Hitting the Wall

 

And it hits.   The wall. 

 

I signed up for personal training about a month ago.  I was gung ho.  I was totally into it.  I vowed to give this my everything.   I wasn’t sure if it would work, but I was going to follow through and at least try.

 

It’s hard.   It’s real hard.

 

My arm has not gotten better.   Trainer dude told me to stretch it.  I have done so.  It still hurts!   I can see mobility is sometimes iffy.    On Saturday I was in my Zumba class and we were doing a song with all arm work and I actually did half of the song with only one arm.  I knew that I had a full day of work at home and I honestly knew something was going to have to be sacrificed.   The Zumba song was heavily modified so that I could still move my arm later that day. So yeah…..not feeling all that much relief from the stretching.  Admittedly, the stretching seems to help at the moment, but the pain comes back with a vengeance…maybe even a bit worse afterward. 

 

The arm thing makes me want to quit!  Big time.

 

Trainer dude is ok.   I have listened to his advice and his comments and I have followed them.  But I am questioning the cost that I am paying and the value that I am receiving.

 

Why?  Well let me list the reasons.  (And let me say that he came highly recommended by some of the gals in my Zumba class.)

 

1. Trainer dude ‘forgot’ to put my ‘in between’ workouts…my ‘homework’ into the system.  So the first week went by and the workouts that he wanted me to do never appeared.   We had our second session and boom…..he knew that there was nothing there and said that he would have them in there shortly.    I was muddling through my OWN workout on Wednesday when he walked up to me to say hi…….I pointed out that they weren’t uploaded yet.  10 minutes later he got them uploaded.  He claims it was  system glitch and he did it…believe what you want.   Let me also say that this is not the only time that he has said, “I’ll do such and such and you’ll have a message in a day or two”….and I hear crickets and have to reach out to him or wait until my next session.
2. I don’t think he is listening well.   He wants me eating 1600 calories…..I have NEVER been able to lose at 1600….even when I was really active. I mentioned it to him and he brushed me aside.   He did say that month one would not be a month of losing but that it would pay off in month two onward.  I feel as if he is giving me his rote answer…..telling me the calories that his software said that I need to eat and there wasn’t a lot of back and forth.  His way or the highway.  And honestly, I would LOVE to be able to eat at the 1600 mark.   SOOOO…it’s month two.  I’m waiting! 
3. The arm thing.   I mentioned this issue that I have had in the past with my arm.  When it happened, he didn’t do anything to adjust my workout …..other than I lowered my weights and then still struggled with it.  So, whatever caused it is still out there lurking in the shadows.  (In fairness, when I told him that it was bothering me, he offered to cancel the session and send me home……but he had already postponed the session once….and I knew that he had cancelled the next TWO sessions because he was going to be out of town.)
4. Yes, let’s talk about his vacay.   Everyone needs a vacation…. but when we started looking at make-up sessions his schedule and mine don’t mesh…only on the weekend.  So, I am down two sessions. Who knows if I just lost them or if we will ever make them up.  (And quite frankly at this moment, if we don’t make them up, I am not worried about the loss of his supposed knowledge….and only about the $72 I paid for that hour!
5. Oh yes, let’s talk about the hour.   My last session…which he cancelled /postponed until the end of his day (He stayed late to get my session in that day…. ruined my day but well…. I needed to get it done because of the whole vacay thing and I didn’t want to be down three sessions).    We started the workout …and we had run through my workout….and he ‘released me’ as done after about 40 minutes.   Hmmm…. but I paid for 60 minutes.  (in fairness, the other two sessions were the full hour)
6. The workouts, let’s talk about them.   There are circuit machines/area at the gym.   I am basically doing a circuit. Broken down into legs, push, pull.  Three different workouts.   I leave the circuit area once or twice in all my workouts.   I am doing what I did myself all those years ago when I was going to the gym and doing the circuit workouts.   I am paying him to tell me to do what I have previously done on my own. During my training sessions with trainer dude he is basically just standing beside the machine and counting my reps.   ($72 bucks worth of counting apparently) What’s wrong with this picture? 
7. I have not seen one smidge of progress with my mobility….yet.   It’s month two, shouldn’t I be seeing progress?

So let me give credit where credit is due.  I had been going to the gym for a few months before I decided to bite the bullet and sign up for a personal trainer.  In that two months I had been to the gym 3-4 times a week.   The first night I went in and asked at the counter “where is the Zumba being held?”.   They pointed me to the area I needed to go and I went.   And that is what I have done.  I check in and walk back to the fitness room ….when Zumba is done, I tuck my head and walk out of the gym.  I have not investigated.  I go to my class and that was it.   The trainer made me a bit more comfortable in the gym.  I at least know where the circuit area is.   (Ok, I have been all over the gym now.)  It got me comfortable enough to actually go and use the circuit of machines.  For that, I am happy and thankful.

 

I don't want to quit on something though.   So I'm riding this thing out.....and I will continue to go......remaining hopeful that something will change!

 

But long term?  What will happen with trainer dude?   The jury is still out.   Right now I am leaning toward giving my notice at the 2 month mark… (I need to give a 1 month notice….and I am committed for three months)   As I said to a friend last night, “He has a few more weeks to prove his worth, but right now I am not seeing a $72 value.”

