Habit Building

​It’s my birthday month!  Woohoo!!  It’s time to celebrate!

Ok, maybe there won’t be huge celebrations, but I’m going to claim the month as my own!

On December first I took the ‘this is a new year approach.    I didn’t wait for December first, it just so happened that my mind clicked on December first.  It wasn’t until about the third that I realized that I started over on a new month.

So what does my start over entail?  My start over at this exact moment is not hardcore.  It is tracking everything I eat. Good bad and ugly tracking.  I had not tracked through October or November.   This starting over is me working to get my water consumption back to a proper level.  My water consumption has been woefully lacking! And for right now that it is.  

Of course I know that living a healthy lifestyle involves a bit more than those two things.  It involves choosing healthier options in terms of my food consumption.  It involves adding more steps/activity/exercise into my life. And yes, those two things are probably more important than the tracking.  But I am building healthy habits right now. 

Tracking is one of the most important habits to build, for me at least.  This is for two reasons.  The first reason is that when  I’m not tracking I tend to eat more….and more….and more.  I eat and THINK I am eating decently.  But it’s crazy how many points/calories I am really eating!  I am still planning on following weight watchers.  I have had incredible success with their program in the past….and even in September when I was doing it I was seeing signs of success.   On the first of December I started tracking my food in the WW app.  I wasn’t aiming to be perfect in my food consumption…my goal was to track..to get in the habit of tracking.  I didn’t think it would be all that bad.  I wasn’t eating horrible!  I get 31 points a day…and I was hitting 55-60 points each day!  Yikes!     That brings me to the second reason why tracking is important for me.  Tracking is important because it makes me make healthier choices…it makes me more cognizant of my choices.   Slowly and without any real effort I have been seeing my daily points that I’ve consumed start to drop.  Yesterday I was only 6 points over.    Perfect?  Not at all, but much better than being 28 points over my daily budget.

We had a good weekend.  I worked on Friday after work and Saturday morning to get stuff done (groceries, laundry, errands, etc). On Saturday afternoon Jason and I drove up to check out the REI closest to where we live now.  And a nice little extra, there was a dollhouse store only a 2-3 miles from that REI!  I found a pair of bike shorts that were an incredible sale!  (70% off original price). They are a normal short but have a bike short insert.  At the dollhouse store I was able to control my impulses!  I wanted SO many things!  But, I only got three items and those three items were things I needed for a dollhouse scene that I am working on.  When we headed home we decided to stay off the interstate and we ended up stopping at Pine Grove State Park.   We couldn’t hike or do too much as Jason is still wearing a surgical boot…and can’t walk much without pain.  But we walked for a wee bit and we have vowed to go back.  (The Appalachian Trail goes through the park…so definitely good hiking!). 

On Sunday I spent time in the morning with my mom.  It is so difficult to see your parents age and to watch their health decline.  Mom is still struggling with the after affects of the stroke. (Physical mobility) and another condition that affects cognitive abilities. (Which the stroke also affects ). As hard as it is to see your mom barely able to walk even with assistance, It is so much harder to sit there and hear your mom struggle for something as simple as remembering what day of the month her daughter was born.  (FYI she got it wrong). 

After time with mom I drove south and spent a few hours geocaching with a long time friend. (Since we were about 12 years old).  It was a good thing.    

Monday…and back to work and the normal grind.  Still tracking…still working on my water consumption.  And gearing up for my birthday weekend!  I know that there will be cookies. It is my birthday cookie that my mom makes once a year…on my birthday.   I have the recipe and I will be attempting them this year.   

So this week has cookie making, a trip to the podiatrist for Jason’s foot, and of course my 50th birthday.

My weight?  I’m sticking to the water and tracking goal.  I don’t have a timeframe for actually adding in the next healthy habit/routine.  It will most likely be next week.  i want to have at least one of my habits a routine before adding a new habit.  I will be almost two weeks into tracking at that point…so I think I should be ready.  Water…well I’m still struggling with that!  But hey, I’m getting better, just a long way from being in a routine /habit with it!

