It's all in my head!

Last night I got home from work and made dinner. I made Southwestern Chicken. We sat down to eat and I took a bite. Ohhh it was a good batch! I took a second bite. Heaven! And that is when it started. It, you may ask? Yes, that is when I started thinking about possibly eating a second helping! I sat there chewing that second bite of food and I rationalized that second serving. Normally on this dish the second serving is Todd's lunch for the next day. But I was thinking, "ohhh what does it matter, there is plenty of food for him for lunch....he doesn't need to have this for lunch" And then it hit me.

Oh my word, I'm not even fully finished my second bite of dinner and I'm already thinking about a second serving? There is no way I'm predicting what I'll feel like after I eat my original serving! I'm just saying this because I can....because I know that if I wanted it, that there is a second serving on the counter. I'm just thinking about a second serving because this meal is so tasty and good that I to want to bask in the goodness. And of course the longer I eat, the longer I can bask!

My mind immediately went to my post that I had written here only hours earlier. I thought about the fact that 1/2 cup of ice cream satisfied just as much as 2 cups. And I realized that I was not going to enjoy a second serving any more than I would be enjoying the first serving. AND I realized once again that my desire for food is not based on hunger or my physical needs, it's totally based on my thought processes!

Like a true addict, I started to eat something. I had that first 'sip' that first 'hit' and I wanted more. I was quickly losing control.....simply because it tasted so good...I wanted to prolong and experience that good feeling.

I ate my third bite and my mind was whirling freakishly fast. But through it all I realized. Yes, this meal is quite tasty.....but it's not as if I can't make it anytime I want it. It's a meal that I usually have the makings for in the house ('tis a great meal because other than normal staples such as flour, milk and eggs....all you need is a small can of green chilies, a can of corn and some chicken breast......and since I always have tons of chicken breast here, it's literally two cans that I have to have...so it's something that I consider a staple and it's relatively healthy!)....I could make it the next day if I wanted it again. It's not as if this was the only chance I'd have this lifetime.....this year...or even this month to eat this food.

At that point, I was determined to NOT have a second helping...no matter what. I ate dainty bites of food and savored each bite of that really good plate of food! I stopped at the end, ate my fruit for my dessert. And do you know what........it really was the truth...I was completely satisfied!

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After dinner Todd and I went grocery shopping. I just for some reason didn't feel like going by myself this weekend...so we went last night. We got home at around 9 or so and I was running around the kitchen putting the food away. Todd had picked up a bag of the baked Doritos for himself. Now I know me. I eat one...and I just can't stop. So when he ripped open the bag I ignored him. He ate one and took another one out and literally put it up to my mouth. I kept my lips firmly closed! I knew that if I ate one, that would be the end of it. I would keep eating that night until somehow I gained control and then I also knew that it would spark me to want to eat more today..and tomorrow....until there were no more (and then I'd want to buy more).

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My weight is still up a bit (down .4 from yesterday though). I really do think that it has something to do with the stomach issues I've been having. I have a friend that has something similar (she's also a weight watcher) and she is experiencing the same little 1-2 pound gain. Go figure!

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After I get off work today at noon, I'm planning on going home and eating lunch. After lunch, the plan is to go up to the gym and do at least 60 minutes cardio. I'll then come home and clean the house (more activity)...Then I will allow myself to sit back, relax and do something fun. (read or watch a movie or whatever....until it's time to make dinner for Todd and I....and it's a late dinner as he doesn't get off of work until 8PM)

Well well well.....things are progressing along. Ploddingly I should say. I've battling some kind of stomach bug. Nothing bad enough to keep me out of work...but just enough to make me queasy and cause food to travel directly through my body! (yikes)



I was thinking this morning in the shower. (yeah, I know....scary thought...mf thinking!) I was actually thinking about an message that I read on the weight watchers boards the other day. The person was talking about their 'little' victory. They wrote that they ate icecream. They measured it out and only ate the 1/2 cup serving instead of their old serving size of 2 cups (or more). AND they were totally satisfied with the 1/2 cup. Well, first of all, that is not a 'little' victory. That is absolutely huge!!! But this morning it got me to thinking. I eat food and want the big portions totally out of habit. That 1/2 cup serving will satisfy the desire for ice cream the same way that 2 cups will do. You only need 1/2 cup to take care of the issue. Ok, so my thought processes are simple in the morning...hey what do you expect....it was dark outside and I was in the shower!



