Tuesday, August 26, 2014

I've got soul.....or do I?

OK, I have faced up to my weight.  It's not pretty.  Ok, so it's not that it's ugly.  But I've been sitting in a holding pattern for the last umpteen months.  When I say holding pattern I mean that I've been staying within the same 5 pound radius for the last SOOOOO many months.

I should be happy with that.  I mean seriously, I've pretty much maintained my weight for the last 6 months (more?).  But dammit, I don't want to maintain!

 I can admit that I've not been totally on board with losing.  Ohh, I want it, but wanting it isn't enough.  Getting it involves making the choices necessary to GET it.    So I can admit that.  

So how do I shake myself loose?  I have tried a monetary challenge with Sherry.  Heck, we totally messed up the first challenge so we reset it and started it again.  Uhhhhh  I'm about two weeks in and i'm up further.  (still within the 5 pound range thank heavens..but up!)  So obviously the challenge thing an the threat of paying out money didn't work.  Just saying 'do it'  didn't work either.  

I did manage today to not be tempted by the snacks that pervade my work!   When I first started this job I was totally rigid and didn't snack on anything at work.  And let me tell you, if I think we have a lot of food now, it used to be 75% worse!  I just didn't do it.  It was a taboo thing and I didn't do it.  I need to get back to that!  (and yes, I still had my treats and such, I just did it carefully and with control).

Meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life.  Yes, I'm 41 years old and feel as if I have yet to figure out what to do when I grow up.  I thought I knew years ago......I was wrong (or rather it just didn't work out).  So I'm soul searching....and not getting anywhere...maybe I'm just soul-less!


LuckyMama said...

Sugar!! Get rid of it!

I've got you beat by 10 years and I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up!!!

It sounds like you're a little unsettled right now. Maybe you should look at the little picture for a bit instead of the big picture. Does that make sense?

Michelle said...

Right there with ya! I have a great job that pays the bills but It's no dream and I have never had an idea of what I'd like to do. I, too, have a weight range. I've been fluctuating within 7 lbs. Up down up down. I just need to get out of that lower range of the 7!

indubitably danielle said...

I understand this exact circumstance. But maybe it's less about what you want to do with you life and more about who do you want to be? If, in your wildest dreams, you're this disciplined work-out machine, then maybe if you work on that - what you "do" will fall naturally into your lap.

At least, that's the result I'm hoping for.

Suzanne said...

I'm 42 and I just take it day by day. I have dreams of all the things I would like to do but sometimes reality can be quite a hard slap in the face. My weight is also at a stand still but I try not to let the scale get me down. Yeah it would be nice to see it drop but Whenever I think about my weight and how I wish I could lose those extra lbs I always try to remind myself to stop and smell the roses & to just enjoy life in the present moment.

Kyra said...

I think the soul searching can be a big part of the weight. It's hard to shape your outside when you're still working on the inside. At least, it is for me. :)

Anonymous said...

Have you thought about adding weight training to shake your body up? So you can start losing again. You might want to consider it. Hope you have a good week or what is left of it. Hugs.

Anonymous said...

Don't be silly, of course you're not souless - you've got a great big soul! I'm 43 and still searching. That's OK, it will come. Grandma Moses didn't start painting until she was in her 70s (or was it her 80s?).

Oh, I think it's fabulous you've maintained! But I know you want more. Have you thought about doing a reward thing with your friend? i.e. if we lose x pounds we'll...go for a massage, buy that book I had my eye on, etc.

Hang in there!