Amazing!

It is simply amazing how differently I feel when I am actually doing well and staying OP. I feel proud of myself. I can tell that I hold my head higher, my confidence is totally there! Totally amazing to me.

We rode our bikes this morning. We were out about 2 hours....actually just shy of two hours! It felt so great to be outside and exercising. We had lunch (I did good), came home and we worked out in the garden all afternoon! I'm so tired I can't see straight! I'm only hoping that it pays off for me on the scales tomorrow night!

HUGE NSV

Tonight while out to dinner with my parents, my dad's aunt came in and sat down at the next table to my parents. I hadn't seen her in a while, BUT, during the conversation she actually had to ask who I was. She didn't recognize me with the weight loss! I can't tell you how good I felt!

The other thing.....it actually hit me that I can go pretty much anywhere to shop for clothes! Even though I've never looked at clothes at Sam's club before, I decided to peruse the aisles. Oh my word.....I could actually fit into those clothes!!!!!!! Amazing!

BIG day for me...discoveries and NSV's!

The weekend is finally here!

We ate late last night. I know it's not good, however with Todd's schedule, sometimes I hvae no choice. I do know that because of that, my weight this morning is probably skewed. I weighed myself at 7AM and was 200 even. I laid back down for about an hour or so....got up and showered. As I got out of the shower I decided to weigh myself again....even though I had wet hair (weighed me down a bit wouldn't you think). The hour difference...no food in between.....and I weighed 199 even. SO a pound difference.

I was so tired last night. I ran at work....a lot! We were busy. It was a good thing. I like to be busy, but yesterday, because of the fact that the gal I worked with hasn't been trained yet....means that I did a lions share of the work! Oh well...more running means more activity points earned! Haa haa haa. NOPE, I don't count work movement toward activity points! I came home and thought that I blew my points though...because waiting until 9PM to eat was rough. I knew it would be difficult so when I got home at 5PM I had a light snack. LIke 2 points. Then I got into the Laughing Cow light cheese. ARRGGHHH......and then I had a WW Strawberries and Cream muffin (yummy). That held me off until dinner. (Dinner was chicken and rice...8 points, green beans...0 points, and fruit....1 point) I had mostly fruits and veggies for lunch and my normal oatmeal for breakfast. I had already entered my breakfast and lunch into my journal and kinda just threw caution into the wind with the after work snacks and dinner. After it was done, cleaned up and eaten I came with fear and trepidation to the computer desk. I entered my food. Much to my surprise, I was only 2 points over for the day! Not bad, especially considering I had spent over an hour on my bike that morning and didn't include the AP's in my points. (Not to mention the busy day at work....and the quiz to find out how many points I need a day, I counted my work as 'somewhat sitting with some standing/ 50-50.....well yesterday...and the day before were 100% on my feet moving...which would have netted me an extra point or two if I took the quiz based on my activity at work the last few days......that's not how it works though!)

I'm planning on spending the afternoon with my mom. Todd has clients in, and this is Dad's sunday to work long hours....so we'll do something together. I'm thinking about heading to goodwill (I think they are open on Sundays). I also have to run to sam's and the grocery store. Not for much though...thank heavens! I'm hoping that mom and I can go walking or do something somewhat active. It will help mom out too!

Tomorrow we are planning on going for a nice bike ride up on the western section of the C&O Canal! Woo hoooo....I'm looking forward to it! It really amazed me the other day. The first year I went biking, that first trip of the year...wooooo I couldn't even make it a mile! This year I started with a 5 mile trip....didn't faze me. The next day we did a 7 mile trip...NO problem. Now we are planning a longer trip the third trip! Shows how much the constant exercise does to keep us in shape!

On the bike again!

Oh, it feels heavenly to be on the bike again...outside! Woo hooo! Last night after work Todd and I went out for a small ride. About a half hour ride...just to see how our bodies would handle it and all that. This morning we went out for about an hour. So far so good! HOpefully on Monday we can go somewhere nice to do a nice ride! I'm tickled! This morning was a bit cold, but otherwise a great ride!