Thought I would add a few more to my list of things that I'm thankful for....



*Being able to sit in a booth at a restaurant (I'm now shocked at how big and roomy they are!)

*being able to have my husbands arms comfortable go around me! That was another deep thought I had this morning. The alarm went off and I just didn't want to get out of bed. I curled up behind my husband put my arms around him. At this I've lost over 100 pounds and he's lost about 80. I was able to comfortably put my arms around him!!! Yeah, we were able to hug each other before but weighing a combined 600 plus pounds well, we were lucky when our arms went the whole way around.

*well, I could say something like, 'we both fit in the shower together now'...but that would be way too much information! ROFL! (NOOOOOOOO He was still in bed when I left for work.....so no shared shower this morning!)

My weight is a little up today...I'm not sure why. I'm not going to worry about it though. I've been totally on target with what I've been eating AND I've actually kicked butt during my last two workouts (yesterday and today).



I'm starting to 'train' and make sure that I'm riding my bike as I'm seriously contemplating joining Donna as she makes her first bike ride event! Yep, it would be my first event also. I've always said that I wanted to do this.....what a great way to start! So yes, very seriously contemplating...serious enough that I've already requested the day before and the day after off from work....they know it's tentative...but it's in the schedule. Todd and i have talked and if we do it, we will sandwich the day of the ride in the middle of a small mini vacation. We'll see. :-)



Today just thought I would make small list of things that I used to take for granted as normal but have since realized was not normal at all!



1. Having a towel that can wrap the whole way around me when I get out of the shower (those big bath sheets were also too small at one point).

2. Being able to walk into ANY store at the mall and find something that is in my size.

3. Not having to worry at an amusement park....I used to worry that I would be too big for rides...and actually wasn't able to ride some because of my size! (admittedly when we went to an amusement park this past summer, I still caught myself worrying about it.....and had to keep telling myself that I was of NORMAL weight and would fit into ANYTHING!)

4. having stomach aches constantly (well, today is an exception...I've been feeling icky all afternoon....and all yesterday afternoon as well)

5. being so big that my stomach over lapped my pants, causing my stomach to rub against the buttons on my pants....which resulted in huge sores on my stomach. I got to the point that I was buying huge band aids (those really big ones) and coating my stomach so that it wouldn't rub my skin raw!





The list goes on and on!!!!!

Weight watcher meeting??? What's that?????? Well, it is what I attended this morning. The news. Well, when I weighed myself at home I wanted to scream...my weight was up a bit. BUT, I still went. I weighed in at 197.4. It could have been a whole lot worse!

That's pretty much all I have to report. I'm determined to work my butt off and get the weight off.

Weighed myself today. (I didn't yesterday as i knew that it would be up because I had popcorn...with salt and a diet soda the night before...recipe for water retention!). 196.8. Going down!!!! Woo hooo!

I'm going to a weight watcher meeting tomorrow morning! According to this mornings weight, I'll show something very close to a maintain since my last weigh in! That really makes me happy! (I'm within about a pound....if the scales are true).

Nothing much happening. I'm eating healthy...but I will admit that I'm struggling. I want to eat and keep eating. I'm resisiting and doing my best to get it back under control!

Exercise....I've exercised 5 of the last 6 days! I'm very proud of myself. I will say that my legs felt like jelly after the gym yesterday! Back to the gym tomorrow for another go at it! Yeah, I've always read that you shouldn't work out before weighing in...hmmmmm. Oh well...that's how it's going to work into my schedule. I'll probably do something not as intense at the gym. We'll have to see.

