Yes, I totally fell apart last night. I had made my plans for dinner and everything was carefully calculated. Well, it was all fine and good until I SMELLED the sausage I was cooking for my husband. It smelled so dang good, which initself is pretty amazing becuase I'm not a big fan of sausage. So I planned to have a bit. Well that's not all that bad becuase heck, I had enough points. BUT the extra two pieces of toast (they were weight watcher bread...so not as bad as it COULD have been) and then the extra half piece of Todd's toast......full fat version. ARRGGh. And I chased it all down with a weight watchers 1 point chocolate mousse ice cream bar thingy. Way too much. Then this morning, Todd and i were up and ready to go like an hour early. What did I do? Why I offered to make chipped beef gravy for breakfast! And the offer was accepted. I feel so bloated and yucky right now! I will say in defense of myself. I won't be eating much of a lunch. I work until noon...and we are then going to be picked up at sometime between noon and 12:15 to go get in the line up for the parade. I'll be in the parade until probably about 2:30 or so. The earliest I'll get home will be 3. Therefore a big breakfast was actually probably a good thing. I did pack a bag of cherries to nibble on at some point through my day. Todd and I usually do the parade thing and it's kinda a tradition for us to then go to the carnival the next town/burg over that same evening. It's my plan to eat before we go over there....so that I am not tempted with the yummy foods at a carnival. :-) I WILL pull it together again. ANd I WILL LOSE THIS WEIGHT!
Ok....healthy habit challenge. Forgot to take my multi-vitamins this morning. I will do that when I get home. Gotta remember...gotta remember...gotta remember. Vitamin, vitamin, vitamin, vitamin vitamin, vitamin. They say if you repeat something over and over, it will stick.......vitamin, vitamin, vitamin. Heck, I don't think that's working. I give up. I'll just have to hope to remember it at home! :-)
I woke up at 5:15 this morning. I laid in bed for a few...and realized taht i was awake...wide awake. I SHOULD have gotten out of bed and exercised. The thought to actualy do it did cross my mind. HOWEVER, I laid in bed and read through an old journal of mine. Not exactly conducive to my health.
WEll......maybe more conducive then I had previously mentioned. I kow that I'm struggling with some emotional eating things. I've bene a bit down lately...and I just want to eat away the issues. I intrinsically know that eating is not the solution....but it's so much easier to fall into that old comforting routine. The reason I'm going back and rereading the journals......trying to get a handle on some of these emotions and feelings that are causing me to feel down...which causes me to eat...which causes me to feel more down. It's a vicious cycle.
I'm also wondering if the stress of these emotions are not negatively affecting my weight loss efforts. They say that cortisol is a hormone that is stress related...which negatively affects a persons metabolism and all that! Just a thought.
Oh interesting. The bag pipe group that is in the parade every year is setting up right outside my window. They said that last year that they actually practised in our parking lot.....under our drive through canopy. How interesting. I'll have 'tunes' to work by! :-)
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Crazy day!
I managed to avoid the scales again today. I didn't avoid the bathroom like I did yesterday. I will admit, I was sorely tempted though. BUT talked myself out of it. :-)
I woke up early this morning, and rode my bike this morning. Knocked 9.71 miles out. Felt good! Then here at work, I took a half hour break and walked about a mile and a half all around town. So I feel pretty good about that.
Lunch. Well, yes, they ordered it for us as a treat. And yes, I actually did order 'regular' food. I got a turkey and cheese pannini. It was scrumptious! I'll admit it. I used to always order sandwhiches when we went out to eat. I so rarely do anymore. A sandwhich out uses ups sooo many points....breaks the bank so to speak. So it was an absolute treat. I didn't eat the chips that came with it. OK, I'll admit, I did have a taste. But you know what....they weren't all that great....so I wasn't even tempted. I had brought along grapes and cherries today, so I had my cherries with my sandwich. I'll have my grapes as a snack sometime mid-afternoon. I've already planned out my evening food....and I've got it all under control!
Tomorrow is the day of our local parade. My branch (job) is riding in the parade. Should be interesting....lol The guy that is driving us down the parade route is plannign on having a cooler with water for us to drink. So what does dumb me say? "oh my...maybe I should bake something so that we have something to nibble on also!" What in the world? Am I insane???? Because not only do I not NEED something to nibble on while we ride in the parade.....I do NOT need to have the tempation of the baking in my house! Oh well....I may bake something and just chew my gum the whole time so that the unconcious action of putting food into my mouth will not derail me!
It's been a crazy day of highs and lows for me. Things were good when I got off the bike. They took a huge nose dive during a serious conversation with Todd. I got myself under control at work. And then things went belly up crazy. I had two customers at the drive through BEFORE we even opened....not to mention the rush I had right after we opened. We had 3 classes of first graders come in for a tour. They came in and have been working on removing some old lock boxes out of our vault (takes a while to do apparently as they have been doing here now for at least three hours.). Oh yes, and our downstairs bathroom here at work has been acting funny. The plumber has been here since about 9AM...it's 1:39 right now. He's been snaking it, they have had the sanitation department here snakign it past the pump into the city sewer lines. It's absolutely nutty. We are having to go next door to ask to use the restroom. Crazy. Everyone here is in a decent mood...so we've been laughing and carrying on about the 'poop' issues that we are having. I didn't know they could snake the lines for so long!!! I'm ready for some peace and quiet! My time at work is "MaryFran's" personal time. LOL It's my time to write my blog, read a book and all this stuff (between customers of course). This noise is infringing upon my peace. LOL My...what a rough job I have...tee hee hee
I woke up early this morning, and rode my bike this morning. Knocked 9.71 miles out. Felt good! Then here at work, I took a half hour break and walked about a mile and a half all around town. So I feel pretty good about that.
Lunch. Well, yes, they ordered it for us as a treat. And yes, I actually did order 'regular' food. I got a turkey and cheese pannini. It was scrumptious! I'll admit it. I used to always order sandwhiches when we went out to eat. I so rarely do anymore. A sandwhich out uses ups sooo many points....breaks the bank so to speak. So it was an absolute treat. I didn't eat the chips that came with it. OK, I'll admit, I did have a taste. But you know what....they weren't all that great....so I wasn't even tempted. I had brought along grapes and cherries today, so I had my cherries with my sandwich. I'll have my grapes as a snack sometime mid-afternoon. I've already planned out my evening food....and I've got it all under control!
Tomorrow is the day of our local parade. My branch (job) is riding in the parade. Should be interesting....lol The guy that is driving us down the parade route is plannign on having a cooler with water for us to drink. So what does dumb me say? "oh my...maybe I should bake something so that we have something to nibble on also!" What in the world? Am I insane???? Because not only do I not NEED something to nibble on while we ride in the parade.....I do NOT need to have the tempation of the baking in my house! Oh well....I may bake something and just chew my gum the whole time so that the unconcious action of putting food into my mouth will not derail me!
It's been a crazy day of highs and lows for me. Things were good when I got off the bike. They took a huge nose dive during a serious conversation with Todd. I got myself under control at work. And then things went belly up crazy. I had two customers at the drive through BEFORE we even opened....not to mention the rush I had right after we opened. We had 3 classes of first graders come in for a tour. They came in and have been working on removing some old lock boxes out of our vault (takes a while to do apparently as they have been doing here now for at least three hours.). Oh yes, and our downstairs bathroom here at work has been acting funny. The plumber has been here since about 9AM...it's 1:39 right now. He's been snaking it, they have had the sanitation department here snakign it past the pump into the city sewer lines. It's absolutely nutty. We are having to go next door to ask to use the restroom. Crazy. Everyone here is in a decent mood...so we've been laughing and carrying on about the 'poop' issues that we are having. I didn't know they could snake the lines for so long!!! I'm ready for some peace and quiet! My time at work is "MaryFran's" personal time. LOL It's my time to write my blog, read a book and all this stuff (between customers of course). This noise is infringing upon my peace. LOL My...what a rough job I have...tee hee hee
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Proud of me!
