The weekend has arrived

I should have known that if I didn't exercise yesterday morning that it wasn't gonna happen. I'm always beat on Saturday nights...after a full week of work. Especially yesterday.....we were slammed. For about two or three hours I barely had time to breathe. (Ok ok ok...that's when work is fun for me!) Todd and I went out to eat after work. I stayed on target with what I ate. Part of this is because I knew we were going to go out before I went to work and I was able to think about it and actually check on my calorie counter if it would fit into my daily plan. So I knew BEFORE I went what to order. But, when I got home....the house was hot and I just couldn't get the energy to go exercise!

Todd and I are talking about going to the gym today. We are also going to try to get a ride in on the exercise bike tomorrow! Getting re-motivated is so difficult!

Staying on Target

Well, yesterday I didn't exercise. I had every intention of riding my bike when I got home. BUt when I got home I wanted to clean the kitchen. So I decided to ride the exercise bike when I got done. Well, best laid intentions..... I didn't ride. I kept pushing it off because I was tired. Stupidly thinking I would do it later. However, when later came, I was more tired! I was planning on riding to work this morning but there is a chance of rain...arrggghhhh. And Todd and I are going out after work...which means I have to rely on getting myself on the exercise bike..LATE. I've got no choice. I need to make it no choice. I just have to do it...regardless!

Eating wise, I'm doing ok. Last night, I made chicken nuggets. (healthy version to boot) I also made Todd roasted potatoes. I did not eat even one slice of potato. I decided instead to have the healthy veggies in place of the potates. Today I've got a healthy meal planned for my lunch also! We'll see how it goes. It is so difficult to NOT eat when I am at work.....during the afternoon when the duldrums hit! It is plain and simple boredom eating that I struggle with at my job! (Course it isn't helped by the fact that I work around food...lol)

But, so far....so good.

Long time in coming

As has been shown in the recent, distantly spaced entries; I haven't been doing good. I KNEW what I needed to do, however my will power was totally gone. In doing that, I had no desire to write in this journal. In fact, this journal was something I didn't even think about! That's not good. It shows me how far from my plan I really was! Every once in a while I would think about losing weight...and I would wake up every morning with the good intentioned plan to 'do it', however as soon as something bad passed my lips (doughnuts, cake, etc etc etc) I gave up and made the vow that "tomorrow I would start".

A bad thing occured during this same slump. Summer came and with the garden (planting, weeding and harvesting....berries also) and my new job, it became much more difficult to go to the gym.

Thoughout that period of diet sluggishness I was maintaining my weight loss. That made me happy even throughout my disappointment in not losing more. We had a weigh in for the group of us that are trying to lose weight together. (However this group is not big on encouragement...basically we have a weigh in every few months......well, take that back...Suzy and I do a lot of encouragement) About a month ago we had our last weigh in. I weighed in at 221. I knew that this was very close to where I was about two months previously at that weigh in so I was happy. I didn't weigh myself for a few weeks. About a week and a half ago I weighed myself....I was up. I was up consistently for a few days. I also noted that I felt bloated and fat. It really scared me! SOOOOO This week, I've actually gotten off my butt. I've been on my bike every day this week. I've been watching what I eat. Within 3-4 days I have lost that bloated fat feeling...for the most part (as much as possible for someone that is overweight!) So I'm back on task. Now, to just stay there!

I have absolutely no will power. None at all. Yesterday I was at work and one of the girls that I work with mentioned that she was hungry for doughnuts. I jumped up, grabbed my money and was off to buy a dozen doughnuts. I couldn't just stop at eating one. I couldn't just stop at eating two. Three you may be asking. I WISH! I ate four doughnuts through the course of the day. I'm ashamed to write that, but four doughnuts. I simply forewent lunch....ate a doughnut instead. eii yii yii

Then I had leftover doughnuts that I brought home. This morning I was only going to eat one......oops two down the hatch before I could remember that.... "Oh yeah, I'm dieting". I threw the rest in the garbage before I could tally up the same number today as I did yesterday!

I've decided that my goal for this week....along with eating better (Stand away from the doughnuts), is to actually try to exercise each day. Even if it is just twenty minutes on the exercise bike. I'm actually thinking 20 minutes on the exercise bike each day....and then whatever other exercise comes up in the natural progression of the day!

Excuses

Pure and unadultered truth. I have had the best intentions to get back into the swing of things. HOWEVER, one case of food poisioning...and one sinus infection later pretty much sums up my last two weeks. Sounds like excuses...but they are the absolute truth.

