COOOOKIES

COOOOKIES, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Ate wayyyy to much fair food at the Renaissance Festival yesterday. The food was fabulous. The entertainment enthralling and it was just a plain good fun day. We walked a whole lot!!!! It was my last hurrah before returning to work and I vowed that my return to work would also usher in my new focus on exercise and eating right.

Promise Kept, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

But, I kept my promise. Back to work today.....and my vow to myself was that I would get myself back under control with not only my eating, but back on track with my exercise. SOOO this morning the alarm went off at 6AM, I rolled myself out of bed and went to the gym first thing!!! My eating is planned out and I plan on making this a super fabulous day!

reflections

reflections, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I've been busy. My friend came in LATE on Friday night. We slept in on Saturday and then hit the stores on Saturday afternoon and then dinner out (with my parents). Sunday morning we woke up early and headed for the beach. We came home on Monday night late. Yesterday we did some things local to my house...which included an official tour of the antietam battlefield for her. We've been up late talking (or in the case of last night, watching movies).

Food......not the greatest! But I've enjoyed EVERY dang bite of it. I've eaten things that I don't normally eat.....french fries (once), pizza...well, that's not too abnormal, a burger (yeah, that's rare for me now), and while Italian is not abnormal, we've had it twice. :-) I'm sure my weight is up a bit. I'll know shortly (whenever I motivate to move myself toward the bathroom to shower).

We take her back to the airport today. Todd and I are planning to join the new gym ASAP!!!

REALLY Freaking out about my bike ride on Saturday as I've...well....I"m so not ready for it physically! I am tickled though to be seeing our friends Donna and Andy!

food food everywhere

I totally lost control of my eating last night. Totally. Unequivicably. Just plain out of control. I had the menu planned out for the day and I knew what I was doing. However, at about 2 or 3 Todd asked if I would mind switching up what what was for dinner. He has a cold and is just feeling plain outright miserable and for him that affects the kinds of food he wants to eat. Of course I could switch. So I did...to cold cuts, mac salad and I bought some fat free pringles to accompany the meal. Hey, we did have watermelon for dessert! The change, while probably still in my points allowance for the day (I had eaten really wisely throughout the day) just did me in though. And I was hungry the rest of the night. I had ice cream (low fat/fat free.....and since I divy it up into 1/2 cup containers, I only did have one serving), I had a handful of pringles. I had a 100 cal bag of chocolate covered pretzels. And I had a frozen fruit bar. What's up with that? Finally I called it quits and went to bed!

I didn't weigh myself this morning. I'll face the scales tomorrow! Unless my friend really fouled up this week, I've lost the competition. Not a problem....I'm mad at myself for not using the opportunity to actuallly really get some weight loss going, but I've got my head on straight about it now and I'm ready to roll!

I didn't keep all that great track of my eating From Friday through last night. I kinda sorta did. I had some slip ups (Longhorn Steakhouse with that fabulous Parmesan Garlic crusted Chicken that was over 1000 calories)and some meals of simply not counting my points or even calories (last night my parents came to dinner). We ate out on Friday at Longhorn, Saturday at Chipotle (uhhh yeah, blew a lot of points on that burrito I found out after the fact..but it was REALLY tasty), Sunday we stopped at Blimpies and got subs and split a bag of chips. So I ate out a lot. Sunday I had those chips...super salty and on both sunday and monday I didn't drink even half of what I normally drink! But I bravely stepped onto the scales this morning. 208.4. WOOOOOOO So I dropped! Even with some probable water retention and my not so best eating choices! AMEN! I was active active active though!

Speaking of active...I'm really getting nervous about my bike ride coming up. My knees are aching. I'm actually somewhat afraid to ride because of my knees. So I think I'm just going to ride the exercise bike while I can and grit my teeth and bare it on that ride. Should be interesting!

Busy Beaver

I am so utterly sore it's not funny! I'm sore my back will loosen up as the day progresses. My legs are already feeling a bit better but whew!

