My week

Things have been going ok for me. I've had a few heavy meals here and there...but I've really watched what else I've eaten on those days and miraculously my weight is remaining pretty stable. One day I was up about 2 pounds...but I really do feel that it was water retention! I'm hoping for at least a small loss this week. Yeah, I'd like another 2 pound loss or so. But I'll be happy with a maintain or small loss! Just no gain! Ok, I'll not be happy with a small one...but I'll be ok with it!

I am really trying to keep myself fresh with this program and not slip into the 'same old same old' again. Because it's when I'm in that stage that I stop losing! I don't want to hex myself but I think my bad months of one week gain, one week lose back and forth may be past me. I've had two weeks of steady losses. That's another reason i'm hoping for a nice loss again!

Meanwhile, I haven't exercised yet today. That is bad. I know that Todd is working until about 6 and then he wants to go out to dinner. So we won't be getting home until like 8 or so. I have to do laundry then. (which I can do while exercising I'm sure). But once it gets to a certain time...I struggle with exercising! I'm going to perservere though!

WOO HOOOO

Finally, a journal entry that I'm just tickled about writing....I just can't wait to share my news! Let's see if you can guess. onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland!

Nope...I didn't gain weight....I lost 2.2 pounds....which puts me solidly into onederland! 198.2 pounds! I'm so stoked! Scared to death to mess it up and gain...but stoked!

I went in for an 'interview' at a place that I interviewed at a month ago (used bookstore). They had offered me a job then...but I couldn't work for what they offered...and they only offered part time. Well, they came back to day and didn't do an interview like they had said...they offered me the job right off the bat. I'm panicked though.......it's only 1 dollar more an hour....and will add 40 minutes of travel time daily....which will equal to roughly a tank of gas a week. SO after I pay the extra gas money...I"m only talking about $20 a week. The one good thing.....I would have access to their health insurance....after a time. OHhhhhhh I can't stand decisions like this! STRESSSSSSSSSSS I'm going to try to fight off the eating urges!

Back to my Roots!

I’ve noticed in myself that things are starting to get more stale. It’s getting more difficult to follow the program and stay OP. It has made me think about this deeply and something that my favorite weight watcher leader talks about all the time is that when things get stale and routine that you should simply start over. It made me think of how I was at the beginning……….

“I had listened intently to the getting started meeting that the leader led. Now I was eager to get home to read through the materials that I had been given. I burst into the house, dropped my purse on the table and dropped onto the couch with my books and purchases in my hand. With only a short hello to my husband I started reading. “I can do this” I said to myself as I read through the instructions regarding the weight watchers program. The further I read, the more excited I became. This plan was going to work for me. I just knew it. There was a lightness in my heart and a pep to my step (as much as is possible for a morbidly obese person) as I went to my desk and wrote the first date into the three month journal. I constantly read the books those first weeks…reviewing the information and cementing it in my head. I carried my material with me everywhere I went so I wouldn’t be caught off guard. At each weigh in I was tickled to death at the weight I was losing. I was anal about my journaling. Every BLT (bite, lick and taste) went into the journal…heck I was so into it that I probably even put in every sniff of food that I had! . Before I ate anything, I knew exactly how many points it was and how long I would have to work out to negate what I was eating. I was a machine and I was losing! I lost steadily for months. I was looking better and feeling better than I had in ages! I was still excited about the program”
The problem is I lost that excitement somewhere a few months back. I’m still super motivated…..but I stopped being so religious about writing down exactly what I ate, sometimes even fudging the books a bit (ie well, it was SMALL…so I’m sure it was only one point versus two for a normal size portion). The weight loss slowed down drastically also! Looking back and trying to fix my problems so that I can continue to lose weight (and get past this 200 pound mark…that I’ve been trying to break for it seems ages) I realize that I need to go back to the beginning. Make the program fresh and new. Get excited about it again.

