What a way to ruin my appetite!

Ok, I have no desire at all to eat right now! A cat just decided to jump up on my desk....with a dingleberry flapping in the wind. I had to wipe poor Jodi's butt.....ewww! Poor cat. POOR ME!

I've been doing very good this week! I have been able to curb those food desires and channel them into healthy things! I've done really well.

Now, for the bad news. Well, this morning I got on the scales and the pre-ick bloat/water retention is here! I'm not calling this next weigh in a loss (haa haa haa...that would actually mean it would be a gain!) though! I'm still working just as hard to make it a good week at my official weigh in!

Had a weigh watcher bagel today with some of my homemade flavored cream cheese (yummy...and wooo hooo, healthier than the whipped flavors in the store, which are mainly in the full fat version!). The bagel wasn't too bad....it wasn't quite the same as a Panera Bread Bagel...but then what do you expect for the points! :-)

Breakfast: Weight watcher Bagel with ff cream cheese
Lunch: Salad with lite dressing (lettuce, carrots, onions, green peppers, cucumbers, and homemade croutons...which are like a half of point...!!!! oh yes, and my lite laughing cow cheese!), strawberries and some grapes! YUMMY!
For dinner I am planning on trying a new recipe. It sounds good....I'll have to try it though before I pass judgement!

Plan B

Yes, we had to utilize plan b for our day. Plan A was to go to the western section of the C&O canal and bike for a few hours. Well, I woke up and mosied to the bathroom. On the way there I noticed that it was awful dark outside. When I left the bathroom Todd broke the news to me by showing me the weather map on the internet. It wasn't looking good at all! I bit back my disappointment and we packed our gym bags. Yes, we went to the gym and had a nice workout! I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not bummed out that I didn't get to go for the ride that I was looking forward to all week...but I'm happy that I didn't let it ruin my workout plans!

BUT the biggest victory of day. We went to the Mountain Gate restaurant. I got the buffet, which in itself is pretty risky. :-) However, I was able to do very good! VERY good in fact! I felt satisfied and I didn't overeat at all! The only splurge I had was about two small bites of mac-n-cheese. Oh yummm it tasted so good. And ironically, because I only had the two bites, I appreciated it all that much more! I think before I would get a big pile of it...and the first bite or two would be so wonderful that I would keep eating..until I was so stuffed full..that I no longer enjoyed it as much! I totally ignored the bad desserts and opted for fruit and some fat free pudding instead. Quite tasty! :-)

Last night, went into the icecream shop here in town and I saw the receptionist from my weight watchers meeting. She laughed when she saw me! BUT, I knew I only had points for a kiddie fat free yogurt...so that's what I got. A kiddie. AND even though I really wanted the chocolate...that is not fat free. I didn't have the extra point to ante up for it! I actually did slip up momentarily though. I ordered a small size (which is two scoops.....so I asked for a split of peach and strawberry). BUT right as she started dipping it up, I came back to my senses and switched it back to a kiddie size...strawberry! Does that count as a fuit/vegetable serving??? haa haa haa. Ok, I had already eaten all my fruits and veggies for the day. So the thought didn't even cross my mind until right now! And no...I'm not lacking today either.....I ate a big lettucy salad and lots of veggies/fruit for lunch (all veggies except for the low cal/fat salad dressing, the pudding, and those two bites of mac-n-cheese.....oh and one bite of Todd's roasted turkey) It tell you...I did good!

The scales were REALLY friendly this morning! My lowest yet...EVER!

I'm actually feeling quite good! I'm satisfied with what I'm eating. Satisfied on two counts. One, I'm physically satisfied. I'm not hungry and I feel good when I'm done eating. NUmber two, I'm satisfied with how I'm doing. I did jump on the scales the other day....but as I previously stated, I know why. TOOO many carbs. But the number is dropping. Yes I dread the weeks where I show a gain...and I so don't want a gain...I have had too many of those recently while on this stupic plateau! And now that I've had pretty much a month of losses, I want to keep it that way! Crossing my fingers that TOM doesn't get in the way of the scales!

