I'm in a Tizzy

 ​Oh my word.  I’m in a total tizzy!   The stress level and anxiety has ratcheted up in my life by a gazillion percent. Life is out of control!!!  I have meant to write a few times this last week and just get sidetracked.   But here I am now…and I’ll catch you up and you will probably then understand why life for me is the way it is right now.  (I am in such a tizzy that I posted this in the wrong place!!!!  But hey...better late than never to get it to the right place)

Weight Loss

I had a good week last week.  I wasn’t 100% doing what I needed to do.   Honestly, I tracked less than 50% of the time.  My water consumption was dismal. I mean, those two things are the base of success for me and I messed both of them up.  However, I was a lot more cognizant of my choices.  My lunch choices were much more in line.  I tried to curb the quantity of food I put in my dinner plate in the evening.  (Seriously, I stopped at two slices of pizza last night!   And yeah, I was inordinately proud of myself for that fact.). My weight at my official weigh in was the lowest that it has been in the last few months.  So my feeble efforts in watching and being cognizant was enough…for this week.   

My goal for this week?   Why the two base facets of weight loss (at least for me)  of course.    I am aiming to track all food and to drink at least 64 ounces of water.

Exercise

I am still doing well with my 2022 miles in 2022.   I am consistently riding the bike during the day.  I am not pulling ahead though.   I am getting in about 4 miles on the bike a day….to pull ahead, I need to be getting about 8 miles a day. (Or more).  But I am holding steady on my miles.     We continue to walk every evening after work…so that gives me another mile or two.   However, I’m not sure if I’ll be walking this week.   I was walking in a yard the other day and stumbled in a hole and twisted my foot.  It is a foot that was already bothering me and since then…eiiyiiyii my foot hurts!  Time will tell if it’s well enough to hobble around the neighborhood after work this week.

We have gotten out a few times to hike (also known as mushroom hunting) in the last few weeks.  It feels good to get out into the woods and to watch things start to bud and bloom.

House Hunting

After my last crazy story about the house in my last lost we were once again discouraged but we weren’t letting it stop us.  As I had mentioned we had a few houses lined up for Easter Sunday afternoon.   The first one had a fabulously landscaped yard.  The house was very nice. (A cute cape cod) but was at the top end of our price range.  It was also literally right beside the house and in clear view (I’m saying spitting distance) was a solar farm.  Not exactly pretty.   The fact that this house was already priced at the top end of its value  (even in this crazy market) made us pause because the solar farm would reduce the value of the house.   We liked it and we drove away contemplating the house, but we had some major concerns about that field of solar panels.  (The house had a few issues…nothing major though).   The next house was absolutely disgusting!  The place reeked of mothballs and even with the oh so strong odor of mothballs, it still wasn’t enough to cover the smell of animal pee.   Yes, they had a dog or cat at one point and apparently…we’ll it was just bad.  The floor plan of the house was weird.  The lot was super narrow and long…so not exactly usable. Everything was super old and NOT well maintained.   It was a hard pass.   

From there we drove north into Pennsylvania.  We were going to look at a house a bit further north (by like 15 minutes).  This is the house that checked off the boxes for everything we wanted. Furthermore, I was able to read the disclosures…it had a brand new metal/standing seam roof (well 8 months old), new fridge, new stove, heating/ac and water heater was replaced 2017…amongst other recent repairs.   Most of the big ticket items to ‘go bad’ was already replaced and recently.  Hmmmmm.    We got there and we really liked it.  The extra distance was the only issue.  Everything else was what we wanted.    Oddly enough we ended up meeting the owner, who is a neighbor to the house.  We found out why this house was still on the market after a week.  She told us some more about the house and property, what had been replaced and some history.  We literally spent more than 2 hours there looking at the house, talking to the owner and our realtor had her inspector friend come in and do an informal inspection for us along with her informal inspection. (She also does home inspections on the side.).   We left there and knew that the home owner liked us…and that we had a leg up if we wanted the house. Seriously, the owner flat out said ‘I really really hope you like my house’.  And she later texted my realtor and said ‘they would make great neighbors’.     

So we put an offer in.  The offer was put in at 10:30 on Monday morning.   I was prepared for the couple days of waiting…that had been the norm during the last few offers we put in.  I had an answer by 11:10.  She accepted our offer.   What?????   Oh my word!  I have to say, the emotions were rolling.  I literally cried.

