MaryFran, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Today was the massage. Well, I still am quite sore. :-) But at least I don't have that shooting absolutely miserable pain that just takes my breath away. She felt my back and she was like...ohhhh your back is just a hard mass. Normally muscles are soft and pliable...uhhh not mine. My trapezius and the erector muscles on the left side are totally seized up and the right side is really tense (she said it'sbecause I've been so stiff and sore on the left that it is just naturally affecting the other side). She wasn't able to even work the muscle enough to take the pain away....it is apparently going to be a couple visit deal. So I have another appointment next week.

At the ride on sunday they are apparently going to have massages for a $1 a minute donation. I may try to sneak in and get a short massage on my shoulder. In the meantime, the therapist told me to continue with the heating pad, take warm baths after working out, and soak in the tub with epsom salt.

Meanwhile, my eating is out of control! I just can't seem to stop eating. I do not know what is up with me. That coupled with the fact that I am feeling absolutely lackadaisical about exercise and riding my bike! What is wrong with me???

Ok, so last night I gave into tempation...and the food friend thing a bit. Todd wanted dinner rolls..so I whipped some up. With half the batch of bread dough (I made a sweeter dough) I made the dinner rolls. But with the other half, I made cinnomon rolls. Uhh yeah. we each had cinamon rolls for dessert and then we each had two for breakfast this morning. They are gone..no more.

Sooo this morning I was just really fearful about stepping on the scales. It's been a couple days since I was on the scales. And of course, if you know me.....I did have some dough that I ate. Hey, I can't help it! But step on those scales I did. And my weight was down to 201.0...which is 1.2 pounds down since Saturday. WOOOHOOOOO

I have been very lax about exercising these last few days. I say I'm going to...but when the time comes I just don't. Part of it is sheer laziness. Part of it is the back/shoulder pain. (the back pain just isn't easing up...and in fact, today is the worst that it has been!). BUT this morning I did it. I woke up an extra hour ahead of schedule and rode the exercise bike for 50 minutes.

Wacky Weekend

Saturday was one of those days where we didn't do a single solitary thing. Not one! We watched movies all afternoon and just in general lounged around the house. Sadly enough I didn't even exercise...because afterall, I was planning a huge ride for Sunday...so all was good.

THEN Sunday arrived. I was dressed and ready for a long ride outside...and well, unforseen circumstances occured. This is not the forum for me to air those circumstances but lets just say that by lunchtime I was wiped out emotionally, physically, mentally and plain in just every way. And exercise was the furthest thing from my mind. There went my long ride.

But the day didn't get better. I went outside to mow the yard. I pulled out the riding lawn mower. This is the same mower that was part of the mower saga last year. And oh that mower saga was on going, it occured here and here and here and here. I could go on and one and continue finding references to that darn mower. (the saga continued for more than two months...during the middle of summer...so I didn't have a mower to take care of my yard as tha brand new piece of crap was broken). SOOOOO yesterday I went out and went to the lawn mower. Got ready to crank it up...and low and behold...surprise surprise, it didn't work. Can you believe it???? SOOO I did the only thing I could...I pulled out the small push mower and mowed our yard with a push mower. Don't stress...it only takes about 3-4 hours (if I go fast and skip some of the outer reaches) with the push mower. LEt me say, that this mower was given to us by my dad. He didn't like it because it is really heavy and hard to push. SO it's three to four hours of hard work! Yep....that's my afternoon for yesterday. (As a side note, Todd pushed for 5 minutes and it wiped him out..yet I went for hours). When I was done, I didn't have any sore areas...but I was just tired and achy. THis morning however, my shoulder (yes, the same shoulder that has been bothering me now for weeks) is in agony! Oh well.

SO we went out to eat last night. We went to Charlestown and went to a local diner. Good food. We did splurge and we split a piece of cheesecake. YUM>

We came home and settled down to watch a movie together. And that is when we heard it. The crawl space under us is open as we are doing some repairs. We heard what sounded like animals running all around in our heat ducts....which are in the crawl space. The inside cats were going CRAZY. We got flashlights and went out and looked to see if it was even possible for an animal to get in the duct (they should be sealed right). Well, it didn't take long to see that one of the ducts has come loose (where it connects to the vent coming up through the floor). PEACHY. SOOO we rigged it so the 'animal' (don't want to know what) could get out and we went to bed. Today Todd will be fixing that when he gets off of work.

