On success building upon another

Isn't it crazy how it works.  Starting something is sometimes the hardest part.  (or restarting after a failed attempt...or after a slight speed bump).  However each progressive SUCCESSFUL day after that start day really does get easier?  Why is that?  Because success builds upon itself. 

The first step to having this success build upon itself is to be totally committed to restarting.  Have a plan...and I'm a firm believer in having a DIFFERENT plan in place than the old standby that has failed you time and time again.  (the difference for me this time is planning my food the day before I eat it...print it out and stick with it).   From there just START.   But each day that is successful makes me stronger.  It makes me feel like, "I CAN do this!"

I was talking to a friend at zumba last night.  I had actually met her at a weight watcher meeting.  She also quit about the same time I stopped going to meetings and has subsequentially gained.  She just started this past week. She talked about swallowing her pride and going back.  Yes, that is it.  But I encouraged her to look FORWARD.  Don't focus on the fact that she is relosing.  She is LOSING weight.  The other thing we talked about was the I CAN attitude.  No questions about it.  We CAN lose the weight.  WE CAN conquer this.  It will be a life long journey but we CAN do it.  It's a mental place we have to be in.  It's the I CAN mental place!.    I know that I may never have a flat stomach.....I may always have saggy skin.  I may always have a little 'jelly roll' around my waist.  But you know what?   I'd rather have one little itty bitty jelly roll than a whole dozen of big fat jelly rolls!  

Yes, day three was a success.  2 hours of exercise...eating right on target!  All was good!  Day 4 starting out ok.  My food is planned and I should be ok!  :-)   No exercise today but that's ok!  I've already exercised 4 hours since Monday!  :-)

day three

Day one and two are in the books.  Day three is crusing along quite nicely.  I was a little worried when a co-worker brought cupcakes in...but I looked at my points (and what I had left for the day) and I pondered...and i had a small cupcake.  I actually did HAVE the points/food allowance in my food budge.  I am still actually under budget!  WOO HOO.   So I had a little cupcake and I'm done.   Today really is crusing along.  I made it to the gym this morning before work.   20 minutes on the eliptical.  40 minutes on the exercise bike (very important).  I will be attending zumba after work.  So 120 minutes of exercise today....and keeping my eating under control...that's a fabulous day.

How am I managing my food?   I am sitting at work and planning out my eating for the NEXT day.  I print up the page with my eating plan and I post it on the fridge door.  So this morning when I woke up to make breakfast I was able to look at the paper and know exactly what to make.  Exactly what I could eat....everything.  I also already knew exactly what to put into my lunchbox for my work lunch.  It's all there.  If it's on the page, I eat....if it's not...I don't!    So tomorrow is already planned and printed!   Will things change and skew my pages.  Yes, absolutely.  I fully expect that to happen.  But I can go with the flow....work it in.  Manage!  :-)

I'm trying to get back into riding shape.  After much careful consideration Todd and I registered for Pedal to Preserve.  We have 3 weeks. We haven't been on our bikes much....time, todd's oral surgery, my cold....etc etc etc has kept us away.  We are not even sure that this ride will happen for us...we'll see.

Restart

How many restarts can a person have before it's too many?   I sometimes sit here and wonder how many freakin' times I'm going to have to say "back on track", "restarted", "a new day".  I've said it over and over these last few years.  And over and over I fail.  Over and over I start again.  Over and over I write about it. 

So my answer to my question?  There is never too many times to restart!  Keep doing it until it happens. 

Yes, I restarted on Monday.  I kept my eating wtihin my weight watchers food budget.  (Ok, I went a few points over yesterday...but we do have weekly points...AND activity points).  Today I've got my day planned and I should be peachy ok.  Yesterday I did zumba for an hour...and planning another hour of it tonight.   So I'm working it.  1 successful day down.  A second successful day is in the works.  Two days doesn't win the war....but two days is a start.  And i know that each day I'll be stronger in my position.  Stronger as I make the healthy choices.  Stronger as  I make the positive exercise choices.  Stronger all together. 

I've been able to hold msyelf steady with my eating this week.  I'm not seeing any mad results on the scales. In fact the scales haven't budged since I guess Saturday or Sunday. But you know what. I've been active.  (very active....gardening galore and zumba!) and I've not binged on the unhealthy foods.  So I consider that a success...even if the scales are not being friendly at this time! 