An Expensive Egg

 In early April we made a decision.   It has been a bit pricey, but it has been fun.  Everything also has said that we will recoup some of our expenditures.   But well, it's just been an outlay of money.  But like I said, it gives us entertainment.  

The Background

Jason loves animals.   He would have one of everything if he could.   Literally.   One day he will walk by our shed and turn to me and say,  " I've always wanted a donkey. We could put a donkey in this shed and in the front field"    But the next time we walk by together he will say,  (and I quote) "I think this shed/barn would be perfect for an Alpaca."   But we have also had a discussion about how it would be really cool to turn the barn into a rescue sanctuary for birds of prey.   And lets not forget the statement "I want an owl!" or  the next week, "Sugar gliders!  I've always wanted one!"   

  It is a common occurrence to have him come home from work to tell a story about an animal that he saw and got to interact with as he goes into houses as an appliance repairman.  I hear about birds, snakes, dogs, cats...you name it.  I even hear stories such as this one, "MaryFran, I was eating my lunch in my van and a baby squirrel fell out of a tree.  It laid there and I watched and let me tell you, if mamma squirrel didn't come back, I was bringing that squirrel home because I've always wanted a squirrel for a  pet."  Mamma squirrel did come back that day, so I was spared.  But you get the point.  The man loves animals.  

Chickens

In early April we were having a conversation and we decided to go ahead with adding chickens to our life.  I had thought about it for years (even before I was with Jason) and well, you know Jason had thought about it quite a bit simply because it's an animal!      We took the leap and got 4 baby chicks.   And those chicks resided in my family room for weeks upon weeks.  They were the most coddled and loved chicks for sure.  

While they were growing.....in my family room, Jason and I had to get something ready because why yes, we bought chicks before we even had a chicken coop!   A chunk of change later and we were the proud owners of a chicken coop and chicken run that resided in our yard. It took a while for Jason to feel comfortable for the chickens to actually spend the night in the coop (remember, these chickens are coddled and much loved.)  But eventually they did move to the coop and they have been in the coop and outside now for about 2 or 3 months now.  Still growing, still acting crazy and still costing us money....because the money outlay didn't end after the cost of the coop.  They need food, and treats and bedding for the coop.  They even got an electric fence around the coop to protect them.  

The Dog

Side story.  Zoey loved the chickens when they were inside.  And she continued to love them when they moved outside. She had no problem going into the pen with these wee little babies (they were still wee little when we took them outside).  It was honestly adorable to see our big dog intrigued and fascinated with the chickens.  But a few weeks after we put up the fence she got zapped.   Somehow in her dog brain, she has decided that the chickens are what caused her to get zapped.   Therefore, she is now petrified of the chickens...and barely tolerates being in the backyard with them.    Big sissy!

The chickens

SO the chickens have been outside for a few months, costing us money.  But we have been talking about how we should be getting close to them starting to lay eggs. I have laughed about the fact that Jason has a work convention that he is going to and the chickens would most likely start laying while he is gone, meaning he would miss his first egg.  I even laughed and said, "I'll put a store bought egg in the coop and tell you they laid while you were gone just for a laugh."    But that trip isn't until next month.

So two nights ago I was making dinner and looked out the door to the backyard.   The dog was cowering as far away from the chicken coop as possible and Jason was tending the chickens inside the electric fence. I stepped onto the back porch and innocently asked "have you been checking the nesting boxes regularly in case they start laying."     

Jason grinned and turned around and walked back to the nesting box.  He opened it up and then looked at me and said, "ha ha ha, you put an egg in there."    

Dumbfounded I  said,  "Is there an egg in there?"  He just started to laugh so I assumed he was teasing me.  I continued,  "No, I wouldn't do that, but it would be funny if I did.  Maybe I should do that some day soon."   

We laughed a bit and Jason went about continuing to clean the coop and pen while I stood out there talking to him.   All of a sudden he turned to me and said, "Seriously though, how long ago did you put that egg in there, so I know what to do with it."  

"What?"

Yes, one of our chickens laid an egg!    

It is the most expensive egg!   Coop + Run + Electric fence + food + bedding + Treats = 1 egg

Last night I let the chickens out and I peeked into the nesting box.   We had another one!   But those two eggs are STILL expensive.  hahaha.  :-)

We are pretty sure that it is  one or both of the gray chickens....or as I call them, one of the Millies (Millicent or Mildred).    The Black Jersey Giants are the same age, but they mature more slowly and usually take 1-2 months longer than the others to start laying.  But no fear, I am sure the jersey Giants (Esmeralda and Gertrude) will join in the fun soon.  

 But yeah, the chickens are laying!!!! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Accountability

I talked the other day about my plan....my challenge....what in the world was I talking about.  I realized after I hit post that I just dropped that one into the mix out of no where.   So lets talk about it

  When I was on my little mini vacation I went to visit my friend Linda in Indiana.  While in Indiana I got to go a few hours south of Indianapolis to visit my friend Julie.  

Julie and I have been friends for about 26 years. (Seriously, that number hurt to write...not because we have been friends that long but because how can I be that old!)  Julie was actually a bridesmaid during my first wedding.    

 

 This was right before we walked down the aisle...and I was apparently leaning back to relax and trying to not wrinkle my dress!   Julie is the gal closest to me!

Julie and I don't live close to each other, but we have stayed in contact through email and whatnot relatively consistently over the years.   When I lost the weight the first time, Julie was doing the same thing 8 hours to the east of me.   We walked through it together....from a distance. 