I held firm. I do not know my weight for today. Was it difficult to not step on the scales? Well, I took the temptation away. You see, I'm rather anal. I try to weigh myself under the same conditions each morning. Immediately upon rising, after my morning bathroom trip, before I take anything to drink and I absolutely positively weigh myself before any bite of food passes my lips. So I knew if I could 'ruin' the ideal conditions, I would not weigh myself. Thus, this morning when I woke up, I walked to the other bathroom and bypassed the master bathroom and it's scale. And of course I had breakfast before I had any need to go into that bathroom again. So that when I did go into the bathroom, there was no temptation whatsoever. Has it been easy not knowing where I am on the scales? NOOOOO it's killing me! I want to know. I had pasta last night for dinner.....did it affect me negatively. Honestly it shouldn't have. I knew I was having pasta for dinner...so I watched my carbs all day...and my points...managed my eating so to speak. Yep, I'm having pasta again tonight. Last night was spaghetti...tonight is pesto . I'll grill a chicken breast for Todd. I'm not too overly enthralled with the meat...so I'd rather use my points on fruits of veggies. :-) I've managed my eating again today to accommodate for this.
The manager at work yesterday told me that they are ordering out for us tomorrow to thank us for our long work hours this week. So I'll be eating lunch here. I will have a little control. But I kinda panicked about the fact that I normally a lighter meal for lunch, I'll be eating heavier than normal and Still have to go home and cook for Todd. BUT, I finally came up with a solution. Todd is wanting me to cook some sausage that he got. I had offered to make pancakes ...but realized that we are almost out of syrup (note to self...put syrup on grocery list). He was like, No problem, you can do eggs and toast. SOOOOO since I'm not a big fan of meat....and well, eggs also. I'll be able to make his (which I'll enjoy doing for him) and then eat what I want. Sounds like a perfect plan to me. Crisis averted!
Rode the exercise bike for about 40 minutes this morning. Didn't feel like I was doing well. Clocked about 12.7 miles. So I guess I didn't do all that badly. But I definitely feel as if I could have done better. I was almost tempted to stay on and watch the next episode of my show...but then I remembered the kitchen that needed my attention (I wanted to move the microwave to a different location...where it was was just KILLING the counter space in a place that I need it most!) and some other chores completed around the house before coming to work.
ARRGGGHHH the stupid mower saga. Well, it was the chipper that was giving us problems way back when we got the two stupid machines 2 months ago. Well...after like 3 or 4 swap outs, the chipper problem is solved. I've been using the mower about once a week.....and last time clatter clatter clatter clatter, every time I lifted the blade. Todd went out the other day to check it out.....he heard the noise and saw smoke, so he turned it off. This morning, since I'm the one that has used it the most, I went out to look. Oh my word, it was smoking great big puffs of black smoke! I drove it a bit around the yard...the power is like non-existent...I could barely make it move on the flat areas...much less the sloping parts of the yard. And it clattered and clanked something fierce...with the blade up or down! DANG! What it is with our luck! This is a stinking new lawn mower! LUCKILY it is warrantied through an extended service plan for 3 years......all except stupid stuff that the operator could do to damage it and general maintenance stuff. :-) I always panic though when they come under a service plan....because oh my word...what if it's something stupid I did and I end up having to pay for the service call!!! Not to mention that the grass is growing up around my arm pits from all this blasted rain! (yeah yeah, I know...come mid summer I'll be begging for rain.....) OH yeah, and did I tell you that i ran over a part on our old mower rendering it useless until it's fixed??????? STRESS city! Take deep breathes MaryFran. Breathing in......breathing out!
Day two of the healthy habit challenge! I almost forgot to take my vitamins...but I did remember and the multi and the calcium are down the hatch! Heading into day three strong! :-)
The manager at work yesterday told me that they are ordering out for us tomorrow to thank us for our long work hours this week. So I'll be eating lunch here. I will have a little control. But I kinda panicked about the fact that I normally a lighter meal for lunch, I'll be eating heavier than normal and Still have to go home and cook for Todd. BUT, I finally came up with a solution. Todd is wanting me to cook some sausage that he got. I had offered to make pancakes ...but realized that we are almost out of syrup (note to self...put syrup on grocery list). He was like, No problem, you can do eggs and toast. SOOOOO since I'm not a big fan of meat....and well, eggs also. I'll be able to make his (which I'll enjoy doing for him) and then eat what I want. Sounds like a perfect plan to me. Crisis averted!
Rode the exercise bike for about 40 minutes this morning. Didn't feel like I was doing well. Clocked about 12.7 miles. So I guess I didn't do all that badly. But I definitely feel as if I could have done better. I was almost tempted to stay on and watch the next episode of my show...but then I remembered the kitchen that needed my attention (I wanted to move the microwave to a different location...where it was was just KILLING the counter space in a place that I need it most!) and some other chores completed around the house before coming to work.
ARRGGGHHH the stupid mower saga. Well, it was the chipper that was giving us problems way back when we got the two stupid machines 2 months ago. Well...after like 3 or 4 swap outs, the chipper problem is solved. I've been using the mower about once a week.....and last time clatter clatter clatter clatter, every time I lifted the blade. Todd went out the other day to check it out.....he heard the noise and saw smoke, so he turned it off. This morning, since I'm the one that has used it the most, I went out to look. Oh my word, it was smoking great big puffs of black smoke! I drove it a bit around the yard...the power is like non-existent...I could barely make it move on the flat areas...much less the sloping parts of the yard. And it clattered and clanked something fierce...with the blade up or down! DANG! What it is with our luck! This is a stinking new lawn mower! LUCKILY it is warrantied through an extended service plan for 3 years......all except stupid stuff that the operator could do to damage it and general maintenance stuff. :-) I always panic though when they come under a service plan....because oh my word...what if it's something stupid I did and I end up having to pay for the service call!!! Not to mention that the grass is growing up around my arm pits from all this blasted rain! (yeah yeah, I know...come mid summer I'll be begging for rain.....) OH yeah, and did I tell you that i ran over a part on our old mower rendering it useless until it's fixed??????? STRESS city! Take deep breathes MaryFran. Breathing in......breathing out!
Day two of the healthy habit challenge! I almost forgot to take my vitamins...but I did remember and the multi and the calcium are down the hatch! Heading into day three strong! :-)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
The eventual death of a scale
One of these days I'm going to do it. I swear, I will! I am goign to pick up those darn pesky MEAN scales and whip them across the room. Hopefully Todd will pick up on my anger and duck in time! I know I wrote yesterday that I seriously contemplating not stepping onto the cursed things today. What in the world happened then? Well, I woke up early, even before the alarm. It was about 5:45 or so. I went into the bathroom and the little babies all followed me in for their first pet of the morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah...tis very disconcerting to have 4 cats follow you into the bathroom and want lovin'. It's even worse when they sit and stare at you while you are in the the shower, crying for you to get out so they can lick the water droplets from the bottom of the tub. AND YES, they have plenty of water at their disposal at all times! But anyway, I digress. I was in there and that square gray platform was just visible out of the corner of my eye. I ate healthy yesterday. My thoughts warred wtih each other. Part of me was saying, "Stay away" but the other half of me was saying, "Let me look and see if it shows on the scales!" I succumbed. I stepped on with a smile.....and a short bit later stepped off with a scowl! Crapolla! Yesterday i was at 183.8...today I'd managed to hit 184.4. Hot diggity dog! A deep sigh of resignation later and I moved through the house to grab my headphones from my desk. You see, my exercise bike is in my bedroom and I had a husband that was sleeping. I hooked up my headphones...flipped on the computer, pulled up youtube and found the episode that I'm on. And I peddled away. I decided to up the resistance today. And I had a realistic goal in my head of how far I wanted to go in my 25 minutes. I made it. 8.18 miles. Forgot to put on my heart rate monitor...and I don't like the bikes heart rate monitor...so I don't know where I was with that. :-)
What do I watch on youtube. I'm working my way through the Austrailian, season 1 The biggest loser...which are all on youtube I will NOT let myself watch any episode unless I'm on the bike and peddling to beat the band. There have been one or two days where I'm dying to see the next episode so I keep biking. :-) every fifth workout is an hour long episode....so it changes up the routine a bit. PLUS, I'm riding and Bob and Jillian are there pushing the contestants on to work harder and it does cause me to dig a little deeper while riding. To go a bit further. To try harder. So I guess it's good for me!
So anyway, very proud of myself for pushing through it and still getting on the exercise bike! I've done good thus far today with my eating. All is under control. I am planning on having spaghetti tonight for dinner...but one, I have the points for it. And two I'm going to make sure i actually measure out my pasta!