Yes, I've spent a lot of time gardening.  I sometimes giggle.  Our garden has more square feet than our house!  haa haa haa.  We have a HUGE garden.  (my strawberry beds have over 100 plants...and we are seriously contemplating clearing the land and doubling that....I eat a LOT of strawberries....I LOVE strawberries!)   So you can see we plant a LOT of what we plant.  Let me rephrase that.  The foods that we eat a LOT of...we plant a LOT.  Green beans anyone?   I'll be canning bushels upon bushels of green beans.  I eat them almost every day.  :-)   Peas?   Well, we eat a lot of peas too.  Tomatoes...well you need a lot of those because I make my own tomato sauce...not to mention canned tomatoes for things like chili and such.  And yes, i try to preserve enough so that we don't have to buy these staples from the store.  Home preserved foods are SOOO much tastier.  Soooo yes, our garden is a big deal!  over the weekend I spent probably more than 15 hours out there with the tiller, the shovel, a rake, packets of seeds, flats of plants, compost, water hose and a big jug of water.  :-) (the water jug was for me!)   Love to see the garden take shape.  :-)    

But do you know what I'm just ACHING to eat.  What the focus of my taste buds have?   Zucchini!  I want some breaded and baked zucchini .  I can taste it!  I can smell it.  I'm just DYING for it!  Yes, I could probably go out and buy a zucchini at the store.  But woudl it be the same thing?  Would it taste the same? 

Probably not!  Plus, in a few months I'll be begging someone to take some zucchini off my hands (what possessed me to plant 12 zucchini plants I don't know......haa haa haa.  I do make my sweet pickle relish from zucchini, and I do zucchini bread and butter pickles which I think taste the same if not better than the ones I make with cucumbers....we will eat zucchini with every meal..HOPEFULLY!)

Grow zucchini grow!!!

Last weeks rough start

Well, as aforementioned, last week started out BADLY.  Donuts, pizza and ice cream...Oh my!    But somehow, someway, I pulled it out of the fire.  I showed a 1.5 pound loss for this week.  Go figure.  

I'm gearing back up to add the exercise back in.  Zumba restarts tonight.  And I just spent the weekend working outside...HARD manual labor. (i'm so stinkin' sore today).

AND i'm working the eating. I'm not slipping.  I packed a salad for lunch...and fruit.  :-)  I'm on track and I'm going to STAY THAT WAY!!!!

where did my self control go

This week has been horrible.  I have had grand plans everyday to be totally perfect with my eating.  But then something happens and it all goes to pot.  I guess my first problem is expecting and planning for perfection.  Life is NOT perfect.  Life this week came in the guise of donuts being brought to us by customers...not once...but TWICE.   Yeah, I indulged.  Life this week came in the guise of a mandatory training after work in which they provided us with pizza and cookies and only provided regular soda and nothing diet.  Yeah, I indulged. Life this week came with evenings at home alone where I just ate without conscience thought.    Life this week came with every morning my husband asking for breakfast foods such as pancakes, waffles, two breakfasts out.  I had grand plans but I just failed.  Life. 

So life today is starting out differently.  I woke up and was so tempted to not pack my lunch and join my co-workers on our weekly Friday order out food for lunch fun.  I didn't though. I packed my lunch.  A nice healthy lunch of summer salad  and fruit.    I got to the parking lot and was sitting waiting for my co-worker to come inside.  I was playing around on my cell phone and talking to a friend (also a customer where I work) and she heard taht I was woring early and she offered to go pick up donuts for us.  Ohhh I was so tempted. I could taste the warm (yeah, they would still be warm most likely) glaze on my tongue.  But I gathered my self control and regretfully declined the offer.  Yay me.

May begins and it's gonna be a strong one

What takes forever to get off comes back with a vengeance very quickly!   Yes, all the work that I did the first three weeks of April were undone the last week of April.  I'm disgusted with myself.  But lesson learned.  OK, I'm a slow learner so maybe not.  But I'm determined to hit May hard...the WHOLE month!   Working it for 3/4 of the month is not enough.  AT ALL.  