 

So when we saw each other we naturally talked about where we were in terms of our health.  (She had regained also),    SO I proposed an accountability partnership.  We would text each other daily to talk about our progress and if we met the goals of the day or if we had failed miserably.  We have done pretty good....except for this past week.  

We each have different goals....tailored for our own needs and our own circumstances.  (For example, she has an apple watch and her goals center around closing the rings.  I don't have an apple watch and use Garmin....so my goals are different)

 My goals: 

1.  I am aiming for 5 fruits and veggies a day.  I am aiming to be healthy.  Eating nutritious food is a big part of that.  Sure I want to lose weight too...but being healthy is the MAIN goal.

2.    I am trying to get 64 ounces of water a day.  Once again....a goal that is healthy!

3.  Exercise at least 3 times for the week!      When I set this goal I was thinking that I could TYPICALLY do three zumba classes a week and the week that I work Saturday I could slip something else in.   Then I got a personal trainer and if I do what I'm supposed to, I get TONS more than 3......

4.  Track my food....even if it's ugly.    Tracking tends to help me clean up my eating.  It is different when you have to actually have to look at it in writing!

 

Julie and I may struggle with tough love.  When one of us has a bad day we encourage and say "it's ok"  ..there is no tough love.  But you know what, knowing I have to tell her sometimes keeps me on the straight and narrow! 

  

 

Excuses

I started the week feeling strong.  I had a plan and I was going to slay the week.   That is not what happened!   

 My shoulder/arm hurt!

It was  birthday week at work (two birthdays) and at home (one birthday)!

We were super short staffed at work!

I had to work late!

I was tired!

Yeah, yeah yeah, they were all excuses that I had this week!  

 It was a crazy week for sure.  I was supposed to have jury duty on Monday.  But on Sunday night when I called, I was excused.   That turns out to be a good thing because on Monday we had one person out on PTO and two people called in sick.  Had I still had to go to the courthouse for jury duty, there would have only been two people at work.  Uhhhh you can't operate with only two people.   Three is bad enough, but at least doable.   I ended up working open to close on Monday.  That totally threw my plans to get off work early, finish prepping dinner and then getting to the gym by 5 for my strength workout followed by an hour of zumba.  Kinda hard to do all of that when you don't get off work until 5:15. (and work 20 minutes from home)   I did make it to zumba at 6:30........barely. 

Tuesday, I could barely function I was so tired.  So of COURSE I didn't go to the gym to make up that strength training session that missed the day before.  

Wednesday, my excuse was that I was busy....busy making a birthday cake for Jason.  And maybe reading.

I made it to not other zumba class.   (Saturday zumba wasn't my fault though...I had to work!) 

 

But Yeah....you get the point!

Furthermore,I have  plan/challenge that I have been working on since my little 'mini vacation' went by the wayside......what went wrong?

1.  I am aiming for 5 fruits and veggies a day.........I was lucky to get 1 serving each day this past week!

2.    I am trying to get 64 ounces of water a day...........does diet soda count as water?   (It should, however I don't count it as water.....)  SO yeah, I drank a lot of soda this week!

3.  Exercise at least 3 times for the week?   I got in one.......that Monday night zumba class! 

4.  Track my food....even if it's ugly.    Yeah, that didn't happen!

It was bad.  I know it.

I can't even say that today will be better.   We are heading to Jason's parents house for his birthday lunch with them.  There will be food.  There will be cake.  ARRRGGGHHHH

The plan though is to get in cardio and strength this morning at the gym.   And tomorrow.....back to tracking...back to counting water.   Back to the basics.

 One of these 'restarts' will stick right? 

Two steps back

 Training is going well.  For the most part.  I am still exhausted.  I’m still sore a lot of the time.  I’m still occasionally  taking advil to knock the edge of the soreness off at night so that I can sleep.  I’m still not giving up.  But seriously, it feels like I take one step forward and two steps back!

 

But, there has arose a problem or two.  

 

The first thing is my knees.  I have mentioned them in the last few posts….and the trainer dude and I are really trying to attack the knee issue.  Right now my worst knee is my left one.  That is the one that just aches and aches. (Ok, hurts and hurts….cuz it’s not exactly an ache, it’s a little more intense.)   But yesterday at work I made the situation worse.   I was in my office with a client and had to walk out to complete a task for the client.  I came back into my office and sat down on my chair.  I scooted my chair in so that I was in position to continue my work with the client and WHACK….I rammed my GOOD knee into the drawers of the desk.  OH.MY.WORD!   It was bad.  Tears coming out of my eyes bad.   Take your breath away bad.  I laid my head down on my desk (forehead) and tried to regain my senses.   The poor client was an elderly man and he was so nice.  When I finally lifted my head and tried to get back to business, he kept saying “Take all the time you need.”   I managed with him….and for the rest of the day.  But lets just say that it’s been 24 hours and that knee still hurts!  (Let me also say that I didn’t let it get to me last night and I STILL went to Zumba, but did have to tone it down a wee bit!)

 

I didn’t make it to do my planned strength workout last night.  It really wasn’t m fault though.   We had one person out on PTO and two people called out sick.  I stayed to help close…..and then we had to pick up the car from the mechanics shop….and well, I had just enough time to get to my Zumba class.  

