Another day down. We did eat out and had Chinese tonight. I had Empress CHicken...not the greatest choice...but what I was craving! I had a ton of points though so I should be ok.

I went for my bike ride yesterday after work. I was going to go for one today but it was 102 degrees outside so I decided to skip it. Instead I did Dance Dance Revolution after we got home from dinner. I feel good about that! We are hoping to go for a walk or bike tomorrow morning before it gets really hot out!

Epiphany

Yes, I had an epiphany last night at my weight watcher meeting. It wasn't anything the leader said. It wasn't even anything relating to the topic of last nights meeting. It was from something that one of my friends/fellow weight watcher said while we were waiting for the meeting. Typical of our group of people that attend my meeting, as we all arrive we share the happenings of the previous week and how we did weight wise. The gal that usually sits beside me had maintained and even though she wasn't upset that she maintained (she realizes that anything other than a gain is a success) she was disgusted because she is about one pound away from being at goal! She looked at me and said, "I'm so tired of paying....if I can just get to my goal I won't have to pay anymore." One of the other gals then did make goal last night. i also realized that next week will mark one year of weight watchers meetings. All of a sudden it hit me. I've piddled around these last SIX, yes SIX months. Oh, I've been here half heartedly one week and then throwing caution to the wind the next week. But it's been about six months that I've been only half heartedly following the plan. I've paid for six months of meetings and what did I do with it? I piddled around! Six months.....that is 24 weeks! Using the 2 pounds per week (which is what I had been previously losing on average) that would have put me at 58 pounds! That is a far cry from the 5 pounds that I did lose in reality! Honestly, that makes me want to cry....because 58 pounds is actually even more than I need to lose to be at my weight watchers goal weight........and even more than I need to lose to be at my personal goal weight! I could have been there already if I had focused my attention and energy! I could have been sitting in those meetings for free as a lifetime member!

No more playing around. I'm either in this 100% or not at all! I refuse to waste my time, focus, energy and yes money on something that I'm not 100% behind! AND, I feel rejuvenated and ready to be on the lose weight bandwagon 100%! Hopefully in 6 months I'll be at goal!

Still kicking

It's been a while, but i've not fallen! Not to far at least! I'm still struggling to get in the exercise. I'm happy to say that I have ridden my bike a few times and walked once this week. That's a good thing at least! My weight is about down to my lowest point. So I'm happy about that! Course, it's been three weeks for me to get it there. BUT at least I'm there.

Right now my problem is eating out. I do relatively good at home. BUt when I go out, I just kinda go hogwild! We are probably going to go out to Hoss's tonight. I'm hoping that I can maintain some control. No...not hoping. I'm GOING to maintain control of my eating! :-) Plus, eat really light for lunch so that I have the points for dinner!

I've been able to regain control! PRetty much. I did sneak a bit today...but I don't think it will knock me off target. Now, I will say that I was dropping weight pretty rapidly...but now I'm kinda sitting still again...but that is because TOM is right around the corner (oh joy). BUT anyway, overall I'm pretty proud of myself!

Wowzers!

I did very good yesterday. I'm actually pretty stunned at how much the scales have dropped in the last few days. On Sunday or Monday (not sure which day) they were up at 198.4. I was hoping that a lot of that was water retention, becuase toward the end of alst week I was not at all diligent about drinking my water. So on Monday, even though I wasn't having the greatest day I tried to start getting my water in...and Tuesday also. So yesterday I weighed myself and found myself to be at 195.6. I was tickled....because even though MOnday and Tuesday were not good eating days, I was able to drop some weight (surely water). Yesterday, I did everything eating wise right (no exercise though) SO the your wondering about the scales today? Today, they were at (are you ready?) 193.6 That's like 5 pounds total!!!! And two pounds for yesterday alone!!!! That's pretty amazing. That puts me pretty close to where I was before I started gaining the other week! (before the week of July 4th!) I've got my eating for today planned out (with 6 points unused and unaccounted for...for that snack or whatever that I want tonight! Mostly fruits and veggies for me....good for me, and keeps my points low

I'm back

I've noticed that I've been not as active in my blog. I can see how that has directly correlated with my food journals. I haven't been keeping them up. Either one. I know that when I'm not journalling (either on my blog or in my food journal) that I don't do as well weight wise! I've tried half heartedly to write down my foods...but it just hasn't happened! Last night when I went to bed I just knew that I HAD to do this. I hadn't weighed myself in a few days...and I knew that I was up to 198.4 at my last weighing. All of a sudden, while I was shoving my face full of food, I realized that I could put myself over that 200 pound mark very easily! It scared the livin' out of me! That to me would be beyond awful! So, I awoke this morning KNOWING that I was going to be good. No if's and's or buts. I also told a bunch of people about my problems. Hoping that the accountablity will help! Thus far I've done pretty good. I've got my lunch planned (fruits and veggies) and my dinner planned. SO I'll be well within my points! I KNOW that today is the day that I'm going to turn this around.