The cat or healthy exercise?

Yes, that was my choice this morning. I set the alarm to get up an hour earlier than I needed to (I worked this Saturday morning...story of my life) in order to have time to get a bit of exercise in. The alarm went off. I hit the snooze button, rare for me to do in the first place. I fell back asleep and actually started to DREAM in that 9 minutes! It went off again. I got up and went to the bathroom and then stumbled toward the exercise bike. Lucy (the cat) was laying on the seat of the bike just sleeping away. SOUND asleep. Well, I couldn't interrupt her beauty sleep could I? So I went back to sleep and slept for that hour. Yep, fell right back to sleep and deep enough to actually be dreaming. Hmmm...maybe I needed my sleep! I'm not tooo worried. Todd and I have talked about either hiking or going to the gym this afternoon. This morning was just going to be an 'insurance' against the chance that we don't exercise later today. And if we ended up exercising....a double workout.

Ok....the big decision. As I've said, I'm having difficulty finding and getting to a weight watcher meeting. I've decided that I'm going to try to make whatever meeting I chose to attend regularly...be one that is at the beginning of the week. That way I have more chances to get my butt to an alternate meeting if anything happens that keeps me from going to my 'regular' one. The problem is that there isn't any one meeting now that I can definitely get to. My schedule changes at work ...and there are now no meetings that run outside of my work hours! Sooo that is the plan. AND, I'm going to a meeting come hell or high water this upcoming week!!!!! I've GOT to!

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

A week or so ago, I sat down and started to think about my goals for the new year. I've added one more but here they are!

1. I will get myself back to my doctors approved weight watcher weight. That is roughly 20 pounds (yeah, stop gasping...I've gained 20 pounds since mid august!)
2. Continue to keep the business books up to date and not procrastinate (I've done pretty good this year...but in years past...eii yiii yiii)
3. Exercise at least 4 hours each week. That is 4 hours a week or 16 hours a month or 208 hours a year. Wow...when I think of that it really isn't that bad sounding. :-)
4. Try one new recipe a week. Yes, some weeks may not have one...some will have two or three. But at the end of the year, I'd like to have at least 52 new recipes. I get really good about trying new recipes and cooking ideas...but after a month or two, I stop and go back to the tried and true recipes/meals.
5. Religiously take my multi-vitamin (and calcium) pill!

I've made a pretty good start. The other week (Christmas day or there abouts....when I first started thinking about my goals), my weight had crept up to 201.8 pounds. As of this morning it's down to 197.6 That's pretty substantial! I've actually tried out 3 new recipes this past week! Exercise.....I started up on Monday...and I've ridden the exercise bike each day for between 30 to 60 minutes each day! As for the multivitamin....well I thought about it at dinner last night and didn't get up at that point...and promptly forgot about it. And I'm thinking about it right now...at work....so I can't take 'em now! But I will start that!!!

Today at work I'm going to sit down and really look at my schedule and think about a ww meeting. I was thinking Friday morning 9AM meeting would work...it would be tight, but it could possibly work (as long as the meeting didn't run over...or traffic was not bad....or whatever as I would need to be at work a short time after the meeting was to end). BUT upon a few weeks of saying I was going to get to the Friday morning meeting and I've realized that Fridays are usually a long day for me at work.......and the thought of tacking on two more hours (1/2 hour drive in, 1/2 hour drive back, 1/2 hour meeting, 1/2 hour pre meeting-weigh in time) just made me want to cry each week. If it's the only thing that will work, then I guess I'll have to do it. However, my schedule is changing in a week or two and I may be able to work something else out. I have to see! One thing I know.....I NEED to get back to meetings! Accountability! In the meantime...I'm DETERMINED to get back to 195 before I go to whatever meeting I end up going to this upcoming week. (probably Tuesday morning) That is what i weighed last time i was at a meeting!! Yeah, if I don't get there, I won't be upset...because I know how bad it really got and how much I've worked to get it down to where it is today. (4.2 pound down in fact) But it's still the goal that I have set for myself!

