Thursday, June 06, 2013

Part Deux

Well, if this post isn't a repeat of a few days ago when I wrote the post titled derailment then I don't know what is. In that post I wrote about the two days in a row that I had plans to be active in the evening and both times my plans got shot into the water when my partner in crime backed off with various excuses (valid or invalid).   I wrote about it and hoped that my post would give me strength to hold strong the next time it happened.  Ohhh how I wish that writing a post fixed problems and kept them from happening again.  But oh, that is not the case.  I had plans to walk on Thursday night.  I knew it was calling for rain, but we had talked about that and it was a go (there are such things as umbrellas, rain jackets and towels for when we go back inside).  I was set.  I was good with that plan.  But round about 5 or so, the plans got cancelled....because of the rain.  Disappointment flowed through me.  I'm OK with my friend's decision, she has every right to change her mind about walking in the rain.   Just like Todd had every right to not play tennis with me.  The problem is that when I'm geared up for one thing and the plans get blown out of the water, I'm thrown into a tailspin.   The tailspin results in me just skipping the workout.  In one case it was a second workout for the day so it was OK. But, in two of the situations the workout that was cancelled  was my only planned workout for the day.  That is bad.    I have to figure out how to guard against this and figure out how I can push myself to workout even if the original plans get blown into bits.  

So I was at home and in the kitchen getting dinner ready last night.  I was minutes away from dishing up the food when Todd walked into the kitchen.  He grabbed the bag of chips (actually Potato Straws).   He ate one or two and then pushed one into my mouth.  OK OK OK, he didn't hog tie me and shove it down my gullet.  I willingly opened my mouth and took it in....I willingly took the second one also.    His words when I looked at him questioningly after that second bite of snack?    "I have to fatten you up."  I didn't even know what to say to that one but it stopped me dead in my tracks.  I didn't eat another bite!

 This repeated situation that I have faced this week has made me look at myself.  I exercise by myself most of the time.  I don't mind it.  It gives me time to think. It gives me time to pray.  It gives me time to reflect.  But seriously, I don't need so many stinkin' hours by myself.  So I get so excited when I can do something (IE tennis the other night that was ultimately cancelled) with someone.  Furthermore, I get so excited to ride my bike with Todd.  I've come to the conclusion.  It's NOT because I'm doing it with him.  It's because he and I usually travel and go to a different path (places we don't get every week..and sometimes totally new for us).  It's not because my craving to be with someone is satisfied.  He listens to his ipod the whole time, so I'm still alone.  BOOOOORING!  OH well, I'll still ride with him because it gets me someplace new and out of the mundane.

So I woke up this morning just feeling down.  The crazy part?  I think that if I were to exercise I would feel better.  Sadly, that's not in the cards for me today....I work early today and then have to skedaddle to a wedding....won't be home until late I pondered the gym on my way home from the wedding, but while they are open 24 hours Monday through Friday, they close on Friday nights...grrr)


timothy said...

put on music and dance ride your bike down you street grab a flashlight and take a walk/run. whatever you do move, you KNOW that! don't get sidetracked or depressed because of others actions you cant control anyones actions, you can however control you RE-action!

Stained Glass Butterfly said...

If writing about an issues solved it, I wouldn't have any issues left! But at least it does mean you are aware of it.

Gwen said...

Do you have an iPod? Create a dance playlist with your favorite 'fast' / dance type songs of all time. Then, anytime your partner exercise plans fizzle, grab your iPod, go into a room by yourself, kick off your shoes, and just dance! That's my main form of exercise, that I can do anytime, anywhere, for any length of time. Rely on no one! (but yourself.)

Re your husband...well, tough love alert. It's clear he's sabotaging you. Actively, passively; the results are the same. You can hold him accountable for it, or build up your walls, realize it for what it is (he's not comfortable with a new you emerging, for whatever baggage reasons he's carrying)...and toughen up and become impervious to his evile methods to stop your path to a new body. Stick up for yourself. Because if you don't, who will? You can decide whether to address this with him face on, or whether to just toughen up your ability to say no. But you have to stick up for yourself either one way or another and not allow him to 'win' in that. Or you might as well hang up all of your assorted exercise shoes and just give up. And I know you don't want to do that! He can get with the program, or not. His choice. Your choice has to be to put your health against / higher than his insecurities. end of tough love rant (that was in your defense.) :)

twogirlsmama76 said...

I'm sorry!

Anonymous said...

We believe in you!! We love you! A and C

Unknown said...

I can so relate with a partner not showing up. I have a standing date at 6am two days a week and when we're out on the road talking, it's like therapy for both of us. We are practically talking at the same time. HOWEVER--some times its just one day we make it. It doesn't matter, though, because I love being able to go to the gym, put on the nano, turn it up LOUD and bust my butt on the treadmill or elliptical or whatever.
I am better off when I do what I want and not worry about planning around others. Do it for yourself!
OH..and I'm stopping by from Motivation Monday (yes, that's what my week was like--I know--it's Saturday).
Enjoy your weekend!
Lulu and Daisy