clueless!!!

Yes, I'm clueless as to where my weigh loss progress is this week. I did weigh in a few days ago and noticed that my weight was up abut 2 pounds. That brought me around a bit and I was able to get my eating a bit more under control. Probably not totally back in line...but at least a bit better. I'm hoping.

I'm wondering if my 'ick' cycle has not been what's causing me all this grief these past weeks. Last month the ick was short and sweet. We are talking REALLY light for like less than one day. This month it has hit with a vengeance. So I'm wondering if that has played a roll in my rough month? Ok, ok, ok...I'm grasping at straws! tee hee hee

I get off today at 3. I'm planning on doing some laundry this afternoon and then relaxing this evening. Todd is working so I'll have to be doign 'quiet' things around the house....so I'll probably work on some of my projects for the other place. I think an evening of rest and relaxation will be a good thing for me!

the good, the bad and the ugly

What first...the good or the bad. Hmmm...I think I'll go with the bad first..and end on a good note.

I'm eating like a starving pig! What more can I say? I'm just eating and eating and eating! Not exercising and I have no desire to exercise! ARRGGHHH

The good news...and hopefully it will spark me to be 'good'. I was gettign ready for work, standing in the closet trying to figure out what to wear. Out of the corner of my eye I glimpsed my two 'goal dresses'. These are dresses that I found a few years ago for like a dollar a piece. One is a size 10, the other is a size 12. They are both denim (pity because I can't wear denim to my current job). Anyway, I saw them out of the corner of my eye. Just for a giggle I decided to put the 12 one...or should I say TRY to put the 12 on and see how close I am. OH MY WORD>>>>>>IT FIT! IT FITS! IT FITS! It is on the tighter side...but it fits! I can't believe it! Who would have ever guessed! I mean, I bought it....but I never really truly imagined that i'd actually ever fit into it! WOAH doggie! In fact, I think when I first bought them, my words (I think I journalled it...I'll have to go back and read and try to find it) were "I may never fit into these dresses...but they will serve as inspiration......cheaply".

Oh the other thing. A conversation with a friend sparked me to think about eating out and the booths that we are usually seated in. It made me think back a few years to when my husband and i would go out to eat. If we were sat in a booth, we wouldn't sit directly across from each other. We would sit more diagonally. This would allow us to push the table into a cock-eyed position....giving us each more room for our over-sized bodies! It's crazy because we no longer do that. In fact, I usually ahve WAY too much room in a booth!

Things are still strange in weight loss land

The weight was still down this morning. In fact, it as down even further. I didn't eat all that great last night. I had the points available for the meal and TWO cornbread muffins. I ate 4 muffins. So go figure! Oh well....it's still down. However, I do know that I'm goign to have to start being religious again very soon! I wish and pray that I am able to continue to eat like this and no longer exercise (like this past week). However, I know that is just not going to be the case. :-) We'll see what my official weigh in is!

Worked over at the other place this morning. The library is almost ready for the books to move in! Woo hooo! In fact, it's so close that we set up the futon that was stored over there and we were sitting on it for a while this morning....in the room. Yes, we decided to keep the futon and use it in the library. For a couple reason. One, it will give us seating in the library. And two, we can use it as a bed when we have company.

Walked back to the old trash pit on our property that we just located. I can not wait to start digging it out!!!! What treasures I may find!!!!!

Woah doggie!

Ok, so I've been somewhat disgusted with the weight loss progress. I know that times like this are when people usually give up and quit. I've never seriously contemplated quitting. However, I do know that while my motivation was still going strong this past week, that my willpower had taken a hike. Ok....it just plain up and died on me! I exercised ONCE during this past week. I journalled next to nothing in my food intake journal. I ate what I wanted and when I wanted it. (for the most part). I had cake, cookies, ice cream, and goodies. I DID NOT eat all my fruits and vegetables. Multi-vitamin....haa! Nada! I was however still cognizant of how much I was eating...and I did somewhat calculate the points (in my head...rounded off). I didn't weigh myself ANY this past week. SOOO this morning it was with much fear and trepidation that I stepped onto the scale. I had contemplated not stepping on the scale...and simply going to my meeting, weighing in and finding out then what kind of damage I had done this week. Well, I almost started jumping up and down with joy when I saw that the scales showed me at 182.6! My last weigh in...was last Thursday and I was 184. (On my last weigh in day I was 185.....woo hooo...I'm DOWN!!!!!!!)

