Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Habits, Traditions and just the way it is

I'm off work today as is Todd. We've talked a few times about our plans for the day. Nothing is set in stone. But as I lay in bed this morning just relishing in the laze of not worrying about getting up for work I started to to think about the conversations that we've had. 1. We could drive down toward DC and visit Bucca di Beppo...and from there mosey around. 2. We could go toward Frederick and go to Brewers Alley and from there mosey around. 3. We would stay relatively close to home and eat at Rocco's or maybe I could take Todd to Barefoot Bernies. In case you didn't know. Bucca di Brewers Barefoot We are making our plans based around the food choices that each area provides. Is this a healthy lifestyle mentality? No, the focus of our day should not be food. Yet somehow it is. I know that I'm addicted to food. I enjoy the experience of eating. The taste of eating. The texture of food. The smells. The sounds. I enjoy it all! But it shouldn't be the focus of my day! I don't want it to be the focus of my day. I don't want to be ruled by food. Yet I find myself constantly ruled by food.

How can I make the leap from being ruled by food to being the ruler of food. In essence using food simply for what it does for me....sustains life. And that is the crux of my problem...I would have to say goodbye to my friend. My constant friend. I would have to say goodbye to that friend that has helped me study in college....high school and middle school too Heck, I can remember rewarding myself with food in grade school. Working on my spelling words, each word I got right I would take a bite of food...or a drink of hot chocolate. I didn't have a weight problem in grade school, but I can look back and see the ground work being laid for my addiction. This friend that I have to say good by with....wouldn't be there to help me celebrate the good times. And this friend wouldn't be there to console me when times get bad. Food has been my true friend. Yes, I am eating every emotion, ever nuance of my life.

Do I want to give up this friend? This addiction? Yes, yes yes...I don't want to be addicted to food. But am I really willing to give up my friend? Is it healthy to hang onto this? I'm not sure.

So my question is, how can I separate the two. The addiction from the friend. And yes, learning how to limit my time spent with this friend. Not bringing food to the forefront of each and every day.....not elevating this friend/food to the most important spot in my life. That's not healthy. I still want the friend.....I just want the friend put into it's rightful place in my life.


bbubblyb said...

These are all tough questions, a tough situation, but it is life for us food addicts. I don't know that the feelings will ever totally go away. I still find the family and I wanting to celebrate or spend time through eating. For Mike and I now we often times choose going to the gym instead of out to eat. With Winter setting in too it's tougher finding things to do that aren't about food. Anyway, hang in there, it sounds like you really give a lot of thought to how you're feeling and what you're doing and really that's a big part of things. One of these times we'll have to meet up somewhere for dinner the 4 of us, would be fun I think *smile*.

F. McButter Pants said...

When you find the answers to that question, you be sure to let me know. I am with Dawn, it's an ongoing struggle.

This time of year is especially hard. Just keep on keeping on. Even if you get discouraged, don't give up!

Enjoy your day off, no matter what you do.

VRaz60 said...

Very insightful post. If someone comes up with an answer to your question, please share it with us all. The food addiction is a struggle for many, if not all, of us. With the holidays coming, I'm particularly aware of all the events that center around food and family. The two seem to go hand in hand. The warmth of the family and the enjoyment of a meal together are hard for me to separate. Good luck to you in your quest to change your habits. I'm still a work in progress, and I'm much older (but not wiser) than you.

Salina Lyn said...

I don't think I have all the answers by any means. I'm in the same boat as everyone else. BUT I've been doing A LOT of work on myself around this very topic, not just learning about myself but taking actions to correct the problems. I think the underlying problems are all different for each of us so one size definitely doesn't fit all. The things I'm doing, I've been doing for 6 weeks or so and I have to say, it's like a light popped on my head. Finally, I'm seeing things clearly, I feel like I've got a different way of looking at myself, my past, my thoughts, my EMOTIONS, and I've been able to make different decisions. And in doing so, I'm feeling better about all the above. And for maybe the first time, I don't know, ever, I feel...happy. I'm not going to preach the answers that are working for me (so far :)) but I can offer you something that was able to help me wake up a little and start to find the answers that I was seeking for myself. It's a book that I recently learned about and read. It's called Shrink Yourself and it's written by a therapist who specializes in emotional eating. It's yours if you want it.

You are a powerful person and you don't have to feel victimized by your "friend". You CAN stand up and put that friend in it's place. You can still enjoy it's company but not let it run your life. I don't know about you but when I have a "friend" that treats me like that, I either put them in their place or kick their sorry ass to the curb. You deserve to be happy and proud of yourself.