Miraculous: weigh in results

Ahhhh weeekend, where have you gone???    It was another fast and furious weekend.   And add in the holiday and it was even more crazy!! 

We started out our Saturday with the normal bi-weekly groceries.  That entails three stores.  We start at Aldi’s and scan the aisle for anything we can get there (sticking with only organic products).  We then move on to the organic market.  And last but not least we finish up at a regular store to pick up anything that we couldn’t find at the other places (usually the non organic stuff...).   When we got home I put everything away and made a batch of potato salad and deviled eggs.   I rested a few minutes and then we headed out for a hike!

We had plans to pick up a geocache...down a very remote hiking trail. (Only 3 or 4 miles out).  I have tried to grab this cache a few times.  Last summer it was so overgrown and there were trees down over the path and we couldn’t get through the brush to go around the debris.  Earlier this year the path was flooded and we just didn’t want to get muddy.  That was last weekend also...just really muddy.   This weekend however I made the vow ‘we are just going to be muddy...accept it’.   The geocache trip would be coupled with hunting for morel mushrooms (yup we hunted all last weekend and the hunt was back on this weekend!)   It was muddy....very muddy!  At one point my foot was stuck in what felt like quick sand.  Now I wear a backpackers hiking boot (recommend it for anyone with weak ankles and feet problems).  The mud and mire was so deep that I was literally about 1-3 centimeters from having my hiking BOOT swamped by the mud!  My boots are encased in mud the whole way to the very top of the boot...well over my ankle!   It was fun though to be out!!!

So did we get the geocache?   NO!!!   We managed to cross the first stream by detouring a mile downstream to find a suitable place to cross. (It has rained last week and the water was too deep to cross...We have waterproof boots but seriously that only works if the level of the water does not come over the top of the boot!). The second stream...we couldn’t find a place to cross that wasn’t two feet or more deep!!   No go.... yet again!!

Morel mushrooms?   We looked and looked and looked.  After about 3 hours we were done...and we were hightailing it back to the car.  We stopped at one place.  We had on the way in seen a dog leash and picked it up and put it to the side of the trail and vowed to pick it up and carry it out.  We stopped to pick up the leash.  Seriously, we were DONE!   Right next to wear we had placed the dog leash was a mushroom!   Victory!  So of course we spent about a half hour or so in that location hunting!

We were wiped out!   We slept so well Saturday night.   Sunday I woke up and my back was so messed up!  I could barely move.  (I have had issues with my lower back before...to the point that I couldn’t move and had to take time off work..). It was bad.  But I rested it and stumbled around the house.   We had family functions to attend though so we got up and out of the house by 10...we did some more walking and checked out some ‘not so remote’ areas for some more mushrooms (yup, finding them only made jason want to find more!).  Then we spent the rest of the day with family and didn’t get home until about 7pm.  We relaxed a bit and then headed to bed ...ready but not ready to face another work week!

I have two main goals this week.  They are to not allow any work stress to drive  me toward food!  The second one?  First thirty minutes after I get home is dedicated to exercise...even if it is just a walk!!!!  I need to start that habit!!!

It was miraculous really, the results of my official weigh in!   Why yes, even after I had a week of higher caloric eating, I managed to maintain my weight this past week!    Even with the stress eating and general lethargy that my work week brought...I still managed to maintain!   My stats were at the top end of my caloric range pretty much all week (actually over, but who is nit picking!!)

My official top number is 1530. So I was actually over three of the seven days!  It wasn’t too much better once I added in my exercise to give me my net calories!

Yes I rocked the weekend days!!   So it shows me that even though my top end theoretically should have me still being able to lose a pound a week, it does not work for my body.  That is more my maintain range apparently.   Good to know!  

Lessons learned last week.  Lots of fun over the weekend.  Now it’s time to get this work week rolling and rock the lower calorie count to LOSE weight and take the steps to be more healthy!!!

Stress Alert: Stress Wrecked my Diet

It’s Friday!  I for one am so glad about that fact.  It’s been a LONG week!   Really long!  Work has been a bit stressful and that stress infiltrates every aspect of my life.  It affects my sleep.  It affects my energy levels.  But most importantly stress affects my diet.

I started out the week strong!  I was on target with my eating over the weekend.  My weight was not dropping fast, but I was maintaining steadily at my current low.  All was looking good.  Monday was stellar.  I ate my nutritious lunch while I walked around the lake at work.  I was on the lower end of the caloric range that I strive to remain within. I was doing great!

On Tuesday the stress started to hit.  (Vent alert...but just for this paragraph!).  My current job is working with the launch of a new program/product.  It is chaotic.  I expected it to be chaotic.  What I did not expect was the absolute inconsistencies when I ask one person a question versus another. (Yes, asking people in authority)  That is super annoying...but then add in a third person who has a different answer and what do you have?  Confusion.  Adding to that mix is a random person (you never know who) that will check your work....you guessed it, person number four has a totally different approach and belief on the way things are supposed to be done.  On top of that is the overall frenzy because this program is blowing up and busier than expected (and lots of people have quit and ARE quiting which adds to the general vibe of panic)  and we are struggling to keep up with the work so we are constantly being pushed and badgered.   It is very easy to adopt the feeling that you can’t do anything right (seriously, we are not told that in those words but when all you are getting is negative feedback due to the fact that you did the work based on person number ones instruction but person number 3 is checking you using a completely different matrix how else are you to feel?). I am not used to this.  I learn easily.  I do well, even with changes.  I strive to be the best and do a good job. It’s been very uncomfortable for me to say the least.  And the stress has been building!

So as I was saying, Tuesday the stress started and I ditched my healthy lunch for a cafeteria lunch that included chips and a container of Reece’s Pieces.   Now the Reece’s Pieces didn’t really concern me because I bought them to last the whole week maybe even next week!  Except that the stress got to me and I found myself eating them that afternoon with no control.  (I did eventually put the away!).  I was disgusted with myself for my change of plans.  I tracked my food (managing to stay below the top end of my caloric range) and moved on. I didn’t recognize the stress eating at that point 

Wednesday I did it again!  I eschewed my healthy lunch and headed for the cafeteria.  As I stood in line, I  literally knew that this was stress eating.  Knowing it didn’t make me turn around and retreat to my healthy lunch.  Nope, I was determined to eat my sorrows!   I somehow DID have the presence of mind to avoid the foods that I really wanted and got a lower calorie sandwich and I DID choose the bag of chips that had the least calories!  That’s a win right?  The brownie that I got....well ok that negates the wise choices of sandwich and chips!   I sat and wrote my friend an email while I ate and I even told her that I was stress eating.   But I still ate every crumb of that brownie.  On the drive home I could think of nothing other than ice cream!  I had to stop at the store anyway!  So I had ice cream in the evening.  My saving grace?   Dinner had been pre-planned and was a very healthy low calorie /no carb meal!  Jason has even brought me home a package of Reece’s Cups!   I did maintain self control and I only ate one (ha as if my stress eating had much control!).  I wasn’t going to track my food.  But then on Thursday morning I was reading a blog post from someone and saw the title that had something to do with tracking food.  I couldn’t even read that post until I tracked my food.  It honestly wasn’t as bad as I expected. (1616 calories...so  over my caloric range but not by as much as I feared).    I stepped on the scales with real fear on Thursday morning...but the scales were holding steady.  However I knew that unless I got it under control they would move...and in the wrong direction.

