Tuesday, July 28, 2015

So disappointing

What a raging disappointment!    I went out on my run with high hopes and those hopes were dashed in the dirt beneath my feet.  What pray tell am I talking about?   Well, let me share.  Yesterday I received a picture text from my ex husband.  It was a picture/link to a news article in the local paper/news outlet.  The article talked about there have been at least two instances of a flasher in our town. (Making a mental note to once again start religiously carrying my pepper spray when I go out running!)   This 'gentleman' (and I use that term loosely) reveals himself to women who are out jogging.  HOT DOG!  I immediately sent the link/article to my friend and jogging buddy and told her that we are going to be doubling up on our runs in an effort to be flashed!   ha ha ha.  Especially me as on of the sightings was relatively close to where I typically run!   Alas, no one flashed me this morning.  What a disappointment!  That would have made for a fun run....one I would never forget.  (And yes, I'm joking around....I don't really want to have a flasher show me his goodies.......but it would be a run I would never forget, that I can't deny.   ha ha ha)

I've bee struggling with my weight recently.  I've been stuck in the same 5 pound range for a few months.  I guess that is good...but it's also bad.  I get to the top of the range and I cringe.   I get to the bottom and I smile, but then I jump back to the top.  Last week I was at the top end of that range, that was right about the time that I said "no more".  So I had my starting number.  255.0.   No worries.  It was going to go down!   I stepped on the scale today and I saw 252.0.  I was disappointed.  I want to be out of that 5 pound range....BAD.  (yesterday was actually 251.4....but I exercised late and then ate a later dinner...so I'm not worried about the fluctuation)  I was disappointed with myself.   Not enough to make me give up my run.  NO, it is Tuesday and Tuesdays are a run day....so out I went.  It wasn't until half way through my run that I realized how utterly stupid I was being.  Last week I was 255.0   Today I was 252.0 and I'm complaining?????   Uhhhh   by my calculations (and it's not rocket science mathematics...so I'm reasonably sure I'm correct) that is a three pound loss.  I am showing a three pound loss and I'm complaining????  Really????   

What in the world was wrong with me?   Why could I not accept the 3 pound loss?   It could be because of the 5 pound range I've been teetering within.  It could be the 'been there done that' mentality that I have had this time around.  Maybe it's the depressing thought of 'doing this once again'.  I don't know.  But today I stepped back and told myself how stupid I was.  3 pounds is three pounds!   I need to stop focusing on the 5 pound range....that five pound range stuff is for maintenance...NOT losing.  You see, when I gain as long as I was within that 5 pound range I was happy. And that is a good mentality (for maintenance) but it negates any weight loss I was having within that 5 pound range.  I was stuck with the mentality that I wasn't really losing weight until I dropped under that 5 pound range.  HOW WRONG!   Not true!  So I am celebrating....officially celebrating that I'm showing a weight loss!   NICE NICE NICE!

Another realization on my run?   I want to do this half marathon with all of my heart.  Yes, I dread the aches and pains.  Yes, my feet hurt (old injuries and feet issues are rearing their ugly head).  Yes, I worry about losing weight while I train. I find myself really hungry afterward....just ask my parents, this morning I was shoveling cereal into my mouth....and I polished off the small scoop...maybe 1/4 cup of mac and cheese, and a couple bites of a cinnamon roll.  And when I say shoveling...I mean SHOVELING!    But you know what....it will all work out, and I will succeed.  A new dream is being made!

Meanwhile, I have talked to my friend Sue (the gal that I did the Cooper River Bridge Run with).  She is planning on doing the same run in 2016 and he is planning on running it !!!!  GOOD....I was disappointed that I didn't manage to run it (stupid foot...or rather stupid step at a zumba step class.....ok ok ok, stupid MF for falling off the step) and that weekend I told myself  that I would be back to complete it as a run!  2016 baby! 

Bring it on.  I've got weight to lose.  I've got miles to run.  I've got personal records to set in running.  I've got so many things to achieve!


Sara said...

Crazy about the flasher! When I was a teenager my friend got flashed in the library of all places! He got caught pretty quickly lol.

finding lori said...

Damn right! Celebrate that loss girl :) You're doing better than 1/2 the people that are sitting on their butts :)

Darcy Winters said...

A loss is a loss is a loss. lol
I think if I saw a flasher I would just burst out laughing. That is just such silly nonsense to me. Good work on the running. Put something on your bathroom mirror to remind you of the marathon every morning. Then you can visualize it and make it happen! (says the woman who has yet to make it to the gym....)

Lori said...

I have had that same mindset that a loss doesn't really count until it gets below the lowest number I've seen recently. I feel better knowing I am not alone in that.

Good for you for keeping on with the running. Maybe you'll be rewarded with a flash! LOL!

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