 

Ohhh the car?   It died on me on Saturday.   Luckily it was just a battery issue.  So my baby has a new battery and fresh oil!

 

So last week I completed my scheduled workouts.  I have three workouts to do each week. Push day,  Legs day, and pull day.   Push and pull days are both pretty much upper body.   No worries. I had it!  I was sore after the fact, but not worrisome.  I expected to be sore.  It wasn’t under I was in the shower on Friday morningwhen I realized that something was wrong.  I went to wash my hair and brought both hands up to my head to massage the soap into my hair.   The left arm was GREAT!  No soreness!  I had recovered.  The RIGHT arm however.  OUCH!  It hurt worse than it had all week!  Furthermore, I struggled to actually move the right arm up above and behind my head.  NOT COOL!   I wasn’t recovering, I was getting worse!

 

Years ago, I had something similar that happened.  (May 6, 2019 post )  It started out as a pain reminiscent of muscle pain, just a twinge here or there when I stretched (like to reach a top shelf in he cabinet).   In 2019, it progressed to the point that I was in some serious pain, I had numbness even down to my fingers and I had lost almost all range of motion in that arm….my dominant arm.    I ended up going to an urgent care and they told me it was a pinched nerve that was affecting everything.  The gave me RX strength Advil and muscle relaxers.   The meds took the edge off and it slowly got better….somehow, someway.

 

So when I noticed this pain in the shower this past Friday I knew that it was most likely the same issue.  What to do…what to do.   On Saturday, I was scheduled for a leg day at the gym.  Perfect!  Legs wouldn’t affect my shoulder.   When I don’t work on Saturdays, I go to a Zumba class…..I went and did that.  And made it through somewhat ok.  On Sunday I had my session with the personal trainer.  I talked to him immediately about it……and we started my workout.  It was a ‘push’ day.  So arms.  JOY JOY.     The discrepancy between my arms was CRAZY.  Where my dominant arm just a few days earlier was the strong one, now it was the weak link.  Furthermore, the amounts that I could lift diminished (not that it was anything fabulous previously, but still!).   YIKES!  I literally went backwards!   The pain in my bicep was no fun at all!

 

The trainer worked with me and he watched like a hawk.   A few exercises in he looked at me and said “it’s not your bicep, it’s your shoulder that is the issue.”  

 

Soooooooo……we spent some time with him showing me some movements to help with stretching and mobility and movement of the shoulder.  And they are things I can do at home!  So here we go, lets get this arm fixed and back on the forward progression!

 

I have about 2 weeks until my next trainer session as he is going on vacation….so hopefully I will be back to normal by the time he returns.  In the meantime, I’ll be getting in as many training sessions as possible, even if the arms may be a less weight than they were capable of last week!

Fake it Till you Make it

 

The personal training experience has worked to make me realize something about myself.  In all honesty, it wasn’t a pleasant discovery.  It was sobering.  It is sad.  It is plan and simple embarrassing.

 

I talked about it a bit the other day when I was giving a run down of my personal training experience.  I wrote how I realized that I am ashamed to even be in the gym “pretending’. To be fit and using the machines.  While I am there, I am honestly trying to make myself unobtrusive and unnoticeable.  I keep my eyes down.  I am trying to shrink out of sight.

 

How sad is that?

 

I used to not be that way.  Years ago when I was going to the gym, I went in boldy.I used the machines.  I felt like I belonged.  I had no shame.  And I was the same weight if not even more than I currently weigh now.  Yet, I find myself embarrassed, shy and awkward. 

I don’t like this me, this lack of self confidence.

 

My assumption about this absolute lack of confidence has a couple facets.  One, before I lost the weight the first time, I was happy and secure in who I was.  I actually didn’t feel fat.  I didn’t even feel overweight.  I felt normal.  But then I lost weight and realized that I had been fat all along.  Thing felt fantastic and I loved it. But when I gained weight, I suddenly realized how bad fat really felt.  (You see, before it was just normal…I thought everyone felt that way.  It wasn’t until I felt how thin felt that I realized how bad it had been.)  And let me tell you.  I didn’t like how fat felt when I regained.  And furthermore, it embarrasses me.

 

The whole world sees my failure!

 

The second facet is the fact that in no way am I the same person.  I have lost dreams.  I have gone through heartache.  It is a confidence killer to have a husband that shows no interest you as a physical human….yet that is what I went through in my first marriage.  It is confidence busing to have your spouse cheat on you behind your back…..yet I lived through that too in that first marriage.  Granted, it is years ago, but those hurts are still buried deep inside me.

 

Irregardless of the reason, my confidence is nonexistent.  It makes my gym visits extremely uncomfortable for me.  Luckily with my Zumba classes, I feel uncomfortable walking in…but once I get into my room where the class is held I feel free and at home.  But the actual gym area…uncomfortable. 

 

Uncomfortable is no Excuse

 

I am not letting my confidence issues derail me.  I wear a hat (which I always used to do when I ran anyway….keeps the sweat from dripping out of control into my eyes).  I let the brim of my ball cap ‘hide’ me.  Silly, I now, cuz I’m not hidden at all…but it protects my mind.      I do my workout and push through the discomfort.  And even with the brim of my hat pulled low, I have noticed that I am NOT the largest person there.  I am also not the person lifting the lowest weights.  Not that that matters….we all start somewhere.  But it does help me to know that I am not the only one in my fitness shape and physical size.  (And probably helps them too I imagine.)   But not matter what, I am not giving up……I’ll go no matter if I am comfortable or not!

