I'm surprised that I'm not eating everything under the sun. Why, because I'm stressed out about my job. But so far today, I've been a pretty good girl. I ate wisely...leaving me enough calories to actually be able to eat dinner and not being able to only eat vegetables or risk going over my calorie count. I walked on my breaks today...so that equaled to an hour of walking. AND, they left me go early from work...and I went to the gym. I didn't do a complete LONG workout at the gym. I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and 15 minutes on the weights. BUT, it was a start...and oh boy, let me tell you. The weights whoopped up on me today! It's been a bit and I can really tell!

Today

Today so far I've done pretty good. I think once I am back in the routine of actually notating my foods I'll do better. I was looking at my book today and I would write my foods on one day...but the next day would 'forget'. So nothing consistent. Honestly, one day I "forgot" because I was eating poor choices! I can't do that anymore. I NEED to do this consistently!

I dread going back to work because I hate my job. But, on the other hand, going back to work will force me back into a routine. I plan on walking on my breaks again like I was doing before and of course want to continue to go to the gym!

Still Struggling

Ok.......more than a week later and I'm still struggling. When I first started this, I was gung ho and didn't have any problems starting. I'm still gung ho, however I'm really struggling with getting back on track. I will say that in the last few days, I've started to eat healthier again....even if it is not where I want to be calorie and fat content wise, at least it's healthier.

I have to just do this!

Starting Again

Well let me tell you. Once you fall off the bandwagon, it isn't easy to pick it back up. I'm determined to do it though! I said this yesterday morning and just didn't do it. In fact, I was craving potato chips...and I'm almost too ashamed to say it...but ate the whole bag. NO, not an individual serving size...the WHOLE BIG bag of chips. Man, did they ever taste good...but I can't do that! I know it was a mental war within myself. I knew I shouldn't be eating the chips...but I was battling inside my head, "just one more". I would eat that one more...and already, before I could even close the bag, my mind was saying "only a handful more". I was no match for this mental game! I caved......oh boy did I cave!

Today, I'm not doing soo bad. The only problem is that since I've been eating the bad things....my body is wanting those bad things. I rarely suffer from cravings....but boy oh boy I'm suffering now!

But, I've got to regain my control and start again. I didn't make my end of month goal...and in fact lost a little ground over the last week (well, maybe not, I'm still within that, 'it's ok it could be water retention weight range).

I just need to use this week as a lesson to help me in future times of difficulty!

bad week

This was a bad week for my diet. On one hand I'm actually tickled that my weight has remained in the same range. BUT, this was a very stressful week, Todd and I were getting ready to go on vacation and stopped by to say goodbye to his mom. We found her in bed, delirious. APparently, the cancer in her bones was not only eating the bones, but releasing all that calcium into her bloodstream...causing delirium. From research and from what Hospice said, I knew that this was going to lead to her death. We cancelled our vaction and we started spendign 20 hours out of the day over there. It was a rough week. When we did find time to eat, it was really bad food. We live in the country...restaurants are not plentiful so we ate where we could catch a bite. AND to make matters worse, even when we were at home, there was no food....remember we were leaving for vacation so we had no food at the house...ok we had food but the basics that you need to prepare that food was/is missing. So, eating bad and exhaustion was my week. I didn't drink my water like I should be doing. Last night was the first night I slept in my bed, she passed yesterday and I weighed myself this morning. I was sad to see 2 pounds up...but tickled because that could really be water retention or something......it could have been a lot worse! But what an interesting lesson to see what happens when things get bad in my life.

End of Month Goal

I set up small mini goals for the end of each month. I knew that some months I probably wouldn't reach the goal, but it is giving me something to strive for. So, for the month of March, I have my goal set. Well, I knew that we were leaving for vacation the evening of March 27th. I will not be weighing myself while I am away. (OK, I'll be weighing myself...but no official weight recorded as I will be utilizing different scales). So I knew in my head that I may not even know if I reached my goal. WELL...I'm happy because I am three pounds from the goal. I know that I have only really 3 days left at home....and that is near impossible to lose a pound a day but, I am happy that I am that close! :-)

Slowly

After sitting at a dead stand still with my weight, I am finally starting to see the weight drop. Ever so slowly, but it the weight is dropping! For the last like 4 days, I've been down. None of this hectic all over the scales weight going on!