Yesterday started early with me picking tomatoes in the garden. About a bushel ful of tomatoes were picked. I then came in and started working. I put them through the food mill and got about a third of that bubbling away in a stock pot, a third bubbling away in a crock pot and a third in a container waiting for an open burner on the stove. I got my water bath canner rolling and started in on my 3 bushels of apples (probably closer to 3.5 bushels when I added in the apples I bought last week.). As I was working I noticed that the house was becoming more and more humid and hotter and hotter. By 12:30 it was about 90 degrees in here but the worst of it, the air conditioning system kept powering totally down. It would restart, reset and run for about a minute and then power down. I was freakin' out! Not good when you have stuff bubbling away and spewing more hot air into your house. In the midst of this I sliced open my finger pretty badly. After the finger slicing I had a bit of a meltdown, crying and sobbing...oh yeah, the whole nine yards. BUT when I gathered myself together I was able to think clearly. I switched from canning my applesauce to freezing it. That removed the canner and all that hot steam from the kitchen. I then focused on getting everything done as fast as possible. Todd and I worked and worked and did it. I was in prayer the whole time about our heat pump! I knew that the guy that we would have come look at it was busy during the day so there was no use to call him at that point. My prayers were answered......Todd all of a sudden thought about the condensation drain. Sure enough, it was clogged! He unclogged it and it started to work. We still had a bunch of stuff on the stove, so the temps didn't drop quite as quickly as we would have liked, but we were tickled!

For lunch we had hot dogs (turkey dogs for me..and yes, I had two), mac and cheese and applesauce. For dinner we ran up to town and ate at chipotle where I had a vegetarian burrito (with sour cream, cheese and gaucamole!) and todd and I split and order of chips and salsa. So my eating was not totally up to par yesterday, BUT I was on my feet all day (after dinner we slipped into Best Buy..we were there for about 2-3 hours buying some new toys). Then of course we came home and had to tear down our old toys and start putting the new toys in place! So other than sitting to eat and sitting to drive up to town (and a little sitting/kneeling while working late in the evening) I was up, on my feet and active from about 8Am on Saturday until about 1AM on Sunday morning. Which leads us to my weight this morning....

I was a little nervous about my weight this morning. Afterall, I had a HUGE point meal on Friday night (delicious) and yesterdays foods weren't the best in points I can imagine. Sour cream???? Guacamole??? (I'll figure my points in a few minutes here...for the reckoning). But my weight was 209.6. So I dropped! Whew!

Longhorn Steakhouse

Last night we went out to dinner with friends. Had the most delightful time, I'm surprised that they didn't kick us out....we lost track of time. Got there at 6 and we left the restaurant at 11. Like I said, good time!

The problem. Longhorn Steakhouse....parmesan crusted chicken. Looked up the calories today. 1080 calories! JUST for the chicken! YIKES! It was soooo good though! I also had a sweet pototo (with butter and cinnamon), a salad with honey mustard dressing (they forgot the cheese on my salad...thank goodness, I don't think I needed it...wanted it, but didn't need it and ironically enough, I didn't realize it was missing until this morning) and one piece of bread! Uhhh yeah, I blew yesterday! NO, I blew one meal! I actually walked into that meal with having 21 points alloted. (I ate really healthy for breakfast and lunch...lots of zero pointers...stuff like green beans!) No worries. I'm back on it today. And today is a high level activity day with the apples!!!

Here I am another day down on the eating right journey. The scales were not overly friendly today as it showed me .6 pounds up. But I'm not worried. We had hot dogs (turkey dogs for me, soy for Todd) and baked beans last night for dinner. (hey, I got home at 6:15 and we had to be somewhere at 6:45....hot dogs are QUICK...pop those babies on the grill and by the time the baked beans are warmed, the dogs are ready). So we are talking sodium city. Then after the meeting at about 8:50 Todd and I hit up the ice cream shop. I had the points, but eating it late (and weighing in earlier this morning than normal) may have affected it. And if the slight gain wasn't from either of those things...then it's just simply a fact of nature, because I stayed within my points and was on track yesterday!