I had already made up my mind that with the new week looming, that I was going to start being religious again about watching what I'm eating and such. I think in my mind I figured that I kinda needed a little break away from that routine. SOOOO seeing that I actually LOST weight during my little 'break' I"m half way afraid to pick back up on the exercise and stuff. I will though,....it's good for me. :-)

I think it's about time for an update on the renovations at the other place. The library floor...... 3/5 of the way done! I'm pulling out my hair though. The flooring that I'm putting down is MUCH more difficult to work with in comparison to the others that I have. I was literally rolling around on the floor trying to get it to be a bit more malleable against that stupid imperfect floor! As I was rolling around my thoughts? Well, I was thinking that if I was still 300 pounds it would be working better than the 185 'new and improved' MaryFran. Probably one of the only times that I will ever find something really positive to say about my old weight! :-) OK...enough about the flooring. I also spent quite some bit of time scrubbing and scouring the stove and oven! I have put it into place in the kitchen. I'm going to take my oven thermometer over there one day soon and see how 'off' the oven temperature is. I'm hoping that it's pretty dead on! :-) I'm also going to test the burners to see how they are! I'm hopign that they are all in working order. My stove where we live currently has a burner that's out. And I never realized how much I actually use all of my burners when I'm cooking! For that matter, when we build, I'm splurging for one of those 6 burner stoves! Todd worked very hard yesterday. Although I couldn't resist ribbing him a bit. When we were at Lowes last week, I picked up some pvc prime and cement and had it in the cart. Todd was like, "no, I've got plenty at home" and promptly took it out of the cart and put it back on the shelf. Sooooooo of course yesterday when he sheepishly comes out of the bathroom where he was working to tell me that he didn't have any pvc pipe cement I just couldn't resist giving him a hard time! Of course he dind't have his wallet or keys with him. SOOOO I ended up having to drive to Charlestown to run into Home Depot to pick up some. The bathroom.....well, I have a tub installed! The drain line is hooked up! I actually sat and layed back in my tub for a bit while I was talking to Todd (woah...another time when I kinda wished i had more weight on me.......I was sitting in the tub to make sure it was down as far as it would go...and to make sure that it was not wobbly!). Todd was just shaking his head like I was a ninny...because I was laughing and pretending I was taking a bath. :-) So the tub base is in and ready to go. Then Todd put the toilet in! So now he has to hook up the faucets and the shower head and put the surround up on the walls! At that point, I think we may be ready to turn on the water!!! Won't that be exciting???????????

Sore muscles as my poor excuse to not exercise

My muscles are sore from my workout on Thursday. I decided to push myself further than I normally do. So I kicked up the amount of weight that I lifted. And I'm feelign it in my muscles. Yesterday I didn't notice my stomach muscles..but I just stretched and wow, I really felt it! The gym has recently added a bunch of new 'ab' machines. Kinda cool. I tried one of them. I didn't think it did much good...but eii yii yiii...I guess it did. :-)

This morning, the alarm went off early. I got up and went to the bathroom. The problem...as I was walking I was feelign my sore muscles....so instead of gettign on my workout clothes...I crawled back into bed. NOT good. I can't even say that I slept that extra hour. NOOOOO, I just laid there awake. Why do I do these things?

My excuse...the sore muscles. I know that when i get off work at around noon, that I'm goign to rush home, eat a quick lunch and then head over to the other place to work. I'll probably be working for at least 6 hours tonight....so I didn't want to overdo it this morning. Yep...lazy ass excuse!

Happy February!

Well...my weight this morning was at 184. A bit up from yesterday..but not so much that I'm upset. In fact, I didn't eat all that good yesterday evening so I'm kinda glad that it wasn't up more than that .6 pounds! I went and had spagetti with mom and dad. Todd was suppossed to go with me for dinner but he ate something bad when he was at his Kiwanis meeting and apparently had a case of food poisioning...so I left the puke machine at home. After dinner I decorated a bunch of cakes for mom. It is fun to decorate...but it's been so long since I've done it That I wasn't overly happy with my job.....but it will suffice. Poor mom...she says that the pain hit her so bad last night that she was up all night...in tears.

I didn't exercise this morning. I woke up and I was so productive. I was paying bills, taking care of some issues that i've been pushing under the rug, doing some paperwork for the business. Super productive. BUT, buy the time that I was actually winding up, I looked at the clock and I had less than an hour to shower, dress for work, eat lunch, scrap my car (ice storm) and get to work. Sooo...there went my morning exercise. I know that I can vow that I will exercise tonight. And I'd really like to. HOWEVER, I know that our new XBox 360 came today.....so do you think I'm going to want to exercise or am i going to want to play games with my husband? Hmmmmm. We have been planning to get one early in the year 2008. Mainly because Grand Theft Auto is being released this spring. We got a bundle deal...and picked up something like 15 games with it. Ghost Recon 1 and 2, Halo 2 and 3, one of the Rainbow six games, a racing game, a few more 'shoot em up style games, some sports games (two football, one soccer, one golf, and a tennis). We got a really good deal! :-) Hmmm...what shall we play first. And let me say...if that putz that I married plays them without me this afternoon......ooooohhhhh I'll ...I'll..... Oh, I'll do nothing but razz him about it! So in all honest, I know that exercise is only a remote (very remote) possibility for me tonight.