Frustration

Ok, it's been a month. A LONG month of disappointment!I have not lost any weight and continue to flucuate at the same weight. I find this so utterly disappointing and discouraging! I just want to do this. I still haven't measured myself and was thinking this morning that I am goign to make sure that I get that done this weekend.

The past month has brought a lot of changes in my life. I quit my old job, a job where I sat on my butt for 10 hours a day, and spent an hour in the car a day. I got a job only 2 miles from my house at a local deli. I am on my feet for most of my day. The first few weeks were horrendous. While I found that I loved my new job, my legs just ached somethine fierce. Because of this, the biking kinda went by the wayside. Actually everything went by the wayside, I would come home and sit doing nothing. I am happy because I am almost through a work week and this is the first week that my legs haven't felt as if they weighed 10 tons! SOOOO, now I'm itching to get back on the bike and get back to the gym!

My grand plan for this job is to actually start to bike to work! It is only two miles and the road has a pretty wide shoulder to ride on. I haven't done it yet, but if my legs continue to fill good, I just may start soon!

So, in essence, this last month has been one frustration after another! The only good thing......that leaves lots of room for improvement!

Progress....sometimes is harder to find, but it is there!

I really need to measure myself...it's been probably a month and a half since I measured....poundage-wise...seem to be sitting still. :-( The doctor was actually pleased though today....I was 30 pounds lighter than when I was last there a while back.

Well, even though I haven't been seeing a great loss of weight, I did see a difference in SOMETHING this week. We have been working in the garden a lot this week. Previous years, I do something for 15 minutes and I was wiped out.......sore...tired, etc etc etc. Not this year. I noticed that my stamina is much better for active tasks. THe other thing....I've started riding my bike on HILLS.....I have been riding a lot on the canal in previous years...FLAT. I've started riding on the battlefield roads...VERY hilly! It KILLS me, and I am panting and gasping for breath when I get to the top of these hills...BUT the good thing. I recover within a minute or so.....last time I had tried to ride on the battlefield, I couldn't catch my breath...and we actually had to stop for about 15 minutes or so for my heart to stop racing. Now, I keep biking but still recover much faster!

I'm surprised that I'm not eating everything under the sun. Why, because I'm stressed out about my job. But so far today, I've been a pretty good girl. I ate wisely...leaving me enough calories to actually be able to eat dinner and not being able to only eat vegetables or risk going over my calorie count. I walked on my breaks today...so that equaled to an hour of walking. AND, they left me go early from work...and I went to the gym. I didn't do a complete LONG workout at the gym. I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and 15 minutes on the weights. BUT, it was a start...and oh boy, let me tell you. The weights whoopped up on me today! It's been a bit and I can really tell!

Today

Today so far I've done pretty good. I think once I am back in the routine of actually notating my foods I'll do better. I was looking at my book today and I would write my foods on one day...but the next day would 'forget'. So nothing consistent. Honestly, one day I "forgot" because I was eating poor choices! I can't do that anymore. I NEED to do this consistently!

I dread going back to work because I hate my job. But, on the other hand, going back to work will force me back into a routine. I plan on walking on my breaks again like I was doing before and of course want to continue to go to the gym!

Still Struggling

Ok.......more than a week later and I'm still struggling. When I first started this, I was gung ho and didn't have any problems starting. I'm still gung ho, however I'm really struggling with getting back on track. I will say that in the last few days, I've started to eat healthier again....even if it is not where I want to be calorie and fat content wise, at least it's healthier.

I have to just do this!

Starting Again

Well let me tell you. Once you fall off the bandwagon, it isn't easy to pick it back up. I'm determined to do it though! I said this yesterday morning and just didn't do it. In fact, I was craving potato chips...and I'm almost too ashamed to say it...but ate the whole bag. NO, not an individual serving size...the WHOLE BIG bag of chips. Man, did they ever taste good...but I can't do that! I know it was a mental war within myself. I knew I shouldn't be eating the chips...but I was battling inside my head, "just one more". I would eat that one more...and already, before I could even close the bag, my mind was saying "only a handful more". I was no match for this mental game! I caved......oh boy did I cave!

Today, I'm not doing soo bad. The only problem is that since I've been eating the bad things....my body is wanting those bad things. I rarely suffer from cravings....but boy oh boy I'm suffering now!

But, I've got to regain my control and start again. I didn't make my end of month goal...and in fact lost a little ground over the last week (well, maybe not, I'm still within that, 'it's ok it could be water retention weight range).

