A busy month to unpack and share

 Has it really been a month since I last posted?  Well, it has been a bit less than a month, but we may as well call it a month!  Life has been crazy!  There is so much to share.  I need to give an update on my Noon experience.  I have been out exploring the world around me a bit.  Zoey had a birthday.  We had a wedding anniversary.   Last but not least, I really need to discuss the elephant in the room in regards to my weight and fitness journey.  I’m telling you, there is a lot to unpack and share.   I am not going to have time to get into everything today….so let me give you a run down on what I’ve been doing in the last month.  Buckle up and let’s see where the last month took me. In no particular order!

Zoey Turned Two

As I am writing this post, it is super early in the morning and Jason is still in bed sleeping.  Zoey has come out of the bedroom to hang with me and has commandeered the couch, where she is stretched out, upside down, hogging pretty much the whole couch and snoozing away.   To say she is a bit spoiled is a serious understatement!  With that in mind is it any surprise that we spoiled her like crazy for her birthday?   On the day of her birthday, she got a new toy and I made her a doggy cake.  (It had apples, peanut butter and an egg as the main ingredients).  She did share that with the bird (who also loved it).   Then on the weekend Jason made her a steak dinner. Ok, I think he may have wanted to just make himself a steak dinner and Zoey was the excuse.  Especially considering he is still talking about how good HIS steak was and her birthday was more than three weeks ago!  Zoey gobbled that steak and sweet potato down!  There was no hesitation there!   She also got three new toys over the weekend and I bought some doggy cookies for her. (They smelled and looked like fig newtons…but were supposed to taste like bacon and cheese…..No, I didn’t try them personally!)  I would say that the dog had a pretty good birthday! 

 

Staying Busy

In my last post, I talked the fact that I have more vacation days allotted to me than Jason, meaning that I have random days where I am off work by myself with nothing to do.   Those days have been difficult for me as I used to spend them with my mom, they now open me up to that all encompassing grief that overtakes your soul.  And grief is ok, it’s part of life, it’s part of loving someone and having been loved by someone. But I decided a while back to not sit around the house and wallow in the grief.  That would not be honoring to my mom. Although, I can hear mom jokingly saying, “I expect you to sit and cry each of those days that I’m not there to go out to lunch with you.”   You think I’m joking?  This is the woman that was apologizing to me the night of her stroke. She had been airlifted to a different hospital  I had just driven the four hours to be with her in Pittsburgh hospital and we were sitting in the ER there when she apologized.  Of course I told her not to worry about it, and I made a comment to the effect that, ‘this is what family does, and if it were me laying in the hospital bed, I know you would be here beside me”   She looked at me and clear as a bell said “No I wouldn’t, I would be at the beach”   I KNOW that comment was a joke!   SO yeah, I can hear her jokingly say that she would expect me to mourn and cry on those days.  But I also know that mom wouldn’t want that.  She would expect me to go on living.  She would demand that I get out and go to lunch and do something. SO, that is what I have started to do.   I wrote about this grief and how I handled a day off at the beginning of September.  I wrote about how I sent exploring and had a great day. (You can read about that here.)

I was riding high on my successful day of not succumbing and allowing grief to overtake my day and started to think about my next day off, which would be two weeks later.  I came up with a tentative plan and then had the brain child idea to ask my oldest nephew to ride along with me!   We visited the Old Jail in Chambersburg and the John Brown House also located in Chambersburg, Pennsylvania. Jason and I had visited the Old Jail back in 2017 and while I had already experienced it, I knew it was worth a second visit. The John Brown house?  Who knew there was a John Brown house in Chambersburg, so that would be a new tour for me!  Our tour guide was…..well, he was nice.  He led us on both the old jail tour and the John Brown house tour.  He knew the tour information amazingly well.  However, extraneous questions that we asked were hit or miss in terms of getting an answer.  We walked away happy that we had visited.

 

Before the day was over, my nephew and I had made tentative plans to do ‘something’ on my next days off.  Yes, two weeks later I had two days off without Jason.  (Seriously, he needs a job with more vacation time!)  We didn’t know what we wanted to do so we spent some time researching.   We settled on Renfrew Museum and Park in Waynesboro.  The grounds are open free for public use, but they had a farmstead tour that would give you access to the interior of the buildings and we were interested.  Sign us up!   

 

This farmstead tour was another guided tour with a tour guide.  And I don’t know how in the world my nephew and I got another one, but we did.  We got another tour guide who was AMAZING at conveying the information on the official tour.  She had memorized the tour and did a great job.   She however was not able to answer a single solitary extraneous question that we asked.  “Can you tell me about that table beside the window”.  Nope.   “What is that device in the kitchen used for?”  I have no clue was her answer.    Seriously, items in the house and on the property were not marked and the workers didn’t have a clue about what they were.  Things in the museum we asked about and they had no clue!  NO worries though, we still enjoyed the tour and our visit to Renfrew.      Renfrew made me truly appreciate the museums where they have a notebook in each room with information about every item so that if a tour guide is asked a question about an item that they do not know that they can readily supply an answer!  