My last words for this entry. I'm not gonna do. No indeed, I'm not gonna do it. Tomorrow I will NOT step on those scales.
What do I watch on youtube. I'm working my way through the Austrailian, season 1 The biggest loser...which are all on youtube I will NOT let myself watch any episode unless I'm on the bike and peddling to beat the band. There have been one or two days where I'm dying to see the next episode so I keep biking. :-) every fifth workout is an hour long episode....so it changes up the routine a bit. PLUS, I'm riding and Bob and Jillian are there pushing the contestants on to work harder and it does cause me to dig a little deeper while riding. To go a bit further. To try harder. So I guess it's good for me!
So anyway, very proud of myself for pushing through it and still getting on the exercise bike! I've done good thus far today with my eating. All is under control. I am planning on having spaghetti tonight for dinner...but one, I have the points for it. And two I'm going to make sure i actually measure out my pasta!
My last words for this entry. I'm not gonna do. No indeed, I'm not gonna do it. Tomorrow I will NOT step on those scales.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Skipped Meeting
I noticed something on Monday. Last summer when I bought my clothes for this job I purposefully bought everything tight. The shirts were not exactly gaping tight but they were right on the cusp of gaping, especially at my bustline. Well, yesterday I wore one of those shirts to work. I was working the drivethrough and couldn't help but notice my reflection in the window. The shirt was lose. As in I could pull the shirt about 2 inches (so 4 inches of fabric) to put it back to the fit that I had last year in the shirt. It looks more frumpy now..but it's REALLY lose.
Something else happened. Tuesday morning I put on my work clothes. I'm wearing another shirt that I've had for a while and that is a bit loose. Todd looked at me and was like, "Damn, in the last month you have become really curvy and your shape is becoming more defined." He was like, is it the clothes you are wearing? I could honestly look at him and say..NOPE, these are clothes that I've been wearing for a year or so!
SO, even though I've not been losing weight, at least it's showing somewhere! The problem, we are a society that is based upon concrete things. A weight, a number on the scale, those are concrete. Something I can announce and it's all good. It's harder to measure, loose clothing, or the occaisional compliment. Yet, it's those things, the compliments the loose clothing, the reduced inches....THOSE are the things that really matter. I need to focus less on the scale and more on the physical changes in my body. OK, ok, ok, easier said then done. Especially since I'm trying get to that magical goal weight!
As for the scales. Do I weigh? Or do I not weigh throughout this week? It really is a dilema for me. I know that to weigh in every day keeps me on track and focused. However, when the scales just do stupid things its so frustrating. Oh well, I'll just play it by ear.
Just recently I read on someones blog (sorry, I can't for the life of me remember whom or even where) about a movie called Touching the Void. It struck a chord because this person mentioned a bit about the story (a mountain climber gets hurt and has to climb down with a broken leg....beating incredible odds). SHe mentioned that this guy did it by focusing on one object and reaching that object. I do this when I'm pushing myself either biking or jogging, so it really struck me. SOOOO I rushed to netflix and put it at the top of my list. It came today. Watched it....INCREDIBLE story! Yes, his focusing on the next goal and setting a time limit to help him remain focused is just amazing. HOWEVER, he knew he had to do something....beat incredible odds...no matter the cost. He ignored the pain. (as best he could) He overcame his fatalistic attitude. And he just did it. My word.....can't that be compared to weight loss. To most people to lose weight is to beat incredible odds. It hurts, physically, mentally and emotionally. And it's so easy to adopt a fatalistic attitude (yeah read my last few posts). The end is worth it. I started this because I knew that my weight was going to kill me. That makes me no different than the main character in the movie....he knew he had to do something or die. Same place I'm at mentally. Or where I was at when I started this journey. Because I knew that I had to do something because my weight was slowly killing me!
That reminds me of something that I read that was written by Lance Armstrong (the biker that battled cancer and came back to win the tour de france many times over. He said taht while training after cancer, the pain of training paled in comparison to the pain of battling cancer. He had stared death in the face and intense training had NOTHING on it.
Beating the odds is truely mental.
Something else happened. Tuesday morning I put on my work clothes. I'm wearing another shirt that I've had for a while and that is a bit loose. Todd looked at me and was like, "Damn, in the last month you have become really curvy and your shape is becoming more defined." He was like, is it the clothes you are wearing? I could honestly look at him and say..NOPE, these are clothes that I've been wearing for a year or so!
SO, even though I've not been losing weight, at least it's showing somewhere! The problem, we are a society that is based upon concrete things. A weight, a number on the scale, those are concrete. Something I can announce and it's all good. It's harder to measure, loose clothing, or the occaisional compliment. Yet, it's those things, the compliments the loose clothing, the reduced inches....THOSE are the things that really matter. I need to focus less on the scale and more on the physical changes in my body. OK, ok, ok, easier said then done. Especially since I'm trying get to that magical goal weight!
As for the scales. Do I weigh? Or do I not weigh throughout this week? It really is a dilema for me. I know that to weigh in every day keeps me on track and focused. However, when the scales just do stupid things its so frustrating. Oh well, I'll just play it by ear.
Just recently I read on someones blog (sorry, I can't for the life of me remember whom or even where) about a movie called Touching the Void. It struck a chord because this person mentioned a bit about the story (a mountain climber gets hurt and has to climb down with a broken leg....beating incredible odds). SHe mentioned that this guy did it by focusing on one object and reaching that object. I do this when I'm pushing myself either biking or jogging, so it really struck me. SOOOO I rushed to netflix and put it at the top of my list. It came today. Watched it....INCREDIBLE story! Yes, his focusing on the next goal and setting a time limit to help him remain focused is just amazing. HOWEVER, he knew he had to do something....beat incredible odds...no matter the cost. He ignored the pain. (as best he could) He overcame his fatalistic attitude. And he just did it. My word.....can't that be compared to weight loss. To most people to lose weight is to beat incredible odds. It hurts, physically, mentally and emotionally. And it's so easy to adopt a fatalistic attitude (yeah read my last few posts). The end is worth it. I started this because I knew that my weight was going to kill me. That makes me no different than the main character in the movie....he knew he had to do something or die. Same place I'm at mentally. Or where I was at when I started this journey. Because I knew that I had to do something because my weight was slowly killing me!
That reminds me of something that I read that was written by Lance Armstrong (the biker that battled cancer and came back to win the tour de france many times over. He said taht while training after cancer, the pain of training paled in comparison to the pain of battling cancer. He had stared death in the face and intense training had NOTHING on it.
Beating the odds is truely mental.
I faced the scales and what did I get????
YOu know...that is the worst part of this healthy lifestyle/weight loss journey. You can be doing sooo dang good, and then you have a day where you eat what you want which in itself is not all that bad. The bad part comes around the following days...because that eating has sparked memories in our body. Memories of all sorts of foods. ANd it seems like for me, once I get started, I hvae such a difficult time stopping the eating pattern. I know that this is true for most people also! ARRGGGHHHHHH
I haven't weighed myself yet this morning. I have tried to stay away from the scales for the last few days. It was actually becoming counter-productive. It was dragging me down. I"m really worried about what the results may be. I haven't been crazy out of control, however I know that I haven't eaten as WELL as I Could have. I know that the eating not quite as well as I could have has stemmed from two things. Number one, I weighed myself one day and the scales just jumped up with no cause....I fought the urge to become all fatalistic and just say screw it all. and Number two...I'm still down about a situation in my life. So I"m fighting emotional eating! Lovely! Ohhh and something else that is making my weight a bit skewed and off kilter I"m sure (or will be when I hop on the scales)...my body is all whacked out.....things are not being eliminated regularly.....and that can seriously affect weight. OH well.....we take the good and we take the bad. (dang, can I just keep singing the Facts of LIfe theme song? Remember that show???)
Well, TOdd and I were going to go for a walk this morning. HOwever, it's raining. AGAIN. I know I know I know. Come the middle of summer we will be BEGGING for rain, and I'll be writing stuff like, "If it would just rain!" I'm never happy..tee hee hee. OH yeah, and the cold. This is the coldest May. We are literally what...two weeks? from June and it's dang cold out there! What's up with this????? I want warm weather. I'm so tired of being cold. I'm cold all the time. 60 degree weather makes me cold. Heck, I"m cold in my house, I"m cold outside. I"m just dang cold! The hot weather has seemed to be the only time that my appendages (fingers and toes especially) are not icicles! That is the only negative about losing weight that I have found. (I lost weight and now I"m ALWAYS cold. I've talked to a few other people that have also experienced this phenominan) Anyway, that long ramble to say that I guess I"ll have to ride the exercise bike.