SOOOO what did my stress filled day teach me? It showed me that when things are rough...I think about food. I do self medicate my feelings with food. I just wanted to eat and eat and eat yesterday. I thought about food and how good it would taste and how good I would feel while eating it. Happily, I can say that I also thought about how miserable I would feel (emotionally and physically) if I gave in to that temptation. And thus, other than splitting a dessert with my husband I didn't cave.

closet eater

Weight dropped this morning. I'm slowly recouping the gain that I had after our anniversary celebration.

Yesterday I was talking to my boss and I admited that when todd is not home in the evenings I struggle. WHY? Becuase I'm a closet eater. When he's at home I"m not tempted to eat 'extras'. But when he is not there, I am extremely tempted to eat. I think I'll get a cracker and instead of one cracker I eat fistfuls of crackers and I put peanut butter or some other topping on them. If he's home, I'll eat one.....which is good. But it bears looking at...why do I lose control when he's not there. Yeah yeah, the closet eater syndrome. But, I'm proud to say that last night I didn't mess up. Yeah, I had my dessert and I used each and every point that I had left (and one flex/ap point). But I didn't just eat and eat and eat for the sake of eating. That's not saying that I didn't want to. But I managed to control that urge.

I've found that this eating thing is more difficult at our current house. It is an open floor plan...so the kitchen is open to the living room. SO I can be in here and see the kitchen...and the power of suggestion is a huge huge huge temptation for me. At our old place, the kitchen was in a room...off on it's own. (bad because I hated to cook in it because I was off by myself.) But it was good becuase when I was on my computer the kitchen was literally two rooms away. If I was in the living room, I could see the regular sized door leading to the kitchen...but I couldn't actually see the kitchen. I couldn't actually see the bread on the counter (which sparks me to think about toast.....which in turn leads me to want toast!). The power of suggestion was not there staring me in the face!

SOOOO a new phase and a new lesson to learn as I progress along this journey!

I am getting excited about the bike ride. Tomorrow I'll be able to start watching the forecasted weather via the 10 day forcast online. Pray pray pray for nice weather!!!

My weight had jumped up on Tuesday and was still high (went up a bit further) yesterday. Today it dropped a bit. WHEW! I am determined to get this weight off!!!!

Not much else here. I was at the gym yesterday and rode this morning...so I'm still as active as possible. :-)

The day after report

Had a great meal out. It is sometimes fun to go out dressed nicely. I had dressed up yesterday for work, in anticipation for going out to eat. When I got home from work, my husband was wearing his good clothes also. I ate yummy food at the restaurant. We did indulge in the chips and salsa on the table (I love really thin tortilla chips...and the salsa/dip at this place is incredible). Todd got a margarita, which I did take a couple of sips from...however I stuck to my water. We each got a papusa for an appetizer. And for my meal I got the Lomo Saltado. It is a beef dish which marks probably the 4th time I've had beef in the last 7 of 8 months. The dish was quite tasty. (more on the beef discovery later). Todd and I declined dessert at the restaurant and instead decided to go home and have our dessert. NO NO NO....that came out wrong, let me rephrase. We declined dessert at the restaurant and instead decided to go home and make mudslides at home. One of the main reasons...at home we can control the type of ice cream used. Because you can guarantee that if you get a mudslide out, that they are not using fat free or even low fat ice cream! :-) So we stopped at the store on the way home and I picked up some fat free ice cream and voila, we had a nice treat at home (with the addition of the vodka and Kahlua).

Beef. When I first gave it up I never really missed it...but occasionally I'd break ranks and eat a little beef. At first when I did eat it, it was like rapture. It would taste soooo good. But the longer I have gone without, when I do eat beef it has become less and less tasty when I do get it. My meal was great last night, the veggies and sauce and all that stuff in the lomo was really really good...but I found the meat to be lackluster. I can only wonder, is this normal?????