Speaking of the XBox...when I gave in and agreed to getting the new xbox, I talked to todd about not using the xbox until we move...because it maymake it much more difficult for us to get over there and work if we know we have fun games to play. But, I guess i can try to think of it as a reward....work to do such and such and then go home and relax by playing a game. I guess for me it will be the hardest...because when I'm home I have stuff to do...I still have the rug to finish......the curtains for the bedroom to make...and that quilt to finish. So I won't be playing much. Oh well...... I'm an adult...I'm sure I'll be fine.

MADE IT TO THE GYM! WOOOOO HOOOO! I got a good workout in...and I'm very happy with what I did. I could tell a difference on one of the machines that I use to work out my arms that my right arm has gotten stronger. Could it be all that painting? tee hee hee

This morning todd and i woke up early. We had to take the van back to my parents. We decided to stop at lowes again on the way to the gym. We were so into picking out the tub, toilets and stuff yesterday at Lowes...that we forgot to get the tub kit...the one that has the knobs, the shower head and the faucet! Ooops! So we went in and picked that out. I have to say..the el cheapo ones looked just like that.....cheap. So we stayed away from the welfare sets and went with a mid range set. The shower head is like 5 inches in diameter....won't that feel soooo good?????? And I did help mom roll out her sugar cookie dough. I think we are moving up the cake decorating and dinner at mom and dad's to tonight. :-) No complaints from me...that's one less meal I have to make...or pay for! :-) Ok, I'm taking the salad! But, that's easy....becasue when i come home from the store, I chop and prepare everything...so it was a think of putting all the salad fixin' containers and bags into one big bag for me to grab after work.

My weight was down this morning to 183.4. So it's on it's way down again. Hopefully it stays down and continues to travel downward! :-) I'm going to try to get on the exercise bike for at least a 20 minute ride when we get home tonight. I'm going to try to shake myself loose from these darn pesky 180's anyway I have to....even if that means that i work out twice a day. tee hee hee. :-)

Flowers, a weigh in, and general life

Not the greatest picture from this angle and with the clock in the back ground...but shows the size...especially when I say that I was standing about 10 feet back from it in order to get the whole arrangement in the picture!

Well...the other day I was sitting in my managers office talking to her. Wewere talking about the changes that may come and I was taking care ofgetting some days off requested. Well, the other gals were just fiddlin'around and yelled out..."ohhh look, someone is getting flowers". They wereall speculating who it was. I didn't even bother to turn and look at theguy as he approached and entered....I mean, I wasn't getting flowers..therewould be no reason. But as the gals talked (it took him a while to get theflowers out of the van and come in) there were only four of us there. One'shusband is i the hospital...and another one's husband was incredibly ill (weare talking hugging the porcelin throne ALL day). So that only left two ofus. Still...why would I be getting flowers? Well....let me tell you. MY...yes MY flowers were all sorts of various colored roses. Todd chose toadd a balloon that said Love love love and he added a little teddy bear onthe vase. It is HUGE!!!!!! And gorgous. No reason for the flowers...justbecause. :-) What a nice treat!Well...we woke up early this morning...especially since it was a day off.(6AM). I exercised and made breakfast (egg and cheese sandwiches...todd'shad vegetarian sausage also) and then we headed up to town. We were at momand dad's by 8AM...to get the van. And we were at Lowes by 8:30. (The newLowes is nice..and the people/workers are so friendly). Lowes took usFOREEEEEEEEEVER!. We didn't get out of there until about 10:30. We had todecide what toilets to buy...what tub to buy...what surround to buy foraround the tub. You name it...we had to decide. And it was big bulkystuff. When we checked out...I was pushing a cart with all the little stuff(oh yes...I got my lights for my kitchen) and I was pulling a cart thathad our tub and the wall surround on it. Todd was pushing a cart that hadtwo toilets and a ton of trim (moulding and quarter round, etc). We musthave been a sight! We shoved it all in the van and we were homeward bound.We were at the trailer by probably 11:30/Noon. And we worked until about6PM. I know I got a lot done...but it was stuff that I don't actually 'see'the progress...but I know that it moved me further along. :-) My kitchensink is done! (todd did that...all the plumbing and installing the sink andfaucets). I put flooring down in the bedroom closet and the library closet.I laid the floor under where the refridge and stove go. (I did that eventhough we aren't ready for the whole floor simply becuase I"m tired ofhaving to walk around and deal with the stove and refridge that are sittingin the middle of the living room!) So my next step is to actually cleanthem really good.....scour those puppies down and then move them into place!My floor for the kitchen....well, it's going to be busy...it's a black andwhite checkerboard style....reminicent of the 50's....or of a diner...boththings that are near and dear to my heart......so I'll be ok with it! :-)I ran through my last can of paint. I have one more coat to do on ONE wallin the bedroom.......just a tad wee little area on the ceiling in the livingroom...and one wall in the kitchen (which I can do now that Todd finishedpatching it!). I'll pick up more paint tomorrow when I return the van to myparents!When we take the van back tomorrow, I'm goign to roll out some cookie doughfor mom. She sprained her rotator cuff....they are pretty sure it's asprain and not torn (thank goodness). She still has to go to therapy twicea week. She can barely move her arm...and she has orders for cookies...soI'm going to take the van back.....roll out her cookies and go to the gym.I don't have to work until 2PM so it will work. Then I think on Fridaynight after I get off work we are going up to have dinner with mom anddad.....and then I'm going to decorate her cakes for Saturday! :-)