So Thursday....the stress was still quite present and overwhelming.  (Ha I did go online on Wednesday night looking for another job!). But I know I can’t allow this job to ruin my efforts!  I want more out of life...so, I was determined to beat it!    Well, it wasn’t overly successful.  I ate another sandwich and a bag of chips at the cafeteria...and my calories were over for the day ....100 calories over my top end.  What’s worse?   The weather was fantastic and I sat inside shoveling food into my face versus being outside and enjoying the weather!  And I ate the rest of the Reece’s pieces. (All tracked). 

Friday has arrived.  I’m making no promises!  However I am making changes.  Rather than my fruit and cheese ‘snack’ for lunch that I normally eat while I walk, I am taking more...something that will not leave me tempted to retreat to the cafeteria.  It’s nothing crazy.  A Pb&j, some pretzels and kiwi.  Am I saving lots of calories?  Not really...but it will help me to break the cycle of heading to the cafeteria!

So my weight....I am still hanging onto this lower ‘decade’ on the scales.  I having popped over. But it is CLOSE!   (In fairness it was close before I started stress eating!).  I am going to take this week as a learning lesson.   I know that at 1600-1700 calories I pretty much maintain!  

Stress eating is a bear!   It is really the pits to recognize it but still just sit back and allow the food addiction take over.  It is crazy.  But I know what has happened.  That’s the first step to fixing it and fix it I will!!!

Exercise: ways to make it not so Horrible

Exercise is not any great love of my life.  In fact, it may not even rank up there with things that I like!   Let me put this out there, I dread it and actually kind of hate it!  It is not something that I actively seek out!  Oh yes, I have had periods of my life where exercise played a dominant part. (Seriously, I must have been mental at that moment right?)   I am also quite willing and ready to admit that when I am physically active through some form of exercise that I feel amazing and the more I do it, the less dread I feel!  However, I dread starting almost each and every time! How do we manage to circumnavigate this dread?  Is there a way?   The answer came to me during some hiking that I did this past weekend.  There ARE ways to make this much easier! 

Social Hour

Make exercise your social hour.  When I was attending Zumba, I worked out hard.  I was a sweaty mess.  It was exercise for sure.  But for me, it was also a social hour.  Once I started to attend I made some friends and even got some other friends to join the class.  We got there early to talk.  We stayed late to talk.  We even started going to dinner as a group after our class.  For me, the draw of the social aspect made me forget  that I was heading to workout.  It made it fun!

Be with Someone who does Enjoy Exercise

I didn’t want to go hiking this past weekend.  I really just wanted to curl up on the couch under a blanket and read a book and watch movies!  The very last thing I wanted to do was to go outside, get sweaty and hike!  That was too much like……..work!   My boyfriend however, had other plans!   He wanted to go hiking and mushroom hunting!   Morel mushrooms have a very short hunting season and the season was upon us.  He really wanted to get out into the woods to go hunt mushrooms and just to move and not feel so sluggish.  It had rained the night before and I didn’t want my feet wet, so I put my on trusty hiking boots (affiliate link) and headed out the door to hit a local trail to hunt mushrooms. I didn’t want to go, (remember that I wanted to stay curled up on the couch) but I went…simply because I love him and because he wanted to get outside.  I went because of him but after we got going, I was there because being outside and using my muscles felt amazing!

Goals that encompass Exercise

I am one that does particularly well when I set a goal for myself.  I work well with a goal and an end date in mind. I decided to run a 10k a few years back. I set the goal and I made my plan on how I was going to achieve that goal.  I had my training calendar posted in a spot that I would see it just about every day. (I posted it on my desk at work....I had to stare at it 40 hours a week!).   It was my goal to complete each trading day and ultimately run that race!  I delighted in updating my calendar!  I did the exercise because I wanted the euphoria of completing each and every training goal!  So set a goal and do what it takes to complete it, knowing the satisfaction of a job well done is the reward.

Hide the Exercise

The weather was gorgeous, so we wanted to be outside.  We had heard about this abandoned house near us that we had always wanted to find and check out.  It was out in the woods and would require a bit of walking to find it.  No worries, I was ALL IN!   I once again laced up my trusty hiking boots and we set off.  We parked our car and headed in the direction that we knew the house to be and we walked.  Up and down paths.  Through the woods and around streams we ambled, keeping our eyes open for any sight of this old abandoned house.  I was hiking and not even thinking about it!  I was having the time of my life!  It only got better when we saw the house!  It was amazing.  I could barely hold myself in check as I walked toward the house.  I circled that house a few times.  I went all around the many acres surrounding the house.  I climbed into it.  I was so active….but I didn’t even think of it as a hike.  I was having the time of my life and the exercise just happened!  I ended up getting about 5 miles of hiking while we searched for and explored that house!   The miles we hiked really crept up on me!  Best 5 miles of hiking I have EVER had!

Plan your daily activities with extra steps and activity in mind

We went to the beach a few weeks ago.  We arrived and parked the car on the first day we arrived.  We did not get back into the car until we the day we left the beach.  Why?  We specifically planned to get everywhere without the aid of the car for that weekend trip.  Sometimes it works out that way.  We rode our bikes or walked wherever we wanted to go and we racked up mad miles on our bodies.  Sometimes you can’t plan to walk everywhere, but you CAN park a bit further away.  You CAN chose to not drive everywhere.  You can make little changes to add a bit of activity into your life, and I promise you the change will NOT hurt!

Challenges

A few years back Jason and I wee talking and somehow we made a bet. The bet was based on who would run the most miles.  We did this each week for a  month or two.  I hate to lose.....so I ran!  I ran and ran. I was constantly checking mapmyfitness and I would groan when I would see a run appear under his name.  But guess what?  I would lace on my running shoes, queue my running playlist and off I would go!  I wanted to win!!!!!!  Posts from that time  clearly show my mentality and drive to win at all costs!

Have fun

Sometimes exercise is just there, something that we know we have to do.  We can’t hide it, we can’t link up with someone, we can’t do anything but just endure.  How do we take away the great dread?   Well,  we make it fun!  Download an amazing playlist of music onto your phone to listen to.  If you are doing something on fitness equipment where you can watch a tv or a screen, turn on great movie or a that tv show you’ve always wanted to see.   Make it more special and ONLY allow yourself to watch that program while you are exercising.  If it is an amazing program, you will be DYING to get to your exercise machine just so you can watch more!

