm was SORE!   Everything felt great.  IN fact before I fell asleep I was talking to a friend an made the comment that "I feel peachy, my right arm is sore but everything else is fantastic!"   Yeah, right.  I got in bed and my body started to stiffen up.  I slept HORRIBLY...simply because every time I moved I felt it!!!!!  

So I took it easy and didn't run this morning...that and I had a ton of things I wanted to get done before work!   After my day, once again the only place I'm sore is my arm (shoulder actually).

I'd say I'd run tomorrow...but I heard mention of a few 'rock' trips back into the woods before work. HMMMMMM

Deepak Chopra and Lopez Lomong

I am reading the book What are you Hungry For?  By Deepak Chopra, MD.  I am doing it in conjunction with a book club/review group that I joined.  It is hosted by Kerstin and Leslie.

This first week we were 'assigned' to read the overview.  As I read the overview I was quite happy with the fact that the author clearly stated that dieting is a bad thing.  Ahhh I'm in 100% agreement!  I'm not on a diet, I'm on a lifestyle change.  

At the very beginning of the overview there were a few 'diet-like' items that were recommended.  

      * eat mostly natural and organic

      * Lower consumption of red meat and try to only eat chicken and turkey

      * Cut back/eliminate processed food

      * Reduce/eliminate alcohol and fermented foods (including cheese)

      * Reduce/eliminate refined sugar

      * Reduce salt intake

      * Get enough sleep

      * Drink lots of water

I was quite ok with most of these  I already eat mostly natural/organic foods.  I already eliminated most processed foods.  I don't eat much meat, I get sleep, limit my salt and drink lots of water.  Refined sugar...eh.   I don't drink alcohol so that was fine...but cheese.  HOLY COW...I can't give up my cheese!     But for the most part, I was on board with his ideas.  So I continued reading.   He talked about awareness eating.  Simply being aware of the food we are putting in our mouths. I can see the validity of this too.  I think we SHOULD be aware of how much processed food and how much sugar and salt we are REALLY consuming.    

The author went on and made a generalized statement.  He stated that a lot of overeating is the result of unfulfillment within us.  Ok then  I can see that.  I know that food for me has many times become a means of fulfillment. I'm lonely...I eat.  I'm tired....I eat. So many different emotions and I eat.  That makes me wonder.    I've been noticing that in general people seem more and more down.   Is that generalized feeling part of the reason that obesity is on the rise?   Hmmm, food for thought....but that's a whole different issue that will bear further thought at a later time right now I just need to fix me  I read on.   But basically the author states that we need to fill ourselves with satisfaction other than food.

The success in this journey is apparently contingent upon getting our bodies impulses in line.   Listening to our bodies and relearning when we are hungry, when we are full.  Our bodies have somehow gotten lost and can no longer recognize the messages.   In essence we need a 'factory reset'.  We need to go back to the beginning and let our bodies tell us what it needs because somewhere along the line we lost the ability to hear those signals.  I've often despaired about this.  I have long known that I can no longer hear those signals.  I've known that I struggle with that elusive signal that lets me know when I'm full.  I also know that I also struggle with the elusive feeling of knowing when I'm REALLY hungry.  I've actually written about it a few times on my blog.....as long ago as 2008 in fact.    The author stated that 'no matter how abused, the body will restore itself".   WOW....that would be AWESOME!

I look forward to continuing this read!!!!

I read another book of interest this week (this one to completion because I couldn't put it down)    Running for my Life by Lopez Lomong.  It was a book that was recommended by Katie at Runs for Cookies.   I couldn't put this book down.  It was an incredible read.  I giggled, I cried and I was awed again at the resilience of humans.  I'm not going to go into the book, but SERIOUSLY read it!!!!!!

Course Correction

Oh. My. Word.   My eating was off the rails this past weekend.  I just wanted to scarf down food at a pace that was mind boggling.   Ok, it wasn’t a constant influx of food, but it certainly wasn't the quality and quantity of food that I SHOULD have been eating.  

My only consolation was that I DID run a 5k on Friday night.  I DID do manual labor outside for 2 hours on Saturday and on Sunday I DID walk 5 plus miles with Sherry.  At least I wasn't inactive to boot.

So, it is time for a course correction.  It’s time to turn this ship around and head in the correction direction.  I started this morning and I have been eating dead on with what I have planned.  No ifs ands or buts.  Actually, I’m not really hungry for the rest of my lunch.   Guess I didn't really need those animal crackers. ;-)

Eating is only one aspect of my course correction.  The next aspect is exercise.   I have been lax about my routine.  NO MORE.  For me, to help keep me on the straight and narrow, I have to be exercising daily!

The last aspect of my course correction is my ‘bet’ withmy friend.  That bet should have been over this upcoming Friday.  However, we were talking yesterday and we both just kind of fell off track on this.  SO, we scratched that and restarted as of this morning.  Better late then never!

My food is on target for today (As long as I avoid snacking tonight). I also ran this morning, so I'm doing pretty good!   

Athletic and MaryFran are not synonymous or are they?

I am realizing that my athletic prowess is much better than I think.   There is a song in zumba step that involves jumping jacks.  The song just begs for everyone to go "hey hey hey an ho ho ho" along with the music.   The last two zumba classes I have attempted to get my cohorts (that would be the other attendees) to raise their voices while we do the jacks (of which only half do the jacks, the rest march in place).   No one will do it with me!   But they have collectively given me the same reason why they do not join in.  They say that it's all they can do to complete the jacks, let alone adding in yells.  Really????  Both nights I was the largest one in the class, by a long shot!   How is this possible?  Am I actually in better physical/athletic shape than I think?   So maybe all these workouts that I do (even as inconsistent that I am sometimes) actually are doing something?

I have also reminded a few times to not talk about the negative that I lost a minute in my time on my Donut Alley Rally 5k.  I did something that most people couldn't do.   Yet I focus on the negative....I could have done better afterall.

I'm not saying I'm in great shape. I've got a long ways to go.  But maybe, just maybe I need to give myself more credit!

Today turned out to be another lethargic day.  I did walk with Sherry this morning and we completed over 5 miles.

 I did do a few things around the house.  I'm proud to say all three of the big freezers and the fridge freezer are all cleaned out.  The non frost free ones are defrosted and I dumped  al unidentifiable things (yeah, shoot me, I have a bad habit of not marking things) and anything freezer burnt (we had a decent length power outage and shortly thereafter one freezer was left ajar for a few hours).  I get some great satisfaction from organized spaces.  I love looking at perfectly lined towels and such in the linen closet (ok as perfectly lined as I make them...I'm sure others have neater linen closets) ...the only thing that would be better is if they were all color coordinated....ha ha ha  And yes, I folded towels and put them away today.

  I finished that, made lunch and took a nap.  We did eventually get up and head to town.  We really didn't need to go to town (except I wanted to see my brother and his family and parents).  We did stop at Dicks Sporting Goods because I plan on buying a good upright bike...I'm riding next year...and I'm going to use the harsh winter months to prepare!!!   Ok ok ok....so I cancelled my gym membership so I'm just making sure that in the cold bitter winter that I have exercise opportunities at my fingertips!!!   We are slowly working on the pond project.  The lethargy slowed us down today....but slowly it's coming together.