Todd and I are leaving for vacation in a week. I am trying to make plans to be as active as possible. I don't want to stall my weight again! Realistically, I would like to come home from vacation, weigh myself and find that I have maintained my weight while I was out there. I am debating on if I want to try to go withoug weighing myself the whole time I am out there. My fear is, if I do that, I will come home and find I have gained weight...... HOWEVER, my GOAL is to actually lose while I am on vacation. Like I said, we are planning a more active vacation this year. We are planning on walking, and we are trying to get into a gym out there for the two weeks, and we are debating taking our bikes (depends on the weather forecast), etc etc etc.

I am so ready for vacation. Just to get away from it all and relax!

Waiting

Waiting. That is what I am doing. I'm trying not to be disappointed about the fact that I am sitting at the same weight! TRYING....but if I am honest with myself, I would admit that I'm getting disgusted. No, I am in no way quitting this. I am more determined then ever to see this to the end. I'm GOING to do it! I KNOW that if I continue on this path...watching carefully what I eat and working out at the pace that I am working out at...that the weight will eventually drop. The only bright light is that I AM seeing my clothes fitting better... and looser!

Great Workout

Well, first of all....got on the scales today and found that I was 1 pound heavier than yesterday. Now that can be water. So I'm not stressing. However, unless I do a massive drop like I did the other week, I'm not going to make my end of month goal. I'm not stressin' over it though. Slow and easy is the ONLY way to do this in order for it to be a 'life' altering experience. My goal of 2 pounds a week...is pretty bold...but managable...AND healthy! I'm still pretty much on target...even with having sat for the last few weeks without moving the scales!

OK....my workout! Yesterday we went to the gym. I started on the elliptical trainer. I was on it and even though I wasn't exactly lazing, I decided that I was going to push it up a notch. Every five minutes I reversed it for one minute before going back to foward. Reverse just about kills me...so this was pushing me. I felt VERY good when I got off the elliptical. I then went and did the weights...I pushed my weights up a notch....5-10 pounds more in some cases. Just enough to REALLY feel the burn! :-) So today we went back to the gym. I did the treadmill today......I pushed my speed up to the point where I could walk but just barely....and every five minutes I pushed it up to a point that it was either jog or fall off the back of the treadmill. My lungs were sucking in air for that minute before I pushed it back down. SO....I did like 8 total minutes jogging out of 45. May not seem like much....but it is monumental for me. I haven't run anywhere for YEARS!

Dissapointment

Well..... After my wonderful news from last week, yeah that big weight loss, my week turned sour in the diet department! The next day I woke up and jumped on the scales....excited! I didn't expect to lose anymore...but hey, I'm addicted to the scales. Low and behold, I was like right back where I was the two days previously. I swallowed deeply and waited for the next day......I was even five pounds heavier. I was now back to 15 pounds heavier than my wonderful day on Tuesday! I tried to not let myself get disappointed. After all, the monthly 'ick' was expected to arrive late in the week. It was a long week. I don't allow myself to weigh in more than once a day. Each day roughly the same.....hovering around 232-235. Then the ick arrived and it slowly has started to receed. This morning I was down to 228.

This is so hard for someone that really wants things to be done ten minutes ago. What a lesson in patience!

Meanwhile, within the last week or so I had a revelation. Why eat something that doesn't taste REALLY good? Wait and eat something that tastes spectacular! Why do I shove food down if it isn't the greatest? Todd and I were out, eating at a salad bar (HOss's). I was getting my salad (healthily I might add....salad dressing on the side...to dip and low on the cheese and other fatty substances). Well, I saw they had Mac and cheese.....yum. SoOOOOOO I decided to get just a half cup. I figured that would be roughly 200 calaries. A Lot, but I decided to make the adjustments and manage my food intake to allow for it. (Ok, that was a revalation in itself!) So, I get the mac and cheese back to the table and couldn't wait to dig into my 'treat'. I took one bite. Now don't get me wrong, the mac and cheese wasn't bad. However it wasn't GREAT. And suddenly I decided that it wasn't worth cutting other things out in order to have that mac and cheese. I would rather manage and cut corners in order to have something SPECTACULAR!

