Giving up: the future

Sometimes I wonder about what I’m really doing in regards to this website/blog.  What is my purpose?  What is my mission?   Why am I here.  Why do I even continue trying to lose weight.

Let me start with the basics.   I struggle.  I struggle big time.  Yet I continue to write.   I feel like I write  and do the same things over and over.  And over.  I make plans....I have excuses.   I have some success...I have failure.  It feels like a repeating cycle.

So why do I continue to write the same things each and every week?  

After a bit of a pause (had to drive to work),  I have come to the conclusion that I write for me.  I continue to write because I am constantly learning and evolving.  I continue to write to chronicle this difficult journey that I have been on for so many years.  I continue to write because it gives me some small sense of accountability.

Why do I continue to try to lose weight when I am so obviously in a vicious cycle of small success then failure..success then failure?

I continue to push forward because I want to be healthy.  I push forward because I want to live to be an old woman with Jason....and in a healthy manner.   I continue to try because I want to buy cool clothes.  I continue to plot and plan because I want to be fit and active.

It is hard.   So many people stop writing when things get into this vicious cycle.  But I’m going to continue on.   I have big reasons to lose weight.  If I keep writing I will keep learning and keep evolving.   If I keep on, eventually this will all click and I’ll be victorious once again.

Accountability

This journey is difficult.  It's possible to do on ones own, but I can say from serious trial and error, that it is SOOO much easier with a friend, a group, a system, ANYTHING that keeps me accountable!

Really?  What works for me with accountability?   It has changed for me over the years.....or maybe it hasn't changed but circumstances changed.

1.   Weight Watchers.   I LOVED the accountability of the meetings.  Weighing in each week gave me a tangible accountability.  I KNEW the scales would be staring me in the face each week.  I weighed myself each week too....none of that free weigh in pass for me.  I wanted to see what what happening and know where I was each week.    While I would say the accountability of the weigh ins were the biggest part, I also found that the regular attendees of the meeting that I went to provided the other aspect of support that I needed to be a success.   We may not have known each other in any way other than by facial recognition, but those people were my support group. 

2.  Weekly weigh in with Friends.  I at one point instituted a weekly email that went to a group of friends.  Each week I sent an email with my weight to these friends.  I have done this off an on with some of these same friends throughout the last few years.   They WORK!

3.  Challenge Groups    These can be fabulous if they are run well!    I've been in some good ones...and I've been in some not so good ones.  I have participated in some and I have actually led some.   Both approaches work for me in terms of accountability.  I have done these with other people wanting to lose weight.  I have done them with people that are interested in challenging themselves physically with exercise.  (I used to participate heavily on a mileage challenge on  myfitnesspal , through weight watchers, through facebook and any other means.  I recently joined the Hagerstown 100 Miler which is in essence is just another challenge group. 

4.  Running and races.   Actually this could be any event that requires training.   I started with a few bike rides and then started doing some runs.  I'm not exactly consistent, but knowing that I paid for a big race is enough to keep me focused and moving for sure!   

5.  My blog-    I started this blog years ago....and it wasn't until earlier this week that I noticed the pattern.   I lost the bulk of my weight and was my lowest weight between 2007-2009.  Is it coincidental that in 2007 I wrote 230 blog posts.  What about a whopping 334 posts in the year 2008.   The year 2009 wasn't too shabby with 277 posts.  For those three years my average number of posts for the year is 280 posts per each year!    The average of posts for all the other years combined is 129 posts a year.     Coincidence?????    Hmmm, I don't think so!   

So why is the blog so important?  I think it is important because it helps me refocus on my goals on a daily basis.   When I'm not forced to think about it and write about it and whatnot, the focus in my life tends to shift and switch to something.  I am not saying that what it shifts to is not important, but I need to have the daily reminder that this goal is very real and very important in my life and that I need to keep pushing forward.  

Right now I am committed to sending my weight on a weekly basis to two friends. (And I will gladly add more people to my weekly weigh in reports if it will help!  I've at one time shared and emailed with 3-4 friends...the more accountability, the better!)   I am registered for one race (The Cooper River Bridge Run on April 2).  Obviously I am in the Hagerstown 100 Miler.     I am also committed to writing posts to help me stay accountable and to help me stay focused!