Small but Mighty

 I posted yesterday morning about how tomorrow never comes.   I didn’t make any grand affirmations of grandiose plans.  I didn’t make any vows for the day.  I didn’t do anything.  I simply acknowledged the fact that over the last years that I have  been planning on getting back on track/starting hard ‘tomorrow’.  I talked about willpower and I did say I needed it…but I promised nothing. 

That post generated something within me.  Nothing big…nothing grand.  I didn’t alter my planned lunch.  Ok, I probably didn’t alter it because it was relatively healthy…..a half of a roasted honey nut squash (the BEST squash out there…just saying) some strawberries and some raspberries and a half of a soft pretzel.   All in all not too bad. (Could have done without the pretzel if I wanted to be super strict, but I have always preached sustainability….so there ya go.)  all was going well, until lunch was over.   I walked back through our work room and I KNEW the candy jar was ‘over yonder’!   I have slipped into a habit of getting a piece….or two or three…of candy after lunch!   Sometimes I go back for a second round.   But yesterday I looked toward the candy jar and said, ‘no way….not today’.  A small, but mighty victory.

And I know…indulging in a bit of candy isn’t the end of the world.  But for me, right now it’s not good.  Simply because it’s not just one piece a day.  It’s not even just one day a week…it’s multiple pieces and every day.   Let’s break it down.  three miniature Reece’s cups are ‘only’ 130 calories.  But if I do it twice a day that is 260….five days a week that is 1300 a week!  We are nearing a half of a pound in calories a week….that almost 2pounds a month…..24 pounds a year.    I felt super victorious with my choice yesterday even though it seemed like such a tiny victory.  But 24 pounds a year is pretty big!!!

I am not claiming that there will be no chocolate after lunch today.  I’m not even going to attest to a healthy lunch.   We are ordering lunch to be delivered today, so I am prepared to go higher in my calories for lunch and I know what dinner is supposed to be…..I will track it all,  be it good or bad. But I know that even one tiny change can have a huge effect on my efforts.  

So much to say...so little space.

I have so much to say...so much has been on my mind lately...and then more came up over the weekend....oh well...it's my blog, this might just be a little long....although I promise to not ramble too much!!  

So after my post the other day about the Reeces cups I was really thinking about the demon cups.   Ironically enough that very night Jason had a serious talk with me about them...because while he teases me he wanted to be absolutely certain that I found it funny and that it wasn't really actually hurtful.  Yeah he knew the answer because he knows me...but he had to hear me actually say it to rest easier!  (Yeah just another reason to really like this guy!).    I of course laughed and said that I thought the teasing was funny and actually sparked me to be more diligent about not letting them slide back into my life in such a grand scale!!  He laughed and said..."yeah That's what I was almost positive was happening!"    But while I was talking to him I made a comment that 'if it wasn't Reece's cups it would be something else...and I said 'remember when a few months ago I was ordering breaded and fried cheese like it was going out of style??   It was out of control and I had to stop myself?  He laughed and said ...yup he remembered.   You see  I was sliding into the 'addictive behaviors with those too'.  So I realized the other day that it can be anything.      Fried cheese (delicious)...demon cups (super delicious)....Dairy Queen Blizzards.  (Yummy).  Oh yes wasn't it just a few weeks/months ago that I was talking about my blizzard issue???   Macaroni and cheese....peanut butter and jelly sandwiches...French fries, chocolate chips, Oreo cookies.....And so many things!!!    Luckily sometimes it's healthy things....strawberries....green beans...baked zucchini....etc.     So that's the scary thing it can hit with so many things!!!    Oh yes....addictive personality.     

So I've whipped the Reece's cup addictive tendency (for now). I broke the cycle....but I'm sure something else will populate within my life and I will have to break the cycle...time and time and time again...because that is how my mind and addictive tendencies work.  (Unless it's something healthy like strawberries....what breaks that cycle is when I get a few weeks of eh tasting strawberries!)

Running....I won again...but I know my wins may be coming to an end....because the only way I'm winning is scheduling and health issues that keep him from running.    

