Back to the Grind

 It is always a tragic event to go back to work after a vacation.   I don't believe that I have ever said, "I'm ready for vacation to be over and to get back to work!"   No, I may say "I'm ready to be at home again and back to a more normal routine," But not back to work.  Yet back to work I went this past week!

First week Post Vacation

Luckily this week was mostly mundane.   I would rather have been still on vacation, but that isn't the way life is for me.  I must work to pay for the pets!  (Ok, and my mortgage, gas for the cars, food on the table.  You know those little things in life).    

Work was pretty basic.  I got to put together a video 'all about me' for work.   I actually will probably upload it to my YouTube channel, because it just makes me smile!  I will link it here when I do.   But other than that, basic and nothing too stressful.

Outside the weather was crazy.  The last day of vacation it was in the 80's and stinkin' hot.  The next day it was cold!   We even skirted with some frost!  SO with that said, I stripped all the tomatoes from the plants.  I breaded them and froze them for us to have fried green tomatoes this winter.  Jason loves fried green tomatoes.  We also dug up our sweet potatoes.  We had never grown sweet potatoes and we were not sure what we would get from them.   Well we had 4 plants....in 15 gallon grow bags in our backyard (the deer annihilated the 4 plants that we had down in the garden).  We got about 35 pounds of sweet potatoes.  So the problem?   One sweet potato is actually over 7 pounds by itself.  We will be eating sweet potatoes for days with that sucker!  Luckily, I do like sweet potato so will feast on those leftover for my lunches!  We did a few other things in that garden and picked a bit more produce.   Closing down the garden for the year!

I do think the animals were happy to get back to a routine.   Mertz hangs out in my office most of the day and she always spends a fair amount of time on my desk while I work.  She missed out on that one-on-one time with me while I was on vacation. (There is a gate at my office door and the office is off limits to Zoey!)   Zoey also seemed to enjoy being back to 'normal'.   During our vacation we were always here, or in and out and taking he with us places.  Which is fine and good except that she typically sleeps all day long! (and all night too)   Just a normal weekend and she is whipped by Monday and so lethargic and tired on Mondays until she can rest up.  So the 11 days of vacation 'pert near' killed her!  hahaha  So she slept the first few days away!  But no fear, she always woke up in time to wait for her daddy!  Yes, she demands to go outside at least a half hour before Jason gets home and she just sits there and stares!

Weight Loss after Vacation

I returned back to work riding high on the knowledge that I had managed to maintain my weight over an 11-day vacation!   I knew how huge that victory was!  Seriously, previous years have showed much different results!   There was the vacation shortly after I reached Lifetime status with weight watchers, I gained 10 pounds in that week!  Three years ago, when we got married while on vacation, I gained 5 pounds....and we hiked every day!  I could reference vacation after vacation and almost without fail, I gained weight!   But not this time!   So yes, I was proud.  Yes, I was motivated!

I started my Monday riding high.  I started with exercise at 5AM!  I got my water ready, and I guzzled it all day.   I eat my salad for lunch, my banana for breakfast.  I was doing it! I stepped onto the scales on Tuesday morning.  (I have always weighed daily and noom actually encourages daily weigh ins).    My weight was up!  TWO FREAKIN' POUNDS up!   What the what?    I was disgusted.  I was discouraged.  I was angry!  But I didn't let it derail me....

I kept doing what was right.

I wish I could say that I exercised all 5 workdays, but that didn't happen!    But I got a few days of exercise done!   Something is always better than nothing!

I wish I could say that I didn't cave and have that pretzel after work each evening. (Yes, I ate a hard pretzel every day......not huge ones...but definitely not the tiny ones).  I wish that I could say that I ate less bread/carbs.  But I can't say those things.   I also didn't track my food religiously this past week.  But you know what, it's good.  I ate more intuitively and guess what?   The scales righted themselves and I am back to being at a maintain!  So that is a good thing!

I am happy with that for sure!

However, I don't want a simple maintain!  I want to lose!  I want my legs to not ache.  I want to not feel my body is going to break in half when I stand up.... or sit down.  I don't want to take the steps one step at a time like an old lady.  I want to lose...I want to regain my fitness level.  I want to thrive in this thing called life...and right now I am not thriving.  I am existing.  