Neat clothes

Go buy some new exercise clothes!   Seriously, but he clothes. Revel in their cuteness and then wear them!  And yes, be proud as a peacock knowing that you are wearing something cuter than heck!!!

There are ways to make exercise easier to do.  We can make it fun.  We can make it social, we can hide the aspect of exercise within some activity that we want to do!  We can do anything in our powers, but the real answer is just to get out there and do it!  You will feel so much better physically after you do. Emotionally….well you will be so proud of yourself that you will be walking on air!  The sky is the limit.  Do whatever it takes to get out there and do it!!!

A weekend of activity

We had another active weekend!   This is the third weekend in a row that we have moved a fair amount.   We are slowly working to chcange our habits and it feels good!  I will be honest though. there were a few times this past weekend that I would have much preferred to curl up on the couch with a good book and say ‘to heck with the activity’.  But, once I got moving I was glad that I did it!!!

My official weigh in was on Saturday and I showed a 1/2 pound loss.  Not as much as I would like...but I will gladly take it!   My eating was a bit higher over the weekend, but I’m not going to stress myself out over it. It is what it is!

On Saturday I was so tired.   We ran some errands.  Nothing too exciting.  We got an oil change for my car, ran my car out to have my emissions test done, searched for shells for the newest crab and picked up a new vacuum.   Yes, we have been limping along with an old low quality vacuum.  It was time to just do it and sink the money for a good vacuum.   We chose the Dyson cordless Animal (affiliate link).   So far so good...except for the battery life on the max power setting!    But it does pick up like a charm!  (I knew it would though,  since I have had a Dyson before!)

We got home from our errands and I ended up falling asleep on the couch.  I may or may not have drooled all over Jason who was my pillow!   When I finally woke up we headed out to a small trail to do a bit of walking/hiking.

This began the weekend of snakes! 

Luckily I noticed that black snake hanging out on the tree before I walked under him!!!

On Saturday we headed down to a local trail by a lake.  It is the trail and site of the great mountain bike meltdown that I had last fall.  This time we planned to be on foot. We were exploring and hiking while we also kept an eye out for Morel Mushrooms.  (Spoiler alert, we didn’t find any!)

We decided to look for an abandoned house that we knew was nearby.  Oh boy did we find it!  

It was huge!  We circled around outside.

And then we went inside!

The house was in really bad shape so we didn’t stay inside for long before we were back outside exploring.  We headed down to some more abandoned cars that were a short distance from the house.  It was while we were looking at them that we heard the squawking of some birds.

We looked up and saw two bald eagles flying above us.  They did NOT like us there. We looked up and saw a huge nest!

You can see one of the eagles on the right edge of the picture.  We can only assume that they had eggs or eaglets in their nest!   We decided to leave to allow them peace.   As we were making our retreat we ran into snake number two of the weekend.

We hiked a few more miles and then got in the car.  On the way home we both expressed the desire to not be inside but to enjoy more of the spring day.  So we went to the C&O Canal and walked some more! (This was easier...flat and graded...not an up and down trail!) 

We saw our third snake on this segment of our day. Seriously, way too many snakes!!!

We came home and while I wasn’t as exhausted as last week  my body was tired and ready to relax!!!

All in all a good weekend.  I am happy with the  activity levels  that we are achieving on the weekends.  We are moving!  Now the plan is to bring that exercise level to the weekdays....just a wee bit!

Week recap

I woke up this morning and felt immediate happiness!  I was sure that it was Saturday and that it was a relax day!  But then reality set in.  Oh well...tomorrow I can wake up with the bliss of freedom!!!  

So, since it if Friday, it’s time for a weekly recap!

As for my monthly goals...how did I do this week?

1. Tracking every bite of food I eat-   Success.

2. Money into savings-  Success

3. Weigh less-  This is not exactly a success but I’m not calling it a failure yet. (More on this in a bit.)

4. Be more active/exercise at least theee day’s a week -  Success.  well my weekend knocked out two days, but I have managed to walk on my lunch break 3 of the last 4 days.  So a huge success (even if the after work exercise hasn’t begun!)

5. Keep my calories within a specific range for at least 6 days a week.  Success!  I managed this. One day was borderline close and one was over...but I squeezed it out!  (more on this in a moment.)

6.  Step count an average of at least 5k steps a day. I was over that every day except the day that I didn’t walk on my lunch break.

Proof of a lunch time walk!

Weight

My body did the same old routine.  I was so careful over the weekend.  I ate healthy.  I watched every bite. I was so good with my water, and my weight still jumped up on Monday. This has been happening for a while so I didn’t panic. I stayed within the three pound ‘acceptable’ range that I am ok with.   But it is still frustrating.  I expect it to drop significantly tomorrow.

Calories

On Thursday I arrived in the training room ready to start the day with training (I’ve been training new hires). One of the new hires brought in donuts!  I looked at those big wonderfully delicious looking donuts all morning! I wanted one soooo badly!  Oh heavens I could taste the glaze!  My lips could feel the chocolate!  Ohh the sprinkles too, I could taste it all!  But.....I didn’t take one!  I didn’t even take a bite!  I stood strong!

But the willpower to resist took a lot out of me.  After a morning of resisting, the thought of settling for a banana, kiwi and cheese lunch while I walked was very distasteful! (If I walk on m lunch break my meal must be highly ‘portable’ as I only have a 30 minute lunch break and the lake takes about 20 minutes to walk around...and of course I need a few moments to use the bathroom and whatnot!). I just couldn’t settle!  I went to the cafeteria and got a turkey sandwich from the deli line...with lots of greens and vegetables!  I did cave and get a bag of chips (I looked at the calorie count and got the lowest calorie count bag there!).   I was fine with that choice.  It was still better and more nutritious than a donut...and probably a lot less calories than that oversized donut!   But...it caused my calories to be about 100 over my top end limit (Which is 1550 calories for the day).    And that my friends is the reason I didn’t manage a straight 100% success on the walking/exercise AND the calorie count.  

If we look at my calorie count we can see how well I really did!

So we can see that I had some days that were right on the borderline...days like Sunday.   But Lets look at the graph that adds in my exercise...

So we can see that the day I called ‘borderline’ was in reality no where near being borderline!   It was only the donut day that I was slightly over!!!

So all in all I am going to count this week as a success.  Even though my weight hasn’t dropped (yet).  I made some very good strides and lived a healthy lifestyle this week!  I moved more than I have in recent months and I ate well.  A win!

Mini me war

This past weekend I battled a war!    I battled hard!  I fought the good fight!  I slayed the beast....well maybe not slay it, but I did face off with the beast!