Sooooo, this morning I really debated....weigh or not? I know that I ate a little more food than I probably should have. But I did it knowingly and freely acknowledging that I may gain from that choice. So I stepped onto the scale this morning and...... 203.0. So yep, up about a pound and a half. I can handle that. Plus, is it possible to gain a pound and a half in one day? I don't really think so. The chips and the mudslide were what pushed me over my points...but were they really worth a pound and a half.....5250 calories????? No worries...I'm back on track today and it will go down! :-)

anniversary preparations

Happy Anniversary to me!!!! Wedding anniversary that is. Today is our 7 year wedding anniversary. This year we decided to stay at home and continue on with our normal routines and celebrate by going out to a nice dinner. We will be taking some time/days off of work later this month, so that will be our mini anniversary trip. SOOO this morning, I woke up, wished my husband happy anniversary and after a quick breakfast he was off to work. I started thinking and decided to hit up the gym as we are going out to eat tonight. That sentence doesn't make sense? Well, I knew that going out to eat tonight, I wouldn't have time to get a nice good exercise workout in tonight. But the biggest thought in my head was food. I'll be eating yummy food. (Todd and I have pretty much already decided that we would indulge and get some papusa as an appetizer...and of course they do put out chips and a dip). So if I eat yummy food, it seemed apropos to workout this morning and try to negate some of that food. :-)

My weight stayed exactly the same today. Crazy because I rode hard yesterday. But oh well...no worries. :-)

Sunday Update

Dropped again. Yessir-ee-bob. My weight dropped again this morning. Not much. And not that I expect huge drops each and everyday. But I do like to see the numbers slowly but surely go down!

This morning I headed out on my bike and rode for 21 miles. I was actually hoping to go longer, but I had to get back because my parents were going to be picking us up as we were going to lunch together. This long biking stuff really does take time out of a busy schedule! Yeah yeah yeah, I could have gone earlier, but earlier it was a heck of a lot colder! I rode most of the time by myself but then when I was at a predetermined point, I called home and Todd rode out and met me, so I had company for the last 2-3 miles. That was nice and made those last few miles...those miles that always seem to drag on endlessly, fly by!

Went to a little diner in the next small town over from where I live. (Betty's in Shepherdstown). The food was fabulous as always. I got a half of a turkey sub (no cheese...lots of veggies on it), applesauce and a side of green beans. Man, did that food ever taste good! Food tastes so much better after a good workout! I did splurge and eat about a third of a helping of bread pudding that had a whiskey sauce on it. Nope, not the healthiest thing, but I have the points for it today. Dinner tonight for me will be lots of fresh fruits and veggies. So even without really breaking into the AP's or flex points, I'll be ok on my pointage!

Water was not the wisest option yesterday!

Hmmm, I thought I wrote a post yesterday. I guess I didn't! Oops. Not that there is nothing new to report. I'm plugging along. I'm eating withing my food budget so I'm happy. I did see a jump on the scales yesterday morning. I knew there would be a jump even before I weighed myself. How did I know this? Was it because I ate like a demon the night before? NOPE, I had eaten really good the day before, however I woke up thirsty as all get out. When I wake up thirsty, it's not a good sign. (By the time we get thirsty, our bodies are already somewhat dehydrated). And that sign is usually a bit of a jump upward on the scales. I was right .6 of a pound up. It's all good.

So I endeavored to drink up yesterday. Well, at least that was the plan. I got to work and commenced drinking. And then the toilets started backing up. Now this is a on-going problem we have here. They back up, we call the plumber, they scratch their heads and just 'wonder' why in the world the lines are getting clogged up. They open the lines and they leave. 2-3 months later it happens again. SOOOOO yesterday this happened again. We called, they showed up at about 11:30 and commenced working. We lucked out and got a guy that actually was determined to find out why this is happening so consistently. He was here for 5 hours or so....and oh yeah, he found out. (The sewage line connecting our building to the city sewer lines is apparently gone.....corroded away.). They'll be back beginning of next week to determine where the pipe ends and where they need to dig...and then digging will commence (most likely in lane two of the drive through...haa haa haa). BUT, all of this to say that we had no bathrooms. We had to go elsewhere (like drive home...only 2.5 miles) So I put a halt to the water consumption. Well, not a halt, but I slowed it down! YIKES!

So today I'm back at work. (I won't even go into the bathroom restrictions that are placed upon us at this time.....eeeewwwwww). I'm going to work on my water and not worry too much, because I'll be going home in 4 hours.

Oh yeah, so with not drinking much water yesterday...my weight dropped 2/10ths of a pound. I'll take it!