I'm down to 198.8...still up from my lowest...but down from my last official weigh in. So, I'm happy and yet wishing I could see more progress! :-)

One more day of work and then I have two days off! Woo hooO! I go in at 11 today instead of 10. :-) (OBviously, as I look at the time on my computer...it is already 10:30!) I need to remember to put on my pedometer. Yesterday at work alone, I walked my 10,000 steps! That is good! :-)

It's working

I was 202.4 at my weigh in! My home scales are very close to the 'official' scales that I use for my weight. So I'm pretty darn tickled that my home scales are showing me at 198.8 today! That's really good. If I can at least hold onto a 198 pound weigh in for next Tuesday's weigh in, I'll be happy! Because it would at least take me within a pound or so of where I was 3 weeks ago! BUT, I'm not going to slack off......I'm gonna work hard at staying OP and try to get exercise and such in my routine this week! It would be REALLY awesome to recoup ALL the weight that I gained these last three weeks! Big goal...yeah, doable...yeah, that would be 4.8 pounds! But lets look at it realistically. I've already dropped 3.6 of them according to my scales here at the house. So that's 1.2 pounds more to go. Today is Friday (early in the day) So that means that I have 4 full days until my weigh in day...and my weigh in is later on Tuesday so I can count that as almost 5 days until my weigh in! I think I can do this!

Last night we were going to go outside and walk or ride bikes. It was overcast though so we didn't. Sadly enough though, I didn't exercise in the morning because I as expecting to do that in the evening. When my evening plans were shot out of the water, I SHOULD have exercised in the house. DId I?? NOPE. So I missed out on exercise yesterday (and consequentially, my weight was the same this morning as it was yesterday morning). We are planning again to work out after I get off work tonight......I'm hoping the plans hold! If not, I HAVE to work out!!! No ifs ands or buts!

The Blame Ultimately Lies with ME!

I can babble on endlessly about how stressful my week was with everything breaking down. Or about how I had no choice with eating out so darn many times. I can also talk about the fact that on my normal weigh in days I eat really lightly...lots of fruits and veggies. That wasn't true of yesterday. I ate at the Waffle House. I ate healthier than I normally would have (I forwent the potatoes). However I still ate a sandwich.....I also ate more during the day then I normally would have. So I think that skewed my results a bit also. However, I know that the blame ultimately lies with me. Other people can get through situations like that just fine without gaining. My willpower was what was lacking...nothing else! I am the one responsible for my actions. Situations and things in my life need to dealt with in positive manners. Not by eating and nibbling and all kinds of stuff like that! That is not healthy. I may be able to eventually make it to my goal weight with that mentality...but I won't be able to keep it off. To keep it off, I need to really learn how to deal with these situations. Easier said than done.

Meanwhile, I had also stopped exercising. Last week i was going to start....did it for two days and then fell by the wayside. So I'm starting again today. I already exercised this morning! One day down! :-)

Sometimes I wonder where my mind is!

Yes, I wonder where in the world my mind is when I'm thinking about food and my choices before and while I'm eating. It is so easy to slip into the old MaryFran and eat what I want with no regard to my new lifestyle, my weight or even how what I'm eating is going to make me feel! Last night I overindulged. No, I didn't eat awfully bad. I had a veggie plate and a side salad at the restaurant we went to. I know your thinking what's the problem. The problem is that I had the salad with the full fat salad dressing (used every last drop that they give). I had my 4 veggies.......sweet potato, baked beans, mashed potatoes and green beans. Ok, so at least the green beans were good...however I'll be the first to admit that they were swimming in grease! Can we say Carb City for my meal???? Oh yeah....3 rolls! Uhhh yeah....that would be three.....3....yes not one, not two but three rolls. WITH butter! OUCH.

I've cooked at home today for lunch.....just a small meal. I have 9 points for dinner! I can do that. I just checked and my dinner is actually 7 points for the dinner...which gives me a point for a piece of fruit with my dinner! AND a point to spare! :-)

I was so determined to get back to the exercise......uhhhhhh I was really good for about 2-3 days.....then it went down the tubes! I'm hoping that it only happened that way because our week was so crazy and wild. (company here for two days.....my brother visitning others.....etc etc etc). I know that exercise plays such and integral part of weight loss for me!

