Coincidence? I think not!

 Just so you know, I am panicked. Today, at least the day that I am writing this marks three months since I have been unemployed. I’m not going to say that I haven’t enjoyed some of the freedom. Being unemployed has offered freedom in terms of time. Being unemployed has allowed me go to my mom’s house multiple times. We have painted. We have cleaned. The house is almost ready to be listed for sale. The time off has allowed me to spend time with my niece and nephews. I have had time to go for walks outside. I have read…a lot. But even with all of those perks, I am panicked.

I am halfway through the allotted unemployment.  Unemployment is for 26 weeks. Yet I do not have a job. It is not for lack of trying. I have completed a lot of applications. So far, nothing has come from them. Panic ensues!

Today, I had my normal morning routine going. I exercised, showered, ate breakfast, took the dog out for a walk and then I went into the office. You see, my job right now is to find a job. So on a daily basis I head into the office to ‘work’.   I have tried to maintain a schedule. It’s good for the dog you know. This morning was no different.  I worked on my computer until about 1:30. I went and ate lunch. And then I drove to a local cemetery and I started to walk. There is something liberating, freeing, mind clearing about walking outside. I noticed it when I ran, I had the most clear mind, amazing ideas, and epiphanies while I was running. Apparently, walking in graveyards gives me the same effect.  (Some gorgeous flowers that had budded on the trees in the graveyard!)

I was feeling sorry for myself today. I was near tears.  I was bemoaning my possible future without a job. I was worried about finances. And then my epiphany came.

It’s not a coincidence that Jason and I met at the exact time we met. Jason had just reached rock bottom in his life when we started talking online. Had I met him earlier before he reached that bottom, I can honestly say that I probably would have walked away. And by Jason‘s own words, if he had not met me when he met me, he may not have been able to dig out of his rock bottom. God brought us together at the exact perfect time. Coincidence. I think not.

Is it a coincidence that when Jason was experiencing a bout of unemployment, that everything lined up perfectly for him to return exactly when his money ran out. Coincidence? I think not. 

I see the hand of God. I can keep going with all of these “ coincidental things”. But I don’t have to. You get the point. So as I walked I stopped thinking about the panic and I started looking at the positive. 

When we got news that we were going to be laid off, my company had just been sold and was now under new ownership.  There was speculation and rumors that they were not going to give us severance. It was a new company, they didn’t have to offer us severance. However, they did. I got three months of severance. Thank you, Lord.

There are states in the United States, who do not allow people to collect unemployment until the terms of their severance have run out. Some of the coworkers I was laid off with  have had to deplete their severance first and only now after the three months have passed are they able to collect unemployment after three months. I was lucky enough to be in a state that does allow unemployment even if you have severance. (There is a cut off for the dollar amount, but I met the qualifications.) Not only have I been able to collect unemployment. The amount of my unemployment is sufficient enough that the general bills have been paid. Now don’t get too excited, I have nothing extra… But the bills are paid and I haven’t touched the severance yet!  What a blessing.

Sure, I’m panicked. Absolutely, I’m worried. But, I don’t believe in coincidence. I’m praying for positive resolution. But in the meantime, I am going to enjoy every day of unemployment and know that something good is coming my way.  I am trusting that this experience actually not only gives me a positive change emotionally but also gives me a positive change financially. I’m trusting.

I’m not gonna say that it is easy to trust. I’m not going to say that the panic won’t creep back in. But I am going to do my best to remember that all of these tough situations were resolved and it wasn’t coincidental.

So there you go, as much as I’m enjoying this time off… I’m ready to get back to work. But in the meantime, I’m going to work hard to continue to enjoy the days off. And even more, I’m going to work to trust.  I am going to trust that good things are coming my way.   

The Hunt for A Job

 Job hunting kinda sucks!

Searching for a job is not for the faint at heart!  Seriously, it's disheartening and demoralizing.  And I've only been at it for a little over a month!  I probably have averaged 2 applications per each day that I have been unemployed.  I have had one phone interview and nothing else other than reject letters.  Yet I keep applying.  I keep tweaking my resume.  I write new cover letters and different follow up letters.  I continue to promote myself.  I spend a few hours a day on this.

Yet, I am filled with panic.  I know I shouldn't be.  I am receiving unemployment wages.  I'm not in any financial straits....yet.  Yet the panic is there.  

I am working to not give into the panic and stress.   I keep myself busy.   I have worked in the yard gathering all the downed limbs from thus far this winter and dragging them to the fire pit area.  I have then processed all of those along with what we cut in the fall.  By processing, I mean that I have cut them into small logs and stacked them.  I am waiting for a none windy day to actually light a fire to burn some of the brush and pine.  I have gone to my mom's house and worked alongside my brother to paint my mom's house.   Just yesterday we totally cleaned the bathrooms and two bedrooms....readying it to be put up for sale.    