The easy part of this journey raises it's ugly head

It's easy. SOOOOO easy to be strong and make vows to yourself, such as; "I will never be over 200 pounds again." It's easy to stand back and say, "Well, I journal and when my allotment of calories/points for the day is gone....I'm done. Period, end of story." It's great to be able to stand back and say, "I have no cravings" Or, "this journey has been the most fabulous and amazing journey." Or even, "I haven't struggled at all." I know...I've made these comments to myself over and over throughout this journey. They are usually made in the thick of a wonderful strong period of the journey, when all is going well. Eating seems a breeze, exercise...while maybe not loved, is happening daily...and the pounds are just melting off my frame. I'm forever grateful to those periods. Those periods of 'healthy living zen' are what have gotten me this far. Sometimes the 'zen' lasts months. Sometimes it lasts only a day. I strive to reach that pinnacle of healthy living each and every day.

I've come further than than I ever even dreamed possible. At one point in this journey I thought that I would be happy and call it quits at 220 pounds. I surpassed that mark and broke the two-hundred pound barrier. I made it into the one hundreds and I was tickled. As the numbers on the scale creeped lower and lower, and consequentially further away from the dreaded two-ohh ohh I made a vow. I boldly and openly vowed and declared that, "I will NEVER again see a two as the first number of my weight. I will never again be 200 pounds or above." The weight loss started to slow down....I made it into the upper 170's (for a few days) but stalled at right around 180 pounds. I stayed there...stuck between 180 and 185. But after months of that, the weight started to rise. 188, 189, ohhhh no, back into the 190's . 192 and 195 came and went. It progressed. Inside I was panicked. I was getting closer to that big bad number. Ohhh I celebrated when I saw it the first time....but to see it again would NOT be a celebration. About a week ago it happened. 201.8 glared up at me from the display on those scales.

I was not happy! I wanted to cry! How in the world could this happen. I had vowed to never see that number again, yet there it was! I promised myself and I broke that promise!

And that is the point of my whole post today. It's sooo easy to stand up and make vows and declarations about how well I'm doing. How easy it is. And how I will NEVER return to what I was. But I needed to learn a lesson. The lesson? As easy as it is to make all those remarks. It's ohhh so ever much easier to lose control and spiral out of control. In the blink of an eye, you are at a Y in the path. If you are not paying attention, you chose the wrong path and once on that wrong path.....it's hard to find your way back to the correct path! Luckily, I have realized that I chose the wrong path and have gotten helplessly lost after only 20 pounds. But what if I hadn't hit that big bad number which made me sit back and yes, freak out? Would it have been 40 pounds? 60? Would I have put back on the whole 120 pounds instead of just 20?

I'm addicted to food. Just because I'm in a thiner me doesn't take away the issue. I got a little of my drug of choice, food; and I couldn't stop. I think I needed to see how quickly it can, does and will spiral out of control. I hope by writing this post that it will help me remember in months and years to come, but also those of you who read it. Even if you are going strong now...please please please remember and learn from my mistakes!!!!

This morning....exercised 45 minutes and more importantly.....199.8

Goodbye flex points!

Ahhhhh a quiet morning here at work. Oops...afternoon now (12 minutes into the afternoon to be exact!)

I really don't have too much to say. I am coming to a conclusion to a test that I have been conducting. Right around the beginning/middle of November I was talking to a weight watcher buddy. And we were talking about how I had never been really able to eat my flex points. It seems as if anytime I eat them, I gain...or maintain on a few rare occaisions. Well, we were talking and I was lamenting this fact. We concocted a scheme in which I try to eat my flex points each week. And not just judge it on a single week or two. Try it for at least a month. I did. I do not like the results. Yeah, I've indulged here and there......but for the most part, I've been withing my points allowance (if I include those flex points). SOOOOO with a sad heart, I'm going to try to knuckle back down to the daily points and ignore those wonderful flex points. I will miss those 35 flex points!