I'm hoping to pick up some apples today and do my applesauce tomorrow. I just want this canning to be over. I've canned a TON of stuff this year. I'm ready to put the canning stuff away, clean up my kitchen for good and go back to normality. :-) But a huge huge huge day of canning means a lot of activity and movement on my part. Big canning days are usually a boost to my weight loss efforts....because it's 12-14 hours or straight up movement. I usually even eat on the run. :-)

Soul Searching and total honesty

Back already to write an update! I finished writing my daily entry to my blog in my ramble fashion and I started reading other blogs. Then I got to this one. This is a post about food addiction written by the Scale Junkie. Very thought provoking. Why did it hit me so hard? I've readily admitted that I'm a food junky on more than one occasion. BUT, I have never opened myself up to full honesty. Outwardly I'm doing everything right. But I'm gaining or not losing. In reality, I was skirting on the edge of doing right....for most of the time. Sometimes I fell over the edge into 'poor eating' and at others I skip into the healthy eating realm. But never totally one way or the other. I wrote post after post lamenting my lack of progress and even my weight gains. But I wasn't being honest with myself. I had admitted that I had a food addiction, but i was still hiding it. No more. Total honesty, no matter how badly it makes me look.

Sooo I'll start this new realm off with some confessions.

1. My bike ride this morning that I mentioned in passing....I didn't even make it 30 minutes. I only did 20 minutes. No wait...total honesty.....I rode 19 minutes and 23 seconds before giving up and going back to laze mode!

2. Yesterday, while I still ate ok and managed my food and showed a loss this morning...the boredom got me at work in the afternoon. I ate a handful of pretzels, a handful of tortilla chips and 5 pieces of salt water taffy. I counted my points and monitored my eating the rest of the day, but I caved to the temptation of my addiction. (see, I glossed over that fact....yeah, I still came out on top...but I lost control of my addiction...and the only reason i stopped was because I ate a piece of taffy and didn't like the flavor)

3. My weight. I've admitted that I've gained some. I've shared that I'm losing again. But I've never talked about how much I've gained. I've glossed over the down and dirty figures. Last fall, just about a year ago, I was terribly proud because I was showing a huge weight loss. Well over a hundred pounds. I had reached the weight that my doctor thought was a good one for me, 180 pounds. I had made lifetime at weight watchers (based on my doctors recommendation...he said I could go lower, but 180 was the high end of where he thought I should be.) I felt good with my body, yeah, I would like to go lower but i was happy. And then I went on vacation. I splurged and ate. I ate some more. And then even more. I came back and i weighed close to 189 pounds. Instead of jumping right back on the plan, I continued my unhealthy habits. Sometimes. I never went totally off the plan, but I was never hard core with eating healthy. I splurged more often than I should have and worked out less often. Soon I saw 190 pounds. Then 195. Before I knew it I was back at 199 pounds facing that huge dividing line. 200. Yes, I hit 200 and kept going. Still vowing to get it under control...I was trying ya know. My attempt was just half hearted. 205 came and then 208. I started a competition with a friend when I weighed 208.8...a few short months ago. I was still only half heartedly working on this...yet trying to convince myself and the world that I had my food addiction under control. The scales said something different. Last Saturday I stepped on the scales and saw 217. Yes, that is still just about 100 pounds from where I first started...but that is also almost 40 stinkin' pounds from where I was a year ago. That is not cool but what is totally not acceptable is the fact that I've been lying to myself and skirting the truth. I messed up. I'm happy to say that in the last week I've dropped and my weight was exactly 210.0 this morning! Yes, I've done really well this week!

That is all the half truths that I can think of from my most recent entries that I can think that need to be set straight. And as hard as it has been to admit...I feel better for it.