I plan on continuing withe my exercise plan. That is basically to exercise 6 days a week...varied things each day. I also want to spend some more time online reading about others (journals) who are on the same journey that I'm on. I want to read success stories....and see success pictures. I need to read my books and my materials front to back again. In fact, I may need to buy the new books...just to have them. New books would be fresh....especially since the books are different now! I'll have to see if I have the money to do that though!

weigh in results

Ok, I should just copy and paste my email from a few weeks ago! I lost nicely...2 pounds...and that put me at 200.4 pounds! Not quite close enough...but a loss nonethe less! Happy on one hand....sad on the other! REALLY afraid that I'll screw things up and gain again...or NOT make it to onederland next week! ARRGGHHH!

I've gotta do this! It will be difficult though. The ick (TOM) will be hitting sometime this week...and honestly I'm just wanting to eat eat eat right now. I could go into the kitchen and make another meal and eat it all! Part of my problem....I saw some cheese in the refridge while making dinner...and had some.... 3 points down the drain for something that wsn't that overly filling. Yummy, yes it was...but filling...no! Otherwise I would have been just fine and dandy with points..and I would have been able to have popcorn or some snack! But noooooo I had to have cheese and use my points. And I'm so afraid that I'll mess up and gain this week that I'm almost afraid to eat! Zero point items...hmmmmmm nope...I can't hack sauerkraut at 8:30 pm....nope...nor green beans...or carrots....hmmmm no zero point foods sound good right now. Ok, if I had my choice.....hmmmm this is hard, I've just sat here for a minute or two trying to think of what I'm actually hungry for...what I would want to eat if i could have anything.....uhhhhmmm. Wow...you know, maybe this is just boredom and lonliness speaking in me telling me to eat! I can think of things that I would eat if i gave myself the go ahead...but to actually say I'm hungry for them...nope. Hmmmmmm now isnt' that food for thought?

Baby steps!

Well...the scales are slowly inching down this week. I like it this way. Sometimes when you get on the scales every day and there is not movement...no matter what you are doing it gets a bit disconcerting. This week however, each day I can see a little improvement in what the scales are saying. Yeah, I'd love for there to be a huge drop...but in my experience, those huge drops sometimes don't stay that way....the little inching stuff usually stays off!

I've been trying to watch very closely to what I'm eating. We are going out to Corsi's tonight...and i'm planning a low point lunch for me. I am saving many more points than I actually need for dinner...because I don't want to blow it anywhere. I'm also trying to watch my points more closely because I'm still not up to par with my exercising...what with my foot and all. So really my weight loss this week will mostly be attributed to straight up healthy eating! I know that 2.4 would be almost a miracle for me to lose this week... ( of course, this morning I was 201.0). I would be tickled to get into onederland. However, I'm not going to be disappointed if I don't get there. AND I'm not going back up if I don't. I've gotten back on the bandwagon...renewed my thoughts and processes. I'm being more anal about journalling EVERYTHING that I eat! I was getting lazy and journalling only ALMOST everything. That is not going to get me anywhere in this journey! Total honesty is the only thing that will help/allow me to reach my goal! I'm so close. My target weight range for weight watchers is 151-158 pounds. So we are talking 43 pounds until I'm within my weight range! That is SOOO doable! I mean...heck, I've done about that since I started weight watchers alone!!!!! Not to mention all that I lost before weight watchers! I've been saying 50 more to go...but 43 sounds oh so much more closer!!!

Report of a 2 point evening

Well.....I had planned my two point evening out. I planned on having green beans (zero points). sauerkrout (zero points), cooked carrots (one point), pears (1 point) and I originally was going to do a two point sandwich (weight watcher bread, smart beat butter, and a teaspoon of jelly). But, todd wanted garlic bread..so I did a three point piece of garlic bread instead. Thus, my dinner consisted of 5 points. Not too bad. (I had already planned to forego what Todd was eating...steak and baked potato....I just don't like that meal...so it worked out well). We ate early.....so late that night I made popcorn....with a little cheese and smartbeat spray butter....three points. I was very satisfied....and I was only six points over for the whole day. That means that I've only used 8 flex points for the whole week! Now...I did exercise that forty-five minutes, mid-high intensity and earned those four aps....so I know that technically I probably only used 2 flex points....but I'm just gonna count 6...because I didn't measuer the parm cheese that I put on the popcorn!

