No control whatsoever!

I've had no self control whatsoever in the last week or two! Even as I'm eating seemingly out of control (although still better than I would have done a couple years ago), I'm berating myself for doing it. I'm disgusted with myself and I hate it! But I keep doing it. It makes me ill when I think abou it!Every day I say, tomorrow is another day. I start my day with grand plans and then something happens to blow me out of the water and ruin my plans!

I've been very open and honest with some friends and the people in my challenge group. I'm hoping that that will help to keep me 'honest' and on the straight and narrow!

WOW!!!

Wow, the last two weeks have been....uhhhh not that great! I've been besieged with July 4th, then our party at our house a few days later. Then Alan and Cindy were in so I was eating out a LOT with them! (plus the goodies that mom had in the house for them were starring me in the face). THEN Todd and I had some vacation time...in which we did a bit of travelling (day trips). Bombarded! I have gained! I can however claim that I did better than I would have in recent years. I tried to chose healthier options. When I did knowingly chose a bad option, I kept it at a minimum. SO it could have been a whole lot worse!

Meanwhile, all that is behind me. I'm moving forward and I"m going to WIN! I'm determined! I've calculated my breakfast and lunch and I'm on track! Dinner will be a salad.....with a 2 point dressing (maybe three if I put a little extra on it), no cheese or croutons (I will have the points if I so desire the croutons though)......So I'll be well within my range of points...even adding in a serving of fruit tonight! I'll even have a few extra daily points to 'play' with!

Holiday weigh in

Ok, ok ok....I can't really blame it all on the holiday and the ensuing parties! It was me....pure and simple it was me. I just totally lost control! I ate things I shouldn't have! And I paid the price. I gained 2.4 pounds! I know that I can't let that happen! I need to kick myself into full gear and start losing more consitently. I KNOW I can do it! I know that it will take self discipline and will power on my end to do it though!

I thought about my day yesterday and I figured it out. For lunch we ended up going out for fast food. That threw me in a tailspin for a couple of different reasons. One of which is that it's not healthy for me. SO I went and I pondered the menu and chose what I thought would be the best options. As I was eating though, I calculated it all in my head and was sick to calculate that what I was eating was probably about 15 points or more! SOOOOO through the afternoon, I just kinda went wild with the brownies, rolls and icecream (not to mention the dinner that I had at mom's). I thought I screwed up and adopted the attitude of 'well, I messed up, I may as well enjoy the rest of the day also!" What made me even more sick......after I got home, I pulled out my eating out companion guide and looked up my meal. It was only 8 points! I didn't mess up at all! In fact, I did pretty darn good...THERE! How ironic is that?????

The scales at least did show me down a bit today....I don't know how though. I can only assume it is because I worked out yesterday morning and I played with the kids all afternoon long. That's my best guess! I'm still up...but hopefully by tomorrow I can be a bit further down so as not to post like a 3 pound gain! I'd rather not have any gain...but if I'm gonna have a gain I'd like it to be as small as possible!!!!!!

Control? What the heck is that? I say this because I have absolutely NONE! I was trying so hard today. AND I did got until I saw the wonderful bakery rolls....and 4 rolls later...and all I could think about was icecream! (Yes, I had the fat free ice cream also.) OUCH! CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL! I need some control!

MaryFran

Crazy crazy crazy

Funny thing. About a week ago we went out to eat with my parents. The next day my mom told me that my dad had made a comment about me. It was, "MaryFran is looking way to thin....her legs are looking like twigs" My dad has also since then made a few comments to me about having to fattening me up again. He said "we need to put a few pounds on you". CRAZY!

I find that when I'm single mindedly focused on losing weight that I do better. As crazy as that sounds! It scares me though...because I don't want this to be my sole focus for the rest of my life! My only consolation....I know that I have fallen off the bandwagon a good bit in the last few months and I've been able to maintain my weight (within like 5 pounds). That is a good thing! :-)

Todd said that he was worried about me. He is afraid that I'll get to my goal and then want to keep losing. He says that since I don't see the weight loss in myself that he's afraid that I'll be tempted to keep losing until I do see it. And since I don't really see 100+ pounds he's afraid that I won't see the difference with the next 30-40 pounds either. I assured him that I won't be that way! I'm so looking forward to being in that magical range of numbers that I won't do anything to budge outside of those numbers!

Lost .8 pounds last night. I'm pretty happy with that. That marks 3 straight weeks of a loss! I had been doing that lose one week, then gain the next. NEVER more than three weeks straight of a losing in more than 4 months! SO hopefully I've turned the corner! I am on edge though. We have mom's tonight for dinner...picnic stuff for their fireworks.....saturday is our big fourth of july party coordinating with the battlefield fireworks. THEN next week Todd and I are off for some vacation time. LOVELY. Oh yeah, in between....Alan and Cindy are in with the kids! SOOOO it should be two challenging weeks!