Happy Thursday! Or is it happy? I'm at work after a lazy morning at home. I woke up and just laid around in the living room. Watching the news. Now I am so not a news junky. Todd watches the news all the time, so I dont' feel the need to watch it on my own...I hear enough just from when he watches it when I'm around. Soooo you can realize how lazy I was when I say that I was too lazy to even find the remote to change the channel. Yes, there is a hospital in Cleveland that is one of the best in the country and they have some of the lowest health care costs around. How??? Well, since I heard this report at 6:30 and again somewhere around 8, I know! I did garner my energy and I did hop on the exercise bike for a short ride. So at least I did something. I did pack my lunch for work and had my breakfast so I didn't just throw everything aside for a live of laziness.

So here I am at work....I've already had 1/3 of the total amount of transactions that I had yesterday and I'm only 1 hour in. Still boring..because 7 transactions in an hour are not all that much...but I'll take what I can get. I'm reeling though...they seem to have blocked facebook!!! That was my daily entertainment! Oh well. I've still got blogger! LOL

My weight was down even further today. Four Tenths of a pound today, so it is slowing down...but still moving in the right direction at least!

mf

Boredom Eating

Boredom. Boredom is a very real and serious issue that I face day in and day out. My job. I'm tickled to have a job in this economy. I'm tickled that my job is so close to home (no small feat in Sharpsburg). I'm tickled that I don't have a job that 'comes home with me' in the evenings. BUT, my job is soooooo very boring. When we have customers it's not all that bad. However, we don't have all that many customers coming in and out at this point. So we sit. For hours we sit! NOOOOOO, it's not that customers don't want to come to me to have them wait on me....none of us have that many customers. So I sit here. I peruse the interent. I play games on the internet. I write in my blog (yup, second entry this morning....in two hours no less). I read other blogs (maybe I should add more to my list of ones that I read). I read books. I clip coupons. I try to do what I can to keep myself busy here. But it never truely masks the fact that I'm bored! And with boredom comes boredom eating. I got to work at 10 this morning and by 10:15 I was already starting to think about when I could eat lunch and what is in my lunch box. I play a game with myself to hold off on eating my lunch as long as possible. Simply because as soon as lunch is eaten and all is put away, I'm back to being bored. And then i start to think about food again. And let me tell you...the afternoons....from noon until we close at 6 is a LONG stretch to be bored and thinkign about food. Boredom eating is a huge issue!

The only thing that saves me is the fact that I pack my lunch. When the food in my lunch box is gone, I'm done eating. The bad thing? I know taht there are chips in the cabinet just over yonder. I will freely admit that there have been times in the not so distant past where after the lobby is closed that I have snuck over to that cabinet (the drive through person is facing the other direction) and tried to ever so quietly open up a bag of chips and get a light snack. (not only do I eat from boredom, but I'm also a closet eater). Sad, I know.

I deal with roughly 40 hours each week of this intense boredom. My will is being constantly tested. Food is in my thoughts for a good portion of that. Why? Because old habits die hard. I'm a food addict plan and simple. It (food) fills my thoughts much of my time. Is this something that I will ever change? I'm actually thinking no. I think that food will occupy most of my thoughts for the rest of my life. I'm ok with that though...because I'm constantly learning and evolving and learning how to deal with this addiction.

Joy joy...the downward slide (downward on the scales that is) continueth! Down even further today! I have to confess....I did not ride my bike this morning. I woke up and stumbled to my computer where I did the facebook thing, checked my email and read all the new posts on some of the blogs that I read...and just putzed around online. Lazy butt that I am. I work until 6 and I've got a realatively easy meal planned for Todd and I. After that, I have already politely asked (aka informed) my husband that we are goign to get some things done around the house. The screened in porch is in shambles! I know a lot of that is my fault as when I'm canning I run out and root through things to get the jars that I need. But tonight it will be organized! We also should mow the lawn. I may have him mow it and I'll follow up with the rake and gather up all those wonderful clippings for the compost pile! Wait, maybe I'll work on the trees that he cut down! Something. I'm just going to try to be active tonight!