I can come up with the excuses.....Todd's surgery and his recovery (lots of ice cream consumed...and of course I'm a social eater)  But no excuses.....it was me.  I'm totally the one that is responsible for this state of affairs.  No ifs ands or buts...it's all me.

Yes, I have to accept responsibility.  Until I accept responsibility for my actions, there is no way that I can move forward.  I don't have to be HAPPY with my actions and the consequences...but I accept them.

So moving forward what is the plan?   Healthy eating, healthy eating, healthy eating.  Ohhh and tracking every bite.  I didn't start out as 'grandly' as I wanted to this morning.  Todd and I hit up the Waffle House...uhhh that's a lot of points for an egg sandwich and hash browns.   And while I may be a few points over today because of that...I'm doing my best to minimize the damage (lots of fruits and veggies for lunch and dinner...luckily I made my summer salad last night so I've got a nice healthy option).  If the weather holds maybe a quick run  OK jog/walk combo!   If not, I'm not going to stress it because I'm gearing up.

Ohhh and biggest of all?   May will be a month where I don't fall flat on my face for a week!

Thoughts on exercise

Ok, the scales were NOT kind to me this morning.  I only hope that it's water retention (yeah, without going into it....very possible that it could be some water retention....blech blech blech....time will tell).  I want to scream...but I'm not going to.  I'm going to focus this weekend on getting back into a workout routine.  I haven't worked out in almost 2 weeks. Yeah......really! 

I have this weird phenominan that when I'm working out I eat better.  Does this happen to anyone else?  I think it's because when I'm working out I start to think about what Im eating more. I tend to believe it's because I dread the exercise so I don't want to 'undo' my good work.  haa haa haa.  Isn't that lame?

As for dreading exercise. I HATE and dread the buildup to exercising.  But I'll admit that once I start it's usually not that bad....but the after feel is wonderful. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the feeling that courses through my body after exercise. SO one one think that I would be gung ho to go out and exercise.  But each and every time I go to exercise I somewhat dread it.  Go figure.  You'd think I would figure this out and actually start to look forward to the exercise...but no...apparently I'm not that smart!

Wanna know what really blows????

Do you ever just have a day where you are devoid of all words?  Lacking anything to say? I'm having one of those.  I just sat here with my head flopped forward, my forehead pressed against my hands (holding my head up) and literally nothing came to mind.  I have nothing to say about weight loss.  Well, I do have SOMETHING to say about weight loss........ IT SUCKS.  It sucks to have to think about food all the time. It sucks to have a piece of brownie (yes, I only had one piece last night) for a treat at night and then worry about the affects that it will have.  To feel guilty for one brownie. (ohhhh it was a good one though.....gooey and chocolaty!).  It really blows to have to think about my food choices constantly.  To gather up my will power (or try to) with every bite I eat.  Honestly, it just sucks!  Everything about it sucks sucks sucks.

You know what sucks worse though?????   Being fat.  So as much as it sucks to fight and battle to lose weight....I will because fat is worse.

************

Random thoughts for the day that were floating through my mind during my head in hands no thoughts time earlier.....

*there is a weird odor in my house...not sure what it is.....I've looked and can't find anything....how do you trace a weird odor. It's not a foul odor...it's just weird. 

*bad storm last night....I've heard predictions that this year will be a bad year for storms

*I'm starting to look at some ideas and opportunities to make money...even if it's only a few bucks here and there......crafts, piano lessons (practicing to get myself up to snuff with my playing), possibly another idea that I'm not up for sharing quite yet.

*I've been focusing on a new venture with Echoes...researching and such ....that Todd and I are expanding into with the business.  Echotone Records.  A new record label.   OUR record label.  We have a possibility for a GREAT band to sign with us....and this band was actually number one on their charts last year.....so with them in negotiations with us to get signed with us...we are kicking into overdrive to get our record label up and running.

*Trying to fight the dull drums that threaten me.  I still really  miss Chris.....I can't believe it's been a month (actually a month and a week) since he passed away.   My problems still seem insurmountable and I sometimes wonder why I should even try.   I'm still really worried about a lot of things....and it threatens me daily...but I"m trying ...I'll keep fighting.

highs and lows

This journey has been one of incredible highs but some pretty low lows.  I've felt totally on top of the word. On top of life  In control and just good.  But then when things go downhill, it goes LOW.    The problem is...when the lows come it is so easy to feel defeated by everything.  It's so easy to let the lows influence how we feel and how we act and sadly enough that perpetuates itself into a vicious cycle of negative outcomes. 