It's actually amazing. I've changed my eating habits so greatly over the last year or so. But, I've never really experienced massive hunger during this journey. I've never been weak from hungry or just ravanous! It is a true testament that this path that I'm taking is one that can be utilized for life, and not just one that will be there while I lose the weight and no longer! I think if I was hungry all the time, then I would be doing something wrong!

While I haven't been bad. I've watched everything and counted everything. However, I've been eating heavier meals that I should. Way more carbs than I should have. And yes, I know that carbs effect my weight loss efforts! I've also used about one or two flex points each day...which also effects my efforts, becasue I don't lose if I use too many flex points! Go figure. It would have to be me that has that terrible thing! The only good fact!

I woke up this morning and just didn't have the energy to exercise. At 5 my legs just felt funny, heavy and not quite achy...but weird! OH well! Todd said he wants to do DDR with me again tonight. The only problem with that....he only does it for 10 minutes and then he's done....and when he leaves my motivation to continue leaves also! AND I need to do more than 10 minutes...I should be doing 40 minutes at least! Last night I was only able to go 10-15 (ok, ten) minutes past when he quit!!! BAD BAD BAD!

Oh well! I've planned out what I'm eating today..I'm trying to stay well under my points! Because I know that after a few days of eating heavily, a low points day (right now I'm planning on leaving at least 4 points leftover...and I may try to leave more!) will help me eradicate the 1-2 pounds that I'm up since TUESDAY!!!!!

A friend made a comment about being obese, "we eat everything in excess, even stuff we don't really like." How true, how true! I think that is one of the battles that I need to win and train myself to win on a regular basis (if possible). Basically, 'if it's not something that tastes really good, don't eat it!'. I've often laughed and felt like I'm a person that is afraid of going hungry. Because I eat and eat and eat....no matter if I like it...or if I'm full. I've never gone hungry, so it can't be something like that. ANd my parents weren't the type to make us eat everything on our plate. So I know it didn't come from something that was ingrained in my head as a child or something. I also know that I'll order big...and keep eating because I have this feeling sometimes of "it's soooo goood, I don't want to waste it!" When I'm lucky enough to recognize what I'm doing, I try to tell myself, "this is not a once in a lifetime meal.....I can make it again, or order it again the next time we come to this restaurant!"

We had some new people at my meeting last night. (oh yes!! HOW could I forget.....I lost 2.4 pounds! That puts me at 50.8 total for weight watchers!!!! AND 110 and some ounces for total!!!) Anyway, something came up about one of the guys at out at a buffet and he had brussel sprouts. The new lady turned up her nose...I laughed becuase I"m in agreement. Well, the weight watcher leader used it as a segue to remind us about the zero point foods. I started laughing......I only like two or three foods off that list! (Sauerkraut, green beans are good. SOMETIMES, I can do raw carrots and broccoli......salads are ok, ONLY if they have lots of dressing and cheese on them...which negates the zero point thing) The newer people were all sitting there with their jaws dropped, because we had just celebrated my 50/110 pound loss (yes, my weight watcher leader celebrates both numbers....although I only get awards for the weight watcher number). I looked at them and said, "I'm a testament to the fact that you don't have to eat only healthy foods, you just have to make better choices and eat less when you make that choice". And that really is what it's about! I KNOW I could eat a donut...but then I'd use up all my points and I wouldn't be able to eat the rest of the day! That's not a good choice for me! (nor a healthy one!) One girl was like, "what about pizza" I answered honestly. I eat pizza. (real restaurant purchased pizza) I just don't do it every other day or even once a week! ANd when I do have pizza, I manage. I laughed and told them that the other week I ate pizza and still lost a pound and a half. One guy jumped in and said, Oh for me it's Chinese. I laughed even harder...becuase the night after we had Pizza, we ate Chinese!