 

As for the confidence?   Well…..I”m going to fake it until I make it!

 

 

An Open Book or Not

 

This personal training thing has been an eye opener for me.  I have made some discoveries about myself and it’s not just in how weak I have let my muscles and body get.   The personal trainer dude at the very beginning talked my food.  Which while I don’t like to admit it, I know it’s important.  Weight is lost in the kitchen, not the gym.  So I was happy to know that he wasn’t all ‘it’s the gym only’.   However, I had a few issues.

 

The first issue that I had is that he wants me to eat closer to 1600 calories.  I usually aim for 1400 or less.  (When counting WW points I am usually right at around 1200-1300 calories).   The thing is…..usually anything over 1400 and I don’t lose weight.  So I told him that.  He actually said “Yeah, you are not going to lose weight at 1600 with your current status”   He went on to say that he actually doesn’t expect me to lose weight during the first month.  But after the first month, those muscles should get to working overtime and I should start burning fat at the 1600 calorie mark. 

 

SO with fear and trepidation, I have upped my calorie intake.  Time will tell.  Thus far, I have not lost….but I haven’t gained.  I am fluctuating within a 3-4 pound range. 

 

The second thing he said was that he wants my protein intake to be over 100 grams.  Yikes, because let me be honest…protein consumption is difficult for me.  I don’t like a whole lot of meat…or meat substitutes.  Ironically, I had started using a protein drink a month or two before signing up for personal training.  That extra protein shake got me up to about 60 grams a day.  Still shy…..I am totally committee to this personal raining thing (seriously, for the price I am paying, I’m committed.)  SO I am working on that.  I am still doing the protein drink…but I am also making a smoothie each morning.  That gives me two servings of fruit and I use another premier protein drink which give me 30 more grams of protein.  So I am working on it.

 

 

The third thing actually should have been the easiest but it actually was one of the hardest for me.  And let me tell you, it was shocking.  You see, I have been tracking my food for years.  On my fitnesspal I have been tracking for 18 years (I had to go back and look).   I have shared my username and invited people to look and be accountable with me.  (If you are interested, my username is mfclingan).   I have been an open book.  I share and it’s no problem.  It’s been public knowledge!  In fact, I’ve even shared my food intake at one time or another here!  So why in the world did opening up my apps to the trainer freak me out???

 

I didn’t really have an issue with sharing my stats from my watch.    Sure, I had a momentary thought that ‘trainer dude’ was gonna see my pitiful steps.  But that was only a moment’s pause.  Seriously, he already knew how bad it was just from looking at me.  And if somehow he still didn’t get it, he would get it as soon as we had our first training session together.  So I linked that account to the trainer app.   Done.

But then it came time to share the myfitnesspal app.  No problem right?   Ohh yeah, there was a problem.  I don’t know what happened, but I cringed!   And I couldn’t understand it.  I mean, I try to be as honest as possible with my food and tracking.  So it wasn’t like I was ‘closet eating’.  But I was really struggling with sharing my app with the trainer dude.   WHY?

 

 

Was I not being honest with myself?

Was I afraid he was going to freak out if I ate one bad thing?

 

What was my fear?

 

I am still not sure.  I do think that while I say that I am brutally honest, that there probably are a few things that I do maybe fudge a bit in my favor.  Do I really count each squirt of ketchup?  NOPE.  Do I really measure out exactly how much pasta I put on my dish?  NOPE.  So yeah, maybe I’m not as honest.  Was I afraid that trainer dude was going to yell at me if I splurged on the weekend and had a piece of cake?  Or ate more than one slice of pizza?  Maybe.  But I have also told trainer dude that “I don’t eat pizza every day…..I don’t eat cake everyday….I refuse to give it up.”  I told him that if I am required to give it up that it wouldn’t be a sustainable change and that this is not a quick fix…this has to be a forever way that I can work.  He has listened…..probably gathering ammunition to try to get me to change my mind.  But I am firmly in the belief that 80% adherence is the way to go……  I don’t know why it freaked me out…..especially considering any one of you can go onto myfitnesspal and see it all anyway.

 

Food for thought though eh?   I opened it up and linked them though.  I’m all in on this venture!

Trainer Dude

Wait!  Hold the horses!  You mean I'm actually on here writing and it's only been 10 days between my last post and now?    What in the world!     It's gonna snow or something!  

Honestly though, I jest about it ONLY being a week and a half since my last post but that is still pretty lame to go that long.   As always, it's not because I don't want to.  It's not because I don't have anything to say. (When have I EVER not had something to say.)  It is plain and simple that I am so busy and so tired.

 Busy and Tired

OK, sometimes I don't rightly know why I am so busy.  It feels like I should have all the time in the world.  I mean, I do work at full time job.   Sure, last week my 40 hours stretched longer (not including the 20 minute drive both ways).   But still, that shouldn't take up all this time.   I am working on one or two writing projects....in my spare time. (So not too much in the last week.)   Sure I have animals to take care of.  But it just feels as if I am constantly on the go with no time for anything.  