I just need to use this week as a lesson to help me in future times of difficulty!

bad week

This was a bad week for my diet. On one hand I'm actually tickled that my weight has remained in the same range. BUT, this was a very stressful week, Todd and I were getting ready to go on vacation and stopped by to say goodbye to his mom. We found her in bed, delirious. APparently, the cancer in her bones was not only eating the bones, but releasing all that calcium into her bloodstream...causing delirium. From research and from what Hospice said, I knew that this was going to lead to her death. We cancelled our vaction and we started spendign 20 hours out of the day over there. It was a rough week. When we did find time to eat, it was really bad food. We live in the country...restaurants are not plentiful so we ate where we could catch a bite. AND to make matters worse, even when we were at home, there was no food....remember we were leaving for vacation so we had no food at the house...ok we had food but the basics that you need to prepare that food was/is missing. So, eating bad and exhaustion was my week. I didn't drink my water like I should be doing. Last night was the first night I slept in my bed, she passed yesterday and I weighed myself this morning. I was sad to see 2 pounds up...but tickled because that could really be water retention or something......it could have been a lot worse! But what an interesting lesson to see what happens when things get bad in my life.

End of Month Goal

I set up small mini goals for the end of each month. I knew that some months I probably wouldn't reach the goal, but it is giving me something to strive for. So, for the month of March, I have my goal set. Well, I knew that we were leaving for vacation the evening of March 27th. I will not be weighing myself while I am away. (OK, I'll be weighing myself...but no official weight recorded as I will be utilizing different scales). So I knew in my head that I may not even know if I reached my goal. WELL...I'm happy because I am three pounds from the goal. I know that I have only really 3 days left at home....and that is near impossible to lose a pound a day but, I am happy that I am that close! :-)

Slowly

After sitting at a dead stand still with my weight, I am finally starting to see the weight drop. Ever so slowly, but it the weight is dropping! For the last like 4 days, I've been down. None of this hectic all over the scales weight going on!

Todd and I are leaving for vacation in a week. I am trying to make plans to be as active as possible. I don't want to stall my weight again! Realistically, I would like to come home from vacation, weigh myself and find that I have maintained my weight while I was out there. I am debating on if I want to try to go withoug weighing myself the whole time I am out there. My fear is, if I do that, I will come home and find I have gained weight...... HOWEVER, my GOAL is to actually lose while I am on vacation. Like I said, we are planning a more active vacation this year. We are planning on walking, and we are trying to get into a gym out there for the two weeks, and we are debating taking our bikes (depends on the weather forecast), etc etc etc.

I am so ready for vacation. Just to get away from it all and relax!

Waiting

Waiting. That is what I am doing. I'm trying not to be disappointed about the fact that I am sitting at the same weight! TRYING....but if I am honest with myself, I would admit that I'm getting disgusted. No, I am in no way quitting this. I am more determined then ever to see this to the end. I'm GOING to do it! I KNOW that if I continue on this path...watching carefully what I eat and working out at the pace that I am working out at...that the weight will eventually drop. The only bright light is that I AM seeing my clothes fitting better... and looser!

Great Workout

Well, first of all....got on the scales today and found that I was 1 pound heavier than yesterday. Now that can be water. So I'm not stressing. However, unless I do a massive drop like I did the other week, I'm not going to make my end of month goal. I'm not stressin' over it though. Slow and easy is the ONLY way to do this in order for it to be a 'life' altering experience. My goal of 2 pounds a week...is pretty bold...but managable...AND healthy! I'm still pretty much on target...even with having sat for the last few weeks without moving the scales!

OK....my workout! Yesterday we went to the gym. I started on the elliptical trainer. I was on it and even though I wasn't exactly lazing, I decided that I was going to push it up a notch. Every five minutes I reversed it for one minute before going back to foward. Reverse just about kills me...so this was pushing me. I felt VERY good when I got off the elliptical. I then went and did the weights...I pushed my weights up a notch....5-10 pounds more in some cases. Just enough to REALLY feel the burn! :-) So today we went back to the gym. I did the treadmill today......I pushed my speed up to the point where I could walk but just barely....and every five minutes I pushed it up to a point that it was either jog or fall off the back of the treadmill. My lungs were sucking in air for that minute before I pushed it back down. SO....I did like 8 total minutes jogging out of 45. May not seem like much....but it is monumental for me. I haven't run anywhere for YEARS!

