I was out walking the dog yesterday morning. Jason had a bad headache so I was out by myself and therefore had music playing. As I neared the end of my walk a song by Jelly Roll. ‘Wining Streak’ the song is actually about an addict that is at rock bottom and takes those steps to change the course.
The song has been on the radio for however long and I was familiar with the song…enough to sing and hum along. But it wasn’t until I was on my walk that I really started to pay attention to the lyrics….what made me stand up and take notice was the line about being at the end of the rope. As the song played in the crisp fall temps while I walked I thought about rock bottom. I am I rock bottom? I sure as hell hope so. I don’t want my weight to spiral further. I don’t want my fitness levels to get any worse. But as I walked I realized that rock bottom doesn’t hit until the change starts and the climb out of the pit begins. I am hopefully at rock bottom….and it’s time to rebuild.
Even as I made this revelation in my mind the song continued to play. My mind picked up the chorus. I listened and really thought about it. It talks about the shame…. (Yes yes yes, I am so ashamed to be at this weight…again!). But it talks about how someone who had been in his shoes before (and was 20 years clean) said that everyone here has felt the same because no one comes to this place on a winning streak.
It just made me realize that shame shouldn’t have any place in my mind……
We got up an antique store this weekend…..of course I got a picture of me in an antique hat! One of Jason too!
2 comments:
I was at the end of my rope. I knew I had to change. 2 months ago I went back to calorie counting. I have lost some weight so I am moving forward with continuing. I think you're at that spot too. It sux for sure but there is only one way to go. You know what to do & you have already put it in motion. Next weigh in you'll see that loss. So will I. We got this. BTW love the hat you found.
I have never heard that song but need to look it up. I am at a very low place right now, haven't blogged about it yet but was getting ready to. I like what you said about rock bottom being all about the start of climbing out. It's true. If I keep spiraling down, then rock bottom is actually even deeper down than where I am now, and why would I want to go there?
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