Today is a quiet day for me. Todd's working...and I've got to be somewhat quiet. So I'll be reading or playing on the computer all day. Normally I would be able to watch tv quietly...however last night our sattelite receiver blew up...literally smoking! (it wasn't even on!) So Tv is out until we can get that replaced! Now that I think about it.....this week is also a weeek to have things just break down! The dryer is on the blink (we are waiting for a call from the repair company that the extended warranty people put in a call to...at least this one is covered by the extended warranty). THEN, the screen door.....litterally the hinges broke....first the top and we didn't realize it...and that pulled the bottom ones out of whack...so after church, in the pouring rain we had to try to fix the screen door and ended up removing it. My kitchen sink....it's porcelin (how the heck to do you spell that?) ...and the porcilin literally is falling off! ARRGGHHHH We are going to try to patch it for now.....until we decide what we are going to do...how much longer we are going to live here! Lets see....I think that's it. NOPE....Todd's car is in the garage! It's been rough.

Yeah...speaking of Todd's car. Last Thursday he had my car for the day. SO he dropped me off at work and was supposed to pick me up at 5 when I got off. Well, I know he sometimes gets involved in things so I tried to call him at 4:30 and every 10 minutes thereafter. At 5PM, he still hadn't shown up. So at 5:15 or so, my boss offered to take me home. I accepted....I would have walked the 2 miles but it was rainy. I walked in the door and Todd mentioned how I was late....I asked him, "Did you forget something?" He looked at me blankly and said, "I don't think so". I looked at him and said, "ME"! HE still didn't get it...because he still looked very confused. It wasn't until I actually said, "You have my car...you were supposed to pick me up" That he realized what he did! Nope..I'm not mad...but it sure has been fun to tease him!

Slow slow work

Why in the world does the weight come on so easily...but take so long to be eradicated??? I literally gained 5 pounds for the two days we were in Lancaster....yet it's been more than a week and I haven't dropped those 5 pounds! I have to keep telling myself that it is slow work and I don't want to rush it...I want to do it healthy and the correct way! But it really is food for thought.....oops no pun intended on the 'food' comment!

Last night got to visit with a great friend of mine from my teen years! I hadn't seen this girl in 17 years. That's soooo long! So it was very interesting.

We've eaten out WAY Too much this week! WAY TOO MUCH! It is so much more difficult to lose weight when you are eating out every meal! I'm determined to cook at home most of this coming week! First of all I have the food....second of all it is easier for me to manage food at home!!!!!

Struggling!

I'm so struggling tonight! I'm just plain and simple hungry! I can't stop eating! What to do...what to do? Ok, I know in my head to stay away from the kitchen. But that is so much easier said than done! I need strength!!!!!! Come on willpower! Come on something!

I can deal with the weight gain. HOwever, I'm having some difficulty dealing with the fact that I'm no longer in onederland! Yes...I totally and royally screwed it up! ARRGGHHHH I'm 201! I know it will come off! I'm not concerned. I'm not giving up. I'm not anything...except PO'd at myself! How could I have been stupid enough to let it happen? Anything but losing my foothold in onederland!

I haven't been exercising regularly. I got out of the habit when I had the cold while my brother's family was in town. I never got back in the habit. I'm starting that tomorrow. No ifs ands or buts! I know that is a big part of my success. I have to get all the spokes in this wheel moving in the same direction. Until then, I'm not going anywhere...at least not fast!

I think I can, I think I can!

I set a goal for myself to be at least back under 200 by my official weigh in. That weigh in is tonight. According to my scales this morning...as long as I don't mess it up....I should be under....BARELY under...but under. That is if it holds to the pattern that my home scales weigh me about a half of a pound heavier than the official meeting scales! 200.4 on the home scales! Ahhhhh soo close! But I'm letting this be a lesson to myself. I fought to get under 200.....it was a long hard battle....and after only 2-3 weeks I messed it up! NO WAY...not again!

I've been terrible with exercising. I just plain and simple haven't done it lately! I think I've exercised twice in the last three weeks! That's pitiful! While we were travelling I did at least walk a good bit....but it's just not the same! I need to make that a focus...getting back in the exercise routine! As much as I dread doing it.....it needs to be done! For me, starting the exercise routine is the worst. Once I get back in it...then I don't mind it...but the first few times, I just dread the sore legs...sore arms.....and general tiredness!