This weekend we had a good time...even with the rainy weather.   I struggled internally though....I struggled with body image issues.   I felt fat...I felt bloated and I just struggled.   Jason was his normal totally complimentary self...telling me how beautiful and attractive he finds me.  But I struggled to not growl back at him.   I knew it was me...i know that it is my battle and that his words totally match his actions...so it really was my problem.   Maybe it was because The monthly ick hit this weekend with its normal water retention causing bloating feeling and a jump on the scales.  Who knows!!  Don't know why it was this way this weekend but that just the way the cookie crumbles I guess!   

I'm a stress eater...and I had some stress last week...some bad news in my life...and I lost control of my eating and calories. I'm back on track now I think...and just trying to fight the stress without food!   Prayers for my father please though!!!

So my weekend?   It was rainy and supposed to rain and drizzle all weekend...which it did.  So we went to Fredericksburg, VA...lots of indoor options and options that were not "totally" outside!     We got lucky and it only misted when we had to be outside!!!

Chatham Manor

Fredericksburg Battlefield (and visitor center/museum)

Willis Hill Cemetery

Fredericksburg National Cemetery

And the stormy choppy Potomac Ricer

Luckily my cat when I got home sacrificed and helped me eat my dinner to help me save on calories!

Silly Ethel!   (Course I blame this on 'grandma and grandpa' as she never got people food before we came to live with my parents!!!)

Demon cups

I drew the line in the and a week and a half ago with the Reece's cups.  (Now known as demon cups!). I will freely admit that I have looked at them longingly in the store!    I will also confess that the other day when I caved and ordered DQ for lunch at work that I got the $5 lunch box and I upgraded it to a blizzard ($1 extra). and without thinking I just rattled off that I wanted a Reece's cup.   It wasn't until I was eating my small blizzard that I realized that I was eating some of those darn demon cups!!   Luckily it did not spark a downward spiral of demon cup craving!  Maybe because the demon cups were chopped and somewhat frozen encased in the ice cream...so I didn't get the ooey gooey goodness of the peanut butter chocolate mixture.   Jason is quite supportive...and when I stopped at the store to pick up a drink the other day he texted me and asked 'no Reece's cups right?'   However his support comes with lots of teasing.  He claims he is going to hop in my car someday soon with the bright orange Reece's cup package hanging out of his shirt pocket...and he will have to have it on the dash over the air vent to keep it from melting!  He also said that he is going to eat one....and then give me a big old kiss so I can taste the demon cup!!!   Sooo mean!!!  Hahaha. I just tell him to tease away....turn about is fair play!!!  (And of course the more he teases the more determined I am to refrain! And yes he knows that....yes he has figured me out...my ex never figured that little quirk out in all the years we were together yet this man has me figured out in  6-7 months!!).   I did  find a loophole though!!!  The line in the sand was for Reece's cups!    So I just need to  go to to the dollar tree and get a cheap brand!!!!!!   Problem solved!!!!   Hahaha. No...I don't plan on using my loophole!!!  

So let's see....what has happened in the last week since I last wrote.   My eating has gotten a bit more under control.  Still wavers on out of control some days...but overall so much better!!!  My report in to my friend Sue looked like this...

I did win last weeks challenge of running but I am only squeaking out wins!!!   This challenge is going to keep me moving and running!   I'm now adding in one or two miles if speed work (typically my last miles of my run).   Basically right now I'm just running intervals...fast run then slow jog and then back to fast run.   I can see it helping my pace.  :-)

Last weekend Jason and I spent some time in Winchester, va....we hit up the old courthouse civil war museum....

The Kernstown Battlefield

We kicked out and hit a living history encampment.

And of course the Pritchard House on the battlefield...

We also were able to get in a hike...even though the weather was rainy on one day of the weekend and blustery cold on the other day!   We hiked in the George Washington National Forest. More specifically..we hiked at the Elizabeth Furnace.     The furnace trail was neat as it had neat little monuments that pointed out the old furnace and explained how the furnace operated.

The furnace trail actually hooked up with the Tuscarora Trail....so we did some of that also.... 

So I was active.  I'm slowly getting my food under control!!!!  Slow but sure!