It's a sheer act of willpower to break that cycle once it starts.  It's difficult because I want to sit there and scream my fury over having regained the weight (thank heavens not all of it...not even half of it).  I did it to myself, I know that, but it drives  me to a low.  And in that low I want to self medicate with food.  I want to throw my hands up in the air and say "I don't give a flying fig about this....I just want to live my life without having to consciously think about food."   But I know that doing that will only increase the low.  I HAVE to care...because caring brings about the highs that I so crave.

stranglehold, dread and other non-connected thoughts

Why does food have such a hold on me?   I start thinking about the next meal mere seconds after the latest meal is finished.  It's nuts.  I have off tomorrow afternoon and I've already talked to Todd about what/it/where/when we will go out to eat for lunch or dinner.  That's just sad.  Why does it have such a hold on me.  Food has a stranglehold on me.  It controls everything I do. I need to break that stranglehold.  How do break that hold is the question.  How do you break the patterns and thoughts that have defined who you are for so many years?   we live in a society that actually encourages that thought.  We are rewarded with food.  We are thanked with food.  We are consoled with food.  It's the way our society is.  So how can one break from this stranglehold????

I woke up with an incredible sense of dread this morning.  I have no clue what I'm expecting to happen or what is up.  Some people said "you are probably just dreading going to work because yesterday was so slow and boring"  but it's not that kinda dread.  That kinda dread is a annoying nuisance.  This is just all consuming ready to cry and waiting for the shoe to drop dread.  Not cool.   I'm just sufficiently worried because of this weird feeling.

Food yesterday.....OVER by about 8 points. It was the banana split flurry (blizzard...but not at dairy queen) that did it. I thought last week was bad because I was just kinda snacking all week.....this week may be worse because Todd is able to eat and WANTS to eat....and heck, I'm a social eater! I have my food entered into e-tools for today though. It's a bit high on carbs...but I'm within my points. (Todd wanted waffles for breakfast so I made homemade waffles....I am having a salad for lunch with grilled chicken on it....and dinner is spaghetti) notice the theme of foods for Todd has to be softer...nothing that is crunchy or has to be chewed a lot. LOL

Fear

I managed to make it through this last week with a 1.2 pounds gone.   It was rough.  I tend to graze constantly and just eat eat eat when I'm not on a routine.  So I was OK with the 1.2 pounds. 

"You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith"   -Mary Manin Morrissey
                     and
"He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life" -Ralph Waldo Emerson

How utterly true are both of those quotes!  Something happened in the last 5-10 years and I stopped being the confident woman that everyone always knew.  I started to allow fear to reign supreme in my life.  I have been afraid to try new things.  To do new things.  To BE.    It starts out slow.  Just a tentativeness about anything outside of your comfort zone but then it grows to a paralyzing fear.   Soon it encompasses your life and yes, it does start to block your dreams, your hopes and your ideas.

I allowed fear of the unknown to hinder my weight loss efforts.  I have allowed fear or failing keep me from REALLY trying.   But you know what...the fears that kept me grounded have actually CAUSED me to fail...because by not doing, I failed anyway.

Running  a 5k is a big one.  I'm not honestly sure that my knees and feet will hold out.  I'm hoping that they will.  But I'm going to admit right here and now that the idea of going ....registering......waiting in line and figuring out what I need to do by myself....and running the stupid thing by myself.  FREAKS ME OUT.  SCARES THE LIVING DOO DOO out of me!  (Yes, I've allowed my fears to turn me into a snivelling cowering person!)  I've mentioned this goal and plan to some other people and they seem to have jumped on board.....some more than others.   And that is comforting that I may not be alone while I do this.  But you know what?  If my knees and feet hold out....this is something that I have to do ....I have to face my fear.  I have to do it!  I was scared about my first bike ride two years ago and it turned into a WONDERFUL experience!

What other fears should I smash?    What other fears need to be annihilated in our lives!