 

My nephew and I may have been done for that day, but our grand tour was not complete yet.  The next day we reconvened at the Hagerstown, Maryland City Park.   We have both been to the City Park numerous times.  In fact, both of us have toured the Train Museum and The Hager House before.  But we chose to go hit up the City Park due to the fact that the 202 may be going away.  What pray tell is the 202?  That is  a steam engine that was gifted to the “children of Hagerstown” by the Westen Maryland Railroad back in 1953.  I can not tell you how many times I visited the 202 in my life.   Way too many to count.   Seriously, we have pictures when my parents brought my brother when he was a baby…and the visits continued through all the years.  My brother and then my two nephews have always been intrigued with trains, is it because of the 202?  Quite possible!    So, this steam engine has been part of my life for each of my (almost) 52 years.  It has been announced that the City is in negotiations to divest itself of the 202 once and for-all.  (They tried once before about 20-30 years ago, but the engine ended up back in their possession after a few years.)   The train hub museum was closing for the season and who know if the steam engine would be there next year, so I knew I had to go see it for maybe my final time…..my farewell visit.

SO off we went!   We visited the Train Hub Museum.  The employee at this museum was the worst one yet.  He actually had no clue and gave us incorrect information on at least one instance.  This museum was small.  So very small. We are not sure what they will do with that museum if they take away the 202.  Because the 202 is the focal piece of the museum.  Other than the steam engine there are only  few caboose (or is it Cabeese  or maybe Ca-bi for plural) and a few artifacts .  And even with the caboose, only one is there for touring, the others are in a state of disrepair.  So, farewell said.   Although, it may not be a final farewell.  I did learn that they are in negotiations with the Western Maryland Scenic Railroad to have them take the steam engine, refurbish it and use it for one of their train excursions.  So conceivably, I could at some time in the future ride on a train that is pulled by the 202 steam engine.   That is the silver lining.

 

We walked through the park and took a stroll through the Mansion House Art Gallery.  This is an art gallery that is dedicated to local artists.   We enjoyed ourselves there also.  We did like some of the art, but admittedly, may have been a bit critical of some.  But to each his own!

We also decided to tour the Hager House that is also located in City Park.  The Hager House is the original house that was built by Jonathan Hager, the founder of Hagerstown.    Here is where we struck gold in terms of tour guides!  Our guide was FABULOUS!  There was not a question that we asked that he didn’t have an answer for.  And I will tell you that we asked a lot….and some of the questions I had a vague idea of the answer and he confirmed it and expounded on the information (letting me know that he wasn’t blowing smoke and making up answers.)  Both Riley and I were impressed with him and his knowledge.   He knew his stuff and that is saying something when it is coming from two people that are fascinated with history and two people that have life long roots in Hagerstown.  

 

My nephew and I have started to talk about our next adventure.  Because yes, there will be a day or two upcoming before the end of the year where I am off work while Jason works!  Aviation Museum?   Finding Fort Duncan?  Who knows!  But stay tuned.

Jason and I have also gotten out a bit.  We took the dog and went hiking at Kings Gap Environmental Center, which is considered a state park in Pennsylvania.   It was the first time we had been hiking in a LONG time.  Neither of us had been to this state park and we were both impressed with the area and plan on going back.   It felt good to get outside in nature again!  Zoey was a trooper but SOOO tired after hiking! 

We also explored the Mont Alto State Park.  This is the oldest state park in Pennsylvania.  It’s only 24 acres, and we have used the parking lot to hike in Michaux State Forest but we never actually explored the actual park. We did walk in the woods but it was very short as the park is very small. 

 

Last but not least, Jason ad I also headed to the Pine Grove Furnace State Park.  This park is also in Pennsylvania.  This was a drizzly wet day so we didn’t hike far, but we did walk around and explore a bit. But the main reason I wanted to go there was to visit the Appalachian Trail Museum.   We had also been to that museum years ago (which I talked about here), but I wanted to see it again.  I am so glad I did, they expanded it quite a bit! And it was a great way to spend a drizzly day.  

 

Wedding Anniversary

I have laughed and said that I celebrated my wedding anniversary with my nephew and not my husband since I spent the day with my nephew!   The day we went to Renfrew  Park and Museum was my wedding anniversary and my husband had to work. Jason just recently just switched jobs and couldn’t get it off…no worries, we are both off on a week-long vacation now.   I still celebrated with my husband when he got home that night though.  I had a nice dinner.  I purchased a cake and of course there was a gift waiting for him.   Weirdly enough, he walked into the house and didn’t see the cake and gift sitting on the counter.  Zoey kept running to the counter and then back to him.  Is my dog that smart? 

So, we have been married for 3 years!   Later this month we will hit the anniversary of our meeting which will mark 9 years that we have been together!   How time flies by.  I was reading through old posts from the time when I met him.  From the beginning when I just casually mentioned ‘a friend’ to when I started to refer to my mysterious friend as “J” and then onward to actually talking about him by name and admitting that I had fallen in love.   It has certainly been a fun ride. 

There you have it!  The last month has been a good one.  We have had celebrations.  I’ve gotten out and explored both with Jason and with my nephew.  There is so much more that went on, but this is a start in the process of unpacking what has happened since I last wrote!    Stay tuned for updates on my weight loss journey!

Grief rears it's Ugly Head

 Last week was a rough week for me!  It was tough in more than one way.  It was difficult for my emotions and it was also difficult for my health journey.  