I was reading a blog this morning (katschi) and I picked up on a line that she wrote. It was 'Make yourself proud of the choices you make today" That got me thinking about how when I am totally in control and make really healthy choices, I feel so proud and on top of the world! All of a sudden I started to think. Ok, so I'm trading that food 'high' for a prideful 'high'. That seems to be a pretty good tradeoff. Now to just continue to implement it!

Ok ok ok ok. Let me talk about weight. As we know, I started my 6 week challenge earlier this week. I was so good. And then I weighed myself (either Christmas Eve or Christmas morning) and yikes, my weight was 200.4! I ate healthy. I exercised but my weight was up. No excuses though. I looked at my journal. Could see really nothing out of whack, so just chalked it up to this bumpy ride and vowed to continue on. Well, of course Christmas day while much better than previous years was not the greatest eating wise.....I ignored the scales yesterday and vowed that today I would own up to the 'badness'. 201.8. YIKES! But that is my figure. It's going DOWN from here!

The morning after pill!

Ohh if only there was a morning after diet pill! :-)

I am doing ok with eating thus far today. I am working a long day, so I was up early and ate some cereal before packing my lunch for work. Yesterday when I was preparing Christmas dinner I purposefully fixed tons extra vegetables than we needed. Why? So I would have leftovers! So into my lunchbox for today....green beans, corn, sauerkraut, fruit salad and a wasa cracker. I'm so on track! Oh wait, I did throw in a treat. I grabbed a jello rice pudding / tapioca (can't remember which) thing....so a little sweetness, but not a lot of calories! I'm doing ok. No, I didn't exercise today. But I plan on starting SOON!

So this morning I logged on and started reading the new blog entries. I got to this one and I was so moved. It is about the christmas binge. Seashore writes that she indulged in the holiday food. BUT, she was honest with herself and actually tracked everything that she ate. NOW, I have to be honest. I track my food. My food journal is on the bar in the kitchen (in it's own little handy dandy tin to keep it from getting lost on those days when the bar gets piled high with junk...yeah those days/weeks). I enter everything. BUt I have to be honest...yesterday I started tracking. I got as far as cereal----3 points and then at the end of the day I simply wrote on the page Christmas with a smiley face beside it. I read this post and stopped dead. I wanted...no I needed to see where I stood....so here it is. (thank goodness for that christmas pass for the challenge!)

Breakfast- cereal - 3 points
Lunch- Mom's stuffing-15 points (estimate...probably low)
corn- 2 points
green beans- 0 points
baked beans- 3 points
jello cake- 5 points (thank heavens a healthy version)
sauerkraut- 0 points
Dinner roll- 4 points
Small amount of promise butter- 0 points
Sweet potatoes- 5 points
Fruit salad- 2 points
Small slice of pumpkin bread- 4 points
Ginger bread cookie- 3 points
Dinner- Turkey salad - 4 points (made as healthy as possible)
Natures Own bread- 1 point
Jello cake - 5 points

We are talking 53 points. Yes, my points are estimates while I sit here at work. But At least I faced up to it! Next thing to face up to...the scales! :-)

Christams day reporting

Day 3 of 42

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Ok, I totally used my 'free day' pass today. I went REALLY heavy on veggies thought at our big meal! The bad stuff.....stuffing. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my mom's stuffing/dressing (I asked her to bring it to the meal). I really only get it twice a year. Once at Thanksgiving and once at Christmas. I indulged today. Lets see I had one dinner roll. I had a piece of pumpkin bread and a piece of jello cake. Really the stuffing is the bad stuff. Some of the veggies were more starchy 'bad' ones....corn and sweet potatoes. (because I had the sweet potatoes, I didn't touch the mashed potatoes).