OK, I just did it. I went to weigh myself. I didn't want to leave myself hanging about my weight (tee hee hee) Last Teusday I weighed in at 180.8 on my home scales. ~which equated to 179.8 on the weight watchers scales~~ This morning......183.8. That is a three pound gain! THREE FREAKIN POUNDS! What is it about the 180 pound barrier. I can get myself to 180 point...briefly...and then my weight just pops back up. Absolutely devastating to my morale.
Which brings me to my next subject. I have been debating about going to my meeting tonight. My first debate was because of all the hours that I"m working this week....it's a crazy week at work. MF do overtime? RARE RARE RARE...but not this week! we are talking like LOTS of hours extra..first to get me to a fulltime status (I only work part time normally) and then tons more to push me into the overtime bracket. Means a nice paycheck...but it means that MF's life is crazy. I"m used to having all sorts of time to do things around the house and to help my husband. ANd it does take time to log the mileage that I"ve been putting up on my exercise log. SO I debated about going from that standpoint....timewise. BUT the main thing is the weight. I honestly don't want to go....I'm disgusted.
I haven't weighed myself yet this morning. I have tried to stay away from the scales for the last few days. It was actually becoming counter-productive. It was dragging me down. I"m really worried about what the results may be. I haven't been crazy out of control, however I know that I haven't eaten as WELL as I Could have. I know that the eating not quite as well as I could have has stemmed from two things. Number one, I weighed myself one day and the scales just jumped up with no cause....I fought the urge to become all fatalistic and just say screw it all. and Number two...I'm still down about a situation in my life. So I"m fighting emotional eating! Lovely! Ohhh and something else that is making my weight a bit skewed and off kilter I"m sure (or will be when I hop on the scales)...my body is all whacked out.....things are not being eliminated regularly.....and that can seriously affect weight. OH well.....we take the good and we take the bad. (dang, can I just keep singing the Facts of LIfe theme song? Remember that show???)
Well, TOdd and I were going to go for a walk this morning. HOwever, it's raining. AGAIN. I know I know I know. Come the middle of summer we will be BEGGING for rain, and I'll be writing stuff like, "If it would just rain!" I'm never happy..tee hee hee. OH yeah, and the cold. This is the coldest May. We are literally what...two weeks? from June and it's dang cold out there! What's up with this????? I want warm weather. I'm so tired of being cold. I'm cold all the time. 60 degree weather makes me cold. Heck, I"m cold in my house, I"m cold outside. I"m just dang cold! The hot weather has seemed to be the only time that my appendages (fingers and toes especially) are not icicles! That is the only negative about losing weight that I have found. (I lost weight and now I"m ALWAYS cold. I've talked to a few other people that have also experienced this phenominan) Anyway, that long ramble to say that I guess I"ll have to ride the exercise bike.
OK, I just did it. I went to weigh myself. I didn't want to leave myself hanging about my weight (tee hee hee) Last Teusday I weighed in at 180.8 on my home scales. ~which equated to 179.8 on the weight watchers scales~~ This morning......183.8. That is a three pound gain! THREE FREAKIN POUNDS! What is it about the 180 pound barrier. I can get myself to 180 point...briefly...and then my weight just pops back up. Absolutely devastating to my morale.
Which brings me to my next subject. I have been debating about going to my meeting tonight. My first debate was because of all the hours that I"m working this week....it's a crazy week at work. MF do overtime? RARE RARE RARE...but not this week! we are talking like LOTS of hours extra..first to get me to a fulltime status (I only work part time normally) and then tons more to push me into the overtime bracket. Means a nice paycheck...but it means that MF's life is crazy. I"m used to having all sorts of time to do things around the house and to help my husband. ANd it does take time to log the mileage that I"ve been putting up on my exercise log. SO I debated about going from that standpoint....timewise. BUT the main thing is the weight. I honestly don't want to go....I'm disgusted.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Struggling
RIght now I am struggling so dang hard! I want to eat! I came home from work and I had my dinner all planned out. I had left over points! I ate my dinner that I had planned...and kept eating. I'm now 3 points in the hole!!! What the heck! I know part of my issues that I have with food currently is the resurgance of the feelings that are causing me to feel down in the dumps. I was so energized adn recharged a few weeks (or was it only a week?) ago when I wrote the 'soul searching' entry. How quickly things crumble.
I'm not sure what the scales will hold for me tomorrow! I am going to weigh myself tomorrow regardless. I'll admit that if it's really bad I may not go to my weight watcher meeting. I know that is bad. REally bad. If it's somewhat close, I'll probably go. Oh heck, I need to face up to it either way. I guess it will depend on my mood tomorrow.
Got up this morning. And before I even left the bed I had decided that I would ride the exercise bike in the morning and then peddle to work. SO I did a more leisurly ride on the exercise bike ....just 6.61 miles. And yes, I did follow through and ride to work. Dang it was cold and windy! Luckily I had planned ahead and wore pants, a teeshirt and a sweatshirt! Changed into work clothes when I arrived at work and then back into my riding clothes at the end of the day. All was good! :-)
Nothing else exciting happening here. Oh wait...yes....our NEW lawn mower is making funky noises!!!!! What the heck....are we cursed? At least we bought the extended warranty...but still....waiting for it to get fixed the grass will grow up around my ears!
I'm not sure what the scales will hold for me tomorrow! I am going to weigh myself tomorrow regardless. I'll admit that if it's really bad I may not go to my weight watcher meeting. I know that is bad. REally bad. If it's somewhat close, I'll probably go. Oh heck, I need to face up to it either way. I guess it will depend on my mood tomorrow.
Got up this morning. And before I even left the bed I had decided that I would ride the exercise bike in the morning and then peddle to work. SO I did a more leisurly ride on the exercise bike ....just 6.61 miles. And yes, I did follow through and ride to work. Dang it was cold and windy! Luckily I had planned ahead and wore pants, a teeshirt and a sweatshirt! Changed into work clothes when I arrived at work and then back into my riding clothes at the end of the day. All was good! :-)
Nothing else exciting happening here. Oh wait...yes....our NEW lawn mower is making funky noises!!!!! What the heck....are we cursed? At least we bought the extended warranty...but still....waiting for it to get fixed the grass will grow up around my ears!
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Friday victory!
Well, I was so utterly proud of myself yesterday. I feel as if I manuevered and managed that potluck so good! I ate a little bit of baked beans and the rest of my meal...FRUIT! I did go back mid afternoon to grab another strawberry (actually two) but I stayed away from all the yummy looking fattening foods. I didn't have any going away cake, no punch..nuttin! I came home and ate healthy for dinner.
Today looking at my eating I have to look at it relatively. I don't feel as if I've been bad. Especially when I look at what I would have 'previously' before this new lifestyle would have eaten. We went out to Hoss's. I ate probably more than I normally do now...but soooo much better than previously. OK...I just wrote it down in my journal. With my dinner....I am actually only 1 point over for today. That's not bad! And knowing that I didnt blow my whole day, will make it that much easier for me to not eat poorly tonight and snack away! I was actually proud of myself. I had picked up a piece of garlic bread to eat. It looked sooooo good...all buttery and toasty. BUT, when I tasted it..they had put too much garlic on it......it wasnt bad..but it didn't taste good. I ate a bite..and put it aside and didn't touch it again. Likewise, I had gotten some applesauce for my dessert (off the salad bar). I tasted it...and it tasted like crap. (OK, it also wasn't bad...but I'm used to my own homemade applesauec..and nothing compares to homemade/home canned applesauce). I took one bite and decided that even though it was a fruit...it wasn't worth it! I put that aside.
Todd and I walked through the mall after lunch. I bought two more skirts today. They are really cute. I can't wait to wear them. :-) Theywere on sale at JcPenney's....but one get one for a dollar. Not too bad. So I basically got them about $15 a piece. They are adorable. I actually saw them last week when I was shopping with mom...but I Couldn't find them when we first walked through the store. I saw them on the way out of hte mall (we had parked outside of Penney's)...but by that time I had spent my money and I was tired. I didn't feel like trying anything else on! I'll admit...I went into the mall with the thought of getting the skirt today. And I went ahead and just got two....I'd be a fool to pay full price for one and ignore the second one that I could get for a buck! :-) Straight up size 12! It seems as if I'm a solid size 12. WOO HOOO!
