Monday, May 23, 2016

So much to little space.

I have so much to much has been on my mind lately...and then more came up over the weekend....oh's my blog, this might just be a little long....although I promise to not ramble too much!!  

So after my post the other day about the Reeces cups I was really thinking about the demon cups.   Ironically enough that very night Jason had a serious talk with me about them...because while he teases me he wanted to be absolutely certain that I found it funny and that it wasn't really actually hurtful.  Yeah he knew the answer because he knows me...but he had to hear me actually say it to rest easier!  (Yeah just another reason to really like this guy!).    I of course laughed and said that I thought the teasing was funny and actually sparked me to be more diligent about not letting them slide back into my life in such a grand scale!!  He laughed and said..."yeah That's what I was almost positive was happening!"    But while I was talking to him I made a comment that 'if it wasn't Reece's cups it would be something else...and I said 'remember when a few months ago I was ordering breaded and fried cheese like it was going out of style??   It was out of control and I had to stop myself?  He laughed and said ...yup he remembered.   You see  I was sliding into the 'addictive behaviors with those too'.  So I realized the other day that it can be anything.      Fried cheese (delicious)...demon cups (super delicious)....Dairy Queen Blizzards.  (Yummy).  Oh yes wasn't it just a few weeks/months ago that I was talking about my blizzard issue???   Macaroni and cheese....peanut butter and jelly sandwiches...French fries, chocolate chips, Oreo cookies.....And so many things!!!    Luckily sometimes it's healthy beans...baked zucchini....etc.     So that's the scary thing it can hit with so many things!!!    Oh yes....addictive personality.     

So I've whipped the Reece's cup addictive tendency (for now). I broke the cycle....but I'm sure something else will populate within my life and I will have to break the cycle...time and time and time again...because that is how my mind and addictive tendencies work.  (Unless it's something healthy like strawberries....what breaks that cycle is when I get a few weeks of eh tasting strawberries!)

Running....I won again...but I know my wins may be coming to an end....because the only way I'm winning is scheduling and health issues that keep him from running.    

This weekend we had a good time...even with the rainy weather.   I struggled internally though....I struggled with body image issues.   I felt fat...I felt bloated and I just struggled.   Jason was his normal totally complimentary self...telling me how beautiful and attractive he finds me.  But I struggled to not growl back at him.   I knew it was me...i know that it is my battle and that his words totally match his it really was my problem.   Maybe it was because The monthly ick hit this weekend with its normal water retention causing bloating feeling and a jump on the scales.  Who knows!!  Don't know why it was this way this weekend but that just the way the cookie crumbles I guess!   

I'm a stress eater...and I had some stress last week...some bad news in my life...and I lost control of my eating and calories. I'm back on track now I think...and just trying to fight the stress without food!   Prayers for my father please though!!!

So my weekend?   It was rainy and supposed to rain and drizzle all weekend...which it did.  So we went to Fredericksburg, VA...lots of indoor options and options that were not "totally" outside!     We got lucky and it only misted when we had to be outside!!!

Chatham Manor

Fredericksburg Battlefield (and visitor center/museum)

Willis Hill Cemetery

Fredericksburg National Cemetery

And the stormy choppy Potomac Ricer

Luckily my cat when I got home sacrificed and helped me eat my dinner to help me save on calories!

Silly Ethel!   (Course I blame this on 'grandma and grandpa' as she never got people food before we came to live with my parents!!!)


jesseybell said...

Sending prayers for your dad

Breaking the cycle is hard - baby steps!

Shelley said...

I think recognizing that there will always be addictive foods is critical. And then, of course, stopping that cycle; it's challenging when, for you, it switches from one thing (greasy) to another (sweet) but as long as you recognize it before too long, you'll do the right thing.

Hope your dad is OK.

Lori said...

It is great that you recognize the addictive personality issues and the emotional eating. It is easier to deal with those issues when they are in the open. It sounds like you have a partner willing to help you work through those issues too. Yahoo for that!

Praying for your Dad, you and your mom.

Lynn said...

Aww...Jason sounds so sweet.

MyStalkerIsFat said...

My cats are all too willing to help me save on calories during my meals too! Hope your father is doing okay.

jen said...

Sending prayers for your Dad.

I must break the cycle of eating my emotions.....