NOw.....on to the weight stuff......I showed a gain of 2.4 pounds at the meeting last night. Frustrating! Julie told me that it happened to her at one point where she'd have spikes in her weight for no reason. PLUS...I realized that I've been within 3 pounds of this weight for 5 months.....starting month six. Woooooo Hooooo plateau!

What is it with Mondays?

What is it with Mondays you may be asking. WELL.....I got on the scale this morning, and low and behold my weight was up. Yesterday I was sitting at 182.6 Still up a bit from my lowest...but much better in comparison to last weeks weigh in. So when I saw that I was at 186 this morning I just wanted to scream! Wasn't it a week ago that I was writing about how my weight just jumped drastically!

Is it like a a friend just suggested...that since I'm getting smaller it's just more difficult to lose? Or is it just that I'm for some reason retaining water? I will say that I didn't go to the bathroom much yesterday...even though I was drinking quite a bit! I'm drinking up a storm today..and I'm going. So maybe that has something to do with it!!!!!! Who knows.... I certainly don't! ARRGGGHHHHH



No matter, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. Watching what I eat...staying within my points. Exercising my 6 days a week...and I need to be assured and happy with the fact that what I'm doing is making me healthy even if the scales are not showing a downward slide.



Meanwhile, I've been working a lot over at the other place. I'm making a good deal of progress. The painting is just about done. I've got the bathroom floors laid. Its really starting to come together.

thoughts on maintaining my weight loss forever

My mom asked me a while back if I thought that this was somthing that I'd be able to do forever (eating and being op). I answered yes. Everyone says maintainance is harder. But I think only because they feel the need to let down their gaurd. That is why I'm getting in the habit of weighing each day....and I've set myself up with that 5 pound mark....and getting myself in that mindset. I think I've told you about my 5 pound thoughts. Basically, I know what my lowest weight ever is (179.8). I'm not happy if I gain any weight at all...but I'm ok as long as I stay within a 5 pound radius of that mark (yes....in December and just recently I've blown that mark...and notice how paniced I became). My reason for doing this. A few months back, I gained .8 pounds one week and I was like, "woah...that's not so bad" The following week I gained 1 pound. And once again I was like, One pound isn't that bad. The third week I gained about a pound and a half...and once again I was like, "in the grand scheme of things that's not bad." HOwever when I looked at where I was......yeah, each week individually wasn't bad...but collectively...eii yiii yiiii 3 pounds! So I decided to set up my 5 poond thing. Yeah, I can say 'it's not bad' for a few weeks...but when I see those scales show me 5 pounds higher than my lowest weight...then I need to go into panic mode. :-) So I"m trying to do anything I can to prepare myself for the long haul (the rest of my life!)