Ohhh yeah, then we walked by B MOss. I saw the most adorable sundress in the window. It was a white background with red flowers all over it. ABSOLUTELY adorable. I went in to try it on. They had a size 10 and a size 14. The 14 was too big...the 10 was too small. It was 50% off also. Shucks! Oh well...that still woul dhave been $40. And I haven't even worn this last sundress that I bought! LOL
Todd and I went into the dreaded yucky walmart. Got a few things in there....and hightailed it out of there as quickly as possible. After walmart we headed to Martins to get our groceries. Nope, I don't do groceries at walmart. I won't lie and say that I"ve never done it...but we go mostly organic and natural. In our area, Martins is pretty much the best mainstream grocery store for buying that kind of product. Groceries bought, we came home...I put everything away, cleaned my produce/fruit (this week it's bananas, apples, grapes, cherries, and strawberries...yummy) and whipped up a batch of watergate salad for Todd. I sat around a bit talking to todd....adn now here I am. YEp, my day has just been super exciting hasn't it? Woo hooo. It was nice to get out though.
I really should get on the exercise bike tonight. But I think I'm going to skip it tonight. I've ridden like a demon this week. I will get back on tomorrow...without fail! :-)
Emotionally, I'm feeling really blue. Nothing too much about my weight. Yeah, I'm disgusted that my weight is flucuating...but I'm not too worried about it...I'm going to muscle through the 180 wall that is before me. It's just life in general. HOnestly I'll also admit that my mind is stuck and dwelling on a problem that I face in my daily life. ANd that just sucks the joy from me. I know it happens...and I know that just recognizing it should make it easier to shake these feelings from me......but it's so much easier said than done.
Even though I'm blue and down though...I refuse to let it suck my self confidence again!!!!
Today looking at my eating I have to look at it relatively. I don't feel as if I've been bad. Especially when I look at what I would have 'previously' before this new lifestyle would have eaten. We went out to Hoss's. I ate probably more than I normally do now...but soooo much better than previously. OK...I just wrote it down in my journal. With my dinner....I am actually only 1 point over for today. That's not bad! And knowing that I didnt blow my whole day, will make it that much easier for me to not eat poorly tonight and snack away! I was actually proud of myself. I had picked up a piece of garlic bread to eat. It looked sooooo good...all buttery and toasty. BUT, when I tasted it..they had put too much garlic on it......it wasnt bad..but it didn't taste good. I ate a bite..and put it aside and didn't touch it again. Likewise, I had gotten some applesauce for my dessert (off the salad bar). I tasted it...and it tasted like crap. (OK, it also wasn't bad...but I'm used to my own homemade applesauec..and nothing compares to homemade/home canned applesauce). I took one bite and decided that even though it was a fruit...it wasn't worth it! I put that aside.
Todd and I walked through the mall after lunch. I bought two more skirts today. They are really cute. I can't wait to wear them. :-) Theywere on sale at JcPenney's....but one get one for a dollar. Not too bad. So I basically got them about $15 a piece. They are adorable. I actually saw them last week when I was shopping with mom...but I Couldn't find them when we first walked through the store. I saw them on the way out of hte mall (we had parked outside of Penney's)...but by that time I had spent my money and I was tired. I didn't feel like trying anything else on! I'll admit...I went into the mall with the thought of getting the skirt today. And I went ahead and just got two....I'd be a fool to pay full price for one and ignore the second one that I could get for a buck! :-) Straight up size 12! It seems as if I'm a solid size 12. WOO HOOO!
Ohhh yeah, then we walked by B MOss. I saw the most adorable sundress in the window. It was a white background with red flowers all over it. ABSOLUTELY adorable. I went in to try it on. They had a size 10 and a size 14. The 14 was too big...the 10 was too small. It was 50% off also. Shucks! Oh well...that still woul dhave been $40. And I haven't even worn this last sundress that I bought! LOL
Todd and I went into the dreaded yucky walmart. Got a few things in there....and hightailed it out of there as quickly as possible. After walmart we headed to Martins to get our groceries. Nope, I don't do groceries at walmart. I won't lie and say that I"ve never done it...but we go mostly organic and natural. In our area, Martins is pretty much the best mainstream grocery store for buying that kind of product. Groceries bought, we came home...I put everything away, cleaned my produce/fruit (this week it's bananas, apples, grapes, cherries, and strawberries...yummy) and whipped up a batch of watergate salad for Todd. I sat around a bit talking to todd....adn now here I am. YEp, my day has just been super exciting hasn't it? Woo hooo. It was nice to get out though.
I really should get on the exercise bike tonight. But I think I'm going to skip it tonight. I've ridden like a demon this week. I will get back on tomorrow...without fail! :-)
Emotionally, I'm feeling really blue. Nothing too much about my weight. Yeah, I'm disgusted that my weight is flucuating...but I'm not too worried about it...I'm going to muscle through the 180 wall that is before me. It's just life in general. HOnestly I'll also admit that my mind is stuck and dwelling on a problem that I face in my daily life. ANd that just sucks the joy from me. I know it happens...and I know that just recognizing it should make it easier to shake these feelings from me......but it's so much easier said than done.
Even though I'm blue and down though...I refuse to let it suck my self confidence again!!!!
Friday, May 16, 2008
The excuse for my weight issues!!!
What perfect timing to get this cartoon in my email. I've found the excuse for my weight woes!
The 'weight god's' are smiling upon me (haa haa haa...the weight gods...that's so nutty and sacrilegious) BUT, I came to work with my fruit tray, I walked into the back door and hallelujah the pot luck was set up in the back hallway! Normally we set it up on the counter right behind the teller line. AND to make matters better, I am not at the drive through window...which is RIGHT BESIDE the food today! I was a bit worried about having to sit here and actually look at the food all day. So I'm one happy camper! I am however getting hungry.....fruit fruit, here I come! :-) And if I'm lucky there will something else that I can possibly eat. I'm not doing it if it's not healthy though. SO it may just be fruit for me to eat. AND, I'm going to only use the dip minimally. :-)
I will beat this!
Come on 10AM...so I can go to work!
I'm bored this morning. I woke up early and got everything that needed to be done completed and finished by 7AM....including a 9.87 mile ride, preparing a fruit tray, dinner in the crockpot, dishes washed, showered, dressed, bed made. Dang I was good. SO here I sit, waiting to go to work at 10AM...bored. SO I started playing with my digital camera and the timer. HEre is a not so bad picture of me....although my teeth look kinda weird and as you can tell, I'm letting my hair dry naturally, so it's still a bit wet. OH well
What the..... This morning my weight was up like two pounds! IT's the same pattern. I dip into the 170's and then boom, I jump back up! I DO know that I had a heavier meal...lots of carbs last night. AND this mornings weigh in was earlier than I normally weigh in and just before some normal morning routines. HOwever.....damn. I think I'm going to focus for the next few days and pretty much ignore the scales here at home. It's just going to frustrate me to no end.
Maybe this little spike was what I needed to help me stay focused at the pot luck today. I know that honestly it makes me want to give in and eat like a pig because I feel that 'I may as well...the weight is gonna sky rocket anyway'. BUT, I can't adopt that fatalistic attitude!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Thursday evening check in
My legs are tired today after my workout. I can feel some muscle soreness in my calves. I dont' normally feel that after a ride...so it's kinda cool. I guess it's a combo of the big ride today...the small ride yesterday and HOURS of climbing up and down a ladder yesterday. WHatever it is...I"m good with it.
We had pancakes for dinner tonight. I had a huge portion. However, I'm not too worried. I had the points for them. AND, knowing that I was going to have pancakes tonight, I watched my carb intake today. NO toast for me. :-)
Tomorrow is a pot luck at work. I am a bit worried. I was goign to forgo it totally. I mean, I was goign to take something...just not eat. And the teller supervisor had a fit saying things like, "You ARE going to eat" and stuff like that. SHe was like, "You can have a little of everything" The problem being...I know me..I can't just stop with a 'little' of everything. That is the problem. If I start, I will not be able to stop. SOOOOOO to appease everyone, I'm taking a fruit tray and a fruit dip. As long as I stay away from the fruit dip, I"ll be ok! I plan on having ONE serving of fruit dip. :-) I am losing weight. There is NO way I want to mess that up! NO way! It's taken me soooo long to get the weight going down.