I'm feeling stuffed though.

After we ate, I cleaned everything up. It was easier to put everything into the fridge. But after everyone left and it was just my husband and myself, I did something that was VERY difficult for me. I threw out the leftover dressing/stuffing. Dumped it! Why???? Well, as I stated earlier, I love my mom's stuffing and I would have LOVED to have eaten the leftovers. But would that have been the wisest thing for me to eat? NO! Unequivicably no! So I got rid of it! While I was doing that I also looked at what was left of the jello cake. There was quite a bit left. I cut out one more piece for me and put it on a plate. I asked my husband if he wanted some (he said no..that he wanted the rum cake that was left here....I'm not as tempted by that). SOOOOOOOO I dumped that cake into the garbage also! Got a cake server and served that yummy delicious cake right into the garbage can! Yes, that cake is low fat, light, whatever you want to call it. BUT it is a huge temptation for me. And if I would eat piece after piece of the cake, then it no longer is a wise choice.

So, I got rid of the temptation items. Straight into the garbage can they went! I'm ready to move on and get this weight loss show back on the right track!

The 6 week challenge begins!

1 of 42 (days of the 6 week challenge that is) So far so good. I'll have to be careful when I come home from work tonight as I tend to do poorly when I'm home alone in the evening 'fending for myself' in the kitchen. Yes, for some reason when I'm making a meal for my husband and I, I tend to do ok. But when I'm alone...eii yii yii, I just keep eating and eating! Plus tonight (or maybe tomorrow morning, I'll be doing a bit of baking). I can do this. I am sooo not going to mess up on day one!

Ohh yes, and in other news. I actually exercised this morning. 55 minutes on the exercise bike. Let me tell you...this is I think only the second time I've exercised since thanksgiving! (family visiting, crappy sickness, vacation eiii yii yiii.....only the sickness would have been a valid reason not to exercise). Onward and upward!

challenge

Read in Katschi's blog today that she is challenging herself. This is something that she wrote...

"I'm recommitting myself to strictness for the next 6 weeks while I'm off work. I think it builds character and I'm very curious to see how that kind of dedication pays off in weight loss results. Would you like to do this challenge with me? TOTAL commitment with NO EXCUSES accepted!!! The Boy is able to do this when he's in training mode. I so admire this strength of mind and would like to develop it in myself." It's informal ~ you're accountable only to yourself. If you're interested in pushing past your present limits you've set for yourself, I'd love to have you along for the ride.Ok, since it's the season, I'm giving a pass for Christmas Day and New Year's Eve but THAT'S IT!!! Even on those 2 days though, try and restrain yourself :)"

Sounds like a good plan to me....and since I'm trying to turn my 'trend' around.....perfect!

Fear

Yes, I was quite fearful to get on the scales. On Friday morning I weighed in at 198.6. I ate way too much food on Friday at that work Christmas party. (tis ok...it helped me get some things into perspective). But I was really nervous to step on those scales to see what the damage was. I knew I was going to be up. And I didn't have much wiggle room before I tipped the scales over that 200 mark. Quite nervous! But this morning I did it.....and the grand total was 197.4. WHEW! Moving down!!!

I have been doing much better the last few days. I will not lie and say that I am 100% on plan. I am eating within my points, but I feel as if I'm not getting all my veggies. That is my goal for this week!!! Oh yeah, and another goal for this week......start again with my multi-vitamin. I have fallen off the band wagon with that too!

Full circle

Spent some time thinking last night. Thinking about my food and the path that I've been on. You see, I was hot on the trail of good health and losing weight until last year. I can really almost pinpoint the exact moment that I started having difficulty. It was at my work christmas party. Sooo, a year has gone by. I've struggled all year long. In the last month or two, I've not only struggled, I've gained. I'm not happy with this..but I can't do anything about the past. All I can do is look at the past, reflect, learn and move on.