The scales were not adversly effected today...so for that I am happy. Knowing that though...I know that I hvae to be VERY good today. I think having one little day where you mess up is bad....but doesn't affect the weigh loss. But if you string more than one day like that together...eii yiii yiii

Report pf a 2 point evening

Well.....I had planned my two point evening out. I planned on having green beans (zero points). sauerkrout (zero points), cooked carrots (one point), pears (1 point) and I originally was going to do a two point sandwich (weight watcher bread, smart beat butter, and a teaspoon of jelly). But, todd wanted garlic bread..so I did a three point piece of garlic bread instead. Thus, my dinner consisted of 5 points. Not too bad. (I had already planned to forego what Todd was eating...steak and baked potato....I just don't like that meal...so it worked out well). We ate early.....so late that night I made popcorn....with a little cheese and smartbeat spray butter....three points. I was very satisfied....and I was only six points over for the whole day. That means that I've only used 8 flex points for the whole week! Now...I did exercise that forty-five minutes, mid-high intensity and earned those four aps....so I know that technically I probably only used 2 flex points....but I'm just gonna count 6...because I didn't measuer the parm cheese that I put on the popcorn!

The scales were not adversly effected today...so for that I am happy. Knowing that though...I know that I hvae to be VERY good today. I think having one little day where you mess up is bad....but doesn't affect the weigh loss. But if you string more than one day like that together...eii yiii yiii

Did it...done it!

I did it today with eating. I stopped at Blimpies on the way home today (todd couldn't go with me this morning ...so I said I'd grab lunch on the way home). Well, I THOUGHT about calling him to have him look in the book so I could get something other than my normal sandwich. Of course I know the points for the good old normal sandwich. Well, I didn't....I decided to go with a wrap...I mean, wouldn't you think a wrap would be better than a sub??? Came home...ate it up...and then checked the points. Yep....15 points! Oh yeah....I had a little 1 oz bag of cashews...for 4 points. I was still hungry after my 19 point lunch...so I had a 100 cal pack that was 2 points! Thus taking lunch to a whopping 21 points! Breakfast was oatmeal...3 points. So I have an earthshattering 2 points left for dinner! Wow....

So, that isn't bad enough. I tried to at least compensate for my stupidity error. So I started exercising.....about 45 minutes into it (thank heavens I at least got 45 min in) I actually fell off the step while doing step aerobics.....yeah, my foot isn't doing too good right now. It's not broken....and it's not swelling too badly...so hopefully it won't take long to heal! BUT, what's up with me and weird injuries. Last week it was a cyst that was all weird....the weekend was my shoulderblade (ok, the muscle)...now this?? I can't say that I've been exercising too much...because I've been doing very poorly with exercise lately! Arrgghhhh

A wow moment

I was writing an email to a friend and we were discussing a little pig out session that she had had in terms to eating..... I responded with.

"I'm not surprised about the mini-pig out session. Your stress levels...with crazy flako and with Kaid being sick they've got to be sky high! The good thing (ok, you know me....gotta find the good in something) is that you were able to look back and recognize what caused you to eat....you are looking at it objectivly and honestly. AND you didn't let it get you down! Knowing that.....when you start to boil mad over "flako" or start to worry more about Kaid (continue to worry I should say) then you can look at your experience with the eating and hopefully resist! I know for me, SOMETIMES it helps if I put into thoughts exactly how long...or how much...or at what intensity I would need to exercise to actually break even on something that I'm eating. Wow...that was just a light bulb for me. I was doign that in early fall....in my mind calculating every thing I ate into how much exercise would be required to cause it to wash out. I've been trying to figure out what in the world has been different. You see...until about Thanksgiving I was having pretty steady weight loss. After thanksgiving....it's been this seesaw weight loss/gain thing. I've said that I don't think it's a plateau...but something has altered....maybe that is. Because I know when I was playing that trick in my mind....I was better able to resist eating because I don't like to exercise....."

That was Truely a light bulb moment for me. Maybe that is what has changed! I am going to try to really think that way!

Meanwhile...I think the scales are starting to move downward again! Woo hooo

It'll be ok

Yes, it will be ok. I gained 2.2 pounds this week (actually over the last two weeks). Am I disappointed???? Highly. But, at least I expected it. I refuse to let it get me down though. I'm just going to redouble my efforts and get it off! I know I can do it!