We had pancakes for dinner tonight. I had a huge portion. However, I'm not too worried. I had the points for them. AND, knowing that I was going to have pancakes tonight, I watched my carb intake today. NO toast for me. :-)
Tomorrow is a pot luck at work. I am a bit worried. I was goign to forgo it totally. I mean, I was goign to take something...just not eat. And the teller supervisor had a fit saying things like, "You ARE going to eat" and stuff like that. SHe was like, "You can have a little of everything" The problem being...I know me..I can't just stop with a 'little' of everything. That is the problem. If I start, I will not be able to stop. SOOOOOO to appease everyone, I'm taking a fruit tray and a fruit dip. As long as I stay away from the fruit dip, I"ll be ok! I plan on having ONE serving of fruit dip. :-) I am losing weight. There is NO way I want to mess that up! NO way! It's taken me soooo long to get the weight going down.
Just a thought!
SOme quotes that hit me today..paraphrased
It's all about rebuilding a self image. I need to take a look at my achievments and feel a sense of accomplishment in them. I need to be the girl that CAN and I need to be the girl that DOES! NOt the girl that quits because it's hard. I need to change my perspective!
That just totally hit me.....That is something that just hit me within the last few weeks. SO to hear it coming at me (from the biggest loser austrailian season 1...episode 31) was a good reminder that I'm on track.
Meanwhile, my weight is going down a bit! WOO HOOO! I actually rode the bike this morning. 18.3 miles! INstead of doing two separate rides...I just did a long one! :-) THus far this week, two days in; my mileage is at 37.62 miles! Awesome!
It's all about rebuilding a self image. I need to take a look at my achievments and feel a sense of accomplishment in them. I need to be the girl that CAN and I need to be the girl that DOES! NOt the girl that quits because it's hard. I need to change my perspective!
That just totally hit me.....That is something that just hit me within the last few weeks. SO to hear it coming at me (from the biggest loser austrailian season 1...episode 31) was a good reminder that I'm on track.
Meanwhile, my weight is going down a bit! WOO HOOO! I actually rode the bike this morning. 18.3 miles! INstead of doing two separate rides...I just did a long one! :-) THus far this week, two days in; my mileage is at 37.62 miles! Awesome!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
A day off well spent....now I"m well spent
BUSY BUSY BUSY day....and it was/is my day off of work! I got up at around 6Am. I did some work here at my desk, such as organizing my 'dump it in' bin, payed a few bills, copied a few dvd's, took my measurements for the month of May, updated my weight loss charts, that kind of thing. I then took off on a mad cleaning dash through the house. Toilets, floors, tables, nothing was untouched! I was a cleaning machine. I was outside by 9Am. I painted. And I painted. I did take a break for lunch. BUt immediately following that I painted. Then I painted some more. ANd then, just because that wasn't enough, I painted. FINALLY, I decided to call it quits for the day. I came inside and hopped onto the exercise bike and rode! I didn't ride too overly far or too overly long. BUt I rode. 7.38 miles. I ran out to the kitchen and put dinner in the oven. AND then FINALLY jumped into the shower. THe hot water felt soooo good. THe only problem. I had already done a few loads of laundry, washed some dishes and Todd had been i the shower. THe hot water didn't last all that long. ARRGGHH Oh well...it was good while it lasted.
Dinner...what the heck. I made scalloped potatoes. I've made this recipe a million ga-jillion times. ANd I was soooo hungry. SO when it was time to eat and I served them up....ick...they were still hard. Ok, they weren't hard...they just weren't totally soft. What's up with that. They were in the oven the full length of time...actually even longer than should be. ARRGGHHH OH well...everything else was tasty.
Hopefully my day of activity will show pleasant results on the scales tomorrow! This morning, I was only down .2 pounds from my yesterday morning home weight (yesterday was 180.6.....today was 180.4) I can't wait until I actually see the 170's on my home scales also! THen I will KNOW that I"m there.
Talking to Todd about my reward that I set for myself for the 170's. It was to go away on a day trip. I still want to do it. But we have soooo much dang work around the house here. And we have a self imposed deadline to get it done. SO all our time off gets sucked into these projects. I'm going to reward my self with the clothes taht I bought on Sunday. And give myself a little shopping trip every 5 pounds as a reward. :-) ONce we get some of these projects off our plates, then I"ll revisit the idea of going on a day trip! We'll see. The car stero is still my 164 goal though!
I'm planning on making pancakes and canadian bacon for a meal tomorrow. That sounds SOO Good to me. MY mouth is watering just thinkign about it. Yes, I'll eat healthy the rest of the day to compensate for it! AND exercise to beat the band. I"m actually hoping to get two rides in tomorrow. I watch the biggest loser austrailian season one while riding on the indoor bike currently. Tomorrow should be a normal 30 minute episode. And that would put me in line for an hour long episode on Friday. HOWEVER, with my work...it would be best for me to do a shorter ride on Friday. SOOO I"m going to try to ride twice tomorrow 1.5 hours. :-) We'll see. Honestly, like normal, I"ll be happy with one ride :-)
Dinner...what the heck. I made scalloped potatoes. I've made this recipe a million ga-jillion times. ANd I was soooo hungry. SO when it was time to eat and I served them up....ick...they were still hard. Ok, they weren't hard...they just weren't totally soft. What's up with that. They were in the oven the full length of time...actually even longer than should be. ARRGGHHH OH well...everything else was tasty.
Hopefully my day of activity will show pleasant results on the scales tomorrow! This morning, I was only down .2 pounds from my yesterday morning home weight (yesterday was 180.6.....today was 180.4) I can't wait until I actually see the 170's on my home scales also! THen I will KNOW that I"m there.
Talking to Todd about my reward that I set for myself for the 170's. It was to go away on a day trip. I still want to do it. But we have soooo much dang work around the house here. And we have a self imposed deadline to get it done. SO all our time off gets sucked into these projects. I'm going to reward my self with the clothes taht I bought on Sunday. And give myself a little shopping trip every 5 pounds as a reward. :-) ONce we get some of these projects off our plates, then I"ll revisit the idea of going on a day trip! We'll see. The car stero is still my 164 goal though!
I'm planning on making pancakes and canadian bacon for a meal tomorrow. That sounds SOO Good to me. MY mouth is watering just thinkign about it. Yes, I'll eat healthy the rest of the day to compensate for it! AND exercise to beat the band. I"m actually hoping to get two rides in tomorrow. I watch the biggest loser austrailian season one while riding on the indoor bike currently. Tomorrow should be a normal 30 minute episode. And that would put me in line for an hour long episode on Friday. HOWEVER, with my work...it would be best for me to do a shorter ride on Friday. SOOO I"m going to try to ride twice tomorrow 1.5 hours. :-) We'll see. Honestly, like normal, I"ll be happy with one ride :-)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Tuesday update
Ok...got home from work at about two-thirty. I sat around and talked to Todd a bit until he left at about three. I motivated myself to get outside and mow the yard. I was out on the mower until about 4. I came in and putzed around for the next half hour to 45 minutes which is when I left to go to my weight watchers meeting. TOdd and I had decided for me to go to the early weight watcher meeting while he was volunteering at the soup kitchen. I would then stick around and chit chat with my normal meeting mates when the came in until he was done...and then we would meet up for dinner. We went to Corsi's. IT was very good!
SOOOOOO now that I have wasted all this time......lets cut to the chase. My most unrealistic (yet still plausible with a long stretch of my imagination...hopes and dresams) was for me to make it to the 170's. I thought that after the icing incident that it was shot. This morning I kinda hoped, but I didn't want to think about it too overly much. Well, tonight I weighed in at 179.8. I squeeked into the 170's! I made it. Now I've just got to STAY here! I can do it! And I will do it! These last two weeks have been collosal weeks of weight loss for me. I know and fully expect my weight loss to slow down a bit. I'm ok with that...as long as it remains going down nice and steady! This also puts me at 15 pounds from my weight watchers goal!!! Woo hooo! I'm rolling now! :-)
SOOOOOO now that I have wasted all this time......lets cut to the chase. My most unrealistic (yet still plausible with a long stretch of my imagination...hopes and dresams) was for me to make it to the 170's. I thought that after the icing incident that it was shot. This morning I kinda hoped, but I didn't want to think about it too overly much. Well, tonight I weighed in at 179.8. I squeeked into the 170's! I made it. Now I've just got to STAY here! I can do it! And I will do it! These last two weeks have been collosal weeks of weight loss for me. I know and fully expect my weight loss to slow down a bit. I'm ok with that...as long as it remains going down nice and steady! This also puts me at 15 pounds from my weight watchers goal!!! Woo hooo! I'm rolling now! :-)
First we'll talk about something that I just found...then we'll get to my weight and how I'm doing.