Recouping my Weight after Vacation

 So vacation ended roughly a week ago. I admitted that I ate more food than necessary, or rather more dessert than necessary.  I also advised that I had  weighed in immediately upon returning home and I saw what the damage was.  I was ready to start this weight loss journey and get back on track!  I took every step and chance that I had to succeed! 

Setting myself up for Weight Loss Success

The very first day we were home I headed to the grocery store.  I stocked up the kitchen with healthy foods!  I got fresh veggies to cook with our dinners.  I got fresh veggies to nibble on.  I bought a variety of fruit.  I made sure I had the foods for success!

I had grand plans to start exercising on my lunch breaks.  I really had the best intentions.  But the first part of the week was so chaotic!  So I didn't get my lunch time exercise happening until Thursday when I went out for a run!

My first time jogging/running

Oh my word.  I knew that going out for a jog was going to be bad!  I haven't run in months.  I have been dealing with plantars fasciitis and well, I've gained weight.  I knew it was going to be slow.  I knew it was going to be REALLY slow.  So much so that I actually prepped my lunch on my first break from work.  I put it all on the plates/bowls and put it in the fridge.  I figured that I could just grab the lunch and eat it at my desk.  I was that prepared to use the whole 30 minutes to complete my predetermined route.  

It was bad!  I'm not going to lie.  It was ugly!  However, I will say that it could have been worse.  I made it halfway before I really had to stop to walk. Halfway is better than none!!!  Right??  I didn't feel all that horrible when I was running.  But once I stopped to walk, the pain came crashing down. My heel?   No....my heel hurt a bit when I was first running but that settled down a bit.  What hurt though were my shins.   My shins HURT like the dickens! 

I ran the first half.  Ok it was more  like a slow laborious painful to watch jog.  The second half, I walked a lot and tried to run some sections.  It was rough! But I did it!

A new Start to Lose Weight

This isn't technically a new start.  It is more like a continuation of my journey.  But before we went on vacation I decided that I wanted to give myself something new for this restart. I wanted something physical that I could see and 'love' and get  excited about.  So I ordered a new water bottle  Now in case you don't know,  I love water bottles.   I have typically tried to always carry a 64 ounce water bottle around.  It works because I simply know that I have to drain that each day to get my bare minimum of water.  It works for me.  Years ago, I had a water jug/bottle that I loved. It was insulated so it didn't get condensation.  It held 64 ounces. It had all sorts of water facts on the side and best of all, it had lines to show me where I was in my drinking and how much more I needed to go.  I wasn't just guessing that 'it feels like I've drank half".  The line indicators told me exactly where I was at any given moment of the day.  Sadly, that bottle/jug met an untimely death.  I have never been able to find one to replace it.  I have tried other 64 ouncers.....they are 'eh'.  So when I saw a 32 ounce bottle (Affiliate Link) that has the indicator lines, I decided to go for it.  I figured that this would be a good thing for me.  Refilling it isn't that bad since I am after all working from home.  So I have a new bottle to signify my new (re) start!

First weigh in after getting back on track

So I got myself back on track and I was anxiously awaiting the numbers on the scale to go down.  But on Monday and Tuesday the numbers kept climbing!   I was so disheartened and disappointed!  How???   but I guess it was just the vacation weight settling on me....and maybe the water retention.   I didn't give up (although I was sorely tempted).   And on Thursday I saw the numbers start to drop again!   So by Friday, my official weigh in showed me at 247.0   That is a lost of 1.6 pounds since we got back from vacation.  SO I have lost about half of my vacation gain.  I'll take that!!!!  I'm aiming to recoup it all by the end of next week!!!!!

Wash rinse repeat

I drew the line in the sand last week.  Enough is enough!   I don't want to be overweight!   I don't want to have to shop in the 'fat women's clothing stores and sections'.  I don't want to be out of breath.  I don't want it feel like I'mstuffed into a sausage casing whenever I wear half of my clothes!!! Ok, to be blunt, I don't want to be fat anymore!

So I woke up on Friday ready to rock this health journey. I walked into work....and there it was.