Anchors

Weight loss and maintenance is NOT something that is completed and never thought about again.  I am a food addict.  For that reason I know that I will struggle with maintaining for the  rest of my life.  Will it be easy?  Hopefully I  can change my habits and routine enough that my lifestyle fosters a good healthy weight.  Do I want to have to track my food for the rest of my life?  No....but will I have to?   Honestly, I may have to....at least 75% of the time....or even 50% of the time.  I don't know.

What I DO know is that tracking my food.  Keeping a food journal of my 'good eats' is tantamount to my success.  There are so many reasons for me.
     *it keeps me honest.  We all know that if I don't have to write it then it doesn't really count...right???
     *it is a good check to let me know what I'm eating that is good and what is bad
     *It keeps me in line
     *it is my anchor.  I put my food in and it anchors me to this process

Yes, it is my weight loss anchor.  Kinda crazy, but It steadies me.  It keeps me grounded and focused on what I need to be doing.  Without that anchor I tend to drift away.   I may still try to drift (those days when my weight watchers point expenditure is way way way over budget)....but the process of accountability to my food journal anchors me and doesn't let me drift far.

So what other anchors do I have?

For me, it's a mental thing.  I have visions of myself back at my goal weight.  I have visions of myself that happy confident person.  That anchors me to this process.  Because I know that what I'm doing right now to lose the weight, will help bring that person back.  And yes, that person is lost.  Will the weight loss solve all of my woes?   Absolutely not.  I dont' expect the weight loss to do that.....this time.   When I originally lost the weight, I expected life to be peachy, rosy and just grand.  After all, it was my weight that was holding me back in EVERYTHING.  And yes, my weight was holding me back a lot.....but there were bigger issues that I have had to face.  I'm facing them.  I don't know how they will be resolved...but I'm trying to face them because I know that once again being thin will NOT take them away.  Lesson learned.

Sick and Tired

Today marks the 1 month anniversary of Chris' death.  I miss my friend....I still find myself wanting to text him or hang out with him.  But I'm moving on...accepting life as it is, which is what he would have wanted everyone that knew him to do.   Wait, not only accepting life...but embracing life.  Embracing what life throws at me.    It's difficult becuase I dont' want to embrace the crappiness that seems to have been hurled my way recently.  But I'm trying.

I've been fighting off a sinus issue/cold since Friday.  I decided to push myself last night and I went to zumba.  It was incredibly difficult to make it through the hour...but I pushed through and did it.  I'm not sure I can make it tonight.  The cold has taken a turn for the worse and I just feel 100% run down.  The dry hacking cough is there, chest tightness, sore throat....just generally icky.

As much as I want to go, I have to tell myself that I am trying to lose weight and exercise in order for me to be healthier.  Pushing myself when i'm not well is not a healthy maneuver.

Back to work

My long weekend has come and gone.  BOOOOO    On Friday I got my first bike ride of the season in.  It was blustery and cool.  I was comfortable in what I wore, but Todd was a bit on the chilly side (he wore shorts...lol).  We had a nice lunch out and then went home and worked outside in the yard all afternoon.  And that is where it started to go downhill.  It started with a sore throat and progressively got worse.  So that was it for my planned weekend of high activity levels.  In fact, today....Tuesday will be my first day back to exercise..and I'm actually a bit leery about it because I'm still hoarse, still coughing but the chest congestion is not breaking......etc etc etc.  Go figure.   But you know what....my body demanded the rest.  I had no say in the matter.

My weight for the week......I lost 3/10ths of a pound.  I'll take it!!!!  A loss is a loss.  Anything other than a gain is a good thing.  :-)

I know that my rampant stress and the resulting emotions are hindering my weight loss. I know that in the past for me to lose weight I really did have to have my mind in the right place.  I WANT my mind to be there but I know that it's not.  If that makes any sense.  My mind instead jumps from thought to thought from issue to issue .  Some of the thoughts are about things I can't change....missing my friend. Other thoughts are about things that I need to do in my life....things I need to do....things I need to get straight, worries that I have, etc.   And my focus is taken away from the weight loss. 

Sometimes I feel as if I have way too much going on....that one day I'm just going to pop into a million smithereens, unable to handle the pressure anymore.