So, while I'm feeling ok about my last week, I have lots of room for improvement.   I don't have big plans for this upcoming week.  I am simply planning on focusing on the basic things.  Exercise. Water. Healthy eating (which is a combination of number of calories and quality of said calories.)  Simple and easy.     Simple and basic, that's the plan!

I Am Proud

 

A few days ago, I posted about the cost of obesity and the emotional trauma that happens with one is obese.   Let me tell you, I had some eye-opening moments while we were on vacation. I may be shamed about how far I have allowed my weight to spiral.  I may be ashamed about how far my fitness levels have slipped, but I am proud of myself Even as I struggled over vacation with certain aspects of life as an obese person, I found reasons to be proud of myself.

 

** I am proud because I didn’t give up once, I am proud to say that while I was sore DURING the activities, I didn’t let it stop me and kept going through the aches and pains.

** I am proud because that  while I was so sore in the evenings, I never once contemplated taking a day off and ‘resting’.   Sure, I was so stiff as I walked that it looked like I was pirate with two peg legs, but I didn’t let up.  (Hey, I even have a bird so I really could have played the role of a pirate!)

 

**I am proud that I didn’t let my fears and insecurities at the Crystal Grottos turn me away from going on that tour.

**I am proud that I was able to manage the whole week (11 days actually) and kept my weight in the same 1-2 pound range.

**I am proud of myself for taking steps to ensure that vacation behaviors not carry into regular life.

 

I know that the simple answer to the emotional cost of obesity is to lose weight.  That solution couldn’t be more clear.  Lose the weight and those emotions, thoughts and behaviors will be eradicated.  Simple right?  The problem is that losing weight isn’t easy.  Losing weight isn’t fast.   And I’ve had a LOT of years of emotional upheaval due to my weight.  Working through these self destructive emotions are just as important as eating healthy and getting fit.  That is my goal.  Not just heal my obesity and fitness, but also the emotional damage.    So, lets get this show on the road!

Life as an Obese Person

 

Life as an obese person is not free. There is a price one must pay if they are obese and I don’t mean actual money.    Although; the cost of healthcare for obesity related illnesses is astronomical, that is not the cost that I am referring to.  What I am referring to is the gut-wrenching realization that your weight is once again inhibiting you from living your life to the fullest.   It could even be that split second when you have to think about your weight.  It is the panic that there will be a weight related snafu.  It is staying ahead of any potential 'fat trauma'. The financial cost of obesity may be high, but I actually believe that the emotional cost may be higher yet.

Jason and I just enjoyed a vacation.   We didn’t go anywhere special.   We slept in our own bed each night.   We spent some time around the house working but we also did a few little day trips to explore, get out and just have fun.   Even with all that relaxation and fun, I had some moments that stood out to showcase the rising cost of my obesity. 

I have already written about the first moments on my vacation that was a gut wrenching expose of the rising cost of my obesity.   That was when I talked about my diminishing fitness level.   Yes, walking around museums and racking up a whole measly seven thousand steps caused my legs to ache and scream in protestation.   Seven thousand.  Not seventy thousand.  SEVEN THOUSAND.   That is shameful!  It was embarrassing and it's utterly emotional for me.

The second thing that happened was the day we went to Crystal Grottoes. This is a cavern relatively close to us. It has been years since I have toured a cavern and I was looking forward to it.  We entered the building and I was standing in line to pay for our tickets while Jason used the restroom. My eyes fell to the signs giving guidelines.  The first item said “No large purses or backpacks.”  My mind immediately thought. “No Problem” but then I kept reading.

 

You see, they went further to give their reasoning as to why they didn’t allow backpacks or large purses.  The reasoning was because there were tight passages and backpacks would be in the way.  Immediately I began to worry.  What was I worried about?   If you are obese, you probably know where my thoughts had gone.  I was worried that I would be too big for some of the passages.    Yes, I began to fret, internally; about being so big that I would brush the walls or worse have to take the fat man’s route through the tunnel.    I didn’t let on that I had this internal dialogue rolling through my head and I was able to calm myself down when I thought about the fact that they didn’t say anything about overweight people, nor did the person taking my money seem anything but pleased that I was visiting.  And yes, it was all ok and I did enjoy the tour.  But the fact that I had that dialogue in my head is sobering.  It’s the emotional cost of obesity.