That combined with my revalation from a few years back....the concept of only eating what I am hungry for and ignoring those messages that my body is sending saying that I have to eat it all...because I may never get it again. I WILL eat the good stuff again.....and I learned that I enjoy it ever so much more if I don't shovel so much in!

BIG LOSS

OK, yesterday I got on the scales and was roughly 229-230. Today, I get on the scales I and my first weight was 219. YES, I about fell of the scales. I got off and jumped back on...sure that there was a mistake. It weighed me the same. Off....on...off on. It was dead on (ok, I don't have the most expensive scales.....but still not dollar store variety...paid about 60 for them...so actually it was like one time it was 220 the next time 219. Back and forth). Todd told me not to look a gift horse in the mouth. :-) I think it is due to the fact that I was stalled in February.....REALLY stalled. I was eating ultra healthy and exercising daily. The only thing that I had stopped doing was drinking my water. When I got sick I fell off the bandwagon and never jumped back on. Well about a week or so ago, I started drinking TONS again. The only thing I can think of is, my body is now used to and expects to get that 64 plus ounces of water so it is not retaining as much water. In essence, it's not afraid that it is going to dehydrate because I am giving it plenty of fluids. So all I can think of is that my body finished shucking that extra water weight! I went through all Feb. with no weight loss (well, i would lose it and then gain that pound back the next day). Then all of a sudden it dropped!

Wooo hooo!

Mistake

Today Todd and I went out to lunch. I was perusing the menu, looking for a healthy option. I decided on the vegetable platter. I was just starting to look at the options of veggies when the waitress came. Todd ordered and I was forced to make my decision right then and there. I ordered mashed potatoes (bad bad bad), pickled beets (good choice), a side salad (dressing on the side.....good choice), it came with a roll (looking not so good) and OUCH...I don't even want to say it.....mac and cheese. It was sooo yummy going down. BUT then I came home and did my calculations. I am watching calories. OUCH. I only had a bowl of special K this morning....with just a tad of milk (I don't like milk)....and when I added lunch....ouch, I have only like 200 calories for the rest of the day. I didn't realize this until about 2PM when I started to feel hungry (yep...). So I hurried over to calculate.....that way I could judge my snack. Hmmmm...not good. I guess a salad is my friend for dinner tonight!

Water Debate

Ok.....so my weight stalled. Is this teetering weight thing really my water retention or something bigger. I chanced on an article......don't ask me where, saying that if we are not getting our correct amount of water intake (that would be the 64 ounces) that we may be actually retaining more water. Kinda weird...drink more to retain less. I really need to check this out. I know before I got sick, I was drinking up a storm....and while I was sick I struggled with drinking. After my bout with the flu, I continued to struggle with drinking the proper amounts of water. Worth checking out...or at least trying!

Meanwhile, I don't think I am going to make my target of 229 pounds by the end of February. I'm not upset....disappointed maybe. But all is not lost. I'm only a few pounds off that target.....and I am still on target for my big goal....those few pounds that I am off (like 3-5 pounds off) only take my 'need to lose each week' from 1.99 pounds to 2.04 NOT bad! PLUS...this month aint over yet! I plan on using those three days to my advantage!

Plodding along

I feel as if I am plodding along. I'm still following my plan. Exercising regularly. Eating healthy. However, I feel as if I am going so slow. Yes, I'm a here and now girl, so this is a struggle! I just want this to be done. Yes, I know I'll have to watch this the rest of my life....but I want this losing thing to be over. I wonder daily what I will actually look like when I get down to my goal weight...down to a healthy weight. I have never been an adult at a healthy weight! Everyone says I looked real good when I graduated college...and I was 214. But I want to go roughly 50 pounds more...give or take! It's a mystery that is just killing me!

