Sunday, August 03, 2014

Did it already

It's embarrassing many times I've started and failed.   I hate failure!   I'm the kind of person that pushes through and conquers things.   I like a challenge.  I thrive with the challenge.  Yet I struggle with weight loss.

But it finally hit me what the problem is.  I enjoy a challenge thrive under it really.   I set myself up to do something and I work like a demon to get there.   I work night and day to complete a complex craft such as a huge cross stitch.  I type away at some various writing until my fingers are wore down to the nub.   I'm successful.  I complete them.  However...when that cross stitch is done, I'm done.  I may as well throw the pattern away. If I don't frame it immediately, it goes in a box and quite frankly, I'm done with it.   I love writing...but I hate editing.   Because once that final word is typed out and finished....I'm done.  I accomplished my goal and I'm done.  If the cross stitch would for some reason unravel...I wouldn't redo it.  If the pages of my writing would catch fire, I wouldn't rewrite them.  I am done.

I think that's my problem with weight loss.  I already accomplished this goal.  I lost 135 pounds.  I was done.   I planned on maintaining, but it didn't happen.  So I'm looking at having to lose the weight again.   I'm  faced with rewriting that book.  I'm faced with redoing the same cross stitch.   I'm facing a redo.   And quite frankly, redo's bore me.   Been there done that, bought the tee shirt.

I've changed up aspects of my weight loss regime.  I've swapped things.  I've set challenges and goals.   I've tried...but nothing has kept me in the game for long.   I somehow have to make this journey NEW!!!



LuckyMama said...

I totally get where you're coming from here. The difference is that a cross stitch pattern or a written document is not going to impact your health and longevity.

Is it possible to step back, breathe, and then come back and make it a journey instead of a race?

timothy said...

I'm in the same boat and I feel that pain, WHEN I figure it out you'll be the first to know!

Unknown said...

Mary Fran,

Wow, you hit the nail on the head. I have thought your thoughts many times. I think that is why suddenly the actual number on the scales isn't as important as the downward trend. I am just going to share some general thoughts that I have on this topic. And I preface them by saying that I obviously don't have this figured out. The thing I have been thinking about is that this is a journey, not a race. But I think it is okay sometimes if we drift into race mode. I think I'm in race mode right now. I want it and I want it bad, so I am increasing my exercise, passing on sweets, and doing whatever I can to stay within my calorie range. I know this won't last forever. I am focused on reaching two numbers goals. But in the back of my mind I also am aware that is a journey. Journeys tend to be much slower because at the end of the day we are going to be doing the same things that we are doing now to get to our idea body weight to maintain it. So within this race, I am trying to think of the ability to maintain these changes I am making. I think for me, I am constantly trying to step back and go, "Okay, how can I make this new healthy lifestyle enjoyable, easy to do even on my worst days, and how can I make it truly like a habit.".

I can honestly say I don't care if I ever reach some number that doctor set to say that is healthy for me. I want to get to the healthiest body size I can get to that I an realistically maintain. So for me ( and I have a long ways to go), I am just trying each day to ask, "How can I do even better today?", and what can I do to make this lifestyle as habitual as brushing my teeth.

Mary fran, I know we have never met, but I just feel like we get each other :) We are going to get there, and even if we don't reach some magic number on the scales, we are still better off. I hope this wasn't just a bunch of rambling.


Kerstin said...

I so hear you! And I love what Leslie said, I also look at this from a point of view of how is what I am doing sustainable in the long-term? I envisage the lifestyle I want to have and then question how this food or this action fits in with that vision. Doesn't always work but I keep practicing! I wonder whether you are actually resilient to doing things such as calorie counting and tracking? I think there is definitely a place for these, especially if someone has to lose a lot and is just starting this journey, but in the longterm these are external solutions to something that can only be resolved internally. I have NEVER before lost weight without doing some kind of counting and tracking. But when I started this current weight loss journey the very thought of doing gave me huge feelings of resistance. My problem is that I do not trust myself to act appropriately on what I know I need to do, i.e. eat less and move more. So that is what I have been practising. I AM eating less but I am also practicing listening to my body (are you hungry?, what do you want?, are you full?) and feeling it unprocessed healthy foods as much as possible. What is also helping me is keeping the grains on the minimal side and no sugar (except for when I have my binge days of which I seem to need a couple every month!). I think your motivation is definitely there, perhaps you just need to do a few things a little differently? Let us know how you get on with this! xo