Exacerbating the busy feeling is this overwhelming feeling of exhaustion.  I am just flat out tired.   I will be in the kitchen making dinner when Jason walks in the house and he takes one look at me and says "You look whupped'.   I can only agree.   There has been nights where I get home and I just cry. Not because of any issue.....but just because. (OK, so I cry spontaneously when I'm tired.....over anything and everything.   It's raining....well that might bring on tears.   I can't find the ketchup bottle in the fridge......tears.)  I've just been tired.

So why have I been so tired and so busy?   The gym.  I blame the gym.   Or to be more specific, I blame my harebrained idea to sign up with a personal trainer.    I told my trainer the other day that I truly believe that he must have been one of those kids that took a magnifying glass and burned ants for entertainment! 

 

 Nice enough guy.   And honestly, just doing his job.  He can't help it that I let my muscles disintegrate to nothing!  But still....he's sadistic!

Personal Trainer

As I said, he is a bit sadistic!    Literally.   We meet once a week and then he wants me to do 3 work outs between our sessions.   This past session I arrived and didn't have a water bottle.  I don't take it to the hour session.  I know me.  I'm not going to drink it during the session. (When I link my strength workout with zumba I definitely carry it...because that's a two hour window).  I used to rarely drink when I ran.....or when I went to zumba.  In fact, if I'm just going to zumba, I take water but I RARELY drink even a sip.  However, I do chug it when I'm done.   That is just what works for me!  (Yeah, I"m weird.....I don't deny it!)   So trainer dude was like, "where is your water".   I answered honestly and told him in my car....and reminded him that I wouldn't have drank it anyway and would have been a nuisance and if I got really desperate there was indeed a water fountain!.   He flat out told me that his mission that day was to make me regret not having my water bottle.  Ha.   (And nope, didn't regret it.......even though admittedly I was thirsty and downed like 40 ounces of water in the half hour or so after I got home.)   See, he is sadistic! 

 But......lets be honest.  I am SORE after the workouts.   He pushes really hard.  Pushed me on some machines to the point of failure.  He is finding out what my current limits are.  Because once he found that, when he assigned my workouts for the week, I am lifting just underneath that breaking point.  Fine by me because what's the use of lifting something so light that I is barely working.  I am paying an ungodly amount of money for this trainer dude......so lets get the most out of it!   But that pushing to the limit......seriously, Jason and I were out and about later in the day and I used the restroom while we were out and I told Jason when I came out.  "I almost had to tell a lady in there to go get my husband to help me get up off the toilet!"  I kid you not.. I was Sore!   I didn't even sleep well that night because every time I moved an inch in bed my muscles screamed out in freakish misery!  The next night I took an advil to allow me to get a good night sleep!

  

Trainer dude wants me eating 1600 calories.  Typically I don't lose weight at a calorie budget of 1600.  But I am listening to him and rolling with it.  He wants me to up my protein levels. (ARRRGGGHHH I struggle with protein!) .  And he has told me not to expect weight loss this first month.   

 The trainer dude wants me to do at least 3 strength sessions on my own each week along with at least 3-4 hours of cardio.   So I have been continuing my zumba classes (Yeah, lets be honest, that was non-negotiable for me anyway, I like my zumba classes!)  With the strength training, I may not push myself as hard as trainer dude does....but I am trying to push myself as hard as I can.  Why?   It's ungodly expensive and I need to make the most of it and not squander the time that I can afford to go.   (Ok, ungodly expensive may be too over dramatic.....but yeah, just shy of $300 a month for 1 one hour session a week......more than I really want to spend!)

That said, what are my thoughts right now after two trainer sessions?

*  I have flat out  told the trainer that has the three month commitment that I signed up for  to show me that it is worth the money!  He seems confident that the results will come easily. 

* I went into this trainer thing with the plan to be completely all in.  So during my initial meeting and first sessions I was very open with him.  I flat out told him my diminishing mobility and told him where I seem to be having the most issues.   Yeah, he would have eventually found the weak spots, but by me telling him up front we saved a lot of time and he was able to go right to the crux and start working on that.   It is the same concept of why I was OK with him pushing me to the point of failure each week.....it saves time and gets us to where my workouts NEED to be faster. 

* We are going after my weak spots.  So there is a lot of exercises to strengthen around my knees.  It has been beneficial to have him walk me through the exercises as I am like "oh yeah, the knee pain kicks in at this point"   So trainer dude usually can tell me to adjust the angle of my foot or leg or whatever and we try it again..usually with better results.    

* While I don't like the pain and soreness, I know it's necessary.....and in some weird way makes me proud of myself.

* Somewhere, somehow in the last 15 years since I used to go to the gym regularly, I have become embarrassed about myself and how far I've fallen.  When I used to go to the gym I marched in boldly and used the equipment and held my head high.   Yeah, I don't do that now.  That confidence is gone...and I didn't realize how badly it is tucked away and hidden (I refuse to believe it's gone) until this gym experience. 

 

So why am I tired?  I personally think it's a combination of two things.  One, on  top of the 3-4 hours of zumba I had been doing at the gym....I am now going an extra 4 hours a week.   That puts a dent in my daily schedule.  And secondly, I imagine my body is working overtime to repair and restore those muscles.  I'm giving it a few weeks and then we shall see how I feel!  Right now, I am just tired! So tired!

 

I Bit the Bullet

 I may have been MIA on here, but I have been busy and I have not been MIA in my thoughts and quest to get healthy and lose weight. 