A day of rest

Yesterday I hit up my first bike ride of the season.  My right knee (arthritis) was KILLING me.  Horrible.  I pushed through it thought.  We went slow, it was windy and Todd hasn't exercised at all in ages.  But all in all it was a good ride. 

Last night though things started to really bother me.  My 'bone'  in  my foot.  Not quite my ankle...below it.  Can't explain it, but it's given me grief for YEARS upon years!   It acts up and I baby it for a while and then it gets better.  So that is giving me grief right now. 

SOOOOOOOOOO....even though I really wanted to go to a zumba class this morning, I'm passing. Taking a day of rest.  :-)  Besides (not that this has ANYTHING to do with exercise) the last few weeks I've been exhausted.  Struggle to wake up .....falling asleep early.   Just tired!  So a day of rest from exercise won't hurt that either.

So my weight.  I'm up 2 pounds.  Can't figure that one out.  I've been really good this week too!   Not gonna let it get me down...gonna plug along.  Watching carefully and do what I KNOW are the right things to do....and I know that eventually my weight will start to drop!

Pride and small victories

Victories, no matter how small and seemingly inconsequential are still victories.  They are still cause to celebrate and to cheer for each victory for each one is hard fought...and each one is one step closer to winning the long term prize.

Last night I went to zumba.  I went to the early session.  And I did the 1 hour of the early session and voila' I stayed for the second session and did a SECOND one hour session.  It really is just mind over matter.  During a normal hour, your mind knows that it's about done and I find that it sorta lets down it's guard.  I finished the first hour and I knew that it wasn't going to be ending so my guard was NOT lowered and I just plugged right through hour two.  Was I sore?   Heck yeah, we are doing lots of squats and lunges......a new song that is ALL squats and lunges on top of the other songs that incorporate them in.  One session of zumba has those muscles just screaming.  But two?  Ohh yeah, I finished but I was feeling it.  Good fun.  :-)

This morning, I woke up a bit stiff, but determined to push through and get my training jog in.  I planned to run my new route which I think will be pretty close to 3 miles.....I started out...jogged my legs were heavy but I pushed through. My knees hurt, but I knew it was because of the changing weather on my arthritis, so I pushed through.  My feet were a bit sore, but I pushed onward.  About a mile in I knew that my body was just not up to par.....I was beat.  My legs were heavier than heavy.  I knew that pushing myself further was not going to make anything better and it was NOT going to help me in the long run.  So I walked the rest of the way...and went straight back to the car....just about 1.5 miles total for the day...more than half jogging.   SO here I am at work a few hours later, wearing a foot brace.  (yeah, the foot is achy!)...but otherwise, feeling OK.  Better to be OK rather than so beat that I can't do anything tomorrow.

Tomorrow, both Todd and I are off and I hope to get out on our bikes and ride!  WOOO HOOOO

So my victory.  I was getting ready to eat lunch. Didn't know what I wanted....so while I decided pulled out the pretzels and nutella (that stuff is crack in chocolate/hazelnut form).  I ate a few and put it back.  Yes I knew that I wanted more, but I held myself to a small amount. (victory number 1).  I decided to pull a Lean Cuisine out of the freezer.  The Spring Rolls, a relatively new item that they sell I think...VERY good.  There are 2 servings in the box...and I pulled them both out. I was hungry!   I opened the one package and put it on the plate ready to microwave and started the second one...and I was like "NO".  If I really want it after I'm done eating I know that I can ALWAYS microwave the second one, because each one is only 5 points.....so 10 points is actually not bad.  But I held off and just fixed ONE serving.  (Victory number 2).    While I was eating my one serving of spring rolls, I got online and put my food into the tracker to calculate my points.  (victory number 3...not waiting until it was too late).  I put in my meal that I have planned for the evening and my breakfast and what I'd already eaten for lunch.  Plenty of points left over.  8 in fact.  YIPPEE  I could have the other serving of spring rolls.  I mean, that's awesome right.....until I realized that I was a bit shy on the fruits and veggies. SO I pulled out the leftover pears from dinner last night and had that.....AND had some corn.  Yeah, I used a fair amount of points on the corn, but hey, I like corn...and it is after all a vegetable!    I chose healthy....versus the easy and tempting spring rolls!  (victory number 4).   The additional fruit and veggies filled me up and I was quite satisfied.