Is it wrong of me to gather motivation from the fact that come this winter when the family member is babbling about how much weight they have lost through their surgery that I want to have a smokin' hot body so that I can know in my heart that I did it on my own. (woah...what a terrible run on sentence). Is that too prideful? Hmmm??? Well, even if it is...that is my motivation. I want to be able to sit at the holiday meal table smokin' hot...me with my svelte body and know that I did it on my own....without the risks associated with surgery! And know that I'm healthy! Yeah, that probably makes me a bad person. Oh well....that's me.

Got up this morning and made bagels. Well, I finished the bagels (I had actually made the dough and formed them yesterday...and then per the instructions left them in the fridge overnight). Todd and I had bagels hot from the oven at about 7Am (well, maybe 7:30). I was on the exercise bike by 8AM...and I rode until 10! Whew! I thought that I blew my intake budget of food because I caved in and had peanut butter on my banana...but when I took a closer look I realized that all was well in food budget land.

Weight 202.0

Got up early this morning and went right to work. I stripped the sheets off the bed, washed them. I went ahead and washed the comforter (it's out on the line). I dried a few things in the dryer and folded and put that stuff away, and I exercised for 70 minutes. Yep, all before I came to work. So i had a productive morning.

Now for the bad part. For breakfast I had the rest of the dessert cups from last night. Uhhh yeah, 3 of them. I did have a banana with them. Does that make it a healthy breakfast? I mean, I had my grain (the flour tortillas were whole wheat), milk (milk in the mousse like filling) and the banana added the fruit!!! Calorie wise, I was still ok after my dessert cup breakfast. But as I was done with exercising, and I was dressed and ready to go, for some reason my hand strayed into the leftover dinner rolls. YIKES! SO there that negates my 70 minutes of exercise. I was honestly planning on riding again tonight for about 60 minutes, so I guess that's a definite now. (I usually ride for the first half of TBL..and then relax for the second half). The whole way to work (all 2.5 miles of it) I was mentally kicking myself in the butt for eating! WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!

Tonight dinner is leftover lasagna. There were two pieces left...so taht's what we are having for dinner....with a nice salad. I have to stay away from the dinner rolls!!!!!

Hail, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Yesterday I was pondering exercise and if I should go outside and ride or if I should 'wimp' out and ride on the exercise bike. After all, it was calling for rain! AND the roads were wet! I mean, come on! But, I started to think and realized that on the day of my bike ride, I may be riding on wet roads. I may be riding in rain. I won't have a say in it. SOOOOO, I put on my new rain jacket, popped my cell phone into a pocket, turned on the ipod and away I went. 18.5 miles later and I was home. It didn't rain or anything on me. All was good. My legs actually felt find also! I probably would have gone further, but I had given a time that I would be home so that my husband and I could run some errands, and that time was drawing nigh.

SOooo....I got brave thinking a little rain couldn't hurt me!!! Whew...was I wrong. You see, shortly after I got back it did start to rain....and then it started to hail! A LOT! Thank heavens I wasn't out on my bike during that hail storm!!!

Yesterday evening I made food for tonight. We are having company (and they will be here at 6:30....and I don't get off of work until shortly after 6~~we close at 6...so how ever long it takes us to close up and balance our drawers). SO I made lasagna and prepared stuff for a salad. I also made tortilla dessert cups. They as so good and actually somewhat not too bad for me. :-) So I sit here now...the house is clean, the table is set and I'll be leaving for work soon!

Remnants of hail storm

Remnants of hail storm, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Goin' Solo

Well, as I wrote yesterday, I went solo. So the question this morning is how in the world did I do flying solo without that crutch?

Well....I got home from work at about 6:15. Todd was not to be home until later, so I was on my own for dinner. No problem. When this occurs I am tickled to have a pb&J or grilled cheese and tomato soup. I opted for the grilled cheese route. Not a problem. I make it as healthy as possible and besides that, I was ok on my food budgeting for the day to allow for that soup and sandwich. I've had a lot on my mind the last few days and yesterday evening it was just all there. I was thinking about 'things' while I made dinner. I went into auto pilot mode. Looking back I do remember wondering why I didn't get enough cheese out of the fridge, but no problem, I just went and got the extra that I needed. I plated my food and sat down to eat. Since I was alone I decided to be ultra impolite (to myself??) or whatever the reason was that my mom always spouted when i tried this......and I opened my book and read while I was eating. Not a problem (shhhh don't tell mom, but I do this a lot when I'm alone). I was finishing up when all of a sudden I realized what i had done. Oh my word.....on auto pilot, I didn't make one sandwich! I made the old MaryFran's portion of sandwiches....and still in auto-pilot (and reading to drown my thoughts) I ATE THEM ALL! They were tasty...I'll say that. (As a side note...and actually rather amusing, I was in doubt about what I did.....so I actually looked in the garbage can to count the cheese wrappers, to find out how much I really did eat.) My stomach has been telling me that I didn't eat correctly yesterday too! But that quick...I took my eyes and thought off of what I was doing and I slipped into the old ways.

