Wednesday, August 26, 2020

What is wrong with me?

What is wrong with me???  I literally can't seem to stop eating!  I tell myself that I'm going to get it under control.  No more.......Yet when it comes time to eat I just eat with abandon! There is a war waging in my head and the fat side is winning!

Yesterday I literally stood in the kitchen putting some chips in a bowl and I literally told myself "Maryfran, you shouldn't eat want to be thin"   and I then immediately said "I don't care" and I ate the chips in the bowl. I sometimes say "tomorrow"  or "my next meal I'll be good".  But yesterday I just didn't care......but I cared about the numbers on the scale and how bloated I feel!

Hey, at least I am putting them in the bowl versus eating the straight out of the bag because we all know that if I did that....the bag would be gone in one sitting! 

I am miserable and feel bloated and icky.  I want to be thin and feel good about myself.  Yet I want to eat what I want and when I want.   I know I can't have it both ways!  Yet I sit on the fence and often fall onto the fat side of the fence!  

This is so difficult and I so wish there was an easy answer!!!!!

I seriously must be insane!


Iowabovine said...

Again, why are chips even in your house? I know if they are in mine, I will eat them. Don't tell me your husband likes them....he will be healthier too if he doesn't eat them. Same goes for bread. Same goes for useless carbohydrate calories: cookies, desserts, candy. Those tempt us all when they are within easy reach.

Maybe this is a reach, but focus on making and procuring ingredients for healthy smoothies: apples, grapes, oranges, cherries; I freeze apples and can applesauce with NO sugar, I have frozen cherries (pitted and with NO sugar) from Wisconsin in my freezer and I have spent the last few days canning grape juice from my grapes to use as the liquid in fruit smoothies. If you don't grow your own apples and grapes, buy THESE at the store in larger quantities instead of chips and crap. Then you have CONTROL of your eating destiny. You can do it. I remember you said you would pray for me months back when I was worried as to marketing my fat cattle in the midst of this Covid thing. I will pray for you (and myself) that our eating remains in our own hands. Just keep those hands out of the chip bowl!

SANRDJ said...

I agree with lowabovine above. Get the chips out of your house!! If you can't ignore them when they are in your house, they can't be in your house! Pick snacks that are higher in protein or make kale chips etc if you need the snackies.

If I have candy in my house I eat it. So... no candy in my house. I just have no will power and I have the same battles as you do. I'll just eat a bowl. And then that bowl turns into another bowl the next day and the next. It's addiction and habit. Break the habit!

Rose Sperlonga said...

I happen not to agree with the above. I think you have to find the underlying reason of why you feel that way. Some say its a crock of shi# but I believe you have to want it. Not just say it. Lets face it, even if there isn't chips in the house or a most horrible carb as In the house you can go to any fast food place because they are everywhere ! And a shop to find chips or candy in. We all know what to do , its just about when you want to do it!

Take a minute to think about it, take a minute to just be... well, you!

Anonymous said...

First of all there is not anything wrong with you. You are human. You had one bad snack attack. Perhaps your body needed the iodine from the salt. But you have had good weigh in’s too. Like over 10 pounds since you drew your line in the sand. You have been doing great with the exercise, intermittent fasting and money saving. Stop beating yourself up over one chip attack. Perhaps it would be helpful if you just didn’t have certain foods in the house. I have to keep certain things out. For me it is cheese doodles. I cannot stop at a handful. Now get yourself back on track. You can do it.

Paula C

jen said...

I have lots of snacks in the house, wish I didn’t but with grandkids in the house they need to be here.
I’m usually ok, then I have days where I’m not....finding that resolve to say NO everyday is hard.
I haven’t got the answer as to why we crumble and have these snack attacks but I know that you will win this will get back on track and move onwards.
Find that belief again.

*Stained Glass Butterfly* said...

If you are insane for feeling that way, then I am too! I do the same thing. I want to be slim and fit and in shape, and I also want to eat cake for breakfast, ha ha. Is something bothering you? I find that I get that "I want to eat everything" mood when I am stressed or something is on my mind.

MaryFran said...

I always have a wide variety of fruits and veggies here. I have limited the snacks in the house in the past....but my food addict brain will just rationalize making cookies out of the flour and sugar that is stocked in the kitchen (it’s necessary for basic cooking so I can’t get rid of it). For me it really has to be straight up willpower because I can lose control with something as benign and healthy as bananas....five bananas is - lot of calories! :-)

Thank you for your prayers! I am slowly getting myself back in line and back to pretracking my food and sticking to what I the amounts planned!!!

MaryFran said...

Luckily candy isn’t a huge draw for me and typically the chips aren’t an issue either! Sometimes knowing how to cook and enjoying it is a downfall for a food addict....even when it’s not in the house I know how to make it when my brain decides I want it, it’s not a thing of saying ‘we don’t have it’. The cook in me says ‘oh wow it’s been forever since I made potato candy (or whatever)...I better make some’

MaryFran said...

Lol. I like to cook so I can make all that bad stuff with minimal basic ingredients that any kitchen has. And that is my problem! For me this is straight up willpower that is needed!

MaryFran said...

Thank you for the reminder that this is a journey of ups and downs. I have tried to not have those snacks That commonly cause me to stumble (cakes and cookies) on hand...but when my brain decides that I ‘need’ it I just get up and bake/make it myself from scratch! Lol. Luckily chips usually don’t get me (although making homemade chips is fun and so tasty too! Hahaha).

I am back to tracking and reminding myself that I have a food budget each day and that no matter what I have to stick within that budget!!! It’s working!

MaryFran said...

Maybe winning this battle is actually learning to survive with the snacks handy...because that IS life!!! We have this! We can do it!!!

MaryFran said...

Very astute question. I’ve been struggling with a bout of melancholy lately. Immensely happy with my relationship...but just sitting back and saying that am not happy with where I am in a career...and the fact that I’m renting an apartment and dumping money down a drain but just getting back on my feet financially’. Just looking at wasted years I guess. And I know that has affected my eating big time!