The scales are going down again! THANK GOODNESS! Sadly enough...all this hard work I'm doing this week is not really taking me lower...it's returning me to my previous lowest! SICK! BUT, that's the way this journey goes. :-)

The great weight debate

Yes, the great weight debate today is should I weigh in daily or not. Under normal circumstances I think it's a good thing to weigh in every day. However, I'm coming through a difficult stretch. I'm trying to turn around a little period of weight gain. So this morning as I lay in bed thinking about getting up, I debated. Should I weigh myself today and risk the disapointment of finding that I didn't lose anything or God forbid gained again. I knew that if i found that I had gained I would be absolutely devastated. If I thought yesterday was bad...today would have been ten times worse. BUT, I also am smart enough to know that if I didn't weigh in I'd be obsessing about it all day. I'd be wondering...and worrying over what the scales would be saying should I step on. SOOOOO it was with much fear and trepidation that I stepped on the scales. Yesterday morning I was up to 187.2 pounds. This morning I was down to 186.0 pounds. Not a total elimination of the weight that I've gained...but I do see progress in the right direction.

I got up this morning and did the Jillian Michaels Cardio Kickbox dvd. It was the first time that I did that one. It was pretty good. It wasn't too rough with the impact stuff....which is a GREAT thing. I dont' want high impact...but I want my heart rate up there. This one seemingly fits the bill! Woo HOOOO :-) Regardless..I'm very happy with myself for dragging myself out of bed and doing it!

I have a three day weekend this weekend (off Friday, Saturday and then the normal Monday). I'm planning on working over at the other place for some of that time. At least a few hours each day. Tomorrow I'll probably be over there longer than the other days...Todd will be with me (he doesn't work until the evening.) My plans......get the floor down in the bathrooms. Finish painting the bedroom and start the living room...and work on the walk in closet. If I can get that done, it will leave me just to finish the living room and the floor for the library. Todd and I will also need to do the floor for the kitchen. We need to decide what do do for the flooring in the bedroom and living room. Todd needs to finish the walls (tileboard) in the laundry room, set the toilets and put in the tub. And then he's down to working on the flooring stuff with me. Other than that...it's trim stuff and touch up stuff. WOO HOOOO!

Pity Party

Yes, I'm having a pity party for myself. I'm gaining weight. I've been so good the last few days...yet the scales continue to go up! This mornign, i was so sure that they woudl be down a bit..and to step on them and see that I was up another half pound. Well...no word other than devastating will suffice. Yes, I was totally devastated. Enough that I sat down beside my poor sleeping husband and had a good cry. I told him how tired I was of all this healthy eating stuff...and how I wanted to just eat any old thing I wanted. And how disgusted I was that I gained without being bad. My word...if I'm going to gain (5 pounds) I at least want to be able to say, "but it was sure worth it!" Todd, all bleary eyed and struggling to stay away did ask if I was willing to throw away all the hard work I've done to get to where I am by giving up. Honestly...no I'm not willing to give it up....but I won't lie and say that the temptation isn't there!

Todd and I, after I calmed down a bit, and once he wasn't struggling to keep his eyes open quite as much as he was when I first sat down on the bed, talked a little about our plans for when I get off work today. Tenatively we are goign to run to Frederick to put out some flyers for a studio event. We are goign to swing back to hagerstown and go to the gym.....and then home. Dinner will depend on the time. If no time...somewhere that I can get something relatively healthy to eat for dinner....but if there is time...then home to have Homemade sweet and sour chicken over rice.

Bless his pea-pickin heart...I had to call him to let him know that I would be working an extra hour today and getting home at 3 instead of 2. He did some light cleaning at the house for me. It's really not funny...but in a way it is cute to see what happens after I have a crying jag in front of my husband.

As for the tears.......I know I was exhausted yesterday. I didn't feel all that bad. I knew I was tired.....but I know it was a much deeper tiredness than I thought. I have double vision (I thought everyone saw two of everything for many years before some eye doctor figured it out). My brain automatically adjusts so that I'm not reaching for the 'wrong' thing. My brain just processes the two things and can figure out which is real....or where the 'real' thing is. The only time I really have a problem is when I'm really tired...then my brain just doesn't process it correctly or fast enough or something. So yesterday I was at work and noticed it first when i went to go under a long phone cord that was stretched across the room (someone was on the phone). I reached for the cord and I had grabbed for the wrong one......over and over. One other event that stood out was when I was trying to fill out my balance sheet...I struggled so hard trying to figure out which line was the proper one that I needed to write my information on. So the tears could have something to do with that I'm sure.

A friend mentioned to me that it's no wonder that I'm not losing. First of all, my exercise isn't happening as it should. Secondly, I'm working like a banshee on the other place...and that's probably causing all sorts of stress and worries. So my body is being thrown into a tail spin. I'm not sure, but I don't like it!

I did get up early this morning and ride the exercise bike. It doesn't give me a good workout...but at least it was something.

Disgust!

Yesterday I did so good. I was careful, I was active (painting..but active none-the-less) and I stopped on the scales this morning....woah baby was I up! That is so not cool! It's actually quite disgusting.