New job...new schedule....what the heck?

What the heck? I just can't seem to stop eating! I just want to eat and eat and eat! This is absolutely ridiculous! I know I've gained. I'm hoping that some of it is water retention from TOM! I can only hope! I've got to reign myself in! I'm struggling right now. I just had lunch and I'm fighting the urge to go into the kitchen and get a bite to eat! ARRRGGGHHH!

PLUS, I'm just not exercising like I should! ARRGGHH! I feel like I"m so close (compared to where I was) yet it's soo dang far away!

Weight fluctuation

Ok...weirdly enough, my weight had gone up two pounds again. On Friday it was down. Saturday up, Sunday down and today back up! I'm hoping it follows the trend and that tomorrow, weigh in day is good! I'm trying to make sure I drink enough water today, in case that's it!

Oh well!

Why???

Why oh why did I get a footlong sub at Subway??? Yes, at least I ate one of the 'healthier' options! But a footlong sub! Now I'm hungry...and I squandered all my points on that sub! Ok, at least I had the points to eat it! :-)

Looking good!

I've been doing very good this week I feel! I know, the scales could totally prove me a liar on Tuesday...but I think it's gonna be good! The only thing that could possibly derail me is the fact taht i'm starting a new job on Monday....and I'm not sure how good it would look if I showed up with my 64 ounce mug! I'm thinking about taking a couple bottles of water in my purse. Because the last thing I want to do is dehydrate the day before my weigh in! Or the day of! Oh heck..... But if that happens...then the next week it will all even out! I've exercised pretty much every day. I didn't "exercise" per say yesterday. However, I mowed over at the other place....for FOUR hours straight. Uhhhh remember, I'm mowing with a PUSH MOWER! I walked more than 15,000 steps in those four hours alone! So it wasn't an organized exercise but it was exercise! :-)

Gym

Went to the g ym today. I started with 20 minutes of weight training. Then I did 55 minutes of cardio! Felt good...UNTIL I picked up a blister on my foot. I was aiming for 60 minutes...but the blister thing....ouch! I worked through about 20 minutes of blister...and finally with 5 minutes left I just was at the end of my limits with it! :-) I ate relatively healthy today also. Within my daily points! Even with eating out for lunch I did ok, so I'm happy!

I'm getting excited to wear my new clothes that I got for my new job! Some aren't exactly what I'd wear...but they were the right price! I think that is part of the reason I've made sure to stay totally OP this week. I all of a sudden realized a bit ago that I bought all my new clothes to fit JUST perfect...on the tight side! If I gain ANYTHING...they will be button popping tight! NOT a good thing! So, I need to lose to get them to a comfortable point! BUT, they will last longer that way! :-)

My stomachs been acting weird the last day or two.....really odd! Kinda hurts off and on. Oh well...hopefully whatever it is will pass quickly!

Picture perfect plan!

I've decided that this CHristmas that Todd and I are going to get our pictures taken together. We haven't had it done since our wedding. It's high time . (That will actually be 5 1/2 years!) PLUS...I've lost a lot of weight! If I work really hard, I should be able to be at my goal by then! Oh yeah...I'm taking those pictures and getting the 'christmas cards' to send out to the world announcing the new and improved MaryFran!!!

On top of my game!

I've been doing sooo good this week! I was afraid that I would be sneaking and cheating this week....as it's my last week at the deli. Therefore it's technically my last week to sneak snitches of this food or that food! I've only got one day left and I'm hoping to be strong on it! I've packed my lunch for work...and after breakfast and lunch I'll have 18 points for dinner tonight. Wait...I have grapes for my snack at work...so 17 for dinner. Dinner is actually pretty low points...like 8-10 points! So I'm doing VERY good today! I can splurge for a dessert cup or something tonight! :-) I don't think they are doing anything special for me to commemorate my last day....I'm only going across the street AND everyone knows I'm watching what I eat. But, regardless, I saved some extra points aside!

I've already exercised this morning! Wooo hoooo! 45 minutes! So that's two mornings in a row that I've got up and done it! I feel good about it!

Scales moved down about another pound today! If I can stay on my game, this week should be a GOOD ONE!

Worked out!

I worked out this morning! Woo hooo! No excuses today! Wooo hoooo!

Weigh in success

Lost 3 pounds this week. I'm pretty happy with that! I am trying to bolster my motivation! I need to have a few good weeks in a row to get my weight loss really trucking in the right direction! Motivation...it's crazy. I'm totally motivated. I want to do this....I guess I need to say WILLPOWER!