Rough week

Didn't make it to my weigh in. Granny took a turn for th worse and we spent all of Tuesday at the hospital with her. I actually had all of my stuff to go to my weigh in....even though I knew that the scales would probably show me up a bit. Granny passed away at 5:20 and I would have had to leave the hospital and go almost right to my meeting. But, I thought it would be poor taste to drag Todd to my meeting less than an hour after his grandmother passed away. So we didn't do that. The biggest problem though this past week....Todd has been craving the comfort foods.....which means that I'm eating comfort foods. Eii yii yii. I counted points for all of the days....except for one...the actual day of the funeral. Up until that day I had only used 2 flex points so I'm not too worried. I've been good since then also.....

However, the scales are not being kind! It is showing me up about two pounds! ARRgGGHH

Then early this week my foot started bothering me again...the pea sized lump was back....joy joy. So i went to the doctor...it's nothing but a ganglion cyst. So I esaed up for another day and went back to exercising a day or so later. Within two days my shoulder blade muscle.....is killing me. As in brings tears to my eyes when I move. So I'm on the sidelines with exercise.......and it's ticking me off!!!

I plan on going to my tuesday meeting......and weigh in. I'm going to take my knocks and not worry about it. The weight WILL come off!

Preparing for my last February weigh in

We did make it to the gym. I had a pretty good workout...but I was TIRED TIRED TIRED when it was over. Yes, triple tired! I'm also seeing a remarkable difference in how my body is reacting to the work of shovelling and physical labor. In previous years, I'd (we'd...Todd was in the same boat as I) start shovelling...work for 15 -20 minutes and be exhausted...breathing hard...and have to go in the house for a break. This year is a totally different story. Yeah, after moving the heavy snow, my back is sore...but physically I'm not bee tired and exhausted. It is really neat to see how my body is more conditioned now. Kinda cool
I'm so disgusted...because without eating anything bad......and doing everything seemingly right (all my water...all my healthy foods....no cheating....exercise) I've gained 2 pounds this week! ARRGGGHHHH Yes, I know it will come off! I'm hoping at least one pound is gone tomorrow night for my official weigh in!
I'm actually hungry right now. I may head off to read in bed....I won't be as tempted to go to the kitchen and get something to eat if I'm in bed! It seems to work. I've actually got no points left for the day. I do however know what I did at the gym and I actually have 8 AP's that I earned today taht I could use. But honestly I think my wanting to eat is pure boredom. Actually I think it's simply because I'm sitting here and I know there is food out there! :-)

Tired

So, it seems that my weight has gone up this week....the day after my weigh in...and hasn't gone down! ARRGGHHH! We are talking about 2 pounds! This is so not good...I want to be in onederland soo bad! SOOO this morning, I decided that I was goign to workout twice today. I did a HARD step aerobics...for 45 minutes late this morning. Mid afternoon I went out and shovelled the 8 inches of snow for about an hour or so. Then after dinner I did a 30 minute moderate intensity workout. I'm sore....well, not really sore...but I can tell that physically my body is tired!

We'll see how tomorrow is on the scales! A girl can hope!

Weigh In Happiness

I went to my meeting. I am tickled pink to say that at the meeting I weighed in at 200.2 pounds! I soo want to be in onederland! The next day, my home scales showed me up! And I haven't gone down since! It is sooo darn disappointing! I want the scales to go down! I refuse to be upset about it...although I'm having to fight it! I think it's good for me to weigh in every day...but when something like this happens it is upsetting!

Thank you ICE!!!!!