 

The anniversary/birthday of my employers existence was on Friday and they had cookies for a celebration.   Yup...I ate a cookie or three.

(As a side note...isn't it crazy to have a customer appreciation in the midst of closing down the office...so literally we had a celebration while customers were receiving the bad news about their branch.)

I didn't too bad on Friday night......but I was determined that Saturday would be a success...as much as possible on a weekend. 

Saturday was going to be the new first day of my hard core healthiness!!!

I woke up and ate my cereal....and got to work and my coworker hit me with a bit of niceness.....

 

Yup...a Bavarian cream donut.  Heck yeah I ate it!!!

We did lunch at Arby's.

 

  Ok so maybe the sandwich wasn't all that bad...but the curly fries and cheese cup wasn't all that great!

And then dinner was a simple cheese pizza (only because they delivered it minus the garlic and pepperoni).   Nope...I just ate two pieces!

 

Well I guess Sunday could  be my day to begin complete utter and complete awesomeness!!! 

Woohoo...Arby's again....but this time I tried the loaded cheese fries.   I've been curious!!!

 

Yeah they were pretty good.... but probably way over budget in calories.

Dinner was a sub. (Turkey) and pasta salad....but I finally caved and got the ice cream I've been craving since Wednesday night!!!

 

Yup...three attempts...wash rinse repeat.   

Today...I can do this today!!!!  There are still cookies here and I'm fighting the urge to have one!. I just have to stay away from those darn cookies...they are killing me...I want them so bad!!!

Today is my day to shine!!!!

Motivation alert.....

This weekend Jason and I waked through a few stores and saw some clothes.   I would love to be able to shop anywhere for clothes!!!!   He points out clothes he would love to see on my all the time.   And he has good taste!  I just need to be able to fit into them!!!!!!

And the biggest motivator....

As I was planning in my head and starting to write my post I received a text from Jason...just saying 'I love you'. It was not shocking to receive it as we say that all the time.  But at 9:30 in the morning...while we are both at work....when we texted at 7am this morning....not expected.  Turns out he and the guy he was scheduled to be with today were driving and the other guy (mid 40's maybe a year or two older than me) turned white...clutched his chest and started to have difficulty breathing and talking.   The guy refused 911 and Jason drove like the wind to take him to the hospital which is where he was texting me from. Immediately I thought about what if that was Jason and I hadn't said I love you that extra time....I immediately told him (and he said that's why he texted me because it made us realize how fragile life really can be and he wanted to tell me the same!!).    I don't have any updated news on his co-worker....but I'm going to say no news is good news.  

So why am I writing about this?   While  I don't yet know what happened to this co-worker, with the symptoms I have my suspicions.  And what a huge reminder about how important it is to take steps to eat right  and  to live an active and healthy lifestyle!!!!

You know what?   Those cookies still sound good....but they are suddenly my no longer as tempting!!!!!!

Get busy Living or Get busy Dying

Christmas is over......that means celebrations are over...at least for me!!!

A small collage of my day. (Emphasis on food...the relaxing in the living room was too boring to take a picture if)

So Chrismas is over......No more snacks at work (they will be there I'm sure but I will not be indulging).  No more continual desserts being made in my kitchen (cookies, cobbler, fried bananas, ice cream, etc etc etc).  I'm not waiting for the new year....it's happening NOW.

I recently read the book I'd like to apologize to Every Teacher I Ever Had by Tony Danza.   I have to admit, I was somewhat skeptical when I picked up the book.  I had actually looked at the book for ages before anteing up the money to buy it. (and only did so when I received a gift certificate...I'm such a cheapskate!)  I'm glad that I finally did pick up the book.  It was an emotional read for me.  The circumstances were a bit different (he was teaching high school and only one class where as I was teaching elementary school and was inundated with children all day long) but his stories and his experience resonated within me.  I was nodding my head along with his memories and experiences.  But even more importantly, for the first time in a long long time I felt the excitement of education and the feelings that had initially drawn me to that profession.   Was it enough to draw me back to teaching?   No....can't say it is at this time...but I will admit that the thought crossed my mind for a fleeting moment.  But as soon as that did, sanity was reclaimed....memories of teaching and knowledge of how schools are run now were enough to return myself to a state of sanity!!