Well, I haven't done too badly this week. I did have a few days where I dipped into my flex points. That always worries me though, because I know that I don't lose as well when I use them. But, so far so good. This morning the scales had me at my lowest weight ever (I reached it once about a week or so ago and then jumped right back up). So, I'm hoping that I stay there! If I do, and the scales at my meeting weigh my pretty close, then i will be at my 50 pound for my meetings mark (110 total).

Yesterday Todd and I went out on our bikes together. Feels good! We did about an hour and went about 10 miles. Today we did about an hour and a half and did 15 miles! So I know that that will help greatly! I also have to do some canning tonight..so I'll be on my feet and moving more than normal tonight! :-) (tomatoes again!)

I was pleasantly surprised. At the beginning of the summer I went through my "not quite there" drawer of clothes! I took out one or two things that i could wear, looked longingly at the other things and then shut the drawer. Well, this summer I haven't really lost. BUt the other day I decided to open the drawer and see what was shakin'. I can now wear about 90% of the stuff that was in the drawer! AMAZING.....I didn't lose that much weight...only about 3 pounds when it's all said and done! BUT, I'm able to wear the stuff! So, at least I'm able to see some progress! :-)

Weigh in

Down 1 1/2 pound! I'm disgusted because according to my home scales, it should have been more! HOWEVER, I'm ok with it! A pound and a half is still a good week! If I can manage that next week, I'll get my 50 pound magnet AND that will put me at 110 pounds lost total! That's pretty darn good!

I remain super motivated! I actually woke up at 5:30 this morning and was out on my bike by 5:50! I rode for about 45 minutes to an hour. Came in, showered, got ready for work and was here by 7:45. I feel good that that is out of the way. I won't be tempted to skip it tonight...or forced to with all the canning that I have to do this afternoon. Yes, I've got a good bit of canning to do this afternoon. So I will be active all afternoon! That's a good thing! :-) Todd goes to work at 8PM...so have to be done in the kitchen by then...and then I'll just relax the rest of the evening! :-)

I ate my cereal for breakfast. For lunch I'll probably have fruit and a sandwich. For dinner we are having chicken (on the grill) corn (yep, I'm doing corn today as one of the things we picked out of the garden) and probably sweet potatoes (grilled).

wow

It really is amazing what you can lose if you put your mind to it. As of yesterday morning according to my home scales, I was down more than 4 pounds! I hit the lowest weight I have seen yet (on my home scales). I'm hoping to hold that number for my weigh in tomorrow. HOWEVER, I forgot to weigh in this morning so I'm a bit nervous about what my weight was today! I'm trying not to stress about it though!

I've been doing quite well with the exercise. I didn't exercise on Saturday....time got away from me and I when I remembered, I realized that I didn't have enough time to do anything before we left the house...and we didn't get back until really late. BUT 5 of the last 6 days isn't a bad track record with exercise! I know for me and my recent track history...i'm going to have to be really really tight with what I'm doing...becuase i know that I can hold together my willpower for about a week...and then it tends to go sour! That is my problem. I get it together one week...do really good and then the next week gain it back! That's not cool!!!

Looking forward to my weigh in tomorrow night. As of last week I was exactly 3 pounds from my 50 pounds. I'm hoping that i can knock that out this week! Then next week get into the 180's! Either way...i'm going to get there!

Another day down. We did eat out and had Chinese tonight. I had Empress CHicken...not the greatest choice...but what I was craving! I had a ton of points though so I should be ok.

I went for my bike ride yesterday after work. I was going to go for one today but it was 102 degrees outside so I decided to skip it. Instead I did Dance Dance Revolution after we got home from dinner. I feel good about that! We are hoping to go for a walk or bike tomorrow morning before it gets really hot out!