Now for the surprising thing. I did my morning weigh in (yes, I try to weigh in daily). I was 195.6! I don't know how...but I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth! NOR am I going to do anything do jeopardize that weight! I want to take my weight back down to where it was before I gained that weight at last weeks weigh in! I've decided to not weigh in this week. I'm making it a personal challenge to weigh in next week at either my last weigh in weight (which was 2.4 pounds higher than my lowest) or lower........my biggest wish is that I'm down to my lowest weight again! But I'll be happy with a 'maintain' or better! :-) I was afraid that if I skipped my weigh in this week, that I'd be tempted to be bad again and skip another week! BUT, I know I can't do that....so I made it a personal competition!

No control whatsoever!

I've had no self control whatsoever in the last week or two! Even as I'm eating seemingly out of control (although still better than I would have done a couple years ago), I'm berating myself for doing it. I'm disgusted with myself and I hate it! But I keep doing it. It makes me ill when I think abou it!Every day I say, tomorrow is another day. I start my day with grand plans and then something happens to blow me out of the water and ruin my plans!

I've been very open and honest with some friends and the people in my challenge group. I'm hoping that that will help to keep me 'honest' and on the straight and narrow!

WOW!!!

Wow, the last two weeks have been....uhhhh not that great! I've been besieged with July 4th, then our party at our house a few days later. Then Alan and Cindy were in so I was eating out a LOT with them! (plus the goodies that mom had in the house for them were starring me in the face). THEN Todd and I had some vacation time...in which we did a bit of travelling (day trips). Bombarded! I have gained! I can however claim that I did better than I would have in recent years. I tried to chose healthier options. When I did knowingly chose a bad option, I kept it at a minimum. SO it could have been a whole lot worse!

Meanwhile, all that is behind me. I'm moving forward and I"m going to WIN! I'm determined! I've calculated my breakfast and lunch and I'm on track! Dinner will be a salad.....with a 2 point dressing (maybe three if I put a little extra on it), no cheese or croutons (I will have the points if I so desire the croutons though)......So I'll be well within my range of points...even adding in a serving of fruit tonight! I'll even have a few extra daily points to 'play' with!

Holiday weigh in

Ok, ok ok....I can't really blame it all on the holiday and the ensuing parties! It was me....pure and simple it was me. I just totally lost control! I ate things I shouldn't have! And I paid the price. I gained 2.4 pounds! I know that I can't let that happen! I need to kick myself into full gear and start losing more consitently. I KNOW I can do it! I know that it will take self discipline and will power on my end to do it though!

I thought about my day yesterday and I figured it out. For lunch we ended up going out for fast food. That threw me in a tailspin for a couple of different reasons. One of which is that it's not healthy for me. SO I went and I pondered the menu and chose what I thought would be the best options. As I was eating though, I calculated it all in my head and was sick to calculate that what I was eating was probably about 15 points or more! SOOOOO through the afternoon, I just kinda went wild with the brownies, rolls and icecream (not to mention the dinner that I had at mom's). I thought I screwed up and adopted the attitude of 'well, I messed up, I may as well enjoy the rest of the day also!" What made me even more sick......after I got home, I pulled out my eating out companion guide and looked up my meal. It was only 8 points! I didn't mess up at all! In fact, I did pretty darn good...THERE! How ironic is that?????

The scales at least did show me down a bit today....I don't know how though. I can only assume it is because I worked out yesterday morning and I played with the kids all afternoon long. That's my best guess! I'm still up...but hopefully by tomorrow I can be a bit further down so as not to post like a 3 pound gain! I'd rather not have any gain...but if I'm gonna have a gain I'd like it to be as small as possible!!!!!!

Control? What the heck is that? I say this because I have absolutely NONE! I was trying so hard today. AND I did got until I saw the wonderful bakery rolls....and 4 rolls later...and all I could think about was icecream! (Yes, I had the fat free ice cream also.) OUCH! CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL! I need some control!

MaryFran

Crazy crazy crazy

Funny thing. About a week ago we went out to eat with my parents. The next day my mom told me that my dad had made a comment about me. It was, "MaryFran is looking way to thin....her legs are looking like twigs" My dad has also since then made a few comments to me about having to fattening me up again. He said "we need to put a few pounds on you". CRAZY!

I find that when I'm single mindedly focused on losing weight that I do better. As crazy as that sounds! It scares me though...because I don't want this to be my sole focus for the rest of my life! My only consolation....I know that I have fallen off the bandwagon a good bit in the last few months and I've been able to maintain my weight (within like 5 pounds). That is a good thing! :-)

Todd said that he was worried about me. He is afraid that I'll get to my goal and then want to keep losing. He says that since I don't see the weight loss in myself that he's afraid that I'll be tempted to keep losing until I do see it. And since I don't really see 100+ pounds he's afraid that I won't see the difference with the next 30-40 pounds either. I assured him that I won't be that way! I'm so looking forward to being in that magical range of numbers that I won't do anything to budge outside of those numbers!