What is the beast I so freely talk about?   It is the voices in my head.  Now let me say I don’t really hear voices.  Don’t sign me up for Prozac or whatever medicine helps quiet the voices.  I am talking about the conflicting wants and desires that flutter through my head.  Don’t eat that versus eat two! These are the  thoughts that tumble through our heads at any given day.   

Fat Mini Me

For a long time now, I have referred to the voice/thoughts  that try to steer me away from good healthy living as my Fat mini me.  This is the thought that comes to my mind when I am planning to go for a run.  It is the thought that tells me to not go, it’s too cold, it’s too hot, you have a boil on your butt (nope, it doesn’t get old to make fun of the butt boil!), or whatever reason that darn fat mini me can come up with!   It’s the voice in my head that tells me to stop running while I’m out for a run, ‘stop running, your dying’. Or the voice that says ‘who do you think you are fooling, you are not a runner, you are just a fat girl pretending to run’.    Fat mini me is the voice that urges me to eat a piece of cake because ‘you can always start tomorrow’.  Fat mini me is the thoughts that make me throw up my hands in defeat and give up just because of one slip up.  ‘You screwed it up now Maryfran, you may as well have another piece of pizza...and one wing or ten....heck add in some garlic bread also!”    The fat mini me is the destructive thoughts in our head.  The excuses!  The mental negative talk that we all have going on in our heads.

Thin Mini Me

This ‘voice’ is much more quiet!  Unfortunately, because this voice seems to get drowned out by the unhealthy comments from the fat mini me!   This is the voice that quietly reminds us that we have a goal to reach.   “You are only 1 pound from your next weight goal, stay strong!”   This is the voice that tells us to keep running even though you want to quit. “I can see the end, don’t quit now!”  This is the voice that reminds us that we can restart right here and now when we have messed up.  “You ate too much, learn from your mistake and don’t compound the mistake by a continued binge”

See, they are two conflicting thoughts!  When we are living a more unhealthy life, the fat mini me has a much louder voice.  But as we slowly change our habits the thin mini me gets more assertive and loud!   The fat mini me will never really go away though. That voice is just waiting for a sign of weakness!

So this past weekend these two voices/thoughts were at war for each other.  It was brutal.   

“EAT THE DARN COOKIE!” 

 “no you will regret it if you eat the cookie”.

 “HAHA, YOU ATE THE COOKIE AND YOU HAVE MESSED UP ANY HOPE OF LOSING WEIGHT! HAHAHA”

“you ran and rode your bike for two hours and only had a cottage cheese double and some strawberries you  are fine within your calorie count.  all is not lost”

It was tough.   And I listened to the sane thin mini me (the lower case voice in case you didn’t pick up on that.).  And do you know what?   That voice was right. It’s proven in my calories for those days...so let me give you that week...ending on Sunday night!

Here is my total calories.

If you notice I am still under the 1550 that is my top end of the caloric goal range!

But let’s now add in my exercise!

So as my report shows...I didn’t listen to the fat mini me.  I listened to the sane voice and felt more empowered from my good choices!   (And for the record o think the exercise calories are overly inflated on myfitnesspal...thus making my net calories seem more drastic...but I didn’t eat any of my exercise calories so there still would have been a dip!)

I was Toast

Monday...what a dreaded word!  The weekends always go by so fast!  But hey, it is fun!   I got some activity in, I had my official  weekly weigh in, and I clearly started thinking about my progress in terms of goals!

Weigh In and Goals

I had my official weigh in on Saturday morning.  I reached my new decade goal!!!  I dropped into the next lower ten pound range!  I was 249.2 on Saturday my official weigh in day!  (It was 247.8 after my run that morning but I’m not counting that.  I was just tickled to see that number!) .  It made me realize that I have been operating with no short term goals...so I’m focusing on 10 pound increments....a decade.   I’m gunning now for the next decade.  That will be a biggie too!  Why?  That will put me back at the weight that I was when I met Jason!    (I was right at 238-239 when I met Jason).  The following ‘decade’  after that (when I manage to reach  the upper 220’s, will be neat because it will be back to the lowest Jason has ever seen me!    But then the fun will  really begin...I will be able to reveal a new body to Jason with each pound I drop!!!    He doesn’t care about my weight and actually likes a ‘chunkier woman’ ...which is good because I will never be a string bean....but it will be fun to lose and show off.  (Some new lingerie in my future maybe?  Hahaha. Ok TMI). So yes I have some definite goals...so pound increments!    

Food

I ate my dinner on Friday.  I know that Friday dinners are usually a bit higher in calories.   (Which is kinda crazy when I think that I use my Saturday weigh in as my official one!)   I had planned my whole day of eating accordingly because I knew that dinner would probably be a bit higher.  I ate my dinner and then sat there and berated myself for ordering the cookie AND eating it!  (We ordered delivery from Jimmy John’s.). I grudgingly picked up my phone to enter in my calories into the  myfitnesspal app.  Much to my surprise, I was still within my caloric goal range.  Sure, it was at the high end, but I was in range!   Even knowing that, I waged a war in my mind.  One minute I (the devilish mini me voice) would tell myself that “You  are so stupid!  You shouldn’t have eaten the cookie, You would have been down at the low end of your calories and thereby maybe would lose more weight.  You have messed it up!”  But then the calm sane voice of reason (man, I need to name that voice since I have the devilish voice named....hmmm) took over and I told myself, “Maryfran you are within the caloric range.  That is a victory and an added bonus for your indulge/delivery meal night.  You are not sitting there feeling stuffed and sick after overeating.  In fact, you feel satisfied...emotionally and physically.   You won that round.  You managed to ‘live’ within the constraints of a healthy eating plan.”   Yeah...back and forth the battle in my mind was waged.  But ultimately it was done, the food already eaten so nothing could be changed!  The only thing I COULD do was to not listen to the evil mini me and chalk it up as a failure and thereby head to the kitchen for more snacks/food since my day was ‘ruined anyway’.  I listened to the sane voice and settled in for a Friday night relaxation fest, satisfied with myself!  

Saturday eating was spot on!  My calories were at the low end of the range and I was pretty much satisfied all day long!  Sunday a bit higher, but I should actually be ok...better than ok!

Exercise

Saturday morning I didn’t let myself talk myself out of it!  It?  It was a morning run!  No matter the state of my buttock boil that I talked about the other day, I was going.  I got dressed and wore no underwear to eliminate  any excess rub the keister issue (I am not the commando type of girl, and actually had a really bad experience exercising with no underwear once, seriously read it...it was bad!!). and I headed out for a run!  I didn’t go far and I didn’t go fast.  But I went!  

Post Run Selfie

I came home and relaxed a bit before heading out to grocery shop and run a few errands. I came home and did some chores around the house.  Shortly thereafter we headed out with our bikes to go for a ride.  My legs were tired and achy when we were done!