Soooo did anyone read the article on brain function and obesity? Yes, apparently obese people have diminished brain capabilities. Just one more thing to scare us!

You know, I can't help but love that stage when you first get yourself back in line with your eating. The weight just drops off like nothing else! Ahhh yes, I'm in THAT stage! Wonder how long my body will continue to be really kind to me and drop weight like mad? I have a feeling not too much longer. I think I've probably dropped all the water weight and whatnot that my body can muster. However, I'd be tickled with one more day! ~~bottoms up on the water~~

I woke up this morning and pondered riding my bike to work again. I ended up chosing to not. HOWEVER, I did ride my exercise bike this morningi for 30 minutes. Yeah yeah yeah, I used to do an hour and a half. But you know....for my recent activity level, 30 minutes is spectacular! And I can't look at wwht used to be...I need to look at now and look to the future! So I'm proud of myself...formal exercise two days in a row! (watch out...it may snow).

I've brought in my recipe book. I have a friend coming to visit in a week and a half. She and I have been struggling and we both talked about the fact that we don't want to gain while she is here. It would be sooo darn easy too. But I'm planning on cooking at home some, which will help. We have also decided to set aside one splurge day. Not as an excuse to go hog wild...but to monitor our splurge. I'm thinking it may be the day we go to the ocean....that would probably be the wisest course since we will be leaving the house EARLY and getting back LATE (it's about three to three and a half hours one way to the beach). So most likely we will be eating all meals that day on the go...less control. PLUS, we'll be walking on the boardwalk and such while we are there...for activity. So anyway, I'm planning as many low points meals as possible so that it can counteract any higher points meals that we may eat out. I know Taco Soup is one of the things. I'm also thinking burritos. For a snack maybe some Sorbet Oh yum, thinking about pizza casserole, only 7 points for a big serving! Sooo that's my plan for the day!

Monday madness

I'm not feeling so extremist today. I don't think I'll be lobbing off an arm or a leg simply as a way to lose pounds. I'll hold that thought though for the future should the need arise. haa haa haa

My weight has dropped in the last two days. So I'm feeling remotely better about that. It's still high high high. But it's dropping and I'm not stopping until it does. Yesterday I calculated my points carefully and planned out my eating. I stayed within my points and all was good. I was also really active. I woke up at about 6 AM and went out and picked tomatoes, green peppers and zucchinis. The green peppers and zucchinis were for mom, the tomatoes...well joy joy, they were for me to preserve. So I worked on tomatoes all morning. After they were done, I cleaned the house and had just enough time to grab lunch, shower and then head up to Hagerstown. Mom and I went to the movies to see Julie and Julia. I really liked the movie. It was inspiring. Inspiring me to be more creative and try more recipes. No, I'm not the french cuisine type girl, so I have no desire to do the exact same thing. But it reminds me of my goal to try more recipes...which I have done. I go through spurts and try a lot and then go through weeks on end where I just cook the good old stand-by meals. But anyway, I digress....I liked the movie. Just a little feel good movie.

After the movie mom and I swung up through Smithsburg and I stopped at the orchard and picked up my pears. (and some other fruit to eat fresh). I skeddaddled on home and started the long process of canning my pears for the upcoming year. Todd came home midway through so I stopped, made dinner and then picked back up and finished those pears. (todd helped....what a great husband!) So I was on my feet all day working!

