Pushing to the Light at the End of the Tunnel

 The last few weeks have been difficult.  Oh my, have they been hard!   I haven't kept it a secret that we moved.  I have even talked about the sheer exhaustion.  What I haven't talked about is how bad it has been.  I guess I didn't want to admit how far I have slipped!    As bad as it has been, I have not given up and I have pushed through and I am FINALLY starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.....I think!

The Pain

A few weeks ago I wrote about my utter exhaustion from the combination of the move and the unfamiliar yard work upon my body.   What I didn't write about was the fact that I was in tears from the pain in my legs.   I would sit and contemplate moving because I knew as soon as I moved my body would be screaming in freakish agony at the absolute murdering pain in my muscles.   I couldn't sleep at night because the muscles in my body were literally vibrating with pain.  I'm telling you, I was in bad shape!  There were many nights I cried from the sheer 'torture' that I was putting my body through.   

Even as I sat in tears, I battled with embarrassment.  A few years back I was in amazing shape.  I was still overweight but I was in the best physical shape of my entire life.   It was absolutely nothing for me to wake up early on a Saturday morning.  I would go for a 3-5 mile run and then go home, grab some water and then head outside to push mow for about 45 minutes.   I would then go inside, eat breakfast, shower and shortly thereafter head out to go hiking with Jason....and we usually hiked between 7 and 12 miles (depending on where we hiked) and usually up some mountain. I would be tired, but I was never down and out.  I was never not able to sleep because of the muscle aches.  I was never in tears because of the pain.  I would wake up the next day anxious to head back into the mountain for the next hike!  

Pushing Through

I am not going to lie.  During these recent weeks I wanted to give up. I wanted to stop the madness that was causing me pain.  I wanted to throw up my hands and settle into my world of 'unfitness'.  I didn't want or need this misery!   I didn't though.     As bad as I felt, I kept going.   Tears and sleepless nights meant nothing.  The next day I headed back out the door to mow, to move, to water our new trees (the first weeks by carrying 5 gallon buckets to each tree) , to plant flowers, to clear brush.  I gritted my teeth and I kept going.   I CHOSE more difficult options on a regular basis.   Which push mower did I chose?  Do you want the self propelled mower or the standard one?   I consistently have used the mower that is NOT self propelled.  Wait until we have a wheel barrow to move that pile of rocks?  Nope, I can do it one at a time...by hand!  Good exercise you know.   Even though my body was screaming at me!  I didn't stop, but just kept going.    I won't sugar coat it though, I have never been so happy to know that it was a weekday where I would be working.   You see, work days were my 'recovery days'.   

I kept telling myself that there would come a moment where it would get easier.  There would come a moment where my body wouldn't ache in freakish misery when I worked out in the yard.  The day is getting closer and while it's not totally here, I can see just this weekend how much better my body is adjusting to this 'new life'.   We mowed yesterday.  We are currently push mowing our property....and it takes about 7-8 hours TOTAL.   We have two push mowers at the moment so I mow for about 4 hours.  We also cleared brush from a stand of trees.  (and got to add a cherry tree to our list of fruit bearing trees and plants!) and of course watered.  (I chose to carry the water to the outlying plants versus using the hose...more exercise right....still choosing the hardest option).    I can't say that I was ready to go out dancing last night.  My legs were tired.  But my legs were NOT aching with utter misery.  They were not vibrating and so sore that the pain kept me awake.  And there was definitely NO tears.  

I still have a way to go.  I want to get back to the point where I do not even have the 'tiredness'. in my legs.    I want to get back to the fitness level that I was at a short 6 or 7 years ago.  But I can see that I am on my way!  I am not giving up!   It may hurt, but that is only my body getting stronger!  And maybe, just maybe; since I'm not totally wiped out maybe I can add in some exercise through the week!

Weight Loss Efforts

My vows that I have made in recent posts about tracking food and whatnot have not been executed to the degree that needs to happen.  I have been  morecognizant of my eating. I have stopped the nightly sweet treats.  BUt I haven't been spot on.  I haven't tracked. So in essence I haven't really been working on my food intake all that much.  HOWEVER, I have managed to lose about 6-7 pounds since we moved!     I'll take it!  Now I just need to get serious and actually work on my food intake.  

The ups and downs of changing my life

Whew!    I have lots to report on my fitness levels this week! It seems as if each week is a revelation of how bad this really is along with some random moments (few and far between) of seeing progression.   But this journey of weight loss and toward fitness is not a race (however much I would like it to be) and I will increase my fitness levels and lose weight even it is seems as if it is at a snails pace!!

Weight Loss

So typical of the way my body has been working of late, my weight popped up at the beginning of the week....grrrr!   I’m trying to not think about it...I’m within that three pound ‘fluctuation’ that I’m ok with (barely...but that is normal also).  I know this happens. I also know that I had a really big week of loss last week so this week might not be spectacular!  It’s just frustrating!  But I’m eating right so I am trying to not stress about it!!

Mountain Biking

We only went out once this past week.   We typically park at the lower lot when we go to this area, which means that we have to ride about a mile or two on a fire road until we get to a trail head.   Sounds like a perfect warm up right?   Well, right out of the gate there is an incline!   It has kicked both of us every time we go!  But...this past weekend I was just rolling up the hill and I was thinking, “Dare I say out loud that this is kind of easy?”   I did start breathing a bit more heavily for the last bit of the hill...but it was not too bad...nowhere near the typical freight train breathing that I have displayed every other time.  I was quiet about my revelation until Jason remarked that he handled the hill much better than before, he didn’t even get out of breath!   Progress for both of us!  