 

Mini Vacation

I took a mini vacation to Indiana to see two friends.  It was a quick visit as I drove out, which kills the better part of two days. (It's an 8 hour drive).  But it was relaxing.  It was fun.  It was good to have chit chats with my friends.

We did a lot of just hanging out.   We did some shopping.  I went to a Miniature Dollhouse Museum.  We did a little hiking.  We took a boat ride in an underground cavern.  It was a good little way to unwind and just....be.  :-)

 The dollhouse museum was awesome.  I actually came out of there with a different perspective on dollhouses.   I have always been "None of my houses/rooms/scenes will have dolls". I have often thought that the doll detracts from the scene.  But then I saw this granddaddy of a house that they have.   The dolls MAKE the rooms.  It was crazy.  The dolls were telling little mini stories here and there.  Most of them were in some really neat action pose.  It was .....eye opening.  For example.  I sat (because yes, they have a bench in front of this dollhouse) and looked at the pool room for a bit as did my friend.  Later that evening we were sitting talking about the museum and she mentioned the pool room.  I laughed and said "Yeah, the guy doing he handstand in the water was so cool"   She looked at me weirdly and said, "no, I am talking about the pool with the guy jumping into the water".   We laughed and just assumed that there had been two pools and we were talking about different ones.  We moved on in our conversation.  BUT, the next day I had dumped my pictures on the computer and was really looking at them....and I just started to laugh.....

 OH yes, we HAD been looking at the same scene.  But there was so much activity and movement that we TOTALLY missed things.  In fact, it was like the second or third time I really looked at the picture that I noticed the little girl opening the door to reveal a naked woman!   And lets be honest.  I pulled the picture into this post and JUST happened to wonder what was there by the diving board. (It's a fallen planter......but my eyes were so busy looking that I didn't see it before!)

 So yeah, maybe I should rethink the doll thing!

Or we have the kitchen......

All I can say is....visually rich! 

Zumba

So while I did miss a few classes due to being on my mini vacation, I have to say that I came right back home and restarted classes the first available moment I could!  I have been consistently going...and enjoy it.   I like some of the instructors better than others.  Some are more 'twerky worky' as I call it.  IT's so much "shake 'dat booty....we wanna see it shake'   and hip circles and thrusts that I'm surprised I haven't thrown out my hip!   But it's still fun.  I have to modify a fair amount.  Jumping just isn't happening for me at this point.

The Crazy Dog

SO my dog is crazy!   We have an electric fence around the chickens (they are doing great by the way) and the dog must have gotten zapped by the fence.  So for days she refused to go outside.  The only time she would go out is if I had her on a short leash!   And then she would go to squat to pee and then get scared and stop.  This dog was holding her pee out of fear.  I had to literally walk behind her chanting "go pee...go pee.  Pee now...."  And then I would treat her with all kinds of rewards when she peed.  Seriously!  Only me! 

She is getting better.  Still leary of the fence.  But she is petrified of the chickens now.  I guess she thought that they did it to her! 

Eating

I am still counting my calories.  I am still watching what I eat.  However, one of my big focuses is on getting at least 5 servings of fruits and/or vegetables.  I am trying to get in the habit of eating foods that are going to do something GOOD for my body.  I hope that at some point segues to pounds on the scale.  Thus far....not so much.  (SLOWLY maybe.) 

The knees

Yeah, the knees have been pretty bad.  It's been misery at some points.  They ache.  They hurt.  The one actually has buckled a few times on me.  Ohhh and the one that has buckled...the whole leg sometimes just aches.....all the time.  I have pushed through.  I know I have arthritis and I KNOW that the only thing to make it better is to exercise.  So I keep going to zumba!  

Folllow up to the Zap Zap

I had the 6 month follow up to my Zap Zap Procedure to fix to holes/tears in my retina.  I am happy to say that the doctor was happy with the healing.  He said that there are no new holes!  YAY!  I asked him if there is anything we can do to prevent more holes......especially since he indicated that my retina is thinning in multiple places.  He said nothing...which bums me out.  I wish I could do something to help it! (Eating healthy....that's the only 'possible' aid')

Biting the Bullet

So, I bit the bullet.  I have been struggling because I KNOW My mobility is not where it should be.  I went to that 'mobility' class earlier this year.  It is the one that was set for mobility...I referred to that class as the 'hippy dippy' class.  (yeah I know...twerky worky and hippy dippy......but those names fit so well!). I went to the class for a few months.  But didn't notice any discernible difference.  Ohhh and I hated the class.  The time went by SOOO slow!  The class was 40..and the cool down was 20 minutes.  I did however LOVE LOVE LOVE the cool down!  :-)   But yeah, I digress....the class just wasn't doing it for me.  SO I signed up with Crunch Fitness that was set to open in the spring near my house.  And then I waited.

It opened...and I immediately started to go to zumba classes.  And boy have the knees hurt.  I enjoy it though!   But I know I needed more.  So what in the world did I do?   I signed up for a personal trainer at the gym.  I am committed for 3 months.  It's ungodly expensive...but if it gets me moving int he right direction it will be money well spent.   After the three months?  Well it depends on how I feel about the time with the trainer and the 'homework' he gives me.  Ok, and lets be honest.....with the results he gets.  

SO there you have it......my new phase of personal training..........and it starts......TOMORROW MORNING!  Yup. I've already had my initial consult and I start training and working out tomorrow!  GO me. (or maybe poor me!)