The health journey was difficult.  I joined Noon a few weeks back and had great success my first few weeks.  And then "BOOM" my weight loss stopped!  It stalled and here I sit again not losing and yet trying!  It is so frustrating.  I feel as if I hitting a brick wall and can't break through!  I know a few things.

    * I struggled with exercise.  I honestly planned on exercising each and every day.  First thing....at 5AM.  Yet most mornings I stumbled out of bed and headed to exercise and kept moving right to the couch!  My window of time to exercise is the first 45 minutes I"m awake.  After that, It gets more difficult due to other extenuating circumstances.  GRRR   It' been difficult!  I keep say I am going to exercise after work, or on my lunch break or whatnot.  But life happens and exercise doesn't!

 *  I kept my eating in line with calories.  But as I have been reminded via Noom, all calories are NOT created equal.  I have been trying to eat healthier foods.  More veggies and more fruits!  (thus the accidental overdose of a week or so ago).   I have seen more of the 'orange' calories in the last week or two.  Just as a side note, with noom they break a calories into three groups (or rather all foods into three groups).  The green group...which is your fruits and veggies....eat those as much as you want (but don't overdose on fruit like I did).  Then you have your Yellow calories.  These are things you can have but don't go overboard with. (whole grains, low fat dairy, etc)  and then you have your Orange foods.  These are things that you can definitely still have.....but do it in moderation.  (Things like butter, ice cream, cakes, etc).  So a lot more orange foods were creeping into my daily food intake.  And I wasn't eating crazy....but a pat of butter....a splash of olive oil...the veggie dip that was not low fat.   It added up!

Luckly, I haven't gained.  I'm just sitting stagnate and not losing!

The second big thing that made last week rough was the fact that I had a day off.   Yeah, I know.  A day off shouldn't be difficult!  But it was.  I get a lot more vacation time than Jason  and it is use it or lose it time.  So I end up taking vacation days randomly throughout the year.   Typically on these days that I have off where Jason is working, I have spent them with my mother.  Before her stroke I would drive up and we would go shopping, go out to lunch, just roam around and have a good time.  Once she had her stroke, I would still use the days off  to spend with her but I would spend the day with her in whatever nursing home hospital she was in.   At the end of last year, I had a health scare and that necessitated a bunch of medical tests and doctors appointments.....which filled up those days off.   Last week, I had my first day off that wasn't filled up with medical tests since my mom died.  It was horrible. I dreaded it all week long.  I cried and missed mom more throughout the week as I moved toward the day.   I made plans to occupy my time, but it wasn't the same.  I was still alone without my mom.

I am not going to say that I didn't have a good day.  I forced myself to get out and stay busy.   I spent my morning exploring.  I went and drove through (and walked around) the James Buchanan Birthplace State Park.  I did not linger, I had a really sketchy feeling about being alone in that out of the way deserted park.  

 

 After leaving the James Buchanan Birthplace State Park I headed to the Conococheague Institute.   Jason and I had visited there about two years ago, right after we moved to Pennsylvania and we did the free self guided tour, which was all that was available to us that day.   This time I went back because every First Friday of the month they offer guided tours which include the inside of the houses.    I had an enjoyable time...even in the midst of my grief.

 

I went out to eat by myself.  I even went to the local historical society to try to do some research on the caves /lime kiln that is in front of my house. (they were not able to help much).  I kept myself busy, but it was an emotional day.   

Hopefully, my next solo day off will be a little easier.

So yes, I had a rough week.  However, I'm not down for the count.  I am still working on living a healthier life.  I'm not giving up!  As for the grief and the day alone with out mom.  I will have another one in a week or two.  I know it will be hard but theoretically it should get easier....right?

I Overdosed

 I overdosed this week!   Big time!   It started out innocently enough but it escalated quickly and now I am here feeling the effects!  And it’s no fun!!

So it started innocently enough!    I was feeling happy on my loss on the scales and I was ready to make this week a success also!  So when I went to the store I picked up plums.  I picked up a huge watermelon (Jason doesn’t eat watermelon…so a huge one for one person is excessive…a bit), I picked up the biggest cantaloupe I could find (he also doesn’t eat cantaloue…not my fav either)   I grabbed bananas, and strawberries and raspberries.    And that was the fruit for ME!   Jason picked up peaches, apples and kiwi for himself!  But back to me…this is my website after all!   At the beginning of the week everything tasted so good!   I was eating big bowls of watermelon!  And cantaloupe and blessedly delicious oranges!  I shared my bananas with the bird!  The plums dropped their delectable juice down my chin.   It was great.  Honestly…probably 70% of my daily calories was coming from fruit!  Ok maybe not 70…but a lot.  It is what was for breakfast…lunch.and all snacks!  

I made it through Thursday…and then came Friday.   I put that bowl of cantaloupe on the table with my morning oatmeal….and I could t do it.  Just the thought of putting a piece of cantaloupe into my mouth made me want to gag!  (The raspberries in my overnight oats were ok though!).   Lunch came around and the thought of eating a plum was repulsive.  And watermelon.  Tears well up in my eyes as I even think about eating a bite of that! 

I literally OD’d on fruit!

I am making my grocery list for next week.  I will be eating fruits and veggies ….but not in that quantity!   

Ohhh and the worst part?  My weight hasn’t moved much!!!  

