Tuesday, October 19, 2010


I did it.  Even with my breakfast of red velvet cake, I was able to watch my food intake the rest of the day and manage to chose my food wisely and to stay on track and within my points.  After dinner, I went to my computer and opened up my day planner and put in my sticker for eating on track for the day.  A little later I wanted something to eat. Notice I said wanted.  I didn't NEED anything....I just wanted.  But every time the thought popped into my head, I looked down at my open day planner and at that little green smiley face and I knew I didn't want to have to peel that darn sticker off of the page...so I resisted the temptation. 

I have already laid out my eating for today.....it's actually already been entered into Etools (yes, when they changed the time on my WW meeting...with no other option available for me to attend due to my work schedule...and I had to quit WW...I did keep Etools.....the app for the iPhone alone makes it way too handy!)  So my food is already lined up today...with 2.5 points to spare...as a cushion so to speak. So I'll be able to have a Popsicle or something tonight. WEEEEE

I've been thinking a lot about weight and how it alters not only our perceptions of ourselves but also how we live our lives.  When I was thinner, I felt good about myself.  And I dressed in such a way that showed that I felt good about myself.  I dressed in a nicer, less sloppy manner.  Not just in my clothes choices...because i can argue that the gained weight has affected my choice of clothes (I refuse to buy lots of clothes at this size) but everything.  When I had lost the weight and was at my lowest....I wore high heeled shoes....I looked for 'slick' or 'sexy' looking shoes.  And I wore them.  I took pride in myself.  I painted my nails more often.  I just cared more.  And looking back, as I started to gain....that pride started to slip.  I started wearing sloppier clothes (partly because I gained weight and that severely limited my clothes choices) I stopped wearing my cool shoes (OK, so cool shoes just don't look right with sloppy attire).  The nails were not painted.  I just slowly stopped caring.  And as I stopped caring....I felt worse and worse about myself.  They go hand in hand.  You feel fat and you don't want to take the time....which is depressing in itself.  But then because you don't want to take the time....because of lack of pride or whatever you wish to call it.....you stop caring....which only drives you further into that depression.  It really is a vicious cycle. 

What sparked that thought.  I was out this past weekend and for some unknown reason perused down the boot aisle and found a pair of really cool looking boots.  (Todd said that they looked 'slick').  I bought them.....which meant that yesterday I had to actually dress not so sloppy.  I wore black dress pants, a purple button down suede top and I topped that with a black dress jacket....and of course my black boots.  I actually wore my hair down...instead of the comfy braid that I normally wear (OK, not sure if I can give up the braid too often...lol).  But I felt different.  More confident.  My attitude about myself changed.  Yes, I was still disgusted about my weight....but my attitude was different about myself. 

I am not going to avow to dress that way everyday at this current time.  One, I am scraping the bottom of the barrel in clothes that I can comfortably wear.....and TWO...I only have a few pairs of slacks that I CAN wear to work under the dress code....and some are more casual.  But I am going to try to dress nicely at least once or twice a week.  And of course as I lose weight and can fit back into my whole wardrobe that I had picked up while at my lower weight (regular shopping, goodwill shopping AND my manager at work has a daughter that loves to shop....and frequently gives away clothes......TONS of clothes!) I'll be able to dress more nicely on a much more regular basis.    One step at a time.


Mom to the Fourth Power said...

I agree with you. As I have been losing weight, I have been dressing nicer and taking more care of myself. It all goes hand in hand. I have a sister in law who is heavy but she always looks fabulous and dresses so nicely. I admire that about her. Good for you for getting those boots and sticking to your eating plan. Keep it up girl!!


bbubblyb said...

It is true that it's all in the attitude of how we feel that then leads over into how we present ourselves. I'm glad you dressed up though because really we should try to feel our best about ourselves regardless of the weight. Way to go getting your sticker yesterday too. Sounds like you're doing great. Mike uses a program on his itouch called lose it.

Michelle @ Those Last 75 Pounds said...

Oh i'm with you on this one. I also refuse to buy many clothes at my current size. I wear what I can and then move down a size. I also have clothes in almost every size and only when I"m very desperate do i buy something new to wear. It's been a while!!

Good job on resisting to save your green smiley!!


WWSuzi said...

:) I just did the same thing today, i took the time to dressing nicely, do my hair and put some jewelry on :)

E. Jane said...

Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment. I agree with your post, and I have been taking the time to take good care of myself, and that includes all grooming and clothes. When I am overeating, it's amazing how quickly I can become less concerned about how I look. But what that leads to is not feeling good about myself, which in turn, leads to not caring about what I am eating.

I recently bought some new clothes, even though I wanted to wait to reach a smaller size. Turns out--it was a good thing. I began to get compliments again and to feel motivated about losing weight--I'm now back on track. I'm glad I spent the money on myself. We're all worth it.

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