But reading this book made me look deeply at myself.  It made me look deeply at where I stand (ha....as if I don't do that enough in December with the new year upon me and with my birthday year ending) in life.  The teaching thing has stood  in my life as a huge failure for 13 long years.  My ultimate dream growing up was to have a child......I got married and thought that my husband was on board with the same goal and desire...but after marriage his behavior and tone changed and now at forty-one I have to realize that I failed with that dream.  Fail!  My career (if you can even call it that...I have a job...it's not a career) is a big fat FAIL. (yeah, if you knew how much I got paid you'd agree!)  FAIL!!!!   My marriage......it's been a lot of fails.  I've lost the weight once and regained....fail.  I was losing this year..but stopped and actually started regaining....Fail.  Fail...fail...fail...fail.   It has seemed to be a common occurrence in my life.  FAIL!

However, this book by Tony Danza made me realize that picking myself up out of the ashes is where success is.  No, that was not the premise of the book.  But while I was being awed by the return of those idealistic feelings that I thought were gone....I was seeing the common theme that he was trying to push upon the kids in the book.  What was that common thought?   In my words.....basically that life is crappy sometimes.  Face it...it is....heartbreaking sometimes.   But success is  overcoming the adversarial stuff and succeeding in life.  It's continuing in school even when you are raised in an environment where education is not respected and encouraged.  Success is rising form the ashes of my failures and living a happy well adjusted life.  Success is pushing through the bad and coming out on top..successful and happy.  Winning is taking ourselves and using opportunities, experiences and just life and using it to push us to a better future.  If we sit back and allow life.....we will fail.

As if the book wasn't enough to open my eyes.....I stumbled upon a blog.  It was cowritten by a couple in their mid thirties.  They moved cross country....they bought their first house.....they remodeled that dream house...and literally as they moved into their house the husband was diagnosed with cancer.  The blog continued to chronicle their lives...but it also chornicled the two year fight and eventual death (as in he died within the last two days).  It was a heart wrenching read through this blog (and yes, very voyeuristic) but through it all, even as this gal watched her husband die....even while she's crying out her frustrations, she is holding her head up and carrying on...accepting life and being as upbeat as possible.  Makes my problems look minor...and makes me say "if she can go through that with grace and an upbeat attitude.......I can face my life the same way."

I don't know how to not dwell on these things that I deem failure.  It's incredibly difficult to not be saddened when I see my friends having children.  It's incredibly difficult to hold my head up and smile when my husband and I are going through one of our recurring rough spots.  It's HARD.   But in the words of Westley (the Man in Black)  in the Movie Princess Bride said.  'Life is pain, highness.  Anyone who says differently is trying to sell you something.'    And I just have to TRY.

I need to CHOOSE to be happy!  I need to CHOSE to live my life to the fullest within the confines that has brought me to this exact place.  I'm here for a reason.  I may not like the results of being overweight (ok, i'm still actually obese) but I'm here for a reason.  I may not like being childless...but for whatever reason....that is how I find myself.  I need to find joy in that state (and my niece and nephews certainly help that cause..they are awesome!).   Accept life for what it is!

And as if those previous eye openers weren't enough....(yeah seriously).  Today I was out running. (Yeah, I went running on Christmas morning) I heard the song Try from Pink......tell me these lyrics are not perfect for me!

Where there is desire

There is gonna be a flame

Where there is a flame

Someone's bound to get burned

But just because it burns

Doesn't mean you're gonna die

You've gotta get up and try try try

Gotta get up and try try try

You gotta get up and try try try

When I accept life and stop wallowing in the negative....I have a feeling that the weight will be much easier to lose....simple because I will feel like I DESERVE to be thin!