Running

I ran a few times last week.  I also ran on Tuesday evening after work!   Just getting out to run is a huge victory.   I did it...it was hard...but I put the time in!!!  It was real hard...but I know why....which is because of my next two sections!!!

Yoga

I decided to start doing yoga.   Or maybe I should say I am attempting to do yoga at this point!  Finding the time to do it requires that I wake up at 4:45.   But, so far this week I’m on a roll!!!

It is HARD!   The first day I was feeling good for about 10 minutes and then BAM...it was hard!   The second day was titled gentle and soothing....there was nothing gentle and soothing!   If that was gentle then I am scared!  

I can’t do some of the moves. Some of the moves make my legs quiver.  I sweat like crazy.  But I’m doing it...it can only get better right???  I know that my excess weight makes it so much harder!   But I’m really going to give this a full 30 day try.  While part of me dreads it...another part kind of relishes the muscle aches that I’m feeling and an even bigger part of me is super excited to see how I feel, look and move after 30 days!!!  

Squats

So I used to sit beside a team and a bunch of the gals on that team got up and did squats every hour.  Eventually their team disbanded (as did mine) and we all ended up on a new team together.  We started to do the squats back in February, but with the launch and the craziness that ensued, we stopped.  So yesterday I was minding my own business and I heard a ‘hey Maryfran’.  I turned and a cowoker said ‘we are starting squats again...wanna do them with us?’  (The guys do push ups)

Uh yeah!  I know that squats are good for me!  I also know that squats will REALLY help me on the bike as I learn to get my behind off the seat on my descents!   So starting at 9:30 I did 25 squats every hour.   7 times...(even though we start work at 8 it doesn’t start until 9:30).   So that was about 175 squats yesterday.  I say about because there were a few times I didn’t count and I KNOW I did more than my 25!  Plus...activity at my desk job is a good thing!  Which is ironic that it started yesterday because I had a video to upload last night...a video about staying active at a desk job!!!  (Feel free to watch it if you feel inclined...no biggie if you don’t though!!!  I’m happy to have you reading!)

So there you have it.  It is ugly the shape that I have allows my self to fall into!   But I AM making strides toward a better life!   I am taking the steps needed in this weight loss journey to lose weight and regain my fitness levels!   Seriously...I’m going to be kick add if I keep this stuff up!!!!

Choices: decisions that will bring success in my fitness levels

Every day we make choices. I would like to think that I make wise choices. But then again, I weigh just shy of 250 pounds so apparently I don’t always make wise choices. I am trying to change that. I was proud of some of the choices that I made this past weekend. While I am not happy with one of the choices I have come to make, I know that it is probably for the best.

Good choices over the weekend. In my last post, I wrote about my choice to not get the cookie at Jimmy John’s. I also wrote about my choice to not get the super high calorie, albeit tasty milkshake from a popular fast food chain. I was trying to break the barrier of that weekly rise of the scales  What am I talking about, I seem to have a pattern where my weight drops during  the work week… It’s very low during the weekend… And then it’s back up high again on Monday. I don’t like that pattern. So I made choices this week to try to break that pattern.While the choices that I did make were still not perfect (I made edible cookie dough for myself in a very small batch which was a much lower calorie count than the other options), I did not see my weight rise by the typical 3 pounds.   I am within a pound...so maybe a bit of a jump on the scales, but NOT the three pound jump!       I will take that as a successful choice.

I had that meltdown on the bike, while riding the trail of tears. I was four or five miles from the car. I had a choice to make. I could walk the bike out of the woods or I could ride out of the woods. I rode, I made a choice and I got back on that bike and I rode. I am very proud of that choice. I turned a failure into a success… OK maybe not a success but I at least kept the failure from not being absolute and complete. A good choice!

Sooo here comes the big choice that I have been contemplating!   I miss running.  I made a vow a few weeks back to start running again.  I meant it from the bottom of my heart.  The problem?  I am being pulled in two different directions.  I am riding my heart out on the weekends.  I come home decimated.   Ok, that’s a bit too over dramatic.   But I come home tired!   Running on top of that is just not wise or even really feasible.   I can do one but then the other suffers.  If I run in the morning my legs are already half dead by my bike ride and vice versus.  Sooo...I have had to come to a conclusion.   Right now, my focus is on riding. If there by chance is a day when no bike ride happens, well then I will go out for a run.  It won’t be a fast run or any great run.  In fact that day may be mostly walking.   In time when I start to feel amazing on the bike (or if we have to slow down the biking at any point for some unknown reason) I will THEN add running into the mix as a priority.  Right now however, I feel as if  I am spreading myself too thin if I try to conquer both of them at the same time.  .   I want to be successful at both but I will be only partially successful and it will take a lot longer if I try to split my time and focus.  That means that for me, right here and now, I need to focus on just one.   So biking it is!  It was a choice...and I’m prettty sure it is a good one. 

This doesn’t mean that I am giving up on the running.  NO!  Im just pushing that to the back burner.  If I have a day where I’m not on my bike when I should be, running it is.  I will enjoy the run and wait for the day when I can have the bike thing under control and be able to give running my all!   The bonus for when I start running?  My cardio fitness will be strong due to the riding, my legs will be strong due to the riding.  I will be one step ahead of the game.  But for now,  one thing  at a time as I make myself fit and strong!