OK, let me tell you, ice is pretty darn heavy to move! We got hit with the storm that ripped through a good part of the northeastern US. We were in the part that started with snow...and then after about 12 hours or so of snow...changed into an ice storm. I would have quite honestly preferred the snow for the whole time. My husband was sick with the flu...so I was stuck with all the clean up work by myself. It iced/sleeted/whatever for about 12 more hours after the snow. Joy joy. Well, after it was all over, I headed out to shovel. First of all, the ice had come down and effectively barred me from opening the screen door. (design flaw, let me tell you). I had to crawl out a window (it was either that or jump off the roof of the porch). I got out and commenced with the wonderful work of shovelling. 3-4 hours later, I was exhausted. I gave up and went back inside. (my cars were still not shovelled out at this point). I made plans to wake up early and go out and work in the morning.... Well, I did wake up early (for me...) and went out. Too late, the ice was even more solid!!! It was atrocious. I went back inside and waited for the lane to be plowed out...and then went back out and spent 2 more hours finishing up around the cars! I'm sooooo darn sore!!!

Well, the good news.....this morning I weighed myself (hey, I do it everyday) and I was down a good bit! (I didn't eat a ton yesterday and worked my ass off...). My loss puts me less than 2 pounds from onederland! I want it soooooooo bad! I weigh in at weight watchers on Tuesday nights...so if I can hold onto that loss...and maybe add a little more I may be able to squeek it out.....or at least be soooo close! SOooo thank you ice! Oh yeah, when I came in defeated this morning...I had worked myself up to shovelling in the am and getting a good workout...so I did a 35 minutes exercise dvd...and still went out later and did the 2 hours of shovelling. I know that it would have to be a HUGE weight loss to do it...but I want to give it my best shot!

Bad thing though...with Todd being sick, my meal plan has gone out the window...so it's requiring me to think a whole lot more about what I'm eating. I plan our meals a week in advance...and then I'm able to know my points that I'll need for dinner for each day...it helps.....but eii yiii yiii! OH well, I'll suceed anyway!

You know...yesterday I didn't drink my water...or all that I should have...in fact, my hands were swollen this morning (my rings were all too big...so I bought a cheap wedding band to wear...but it fits perfectly....as in when I retain water, the ring doesn't fit.....i'm not wearing the ring right now). And I still posted a big loss.....hmmmm NOPE NOPE NOPE....I'm not going to get my hopes up!!!! I'm just going to do the best that I possibly can!!!

Easier Said Than Done

Yes, I was totally serious and completely motivated when I wrote that last entry. I wish that I could say that I had followed it to the tee. I did exercise on Tuesday morning...and actually shovelled snow for a few hours today...working up a sweat while I did it! (I'm sore now) So I can honestly say that I've gotten in some exercise! However, I don't feel as if my eating is totally under control yet! I didn't eat much today...but my husband was sick...and that kinda puts a damper on eating in the house!

I know that I just need to keep plugging away. I ended up not going to my weight watcher meeting last night.....snow and inclement weather! I'm keep track of my weight here at home...I would have been up...by about a pound or two! I HAVE to get that off!

New Start

Ok...this is crazy...todays post is a new start..and that is the name of my blog. Oh well, it can't be helped. As I'm sure is easy to pick up in recent entries, but I've been doign a lot of introspection with regards to my diet and eating lifestyle. I've slowed down with the weight loss in the last few months....quite honestly since Thanksgiving. And that's not a bad thing...I've lost about 6-8 pounds in the last two months...which isn't anything to sneeze about. HOWEVER, I feel like I've worked the program and those results don't match with someone that is really working the program. SOOO, I've looked and I've discovered that I have become complacent with the program....I've become complacent with my workouts...often chosing the easy workout that I keep for those days where I am literally wiped out. The problem...I started doing that easy one EVERY DAY! I've decided to commit to renew myself and make a fresh start! I've been sitting on the fence! No more! I want this so badly....it is now a matter of mind over matter!

