It's kind of senseless

I planned out my calories yesterday.  I was spot on with my eating.  UNTIL Todd looked over at me and said "I could really go for something sweet."   That just sent me off in a whirl.  What in the world could I bake that would be yummy, sweet and delicious!   I ended up making chocolate chip peanut butter bars.   Oh yes, I did!   You see, saying 'don't have the bad foods in your house' doesn't work for me.  I love to bake so it was super easy to whip these suckers up in no time at all!    The house smelled HEAVENLY as the aroma wafted out of the oven during baking.   We cut into the and I started to eat my piece of this heavenly delight.  Ahhhh pure bliss!  And then halfway through my piece I realized that I was really not digging it anymore.  I kept eating though because I remembered the pure bliss of that first bite....I wanted to recapture it!   I ate another bite or two and then said "NO!  No more!"   You see, I had already eaten to the point of being a tad bit sick.  Yeah, isn't that wrong....to allow something that tastes so good turn into something that makes you sick.  Welcome to the life of an addict.

I was shocked though.  The amount of yumminess that I ate shouldn't have made me sick.  Really.  I sat watching I love Lucy (we are watching through the whole series again.....simply because I love that show...as evidenced by my cats names.....Lucy, Ethel, Desi, Winni-fred, mertz and Frawley) and pondered this fact.  Had my body turned a corner and started to change?   Hmmmmm

I went to bed and slept quite delightfully......until about 5AM.  I woke up and I was DYING of thirst.  Now when I wake up thirsty, I know that I'm dehydrated (they say if you get to the point of being thirsty, it's too late you are already dehydrated.....so remember that when you are exercising...don't wait until you are thirsty to drink!) and that means that my weight is usually a few pounds up.  Luckily if I watch my eating and don't let that number on the scale upset me and throw me off course I am back down within a day or so of good water drinking.  But anyway, I woke up thirsty.  I laid there for a few minutes and then it HIT.  Oh did it ever hit.  A stomach ache to end all stomach aches.  I ran to the bathroom...then went back to bed.  4 times I went to the bathroom.....or was it 5.  I don't know...it was a lot.

I don't think I have the flu....I just think my body wants to eliminate what it finds useless.   As I lay there between bouts I was thinking about this.    The food I ate last night was totally tasty.  And TOTALLY useless.  What nutrients did I really gain from that snack?   Ohhhh protein from the peanut butter!  ha ha ha...but seriously!  What a waste of food.  Food SHOULD be fuel and that food was not fuel.  Trickery!  I want food that fuels my body and makes me stronger, healthier and leaner!  

OK, I talk big right now....saying I want the healthy foods that fuel.  I KNOW....and anyone reading this post knows that in a week or two....or a month (Oh hell...I'll probably be in Lancaster next weekend...so it will be shoe fly pie next weekend.....so I guess it will be a week....I'm not going to try to kid anyone!!) that I'll be saying I ate something 'sweet' and totally un-nutritious.   That's life.  I"m not going to try to fight it. To fight it is to deny who I am and what life is. I just need to realize that those foods are not fueling my body and that I need to limit the intake.

Meanwhile, back to the bathroom I go.  Boy...work today is going to be 'fun'.  ha ha ha

The true meaning

Ended up being in a party like atmosphere last night.  I was worried because I knew there was going to be wine and food.  I took a bottle of water.  It was hard because peer pressure really pushes you to drink and eat.  I however didn't have the calories and didn't think that indulging was something I wanted to do.  I was there for the socialization not the food and that's what I told myself throughout the evening while I drank my water.  I DID have a chocolate covered strawberry.  But that was the extent of my eating and drinking.   Do I feel as if I missed anything?   Absolutely not.  Alcohol has never had a hold over me so that was not in any way missed.   Food....you know what?  I didn't miss it.  :-)

We focus much on food that we miss the whole point of many situations that we are in.  I could have focused so much on the food.  And some of the people did.  We stood around the buffet table for heavens sake!   However, the focus of the time last night was NOT food in my book.  It was support and friendship.  We lose sight of the TRUE meaning of things.   Food is fuel to help our bodies work efficiently.....nothing more.  (maybe if I say that enough times I'll start to believe.)

I am going up to spend the day with my family today.  Typically Sunday is the 'kids day' to chose where they are going to lunch.  My brother (I do have the best brother) helped the situation and steered toady's decision toward Moe's....which the kids love...and it's a favorite of mine too.  SOOOOO this morning I have already put my burrito and chips into my calorie counter and I'm set to go.   I've got to get some exercise today though.   I missed yesterday.....another small implosion in my world sucked up the time and disallowed me from exercise.  (Dang curve balls)   I won't miss today though!