10 Week Challenge Week 4 and a change

 4 weeks ago I started a 10 week challenge!  I would love to say that it was a rousing success and that I had lost a lot of weight, but that is not true!  However, there has been a success!

At the end of the first three weeks, I was so frustrated.  What the what?  I was doing it.  I was counting my calories.  I was exercising and after three weeks I was the exact same weight!  Oh my weight had moved.  UP. DOWN.  UP.   But the end result was that I was the same exact weight!  And let me tell you, it wasn't a weight I wanted to see!

I will admit to being in tears.  I will admit to feeling frustrated enough to quit.  But no, I quit at so much in life. This wasn't going to be one of those times!  So I vowed to stick with it for the 10 weeks, come hell or high water!

The tears were not just privately shed in the shower and washed down the drain.  These tears where shared with Jason as I lamented my struggles.  In my mind I had been starting to think about medical intervention (which I knew my family doctor was ok with as she had mentioned it last year, but talked about waiting until my gastro issues were attended to).  Jason and I discussed the possibility of different medical interventions.  I remain resistant but at least a bit open to it!

In the meantime, I decided to switch things up TOTALLY.   I started a new weight loss program....one that I am paying for.  The program is similar to what I have been doing (or trying to do) but has a few different facets and tricks.   I have competed week one of that program and I am happy to say that I have lost 3 pounds!  WOO HOOO!

Yes, I will be sharing the new program with you eventually.  Right now I am just really deciding if this program is for me or not!  

10 Week Challenge week 2 and 3

 What in the world!   I thought I posted about week two of my 10 week challenge, but somehow I failed to do so!   This, you will get a two week update.

Week two  of my challenge went well.   I did great with my food.  I got all 5 days of my exercise.  I drank my water.  The only thing I struggled with was the simple 5 minutes of exercises…the planks, squats, sit ups, etc.   the biggest deterrent is the dog.  The dog thinks that whenever I sit (or lay) on the floor that it means that it is time to play.   It’s hard to do a plank in perfect conditions let alone with a 100 plus pound dog trying to climb onto your back.

At the end of week two I saw my weight drop!  A nice drop actually.  3.8 pounds.

I went into week three confident.    And my weight almost immediately spiked right back up.  And there it remained!   My food was ‘eh’. Nothing horrible, but it could have been better!  I still struggled with the simple 5 minutes of exercises.  Water was a struggle.  I did however do 3 out of the 5 cardio days (but picked up one on the weekend with outdoor work so a total of 4 cardio days completed).   The two days I missed I didn’t do it first thing in the morning and promised myself I would do it later.   Yeah, that doesn’t work for me!

And at the end of the week my weight was still back at the original number. That  3.8 pounds loss on week two  was an anomaly and I have officially lost NOTHING on this challenge.

I know that my actions and this challenge are good for ME, even if I don’t lose weight so I am continuing!  I’m determined to finish this challenge.   So many times I start something and then stop when I struggle.  Not this time….I am vowing to see this through!

Rain - Finally!

The week is flying by, but not fast enough!  I want the weekend!!!!

 

 This summer has been a dry one!  We have had to water our garden, flowers and plants almost constantly.  It's been insane!    Dry as a bone!  Yesterday after work I ran around and did a lot of the chores and things that needed done.  I stepped outside with the dog a bit before Jason was scheduled to come home.   She will hound me to be outside because she likes to wait for him and greet him out there.  And hey, it is no skin off my back!  SO outside we went.  I was on the phone with a coworker and we were talking.  The sun was warm but felt awesome on my skin after being in the cold house all day.  Things were going well and then literally I heard the dog back and run across the yard and the next thing I knew the wind was whipping around like crazy and the sky had turned black (ok, maybe not black...but dark and ominous).

I spent the next few minutes getting the yard prepped for a storm.  Well, first I had to run after some garbage that he blown across the yard from the overturned trashcan!   But dog toys cushions from the chairs, etc etc etc.  I moved it al to safer locations.  I  moved our big potted elephant ear plant up against the house to protect it.  I did everything I could to protect against wind.  Then I played with the dog.  I had a sneaky feeling that she wouldn't be able to run outside and play with Jason when he got home (they have their play hour).  So I got her running to expend some  of her energy.  

I was right.  Shortly after Jason got home the skies opened and it poured.  It rained for quite some time.   It was sooo nice!   And soooo needed!  As we have had rain maybe twice in the last month or two and it was just a short 10 minute dealio each time.   We have also had about an hour or rain again today!  Yay!   They say it should rain through Friday.   We just need a nice steady rain!!!

I'm frustrated with my eating and the numbers on the scales.  It's like they just have a mind of their own and no matter what I do they are going up.  It's driving me crazy!  I am TOYING with not weighing myself for a while.  At the beginning of this 10 week challenge I thought about going scaleless for the whole 10 weeks.  but that scares me!  What If I work really hard and only maintain or worse, gain???  So I dismissed that notion.  But I'm back to thinking about it.

 The other thing I am toying with is going to the doctor and asking for help!  I don't want to take medicine for this.  But something is clearly wrong if I"m doing what I should be doing and not losing (and gaining).  

 Weight loss is not a fun journey all the time!

10 week Challenge Week 1 Recap

 I started my 10 week challenge one week ago.  The week has flown by and it is time to share my progress!  If you are doing the challenge with me, let me know in the comments how you did!