You know what?  The sense of pride in beating this food addiction...even in this little small way is phenomenal!  I want to feel it more often!!!!

zumba

Stepped onto the scales this morning and holy cow!  My weight is almost back to where it was a week and a half ago.  What's up with that??????   I did eat dinner late....and I had popcorn after dinner...so sodium city.  Who knows.  I'm not going to let it derail me.  I'm going to truck on with what I'm doing and not let it get to me.  Eat right, follow the plan and exercise my freakin' butt off (literally.....haa haa haa).

Made it to zumba last night.  It kicked my butt.  My knees were hurting and I just felt sluggish.  I think the knees are because of the rapidly changing weather and the RAIN.  Both of those things are murder on the old arthritic knees.  So what did I do in regards to zumba?  I kept on and didn' let my knee pain stop me.  Was I careful with some of my movements?  Of course!  Did I let it derail me?  NO NO NO!

I'm really seriously contemplating doing a double tonight at zumba. A double meaning back to back classes.....2 straight hours of cardio.  Doesn't that sound fun????

Curb the Carbs

I am still super detemined to make this next 6 months the turning point, the fix it time.  I don't know if I'll be able to enact enough change to pull everything out and to turn things around, but golly gee, I certainly want to try!

I lost 2.5 pounds last week.  I'm struggling thus far this week.  I'm relatively ok with my actual 'budget' (calories/points whatever you want to call my tracking system).  Yesterday I thought I was going to be over with my points, but I was just perfect.  Today, i'll be 4-5 points over.  My problem?   Lots and lots of carbs.  I need to curb the carbs.  I know that it's the 'comfort food' quest.  I've been down...really down and with that comes the desire to eat things that make me feel good...makes me feel better. Food is my friend. What can I say.  I'm trying to combate it though.  Overcome.

I have two pretty large goals and motivational things coming up this year.  The first of course is running a 5K and not being hte last one (in my age bracket) across the finish line.  I've tenatively set the July 4th run (in Williamsport, MD...The Freedom Run) as my projected 5K date.  So I'm working on training for that.  I'm slow as molasses right now, but I have almost three months to better myself. 

The other big one?   Todd and I have a vacation in August.  We plan on doing a through bike trip on the canal.  That is 184 miles in 3 days.  We've done 40-45 miles in one day before...that would be our biggest rides, and when we did those ride, we weren't wiped out and dead the next day either.  So it's just a thing of getting back to that point.  I always said that if I did a through trip that I would want to stay in hotels each night...but for some crazy reason...I've agreed to camp the two nights on the canal.  Ohhh joy!   The tenative plan is to go to Cumberland one day.(heres hoping my parents will drive us up...in our car if they so desire)..stay overnight in cumberland (at a hotel) and then leave early to head down the towpath.  Two nights at hiker bikers....arrive in Georgetown and stay overnight down there...and be picked up down there the next day.  :-) (once again, at the mercy of someone picking us up...although we have talked about back up plans to get there and back) So that is a huge thing...and to do so, I've got to get on my bike and RIDE!

Saturday

Disappointed...my weight was down about 3 pounds but then popped back up two pounds.  I'm still on the good side of where I was last Sunday, so I"m not too upset, but it is just disappointing.  I'm working my butt off and it's going so slow.  The weight just dropped off the last time.  ARRGGHHH

I have already been out jogging this morning.  I only went 1.5 miles (roughly)  becuase number one, even though my time doesn't show it, I jogged it (my jog is VERY SLOW) the whole time.....and secondly because I plan on going to zumba in about an hour.  Yeah, an hour of intense cardio.  WOOO HOOO.  :-)

I know that if I continue to workout like I have this week that the weight WILL come off.  I was looking in the mirror and while I don't know that a week is enough time to SEE a differnce, It seemed as if my body is already changing.  Just my first thought.  Who knows.....and I'm not going to spend too much time pondering it.  haa haa haa

Todd and I have some time off together next weekend.  We were originally talking about doing this and that.....lots of driving lots of sitting and lots of eating (and spending money).  We have instead decided to try to do more active things.  Bike rides on the western part of the canal and maybe on the eastern part also.  I've got to return to a more active lifestyle.  I know that activity is key to losing weight and KEEPING IT OFF!   I can do it!!!!!