Honestly, it makes me want to give in and give up. NO, I'm not going to. I've already made plans to buckle down even further. BUT it is just so disheartening! Like I said in yesterday's entry, I know what I've done. The sick part is that I wasn't being all that bad. And to gain a significant amount just really puts a damper on any enthusiasm I have for this journey. Where in the world does one find the mojo to continue on when the chips are down.

My exercising still isn't where it should be. The alarm went off at the proper time...allowing me to have the time to exercise, shower, eat breakfast and get ready for work (and still be here on time). I leaned over and turned the alarm off....and then preceeded to lay in bed for about 25 minutes. I can make all sorts of excuses...it was cold out....I was tired....whatever excuse I want to make. But it boils down to the fact that I just didn't feel like it. Even as I lay there beating myself up for not getting out of bed...I made plans to exercise tonight. I thought about the fact that I'll be watching The Biggest Loser tonight and I have decided that if I don't exercise before than, that I will ride the bike while I watch it tonight. I'm fearful though...because I know that the best laid plans don't always work out. I've got to kick start my exercising though.

I'm not going to my meeting tonight. Various reasons.....with the biggest being the fact taht i'm working a long day today and I know that usually after working a long day i just want to go home and put on my comfy clothes. I know I gained.....I know what I need to do to fix it.

Work on the other place is progressing nicely. It looks a mess.....but I can see where things are going to really start falling together very soon. :-) I'm looking forward to moving in over there. There have been some hardships where we live. It's not exactly easy to live above a recording studio.....just to name one. Plus, the water issues (we live on a cistern so before i do anything I have to check to make sure we have enough water to do it...and we have to haul in drinking water). Heat....an old house...difficult to heat! The other place has good heating! (and central air for the summer...what a plus....no more window units like we have now). I could go on and on with lists of wonderful things. Things that you'd normally take for granted...but I haven't. In a way it's been a very good thing. I've learned not to take for granted many things. Water.....how many times do we simply turn on the faucet and let the water run with no thought. I don't do that. In fact, I hope I never just mindlessly waste water....I don't want to become hardened again. So there have been some important lessons that I've learned. :-)

NOT GOOD

Woah......I realized yesterday that I had not journalled ANYTHING that I'd eaten in my food tracker! NOT good. I know from past experience that when I don't journal every bite...that I tend to eat a little more and gain weight. SOOOO...I'm back on track with at least that.

I still haven't gotten back into the exercise. I find it simply amazing how difficult it is to motivate yourself to get back into the exercise routine. When I'm doing good....exercising 6 days a week it seems so easy to do it. After I haven't done it for a few days it seems so difficult to do even one day! BUt, each day...each minute is a new one...and I'm starting fresh!

My weight is up a bit. Not a good thing. However, I'm going to make sure that it comes down!!!!!!

Well...I showed that .8 loss at my last weigh in. But since then I've sort of fallen apart. I've not done too awfully terrible. However I know that I'm not doing all that great either. My weight has gone up a pound or two. That is totally disappointing! SO I decided to look deeply and see exactly what is happening. There are two things going on. Exercise and eating......duh..what else could it be!

Exercise. Well, my foot injury from the other week. While I'm ok with basic walking. I found out that it still hurts pretty badly if I'm on my foot too long or do something too demanding with my foot. I keep telling myself that there is no excuse...I should be on the exercise bike! BUT, saying that and doing that are two different things. I don't want to overextend myself...with an injury becuase that will keep me from exercising all that much longer!

EATING. This one is the biggie. I do ok with my lunch. But when it comes time to make dinner...I'm in the kitchen and I snitch food while I making dinner. Yes, dinner could be mere minutes from being put on the table and I am eating something else! This is so not good...it's wracking up extra points that I don't need to be eating! I know that's where the problem lies! Becuase if I actually look at my 'meals'...my points are right on target....it's that snitching that is pushing me over the edge! I keep telling myself that I'm not goign to do it anymore, yet it happens time and time again! NOT COOL!

I've been busy also with stuff for the other place. It seems as if my spare time is spent in one of three ways. One...over at the other place, painting, cleaning and otherwise working. OR Two, spent planning and purchasing stuff. or THREE, in making curtains and other things that I'll need. (Yeah, I'm making them...it's more fun...and I can get what I want!) So I feel overwhelmed with life and all that it entails right now!