 To start with, I will go ahead and recap quickly what the 10 week challenge is.  There are 4 basic parts.  Food, water, cardio and a few strength moves to be done 5 days a week with two days of rest built in (or two days with extra opportunity to get more movement).  The strength moves are easy and focus on functional movement.(you can download the chart here)

 Cardio

I totally nailed the cardio aspect of this challenge. I got my cardio and completed each of the five 'required' week days cardio workouts.   On the weekend I didn't do any formal exercise routine but rather  stayed busy with life and yard work and other manual labor things.  (I used the push mower and did all the trim work, I weeded a LOT, I moved downed tree branches to the burn pile, took mulch from our big pile and mulched a complete path, etc.  )

Admittedly, there was a one day (Day one actually) were the cardio just about killed me.  OK, killed is rather dramatic!   But seriously, that day I was NOT feeling it and wanted to quit every one of those 20 minutes!  But I stayed consistent and completed it.  The only thing that kept me from quitting was this 10 week challenge!

While I did have my day of struggle, I also had some victorious days where I went above and beyond to complete 40-50 minutes of cardio.  Some in one sitting and once with a double workout! (Once before work and once after work, for 20 minutes a piece.)

Water

I nailed my water consumption also!  Totally nailed it.  I did so well on this that toward the end of the week I went from 64 ounces of water consumption to 80 ounces.  I did have a few issues with bathroom trips in the middle of the night on one day when I didn't get my water done early enough in the day. My typical plan for water is to drink the bulk of my water during the day and to be done heavy drinking by 5PM.  I still drink in the evening, but not as much.  This has historically always been the trick to keep me from getting up a gazillion times in the night for a potty break. I didn't do that one night this week and I lived to regret it with multiple bathroom trips that interrupted my sleep.  But I learned my lesson and didn't do that again! 

Strength

As you can see from the above chart the strength stuff is really just functional movements.   I am embarrassed to admit how difficult these have become for me.  There was a day just a few short years ago that these movements were NOTHING.   I remember when Jason and I were talking about planks one day in our early days of dating.  We did a plank challenge to see who could hold it the longest.  I lowered to a plank and  held it....and held it....and held it.  Minutes upon minutes.  No shaking, no quaking no struggle.  I just held that plank.  This week I discovered that my plank ability has disappeared.  5-10 seconds was a struggle.  How sobering is that?

It wasn't just the plank that was difficult. The sit ups and crunches were tough and the wall sits were murder.    I don't know why I was so shocked at how difficult they had really become.  If I am being honest with myself, simple functional movement in life has become quite difficult for me in the last year.   It was seemingly overnight that it became difficult for me to kneel and then stand again.   Even sitting down and standing again has felt like a lumbering chore.   It has freaked me out.  It happened overnight.  I'm only 51! I'm too young for that!  This challenge is a place to start to regain that movement!

It was difficult, but I completed my week of movement for this aspect of the 10 week challenge.  I may have had to do my planks in 5 second intervals.  My push-ups may have been the sissy version and barely a push up at that.    I may have been shaking and struggling on the wall sits and my sit ups and crunches may have not been perfect or even correct.  But I did them!

Food and the Scales

I did great with my eating!  I kept my calories within the proper range each and every day.   I had a few struggles through the week, but I kept it under control.  I was so super proud of myself!   So how in the world did I manage to only maintain my weight?    I was sure that I was going to show a loss!  How could it be anything else?   Yet, the weight didn't budge.  (In fairness, it didn't go up either, which is a good thing!)

How disappointing!  How demoralizing!  How utterly horrible!

On to week Two of the 10 Week Challenge

I'm not letting it get to me though.  I made great first steps toward regaining some of the mobility that has been slowly slipping away.  I have been drinking my water.  I've been exercising.  And my food has been controlled.   What I did would have been enough to see BIG losses in past years.  However, it's not working for me now.  My body and hormones are adjusting, so that means I need to adjust also.   I just need to tweak one or two things to start losing.  I can't blame it on anything other than my food this time because I've gotten all the components for success in place.  So food is where I am focusing.

My first thought was to up my protein.  I've heard protein is huge for a woman of my age.  So I did my research to see how much a 51 year old woman should be eating.  I then went to Myfitnesspal to see what my recommended daily amount was. (It was the same.)   I then looked at my past week to find out where my stats lay.   I was pretty spot on with my protein.   There may have been one day that was a bit lower.  But for the most part I was spot on.  So I knew that protein was not the issue. (However, I will continue to monitor and try to increase wherever I can.)

So that left me with my second thought.   Calories.   I have long kept my calories at a low level.  1200-1500 is my range (and honestly, I prefer to keep them 1200-1300 for weight loss).     Now immediately, I know that some people will be like 'well that is your problem, it's too low".  BUT, I have long tried to hold on to some semblance of normalcy.  I am already hyper focused on tracking my food, I wanted to retain some sense of freedom by not weighing and measuring every bite of food I eat.  So for me, the lower calorie count is my way or allowing myself to not measure everything and to not worry about counting that squirt of ketchup or drizzle of chocolate syrup.  It has historically worked for me, so I had no thoughts that it wasn't working.  But clearly SOMETHING is not working.  So, the goal for this upcoming week is to measure, weigh and count EVERYTHING.   It's possible I will need to do this long term.  However, it is possible that I just need a reset of my mental judgement for measurements and portion sizes.

