What is wrong with me?

What is wrong with me???  I literally can't seem to stop eating!  I tell myself that I'm going to get it under control.  No more.......Yet when it comes time to eat I just eat with abandon! There is a war waging in my head and the fat side is winning!

Yesterday I literally stood in the kitchen putting some chips in a bowl and I literally told myself "Maryfran, you shouldn't eat these...you want to be thin"   and I then immediately said "I don't care" and I ate the chips in the bowl. I sometimes say "tomorrow"  or "my next meal I'll be good".  But yesterday I just didn't care......but I cared about the numbers on the scale and how bloated I feel!

Hey, at least I am putting them in the bowl versus eating the straight out of the bag because we all know that if I did that....the bag would be gone in one sitting! 

I am miserable and feel bloated and icky.  I want to be thin and feel good about myself.  Yet I want to eat what I want and when I want.   I know I can't have it both ways!  Yet I sit on the fence and often fall onto the fat side of the fence!  

This is so difficult and I so wish there was an easy answer!!!!!

I seriously must be insane!

Weekly Weigh In

Another weekly check in on my weight and to see what I did over the past week.   This is the first full week of the new year and I had vowed that I was going to rock out this journey in the new year...the question is,did I do it?

My week started strong.  Jason and I spent some time roaming through the stores and shops downtown.  It is a neat little area and some of the shops carry such neat things.  It was threatening rain, so this was the perfect way to be outside and still have cover should a rain squall blow in..

On Sunday the nice weather from the day before turned decided un-nice.   It got cold and windy!  But we didn't let that stop us.  We headed out to hike.  This time we went to Gathland State park and looked at the history for this tiny park.   (A news reporter from the Civil war made a monument to all war correspondents after the civil war and built his summer home here at this site)

We also then walked a few hours on the Appalachian trail. 

Lots of calories burned there!

Monday was back to work. I had a fair amount of use it or lose it time at the end of the year and then with the holidays and those days off.....I have not worked a full work week in a long time. This week was the rude awakening!

I still managed to ride the exercise bike twice this week.  I'm disappointed in myself.  My goal is a minimum of 3 times.  Why didn't I ride?  I was just feeling off all week long!  I was cold ALL the time.   My head has hurt near constantly (sinus pressure) and toward the end of the week even my ears were hurting.  I chose to rest and try to allow my body to fight off whatever ailment it was at war with!

Walking at work?  Yeah, that didn't happen either....same reasons as above.

So how did I do????

I"m pretty happy with that.  My week was not 'perfect' in terms of my food...but I was within my caloric range!   I still was struggling with the sweet treat after dinner. (I ate some wilbur chocolate buds.....best chocolate.....almost like fudge in my mouth!   Amazon link)    And I just admitted that the exercise wasn't all that either!   So I'm happy!!!!   I have grand plans for my food consumption (or rather a lack of) and exercise plans for this upcoming week!   I am planning to rock out another 2 pounds!!!!   (I'll be happy with ANY loss!)