Although, in my mind I DO know that I deserve to be thin not matter what!  So right now.....In the words of  Red...played by Morgan Freeman in the movie Shawshenk Redemption.....IIt's time for me to "gett busy living or get busy dying.'     First thing up....the weight will come off and while I'm doing it....I'm choosing to be HAPPY!

Soooo...I actually made a committment to run a trilogy of 5k's...virtually...it's hosted by DVFfitness.com.  The first was on Thanksgiving....I did the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving day.  One down...two to do.  Today is Christmas and that meant number two was upon me.  I got out early.  I was the only person out on the battlefield this morning at 9AM.  It was cold.  I was TEMPTED to cheat and do just two miles.  But I knew that I would only be cheating myself.  I did the WHOLE thing...and then some!  Second 5k of the trilogy done!   One more to go!!!!!

Moving on

Day one is in the books.  Tracked, exercised, drank my water and I feel good.  I didn't weigh myself this morning, but I'm not overly concerned about my weight today.  It's the weekly weight that concerns me!  :-)  Moving on to day two.  My food for the day is already in my tracker.  My exercise is already planned.  I should be good to go!

I'm starting to think about goals and rewards for myself as I drop the weight.  So far I've come up with a massage and a pedicure.  The thing is.....I don't have a lot of extra money...so my rewards have to be rather low budget.  :-)   Thinking...thinking...thinking.  I was originally thinking about rewarding myself every 10 pounds.  But maybe I'll do every 25 for a monetary reward.  :-)  Yes....I think that sounds great!  Decisions decisions.  :-)  I will get them up and posted on a page here today at some point. 

This is no longer a thing of I want. It's a thing of I NEED!

The Odd Couple

I have once again recommitted.  There are 10 weeks until Christmas.  I am committed to losing 15 pounds in those 10 weeks.  I thought that was a good goal.  Doable.  I am tracking.  I am watching.  I am committed to exercise at LEAST 3 times a week.  I can't go on this path.  It only leads to destruction.  It leads to the destruction of my body but it also leads to the destruction of my mind.  It is not a healthy place for me to be mentally and I refuse to live that way any longer.  Todd and I have a 4 day weekend upcoming.  Will it be difficult to do this and eat out so much?  Absolutely.  Can I do it?   Absolutely.  The first and easiest change that I plan on making at restaurants?   Water with lemon please.....instead of a diet soda.  I'm not knocking diet soda but seriously, it's not what my body needs.  Plus...they charge like 2 bucks for those things...so if I don't get a diet soda for breakfast, lunch and dinner (not that we would eat out all three meals all four days...but for the sake of argument, lets say that we do) that 6 bucks a day  6 times 4 is twenty four bucks!  That's a breakfast out!  That's a souvenir or an extra museum....all because I gave up something that I really don't need!   The other thing.  yeah, we do go to breakfast...do I REALLY need three honkin' big pancakes?  No, one pancake is sufficient.  If I order the three that is a typical order at a restaurant,  I eat them.....but I don't need them.  I order one and I'm satisfied....so by ordering ONE, I order what my body NEEDS and oh oh oh...I saved more money!  :-)

So I was talking to a friend about my issues.  She has tried to lose weight but she went into a bad realm.  She stopped eating all together.  TO the point that she became deathly ill.  Eating to her almost turns her stomach.  She doesn't want to eat.  It is a chore for her.  She's afraid if she starts to eat that she will start to regain.  She struggles to get enough calories.  SOOOOO  she and I have paired up.  Me, encouraging her to EAT...her encouraging me to NOT eat.  We are both tracking on myfitnesspal.com.  Her to make sure that she IS getting enough calories (and also for her ease of mind so that she knows that she is not eating too much...because yes, anorexia is a mental disease in the mind all centered around weight..and she isn't yet at her goal, she figured out this anorexic behavior before she lost all her weight....so she has to try to lose the last 25 of her pounds in a HEALTHY manner) and me to make sure that I'm not eating too many calories (and to ensure that I'm not error in the side of not eating enough).  It's an odd match.  It's a very odd match, but you know what?  It may work.