Epiphany

Yes, I had an epiphany last night at my weight watcher meeting. It wasn't anything the leader said. It wasn't even anything relating to the topic of last nights meeting. It was from something that one of my friends/fellow weight watcher said while we were waiting for the meeting. Typical of our group of people that attend my meeting, as we all arrive we share the happenings of the previous week and how we did weight wise. The gal that usually sits beside me had maintained and even though she wasn't upset that she maintained (she realizes that anything other than a gain is a success) she was disgusted because she is about one pound away from being at goal! She looked at me and said, "I'm so tired of paying....if I can just get to my goal I won't have to pay anymore." One of the other gals then did make goal last night. i also realized that next week will mark one year of weight watchers meetings. All of a sudden it hit me. I've piddled around these last SIX, yes SIX months. Oh, I've been here half heartedly one week and then throwing caution to the wind the next week. But it's been about six months that I've been only half heartedly following the plan. I've paid for six months of meetings and what did I do with it? I piddled around! Six months.....that is 24 weeks! Using the 2 pounds per week (which is what I had been previously losing on average) that would have put me at 58 pounds! That is a far cry from the 5 pounds that I did lose in reality! Honestly, that makes me want to cry....because 58 pounds is actually even more than I need to lose to be at my weight watchers goal weight........and even more than I need to lose to be at my personal goal weight! I could have been there already if I had focused my attention and energy! I could have been sitting in those meetings for free as a lifetime member!

No more playing around. I'm either in this 100% or not at all! I refuse to waste my time, focus, energy and yes money on something that I'm not 100% behind! AND, I feel rejuvenated and ready to be on the lose weight bandwagon 100%! Hopefully in 6 months I'll be at goal!

Still kicking

It's been a while, but i've not fallen! Not to far at least! I'm still struggling to get in the exercise. I'm happy to say that I have ridden my bike a few times and walked once this week. That's a good thing at least! My weight is about down to my lowest point. So I'm happy about that! Course, it's been three weeks for me to get it there. BUT at least I'm there.

Right now my problem is eating out. I do relatively good at home. BUt when I go out, I just kinda go hogwild! We are probably going to go out to Hoss's tonight. I'm hoping that I can maintain some control. No...not hoping. I'm GOING to maintain control of my eating! :-) Plus, eat really light for lunch so that I have the points for dinner!

I've been able to regain control! PRetty much. I did sneak a bit today...but I don't think it will knock me off target. Now, I will say that I was dropping weight pretty rapidly...but now I'm kinda sitting still again...but that is because TOM is right around the corner (oh joy). BUT anyway, overall I'm pretty proud of myself!

Wowzers!

I did very good yesterday. I'm actually pretty stunned at how much the scales have dropped in the last few days. On Sunday or Monday (not sure which day) they were up at 198.4. I was hoping that a lot of that was water retention, becuase toward the end of alst week I was not at all diligent about drinking my water. So on Monday, even though I wasn't having the greatest day I tried to start getting my water in...and Tuesday also. So yesterday I weighed myself and found myself to be at 195.6. I was tickled....because even though MOnday and Tuesday were not good eating days, I was able to drop some weight (surely water). Yesterday, I did everything eating wise right (no exercise though) SO the your wondering about the scales today? Today, they were at (are you ready?) 193.6 That's like 5 pounds total!!!! And two pounds for yesterday alone!!!! That's pretty amazing. That puts me pretty close to where I was before I started gaining the other week! (before the week of July 4th!) I've got my eating for today planned out (with 6 points unused and unaccounted for...for that snack or whatever that I want tonight! Mostly fruits and veggies for me....good for me, and keeps my points low

I'm back

I've noticed that I've been not as active in my blog. I can see how that has directly correlated with my food journals. I haven't been keeping them up. Either one. I know that when I'm not journalling (either on my blog or in my food journal) that I don't do as well weight wise! I've tried half heartedly to write down my foods...but it just hasn't happened! Last night when I went to bed I just knew that I HAD to do this. I hadn't weighed myself in a few days...and I knew that I was up to 198.4 at my last weighing. All of a sudden, while I was shoving my face full of food, I realized that I could put myself over that 200 pound mark very easily! It scared the livin' out of me! That to me would be beyond awful! So, I awoke this morning KNOWING that I was going to be good. No if's and's or buts. I also told a bunch of people about my problems. Hoping that the accountablity will help! Thus far I've done pretty good. I've got my lunch planned (fruits and veggies) and my dinner planned. SO I'll be well within my points! I KNOW that today is the day that I'm going to turn this around.