Sooooo… last Monday was full of contract paperwork that I signed with the realtor.  Tuesday started the paperwork with the lender.  Never ending paperwork….little bits here and there.  The appraiser has already inspected the property so the lender should have that hopefully soon.  I have two more documents to upload.  (Last paystub that we just got this weekend and a copy of a check that was written this weekend).  They will be uploaded to the lender this morning (following monday when I wrote that)  at 8AM.    At that point our loan can go to the underwriter.   I am still getting random things to sign and do....but it's all good I guess.

I am totally on pins and needles.  I have watched the houses on the market for the last year.  You see houses go onto the market…change to under contract…then go back active on the market.  I don’t see any reason for our loan to have issues…and in fact the lender that I talked to on Friday said she sees no issues either.  But, until settlement is done and the keys are in my hand I will be on pins and needles.

Settlement…5/16/2021

So I am in the throes of packing…organizing….purging…trying to prepare to vacate our apartment.  (Had to give notice that we were not renewing our lease this week.)

So that is what is happening here.   It was a crazy week. I envision some crazy weeks ahead of us. But I am determined to do it without weight gain!!!!!

Things are topsy turvy crazy

 LIfe is crazy!  That should be enough said.  Life is crazy!  From house hunting to weight loss to crazy dreams.  It' all nuts!

House Hunting

We spent some more time this weekend and saw some houses that we really liked.  One in particular.  We REALLY lilked it. It had the a few acres and trees (which Jason and I both would love to have)   It had not just a fireplace, but also a woodstove (Jason's wish list).  It had a hot tub (which is on my wish list so every house we look at, I look for a location to add a hot tub).  It had what we wanted.   So of course, we made an offer.   It's so difficult to wait until the offer is reviewed and either accepted or rejected.  This is not the first house where we placed an offer.  The waiting doesn't get any easier after the first.  Honestly, it is probably worse, since you already have first hand experience.  But we placed our offer this past weekend and then waited.   We did everything we could to make our offer look good.  We had an escalation clause to bump up our offer if needed in order to be the highest offer......to a certain limit that we were willing to pay.  We wrote a heartfelt letter to include.  We did it all.    Monday evening we got the text.

The answer?   The seller went with another offer.  

Yes, we were/are bummed out.  It is frustrating.  The market is insane.  At the houses we toured last weekend at each house we saw the people touring the house right before us and the people touring right after us.  The tours were booked that tight and solid.   It seems a bit hopeless.....almost insurmountable.  Yet people ARE buying and getting their offers accepted.   So with that said, we keep looking.

The house hunting process has been stressful for me.  I'm a worrier.  I stress about making the right decision, the offer, the wait, the aspect of moving, the process of the lease that we are in...everything.  SO I have had some sleepless nights.  That part of this has been no fun either!   I told Jason that I will probably be a nervous wreck until we have signed on the dotted line, moved our stuff into a new place and handed the keys back to our current apartment complex.

Crazy Dreams

As if being stressed about buying a house and having issues sleeping  as your mind races isn't bad enough, I have been having some nights recently where I have been having dreams.  They are dreams that I am back in a relationship with my ex-husband.  They are dreams that emphasize the emotions that I lived with daily during my marriage with him.  (At least the end of the marriage......like the last half if not more.)   Last night I dreamed that I had left him and then I went back.  In my dream I was blown away at the pain and disappointment in my parents eyes.  (As if dreaming about the sadness of my previous marriage isn't enough...my dad made an appearance in the dream....my dad who passed away 4.5 years ago and seeing my dad in my dreams always messes me up.) In this dream I had gone back and  I struggled to move around the house, but everything that was in the house that was mine was broken, covered with dirt, decrepit.  My ex's stuff was all pristine and well kept.  And in seeing that, I saw the undervalue of myself in that marriage.  I didn't matter what I did during my marriage, I was not important and the dream highlighted that.  As I slept, those heavy weighted feelings and emotions drove me down.  What a load I was carrying back then that I am reliving during my dreams.  Because while they return to me in a dream, they are well known from my time in that marriage.  The emotions of a dream where the dreammimics real life events that you have lived are hard to put into their place.  Because these emotions are based on memories.  Memories that I would sooner forget.  But yet, after these dreams I find myself in tears and reliving the sadness and pain of those times.   

I don't know what is causing the dreams.....very odd I tell you!

Weight Loss

I am maintaining.  That is a good thing!  Through the stress of house hunting and getting our offers rejected and all of that, I am maintaining!  

The bad thing?  I'm NOT losing!  