Lets talk about the old ways. The old ways are not just a week or two in the past. They are not even a month or two in the past. The old ways are literally YEARS past! I have been living this healthier lifestyle for a couple years! And these old ways are still deeply buried???? YIKES! I've always known that this would be a lifelong quest....but I didn't realize the extent that this stuff is buried.

Sooooo....lesson learned. Although honestly, other than giving myself a mental slap every once in a while while I'm cooking and eating to keep myself focused I don't know how to prevent against something like last night happening. It happened before I even realized it.

Cutting the apron strings

Weight watchers will always have a soft spot in my heart. Weight watchers helped motivate me and get me over a hump in my weight loss journey. But I really do feel that my time at weight watchers is at an end for the time being. Yes, I may go back eventually. (I've always said that the lifetime thing is a godsend because it would help keep constant accountability). However at this time, the meetings are just not doing it for me. Firstly, getting to a meeting is no longer a priority. When I do go to a meeting, I've struggled finding one that fits me schedule and my needs. So i have decided to stop spending $40 a month to not attend any weight watchers meetings. As I said, I will probably go back later......I can't predict the future though. But for right now my official weight watcher days are over. I'm a little sad and a little worried. Paying that monthly fee each month has been a bit of a crutch for me.....always reminding me that "I'm paying good money to lose weight...so LOSE it" But in the long run I have to look at myself and where I am.

I will forever be grateful to the weight watchers program for what it taught me. I learned and shaped my eating. I learned to make healthier options instead of simply eating nutritionally empty foods. I learned to manage and budget my eating. I learned that I can do it. But on that same breath, that crutch that weight watchers was for me I think has also become somewhat of a hindrance. I need to stand up on my on two feet and finish this journey the way I started....on my own.

So, just 5 minutes ago, I logged onto the weight watchers website and cut the financial ties to weight watchers. I am officially on my own again. I'll be honest. I'm scared to death! But I know in my heart that this is the right choice for me.

*****

My weight this morning...UP UP UP and away. I'm hoping a good deal of that is water retention because of the wonderful monthly cycle. I'm also just incredibly thirsty this morning. I'm swallowing the water at a pretty fast rate. (who knows what's up with that). I've already ridden on the exercise bike for about 45 minutes this morning and I hope to ride again this evening. :-) I am however almost at the end of the Australian Biggest Loser...I'll be looking for something else to watch on youtube...anyone have any great ideas????

Confession

Yesterday started out great. I ate my cheerios, checked my email and then Todd and I headed off to the gym. I worked out for about 70 minutes. It was actually a pretty decent workout so I'm good with that. We left the gym and I went to the vehicle emissions testing place and had my emissions test done on my car. (yep, passed.....not that I was expecting anything else). After that we had the big 'where are we going to eat discussion'. We ended up at Golden Corral. (EVERY local place we stopped at was closed for some odd reason). I actually did really good. I had a salad with a small amount of dressing and just a sprinkle of cheese. That was my first plate. The second plate had ALL veggies..and the good thing about the GC is that they steam a lot of their veggies. The third and final plate had fruit and my sole collection of 'bad food'. I had one little spoon (one bite) of mac and cheese, one little bite of potato salad, and one hush puppy. Todd and I split the hush puppy and I didn't eat the potato salad...after looking at it it looked funky.