I can count 14 turtles on the log!

It wasn’t a fabulous ride because of that.  I don’t know if it was the combination of the run in the morning combined with the ride or if it was the concrete floors from two hours in various stores. . (I have noticed that my knee doesn’t far well when we are shopping...my knee can be relatively pain free for days...or at least manageable but when we shop it flares up!). I know my legs were tired after my run but my knee didn’t hurt until shopping.  Oh well!   Lots of steps for the day and a bike ride!  Nice and active!!! Go me!!!

Sunday was as equally active!  We headed out for a few hours on our bikes!

And then just because, we went out for a short hike!  We got home and my words were, “I am TOAST!”  I was so tired  I was so achy.  My knees hurt, my muscles hurt, I was so tired!  (OK, and I was sunburnt also, so toasty that way too!)

Boil update

I still have this boil on my butt.  (Or a small cyst, which is more likely, but it is more fun to call it a boil!). I have been pretty good about hot compressing it and it has reduced in size! It was fine this weekend as I went commando, thereby eliminating quite a bit of the rubbing and friction that I normally get from my underwear (the leg of the underwear rubs right where the boil is located).  The bike wasn’t too bad (obviously not since I managed two significant rides this weekend).    So that is being managed and slowly healing.  I just didn’t let it stop me!  I’m just thankful it isn’t a carbuncle....an area with a group of boils...that would be especially bad!!!  (And my word of the weekend...I learned what a carbuncle really was, I had always known the word but never the definition!). And don’t worry, I will spare you pictures of my butt boil!

All in all it was a great weekend. Active, productive and still plenty of time to relax and chill!   It’s Monday now and the knee that has been most recently giving me trouble is throbbing a bit. I will definitely keep an eye on it....but I’m pushing forward to better things.   The pain comes from excess weight and disused am sure.  Time and effort will eradicate it!!!

Revelations

I have had a few revelations the last few days.  Ok, maybe they aren’t overly profound.  Maybe these revelations aren’t even new to me.  I very well could have written these thoughts and ideas as some great epiphany a few months or years back.  Who knows….but if I did already write this?  Oh well, here it is again.

I made a vow that I was going to hit the month of April hard.  I was going to get home from work and either walk or bike with Jason and if that didn’t happen I was going to go for a run by myself!  No ifs ands or buts.   April first rolled around and it didn’t happen.  Nor did it happen on April second. Hey, it was cold! (Excuse alert in case you hadn’t picked up on that already.)   I vowed and promised myself that since the weather was not going to be cold on Wednesday the third of April that I would be starting then!  No excuses this time.  Right?   Wednesday rolled around and…….

Holy cow, is that a boil on my butt?  (Stop laughing, this is a serious matter!)  Yes, there is a hard knot of pain on my buttock!  Ok, maybe it’s not a boil….it’s a follicle cyst…an ingrown hair….a really big pimple?  How in the world did I get a boil (or whatever it is) on my arse cheek?  I have no clue, but it hurts!  It rubs.  It isn’t comfortable.  And that my friends is why I didn’t run on Wednesday.  I stayed home and applied a hot compress (hot washcloth) to my keister.  (Being honest with myself, this was also an excuse!)

So here comes the first of my revelations.  I was still planning on running the WHOLE DRIVE HOME, even with the budding boil on my backside.   It wasn’t until I started walking into our apartment that I talked myself out of it.  But I had some interesting thoughts while I was driving and planning on going.  My personal mini me (the voice of discontent and unhealthy that screams in my head telling me to not exercise and to instead eat ice cream) was telling me that if I go running after work that there were going to be SOOOO many people outside and driving by. They would see my sorry boiled ass. (Well, not the boil, because I would be wearing pants….obviously.) They would see how out of shape I was.  They would see my shameful pace. They would see and I would be embarrassed.  You see, I almost have always run in the morning…before the world starts to move about too much.  I ran in more deserted areas…a National park in the morning before the tourists arrived, the C&O Canal out in the middle of the woods, back alleys and paths.  I always ran more privately, away from the eyes of others….especially when I was just starting out after a hiatus from running.  Where I live now is very open.  I would be running in a more populated area with no alleys to duck down to have some privacy while I struggle to breathe due to the affects of my attempt to run. (People would probably call 911 thinking I was in some kind of distress!)   Embarrassment is definitely a deterrent to doing the ‘right’ thing.

So that was my first revelation.

The second thing wasn’t anything profound and not really a revelation, just a realization.  I woke up on Thursday and weighed myself.  I was happy to see my weight down at a nice low number. (A low number being relative to the most recent numbers that I have been seeing on the scales!)   I was so happy!  I planned my lunch with thoughts of my planned dinner and calories in mind.  I was going to slay this weight.  I was so close to dropping into a new ‘decade’ of weight on the scales!  I was going to do it!   On the way to work I realized something.  I was totally focused on this ‘new decade’ and losing weight.  The lower number had made me dig in my heels to really do this.  I don’t know what had changed in my thinking, but I was tickled with the determination that the nice number on the scales had given me.  It was a total change from previous months.  In the past few months I’ve had some successful weigh ins where I saw lower numbers.  But without fail, almost every time I had a great number on the scale I would sabotage myself.  How?  I would be driving to work flying high on nice number I saw on the scale.  I would have my breakfast fruit sitting beside me ready to eat but then the thought of tater tots and breakfast muffins would enter my mind.  Instead of saying ‘The scales are going down, I need to keep it going down’ I had defaulted to saying “I did good, lets reward myself with some tater tots for breakfast.” (or a muffin, or a bag of chips at lunch or maybe even a full lunch at the cafeteria instead of my healthy lunch that I had packed.)  I was sabotaging myself by rewarding myself with food.  BAD BAD MaryFran.

Luckily something clicked yesterday morning and I got excited by the number and motivated!  I knew that breaking from my packed breakfast (and lunch) would only result in the numbers on the scale going back up and as soon as I realized that, I knew that I had indeed been sabotaging myself and that it had to stop!

Soooo…there you go.  My revelations from the first week of April.  Oh and for the record.  On Thursday I did NOT sabotage my eating by rewarding myself with food.  I DID also walk on my lunch break (both Wednesday and Thursday)Go me!  Still working on the after work activity...and still using hot compresses on my butt cheek!  And the scales…well they rewarded me.  I’m still not down into a new ‘decade’ but I’m close!

Slaying the beast...day three

Here we go!  Halfway through the week!  Lets get this show on the road and make it to the weekend!   I will say that I am looking forward to the weekend!  Sadly, it is just a normal short weekend and not a longer one like last weekend.  But that’s ok.  The weather is supposed to be FANTASTIC and we have some ideas of how to utilize that fantastic weather. (Amidst the normal errands and chores!)