Still weighing myself

Ok, even though I know I fluctuate, I am still weighing myself pretty much everyday! Only once a day....if I remember. :-) I am happy to announce that I am starting to go down again. I am back in the saddle again and working toward this goal. My short term goal is to be at 228 by the end of February. I'm not sure I'm going to make it...but it will be close if I don't. I am at 231 today....which means 3 pounds in the next ten days. Doable? Yes. Close? Yes. Will I be disappointed if I don't make it? Yes. Will I give up? NO! Being around 228-229 at the end of February keeps me in line to reach my target by my birthday. Actually, that would have me at reaching my target in November......but I want to give myself a little leeway........ I'm determined to do it. :-)

Inches.....not pounds

Well, the last few weeks have been a struggle. I see my weight drop and then jump right back up. It seems as if I have lost the same few pounds over and over. I have looked back at my food logs and I have not cheated on the days that I saw a rise...or starved myself on the days that I saw a dip....I'm just flucuating 5 pounds different from day to day. I talked to my husband and he said that because we are so big, that our fluid retention will do that...and that when he lost 150 pounds a few years ago...until he dropped down he flucuated 5-10 pounds daily....arrggghh. He said that for him at about 210 down, the scales were more true for him. I plan on researching this tonight to see if he was feeding me a line!

On a good note....I actually measured myself......it has been about a month since I last did it. I have quite a few inches. If I actually add them all together....like 7 inches. Woo hooo!

I'm really not to tempted to eat bad things. Which I find really cool.....I only wish that I could snap my fingers and have this done. I guess though that I am training my body how to proceed so that when I lose it I can maintain the loss!

Well Again

This past week has been rough. Today, 8 days after the flu hit, is probably the first day that I haven't felt sick at all (thus far). We actually went to the gym and did a light workout yesterday. It felt good. However, I know I didn't work out to my full potential. BUT.....I got my feet wet and got back into it.

We got about a foot of snow last night. Today when Todd and I went out to shovel, we realized how much more in shape we are....after only one month of working out. We didn't get winded or overheated. We didn't have to stop and rest every couple shovels of snow (and it was a wet heavy snow today). It was a good thing to see.

My weight has been all over the board. The day before we got sick, I was down to 235. I was tickled! Then the next day I was back up at 240. I didn't eat much the first couple days and dropped back to 235. I went back up to 240 toward the middle of the week...and then started dipping again. Then yesterday, I was right back up there. ARRGGGHHH

Injury

Well, I have been religious about goign to the gym and/or doing cardio at home. BUT about a week ago, I noticed this unnatural bump on my foot...hard....hurts when touched...REALLY hurts when pressed....right on the top of my foot. So, I think I will probably have to head to the doctor. Although right now it isn't too bad. WHen it first happened, I switched from the treadmill to an elliptical trainer (lower impact) and it seemed to help...(I at least didn't notice it all that much) THEN on Friday, I really noticed it again (coincidence that I was on the treadmill for my 10 minute warm up?...hmmm) It seems to have gone down over the weekend. BUT, I don't want to injure myself...the point is HEALTH......lol

BUT honestly, I feel that even if the doctor prescribes me to stay off my foot, I will probably still work out....trying to take it easy on that foot. I am so determined to do this this year.

Cravings

I am just wanting to gorge myself on food. No particular craving. I'm just soo hungry. I don't suffer from cravings...however, I do just get incredibly hungry at 'that time of the month. I'm fighting it though.

I'm concerned about my foot. I have a hard knot sitting ontop of my foot...it hurts when it is touched and even more so when something applies pressure to it. I am going to make an appointment with the doctor. I'm afraid they will say stop exercising...which for me right now isn't an option!

Worked out lightly today, only because I gave myself a rip roaring workout yesterday! Yes, I'm sore today! :-) (sore is a good feeling....means I'm doing something).

After we worked out today we went to Hoss's. I got the salad bar but stumbled with it came to the cake. I got a piece and enjoyed every bite. Part of me feels bad because that was totally useless calories. The other part doesn't feel bad, last night I struggled so much with getting a late night snack....and perservered. No, I know I can't reward myself for every 'triumph'. But if I want to do this forever, then I need to allow myself to be human every once in a while.