Well...it's back to work for me today. My vacation is over...boo hooo!

Results of a vacation and family visit!

Yes, the unofficial results are in. I've gained.....I've uhhh gained a fair amount. Uhhhh I'm no longer in onederland! I'm pretty bummed about it. I never wanted to see that 2 as my first number in my weight again. NEVER. ANd here I am just a few weeks later back in twooterville! ARGHHHH! I'm determined to get rid of it as quickly as possible....... nothing drastic or unhealthy of course! I'm hoping to at least hold onto onederland for my official weigh in. I'm not that far off of onederland so it is possible! I"m hoping that a lot of it is water retention....from not drinking enough and from more salty food! I can hope eh? I actually feel that I didn't eat too poorly. Yes, I did have my much coveted and dreamed about piece of Shoo Fly Pie...but I ate complete veggie meals. I ate fruit cups for breakfast...etc etc etc! Soooo that is where I stand.

It has showed me that I really don't have total control over my food yet! I've still got a long ways to go in my mental journey to losing weight!

Satisfied

I'm sitting here satisfied in more than one way. We ate dinner and I'm physically satisfied from what I ate (it's my splurge night.......after my weigh in). BUt I'm also satisfied with my weigh in results. I actually gained .4 pounds. Yes, I'm satisfied with a half pound gain. We travelled......I made better choices that I previously would have...however I do know that I made some more poor choices! My aim was to actually maintain. I didn't quite do that...but close enough that I can kinda consider it a maintain.

We are going away again on Thursday.....this time to Lancaster CO, PA. I'm nervous about that also. But I'm determined to do it!

hanging on

I'm hanging on. I actually think I've dropped on the scales this week thus far. I'm a bit concerned though because Todd and I are going to be doing a slight bit of travelling on Sunday and Monday. Then we are home for like two days and then we will be away for three more days. I'm hoping to hold onto my weight loss that I'm seeing for this week! But I'll admit...I'll be happy to come out of these next two weigh in's with a maintain! I'm going for a loss though! :-)

Meanwhile, I think things in my life are settling down a bit.....other than my quest for a different job. I'm still keeping that on a back burner...but everything else seems to be falling into place.

The other week when I hit onederland I dropped a point. It's actually pretty funny. I really don't miss that point. I've been able to manage without it just fine. Crazy eh?

Sometimes its the snail that wins!

Yes, I posted a loss this week. It was only a .6 loss....but a loss nonethe less! Meanwhile, I'm not able to exercise because I'm all congested and can barely breath under the best of conditions let alone while exercising! I have been eating pretty healthily during the last few days though! :-)

My week

Things have been going ok for me. I've had a few heavy meals here and there...but I've really watched what else I've eaten on those days and miraculously my weight is remaining pretty stable. One day I was up about 2 pounds...but I really do feel that it was water retention! I'm hoping for at least a small loss this week. Yeah, I'd like another 2 pound loss or so. But I'll be happy with a maintain or small loss! Just no gain! Ok, I'll not be happy with a small one...but I'll be ok with it!

I am really trying to keep myself fresh with this program and not slip into the 'same old same old' again. Because it's when I'm in that stage that I stop losing! I don't want to hex myself but I think my bad months of one week gain, one week lose back and forth may be past me. I've had two weeks of steady losses. That's another reason i'm hoping for a nice loss again!

Meanwhile, I haven't exercised yet today. That is bad. I know that Todd is working until about 6 and then he wants to go out to dinner. So we won't be getting home until like 8 or so. I have to do laundry then. (which I can do while exercising I'm sure). But once it gets to a certain time...I struggle with exercising! I'm going to perservere though!

WOO HOOOO

Finally, a journal entry that I'm just tickled about writing....I just can't wait to share my news! Let's see if you can guess. onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland!

Nope...I didn't gain weight....I lost 2.2 pounds....which puts me solidly into onederland! 198.2 pounds! I'm so stoked! Scared to death to mess it up and gain...but stoked!