 

I can’t even tell you how many times this has happened in my life.  During school I worried about those blasted desks that had the chair and the tabletop attached, they are a tight fit for someone that is larger.   The same with some restaurant booths.  It’s a worry.  It’s a struggle.  It’s an uncomfortable fit sometimes.  Finding clothes that fit and yet look decent while covering my body in a sufficient way is another one.  I’m always worried about my shirt riding up and exposing my belly (which we all know would cause the world to stop spinning right?).   Eating out, especially at a buffet strikes emotions because you feel as if everyone is looking at the ‘fat girl’ to see what she is eating!  What about the fact that my mind is constantly searching for potential embarrassment.  When I find something I preemptively made a disparaging remark about myself and my 'fatness'.  You see, it's easier to make fun of myself then it is when others make fun of me.   I could go on and on about the emotional costs.

 These are just the icing on the cake in a world of obesity created emotions and fears.  It pervades every aspect of life.  It seeps deep into your bones.  It is a world that is foreign to anyone that has never lived this life.  It’s not pleasant. It’s not fun.  It’s just …….life as an obese person.

An Easy Hike and the End of Vacation // Vacation 2024 Part 2

  For me, this is not a good time!  Yet, it always happens!   I started to bemoan the fact that vacation was flying by about mid way through.  Yes, Halfway through my 11 days and I started to fret about going back to work.   How sad is that?

Caledonia State Park

After our day hiking at Cowan’s Gap, where I had suffered issues with keeping my breathing regulated and then that panic attack on the steep trail, I was worried about how my legs were going to feel. (You can read about that here.)   I didn’t know if I was going to pay the price for that strenuous trail.   But surprisingly they didn’t feel too bad.   So we grabbed the dog and headed to a very local state park, Caledonia.   The dog is not the greatest hiker, yet.  She tends to get super excited and it’s a lesson in patience and a battle of wills to keep her under control while we are out.   In fairness, it IS getting easier.  She settles down a lot more quickly and doesn’t pull quite as bad.   (I can’t even imagine her on the steep trail at Cowan’s Gap! She would have handled it better than us, but she would have most definitely pulled one or both of us off our feet!).   With this in mind, we decided to hike some of the easy trails near the visitor center.  It was a good hike.  The scenery was pretty and it was a nice easy hike, which in all fairness, I probably needed.   We actually hiked more miles than the day before, but they were faster and flat! 

Crystal Grotto

On Friday we woke up and Jason had a message from his boss.  A part for a client had been left in Jason’s work van and he was trying to figure out how to get the part so that he would not have to cancel on the client.   We offered to drop off the part.  That put us about an hour south of where we live and we knew we would get into something.  We decided to go to Crystal Grottos.  We had gone to the Grand Cavern years ago when we were first dating and about a week ago Jason had mentioned that it had been a long time since he had been in a cave (almost 9 years) so I put it on the list of possible vacation ideas.   Seemed like a perfect way to spend some time!   The tour was about 45 minutes and it was informative.  The tour though was a bit ‘campy’ with cringy jokes and a gazillion nicknames for the different formations. But it was still absolutely amazing to see these formations buried underground!

 

The Weekend

The weekend is now upon us and this gives us only two days of vacation left.   As sad as it is, we knew that we kinda had to wrap up the vacation mode and get back to normal.   We mutually decided to swing back into normal weekend routines.  What does that mean for us?   It means the normal life things like groceries, mowing, cleaning the bird cage, cleaning the house, making muffins for Jason’s breakfasts.  I even plan on making a batch of baked ziti on Sunday to have for dinner on Monday night.  I’m going to try to ease back into this work week routine as easy as possible.     I am hopeful that we can rattle through these chores today (Saturday) and do something fun on Sunday.  But only time will tell! 

With the end of vacation comes the beginning of a new chapter in my efforts to lose weight.  We had a few conversations and I have made a vow to give up my diet soda (Say it aint so!)  I also had my eyes opened about my diminishing fitness level during this vacation and I have made a determination that I will be working out daily. The only way to halt the decline is to exercise….so that is what I will do!  I am excited about getting started.  I have been rereading old posts and I’m ready to do this once and for all.  It is time!