Honestly, I am NOT looking forward to this.  I have always resisted losing this last piece of freedom.  But it is what it is!   I want change to occur, so that means I need to change.   Crazy that that thought of change came to me a few days ago.....and this disappointment on the scale that has forced me to look at myself and forced  ME to change.   I don't like the view of where my life is going without change.......so I will change myself to change my future!

Fred , Oh Finicky Fred - Sourdough Experiences

In the true typical MaryFran trend of jumping from hobby to hobby and constantly picking up something new that 'looks interesting and I really should know how", I decided to try to perfect a sourdough bread.  OH yes, I did.

I researched and I totally realized that I could buy sourdough starter from a variety of places online.  For that matter, I could get sourdough starter from any number of people.  However, isn't that cheating in the grand scheme of  learning how to do it from start to finish?   It seemed relatively simple, mix water and flour and let sit 24 hours.....repeat.   And keep repeating until it is consistently doubling in size after you feed it.   I was all in!  I even went out and ordered a really neat little sourdough starter kit.  This was going to be a breeze!

Except it was not.  My first attempt wouldn't grow.  I lovingly fed that sucker religiously.  I watched it daily as it sat on my counter waiting for the magic bubbles to indicate active and natural yeast in the starter.  I waited in vain for over a week and it never got the bubbles or doubled.  I just wouldn't grow!  I researched more, adapted some new techniques and tried again.  I was still clinging to hope that my first round would experience a miracle and start to show signs of life so I kept that one going while I started round two.   I now had two jars of starter that I cared for every morning. This time was going to be the magic, I just knew it!   Every day while I would tend to them Jason would come into the kitchen and excitedly ask if we had any signs of life.   Dejectedly, I would have to respond with negative shake of my head.  

I watched more videos and read more articles.  Everything and everyone talked about how sourdough was so forgiving, hard to kill and easy to feed and keep alive.  Yet, here I was with two jars of seemingly dead starter.  I was undaunted and started a THIRD jar of starter, trying new techniques that I had learned.  (A quick perusal of sourdough starter instructions will show you that everyone does it a bit differently, with 'great success'.)    By this time I was going through flour faster than a bakery at Christmas!  Because every day I was adding four and water to each of these jars (and doing a daily discard so that my amount of sourdough starter didn't get out of hand).  Surely one of them would be magical!     By the time another week had passed with no growth in ANY jar, I had decided that enough was enough.   Jars one and two were emptied and I started yet another jar of starter. Jars three and found had my full attention.  Jar three never accounted to much. But  finally, by some stroke of benevolence that fourth jar worked!   

I was so happy, I had active starter.  However, this starter didn't seem to grow EVERY day, it had days where it seemed angry with me.  If I changed it to a different container (as in the special container I bought at the very beginning) it would not grow and double.  If I missed the normal feeding time, it wouldn't double in size for the next two feedings (feeding is what you call the act of adding more flour and water).  If I fed it anything other than Rye flour, it wouldn't double in size.  This starter was anything but easy, it was downright finicky!   I started to call it Finicky Fred.  Of course Jason kept telling me that if it was finicky it must be a female.  ha 

I attempted to use the discard a few times, once by making pop tarts (which turned out way too sour to really enjoy) and once by making crackers (they weren't too bad).   I then tried to make a loaf of bread.  It was super tasty, but a little dense.   Fred showed his displeasure by not rising the day or two after I  made the bread.  (I kid you not....it's insane).    I stayed faithful to Fred.  I kept feeding him the rye flour.  I used jars that he liked.  I kept my feeding schedule as consistent as humanly possible.   I was determined to make Fred a nice strong starter.

Finally this past week I decided to switch to a whole wheat flour for a feeding (seriously Rye flour is a pain to find and is a bit more expensive).    Fred did GREAT!   I pulled some of the starter out and I set about making sourdough english muffins and Fred performed well!  My dough rose and the english muffins turned out great.  Even better  when I fed Fred afterward, he doubled! 

Hopefully finicky Fred is past his finicky stage and I can move on to making all sorts of fun things!  He may not be finicky any longer

, but the name Fred has stuck! 

Change

 

This dog

 Zoey was a fun addition to our little family.  And sometimes she is adorable!  But sometimes this dog drives me to insanity.   She can swing wildly between the angel dog behavior  and the devil dog persona at the drop of a hat!

While at work I noticed Mertz the cat sleeping with her feet pushed up against the foot board.   Of course I had to take a picture of her.   

Which of course woke her up. But hey, she was still cute. This was in my office/spare room where Zoey is not allowed.  Not because I don’t want the dog in there, but because the office is the cats dog free zone.   Zoey sits at the baby gate in the door so she can be as close to me as possible during my work day.  So she of course noticed me taking a picture of the cat.  She was immediately jealous.

For the next hour or two, this is what I saw.

Yes, Zoey had pushed her big fat head through the cat door in the car and sat there giving me the saddest look to make me feel guilty for paying attention to the cat and not her.

Awwwww  how sweet.

But remember I mentioned devil dog.   I was working on the strength moves that are part of my 10 week challenge.  The dog doesn’t like me doing anything on HER floor.  She made planks difficult the other day.  Today it was the situps/crunches that caused her to flip to the other side!    