It is day three of the new month.  I came home all fired up to absolutely slay the beast of obesity this month and show a victory.  (Or at least make positive inroads to slayong the beast, because it will take me multiple months!).  I vowed to hit the month hard from day one.   I had plans!

I have not hit it as hard as I would have liked.  BUT, I have not gone on a binge or anything. 

Exercise…..this one has not started off strong.  I did NOT walk on my lunch break.  I also did NOT walk or run or ride my bike after work like I had planned to do (my mind comes up with all sorts of fantastic plans for activities!)    It was cold!   That kept me from my lunch walks.  It also made me get home and just curl up under a blanket (ok maybe it wasn’t that cold) and stay inside.     The weather is turning though and it is supposed to be in the mid 60’s at lunchtime today.  I am heading out!   It should also still be pretty nice when I get home.  I PLAN to get out after work tonight.  A walk?  A bike ride?  A run?  I don’t know what yet.  Some of that will depend on Jason.  If he wants to ride or go for a walk that will be the activity I do.  If not, I am VOWING to run!     With no lunch time or after work walks, my step count for the first two days is woefully lacking.  And yes, I am so embarrassed to admit that my goal for the month is only 150,000 steps…that is ONLY 5000 steps a day.  Even more embarrassing is the fact that I am so sedentary at this point that getting 5K steps a day is a stretch.  I am currently running 3500 steps behind after the first two days.    But with nicer weather  I should be able to catch up quickly!

Eating……I haven’t done too badly on this one.  I have remained within my goal range for my caloric intake (I aim for between 1200 and 1550 a day).  I have been closer to the top end of the range both days, but I’m ok with that.  I know that I need to work on getting my calories toward the lower end at least a few days a week.  But in the meantime, I’m happy with where I’m at.

Water Intake…….I did fabulously over the weekend.  I have struggled these first two days of the month.  Today is the day to change that also!  

Weight…..My weight isn’t too bad.  I was happy with where I was at the beginning of the month (in comparision to where I was mid month in March).   My weight has shifted up a bit the last two days.  That however could be also caused by the lack of water consumption.  I have woke up both of the last two days thirsty…which is historically not a good sign for my weight.

April is here……It is time to slay this weight and get my life…my healthy living life back on track!  Next time I’m at the beach I am going to be fit!!!  But for now I will treasure the memories of this last trip!!!

A much needed respite

Wow!   I can’t even begin to say how badly I needed this past weekend!!!   Work has been a bit on the crazy side lately (I have been involved in launching a new program...so nothing is set in stone, everything changes on a daily basis...no it changes on an hourly basis, and so many things have no answer yet.  I am a person that likes to know what I’m doing, so the uncertainty has been stressful!  Jason likewise has had some upheaval in his job....so the weekend was soooooo badly needed!   I could literally feel the stress and worry when I woke up on Friday...and I could feel it fall away as we relaxed!

FRIDAY

We woke up at the normal ‘work time’ and just relaxed on the couch and  slowly finished packing.  I munched on a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast.  Optimally, we would have gotten an early start out the door but the first part of our trip would take us through Washington DC (via the road of my daily commute) or via a different route that would take us closer to Baltimore.  Both routes would be full of harried commuters on their way to work.  Yeah, we do that enough when we work...so we decided to sit at home and relax and just leave at 8....and without the rush hours traffic we would get there the same time as if we had left earlier!   Worked like a charm...the drive was uneventful!

We arrived and parked at the hotel.  It was around noon and check in was at 4pm. I popped in to see if we could leave our car parked in the lot (At one place we stayed down at the ocean we could not park our car there earlier than check in and they would no allow us to park there a minute after check out...even during off season....we haven’t stayed there since!!). Luckily for us, this place said ‘sure and while you are at it, your room is ready if you want to check in now!!!  Well of course I wanted, and of course we did!!  It was perfect because it allowed us to split up the afternoon between bike riding and walking (since we checked in we could walk knowing that the bikes were secure in the room!)

We hopped on the bikes at first!   

We headed down to the inlet first.  Then back up the boardwalk.  Then back down to the inlet...where I got a small Thrasher’s Fry (a boardwalk delicacy!). I ate probably about 3/4 of that (maybe a bit less).  Why did I not eat the whole thing?  Believe me, it wasn’t because I had will power...part of the charm of Thrasher’s for me is feeding the birds!!!     When I was finished I told the birds to go find their next target and I hopped back on my bike.  Up the length of the boardwalk we went again!  Northbound riding was fantastic...away from the wind.   But southbound I really had to push to ride against that wind!!!!  While riding we noticed a ‘perimeter’ set up in one spot on the beach and what  looked like ‘guards’ on each edge of the perimeter.  People had cameras and were taking pictures.   Odd!  Finally my curiosity got the best of me.  Jason watched the bikes and I trucked  across the sand to see what was up! 

Apparently seals will ‘haul out’ of the water for various reasons.  In this area they usually only haul out if they are in distress.  Apparently most of the time they just need to rest.  (If they are sick or injured they get them and drive them up the coast to a rehabilitation area.  The volunteer told me sometimes they only rest for 2 or 3 hours but they have had a seal ‘rest’ for 6 days before leaving the area.   Seals are a protected animal.   So a group of volunteers will set up a perimeter and stand guard to insure that the seals and humans and animals on the beach are safe.  (Sorry, I haven’t had a chance to get the really good pics off the good camera, the camera with an excellent zoom...so you get a cell phone pic!)

Jason and I jumped on our bikes and headed back to the hotel.  We decided to walk back to the seal resting area to get some pictures and take some time to pop into some of the stores and sites along the boardwalk.

We walked into the room and Jason said ‘holy cow, look at this’!

This bird stayed on our balcony rail, with our balcony door open and talked to us for at least 15 minutes. Jason would mimic its sounds and it would answer back.  We were only able to watch him from inside the room.  I found a packet of sunflower seeds in our bags and the bird was going to get  a nice nutritious snack!  Finally we left the room.  We could tell that the bird really wanted the seeds but wouldn’t eat much while we were there. Plus we had a seal haul out to attend!

We walked back to the seal area and checked out the seal!   After grabbing a few pictures we headed back down the boardwalk on foot!  For the next two hours we roamed on foot.  The restaurant that we wanted to eat at (Bull on the Beach) was closing at about 5 PM....(remember it’s off season so we were just happy that they were open). So we ordered our food.  Sandwich rolls on the side please. And we carted it back to our hotel room to heat up later for dinner.  Also on our walk we picked up two big buckets of popcorn. (Caramel and cheddar cheese). (If you have been to OC, Maryland...Fishers Popcorn). We ALSO stopped at Dolles Candyland and each picked out some chocolate for a sweet treat!