Stand Still

Yes, for the last month or so, I've been pretty much at a standstill. Yes, I've had weight loss...I've gone down about 8 pounds I guess since Thanksgiving. I guess that's not exactly a standstill. HOWEVER...for someone that has been following the program for 2.5 months...you'd expect more than 8 pounds! Well.....I admit that I've eaten some extra stuff. And it seems to be getting worse. My impulses are just going crazy! I've been struggling with exercise....quite honestly since we were on Vacation....THANKSGIVING! It's just been so hard to get into the routine. I make plans and say that "I'm gonna do it" Yet, the next day comes and I fail. Well, not technically. I have done DDR religiously recently...because doing any other exercise is like 'too much work'. That's not gonna cut it! I know it! And I feel guilty doing DDR.. I like to keep DDR for those days when I do want to move some...but I don't want a really heavy workout. Or the days that I just can't hack a really heavy workout! This shouldn't be everyday! I was falling back on the good old standby....ddr tonight. I did about 5 minutes or so and I just sat there and it hit me. If I never break out and force myself to do it...I never will get back in the routine of doing it! SOOOO I went and found tennis shoes (that is the beauty of DDR...bare feet....), put them on and there I was with my step out and I was doind step aerobics again. Yes, my legs were feeling heavy by the end of the program. But I feel good. I also did a good bit of thinking while I was goign through the various steps. I NEED to exercise religiously! I've proved that I can eat and maintain...within a few. HOWEVER for me to lose, I need to be exercising! I think it is for a combination of reasons. One...exercise is just..well a plain good fat burner! But secondly, for me I think when I am sweating my guts out...it makes it just a tad bit easier to say..."heck no, I'm not eating that extra bite....that would negate that hard work I just did...or that I will be doing!!"

Hopefully my revalation will make it easier for me to make this a good habit again...instead of one that I am just putting in the easiest time that I possibly can!

Stand Still

Yes, for the last month or so, I've been pretty much at a standstill. Yes, I've had weight loss...I've gone down about 8 pounds I guess since Thanksgiving. I guess that's not exactly a standstill. HOWEVER...for someone that has been following the program for 2.5 months...you'd expect more than 8 pounds! Well.....I admit that I've eaten some extra stuff. And it seems to be getting worse. My impulses are just going crazy! I've been struggling with exercise....quite honestly since we were on Vacation....THANKSGIVING! It's just been so hard to get into the routine. I make plans and say that "I'm gonna do it" Yet, the next day comes and I fail. Well, not technically. I have done DDR religiously recently...because doing any other exercise is like 'too much work'. That's not gonna cut it! I know it! And I feel guilty doing DDR.. I like to keep DDR for those days when I do want to move some...but I don't want a really heavy workout. Or the days that I just can't hack a really heavy workout! This shouldn't be everyday! I was falling back on the good old standby....ddr tonight. I did about 5 minutes or so and I just sat there and it hit me. If I never break out and force myself to do it...I never will get back in the routine of doing it! SOOOO I went and found tennis shoes (that is the beauty of DDR...bare feet....), put them on and there I was with my step out and I was doind step aerobics again. Yes, my legs were feeling heavy by the end of the program. But I feel good. I also did a good bit of thinking while I was goign through the various steps. I NEED to exercise religiously! I've proved that I can eat and maintain...within a few. HOWEVER for me to lose, I need to be exercising! I think it is for a combination of reasons. One...exercise is just..well a plain good fat burner! But secondly, for me I think when I am sweating my guts out...it makes it just a tad bit easier to say..."heck no, I'm not eating that extra bite....that would negate that hard work I just did...or that I will be doing!!"

Hopefully my revalation will make it easier for me to make this a good habit again...instead of one that I am just putting in the easiest time that I possibly can!

Weigh In!

Well, somehow I squeezed out a .6 loss this week! It wasn't looking good earlier this week! I wish it was more...but a loss is a loss! I have 3.8 pounds to hit 200 pounds! I sooo badly want to be in the one hundreds! I know I'll get there! Not getting there is not an option I'm willing to accept. So I know I'm gonna do it! The question is when!!

I have an interview for another job tomorrow after work. I hope it goes well..and that job is something that would work for us! It would be nice to have health insurance again! Not that Todd and I run to the doctor for every ache and pain. But I'm tired of living in fear that we are gonna need it and not have it! Thus far, we've had only small issues to attend to! (However I just had a prescription filled for this rash that was $100...generic!!! OUCH!) So overall it's been ok...we've actually spent less paying directly out of pocket than I would have spent if we had been paying for the premiums on the insurance...so it's worked out well for us thus far. However like I said, I'm just scared!

After weigh in is always my free meal...night. SO, I've eaten a nice heavy comfort foods meal! And like always, I enjoy it totally...and then promptly feel guilty for it!