Friday, September 15, 2023


​It’s been a hot minute…again!  I’m here.  I think about posting.   However I am always thinking about it and saying to myself, tonight…or tomorrow.  And those times never come.   Well they come but they are wicked up with other activities and responsibilities.  So here I am at 5:30am writing.


I guess I should start with my weight since this was created as a weight loss journey.    So the down and dirty about my weight?    Nothing.  I have thought about it…made efforts to start.  (Ok, so what if those efforts were mostly in my mind.). But I have done pretty much nothing to get the weight off.   I have not recommended tracking.  I have not recommenced exercise.   I’ve thought about it a lot.  That counts for something right?

So I am here to tell you that my weight is exactly the same.   I want it to change, but I just can’t seem to find it in me to add anything else to my life.    Which is crazy because I know that if I got the weight under control that I would feel so good physically!


Work continues to really drag me down.   I’m not going to say much because it is my job…and I do need to retain my employment status.  But the team I’m on is extremely toxic.  BAD!    I won’t go any further than that…but it’s not healthy.

Genera life

The life concerns are still there and they are overwhelming at times.    I try to deal with everything but the pain just bubbles up.   Yesterday I was walking the dog on my work break and was thinking about work.  And I just wanted to talk to my mom.  But while she is alive, she is not really there for me.  It’s hard to explain, but she just isn’t ‘there’.  Her attention span is gone…and she is so buried in her thoughts and misery or whatever that if I do talk to her she usually interrupts me mid sentence to say something random and not at all related, something like ‘where are my shoes’.     So I was outside sobbing because while I still have my mom, I really don’t have my mom.     The finances overwhelm me at times.     It’s just a continually cycle of being overwhelmed…work…money…mom.

Jason has been my rock.   He is the bright spot.  I know it bothers him, because he has commented about never seeing me smile anymore.   And I try….I really try. 

Survive…not thrive

So this morning I was thinking and praying and the best way to describe my life right now is that I’m surviving but not thriving.   I’m surviving.   I’m going to work.  I’m paying all my bills (yes, all bills are paid and paid on time).     I’m doing everything that needs done….but it’s seemingly just enough to survive.   Not getting ahead…not thriving.     I’m surviving. 

I’ll leave you with a pic of the dog!


peppylady (Dora) said...

Beautiful dog (buddy)
Coffee is on, and stay safe.

jen said...

Ohhh dear lady big big hugs , here’s a cyber one 🫂
I wish you could say goodbye to that toxic job.
Please take care…. xx

MrsSwan said...

I’m sorry the job is so stinky. Honestly maintaining is great while you are in this chapter of life. Stop fretting about losing and keep swimming through this chapter until you either reach a sandbar or a different shoreline and are starting a new chapter.

Paula C said...

Surviving not thriving isn't good. Sometimes we do need to go into survival mode to get through the rough times. One blessing is you do not have to go into the office each day. However your co-workers seem to be a bit cruel since they don't have to look one another in the face. It might be time to move on to a different job. Now that Jason is back to work it will lower the stress. Start looking. In the mean time focus on you. Weight loss is tough. Take small steps. Something as simple as drinking enough water. You can do it. Just be kind to yourself.

Stained Glass Butterfly said...

I completely understand what you are saying about surviving, not thriving. That is a perfect description of how I have felt since my mom passed away last year. I don't know how to push past that. I also feel like if I get my weight under control, it would improve other areas of my life, but then I don't do anything substantial to do that. I am frustrated with myself but not giving up.

Cathy said...

One of the things I've had to remind myself lately is that doing my best changes every day. My best today may not look like my best 5 years ago, or even yesterday. Just do the best that you can right now and don't beat yourself up when it's not the same as a different day.