SOOOO, how can I pin point the 2007 work Christmas party. Well, I had been doing really well. But my co-workers were insistent that I join them in eating that day. I can't lay the blame on them...but they did egg me on to eat. And then eat some more. And then eat more still. One of my co-workers talked to me a few days later and apologized for her action, Even though she didn't egg me on like some of the others, she was sorry that she didn't tell them to shush. In fairness, the one gal that was so excited to see me actually eating was a gal that eats junk food CONSTANTLY and wears a size 2....I think she plain and simple did not understand. That said....I'm still to blame! BUt from that point, I struggled. For about 9 months I maintained...and then I started to gain. I think some of the last few months of gaining has been basically eating in frustration because I was not losing. During the months of maintaining, I was never really off the plan...but I was skirting on the edge. The good thing.....I know how to maintain. But I was frustrated and it was easy to say, "well if I'm not going to lose, I may as well eat what I want." And I started to gain.

Yesterday brought the 2008 work christmas party. Yes, I ate. I'll admit that I ate way too much. And last night (actually while I was still at work yesterday evening) it hit me....full circle. I'm determined that yesterday's party marks the end of the last wishy washy year of weight loss efforts. Where one year's party marked the beginning...I want this years party to mark the end.

So last night I was thinking some more about all of this and I've come to the conclusion. For the time being, I can't even nibble on certain things. If I start...even if it's a tiny piece of cake....I will keep going back for more. (yesterday I had a small piece of rum cake.....small piece. Ok, so that's not so bad...but that put the taste in my mouth...and I kept going back for just one more tiny piece......over and over!....ok, three pieces of cake). Ironically enough, I don't crave cake or sweets. It's only after I have 'indulged' and had a piece...THEN I want another piece! Chocolate...don't want it...but if I eat a piece...I want another piece. So why do I even start???? And that's my point. Why should I? I also know that there are situations where I can have a piece of cake or a treat. But in closely monitored instances where there is only the option for me to have that one piece.

I'm addicted to food...if I start, I can't stop. (well I can.....but it's difficult.). I would like to say that someday I'll be able to conquer this and be able to look a cake in the eye....eat one piece...or one bite and say 'that's enough'. But right now....no. So for that reason, I can't have any!

Didn't weigh myself today. Guess I'm kinda scared to. Not to fear...I will! And just because I didn't weigh in doesn't mean that I'm ready to work my tail end off (literally)!

We are not going to talk about food today. I'm eating. I'm not gorging. But I'm not living in a bubble. This is the ONE christmas party that I will eat at. Christmas is at my house and it's going to be a normal meal....heavy on veggies and only one dessert. A diet coke jello cake with fat free cool whip. Some people call these cakes poke cakes.....but regardless.....a ton healthier than some of the other options. I've decided not to stress about it.



What my topic of conversation today is going to be about is New Years Resolutions. I am part of a group of women that are committed to taking one picture a day for a year and submitting it to a central group. (see the side bar for the link to my individual pictures mf's 365 and also the link to our groups pictures envisage). Via email one of our members brought up the idea to follow a 101 things in 1001 days. Basically before you begin you think of 101 things that you would like to do in the next 1001 days. Make your list and on day one you begin working on that list. At first I thought that this was a grand idea. But then I started thinking about my obligations. I know that I need to immerse myself in the process of losing weight. It really does need to be what I live and breath (oh and eat too...haa haa haa). I am doing this one picture a day for a year. That takes some time also. I write in this blog. I have a recipe blog (at which I've been woefully missing lately). I was just afraid to really get into some other huge project that will take my time. I don't want to stretch myself too thin. AND 1001 days is a long commitment. But I just couldn't stop thinking about the premise of the plan. And that is to give yourself concrete goals for the upcoming set period. It can be used to really help push a person out of their comfort zone into a 'space' that is good. Help one grow and learn new things. I really wanted to do it. But that long committment, I KNEW that I would struggle. But then I started thinking about my New Years Resolutions. I've never really set one. I think about starting new things in the new year and I refer to my new start as a resolution. But this year, I've decided to set some concrete goals for the new year. I think a year is more managable! So I'll begin laying out my ideas here...some will be weight related....some will not. :-)