So for dinner I ate a beef sandwich and coleslaw, I had some popcorn and I had some chocolate.   I feel like I ate a ton!  But I never felt ‘stuffed and sick’. I never even felt full!   I did eat it in stages.  I ate the sandwich first.  Then I waited a bit before I dove into the popcorn.  I then waited a bit before eating any chocolate.   And right before we went to bed (probably an hour after the chocolate) I ate another handful of popcorn.  I was purposefully doing that in order to give my body time to tell me to stop!!!  I kept saying ‘I just still feel hungry!’

We cranked the heat up high and threw open the door to the balcony......and crawled into bed!  Ahhhh. Sleep was wonderful with the natural sound of the waves rolling in!!!  Just for the record, We chose our ocean front rooms carefully...at the hotel we stayed at this time the balconies are cantilevered little half circles and at least 5 feet or more from the balcony of the next room...and we are the top floor!  So while not impossible for someone to come into our room via the balcony....it is highly unlikely!

Roughly 2.5 hours of bike riding and about 2 -3 hours of walking for the day. (And just for the record...this one day of walking allowed me to say that I completed my step goal for March....the one I talked about in my last post ). While I ate candy and popcorn...and fries my food intake was under control and not a free for all!  I actually ended the day a bit hungry...just not able to feel satisfied! Upon tracking my food I found that I was only barely over my goal range (1200 to 1500.) and then on top of that add in all that activity...yeah I did good with my numbers but no wonder I was hungry...when I look at my net calories for the day I had quite a few more calories I could have eaten...as in just in the exercise alone I burned 1800 calories...above and beyond what I burn just through normal living. And on that day I didn’t eat any of those extra calories!

SATURDAY

I woke up early and laid in bed basking in the peaceful sounds of the crashing surf! Ahhhhh. That is the life!  I managed to write my recap for Friday (above) and was ready to hop out of bed when the sun started peaking over the horizon!

We showered and relaxed a bit...this was a mini vacation, we wanted active time but also relaxing time!  Finally we set off.  It was still chilly so we set off on foot.  We walked for hours!   Literally!   From 9am or so until about 4pm.    

I grabbed a breakfast sandwich. (Sausage egg and cheese croissant).  We checked out the seal who was still on the beach!  (Wish I could have gotten closer, but apparently a law keeps you 50 yards away.). We checked out various stores.  We enjoyed the beach. 

I was feeling a bit confused because I was feeling hungry and I had just had breakfast.  But then I looked at my watch and low and behold it was 1PM!   Where did the morning go!   I was scanning for something to eat and saw the ice cream place....oh yeah, I did!  I had a chocolate sprinkle waffle cone with vanilla ice cream....covered in sprinkles!!  

Sprinkles make the world a better place!   And yeah....that WAS my lunch!!!

We walked some more.  Around 2 Jason looked at me and remarked that he had developed a hot spot on his foot.  We immediately headed back to our hotel to rest our weary feet and check out our hot spots/blisters.  Yup, I had a blister too (on the bottom of my middle toe of all places)!   We sat on the balcony enjoying life when our friend came back...and got so much closer to us this time...literally 3 feet from us...no zoom needed today!

We rested for a bit and then headed out to pick up the few things at some stores that we knew we wanted to take home.  (It was calling for rain on Sunday and we wanted to make sure that we had made our purchases so that we didn’t have to walk forever in the rain on Sunday before we left.). So what did we buy?   An ornament for our Christmas tree.  Some more chocolate.  And a new pet!   Yes we got another hermit crab.

  We have two tanks going at home.  One for the two small crabs and one for a big crab that I rescued about 6 months ago.  The big crab is healthy but rather ‘depressed’....we have tried to put him in the tank with the smaller crabs but it just isn’t working yet because of the size discrepancy.  Crabs are social.  So we are hoping another crab will help ‘big boy’.  The crab we got is rather large (double the size of ‘big boy’...and he is feisty and not overly afraid of us.  Our hearts melted with this jumbo sized crab...he was healthy looking and had obviously just molted.  You could tell that he hadn’t been in captivity for long...at least not in the cage that he was currently housed in!  Honestly the cages they keep the crabs in are horrendous and NOT at all conducive to life for these crabs!  (I’m not talking about quality of life...I’m talking the wire/mesh cages are not suitable for a hermit crab for any length of time and will eventually lead to health problems and death.  I would buy every crab and set them free on an island if I could...but I can’t so we just saved one!). 

After we made our purchases we went back to our room. It was about 5pm but we were DONE!  We let our crab roam a bit on the floor.  We moved the couch and sat looking at the ocean and chit chatted and enjoyed each other’s company.  We watched tv.  We ordered delivery because we were too whipped to head out the door another time!!!  Delivery was pizza and chicken tenders for me (Pizza and calamari for jason). Oh and some chocolate! 

What a good day!  Lots of activity.  My calories were a bit higher!  Right under 2000 for the day.  I didn’t have quite the deficit of calories that day...but I’m good with what I ate.  I didn’t go to bed hungry!  I also didn’t stuff myself and feel ill.  (And I had self control with the chocolate....only three small pieces!) I felt good!

SUNDAY

The day to go home. Boooooo!  But of course we were excited to get our new crab home and in a quarantine tank....a tank where he could be somewhat comfortable, small for him but with everything he needed to be comfortable (not a wire mesh cage that we transported him home in!) until we deem him safe to mingle with his new buddy!

We started the day with another sunrise. 

A nice lazy morning in the room enjoying the views....and trying to not think about going back to the rat race!!

We headed out on our bikes this morning and rode.   We grabbed an early lunch (fries again) and just enjoyed the ocean views and the wind in our faces as we rolled down the boardwalk.  It was colder so we were wearing our winter jackets and my jacket took a hit when it got caught on something on my bike and ripped!  Shucks...it was new this year too!  Oh well!

We rode until it started to rain!   (Which we knew was forecasted). Cold rain....so we fled back to the car and headed home.  It was time anyway.  Boooo!

The ride home was uneventful....but we both talked about the dread of returning to work.   Man, we need a ‘normal/long’ vacation!!!

Overall...what an active weekend!   I closed out March very positive.  While my food may have been a bit higher, it was not outrageously high!  (2000 calories was the highest day but add in 8 miles of walking and a couple hours of biking and I think that day evened out!).  I’m home and while I don’t want to return to work, I’m ready to get my health back on track and get my fitness levels up and my weight down!  Bring it on!!!!

End of month: a little early

I want to thank everyone for your kind words and encouragement on my last post.  It is so easy to get discouraged when we see the evidence of our ‘missteps’ in our quest for healthy living.  It is so easy to slip back into the emotions of ‘learned thoughts’.  It is very hard to get rid of baggage and to not expect the past to repeat itself.  I am a work in progress…..it’s difficult….but I’m working on it!

 

I am going to close out my month of March right here and now. Yup, right here on March 29th I am going to post my month end goal results.   I’m doing this for a few reasons.  I like to think that these reasons  are quite valid and real!   Now don’t worry.  Just because I’m closing out the month and reporting on the month, I’m not giving up….I will still be completing these habits over the next few days.  So now, let’s get to the reasons.