Dissapointment

Well..... After my wonderful news from last week, yeah that big weight loss, my week turned sour in the diet department! The next day I woke up and jumped on the scales....excited! I didn't expect to lose anymore...but hey, I'm addicted to the scales. Low and behold, I was like right back where I was the two days previously. I swallowed deeply and waited for the next day......I was even five pounds heavier. I was now back to 15 pounds heavier than my wonderful day on Tuesday! I tried to not let myself get disappointed. After all, the monthly 'ick' was expected to arrive late in the week. It was a long week. I don't allow myself to weigh in more than once a day. Each day roughly the same.....hovering around 232-235. Then the ick arrived and it slowly has started to receed. This morning I was down to 228.

This is so hard for someone that really wants things to be done ten minutes ago. What a lesson in patience!

Meanwhile, within the last week or so I had a revelation. Why eat something that doesn't taste REALLY good? Wait and eat something that tastes spectacular! Why do I shove food down if it isn't the greatest? Todd and I were out, eating at a salad bar (HOss's). I was getting my salad (healthily I might add....salad dressing on the side...to dip and low on the cheese and other fatty substances). Well, I saw they had Mac and cheese.....yum. SoOOOOOO I decided to get just a half cup. I figured that would be roughly 200 calaries. A Lot, but I decided to make the adjustments and manage my food intake to allow for it. (Ok, that was a revalation in itself!) So, I get the mac and cheese back to the table and couldn't wait to dig into my 'treat'. I took one bite. Now don't get me wrong, the mac and cheese wasn't bad. However it wasn't GREAT. And suddenly I decided that it wasn't worth cutting other things out in order to have that mac and cheese. I would rather manage and cut corners in order to have something SPECTACULAR!

That combined with my revalation from a few years back....the concept of only eating what I am hungry for and ignoring those messages that my body is sending saying that I have to eat it all...because I may never get it again. I WILL eat the good stuff again.....and I learned that I enjoy it ever so much more if I don't shovel so much in!

BIG LOSS

OK, yesterday I got on the scales and was roughly 229-230. Today, I get on the scales I and my first weight was 219. YES, I about fell of the scales. I got off and jumped back on...sure that there was a mistake. It weighed me the same. Off....on...off on. It was dead on (ok, I don't have the most expensive scales.....but still not dollar store variety...paid about 60 for them...so actually it was like one time it was 220 the next time 219. Back and forth). Todd told me not to look a gift horse in the mouth. :-) I think it is due to the fact that I was stalled in February.....REALLY stalled. I was eating ultra healthy and exercising daily. The only thing that I had stopped doing was drinking my water. When I got sick I fell off the bandwagon and never jumped back on. Well about a week or so ago, I started drinking TONS again. The only thing I can think of is, my body is now used to and expects to get that 64 plus ounces of water so it is not retaining as much water. In essence, it's not afraid that it is going to dehydrate because I am giving it plenty of fluids. So all I can think of is that my body finished shucking that extra water weight! I went through all Feb. with no weight loss (well, i would lose it and then gain that pound back the next day). Then all of a sudden it dropped!

Wooo hooo!

Mistake

Today Todd and I went out to lunch. I was perusing the menu, looking for a healthy option. I decided on the vegetable platter. I was just starting to look at the options of veggies when the waitress came. Todd ordered and I was forced to make my decision right then and there. I ordered mashed potatoes (bad bad bad), pickled beets (good choice), a side salad (dressing on the side.....good choice), it came with a roll (looking not so good) and OUCH...I don't even want to say it.....mac and cheese. It was sooo yummy going down. BUT then I came home and did my calculations. I am watching calories. OUCH. I only had a bowl of special K this morning....with just a tad of milk (I don't like milk)....and when I added lunch....ouch, I have only like 200 calories for the rest of the day. I didn't realize this until about 2PM when I started to feel hungry (yep...). So I hurried over to calculate.....that way I could judge my snack. Hmmmm...not good. I guess a salad is my friend for dinner tonight!

Water Debate

Ok.....so my weight stalled. Is this teetering weight thing really my water retention or something bigger. I chanced on an article......don't ask me where, saying that if we are not getting our correct amount of water intake (that would be the 64 ounces) that we may be actually retaining more water. Kinda weird...drink more to retain less. I really need to check this out. I know before I got sick, I was drinking up a storm....and while I was sick I struggled with drinking. After my bout with the flu, I continued to struggle with drinking the proper amounts of water. Worth checking out...or at least trying!

Meanwhile, I don't think I am going to make my target of 229 pounds by the end of February. I'm not upset....disappointed maybe. But all is not lost. I'm only a few pounds off that target.....and I am still on target for my big goal....those few pounds that I am off (like 3-5 pounds off) only take my 'need to lose each week' from 1.99 pounds to 2.04 NOT bad! PLUS...this month aint over yet! I plan on using those three days to my advantage!