Now for the surprising thing. I did my morning weigh in (yes, I try to weigh in daily). I was 195.6! I don't know how...but I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth! NOR am I going to do anything do jeopardize that weight! I want to take my weight back down to where it was before I gained that weight at last weeks weigh in! I've decided to not weigh in this week. I'm making it a personal challenge to weigh in next week at either my last weigh in weight (which was 2.4 pounds higher than my lowest) or lower........my biggest wish is that I'm down to my lowest weight again! But I'll be happy with a 'maintain' or better! :-) I was afraid that if I skipped my weigh in this week, that I'd be tempted to be bad again and skip another week! BUT, I know I can't do that....so I made it a personal competition!

No control whatsoever!

I've had no self control whatsoever in the last week or two! Even as I'm eating seemingly out of control (although still better than I would have done a couple years ago), I'm berating myself for doing it. I'm disgusted with myself and I hate it! But I keep doing it. It makes me ill when I think abou it!Every day I say, tomorrow is another day. I start my day with grand plans and then something happens to blow me out of the water and ruin my plans!

I've been very open and honest with some friends and the people in my challenge group. I'm hoping that that will help to keep me 'honest' and on the straight and narrow!

WOW!!!

Wow, the last two weeks have been....uhhhh not that great! I've been besieged with July 4th, then our party at our house a few days later. Then Alan and Cindy were in so I was eating out a LOT with them! (plus the goodies that mom had in the house for them were starring me in the face). THEN Todd and I had some vacation time...in which we did a bit of travelling (day trips). Bombarded! I have gained! I can however claim that I did better than I would have in recent years. I tried to chose healthier options. When I did knowingly chose a bad option, I kept it at a minimum. SO it could have been a whole lot worse!

Meanwhile, all that is behind me. I'm moving forward and I"m going to WIN! I'm determined! I've calculated my breakfast and lunch and I'm on track! Dinner will be a salad.....with a 2 point dressing (maybe three if I put a little extra on it), no cheese or croutons (I will have the points if I so desire the croutons though)......So I'll be well within my range of points...even adding in a serving of fruit tonight! I'll even have a few extra daily points to 'play' with!

Holiday weigh in

Ok, ok ok....I can't really blame it all on the holiday and the ensuing parties! It was me....pure and simple it was me. I just totally lost control! I ate things I shouldn't have! And I paid the price. I gained 2.4 pounds! I know that I can't let that happen! I need to kick myself into full gear and start losing more consitently. I KNOW I can do it! I know that it will take self discipline and will power on my end to do it though!

I thought about my day yesterday and I figured it out. For lunch we ended up going out for fast food. That threw me in a tailspin for a couple of different reasons. One of which is that it's not healthy for me. SO I went and I pondered the menu and chose what I thought would be the best options. As I was eating though, I calculated it all in my head and was sick to calculate that what I was eating was probably about 15 points or more! SOOOOO through the afternoon, I just kinda went wild with the brownies, rolls and icecream (not to mention the dinner that I had at mom's). I thought I screwed up and adopted the attitude of 'well, I messed up, I may as well enjoy the rest of the day also!" What made me even more sick......after I got home, I pulled out my eating out companion guide and looked up my meal. It was only 8 points! I didn't mess up at all! In fact, I did pretty darn good...THERE! How ironic is that?????

The scales at least did show me down a bit today....I don't know how though. I can only assume it is because I worked out yesterday morning and I played with the kids all afternoon long. That's my best guess! I'm still up...but hopefully by tomorrow I can be a bit further down so as not to post like a 3 pound gain! I'd rather not have any gain...but if I'm gonna have a gain I'd like it to be as small as possible!!!!!!

Control? What the heck is that? I say this because I have absolutely NONE! I was trying so hard today. AND I did got until I saw the wonderful bakery rolls....and 4 rolls later...and all I could think about was icecream! (Yes, I had the fat free ice cream also.) OUCH! CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL! I need some control!

MaryFran