Thoughts on my Food Addiction

I was writing an email to a friend this morning. This friend has just recently started to switch to a healthier lifestyle and is trying to lose weight. I had mad a comment about how when I'm eating correctly and I've won, at least temporarily, this battle over my food addiciton, that I feel so empowered and so proud of myself that it's almost as if I'm on a little high. It started to make me think. Ok, I'm addicted to food and when I'm eating something, I'll overeat to continue to feel that high or that rush of good feelings that I get when I eat something delicious. Sooooo if I can get a similar (no, I'm not even going to say that its the same) feeling when I win a battle with this addiction...is there someway that I can equate that feeling and substitute it for the those feelings/highs i get when I'm eating like a mad woman? Yes, I know addiction transferrance is a bad thing. But trying to equate those really good feelings of beating it and putting that positive act in place of the negative one can't be bad.

I've looked deeply at why I may be addicted to food. I iknow that I love the tastes and textures of food. I don't sit and crave foods though. My problem begins when I start to eat something. Or I should say when i start to eat something that's really good. What happens is that it tastes sooo good....I keep eating because simply for that reason.....it's so good. I've found though...that the first few bites are what tastes the best. WOAH......a thought just popped into my head. A previous boss of mine told me that she had read that if you take three bites of something that you would be satisfied when you were done and would be able to push away. Well......i've tried it and it does work. It takes willpower but you are totally satisfied with only three bites (of the bad stuff of course). That kind of works into my addiction thing. Those first three bites or the best anyway. After the first couple bites, the taste diminishes. (Although, becasue I'm an addict, I continue to eat and eat and eat more of the same thing...trying to re-kindle those first bite feelings). HMMMMMMMMM So they both go together hand in hand.

Tonight is my weigh in. I actually forgot to weigh in this morning. Therefore, I really and truely don't know how it's going to go. I know that my weight has been at around 181 on my home scales these last few days. But today...who knows....the ick arrived just the other day...and that can totally mess up the works! We'll have to see. If my home scales remain somewhat true to the meeting scales I should be down about 1.5 to 2 pounds. We'll ahve to see though! :-) It will be interesting to see how everyone else did this week!

My foot is doing pretty good. It doesn't hurt anymore when I walk or move around. However, i just realized that it hurts when I'm running. I ran over to the library while at work. I didn't put on my winter coat and just ran over. It was very cold. So I ran back to the bank.....my foot hurt while I was running. True, I had on a shoe with a bit of a heel.....but still. So I'm still goign to have to be careful. We didn't make it to the gym last night....well, take that back, we made it to the gym....but they were having a blood drive for the Red Cross ....so we gave blood instead (ok, Todd gave....I went through the whole rigamorole and waited and all that and then they couldn't find a vein to tap...oh well). So that used up our time...and Todd had to work in the evening so we dindt' have the time to do both. BUT, I know that I need to kick my exercise back into gear. I'd optimally like to go back into exercising first thing in the morning....and then ride the bike for 20-30 minutes in the evening if at all possible. I think that would help me drop these pounds to get to my goals!

For some reason my pictures of my 'babies' won't upload! It's really starting to pluck my nerves!

Good eating, size 12, wearing mediums, doing well!

Well, my weight is still holding at roughly 181.5 pounds! Even with the ick having started! I'm pretty happy about that. Yeah, I'd like to drop into the 170's...but I'll settle with any loss!

I've been doing pretty good with my eating the last few days. I've tried to stay within my points and make healthy options. I haven't been exercising as much as I normally do...basically because I wanted to give my foot a bit of a break. Today though, I get off work at 3PM and Todd and I are planning on going to the gym. That should give me a nice workout! Woo hooo!

Yesterday I was at the mall with mom. I decided to try on some dress pants. No, I'm not buying any....the ones that I have are ok for use still...my current pants are size 14's. Some are getting loose on me...but they are definitely still wearable. :-) So, I decided to try on the 12's to see how they fit. I can fit into the 12's!!! Amazing!!! I'm hoping to leapfrog over the 12's. Basically wear the 14's loose and baggy as long as I can...with belts and whatnot, and try to save my money by not buying any/many 12's......and then buy 10's as my next size down. We'll see. I know that in the past, I've been so tickled to actually be the next size down that I go ahead and buy one pair of pants that fits me perfectly. We'll see. I've always kinda thought that I'd be around a 10 when I get to my goal weight....that's looking like it may be true. Possibly even an 8. Oh my word..that would be like unheard of in my book...to be an 8! But, no worries....I'll be what I'll be when I get there! :-)