So here I am....still working toward my goals.  Still trying to live my life to the fullest.   :-) 

 

MIA

Holy Toledo!  Has it really been over a month since I wrote something!  How in the world?  Where does time go?

Knee-zies

 Zumba is going well!    Well as well as it can go for an out of shape, overweight girl with arthritis in her knees.   Yeah, I’m loving it!

Exercise

My knees….my knees have taken a hit from this!   Yeah they have ached!   I’m not listening to the ache though.  I know why they ache.  I know what to do to make them better…..exercise.  So I’m pushing through!   Last weekend my knee hurt so bad that I pulled out the knee brace to wear while I was watching tv.  Yeah, to watch tv….not even just to walk….to watch tv too!  But I went to Zumba on Monday night and did it (with modifications of course).  

And something surprising happened!

Yesterday morning (Tuesday) I was walking and noticed my knees felt kinda ok!  Interesting!   Maybe I turned the corner and my knees have finally gotten the memo that they can scream all they want but I’m not listening!

I’m not calling it a win yet.   Let’s see how I feel after tonight’s class.  Let’s see how I feel after working outside this weekend.  But hey, I have hope at least!

Eating 

Eating hasn’t been the best.  It’s not horrible though!  So there is that!!!  :-)

I have only been sporadically tracking my food, but I am on a three day streak of tracking.  Go me!   Yeah, three days is pitiful….but it’s a start!

I’m trying to ramp up my protein.  If only I liked protein rich foods.  But no, I like me the breads and pasta. 

Garden and chickens

The chickens have successfully been evicted from my house. They have been living in their coop and run for the last few weeks.   They are doing great!  The garden is completely planted.  It’s growing great!   I have been making a concerted effort to be more active in the yard…getting movement and activity anywhere I can.     (Although I just came home from work, ate an early dinner and fell asleep for a few minutes.  I woke up when Jason got home from work.  Now I just wait u til it’s time to head to my Zumba class.  

I found my home

 Life is busy !!!!

How can the days go so fast but the to do list never seems to get smaller?   

Chickens and bees

The chickens have finally been evicted from my family room.  Yes, the chickens resided in my house for about 6 weeks.   They would have gone outside earlier but it was cold….and then rainy.  And well, Jason just didn’t want to put them out in those conditions.   I was done with chickens in my house. Seriously, is not a Newfoundland, a cat, some crabs and a parrot enough in my house?  Then to add 4 chickens…for 6 weeks!   Eiiyiiyii!  But the weather finally was deemed acceptable by Jason and out they went!   Yay!   But seriously, I can’t complain about it….his heart and compassion for animals was part of what made me fall in love in the first place!

So the chickens are out in their run and sleeping in their coop!   Last night they finally figured it out and put themselves to bed in the coop.  Jason has been having to physically put them in the coop at night.  They would stand at the gate crying for him to come get them to I guess take them inside to the brooder box.  (He did that for a week or so…would let them out in the day when it was warm but put them back in the brooder at night!)

They are cute…and fun to watch.  (It will be some mo the before we get any eggs!) the bee hive is set up…but no bees.   That will probably be next spring!

Garden

The weather was crazy through April and May.  The garden work kept getting pushed aside.  Finally I realized that if we were going to have a garden at all that I had to get working!  So I spent one weekend outside preparing the beds.  And then this last weekend I dodged raindrops to plant the main garden.  I also spent a lot of time putting together a raised bed….filling it with soil and compost (the compost piles are on the other side of the property…) and then planting that.  I was so tired!  But the garden is planted!

Weight Loss

Non existent!  Seriously non existent!  It is depressing and disheartening….but I know I haven’t put my all into it.   I have been eating about 1700 calories per day.  Which sounds great …but I don’t lose at that rate.  Sadly.  So lose is what I am NOT doing!

I am working to turn it around. Lowering/watching my calories more.  That sort of thing.   I am also making a concerted effort to move more around the house.   More projects and such to keep me active.   

Home

A few months ago I decided to join Crunch …the gym/franchise/location  that was being built near my house. I signed up and waited…and waited…and waited.  I was hoping that they would have some classes that would work with my schedule.  Zumba was my hope!  They finally opened last weekend and that means I FINALLY got to see the class schedule!   There are a few Zumba classes that I can consistently make work with my work schedule…and some sacrifices at home.  I was excited but nervous as I was going by myself…and would know no one once I got there.   But I did it.  I registered for my class and went last night.

The music was loud.  The room was full (the Zumba classes have been consistently booked full on the schedule….walk ins are not happening at this time).   It was hot.  It was so fun!   About 15-20 minutes in I was overcome with an emotion.  That emotion?  I felt as if I had come home.   

I always knew that I had enjoyed my Zumba classes years ago when I went.  But I thought it was mostly for the social hour.  It wasn’t until last night that I knew.  Yeah the social hour was good fun….but Zumba is my home. 

My work schedule allows me to attend a class on Friday! Fridays will be a sporadic able to visit day….and this Friday is a ‘I can go to class’ Friday!  I can’t wait!  

My body….handled it pretty well….my legs may be a bit tired.

Life is busy.  But it’s going well.  This is my time to lose this weight and get back into shape!   Even better, I’m excited about the getting in shape!   Bring it on Zumba!