Before I go on....that was not three FULL plates of food. For example, my second plate of food had a scoop of green beans, two spears of steamed broccoli and a scoop of steamed carrots and maybe one or two 'clumps' (what's the word I want to use?) of steamed cauliflower. And that was the extent of plate two. Plate three had a small scoop of mandarin oranges, about 10 grapes and the aforementioned 'bad food'. The salad plate was...well mostly lettuce..and about 1/4-1/2 of a plate full. So three plates...but little food on each plate. :-)

As we were driving home, we were talking about dinner (yeah, isn't that so sad...just finish lunch and already discussing what we were going to eat for dinner). Todd asked for homemade pizza. I knew that was a bit high in points/calories so I planned on cleaning the house and then hitting the exercise bike to help compensate for some of the extra calories/points. Uhhhhhhh I never made it that far. I did however spend a good deal of time cleaning the house. AND ~~hanging head in shame!~~ I ate half of the pizza. 16 points worth of pizza (at least it was somewhat healthy....fat free cheese and whole wheat crust!!!). And if that wasn't enough....we watched a movie later in the evening and I made popcorn!!! (air-popped....but I did add some low cal spray butter).

Ack! too much food.

"Did you order something?"

"Did you order something?", originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

This box has been laying by my desk for the last few days. The cats have been sniffing around it from day one. But being as it's a small box, no on attempted to get in it....until today. Ahhhhh how can people live without animals...they are always good for a chuckle!

Well, apparently the family member is going under the knife this upcoming Friday to have the gastric bypass surgery. There is nothing that I can do. I was talking to my mom and while she thinks it is a crazy decision that this family member made, my mom was defending this persons choice. Why is she defending it? Because of a 'study' out there that shows that for diabetics they have found that within a few weeks post op that these newly gastric bypassed people are no longer diabetic. (first of all I said, who's doing this study...most likely the same doctors that are getting rich off of performing the surgeries) I started to argue the point that these patients are no longer diabetic because they are no longer eating the foods that cause their blood sugars to skyrocket and plummet! My mom was saying, "no, it's the surgery". I reminded her about the fact that ALL of the diabetics on the biggest loser turn it around and are no longer diabetic short way through the show! And they didn't have surgery. It's diet!!! My mom just doesn't want to hear it...because that pushes the fault of her type II diabetes even more fully onto her shoulders. Breaks my heart.

As expected, my weight popped up a bit this morning. Frustrating, but I know why (TOM) so I'm not worried about it. Eating...still plugging along and trying to be really conscious of points and calories!

Really considering dropping weight watchers. The only thing that is keeping me a member is the fact that if I can just get my weight down a bit more, I'll be back to lifetime status...and that is a good card to have in my pocket! Wimped out yesterday in reference to the outdoor bike ride. I ended up riding inside! :-) Hey, it was cold and windy!

Focus on weight loss. My focus is on weight loss! Yeah, I'm keeping up with other obligations and commitments, but my focus is on my weight and health!

I was emailing a friend this morning and encouraging her to take control of her eating and exercise. I reminded her to think about how good she feels when she is eating right. And all of a sudden I remembered the pride and confidence that I feel when I personally am making wise choices in my eating. Yes, some of the confidence that I experience is tied to the scales or how my clothes are feeling. But there is a huge portion that is directly related to my choices of food when it comes to eating. Being in control of something that rules my life, that rules my decisions is so powerful that words can not describe it. Eating a healthy meal, choosing a healthy meal at a restaurant, making wise decisions about food is the best confidence builder.

I've been actually doing really good. I have a friend that's been telling me that it is very possible that I've been under eating. I had a hard time believing this as I've never under eaten in my entire life! Heck, I've been stubborn about it! (sorry Sherry for doubting you) But this past week when i actually 'accidentally' ate more and started losing....yikes! Could she have been right? Sooo yesterday, I consciously watched every bite I ate. I was determined that I would eat roughly half of my activity points for the day. (I'm also doing a parallel calorie count on fitday.com......and I'm watching my calories burned versus my intake of calories). And I did. I ate over my normal allowance for points and/or calories

So the results.....this morning, even after eating more food than normal yesterday...I dropped again! I'm back in the one hundreds. 199.2 I'm trying to not get excited about being back in onderland. Simply because the ick is around the corner and that usually pops my weight back up a pound or two....so realistically I may backtrack...short term though!

My last thought of the day is a saying that I used to keep as my mantra. It was Think Thin. "think thin" really sums it up. I have to 'think thin' when I'm making my decisions. I have to think about how badly I want to be thin when making my food choices and when I'm deciding how long to exercise. I have to keep those thin goals first and foremost in my head and "Think Thin"