I'm at work today and I'm just killing time. I decided to go online and take an IQ test. I'm always fascinated to see if the results are close to where they should be (yeah, I've had my IQ officially tested a few times in the past). Well, I got bored taking IQ tests online (yeah, they tested me relatively close to my official iq...one was 10-15 points lower (this one also timed how long it took me for my responses.....and since I'm at work having to stop to attend to customers, that would account for that). The other one put me at about 6-7 points low...so that's not too bad). OK...anyway...I moved on to personality tests, talents tests and all sorts of things like that. I'm apparently very verbal (duh) and very creative and adventurous. Well, I took a temptation test. And I actually answered the food temptation questions really good....because right now I'm hot on the eating scene. This was my results:
Maryfran, when it comes to temptation you're a Hedonist
It has become apparent that the word "no" is not one you use too often. In fact, it seems you just might have replaced it with "sure," "pour it on," and "I'll take it." As a Hedonist, you probably see no reason to put limits on pleasure. When the little angel of your conscience arrives on your shoulder to challenge your indulgent side, it's usually knocked off by that little devil who's never too far away from your decisions.It seems that extravagance to you is a way of life, not an isolated event. And discipline is a punishment that you choose not to employ — it's overrated anyway. All this good stuff is here for a reason, right? Someone's gotta have fun with it and you only live once!
Woah, does that explain why I was able to eat my way up to 300 plus pounds? And that's kinda scary that I apparently have no control over my temptations! woah doggie!
On to my weight. I weighed myself this morning. I was 180.6. So I'm ok. I was hoping to make it to the 170's this week. BUt you know...there is always next week! (Not to mention that the official weigh in hasn't occured yet...not that I expect a miracle..but you never know...sometimes it does weigh me less at my meeting!) I think I'm going to go to the early meeting. I work until 2 today...so I can make an earlier meeting. Todd volunteers at the soup kitchen tonight. SO since we will both be in town, we are thinking about meeting up afterwards and going out to dinner. It means that tomorrow on our day off that we will stay closer to home.....and eat at home...thus saving a extra trip to town! Which isn't a problem. But since we are already both going to be in town tonight, it just makes sense! :-)
I've been doing very good with the weight thing. Other than the other day, I've managed to pull myself together and keep it under control. :-) WOo hooo. Haven't exercised today...but then I wasn't plannign on it...a I do need a day of rest. SOOOOO anyway!
I'm at work today and I'm just killing time. I decided to go online and take an IQ test. I'm always fascinated to see if the results are close to where they should be (yeah, I've had my IQ officially tested a few times in the past). Well, I got bored taking IQ tests online (yeah, they tested me relatively close to my official iq...one was 10-15 points lower (this one also timed how long it took me for my responses.....and since I'm at work having to stop to attend to customers, that would account for that). The other one put me at about 6-7 points low...so that's not too bad). OK...anyway...I moved on to personality tests, talents tests and all sorts of things like that. I'm apparently very verbal (duh) and very creative and adventurous. Well, I took a temptation test. And I actually answered the food temptation questions really good....because right now I'm hot on the eating scene. This was my results:
Maryfran, when it comes to temptation you're a Hedonist
It has become apparent that the word "no" is not one you use too often. In fact, it seems you just might have replaced it with "sure," "pour it on," and "I'll take it." As a Hedonist, you probably see no reason to put limits on pleasure. When the little angel of your conscience arrives on your shoulder to challenge your indulgent side, it's usually knocked off by that little devil who's never too far away from your decisions.It seems that extravagance to you is a way of life, not an isolated event. And discipline is a punishment that you choose not to employ — it's overrated anyway. All this good stuff is here for a reason, right? Someone's gotta have fun with it and you only live once!
Woah, does that explain why I was able to eat my way up to 300 plus pounds? And that's kinda scary that I apparently have no control over my temptations! woah doggie!
On to my weight. I weighed myself this morning. I was 180.6. So I'm ok. I was hoping to make it to the 170's this week. BUt you know...there is always next week! (Not to mention that the official weigh in hasn't occured yet...not that I expect a miracle..but you never know...sometimes it does weigh me less at my meeting!) I think I'm going to go to the early meeting. I work until 2 today...so I can make an earlier meeting. Todd volunteers at the soup kitchen tonight. SO since we will both be in town, we are thinking about meeting up afterwards and going out to dinner. It means that tomorrow on our day off that we will stay closer to home.....and eat at home...thus saving a extra trip to town! Which isn't a problem. But since we are already both going to be in town tonight, it just makes sense! :-)
I've been doing very good with the weight thing. Other than the other day, I've managed to pull myself together and keep it under control. :-) WOo hooo. Haven't exercised today...but then I wasn't plannign on it...a I do need a day of rest. SOOOOO anyway!
Monday, May 12, 2008
I woke up this morning, and saw my new dress hanging where I had placed it yesterday (yep, too lazy to put it the 'whole' way into the closet..lol). I stretched and simply smiled. You know...I'm NOT a ten. I know it. Probably if you looked at me, you'd know it. But I bought a size ten article of clothing. ME! Mom was talking and she thinks I"ll end up being around a size then when this is all over. That has honestly been my thought from day one. I"m not sure though. I've stll got about 20 pounds to go to get to my weight watchers goal. And then i want to go 10-15 pounds further for my own personal goal. But yeah, I expect to be about an 8 -10. Like I said...absolutely crazy.
Meanwhile, I think I"m becoming addicted to shopping. What's up with this? And I'm buying more feminine clothes...which is not the 'old me'. I know that part of it is that I can actually fit into nice looking clothes and I actually look pretty good in them. (well, better than I did before...lol). It is a rush to be able to walk into any store at the mall and pick up something off the rack and try it on. AND, not have to sort through rack after rack of granny looking clothes to find something that looks somewhat youthful in the fat womens clothing stores/areas. It is a rush to be able to look at a size on a tag and go...woah, that's me! I'm not sure my mind is in total belief yet...but it's coming around.
Meanwhile, it's POURING down rain! It's coming down in buckets! NOt that I'm complaining. No, quite the contrary, I like the rain. HOWEVER, I am not at all happy with the drop in temperature that has accompanied this rain. EWWWWW
Meanwhile, I think I"m becoming addicted to shopping. What's up with this? And I'm buying more feminine clothes...which is not the 'old me'. I know that part of it is that I can actually fit into nice looking clothes and I actually look pretty good in them. (well, better than I did before...lol). It is a rush to be able to walk into any store at the mall and pick up something off the rack and try it on. AND, not have to sort through rack after rack of granny looking clothes to find something that looks somewhat youthful in the fat womens clothing stores/areas. It is a rush to be able to look at a size on a tag and go...woah, that's me! I'm not sure my mind is in total belief yet...but it's coming around.
Meanwhile, it's POURING down rain! It's coming down in buckets! NOt that I'm complaining. No, quite the contrary, I like the rain. HOWEVER, I am not at all happy with the drop in temperature that has accompanied this rain. EWWWWW
Sunday, May 11, 2008
TEN
Another recent pic of me. I realized that I have next to no pictures of me. That is not cool!Well....today was a BLOCKBUSTER day. I went shopping again. I found the most adorable sundress. I was absolutely adorable. And on sale. I tried on the 12. That's the size that I wear right now. Well....I tried it on and it just didn'tseem to fit quite right...a bit loose. LOOSE???? Well, for a giggle I decided to try on the next lower size. I had no hope of it fitting...but I thought it would be neat to see how close I was to actually wearing a 10. Well, I got it into the fitting room and tried it on. It fit PERFECTLY! A TEN! 10! Neun! Diez! Dix! X!!! Amazing! I was goign to buy it even as a 12. BUT to be able to buy a ten!!!! WOAH Doggie!!!!!! Unbelievable
!