I know I will get through this stage in life....but my word it's not fun!

 

The emotions reared their ugly Head

 What a day!   I thought that I was doing good with this unemployment thing.  I was handling it like a pro and just doing amazing!   That is until this morning!

The last two and a half weeks of unemployment have been busy.  I've worked on my youtube channel, I have done some stuff around my house, I've spent a few days at my mom's house working to paint and get that ready for sale, amongst other things.  I've stayed busy because I know that if I settle in for a 'do nothing day' I will most likely end up feeling sluggish, depressed and just downright bad.  So I have stayed busy, with a few exceptions (I did read all afternoon the other day...and that felt glorious!).  It's been an easy adjustment and emotionally I've been great!    

This morning I sat down at the computer ready to do a few things.  Number one I had to look at my final paycheck from my job.  That paycheck was for the last few days I worked and for the unused PTO time that they paid me.  I saw the amount and was feeling good.   It was about, if not more than I expected.  I logged online to look at my paystub.  All was going well.  I saw that they had taken out my 401K loan payment, which was a good thing.  I downloaded it and moved on to my next task, which was calling the 401K company.  I had to set up a payment per what HR had told us (in writing) and what was understood when I took the loan out when we bought our house.    The terms of my loan were 'upon termination if your plan allows you will be able to set up a payment plan".  I had checked with them at that time and they had said exactly what the HR department had indicated that I would just have to set up an auto withdraw from my checking account and no issues.  BUT, just last month they transferred all of our 401K's to a new company (My company was sold last year so everything was changing.....right in the midst of this layoff. And just for the record, so much of what they told us...about our paystubs and where to access them, the return of the equipment...which is still in my house, and their refusal to answer any inquiries has been atrocious!)  I called the new company and was told that my loan is due 60 days from my termination date.....no repayment allowed.  Dude, I can't make an 8K payment right now. (Well, I have severance so I guess I could...but severance to live off of until I get a job!)     The GOOD news is that if I can't make the payments they will just deduct the payment from my 401k and consider it a withdrawal.    The bad news is that since I'm not over 59 1/2 it will be considered an early withdrawal and I will be taxed to smithereens and pay any early withdrawal penalties.  

I hung up the phone and it all just hit me.  I laid my head down on the table and just sobbed.    It's ok.  I'll deal with the taxes.  And I'm trying to tell myself that this may be a good thing.  I won't have that payment each month.  It wasn't a lot...$102 dollars a month ($52 a paycheck)...but if I have to take a lower paying job, that may be the difference between having my back against the wall or being comfortable.    Still the emotions are flowing. 

So, in the wonderful wisdom that I was displaying, I decided to go check on my car title.  What is up with the car title?  Well,I paid my car off in July of last year.  In the state of PA they hold your title until it's paid off.  So I waited and waited for my title to arrive.  Nothing.  In November I started to make noise.  It took them a week (and one visit and two phone calls) before they advised that they had my paperwork and that they were taking care of it.  A week later I got a letter in the mail with a document releasing my MARYLAND state title.  UHHHH wrong state!  I moved from Maryland in 2022!    I checked with the PA state anyway....and was told definitely can't use that paper work and that the lien is an electronic lien and it wasn't removed.  I went back to the loan originator...a visit and a phone call later and they said they got it fixed.  In early December I got a letter saying that they had released the lien electronically.  The paperwork was janky though.  One document had my old address while the other document had my incorrect name.  I waited...but no title arrived.   So early this month I went back to the PA office....nope, the lien has not been removed.  Another phone call...then another and they say "our title clerk has called Maryland and Pennsylvania to verify it's been released"   I couldn't help but laugh because my car isn't titled in Maryland any longer.  But I took them at their word (what else could I do).   I waited a few days and that brings me to today.  In the midst of the turmoil of the 401K I decided to tackle the car title.  I figured a win would be a good thing.  Although I said to myself "this could be a bad decision."   Ohhh it was a bad decision.  The electronic lien has STILL not been removed!  And yes, I just spent another hour on the phone with them....and they have vowed to get to the bottom of it.  SO meanwhile, I have a car that I technically own outright, but legally do not own!  OH the joys!

My morning was so much fun that I decided to FINALLY clean off my desk and set up the office for my laptop and my personal use.  When I was first laid off I had said that I wanted to spend my computer time in the office.  I figured it would be a good routine for me to go in there every day to look for jobs and whatnot and I knew it would be good for Zoey to continue with that routine in case I do obtain another work from home position.   The last day or two at home with Zoey has been nuts.  She barks at the littlest noise.  She roams the house.  She demands to be let out constantly and I was starting to get worried about taking a WFH job because my dog had turned into a lunatic while I was home during the day.  I figured I better start working to 'retrain' her in the ways of the behavior while I work.  So I came into the office to clean.   And what do you know, she immediately trotted over to the gate and let out a huge sigh.....almost of relief that her wold was all right again.  She has been sleeping most of the afternoon by my office door.  I have been cleaning and when I make a loud noise she does wake up and check on me, but then goes right back to sleep.   Seeing her settle in so happily to the routine kinda makes me sad, thinking about how confused she must have been.     I am not going to spend all my day in the office.  I will still be working to get her used to me being gone during the day....but a little office routine will be good. 

