Pushing to the Light at the End of the Tunnel

 The last few weeks have been difficult.  Oh my, have they been hard!   I haven't kept it a secret that we moved.  I have even talked about the sheer exhaustion.  What I haven't talked about is how bad it has been.  I guess I didn't want to admit how far I have slipped!    As bad as it has been, I have not given up and I have pushed through and I am FINALLY starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.....I think!

The Pain

A few weeks ago I wrote about my utter exhaustion from the combination of the move and the unfamiliar yard work upon my body.   What I didn't write about was the fact that I was in tears from the pain in my legs.   I would sit and contemplate moving because I knew as soon as I moved my body would be screaming in freakish agony at the absolute murdering pain in my muscles.   I couldn't sleep at night because the muscles in my body were literally vibrating with pain.  I'm telling you, I was in bad shape!  There were many nights I cried from the sheer 'torture' that I was putting my body through.   

Even as I sat in tears, I battled with embarrassment.  A few years back I was in amazing shape.  I was still overweight but I was in the best physical shape of my entire life.   It was absolutely nothing for me to wake up early on a Saturday morning.  I would go for a 3-5 mile run and then go home, grab some water and then head outside to push mow for about 45 minutes.   I would then go inside, eat breakfast, shower and shortly thereafter head out to go hiking with Jason....and we usually hiked between 7 and 12 miles (depending on where we hiked) and usually up some mountain. I would be tired, but I was never down and out.  I was never not able to sleep because of the muscle aches.  I was never in tears because of the pain.  I would wake up the next day anxious to head back into the mountain for the next hike!  

Pushing Through

I am not going to lie.  During these recent weeks I wanted to give up. I wanted to stop the madness that was causing me pain.  I wanted to throw up my hands and settle into my world of 'unfitness'.  I didn't want or need this misery!   I didn't though.     As bad as I felt, I kept going.   Tears and sleepless nights meant nothing.  The next day I headed back out the door to mow, to move, to water our new trees (the first weeks by carrying 5 gallon buckets to each tree) , to plant flowers, to clear brush.  I gritted my teeth and I kept going.   I CHOSE more difficult options on a regular basis.   Which push mower did I chose?  Do you want the self propelled mower or the standard one?   I consistently have used the mower that is NOT self propelled.  Wait until we have a wheel barrow to move that pile of rocks?  Nope, I can do it one at a time...by hand!  Good exercise you know.   Even though my body was screaming at me!  I didn't stop, but just kept going.    I won't sugar coat it though, I have never been so happy to know that it was a weekday where I would be working.   You see, work days were my 'recovery days'.   

I kept telling myself that there would come a moment where it would get easier.  There would come a moment where my body wouldn't ache in freakish misery when I worked out in the yard.  The day is getting closer and while it's not totally here, I can see just this weekend how much better my body is adjusting to this 'new life'.   We mowed yesterday.  We are currently push mowing our property....and it takes about 7-8 hours TOTAL.   We have two push mowers at the moment so I mow for about 4 hours.  We also cleared brush from a stand of trees.  (and got to add a cherry tree to our list of fruit bearing trees and plants!) and of course watered.  (I chose to carry the water to the outlying plants versus using the hose...more exercise right....still choosing the hardest option).    I can't say that I was ready to go out dancing last night.  My legs were tired.  But my legs were NOT aching with utter misery.  They were not vibrating and so sore that the pain kept me awake.  And there was definitely NO tears.  

I still have a way to go.  I want to get back to the point where I do not even have the 'tiredness'. in my legs.    I want to get back to the fitness level that I was at a short 6 or 7 years ago.  But I can see that I am on my way!  I am not giving up!   It may hurt, but that is only my body getting stronger!  And maybe, just maybe; since I'm not totally wiped out maybe I can add in some exercise through the week!