I went in for an 'interview' at a place that I interviewed at a month ago (used bookstore). They had offered me a job then...but I couldn't work for what they offered...and they only offered part time. Well, they came back to day and didn't do an interview like they had said...they offered me the job right off the bat. I'm panicked though.......it's only 1 dollar more an hour....and will add 40 minutes of travel time daily....which will equal to roughly a tank of gas a week. SO after I pay the extra gas money...I"m only talking about $20 a week. The one good thing.....I would have access to their health insurance....after a time. OHhhhhhh I can't stand decisions like this! STRESSSSSSSSSSS I'm going to try to fight off the eating urges!

Back to my Roots!

I’ve noticed in myself that things are starting to get more stale. It’s getting more difficult to follow the program and stay OP. It has made me think about this deeply and something that my favorite weight watcher leader talks about all the time is that when things get stale and routine that you should simply start over. It made me think of how I was at the beginning……….

“I had listened intently to the getting started meeting that the leader led. Now I was eager to get home to read through the materials that I had been given. I burst into the house, dropped my purse on the table and dropped onto the couch with my books and purchases in my hand. With only a short hello to my husband I started reading. “I can do this” I said to myself as I read through the instructions regarding the weight watchers program. The further I read, the more excited I became. This plan was going to work for me. I just knew it. There was a lightness in my heart and a pep to my step (as much as is possible for a morbidly obese person) as I went to my desk and wrote the first date into the three month journal. I constantly read the books those first weeks…reviewing the information and cementing it in my head. I carried my material with me everywhere I went so I wouldn’t be caught off guard. At each weigh in I was tickled to death at the weight I was losing. I was anal about my journaling. Every BLT (bite, lick and taste) went into the journal…heck I was so into it that I probably even put in every sniff of food that I had! . Before I ate anything, I knew exactly how many points it was and how long I would have to work out to negate what I was eating. I was a machine and I was losing! I lost steadily for months. I was looking better and feeling better than I had in ages! I was still excited about the program”
The problem is I lost that excitement somewhere a few months back. I’m still super motivated…..but I stopped being so religious about writing down exactly what I ate, sometimes even fudging the books a bit (ie well, it was SMALL…so I’m sure it was only one point versus two for a normal size portion). The weight loss slowed down drastically also! Looking back and trying to fix my problems so that I can continue to lose weight (and get past this 200 pound mark…that I’ve been trying to break for it seems ages) I realize that I need to go back to the beginning. Make the program fresh and new. Get excited about it again.

I plan on continuing withe my exercise plan. That is basically to exercise 6 days a week...varied things each day. I also want to spend some more time online reading about others (journals) who are on the same journey that I'm on. I want to read success stories....and see success pictures. I need to read my books and my materials front to back again. In fact, I may need to buy the new books...just to have them. New books would be fresh....especially since the books are different now! I'll have to see if I have the money to do that though!

weigh in results

Ok, I should just copy and paste my email from a few weeks ago! I lost nicely...2 pounds...and that put me at 200.4 pounds! Not quite close enough...but a loss nonethe less! Happy on one hand....sad on the other! REALLY afraid that I'll screw things up and gain again...or NOT make it to onederland next week! ARRGGHHH!

I've gotta do this! It will be difficult though. The ick (TOM) will be hitting sometime this week...and honestly I'm just wanting to eat eat eat right now. I could go into the kitchen and make another meal and eat it all! Part of my problem....I saw some cheese in the refridge while making dinner...and had some.... 3 points down the drain for something that wsn't that overly filling. Yummy, yes it was...but filling...no! Otherwise I would have been just fine and dandy with points..and I would have been able to have popcorn or some snack! But noooooo I had to have cheese and use my points. And I'm so afraid that I'll mess up and gain this week that I'm almost afraid to eat! Zero point items...hmmmmmm nope...I can't hack sauerkraut at 8:30 pm....nope...nor green beans...or carrots....hmmmm no zero point foods sound good right now. Ok, if I had my choice.....hmmmm this is hard, I've just sat here for a minute or two trying to think of what I'm actually hungry for...what I would want to eat if i could have anything.....uhhhhmmm. Wow...you know, maybe this is just boredom and lonliness speaking in me telling me to eat! I can think of things that I would eat if i gave myself the go ahead...but to actually say I'm hungry for them...nope. Hmmmmmm now isnt' that food for thought?