Meanwhile, I have aced 3 almost four days  of my 10 week challenge!  Go me!   

My First Day and a downloadable plan

I am not waiting for the month of August to officially begin for my challenge.  I am making this a true 10 week challenge and starting today!

 

The link for the plan  can be found here and join me on this adventure!

It is only 5:30 AM and I have already knocked out my 20 minutes of cardio.   Monday mornings are so difficult for me to workout early.  I just want to curl up on the couch and send out silent laments about how the weekend is over!  Today's early morning workout  was extra difficult due to my extremely busy day yesterday.  I spent the day in the kitchen yesterday.  I baked homemade pretzel rolls, cheese crackers and  blueberry cinnamon swirl muffins.  I pulled out my canner and all my canning supplies and made a batch of orange jelly, a batch of corncob jelly (sounded interesting) and a few batches of zucchini relish.   We also ran a few errands and took the dog to Tractor Supply for a bath (which takes over an hour).  And of course I made dinner.   I was wiped out and my body felt it this morning with a sore lower back.    So while I was exercising, I wanted to stop and just say 'not today'.   But I pushed through to complete my 20 minutes!

I have pre-planned my foods for today. I have it all entered into myfitnesspal.  So food should be easy.  I just have to  eat what  planned!  

I have my first 32 ounces of water beside me already and  I am ready to kick the water consumption into high gear!

But first, I am going to chill on the couch with the dog and hang out with Jason until he heads out to work.

10 Week Fitness and Health Challenge

It is time to challenge myself!  And I am going to challenge you too!  This is a 10 week challenge that will be easy to follow and will open the doors to amazing success and progress in our health and fitness journeys!   So join me and lets do this!

 

 Back in 2021 I embarked upon a 12 week plan.  It was a simple plan that I did right about the same time of the year.   I was 12 weeks away from eloping with Jason (one of the best kept secrets I have ever had) and  I wanted to be in good shape for our vacation (which was when we actually tied the knot.....you can read about that experience here) .   I started a 12 week plan that focused on 5-10 minutes of strength training, a burst of cardio, eating within my plan and drinking my water.  (You can read about my 12 week challenge and plan here.)  I followed it and I had some success with it.  (I lost 12 pounds).   

It was super easy to follow!  The strength training portion I was able to do on my 15 minute break from work!   Yes, it was that quick! (notice I didn't see the workout was easy.....push ups are hard for me and surprisingly the wall sits would have my legs shake).   It seemed perfect for me at the time.  Not a huge time commitment but a promise for some positive progress.   

So here I am 3 years (almost to the day) later and I have gained some weight.  And I am not happy with the weight gain.  Not happy at all!  I know that I need to so something to get this weight off!  I need a challenge!  I thought about quite a few things.  Should I do the 75 hard?   Should I do zumba?  Running?  A healthy wage challenge?  What?  I was ready to pull the trigger on a 75 hard and was actually looking at times and time frame and realized that I didn't have 75 days until vacation.  (For some reason I like the idea of a challenge before vacation).  Once I brought the concept of vacation into the mix I realized that i have 10 weeks until vacation!   So a 10 week challenge was born in my mind.    I also knew that I would need a posse of peeps with me as accountability partners!  So while I am calling this my 10 week challenge, I am also referring to it as the August through September Challenge! (that way there is a day or two to gather some peeps to join me!)   So whatever it is to you, 10 weeks or two months.....join me!  Help me.  Help yourself.  And lets see what results we can get!

So what does this challenge entail?  Not a whole lot!   

1.  Follow a healthy plan for eating (if that is WW, calorie counting, intuitive eating or whatever you do.....just follow it).   For me, that is currently counting calories and keeping my calories in my desired range with one 'vacation' day each week.  You may call it a cheat day, but I think cheat is a negative word...so I have vacation days!   It doesn't matter what plan you follow, just follow it!  

2  Drink water!  64 ounces a day!  

3.   Complete 20 minutes of cardio 5 times a week.  Once again, it doesn't matter what you do.  If you like zumba, go for it!  Are you a runner?   Then get out there and run.  Bikes?   Yes that works too!  I will probably do a combination of things, zumba step aerobics and maybe, just maybe a bit of running. (I seriously do miss running).     20 minutes is the minimum.  If you have the time and the energy and the gumption feel free to do 30 minutes..or 40..or 60.   Whatever your heart desires.   Just get the bare  minimum of 20 minutes!

4.  Strength training.   I have a plan worked up.  This is the plan that you can do in 5-10 minutes each day.  Simple and easy to follow!   5 times a week!  

The plan is set up with two rest days.   So you will only do the strength stuff 5 days a week.   If you want to do your cardio the same 5 days that is fine, but I do highly recommend giving your body a rest here and there!

I will be posting on my youtube channel also about this challenge.  I will also be posting daily on my facebook page.  https://www.facebook.com/BelievinginMaryFran/   I would like to invite you go join me there so that we can encourage each other.  (Even if you don't join me on this challenge, feel free to join so that I can encourage you and you can help inspire me!)

Nothing left to it but to do it!  Lets see what we can accomplish in 10 weeks.  I would LOVE to see 20 pounds gone.....2 pounds a week.  But any loss during this time will be a victory!  Even better though, 12 weeks of cardio and these strength exercises and I will be STRONGER!   That will be a great win!  So lets do it!!!!