I have also reinstituted the daily emails to my three friends Julie, Donna and Sherry!   Thanks gals...YOU ROCK!

New Start

Ok...this is crazy...todays post is a new start..and that is the name of my blog. Oh well, it can't be helped. As I'm sure is easy to pick up in recent entries, but I've been doign a lot of introspection with regards to my diet and eating lifestyle. I've slowed down with the weight loss in the last few months....quite honestly since Thanksgiving. And that's not a bad thing...I've lost about 6-8 pounds in the last two months...which isn't anything to sneeze about. HOWEVER, I feel like I've worked the program and those results don't match with someone that is really working the program. SOOO, I've looked and I've discovered that I have become complacent with the program....I've become complacent with my workouts...often chosing the easy workout that I keep for those days where I am literally wiped out. The problem...I started doing that easy one EVERY DAY! I've decided to commit to renew myself and make a fresh start! I've been sitting on the fence! No more! I want this so badly....it is now a matter of mind over matter!

Weigh In Results

Ok, I'm up 2.2 pounds. I want to scream in frustration. However, I refuse to. I know I did it to myself. I didn't watch what I was eating.....I didn't watch portion sizes....and thereby, I didn't journal. I am 100% at fault!

I'm recommitted though. I have done pretty good thus far today. I actually will have enough for a Weight Watchers fudge bar. Yes,I've had stuff like that in the past week...however I never had the points for it. Today, I actually have the points to really allow to eat it! So, I'm not doing too badly. AND, my water intake is where it needs to be today!

Long time in coming

As has been shown in the recent, distantly spaced entries; I haven't been doing good. I KNEW what I needed to do, however my will power was totally gone. In doing that, I had no desire to write in this journal. In fact, this journal was something I didn't even think about! That's not good. It shows me how far from my plan I really was! Every once in a while I would think about losing weight...and I would wake up every morning with the good intentioned plan to 'do it', however as soon as something bad passed my lips (doughnuts, cake, etc etc etc) I gave up and made the vow that "tomorrow I would start".

A bad thing occured during this same slump. Summer came and with the garden (planting, weeding and harvesting....berries also) and my new job, it became much more difficult to go to the gym.

Thoughout that period of diet sluggishness I was maintaining my weight loss. That made me happy even throughout my disappointment in not losing more. We had a weigh in for the group of us that are trying to lose weight together. (However this group is not big on encouragement...basically we have a weigh in every few months......well, take that back...Suzy and I do a lot of encouragement) About a month ago we had our last weigh in. I weighed in at 221. I knew that this was very close to where I was about two months previously at that weigh in so I was happy. I didn't weigh myself for a few weeks. About a week and a half ago I weighed myself....I was up. I was up consistently for a few days. I also noted that I felt bloated and fat. It really scared me! SOOOOO This week, I've actually gotten off my butt. I've been on my bike every day this week. I've been watching what I eat. Within 3-4 days I have lost that bloated fat feeling...for the most part (as much as possible for someone that is overweight!) So I'm back on task. Now, to just stay there!

Starting Again

Well let me tell you. Once you fall off the bandwagon, it isn't easy to pick it back up. I'm determined to do it though! I said this yesterday morning and just didn't do it. In fact, I was craving potato chips...and I'm almost too ashamed to say it...but ate the whole bag. NO, not an individual serving size...the WHOLE BIG bag of chips. Man, did they ever taste good...but I can't do that! I know it was a mental war within myself. I knew I shouldn't be eating the chips...but I was battling inside my head, "just one more". I would eat that one more...and already, before I could even close the bag, my mind was saying "only a handful more". I was no match for this mental game! I caved......oh boy did I cave!

Today, I'm not doing soo bad. The only problem is that since I've been eating the bad things....my body is wanting those bad things. I rarely suffer from cravings....but boy oh boy I'm suffering now!

But, I've got to regain my control and start again. I didn't make my end of month goal...and in fact lost a little ground over the last week (well, maybe not, I'm still within that, 'it's ok it could be water retention weight range).

I just need to use this week as a lesson to help me in future times of difficulty!