So why am I NOT losing?  Well, because I haven't tracked a bit of food in WEEKS!  I am cognizant most of the time what I am eating, but the longer I go without tracking, the more food  creeps into my day.   Honestly, most days aren't too bad.  I'm not eating a ton of stuff.  But I know that I am eating more than I should......not if I want to be losing weight!  I'm disgusted with myself!  I feel bloated and icky and like a failure. (man, this weight thing keeps doing that to me doesn't it?)

I keep saying 'enough is enough'....but I  keep failing.  This has to end.  The question is what end is it going to be?  I know I know, I know.  I hold the cards and I can write the next chapter to my book (which will affect the end) anyway I want!   

Sooooooo, crazy life happenings here.  Some of the craziness I don't have control over.  I can only chose how I will react to the craziness......so how will I react? 

1.  I am vowing to continue to rely on my prayers and my faith that the perfect house will come alone in the perfect time for us.

2.  I am vowing to now let the memories of those bad years in my life affect me.  I will remember them and then thank God every day for the healthy relationship that I have with Jason

3.  I will stop being lackidaisical with my weight.  At the point where I am in life, not trying has the same damaging effect as eating like a mad woman!  So TRY TRY TRY....never give up.  (and that means tracking...like NOW!)

Life won't beat me! 

Dirty Butt and Weight Loss

​I have been meaning to write.  Honest engine!    But life is not slowing down.  It is crazy.  No, we haven’t found our dream house yet….but not for lack of trying! And wow…just wow!   As if the house hunting isn’t enough angst….weight loss is not moving in the right direction.  Honestly, the stress and worry is not doing wonders for my weight loss efforts.  I have long admitted I wear my stress…..and that is holding true!

So let’s start with the house hunting!

We have been touring houses!  A few here and there.   It seems as if the longer we search the worse the houses get.  I kid you not.   At the very onset of house hunting we saw multiple houses that interested us and we even put in an offer on one of them.  But the last house hunting mission has  been the pits.  We saw a house that was so damp and wet in the finished basement that all the doors in the basement were swollen and would only open a crack, and I struggled to get my oversized  body into some of those rooms.  Or the roof that according to the listing was only 6 months old but was obviously older and leaking!  Yes! The attic area rafters were so wet and rotten that if you touched the wood you got a handful of rotten wood that would fall away.   No thank you.  Maybe I should talk about the house that was filled with beds.  Every room.  The people didn’t vacate and all sat on their beds staring at us as we walked through.  And my word.  The house reeked of dirty butt.  I know…I know, you can clean  and paint over dirty.  And I am open to that. But that house also had some major issues with the structure.   Let’s see, there was the house that was absolutely fantastic.  Tons of space (over 3000 square feet) and huge rooms.  But it ended up being in a bad neighborhood (which I suspected before we went…but I was hoping it would have been a half mile or so further down the road in a much nicer area.)  still don’t believe me?   Maybe the house that had space heaters because the furnace was inspected a few days earlier and had been inoperable and unsafe. Wow.

We are open to cleaning and some minor painting.  But we will be tapped out financially for a bit (gonna use most of not all of my accessible savings for down payment and closing costs) and can’t afford a ‘fixer upper’ that needs immediate repairs.    Our realtor is fantastic.   She works part time as a home inspector.  So she points out little things that we would most likely miss.  She doesn’t push to talk about how wonderful these pieces of junk houses are.  She points out features and either tells us things like Ohhh look at this…that is - new furnace….or ohhhh that looks like it could be a problem.     

So I know that my prayers will be answered and that the perfect home for us is out there and will be revealed in the perfect time.  But I have to admit that I am really having to constantly remind myself to keep the faith and believe.

Weight loss

So what is happening with my weight loss?   Absolutely nothing.   I have been indulging.  Nothing way out of control.  But I’m not perfectly inline with where I need to be either.  Tracking you ask, what’s that?  64 ounces of water?  You have to be kidding me!  I’m not doing what I know needs to be done.   Luckily my weight is fluctuating in the same 2-3 pound range and I haven’t gained crazily.  But I’m not losing either!

I know that stress is driving me towards the food. And while understandable, it is not ok.   But then the vicious cycle starts.  I eat and feel stuffed and guilty and like a failure and that just makes me turn to food to assuage my emotions.  Which in turn brings more angst.  And then I think again about house hunting and you got it, I turn toward food.   Luckily I don’t eat every time I turn toward food.  But the desire is in my head. It’s my comfort and my mind craves that comfort in these times of stress and upset.  I don’t always cave…I sometimes can stand firm.    Either way, I’m not doing the greatest.  Luckily this far I’ve been able to at least hold steady…but I have to make the change and fix myself…my mind in terms of food and my weight!