The only bad side to my emotional day is the fact that I just gave in and ate horribly today.  I feel ashamed.  I feel disgusted. I feel sad.  NOW.  But when in the heat of the moment that food was good!  I'm not letting it get to me.  All is not lost just because I lost control for a few hours (two meals.....breakfast and lunch).  I just need to tighten it up and get back to the basics!

Jason will be home in a few hours and our weekend will begin.  Not sure what we will get into.  It's winter and we have gotten soft in our old age.  Was a day we would have hiked in the cold...but not lately.  hahaha.  But, it will be a weekend together no matter what we do, so that is what counts!

Yeah, that didn't happen.

 I had grand plans for how I was going to spend my days here in the new year. I had goals and I was going to slay each and every one of those goals!   We are now two weeks into the new year and I can say.....Yeah not doing so good on those goals!

Yes, I have had some wins in terms of my goals.  I have had two wins  The wins you ask?   Well let me tell you!   I had a goal to finish digitizing all of the pictures from my parents house.   I am happy to announce that I have completely digitized those pictures.  I do have to finish filing the pictures away in the storage boxes I got, but the pictures are digitized!   The second win is my weight.  The first week brought a loss of 1 pound and my second week of the year brought about a loss of 2 pounds.  Thus, I have lost 3 pounds thus far in 2025.   I am constantly fighting the urge to say (or in this case type) that my three pounds is paltry and weak.   I want big numbers.  (Don't we all?) Three just seems lame ,but I am tickled to have pieced together two weeks of weight loss.  And three pounds is still three pounds GONE.  It could have been worse.  I could have gained three! 

As for most of the other goals....the stuff like ten thousands steps a day, exercising three times a week, 64 ounces of water, tracking my food?   Yeah, they haven't happened.   Not yet.  I have actually exercised about 3 times.  I have gotten my water to a consistent 30-40 ounces.   I have tracked a few times.  And my steps have been higher than average, but still not to the 10k mark.  So not a total failure, because I can see progress.  But not quite where I want to be.  But that's ok, i'm moving in the right direction.  I'm building up!

Unemployment has been busier than I expected.  Two weeks have flown by!  It feels like just yesterday that I was finishing up my last day of that job.   In fairness, we had a holiday (New Years Day) and a snow day where Jason was off work..so they felt like weekends which made it go by faster. 

 I have gone down to my mom's house for 4 days now.  There I have met up with my brother and we have worked on cleaning and panting her house to ready it to sell.  I am not a good painter.  I know it.  Painting is also not my favorite thing in the world to do.  But that's ok, it needs to be done and we are getting it done. 

I have spent a fair amount of time on my computer looking for jobs.  I am only two weeks into this serious job hunt and it's disheartening!  I have a submitted a fair amount of applications.  I have also received a fair amount of rejections.  I will admit that some of the jobs that I have applied to are a stretch for me, but they sound so interesting.   I am applying to anything that is in my pay range that looks interesting.  I have applied to both remote jobs and on site jobs.  I am torn with the location.  I do love working at home.  It is so handy to be able to flip a load of laundry on a break or let the dog out at lunch.   However, I know that some face to face interaction with people is something good.   I was actually getting ready to start going to a zumba class in the evenings when my job situation exploded.  Literally, I had gone to the site and was looking into it on the day before I got the notification.  So I do have that still in the cards if I get a remote position.  But it's a 50-50 dealio.   I do think that the dog is voting for another remote position!   Although, she has done amazing on these days that I have been at my mom's for 8 plus hours (including travel time).

Most of my time I have been busy doing something.  Be it working on my computer, editing youtube videos, painting, cleaning, cooking.  I did spend one day, my first true day off (one where I was home and Jason was working) and spent the afternoon watching a movie.  I had started the day so strong...but then kinda fell apart and lounged from lunchtime onward.  But that is ok also.   Truth be told, this afternoon may be one of those days as I just picked up two books.  One an author that I have really enjoyed, Fiona Davis.  And the second book one that came recommended to me by my niece,  Bear Town.  The biggest problem is which to read first!!!

Unemployment and the new year have been kind to me thus far.  While I am frustrated at the low numbers in my weight loss and the futile job hunt, I am happy with my progress toward making my goals a reality.  I am happy with my steps forward.  I know that the best is yet to come and I"m going to do what I can to make it come!