Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Skipped Meeting

I noticed something on Monday. Last summer when I bought my clothes for this job I purposefully bought everything tight. The shirts were not exactly gaping tight but they were right on the cusp of gaping, especially at my bustline. Well, yesterday I wore one of those shirts to work. I was working the drivethrough and couldn't help but notice my reflection in the window. The shirt was lose. As in I could pull the shirt about 2 inches (so 4 inches of fabric) to put it back to the fit that I had last year in the shirt. It looks more frumpy now..but it's REALLY lose.

Something else happened. Tuesday morning I put on my work clothes. I'm wearing another shirt that I've had for a while and that is a bit loose. Todd looked at me and was like, "Damn, in the last month you have become really curvy and your shape is becoming more defined." He was like, is it the clothes you are wearing? I could honestly look at him and say..NOPE, these are clothes that I've been wearing for a year or so!

SO, even though I've not been losing weight, at least it's showing somewhere! The problem, we are a society that is based upon concrete things. A weight, a number on the scale, those are concrete. Something I can announce and it's all good. It's harder to measure, loose clothing, or the occaisional compliment. Yet, it's those things, the compliments the loose clothing, the reduced inches....THOSE are the things that really matter. I need to focus less on the scale and more on the physical changes in my body. OK, ok, ok, easier said then done. Especially since I'm trying get to that magical goal weight!

As for the scales. Do I weigh? Or do I not weigh throughout this week? It really is a dilema for me. I know that to weigh in every day keeps me on track and focused. However, when the scales just do stupid things its so frustrating. Oh well, I'll just play it by ear.

Just recently I read on someones blog (sorry, I can't for the life of me remember whom or even where) about a movie called Touching the Void. It struck a chord because this person mentioned a bit about the story (a mountain climber gets hurt and has to climb down with a broken leg....beating incredible odds). SHe mentioned that this guy did it by focusing on one object and reaching that object. I do this when I'm pushing myself either biking or jogging, so it really struck me. SOOOO I rushed to netflix and put it at the top of my list. It came today. Watched it....INCREDIBLE story! Yes, his focusing on the next goal and setting a time limit to help him remain focused is just amazing. HOWEVER, he knew he had to do something....beat incredible odds...no matter the cost. He ignored the pain. (as best he could) He overcame his fatalistic attitude. And he just did it. My word.....can't that be compared to weight loss. To most people to lose weight is to beat incredible odds. It hurts, physically, mentally and emotionally. And it's so easy to adopt a fatalistic attitude (yeah read my last few posts). The end is worth it. I started this because I knew that my weight was going to kill me. That makes me no different than the main character in the movie....he knew he had to do something or die. Same place I'm at mentally. Or where I was at when I started this journey. Because I knew that I had to do something because my weight was slowly killing me!
That reminds me of something that I read that was written by Lance Armstrong (the biker that battled cancer and came back to win the tour de france many times over. He said taht while training after cancer, the pain of training paled in comparison to the pain of battling cancer. He had stared death in the face and intense training had NOTHING on it.
Beating the odds is truely mental.


Deborah said...

WOW, what an inspiring blog!!!

What great advice!!

Will watch for that movie and think of you the whole time.

You're right we do tend to focus too much on the numbers on the scales and not the numbers of our measurements or the baggy clothes. Gotta remember that.

Alli said...

What an inspirational story. TOtally puts things in perspective. So many times I hear stories like that and am so inspired... if a man with a broken leg can climb his azz down a mountain then I can certainly get off the couch and exercise.
Thank you for sharing that!