So that is the scoop!   Crazy times.  House hunting and work…(which is also still crazy but I’m really working on not letting it get to me…not an easy task but I’m trying).  Life is crazy and while we sometimes don’t have any control over the speed that this rollercoaster of life brings to us.  What we do have control over is how we react to the dips and valleys.  That is what I need to focus on.  Remembering to rely on my faith and belief in the power of prayer is one thing.  The other thing is to stop feeding my emotions…and hopefully if I stop feeding the emotions literally my mind will get with the program and stop dreaming about feeding my emotions!

Life’s Rollercoaster

​Life is one big rollercoaster.  Ups and downs.  Valleys and highs.  Craziness around every corner.  Sometimes the rollercoaster is a gentle one.  Serenely allowing you to see the passing scenery without to many crazy dives.  But sometimes the rollercoaster is intense.  There is nothing serene about this rollercoaster ride.  It takes you from highs to lows alarmingly fast.  It twists and turns and leaves you feeling out of control.  I am very much so on a wild life rollercoaster right now.

House Hunting

Have you taken a look at the housing market lately?  It is crazy!   We see a house go on the market on Monday and by Wednesday, Friday at the latest it is sold.  I have arrived at a house went on the market in the morning and I was lucky enough to get an appointment at 11AM….and when I arrived, the house already had a bid on it!  How crazy is that?  When they receive a bid. They leave the bids open for 2-3 more days…to encourage multiple bids….so you want your bid to stand out and look good.  How can you do that?  One way is a bidding war of course.  They are asking one price…offer more and put in a stipulation that you will go higher and how high you will go. (It will increase 1k increments).   Many people are waiving all inspections.  Does the furnace actually work?  Who knows…. What about the air conditioner, the appliances do they work?  Does the roof leak?  Is the septic system leaking and needing replaced? Without an inspection you are taking a huge risk.   But people are going without inspections right and left!  Crazy I tell you!  Oh and let me mention again that if you see a house that you like, you better make an offer that day…that minute.  I know it’s a big purchase but you just don’t have time to think about it.  Split second decions.

So we are actively house hunting.  Touring and looking.  Dreaming and thinking.  Jason does not do well with split second decisions….he likes to ponder and think.  It’s who he is and how he operates for any purchase he makes.  Me, well I worry and ponder the money issue.  I’m better at split second decisions…but I panic and ponder and worry about the financial end.  So you can see the rollercoaster dips and valleys that we are encountering.

About a week ago we saw a house pop up on the market. We made an appointment.  We liked the house.  We liked it enough to actually put in a bid.  The roller coaster of life picked up speed and intensity.  And then the rollercoaster rolled and twisted….our offer was turned down and a different offer accepted. 

Sure we were bummed out. I won’t lie and say any different.  But I will say that we have been praying for the perfect house…in the perfect time for us.  So we are trusting God and saying that the house was not for us.  We started hunting again.  We haven’t seen anything again that interests us enough to put in a bid…but we are certainly looking.

The rollercoaster ride of house buying continues.  If we want to buy a house, the rollercoaster ride will continue….and I accept that it will be an intense ride.  Because I well know the thrill, excitement and happiness of a great rollercoaster ride!

Weight loss

I restarted a few weeks ago on this weight loss journey.   I was committed and I saw success the first week!   The second week I went backwards, although I was sure that it was due to my monthly ick.  Week three I was able to recoup week two’s gain and even lose a bit.   But week four….the house hunting rollercoaster threw me into a tailspin.  I stopped tracking and while I was still making healthier choices, I wasn’t on 100% on track.  So week four I went backwards again in my journey.  I won’t even pretend that it was anything other than my fault.  

I am still clinging to the ‘Geronimo’ motivation.  I want to win this badly!   I want the bragging rights.  

But I know to get those bragging rights, I need to be consistent with my efforts.  I know how to lose weight.  It may be harder and slower the older I get, but I know how to do it.  I just need to do it!!!  Right now my weight loss journey is a crazy with highs and lows.  I am the one that can change this rollercoaster to a nice serene coaster…I have control of this rollercoaster!

We all experience the rollercoaster of life.  Right now I’m on the crazy intense ride.  But that’s ok.   Because the crazy intense rides that are full of flips and twists and turns are the ones that sometimes  elicit the best responses and feelings.   The roller coaster of life is the same.  The intense life rides are the ones that bring change and are the spark for us to improve ourselves.