Weight Loss Efforts

My vows that I have made in recent posts about tracking food and whatnot have not been executed to the degree that needs to happen.  I have been  morecognizant of my eating. I have stopped the nightly sweet treats.  BUt I haven't been spot on.  I haven't tracked. So in essence I haven't really been working on my food intake all that much.  HOWEVER, I have managed to lose about 6-7 pounds since we moved!     I'll take it!  Now I just need to get serious and actually work on my food intake.  

The ups and downs of changing my life

Whew!    I have lots to report on my fitness levels this week! It seems as if each week is a revelation of how bad this really is along with some random moments (few and far between) of seeing progression.   But this journey of weight loss and toward fitness is not a race (however much I would like it to be) and I will increase my fitness levels and lose weight even it is seems as if it is at a snails pace!!

Weight Loss

So typical of the way my body has been working of late, my weight popped up at the beginning of the week....grrrr!   I’m trying to not think about it...I’m within that three pound ‘fluctuation’ that I’m ok with (barely...but that is normal also).  I know this happens. I also know that I had a really big week of loss last week so this week might not be spectacular!  It’s just frustrating!  But I’m eating right so I am trying to not stress about it!!

Mountain Biking

We only went out once this past week.   We typically park at the lower lot when we go to this area, which means that we have to ride about a mile or two on a fire road until we get to a trail head.   Sounds like a perfect warm up right?   Well, right out of the gate there is an incline!   It has kicked both of us every time we go!  But...this past weekend I was just rolling up the hill and I was thinking, “Dare I say out loud that this is kind of easy?”   I did start breathing a bit more heavily for the last bit of the hill...but it was not too bad...nowhere near the typical freight train breathing that I have displayed every other time.  I was quiet about my revelation until Jason remarked that he handled the hill much better than before, he didn’t even get out of breath!   Progress for both of us!  

Running

I ran a few times last week.  I also ran on Tuesday evening after work!   Just getting out to run is a huge victory.   I did it...it was hard...but I put the time in!!!  It was real hard...but I know why....which is because of my next two sections!!!

Yoga

I decided to start doing yoga.   Or maybe I should say I am attempting to do yoga at this point!  Finding the time to do it requires that I wake up at 4:45.   But, so far this week I’m on a roll!!!

It is HARD!   The first day I was feeling good for about 10 minutes and then BAM...it was hard!   The second day was titled gentle and soothing....there was nothing gentle and soothing!   If that was gentle then I am scared!  

I can’t do some of the moves. Some of the moves make my legs quiver.  I sweat like crazy.  But I’m doing it...it can only get better right???  I know that my excess weight makes it so much harder!   But I’m really going to give this a full 30 day try.  While part of me dreads it...another part kind of relishes the muscle aches that I’m feeling and an even bigger part of me is super excited to see how I feel, look and move after 30 days!!!  

Squats

So I used to sit beside a team and a bunch of the gals on that team got up and did squats every hour.  Eventually their team disbanded (as did mine) and we all ended up on a new team together.  We started to do the squats back in February, but with the launch and the craziness that ensued, we stopped.  So yesterday I was minding my own business and I heard a ‘hey Maryfran’.  I turned and a cowoker said ‘we are starting squats again...wanna do them with us?’  (The guys do push ups)

Uh yeah!  I know that squats are good for me!  I also know that squats will REALLY help me on the bike as I learn to get my behind off the seat on my descents!   So starting at 9:30 I did 25 squats every hour.   7 times...(even though we start work at 8 it doesn’t start until 9:30).   So that was about 175 squats yesterday.  I say about because there were a few times I didn’t count and I KNOW I did more than my 25!  Plus...activity at my desk job is a good thing!  Which is ironic that it started yesterday because I had a video to upload last night...a video about staying active at a desk job!!!  (Feel free to watch it if you feel inclined...no biggie if you don’t though!!!  I’m happy to have you reading!)

So there you have it.  It is ugly the shape that I have allows my self to fall into!   But I AM making strides toward a better life!   I am taking the steps needed in this weight loss journey to lose weight and regain my fitness levels!   Seriously...I’m going to be kick add if I keep this stuff up!!!!