Just flipped back and read the last entry....uhhhh nope...didn't exercise on Monday! Tuesday is my normal day to not exercise....so it's been two days! TOMORROW!

I was talking at my meeting tonight and I remembered my analogy for cardio exercise versus strength training and I decided to write it down so I'd have it somewhere in case I forget it. Cardio exercise it like a fireplace. You put a log on the fire, it burns bright but will eventually die down. Strength training is like a furnace....you turn it on and it stays hot without dying down! Cardio exercise gets our metabolism burning that fat fast. But an hour or so after the cardio your body stops burning that fat so fast. Strength training builds muscles which continuously burn the muscle...so in essence, once you get the muscles, your body continuously burns that fat!

Just my random thoughts for today! And with that said...I'll plan on doing a step aerobic dvd tomorrow morning!

Didn't do so well today...and shucks, it's the day before my weigh in. That's crap! I've got to beat this game.....I've got to start losing again.

"It's not that bad"

I need to stop saying that. I am a person that weighs myself each and every day. I think it's a good thing for me because I can see how my actions directly effect my weight. HOWEVER, lately I've been snitching and just plain not doing so bad. I weigh myself the next morning and I find myself saying. "Oh, .8 pounds...that's not so bad!" And I'm right...when I have a total splurge day, .8 isn't that bad. HOWEVER...I'm setting myself up for failure becuase any gain is a bad thing...even if it is my splurge day. It's not that bad should only be uttered when I actually maintain! BECAUSE what i'm finding is that it's easy for me to utter 'it's not that bad' 3 or 4...and sometimes more days a week. And if it's only .5 pounds each day that's not so bad....well, if I do that 4 or more times a week, we are talking about a gain of 2 pounds...or more! THAT'S BAD! So yeah, relatively speaking it may not be that bad considering what I may have eaten...but it's bad regardless!

I didn't do too badly today. I messed myself up though. We had a larger breakfast a bit later in the morning. So when lunch came around, I just had a few bites of food.....not good...because then when it came closer to dinner time, I was famished...and I snacked before hand. I counted everything up and I still didn't do too badly...but it could have been better.

Didn't exercise today.....that's a bit problem also. I should have exercised! ARRGGGGHHHHH Ok...no ifs ands or buts...tomorrow without fail!

My last Saturday!

I enjoy the type of work I've been doing, however I'm very glad that I'm in the throes of my last week there! I've been having such a difficult time not nibbling all day at work (gotta love the food and service industry). No, I can't nibble while I'm working...but when it's slow....arrgh, is it ever difficult! So, I have three more days there, then I'll be switching to the bank.......not as much to readily nibble on there! AMEN!

In case it wasn't readily stated...yes, I nibbled today at work! I do it and then I immediately feel guilty. I know it's a boredom thing! Today was totally 100% boredom! Some days it's a social thing...because the gal I work with eats ALL DAY (yes, literally). When we are slow and I've got the boredom thing already going on...having to deal with the social thing is just the death toll! I do however try to bring LOTS of snacks! Of course I had snacks today, the were in the refridgerator and I STILL ate bad stuff! I need to slap my wrists and get control of this!

My goal is to be at my goal weight by my birthday! I'm planning on being to my healthy weight range by the end of October (that's roughtly 30 pounds). That then gives me just about 2 months to get myself to my goal...wherever that may be! Nope...I still don't know where that may end up being!

HUGE, HUGE, HUGE NSV. I've been shopping for clothes for this new job (nope..I had nothing but jeans, jean shorts and a few jean skirts...nothing that was suitable for a bank) I'm now able to shop at pretty much ANY store in the mall! This is HUGE! HUGE! HUGE!!!

ARRGHHHHH

This is going very slowly. I'm just having a difficult time getting myself in gear. I'm gung ho but my willpower really sucks! I did good today, until after dinner when Todd asked if I was going to make mudslides. Instead of saying "no" I made them. Ohh they were yummy! And yes, I had extra points today....as in I had like 8 extra points after I ate....so it's not THAT bad...but still! Last night I ate TWO pieces of pie. One was bad enough...but TWO. The only consolation...I was miserable afterward. Not only emotionally...but physically! My body can't take it anymore! As I was getting and eating that second piece (which was the last one) I was saying to myself. "At least it will be gone now...I'm getting rid of the tempation" Crazy I know!

The weight....uhhhh...well, the 3.8 pounds that I gained....I had lost them again...and I've gained them again! At least I haven't gone over that gain, but this has GOT to stop!!!!!!