1.       This morning Jason and I are heading to the Ocean for a three day weekend.  I KNOW that I will be eating foods a bit higher in calories.  But I also know that I will be active as all get out.  (Just remember that after we spent some time at the beach last October t at I wrote about how tired and achy I was from all the activity…. Jason was suffering from a cold that whole time and we were STILL active!).

2.       I won’t have time to do a big end of month goal recap before the new month rolls around.

3.       My post when I get back will be filled (hopefully) with pictures and tales of fun activities that we did over the weekend…I don’t want to have a post that is forever long!

4.       This is the most important one……March was not a pretty month in terms of my healthy living.   I want to roll into April and make that first post of the month absolutely positive….I want to start it out with a positive bang!  Recapping the negative month of March will detract from the hope and promise that I have for April!  (How much more positive can I start out the month of April then by recapping an active weekend at the beach!)

So there you have it, the reasons why I am posting my month end recap on Friday March 29^th!

At the beginning of this month I set up some goals for myself. 

1.       Track every bite of food.  I failed on this one.  I THOUGHT I had tracked every bite of food but one day I went back and realized that I had missed a day.  OOPS.   However, I did not let this stop me.  I have faithfully tracked every other day of this month.  I WILL be tracking my food whilst at the ocean.  I know that some of my foods will be a bit higher and I expect my calorie count to reflect that.  But that’s ok too.  This is learning to live life with balance and grace.

2.       Put money into savings.  WIN!  It was actually easier because my pay raise for my promotion hit my checkbook.  My plan is to not spend that extra money, but to instead bank it.

3.       Weigh less than I do now.  Well…….as of today, it’s pretty much a maintain….and that’s not good, it SHOULD be a loss.    I’m not going to stress about it though….I’m waiting for the TOM to get out of my system so the numbers are a bit skewed.  

4.       Do something active (even just a walk) at least three times a week.  I failed this one miserably.  I had two weeks in the middle of the month where I was spot on with walking at lunch and evening walking/riding my bike and activity but then that behavior kind fell away.  I know that the lunch walks will happen as the weather gets warmer!   We did manage to get some activity during the weekends also….

A snowy hike

A sunny walk 

A nice bike ride

5.       Keep my calories within my caloric range at least 6 days a week…with an emphasis to get to the low end of that range as often as possible.  The first part of the month was miserable and I was at the high end or over my caloric range most days.  I did clean it up quite a bit in the latter part of the month…enough to recoup the weight that I gained in the first two weeks!

6.       Step goal on Fitbit.  150,000 steps for the month.  I SHOULD be able to hit this one.  I only have to get 5k steps each of the three days that we are at the ocean.  EASY!  (Seriously, we usually park the car when we first arrive and don’t get back in the car until the day we go home!)

So there you have it.  My March in all its ugly glory!

I am planning the same exact goals for April.  Nothing different, nothing out of this world crazy, the exact same goals!  And at the end of April, I WILL be writing a victorious post!

Emotion alert: self worth takes a bite

I wrote a blog post today. It was heart wrenching, at least for me. I don’t know if I could call it profound, but it came from my heart. The problem? It was rambling and not clear and concise. So I’m going to try to paraphrase the idea in a nice short post.

I saw a picture of myself from 18 months ago. I was disgusted. My face looked so thin in relation to what it is now. Wow, I knew I had gained weight but it really hit home when I saw that picture. 

When I saw the picture my immediate thought went to my self-worth. You see, like most people in our society deep down I still tie self-worth to my size. I know that who I am has nothing to do with my weight. It has to do with the size of my heart, my compassion, my sense of humor, my ethics. But yet those negative thoughts still coming to my mind on occasion. When they do I can’t hope but question so many things. Things like:

 Am I good enough to be loved? When will they decide im unlovable because of my weight???   Am I worthy of even having friends? Am I good enough to get another job promotion??  I’m sure you know the thoughts and emotions… I know that some of my emotions are derived from the baggage of my previous marriage that I actually talked about a few weeks ago.    Furthermore and maybe most importantly,  I know that these negative emotions are invalid.

The negative emotions make me want to knuckle down and lose every ounce of this excess weight. After all, if I lose the weight then my self worth and value increases right? But let me backtrack and remind myself and anyone reading this that those emotions are invalid...my self worth is NOT tied to my weight.   So then I sit back and say the opposite thing.  Why bother losing weight because I certainly never want to lose weight to make someone love me...or be friends with me.   Been there done that!

I need to lose weight because I want to.  I need to do it because I see the worthiness in living a healthy lifestyle.  I need to do it because my knees ache and that is unacceptable to ME!   I need to do it for ME...because I want the benefits.  I will still be the same compassionate, caring, goodball girl if I lose the weight.  My self worth won’t change, what will change is the activities I will be capable of doing!!!

(So earlier you got the thinner faced me from 18 mo this ago...here is the current...see the difference!!)

First day of a short week!!!

It’s Monday!  Let’s get this show on the road!   I want to get the next four days over with!!!  Why?  Ahhhhh. A three day weekend...and we are heading to the sounds of the surf and the scent of salt air wafting over us!  Yup, we head to the beach for a three day weekend....as soon as we get a few days of work under our belts!

My weekend was busy and relaxing all rolled into one.   We did our grocery shopping, visited family, ran errands, cleaned the house good (I’m talking windows and everything!) and went for a long bike ride! 

So let’s talk about the bike ride first.   We hit the canal.  Nice and mostly flat...relatively easy for my knees!    My knees did great while we rode.  Oh wait, maybe I just couldn’t feel the pain of my knees through the ache in my butt!   Yeah, my butt lost it’s comfort on the saddle ....it will get accustomed to it again though!   But seriously, my knees did great on the ride!   My knees even did ok through the evening after the ride.  A bit achy...but pretty good!  However, my thighs that evening were not so great! Ouch!!!  Today they seem to be doing ok...one night of rest and those muscles are almost back to normal...but better for having been used!

I’m happy to see that my knees survived.  Because we ARE going to the beach for a few days.  When we go, we rode and walk a LOT!!!  (Well if we take our bikes we ride a lot!  And we are planning on having our bikes with us!).   Are my muscles and knees ready for this???  I know it will push me to my limits...but that’s ok!

My eating this weekend? Well it could have been better...but it wasn’t totally horrible!  Just not ‘great’.  Back to the work week, which is usually my strong time!   And I already know that next weekend will have indulgences!   Luckily next weekend will included lots of activity to offset those indulgences!

So long story short.  I held on by the skin of my teeth this weekend.  My weight has fluctuated within 1-2 pounds.  My food was so so...and activity...nailed it with my bike ride!!!!