The Odd Couple

I have once again recommitted.  There are 10 weeks until Christmas.  I am committed to losing 15 pounds in those 10 weeks.  I thought that was a good goal.  Doable.  I am tracking.  I am watching.  I am committed to exercise at LEAST 3 times a week.  I can't go on this path.  It only leads to destruction.  It leads to the destruction of my body but it also leads to the destruction of my mind.  It is not a healthy place for me to be mentally and I refuse to live that way any longer.  Todd and I have a 4 day weekend upcoming.  Will it be difficult to do this and eat out so much?  Absolutely.  Can I do it?   Absolutely.  The first and easiest change that I plan on making at restaurants?   Water with lemon please.....instead of a diet soda.  I'm not knocking diet soda but seriously, it's not what my body needs.  Plus...they charge like 2 bucks for those things...so if I don't get a diet soda for breakfast, lunch and dinner (not that we would eat out all three meals all four days...but for the sake of argument, lets say that we do) that 6 bucks a day  6 times 4 is twenty four bucks!  That's a breakfast out!  That's a souvenir or an extra museum....all because I gave up something that I really don't need!   The other thing.  yeah, we do go to breakfast...do I REALLY need three honkin' big pancakes?  No, one pancake is sufficient.  If I order the three that is a typical order at a restaurant,  I eat them.....but I don't need them.  I order one and I'm satisfied....so by ordering ONE, I order what my body NEEDS and oh oh oh...I saved more money!  :-)

So I was talking to a friend about my issues.  She has tried to lose weight but she went into a bad realm.  She stopped eating all together.  TO the point that she became deathly ill.  Eating to her almost turns her stomach.  She doesn't want to eat.  It is a chore for her.  She's afraid if she starts to eat that she will start to regain.  She struggles to get enough calories.  SOOOOO  she and I have paired up.  Me, encouraging her to EAT...her encouraging me to NOT eat.  We are both tracking on myfitnesspal.com.  Her to make sure that she IS getting enough calories (and also for her ease of mind so that she knows that she is not eating too much...because yes, anorexia is a mental disease in the mind all centered around weight..and she isn't yet at her goal, she figured out this anorexic behavior before she lost all her weight....so she has to try to lose the last 25 of her pounds in a HEALTHY manner) and me to make sure that I'm not eating too many calories (and to ensure that I'm not error in the side of not eating enough).  It's an odd match.  It's a very odd match, but you know what?  It may work.

I have also reinstituted the daily emails to my three friends Julie, Donna and Sherry!   Thanks gals...YOU ROCK!

SIngle minded

I've started rereading through this journal.  It has been interesting.  I have looked back at my initial weight loss with rose colored glasses.  I have thought and said about how easy it was.  It wasn't.  I was more focused. I was single minded in my focus.  I was so single minded in my focus that I had family members worried about me.  I knew what I wanted and I was determined that come hell or high water I was getting there.   I need that single minded focus back.  I need to focus on this weight and nothing else. Let the trees fall around me....I see only my weight loss efforts.  If it's important, it will still be there when I come through the trees on the other side.

One other thing I'm picking up is those first feelings that I encountered and worked through as I accepted the fact that I was fat and that I needed some help.

Some of the reading is dull and repetitive...it's me rambling about what i ate, how I was working through situations that popped up.  My attempts to start a regime of exercise.  But it is rekindling that feeling of hope, that feeling of excitement within me.

Today I walked with Sherry I from over at TwoGirlsMamma. It was good for me. It was good to talk and walk with my friend of course.  But it renewed me on my journey.  I can do this.  I can do this with a single minded focus (she remembers that single minded focus I had back then. I can do this without deprivation to myself.  I can do this by modifying small things within my life.  I CAN DO THIS.

You didn't hear me?????   I CAN DO THIS!