Reflections on the icing incident
Now that I am sufficiently awake and able to really reflect upon the icing squirting incident I just want to kick myself. WHY in the world would I act like such a pig. Yeah, that is such a piggish thing to do. As previously mentioned, I am not going to weight myself today. I thought about it...but decided against it! I'm going to simply be good and work to eradicate any badness that the icing incident did to my body.
BUT that brings me to my thoughts this morning. What brought this on. I was so determined to make it through this with flying colors! I can definitely say that if Todd were at home and in the living room, visible from where I was. HEck even the threat of him walking in, I probably would not have done it! THat's not too shocking, I know that I have a tendency to be a closet eater. I don't want anyone seeing me make a total hog of myself. (so I blog about it for anyone to see...there's reason eh?). Number two, I know that I was doing really good until I accidentally licked a bit of icing off my finger while I was cleaning up. The taste got in my mouth and I just literally went crazy. A momentary lapse of judgement. OR whatever you want to call it. This is something new I'm learning. Once I get my first taste of something...I just can't stop. Woah...isn't that like an alcoholic...they are ok, maybe tempted but ok until they actually START..and then they can't stop! Ironically I could have stopped the spiral if I had immediately gotten a drink and popped a piece of gum in my mouth to take away the taste. Which brings me to another thought. This incident happened really quickly. I"d say it happened i less than 3 minutes. Yeah, less than three minutes! Honestly, by the time my mind had figured out what my body was doing and eating, it was already done.
LEssons learned:
1. don't do these tempting food activities unless someone is nearby.
2. Don't start...because once the taste is in my mouth, I go crazy!
3. It's quick!
NOt that any of these lessons are particularly fantastic, but you know every little bit I know about myself, the better off I am!
I had someone just recently say that they were in awe of how intuned I am to my body. I know how my body reacts to all sorts of situations. I know what my body needs and craves. And it made me think......yeah, it's all due to these little lessons and thoughts in this blog!
Well, I'm hoping to ride the indoor bike this morning before trucking off to church. I"m also hoping to maybe go for a walk with mom this afternoon. It will help me...but it will also be really good for her! If I have the gumption when I get home I would LOVE to ride again this evening. However, looking at it realistically speaking, I don't expect that to happen. BUt it is a good thought! :-)
BUT that brings me to my thoughts this morning. What brought this on. I was so determined to make it through this with flying colors! I can definitely say that if Todd were at home and in the living room, visible from where I was. HEck even the threat of him walking in, I probably would not have done it! THat's not too shocking, I know that I have a tendency to be a closet eater. I don't want anyone seeing me make a total hog of myself. (so I blog about it for anyone to see...there's reason eh?). Number two, I know that I was doing really good until I accidentally licked a bit of icing off my finger while I was cleaning up. The taste got in my mouth and I just literally went crazy. A momentary lapse of judgement. OR whatever you want to call it. This is something new I'm learning. Once I get my first taste of something...I just can't stop. Woah...isn't that like an alcoholic...they are ok, maybe tempted but ok until they actually START..and then they can't stop! Ironically I could have stopped the spiral if I had immediately gotten a drink and popped a piece of gum in my mouth to take away the taste. Which brings me to another thought. This incident happened really quickly. I"d say it happened i less than 3 minutes. Yeah, less than three minutes! Honestly, by the time my mind had figured out what my body was doing and eating, it was already done.
LEssons learned:
1. don't do these tempting food activities unless someone is nearby.
2. Don't start...because once the taste is in my mouth, I go crazy!
3. It's quick!
NOt that any of these lessons are particularly fantastic, but you know every little bit I know about myself, the better off I am!
I had someone just recently say that they were in awe of how intuned I am to my body. I know how my body reacts to all sorts of situations. I know what my body needs and craves. And it made me think......yeah, it's all due to these little lessons and thoughts in this blog!
Well, I'm hoping to ride the indoor bike this morning before trucking off to church. I"m also hoping to maybe go for a walk with mom this afternoon. It will help me...but it will also be really good for her! If I have the gumption when I get home I would LOVE to ride again this evening. However, looking at it realistically speaking, I don't expect that to happen. BUt it is a good thought! :-)
Saturday, May 10, 2008
squirting the icing into my mouth!
Well, I was feeling sick today. I came home from work and was still feeling a bit peakish. SO I decided to decorate the cake. Well, I got sidetracked by the Kirby salesman that came to the door. YEAH YEAH YEAH>..I"m a sucker and let them in to give me a demo. NO, I did NOT buy. HOwever, I'll admit to being quit impressed with the machine! AND, I got my living room carpet not only vacumned but also shampooed! BUT, it put me behind in my cake decorating. I didn't get done until right around 4pm. No lunch. Yeah yeah yeah...bad thing. Yeah, I kinda squeezed a 'bit' of the icing into my mouth. Uhhh a good bit! Well, I was cleaning up and taking pictures of the cake and all that. Todd came home and I was talking to him. We were hungry and TOdd wanted tacos....nothing like a bad meal! ARRGGHH
I'm going to have to be super good tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday!!!!! I have also decided that I'm not weighing myself tomorrow and maybe not monday. That way I can recoup a little without the disappointing gain. Tuesday I'll face it! :-)
Meanwhile, as you can see the cake turned out fairly well. I"m happy with it. I'm still not a big fan of the confederate flag....er the naval confed flag...and the second or third one at that. Oh well. BUt apparently it's a big southern rock thing...lynard skinner and the free bird or something. LOL
Did get on the bike and rode for just under 10 miles. SO at least I have that. I've also started doing some weight with my arms during the first 5-10 minutes of my ride on the exercise bike. I can feel it in my arms...boy are they sore!
Sick...but maintaining
I woke up about 15 minutes before the alarm went off this morning, sick. Now, when I was larger, I would wake up many times in the middle of the night sick to my stomach. This doesn't happen often, so that when it does I'm just kinda shocked. I've been queasy all morning. Just can't get rid of the quesiness. I don't know why. Is it because of the cake batter that I ate...my body just rebelling? Do I have a touch of something? Todd's comment was 'maybe you're pregnant. Nope, well it's possible I guess...but I highly doubt it as the ick was just here last weekend. Who knows!? But, meanwhile, I'll sit here queasy and just hope it goes the heck away.
I did step onto the scales. 181.4. Exactly the same as yesterday morning. I'm pretty tickled...because after the cake batter...you never know! I was halfways expecting my weight to go up a bit. WHEW! What a relief to not. Like I said last night. I actually DID have 6 points that I didn't eat...so the cake batter was actually probably washed out by that and by my activity points for the day.
I just pulled fitday.com up ....for me to make 150 pound personal goal by my birthday (Dec. 10th) I have to lose 1.14 pounds a week. SO that is a totally doable goal! :-) If I can do the average of 2 pounds a week....I would be at 150 by September 10th. :-) FOr the 163 goal.....which is my weight watchers goal...at 2 pounds a week.....I could do it by the end of the July. Not much happening here. I'm at work. Queasy for some reason. Actually woke up this morning sick. Oh well....I'm sure it will pass. :-) At noon, I'll be able to leave this joint (I'm at work). I'll be then making the icing and decorating that darn cake. :-) And then I so desperately have to clean the house! Since I was feeling icky this morning I didn't exercise. So I have to do that yet today.
I did step onto the scales. 181.4. Exactly the same as yesterday morning. I'm pretty tickled...because after the cake batter...you never know! I was halfways expecting my weight to go up a bit. WHEW! What a relief to not. Like I said last night. I actually DID have 6 points that I didn't eat...so the cake batter was actually probably washed out by that and by my activity points for the day.
I just pulled fitday.com up ....for me to make 150 pound personal goal by my birthday (Dec. 10th) I have to lose 1.14 pounds a week. SO that is a totally doable goal! :-) If I can do the average of 2 pounds a week....I would be at 150 by September 10th. :-) FOr the 163 goal.....which is my weight watchers goal...at 2 pounds a week.....I could do it by the end of the July. Not much happening here. I'm at work. Queasy for some reason. Actually woke up this morning sick. Oh well....I'm sure it will pass. :-) At noon, I'll be able to leave this joint (I'm at work). I'll be then making the icing and decorating that darn cake. :-) And then I so desperately have to clean the house! Since I was feeling icky this morning I didn't exercise. So I have to do that yet today.
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