Lost .8 pounds last night. I'm pretty happy with that. That marks 3 straight weeks of a loss! I had been doing that lose one week, then gain the next. NEVER more than three weeks straight of a losing in more than 4 months! SO hopefully I've turned the corner! I am on edge though. We have mom's tonight for dinner...picnic stuff for their fireworks.....saturday is our big fourth of july party coordinating with the battlefield fireworks. THEN next week Todd and I are off for some vacation time. LOVELY. Oh yeah, in between....Alan and Cindy are in with the kids! SOOOO it should be two challenging weeks!

New job...new schedule....what the heck?

What the heck? I just can't seem to stop eating! I just want to eat and eat and eat! This is absolutely ridiculous! I know I've gained. I'm hoping that some of it is water retention from TOM! I can only hope! I've got to reign myself in! I'm struggling right now. I just had lunch and I'm fighting the urge to go into the kitchen and get a bite to eat! ARRRGGGHHH!

PLUS, I'm just not exercising like I should! ARRGGHH! I feel like I"m so close (compared to where I was) yet it's soo dang far away!

Weight fluctuation

Ok...weirdly enough, my weight had gone up two pounds again. On Friday it was down. Saturday up, Sunday down and today back up! I'm hoping it follows the trend and that tomorrow, weigh in day is good! I'm trying to make sure I drink enough water today, in case that's it!

Oh well!

Why???

Why oh why did I get a footlong sub at Subway??? Yes, at least I ate one of the 'healthier' options! But a footlong sub! Now I'm hungry...and I squandered all my points on that sub! Ok, at least I had the points to eat it! :-)

Looking good!

I've been doing very good this week I feel! I know, the scales could totally prove me a liar on Tuesday...but I think it's gonna be good! The only thing that could possibly derail me is the fact taht i'm starting a new job on Monday....and I'm not sure how good it would look if I showed up with my 64 ounce mug! I'm thinking about taking a couple bottles of water in my purse. Because the last thing I want to do is dehydrate the day before my weigh in! Or the day of! Oh heck..... But if that happens...then the next week it will all even out! I've exercised pretty much every day. I didn't "exercise" per say yesterday. However, I mowed over at the other place....for FOUR hours straight. Uhhhh remember, I'm mowing with a PUSH MOWER! I walked more than 15,000 steps in those four hours alone! So it wasn't an organized exercise but it was exercise! :-)

Gym

Went to the g ym today. I started with 20 minutes of weight training. Then I did 55 minutes of cardio! Felt good...UNTIL I picked up a blister on my foot. I was aiming for 60 minutes...but the blister thing....ouch! I worked through about 20 minutes of blister...and finally with 5 minutes left I just was at the end of my limits with it! :-) I ate relatively healthy today also. Within my daily points! Even with eating out for lunch I did ok, so I'm happy!

I'm getting excited to wear my new clothes that I got for my new job! Some aren't exactly what I'd wear...but they were the right price! I think that is part of the reason I've made sure to stay totally OP this week. I all of a sudden realized a bit ago that I bought all my new clothes to fit JUST perfect...on the tight side! If I gain ANYTHING...they will be button popping tight! NOT a good thing! So, I need to lose to get them to a comfortable point! BUT, they will last longer that way! :-)

My stomachs been acting weird the last day or two.....really odd! Kinda hurts off and on. Oh well...hopefully whatever it is will pass quickly!

Picture perfect plan!

I've decided that this CHristmas that Todd and I are going to get our pictures taken together. We haven't had it done since our wedding. It's high time . (That will actually be 5 1/2 years!) PLUS...I've lost a lot of weight! If I work really hard, I should be able to be at my goal by then! Oh yeah...I'm taking those pictures and getting the 'christmas cards' to send out to the world announcing the new and improved MaryFran!!!

On top of my game!

I've been doing sooo good this week! I was afraid that I would be sneaking and cheating this week....as it's my last week at the deli. Therefore it's technically my last week to sneak snitches of this food or that food! I've only got one day left and I'm hoping to be strong on it! I've packed my lunch for work...and after breakfast and lunch I'll have 18 points for dinner tonight. Wait...I have grapes for my snack at work...so 17 for dinner. Dinner is actually pretty low points...like 8-10 points! So I'm doing VERY good today! I can splurge for a dessert cup or something tonight! :-) I don't think they are doing anything special for me to commemorate my last day....I'm only going across the street AND everyone knows I'm watching what I eat. But, regardless, I saved some extra points aside!

I've already exercised this morning! Wooo hoooo! 45 minutes! So that's two mornings in a row that I've got up and done it! I feel good about it!

Scales moved down about another pound today! If I can stay on my game, this week should be a GOOD ONE!