Thursday, February 10, 2022

Beating my Head Against the Wall

​How many times will I try to get successful results from something that I have time and time again proven to not work?   I’m doing it again!  I’m trying a method of weight loss that I KNOW doesn’t work for me!   And I am so frustrated.  Why do I do it to myself??  


So what am I doing?  I am eating about 1600 calories and expecting to lose weight.   I know…I know.  1600 calories SHOULD by the actual numbers be a great goal for eating.  However, time and time again I have experimented and each time I come to the conclusion that it doesn’t work for me.  I am LUCKY if I maintain at that level of calorie intake. Yet I try It.  Over and over I try!   When will I learn and just accept?


I know that my profile on myfitness pal was reset a while back and my goal is 1500…but I am going to go back online and fix that….I would rather see the 1200 or 1300 ad my goal and be over budget  at the end of the day versus seeing the 1500-1600 as my goal and see that I am right on budget or every under budget at the end of the day.  Why?  Because if I am aiming for the lower calories and I end up over budget I will not be expecting to lose weight!  It may happen…but I won’t be expecting it!    When I am under budget with the higher calorie limit it is human nature to expect a loss and it is very disheartening to then not lose!!!  

I am still struggling with the emotions of my own personal revelations about the long term negativity that I have been dealing with it.   Basically, I have heard the negativity for years but it has just become part of the fabric of my life.  But the wedding dress comment (your butt looked fat in your wedding dress) just has played through my mind constantly in the four months the since I got married. (Yup…it’s been a bit more thanfour months since we got married.). I have replayed that comment many times in my head.  In the meantime,  I started a new quilt.


The new quilt is coming along.  The negativity wasn’t immediate…I got a compliment about how beautiful the quilt was turning out.  However the next words were ‘I sure hope you are doing it right…your stuff tends to fall apart’?   What?   We sometimes sleep under a quilt that I made 30 years ago….that doesn’t sound like it fell apart to me?  It’s a quilt that I drag around …..literally drag around…it goes on vacation with us as I remove the comforters on hotel beds and use my own quilt….they don’t wash those hotel comforters every use!). This quilt is used and used hard.  But my stuff falls apart?   And there have been multiple snide remarks about my quilt.  And those comments…I think of them all the time when I’m working on this quilt…second guessing myself.  Worrying that for some reason this quilt will fall apart.  It totally undermined any ounce of self confidence I had about it.  So two comments that stayed in my mind for a long time (never ending).    And once those comments were stuck in my head it opened my memory and my awareness to what really happens.  So I still am struggling with those emotions.


But I move forward.  Processing the information…the comments…the events in life.  Life throws negativity at you.  Life throws moments when we keep doing the same old thing and expect different results. (ie my calorie counting).   How I respond and react is what makes me awesome, mediocre or a slug of a human being.  I want to be awesome.  So fixing issues and rising above is my goal!






14 comments:

peppylady (Dora) said...

Hope you don't mind me making suggest. It would seem hard to keep your calories at one number.
I keep my calorie count between 1,600 and 1,800.
Coffee is on and stay safe

Mary said...

I hope you cut the person out of your life who says those things.

Paula C said...

1st of all you are awesome. I cannot believe someone would be so cruel With those words. I thought your dress was gorgeous I don't understand why they would make any kind of comment other than You are a beautiful bride. My experience with those type of toxic people is they say those things to make themselves feel better. Typically it is because they are very jealous of you. From where I sit, it appears that you are a very good quilter and you have a very good relationship with your husband. Things some people might just be jealous over. You may need to consider removing this person from your life to maintain you mental health. If it is a family member, it makes it so hard. I have a sister & finally I just had enough & our relationship is extremely limited. I am sorry for it, but have since let go of the guilt. I remember a comment Oprah said & a person who truly loves you would never hurt you.My sister was very hurtful & I realized I truly don't matter much to her. But it is okay. I think you will do better with the diet if you remove some of the stress.

Mrs Swan said...

Are both of these comments from the same person? I am feeling like you might need to cut yourself off with this person if so. Minimal interaction and for the love of all that is holy stop sharing information with them. I am sure they "mean well" in their head but it is not coming out that way. at. all.

Please do not allow someone to hurt you over and over again. Even if it is family. No matter if it is yours or his or a boss. Mental health is so important and I know you know that.

I like your idea of tweaking the calories down. Thi way like you said you will just see you went over period. Rather than feeling like you didn't meet your goal with the 1600.

I only read once a week but I am always available via FB or IG if you need to vent specifically to one person.

PS Birb and I are working through our issues.

Mrs Swan said...

What Paula said!!!!!! I didn't not rad the comment before I commented. It seems to be one of two things. Either what I aid about person not realizing how snarky they are coming off OR the person being jealous.

I used to have a coworker that when something positive was shared would say IT MUST BE NICE and it would annoy the HELL outta of me. No, it isn't nice. I worked my ass off to get to yada yada that she was saying must be nice about. I don't think she realized how it sounded but it is would annoy me. Not the same I know. Just sharing info lol Maybe I need to post about this. LOL

Lynn said...

If the person who says those things is a relative and you can't cut off all contact, it's important to ask yourself whether, if they weren't a relative, you would even like them as a person. If not, limit contact. You don't need that in your life.

jen said...


I am shocked. Whoever this person is, is NOT nice. I have always taught my children and grandkids that if they haven’t got anything nice to say to not say anything at all. You do not deserve to have someone be so mean and nasty to you. No one does.

Amy said...

Sometimes people's harsh judgments hurt so bad because we've spent a lifetime verbally abusing ourselves so when it comes from someone else it feels like it confirms all the negative things we already think about ourselves. The best way to combat that, whether it comes from internally or externally, is to ask "SO WHAT?" So what if you have a big butt? Is the world going to fall apart? Is it contagious? Can a quilt not be repaired when it falls apart? If you follow your 'yeah-butt' thinking through the worst case scenario it usually ends in an OK place. Try not to let others opinions of you become your story, you're much better at writing the truth of who you are than anyone else.

MaryFran said...

If only it were that easy?

MaryFran said...

Thank you for your kind words!

MaryFran said...

I think some people just are so miserable with their own lives that they aren’t necessarily bad people but they just can’t keep that negativity buried inside and it comes out …crazy I know. But they just can’t help it!

MaryFran said...

It would definitely be difficult to cut off a relative…especially certain relatives. But…we do what we must.

MaryFran said...

You are right! No one deserves it!!! And I am so glad that you taught your young ones differently!!

MaryFran said...

Well said! I have pretty much lived a lot of years with that mentality…of just letting these comments roll off of me. The big butt one hit me hard (and yeah…of course I know I have a big….body! I know what I weigh)…but that comment made me see all the other snide remarks for what they are. I’m not planning on stopping my life just because someone likes to put me down…that is THEIR issue…but man does it hurt and I can see how it has shaped me!