1. I will get myself back to my doctors approved weight watcher weight. That is roughly 20 pounds (yeah, stop gasping...I've gained 20 pounds since mid august!)
2. Continue to keep the business books up to date and not procrastinate (I've done pretty good this year...but in years past...eii yiii yiii)
3. Exercise at least 4 hours each week. That is 4 hours a week or 16 hours a month or 208 hours a year. Wow...when I think of that it really isn't that bad sounding. :-)
4. Try one new recipe a week. Yes, some weeks may not have one...some will have two or three. But at the end of the year, I'd like to have at least 52 new recipes. I get really good about trying new recipes and cooking ideas...but after a month or two, I stop and go back to the tried and true recipes/meals.

I'll work on laying out individual plans for each one in the upcoming days!

Well, yesterday I ate sooo badly. We stopped at McDonalds and got an Eggnog Milkshake. Now let me say that I haven't purchased anything at McDonalds in over 2 years (probably longer)...so this was huge. But I really do like their Eggnog Milkshakes...I got a small (could have had a gigantor huge one it tasted sooo good...but I did small). I made cookies for work (we have our christmas party tomorrow and we decided to have a cookie tray and punch for our customers....so I volunteered to do some cookies). Well, I ate cookie dough.....a lot of cookie dough. (ohhh yeah, I ate my allotement of calories/points just in my normal meals that I ate...so these extra things are truely extra calories that I took in). Ohh yeah, and then in the evening I made popcorn and had a diet soda. The popcorn and diet soda have so much sodium (that I'm not used to) that it affects my weight...water retention. So I KNEW that this morning was going to be BAD. (as in I'm teetering on the edge of going over 200 pounds...and I thought I would after yesterdays eating.). HOWEVER, in the middle of the night I woke up with stomach pains. Now I won't give you all the icky details but suffice to say that every hour or so I got out of bed an well, elminated some of the bad food that I ate. It happens almost everytime I eat horribly! And everytime, I realize that before I started eating healthy and was eating like that all the time, that the middle of the night stomach aches were commonplace. So this morning, still feeling a bit nauseated, I stepped onto the scale. ANd I was down almost a full pound. Oh my word. I was shocked. Nope, no exercise yesterday either.
Ok, how was that for TMI????

Now here is the question of the hour. Because we don't get these yummy treats all that often anymore, does it make us want to attack a plate of cookies with more vengenance than we would have in the past...before the altered lifestyle. Does it taste so good and do we lose control more easily because it's something that we don't get that often, or did we always fall upon a plate of cookies (fudge, cake...whatever) with a frenzy reminicent of some 'half starved, on therdeathbead

Ok, normally I put on serious things on my blog. Serious and really pushing weight loss...but today I'm putting on something fun. It's totally NOT weight friendly...and in fact it's totally the opposite. However, when I read it, while I was laughing I started to think about how I used to have this mentality (ok, maybe not this strong..but still) and how I really didn't like the person that I was when I was that way....so anyway...read and laugh.

CHRISTMAS EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Well.....thanks to Todd I made it to the gym today. He kept gently asking me this morning "Do you want to go to the gym?" I kept saying, "No, I don't WANT to go, but I have to go." So I sucked it up and went. Whew.

My weight stayed the same this morning. I was hoping I would get a bit further away from the big two ohh ohhh but that was not to be. Oh well...tomorrow! :-)

The weather is foul right now......so the rest of my day will probably be really slow and boring here at work. Ahhh more time for surfing the internet and reading my book!