This morning I woke up early and went to the kitchen and put away the now dried dishes from my last washing last night. I also wiped down the jars from last night and put them away. I took out the last bowl of compost from last night and turned the compost pile. There is something about the steam rising from the compost pile that just excites me. (yeah, I'm weird I know). I picked the blossoms off the first year of our everbearing strawberries (about 75 plants) and I made breakfast for todd and I. The kitchen was cleaned up once again. I showered and packed my stuff and hopped onto my bike to ride into work. Yes, you read that right. I rode my bike to work. First time on the road since June 6th! I've been on my bike a handful of times, but it has been on the canal...flat flat flat. I will say that I'm feeling it. 2.5 miles and I'm feeling it. AND I of course have to ride home tonight. Oh well...I've got to get used to it. I'm pretty much to the do or die.....sink or swim time. I've got 3 weeks until my next organized ride. I don't want to be miserably sore. So I know that i need to be out on my bike a few times a week until then!

Ok, this makes no earthly sense. I carefully counted my points yesterday. I ate wisely at dinner. I did it right. And I gained? I gained??? WTF? Why don't I just go ahead and lob off one of my appendages. I mean, my arm must weight what....5 pounds? 10 pounds?

Taco soup!

Taco soup.....sooo yummy!

http://maryfransmenu.blogspot.com/2009/08/taco-soup.html

BIke news

January 12, 2009 (134 of 365), originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

I love my Trek. It has been with me through thick and thin...through the loss of 100 plus pounds. And I do not plan on getting rid o my Trek. I'll be keeping that for riding on the canal. My trek is what is known as a comfort bike, so not really a mountain bike not really a....well not really anything else. I love it. But you sit more upright and it just isn't that efficient. So I do believe it's time to buy a road bike. I'm looking at the jamis Ventura Comp. I was looking at the sport, but I do believe I'm going to upgrade to the comp. We'll have to see.

Food thus far today is rolling. . I haven't eaten taht many points, but they were foods that really filled me up and satisfied me (taco soup...yummy! and only 1 point per 1 cup!). That helps the points along when you eat 2 cups of very fillling soup for 2 points!

I did eat a bit at work yesterday, but I thought I managed quite nicely. So I stepped on the scales this morning. I was down about a half of pound (.6 to be exact). I'll take it. I am thus far on track today with my eating. I've figured out what I'm having for dinner and what I ahd for breakfast and lunch. I did have a snack here at work (leftovers from yesterdays party, but I have the points for it so all is well). And yes, even with the snacks, my food choices for today will have given me plenty of fruits and veggies. :-)

Here I am. I had a pretty good day food wise yesterday. Kept it together. Today I'm determined to forego the birthday pot luck meal that's sitting here in all it's glory. I know that if I start, just to even 'try' something, that I will not stop eating. SOOOO I'm not starting. I brought a fruit tray, so there is something for me to nibble so that I don't seem so anti-social. It also helps that I leave here today at noon...so I won't be tempted all day long!

My weight...stayed exactly the same from yesterday morning to this morning. But that's ok...it's going to go down!

options and feelings

So I was writing a response to a blog entry today and wrote that after a day of eating lots of good things that there are a myriad of feelings and emotions pouring through me. They include

1. Euphoria over the lingering memories of the delicious tasting food.
2. Physical illness from eating foods that my body is not accustomed to (or should I say in the quantity that my body is not accustomed to).
3. Mentally kicking myself for binging. Self disgust if you will.

Yeah, it's kinda confusing to have all of these emotions and feelings coursing through my body. But after I typed it and I'm sitting here at work, I realized that I need to make the choice. I can feel any or all of those emotions OR I can feel some other emotions and feelings......

4. Empowerment-received when I'm on top of my eating and beating my food addiction.
5. Physically strong-the food that my body is receiving gives me energy and a vivaciousness because it is what my body needs and in the quantity that my body needs.
6. Happiness and a growing respect for healthy foods. The more I eat them, the better some things taste.
7. A slight feeling of missing out from not eating the foods that I'm addicted to.

Soooo i have an option of 6 feelings. Some will go hand in hand. But my food choices will affect how I feel. Is that euphoric feeling really worth having the effects of numbers 2 and 3? On the flip side, are the wonderful feelings and emotions of numbers 4-6 enough to outweigh and overpower the negative of 7???

Sooo that is my deep thoughts for the day.