Tuesday, May 02, 2023

Love or Fear

I recently heard someone make a comment about fear or love.  It really made me think!   What was the comment? We make decisions based on one of two reasons.  Fear or love.  

People gravitate toward love…it’s the trait that draws people in.  It’s the trait that we need for ourselves to draw ourselves in and make us successful.  But I many times make choices based on fear.  

I can see how when I was making big choices out of fear how it drew people into my life that were predators.   People that used me.  People that had their own agenda and needed someone driven by fear so that they could fulfill whatever they were trying to do in life.  (Subconsciously or otherwise).    Over and over this happened.  I got married the first time based on fear.  Fear that I would never know love…never have a family and that I would be alone forever.    And look how that turned out.  (Divorced).   I had friends that gravitated to me…friends (or not so  much friends it turned out) that were more intent on their agenda and they needed someone that was making choices on fear…..because it gave them power.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that when I was divorced and in the dating arena that I was meeting straight up idiots.  I was making choices based on fear.   And it shouldn’t shock me that when I finally got the self confidence to make choices based on love, not love for another person, but love for myself that I met an amazing man…one that I now call husband. I wrote about the following  revelation in my book Frog or Prince (you can purchase it here) 


The real revelation though?  I wasn't until I stood up for myself and accepted myself as a single confident lady that I was ready to move on with my life.  It wasn't until I did the unheard of things.  I purged friendships that weren't healthy.  I found happiness in single life.  I stood up for myself with a bunch of dating losers.  I went on two vacations by myself.  (Vacationing by oneself invokes pity by almost everyone...but really isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.)  It is coincidence that I met Jason right as I made that discovery I had purged the people and booked the vacations and almost immediately we started to talk......I don't think it's coincidental at all.  I had to heal and make that major discovery so that I could go into a true loving relationship with a man while at peace and in love with myself.

But somehow, over the last years, I slipped back into the Maryfran of old.  That confidence that I found when I met Jason slipped away.  And I started making choices based on fear again.   My self confidence has taken another downward dip….and many of my choices are being made out of fear.


I’m not losing weight because I love myself.  I have been trying to lose weight because I’m afraid of the future if I don’t!    I have written on this blog so many times that the weight didn’t come off the first time until I learned to love myself.   I am worth it.   I am worth every ounce of time and energy it takes to make me even more awesome than I already am.  (And I need to start believing that I am awesome!) I am deserving of being the person that I want to be!

It’s time to love myself again!


My dog obviously loves me!



Amy said...

Self love is the hardest. I was raised in a manner where I was shamed for wanting too much and I learned to make myself small, accommodating and invisible. I had to re-parent myself in order to start believing I am allowed to take up space, make noise, and take what I want and need for myself and it doesn't make anyone love me any less. Step back into your power. It has always been there, you just forgot for a bit.

jen said...

I think we all need self love., I know mine has been hidden.
Believe in yourself.

peppylady (Dora) said...

We also need to learn to forgive our self.
Coffee is on, and stay safe.