The other thing that happened at the mall. I was in this one store with mom and found this adorable dress shirt....(it had a cat embroidered on it). It was on the sale rack...my kind of shopping (at least now when I'm trying to be frugal with money as my sizes are changing so drastically). So I picked up an XL to try on. I actually also picked up a Large. I know that the last thing I'd had purchased (months ago) from that store was an XL....and I knew that it was quite loose now. Well, I went in and tried on the XL....very big. I modelled it for mom and pointed out the buttons and little flaps on the side that would enable me to draw the shirt in a bit smaller as I lost weight. REALLy cool. But as it was big, we decided to try on the large. I went in and woah doggie..the large was still pretty roomy. I must have had this huge look of consternation on my face as I went back to the rack of clothes. They had only had like 4 of these shirts...what was the chance that they actually had another one...but this time in Medium. Well, thet did! I tried it on.....it's not as roomy as the Large (obviously) but it fit quite nicely. It still has the button thing...so as I lose some more, I'll still be able to pull it in a little as I continue to lose! SOOOO I'm wearing a MEDIUM. What's with that? :-)

I did finally go into Victoria's Secret. I felt a bit awkward at first. Afterall, I've still got the 'fat girl' mentality. I'll admit that I was a bit intimidated because of my own insecurities. However, I'm every bit as entitled to be there. I didn't even have to buy the largest sizes that they sold! God Bless my husband for recognizing my insecurities with this weight loss and taking steps to get me past it (he knew that a gift certificate would ensure me going into there.). :-) I didn't buy anything super sexy or anything. I bought things that I desparately needed. When I get closer to my goal weight (and a more stabile size) I'll splurge and buy some of this big ticket items! :-)

Work is still progressing at the other place. I'm sure that the fact taht I've done a decent amount of work over there has helped to bring my weight down a bit this week (especially since I haven't bee exercising a whole lot, because of my foot). Even though it is not work that is making me strain and sweat......it is causing me to be on my feet and moving. THAT has to count for something. I'm hoping that once I can kick back into the routine of formal exercise every day, topped with the work over there..that the weight will just melt off of me!!!!

Measurments

I try to take a monthly measurement of my body with the good old tape measure. I keep the figures on a spreadsheet....making a new spreadsheet for every year. So I decided tonight to go ahead and do my Jan. 2008 measurements. For some reason, I decided to compare my first measurements to todays. Well, what I did was actually find the spot on the tape measure ....from my measurments from 2 years ago and then hold it in place. It was actually shocking to see the very visible evidence of exactly how big I was. Mind boggling!

Saturday Morning

Yep, Saturday morning hit...and with it the absolute feeling of lethargy......which means that I slept in a bit and didn't get up to exercise. I'm not too overly concerned. I only work until noon. And then at that point I am going to run home, eat a quick lunch and then run over to the other house to work. I'll be painting, climbing ladders, squating to dip brushes/rollers, etc etc etc. for a couple hours, so at least I'll be somewhat active today. I should be able to have at least 4-5 hours over there to work today. On one hand, I'm dreading going over there and working...I'll be by myself and I really do get tired of painting. In fact, its already starting to wear thin. But on the other hand, I'm so excited about getting it done that I just want to be over there constantly to get it done as quickly as possible.

Tonight, Todd wants another mushroom swiss burger with some kind of pasta. I'm debating exactly what kind of pasta to make....one that I like and I'll eat.....or one that I hate so I will not eat. HMMM I guess it depends on what I eat for lunch I guess. :-)

My weightw as down to 181.6 this morning...so at least I'm going downward....slowly!

Mysteriously Quiet

I just realized that I've been very quiet on my blog. It's not because I've been doing poorly, or that I've fallen off the wagon. The main reason is that I've been incredibly busy. We are working on some remodelling projects on a house that we own....one that we are hoping to move into in a few months. It's a lot of cosmetic things....but todd's step father didn't take care of it and left it in shambles.....and a pig-sty. Therefore, I pretty much want every surface painted over or covered! So I've been painting...hours and hours of painting! Every day either before work or after work (depending on my schedule) paint paint paint. Kitchen cabinets take FOREVER to do. We've also had some extra trips to town to buy supplies.....so that takes time also.

I went to my weigh in on Tuesday night. I was up...as I knew I would be. I was up 1.6 pounds. It could have been a whole lot worse...if I wouldn't have worked my tail end off over the holidays to get the weight off from that binge that I had! It felt good to get back to the meetings and back on track! My weight was 183.4. That puts me 19.6 pounds from getting to my goal...my weight watchers goal that is!

I hurt my foot on Tuesday while exercising...yep, I fell off my step while doing step aerobics. While it's getting better, I do still feel some twinges of pain if I'm on it too much or if I move it wrong. Have I let this derail my exercise efforts? Not at all. I've been getting on the exercise bike. I found that I really don't like to ride the exercise bike...the time drags on and on.....but I'm doing it.