Thursday, August 06, 2015

The Boss

Why yes, I was losing weight and doing really good.  And why yes, it all seemed to crumble around me this week.   Ok, maybe not that bad.   However, the numbers on the scales were REALLY up yesterday.  Like 4 pounds up.  It could just be an aberration due to a few factors (dehydration, water retention, etc etc etc).  No worries.  Ok, maybe we should be a bit worried because I DID have a dessert at Panera bread yesterday....uhhhhhhhh.....   And well there MAY have been cheese fries on Monday!!!

This week has been emotional.  The break-up of my marriage was necessary.  For both of us really.  We were both unhappy in a marriage and hanging on because we were still friends.  Yes, even through the worst of it, we would have a day where we got away and just enjoyed each others companionship and friendship.  Even when I wanted to beat him up for what he did and how he broke my heart....I still enjoyed his friendship.   So lets be's hard because by leaving the marriage I have lost the companionship and friendship of someone that has been in my life for 17 years of my life.  Do I want to go back?  No, as a husband he was horrible. But I'm put into a weird position of watching my friends and family gasp in horror when I do spend time, as a friend; with my ex.  I'm put in the weird position of picking up my ex and feeling sadness as I see the property that we owned (ok, I'm still on the title...but that's just a technicality.)   I long for some aspects of the marriage....but I revel in the freedom of being out of an emotionally harmful situation.  It's really a rather odd dichotomous mix of feelings.  And I know that it has affected my life.  I've got choices though.  I made choices and I have to follow the path...and come out on the top....weight wise and otherwise too!!!   I have remember that this is not a I react to the stress and emotions are the failure or win!!!

I will be 'the boss' when I am through!!!

Running....GAH.   Difficult at best. My half marathon training begins on August 9th.  I am barely, where I need to be.  But I am going to persevere and do this.  Nothing is going to keep me down.   I am going to push myself...I am going to run my heart out.  I am going to push past whatever issue is holding me back.  Ok, if arthritic knees hurt.  My foot issue (the one that I have struggled with since I was in 10 or so) is rearing its ugly head after years of no issues.   My planters fasciitis is alive and kicking (so far I've been able to keep it just at a twinge).   My body is fighting against this progress but I'm going to fight back.  I KNOW that if I fight body and legs and knees will be stronger (and I will be thinner) and that the pain will most likely recede.  And...well....I will 'be the boss'!

I've taken up the hobby of is fun.  Cheap entertainment.  It also gets me up off the couch and moving......sometimes not as much as others (depending on where the caches are located and how far I park from the site).  Anything to keep me busy and moving.  That's the important thing I think.  (If you don't know what it is....look it up....

Look at the itty bitty container that contains a log sheet!!!

What a cute baby ammo box....threw off the hunt as I was thinking 'big'. Or rather normal sized ammo box!!!!

I need to LIVE Life.   Enjoy the ride.   Have fun.  Keep myself busy.   Run the hell off of my legs and the gas out of my car.   Happiness...that's the goal!!!!  And for me, that will be a compromise of panera bread snack stops and cheese fries on a rare occasion.  It will be road trips.   Movies.  Good food.  Long walks and sunsets.   Moderation and control....and enjoy life!!!


finding lori said...

You HAVE made it through! I think it's very healthy that you can be friends with your ex, what's the alternative? That would only cause more pain. I love that you are involved in geocaching! I want to look into that as well!

Kerstin said...

In Germany, where I grew up, it is actually quite common to stay friends with your ex. Or at least it is amongst my group of friends and even family. Doesn't always work of course, but often it does. So I don't think that's strange at all, and as long as one of you doesn't harbor secret thoughts of getting back together it can actually be healing. Getting over a long term relationship takes times and I think you are doing really well! As for the emotional eating, oh well, what can I say?? Been there, done it, DOING it. Sigh. But you are still making progress and are focussed on moving on and creating a better life for yourself. Never done geocaching but it always sounded like fun to me!