 

 

So much to say

 I have so much to say!   I have had so little time to actually say (write) it!  It seems as if life just keeps going faster and faster and crazier and crazier.    I set out to make July ‘my’ month in terms of health and fitness.   I had a doctor’s appointment with the gastro doctor..  We had a sale at mom’s house.  Zoey continues to grow and entertain.  So much to talk about, and yet I’ve failed to write.  So here we go, a big catch up!

Mom’s House

We prepped the house and stuff that is left for a sale.  A ‘bakers’ sale if you must.  We planned to have the sale inside and just open the doors for anyone to come on in and purchase.  So on the 20th, we pulled it off.  We didn’t do too bad.  We sold a fair amount…there is still a fair amount of stuff left.  It’s like the house has this magic act that for every item you take out of it, two more will appear!  Ok, it seemed like that at first, the more we cleared out, the more there was.  It’s not that bad anymore, but there is still a fair amount of stuff left.   Small stuff.  Lots of baking pans and utensils.  That kind of thing.  We are getting there.  Slowly but surely.

July, my Restart

Yes, July was supposed to be my month of great new beginnings.  And honestly, I totally nailed the first two weeks in terms of exercise, and step count and water consumption!  Totally nailed it!  But my food was not exactly spot on. It wasn’t horrible, but not perfect.  Add into that my monthly cycle hit (first time in like 4-5 months)  and I  didn’t lose any weight.  And I got totally disgusted.  And at that point it all went to hell in a hand basket.  Exercise?  What’s that?   I didn’t stop totally, but it’s been a struggle to get 1-2 workouts a week.  Water?  I am getting about 32 ounces of water a day.  Not enough at all!   And food!  Well I it was a struggle and honestly, for the last week (I just checked, exactly a week) I haven’t tracked a single solitary thing I have eaten!)  I haven’t gone off the rails with my food,  it hasn’t been totally horrible.  I’m still trying to make wise decisions but I know it hasn’t been ‘good’.

I’m a fraud

Meanwhile, I have been struggling with feeling like a fraud.  I have been posting on here about weight loss for 18.5 YEARS.  Sure I have had some success.  But lately it’s just been failure.  I am the highest weight I have been since before I lost all the weight back in 2007/2008.  I feel horrible.  I ache.  I am miserable.  I am disgusted with myself.  And I continue to post on here and on my YouTube channel.  Sure I’m being honest and talking about my struggles…but I feel like a fraud.   I know, I’m not….I'm authentically honest, talking about my struggles with weight.  But still…..

Doctors Appointment

I had a follow up appointment with my gastroenterologist last week.  This was to get the results of the biopsies from my endoscopy and to also plan how to move forward with this acid reflux dealio that I have been working on since my visit to the ER almost a year ago.   The doctor told me that everything looked great with my endoscopy.  The biopsies were all normal.  The only thing they found was the hiatal hernia that he had mentioned the day of the endoscopy.    We talked about how the medication has not helped me. And he said, that the medicine would help reduce ACID, but the hiatal hernia would continue to cause a ‘back up’ into my esophagus.  It’s just a fact of life with a hiatal hernia.  So with his permission I am not taking any meds. He said the odds of damage is slim to none.  It also helps that my symptom is simply a cough or throat clear once or twice after I eat.  (I have no heartburn, stomach issues, acid taste in my mouth, etc). We agreed that for me an  endoscopy will be something that I have to do every few years, along with my colonoscopy.  Preventative, just to check for damage and take steps to stop damage from getting worse should there be any.  I’m good with that.  So moving forward the focus is on getting the weight off of my body.  In his words all the stomach fat is pressing and squeezing that hernia and compounding the issue.  He said that it is quite likely that my problems would disappear almost entirely should I lose weight.   So there you have it.  

Moving forward

So what is the plan moving forward.   I’m not exactly sure.  I’ve been disgusted enough that I’ve actually for the first time started to contemplate taking a medication. But am still somewhat  resistant to that.

 I know that I need to get myself back to tracking my food!  I also need to focus on getting in that exercise and drinking my water.   The big thing for me is that I know that I have an unhealthy relationship with food.  It’s very unhealthy.    But how does one create a healthy relationship ship?  That is the question of the hour I guess!  (Suggestions welcome!!)    

I have started to question my choices though.  Each time I eat I know what I WANT, but I am questioning myself,  ‘what would a person that doesn’t have an issue with food choose’.  And then I copy what I think a person with a healthy relationship would eat.   So for lunch today I did have a handful of potato chips.  Normally I would either ignore them because they are the devil (if I was feeling strong enough to resist) or I would eat potato chips with wild abandon. (For those days where I lose control!)  today I eat about 5 chips…that sounded ‘normal and healthy’ to me!   I also did that with some homemade bread.  I wanted to eat the rest of the loaf…but I asked myself, is that something a ‘non food addict’ person would do?  And so I didn’t eat the rest of it.  I just ate two slices.    Is this healthy? Maybe not but it is making me really think about my choices!

It’s a small thing, but that is where I am starting.  Hopefully it will help me retrain my mind to a mindset that is less addict fueled and more ‘normal’  (whatever normal really is)

So that is where I am at.   Crazy times.   July wasn’t what I had thought it was going to be…but I can end strong